Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Movement - full transcript
With Pauline away for a couple days, Martin gets a new receptionist, Poppy. Bert Large takes Martin's advice to change his lifestyle. Only his idea of a changed lifestyle is to give up being a handyman and open a restaurant. He doesn't quite have the hang of it, however and his stress level definitely doesn't go down. Louisa invites Martin for dinner but her plan falls apart when her new cooker doesn't work properly. When many of the villagers fall ill, Martin concludes that the problem is Bert's new restaurant, but the problem lies elsewhere.
Subtitling made
possible by Acorn Media
Oh, God.
Go away.
Just go away.
[Dog barks]
[Barks]
BERT: Doc.
Evening, Doc.
Here. Try one of these.
They're a day old,
but they don't taste it.
You see, the secret
is in the cream.
It's fake.
No.
Bert, I need you to
do something for me.
Oh, for you, Doc.
Oh, no problem.
Table for two, is it? What time?
- No.
- For you and Miss Glasson?
I said no.
Oh, come on, Doc.
You've got to come.
If it wasn't for you telling me
to make some life changes,
I wouldn't be here.
I meant take regular
exercise and change your diet,
not open a restaurant.
Before you kill yourself
with a cholesterol-induced
heart attack,
do you think you could
fit in my new dishwasher?
Oh. You're gonna need
a plumber for that, Doc.
- You are a plumber.
- No can do. No way.
I've hung up my dungarees
and my monkey wrench for good.
No, now I am in
the hospitality trade.
- Oh. It's good I ran into you...
- Ah, I meant to...
- Sorry. After you.
- No, you first.
No, after you.
I'm eating plenty of dried
fruit for the iron, like you said.
And you're coming in for
another blood test tomorrow.
Yeah, back again.
People will think I got anemia
just to spend
more time with you.
No, they won't.
It's been a bit
tricky to eat properly
'cause I've been living
out the microwave.
I've been waiting
for my new cooker
to arrive from
Wadebridge Electric.
Yes. They delivered my
new dishwasher the same day.
Yes, he said. He
said he'd met you.
So, Bert's opening
tomorrow night.
- Yes.
- You going?
God, no.
No, me neither.
Busy, are you?
- No.
- No.
No, me neither.
Right. Bye, then.
DOC MARTIN: Yeah.
Why don't you come
to my place for dinner?
What? Uh, to your house?
Yes. Tomorrow.
Haven't had a chance to use
my new cooker, and I thought...
Yes.
Great.
- Good.
- Tomorrow, then.
- Tomorrow.
- Yeah.
Above all, the most
important thing is...
- Patient care.
- Patient care, yes.
What exactly is
patient care again?
Tea and coffee.
Offer them one as
soon as they come in.
Tea and coffee.
Of course.
When I worked for old Dr. Sim,
the kettle was always on.
Now, I know this position is
only temporary at the moment,
but if we play our cards
right, you could be permanent.
What if the doc's really
as bad as, you know?
They say that he
made the binman cry.
Oh, you'll be fine.
You're early.
Well, better five years
early than one minute late.
[Chuckles]
Did you brush your
teeth this morning?
Yes, Mum.
Well, here's your
peppermints just in case.
Now, I'm only gonna
be gone a couple of days.
That's a long time in medicine.
Yes, it is.
I'm doing a phlebotomy course.
That means blood and stuff.
So when I get back, I'll be
in charge of taking the blood
because of Doc's phobia.
That means fear and stuff.
She's quite nervous.
It's her first real
job, isn't it, Poppy?
- Yeah.
- Apart from selling shells.
Shh, Mum.
Although no one bought them
because she was
standing right by the beach.
Aww. She was only 7.
Right. Poppy, I'd better
show you where everything is.
Bye.
Maybe I should stay
until she gets settled.
- Oh, no need.
- No, Mum.
Well, uh, couldn't I
just have a cup of tea?
Okay, but then you go home.
Stay.
So, this is the consulting
room. This is the kitchen.
This is the doc in the kitchen
plumbing his new dishwasher.
This is the kettle.
[Dishwasher whirring]
So, why don't I leave you
two to get to know each other?
What's your name?
PAULINE: Poppy!
Right.
You're too young
to be reading that.
I'm the same age as you.
PAULINE: So,
this is where I keep
the patients' records
and everything.
Okay, this folder is
for their addresses,
and this one is for
their prescriptions.
Yeah, but what if you
put each patient's stuff
in the same folder?
That would be a
good idea, wouldn't it?
Well, then everything would
be in the same place, wouldn't it?
Yeah, but...
Um, I think I'll be
okay now, Mum.
Yeah, you run along now.
I've got an important
job for Poppy.
Okay, then. Well, good luck.
Don't forget your peppermints.
So, what do you want me to do?
Go and get me a biscuit.
Michael Mabley.
You cornered me in the
Wendy house during wet play
and made me kiss you.
It's me... Pauline.
Pauline.
- You remember me.
- No.
I thought you moved
to Bristol years ago.
What are you doing here?
I need to see the doctor.
[Laughing] No. I meant
back in Portwenn, silly.
It's personal stuff.
Can I see the
doctor now, please?
- If you could just fill in...
- Fill in this form.
- And then...
- And take a seat.
I'll see what I can do.
- Who's next?
- She is...
Mandie Jordan!
Uh, I was thinking,
maybe if I gave the patients
their files to give to you,
then you wouldn't have
to keep coming out here.
[Pauline scoffs]
Um, I just thought it was
a good idea, that's all.
- It is a good idea.
- Really?
- You really think so?
- Mm.
Go through.
- Bye, then, Doc.
- [Door closes]
See you soon.
Should I get the patients a
cup of tea or coffee, then?
Yes.
The doc likes everyone to
have hot drinks. Lots of them.
- Patient care.
- That's it.
Well done, Poppy.
Get that kettle on.
Right.
Who wants a nice
cup of tea, then?
I want the morning-after pill.
- When did you have intercourse?
- I haven't.
Then why do you want
the morning-after pill?
I'm planning to do it one day.
Then what you want
is the contraceptive pill.
Right. So give me that, then.
No. You're 15.
It's against the law.
- You're still a child.
- I'm 16 in two months.
Come back then.
I want the pill now!
You are too young to
have sex. Now leave.
Dickhead.
I'll just go somewhere
else, then, won't I?
DOC MARTIN: Next patient.
[Giggles]
If you could just go in
now, please, Mr. Mabley,
and take that with you.
Thank you.
ZOE: Oh, my God.
That guy was so yum.
- LAURA: Gorgeous.
- Completely.
MANDIE: Yeah.
You know who he was looking at?
- He doesn't fancy you.
- He was only staring at you
'cause he was wondering
where your tits were.
[Laughter]
You gonna cry now?
Work.
[Zoe scoffs]
DOC MARTIN: What's your address?
Well, I'm sort of on the
move at the moment.
All right. Sit on the end
of the couch, please.
Right. Let's have a
look at the wound.
How did this happen?
It just happened.
How?
I was stabbed.
How long ago?
10 days.
Has a doctor seen it?
No.
You're running the risk of
bacteremia and septicemia.
Why didn't you have it
checked when it happened?
I was in prison.
I would have missed my parole.
Hmm. What did you do?
I got stabbed.
Right. I'll take some blood,
start you on antibiotics.
In the meantime, I'll
clean and dress the wound.
You know, Doc, it's not the
sort of thing I want getting out.
You know, people talk.
Patient confidentiality
extends even to parolees.
[Door opens]
Oh. What, no Pauline today?
She's gone on her
course. Can I help?
Louisa Glasson.
I'm a bit late. Sorry.
Someone's taken
your spot, I'm afraid,
so you'll have to wait.
Sorry.
Oh. Right.
Tea?
Tea?
Mmm.
She makes a good
cup of tea, the new girl.
Can't believe I'm anemic.
I feel like such a teenager.
You're doing all
the right things.
You may feel tired,
um, have difficulty fighting
infections and so on.
So, tonight.
7:00, then?
Um, I'd rather
not eat after 6:30.
Oh. 6:30.
That's early.
Mm. It keeps me awake.
Well, 6:00's fine.
I'll just move everything
forward an hour.
It's not a problem.
Good.
[Clears throat]
Did you realize this
was a doctor's surgery?
If you want to
work in a tearoom,
then I'm sure it
can be arranged.
Do I make myself clear?
We don't serve tea.
Next patient, please.
- Do something with it, then.
- You're not the boss of me.
Well, actually, yeah, I
am. Bert made me chef.
And chop half a dozen of these.
See if you can keep
your acrylics out of them.
- Bert around?
- [Gasps]
Oh, don't do that.
Doesn't look like it, does it?
Heard he might be hiring.
I'm a cook.
So am I.
I'm Mick.
Just in case anything comes up.
Wouldn't say no to him.
Onions.
Right. Onions, yeah.
[Man singing in Spanish]
Ohh!
[Clears throat]
[Woman singing in Spanish]
[Music stops]
Bugger!
LAURA: All right, Big Tits.
[Laughter]
Give me a drink.
Go get your own.
Bet you don't know what this is.
Your plastic surgeon's
number for your boob job?
It's that hot guy
from the doc's.
He wants to take me out.
Liar.
[Cellphone beeps, dialing]
- Hey!
- It's probably your gran.
[Dialing continues]
[Ringing]
[Cellphone rings]
Yep?
Hello?
Well, go on, then.
Who is this?
Hello?
What did you do that for?
I want some privacy, don't I?
You're pathetic.
He didn't give you
his number, did he?
Come on. See you later, stalker.
Yeah, stalker.
[Young women laughing]
ZOE: Oh, look. Doc's been asked
to see Miss
Glasson after school.
He must have done
something really naughty.
Or maybe he's about to
do something really naughty.
[Laughs]
Hello. There's no electricity.
The fuse thingy keeps tripping.
Ah. Right.
Well, I-I could take a look
at that for you if you like.
I brought you these.
Oh, thank you, Martin.
They're yams, a
rich source of iron.
Um...
Well, I'll just put
these in water.
Do you know where
your fuse box is?
Yeah, the cooker's done it.
Right out from under the stairs.
- LOUISA: I know.
- DOC MARTIN: There we are.
- [Music plays]
- That's done it.
- The main switch was tripped.
- Yeah, I know.
Like I said, there's something
wrong with the new cooker.
DOC MARTIN: Over there.
- [Screams]
- Martin!
Bugger!
Oh!
Well, there's a fault
with your cooker.
I know!
You need to get an
electrician to look at it.
- I know.
- Don't touch it.
Thanks. Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
I'm really, really sorry.
You know, I've been
working on this all day,
and I wanted it to be perfect,
and it's absolutely ruined.
Well, it smells like it
would have been very nice
had it been, uh, fully cooked.
Right. Uh...
We could always go to Bert's.
When you get down to it,
there's not much to choose
between plumbing and dining.
I mean, it's all to do
with the pipes, isn't it?
Although, in this case, a
bit of rumbling in the tum
isn't such a bad thing to hear.
Now, Mandie, your waitperson
will be right over to
take your pud order.
And as they say abroad, enjoy.
Right. The scallops.
They're very
fresh. They're nice.
You'll like them.
Here, it's filling up out there.
You got to look sharp,
Theresa. Chop-chop!
Theresa, can I borrow
some of your lip gloss?
Oh, it's missing
something. Oh, I know.
You know the secret of
this, love, is in the seasoning.
- THERESA: I've already done it.
- What?
I've already done it. Stop it.
BERT: Now watch me.
You always need a little
bit more than you think.
THERESA: Get off. I'll do it.
[Breathing heavily]
What's the matter?
Oh, it's nothing.
It's just butterflies.
You've got to step
it up a notch, girls.
Come on.
This looks nice, doesn't it?
Uh, well...
Oh. Evening, Doctor.
So, how was my
Poppy on her first day?
Uh... adequate.
Sort of.
Doc, Louisa. This way, please.
I've got a lovely
sea view for you.
DOC MARTIN: Yes.
Oh, thanks, Bert.
Here we are. [Chuckles]
You had me going there, Doc,
when you said you
might not come tonight.
I mean, you're quite
the joker, aren't you?
Now, when it comes down to
it, there's not much to choose
between plumbing and dining.
It's all to do with the
rumbling in the pipes.
[Laughs]
What do you mean?
Well, you know, the
rumbling in the tum.
You know, like
there's an air block.
Borborygmi.
Excuse me?
The sound your stomach
makes. It's called borborygmi.
It's due to contractions
in the wall of the bowel.
Drink, Louisa?
Yeah, a glass of white
wine, please, Bert.
White wine. And, Doc?
Water. Bottled.
Bottled.
Excuse me.
Right. Let's, um,
have a look at these.
You got to chop
quicker than that.
- Here, let me show you.
- Bert!
I have worked in
a restaurant before.
The doctor and the
teacher want the salad.
Two salade de la maison, Chef.
MANDIE: And the steak
medium and the fish special thing
for the other table.
Whoops.
Oh, and table six want to know
if you're chasing the
bloody cow down the lane.
Well...
I'm reading a really
great book at the moment.
What was it called?
Oh, you know, it's up for all
the big prizes at the moment.
Two salads.
Oh, thanks.
I've just finished a study
of cutaneous diphtheria
and the treatment of
infected skin ulcers.
Hm.
Dermatological
Society's book of the year.
- Mm?
- Mm.
"Fingers in My Pockets."
- I beg your pardon?
- My book.
It's called "Fingers
in My Pockets."
Oh, right.
[Gagging]
Oh, God.
Martin? Martin!
Martin?
Oh, it's okay, Doc.
Everything's under control.
You go back and sit down.
- There's blood on my plate!
- It's this girl here.
She's not too handy
with the old cleaver.
- Excuse me?
- There's blood on my plate!
- Oh, God!
- BERT: Oh.
Okay, Doc. Look, look.
Just go and sit down.
I know you're not too
good with this sort of thing.
I'll bring you a fresh
salad directly, right?
And you mop the
rest of this blood up.
Where's your first-aid box?
Do you have a first-aid box?
Do you know the first
thing about kitchen hygiene?
THERESA: Yes. I've
nearly got an NVQ, actually.
What in, poisoning people?
I so do not need this right now.
This kitchen is disgusting!
I've been feeding
myself for years.
Haven't killed myself once.
Well, you explain that to the
environmental health inspector.
Here, Doc.
Doc.
Doc, calm down!
It's just a little mess.
I'll have it cleaned
up in no time.
LOUISA: What's going on?
There was blood in my salad.
What? Blood?
It's all right, folks.
It's just a little mishap.
Everything is fine. All right?
Bert, I quit.
I can't work in
these conditions.
Ow. Doc, this really hurts.
You better get going quick.
All right. Come with me.
[Clears throat] Goodbye.
Louisa. Where are you going?
Oh, I'm sorry, Bert. I've
rather lost my appetite.
All right. Who wants a
free glass of wine, then?
JOE: What's going on, Bert?
Nothing for you to
worry about, Joe.
I'll be the judge of that.
I've just seen a member of
the public leave in distress
with some sort of flesh wound.
Why don't you sit down
and just have a glass of wine,
for Pete's sake?
You got a license for
serving that, have you, Bert?
Of course this place
has got a license.
It always has had.
The license comes with the
proprietor, not the premises.
If you carry on serving
alcohol, you're breaking the law.
I didn't know that.
[Breathing rapidly]
You're late.
I've got a bit of a
funny tummy, actually.
Couldn't keep my breakfast down.
Good morning, Bert.
Well, what you are doing here?
I work here, don't I?
I don't have a drinks license.
And no one eats in a
restaurant where they can't drink.
And even if they did,
there's no one to do the food,
so strictly speaking, no,
you don't work here no more.
What's that, then?
You need a cook.
He's a friend of mine.
He's a really good cook.
It's a bit late for
that, my lover.
I'll call him for you.
You'd better go home.
Drink plenty of water.
And I'll need a stool sample.
Do you know what
a stool sample is?
In there?
Yes, of course in there.
But why would you need a
sample of that if I'm being sick?
I'm a doctor. It's what we do.
What are you waiting for?
[Footsteps approaching]
Mr. Large?
Who wants to know?
Mick Mabley.
I went to school with Al.
Oh.
Last time I saw you,
you were riding a BMX
bike through my veg patch.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Listen, your girl Mandie
called. Said you needed a cook.
- Hmm?
- Well, I've got experience.
Worked all over the place.
I could fill in while you
find someone permanent.
The thing is I just don't have
a drinks license at the moment.
So have people bring
their own till you get one.
Charge corkage.
Corkage?
Make them pay to
bring their own booze,
like they do on the Continent.
Next.
Next!
[Drawer slams]
Oh, good. Take this girl home.
Actually, I'm not
feeling too good.
You'll have to wait your turn.
Who's next? Mrs. Poustie.
That's me. I've
been awful sick, Doc.
You're not the only one.
Who else has been vomiting?
What is it with you people?
This always happens.
If one of you gets
it, you all get it.
Athlete's foot would
spread like the plague.
- Did you wash your hands?
- No.
Oh, well, goodness
gracious. Maybe there's a link.
If you all just observed
the simplest of
personal-hygiene routines,
we could all be spared this.
Now go and wash your hands.
It's like living in a
village of lemmings.
Now, hold on,
there, Dr. Ellingham.
We've all had a chat
about this sickness thing,
and we think we know
where it comes from.
Oh, do you? Enlighten me.
We were all at Bert's
restaurant last night.
- Same as you.
- WOMAN: That's right.
Bert.
Doc.
Excuse me.
I have treated seven cases
of nausea this morning,
and they all ate
here last night.
Doc, keep it down,
for God's sake.
I see, not content with
laying low half of Portwenn,
you've started on the visitors.
If it wasn't for your little
performance last night,
I'd have locals in by now.
I want you to close
this restaurant.
Come into the kitchen, right?
I put everything I've
got into this place.
You're certainly
putting something into it
that's making the
people very ill, indeed.
I eat here, and
I'm perfectly fine.
Bert, you've have spent
your entire working life
with your arm down a lavatory.
You're bound to have built up
a resistance to certain bacteria.
The point is that you are
by profession and design
a plumber, not a restaurateur.
See?
This is my new chef.
Proper job. Knows all
about hygiene and stuff.
This is Mick Mabley.
Yes, we've met.
Well, a quick tidy-up
isn't gonna do it, Bert.
You still don't have the
required safety measures.
Where's your first-aid box?
Behind you.
BERT: Everything shipshape
and Bristol fashion, Doc.
Health and safety and
food-hygiene certificates
in the folder there.
Right.
Let's hope that's the end of it.
- [Cellphone rings]
- Excuse me.
Hello?
Yes.
Are you hot?
Oh. Have you taken anything?
Okay.
Well, you sit tight,
and I'll be right there.
- Hi.
- Oh, that was quick.
I only really needed
some advice.
- I didn't need a home visit.
- That's all right.
I was just around the
corner when you phoned.
Thanks. Come in.
Sorry. Sorry about the mess.
Thank you.
I'll, uh, just wash my hands.
Martin, have you found a towel?
Uh, yes.
[Knock on door]
Yeah, come in, Martin.
Oh, Martin, you've, uh...
It's my bra.
What?
Uh, my bra.
Sorry. It's just it's...
It's my best one.
DOC MARTIN: Uh, sorry.
May... May I?
Yeah, please.
And what are your symptoms?
Well, it's just vomiting.
I just feel so rotten.
Well, your anemia will
probably make you feel worse
than the other patients.
I've seen seven people.
Similar cases today.
When we were at Bert's last
night, did you eat anything?
Just a few mouthfuls
of salad, that's all.
Oh. Salad's potentially more
dangerous than cooked foods.
The heat kills off the bacteria.
- Mm.
- [Thermometer beeps]
I'll just...
Yeah. Keep drinking
plenty of fluids.
I'll give you something
to replace the body
salts and sugars.
Times like this you wish your
mum would bring you some toast.
Well, I could make
you some toast.
Oh, no. No, thanks.
Louisa, I...
Yes?
I'm going to need
a stool sample.
Mm.
Oh. Dr. Ellingham.
Mrs. Tishell.
I would like my package,
and I need some more
rehydration salts, please.
Your package. Right here.
And I just wanted
to say, Doctor,
that I know there are
some people in this village
who might not
appreciate a firm hand,
but I think that
you are handling
the whole sorry situation of
the sickness from that restaurant
very well.
- And the rehydration salts?
- Yes, Doctor.
It must be hard to
be the voice of reason
amidst a sea of dissenters,
and I think that we in
the medical profession...
That will be all. Just
put it on my account.
I could just eat
him with a spoon.
I'm late. I know. You
don't have to go on about it.
Here, taste this.
Mick's just taught me how to
make perfect scrambled eggs.
Now, if this isn't the best
scrambled eggs you ever had,
I'll put your miniskirt on
and run through the village.
- It's not cooked.
- Of course it's not cooked.
That's the whole point.
It's meant to be runny.
Here, try again.
I thought we had an
understanding, Bert.
This back here is my
area. You're out front.
Oh, excuse me.
I'll be out front.
So, how are you settling
into the village, then?
Don't plan on staying long.
I'll show you 'round
the fun parts, if you like.
I don't need a kid to show
me where the playground is.
Why aren't these in the fridge?
[Poppy clears throat]
Um, I'm sorry for being ill.
Go home, Poppy.
Oh, I'm fine now,
and Mum says I should
battle on like a professional.
I don't need you here today.
Is it my breath? Um...
Sorry. Is it still
a bit sicky, then?
Pauline's coming back today.
Oh.
Mum said I should be
here for the handover.
Well, good for your mum.
Ow! Ow!
Surgery isn't open yet.
I think I'm gonna die.
Morning, Bert.
Finished my course.
Got my certificate
and everything.
Want to see it?
Oh. That's
great, isn't it, girl?
Got any blood you want taken?
[Both laugh]
So, anything been happening
here whilst I've been in Truro?
Oh, how was the
big opening night?
I bet it was great, wasn't it?
Why don't you ask the doc, eh?
I'm sure he'll tell
you all about it.
Now, if you don't mind,
I've got a bit of work to do.
No, you're not dying.
It's food poisoning.
You're the ninth
person I've treated
who's eaten food from
Bert Large's restaurant.
I know I am dying.
I know you're not.
You don't know anything.
I took Theresa's pills.
What pills?
You know. "The pill" pills.
How many?
All of them.
I've done something terrible
to my insides, haven't I?
No, a contraceptive overdose
is uncomfortable but not fatal.
Why did you take them?
My tits, okay?
They're not...
They're too small.
Is that why you asked
me for birth-control tablets?
What, did you think the estrogen
would make your breasts grow?
Theresa got tits
when she was 12.
- It's not fair.
- It probably isn't fair.
But there's nothing
you can do about it.
The body develops
at its own rate.
Um... go home and keep warm.
The nausea will
pass in 12 hours or so.
They pick on me all the
time. They're horrible.
- Who?
- My friends.
[Sniffles]
Oh. Uh...
Oh. Uh...
[Sobbing]
Uh... all right, sit down there.
Um...
shush.
Hiya. I'm back.
So, how was it?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, good.
Um, was it scary, you know,
with the blood and that, or...
Poppy, do you have
your peppermints?
Yeah.
Thank you.
I'm back.
Yes.
Get out of my chair!
I think that will
solve your problem.
What is it?
I'd rather not say.
Is it illegal?
Hasn't been, uh,
clinically tested.
So I'm, like, part of a trial?
- Mm.
- These will give me tits?
If you take one once
a week, and only one.
Oh, my God.
Provided you take regular
exercise and eat well,
don't smoke or don't drink,
your breasts will develop.
How long for?
Until you finish them,
finish the course.
- Shall I take one now?
- Yes.
Put it under your
tongue and let it dissolve.
It tastes like peppermint.
That's correct, yes.
Everyone here got sick.
It was Bert's place that did it.
- [Door opens]
- MANDIE: Thank you, Doc.
- All right?
- Hi.
[Telephone rings]
Dr. Ellingham's surgery.
Yes. Yes, hello.
I was gonna call you, actually.
As of yesterday evening, I'm
a fully certified phlebotomist,
and as such, I
will be the interface
between your laboratory
and our surgery
on all blood-related
matters in the Portwenn area.
- Is that for me?
- My...
DOC MARTIN: Ellingham.
No, I think your laboratory
has made a mistake.
Are you sure?
I know what Norwalk
virus is. Don't lecture me.
I'll call them back.
MICK: You doing a runner?
Oh, no.
I'm just off to see
the bank manager.
Here. This jacket's
probably older than he is.
No, I am gonna tell him that
we need a bit more leeway
than anticipated, that's all.
Good. Because you're gonna
have to pay me on Friday, aren't you?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I said I would, and
I'm a man of my word.
Wish me luck.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh. Oh.
I know, Doc.
Don't tell me. It's a
heart attack, right?
Will you stop talking, please?
You'll interfere with the ECG.
Al lost his mother. If I
go, he'll be an orphan.
Al will manage.
He's 6' tall and 25 years old.
He's only 5'8", and he's
still a teenager in my eyes.
He's not like me, Doc. He's
not wise to the ways of the world.
Bert, there are two
ways we can determine
whether you're
having a heart attack.
Now you can shut up
and let me do the ECG.
Or you can prattle on,
and we'll see if you die
in the next couple minutes.
Thank you.
What are you still
hanging around for?
Oh. Well, my mum said she'd
come and collect me, so...
What have you done to
my appointments page?
Oh, right. Yeah.
I changed it a bit.
Right. Why did
you do that, then?
Well, 'cause it's better,
isn't it, and prettier.
- And my mum says...
- Can I have a cup of tea?
Yeah.
[Rattling]
Pauline!
Did you experience any
tightening in the chest?
Yes, and nausea and
tingling and rapid pulse.
- Disorientation?
- Yes, all of those.
So it was a heart attack
after all, Doc, right?
No. It wasn't a heart attack.
We can assume that you
suffered from a panic attack.
No, no. I felt it,
Doc. I didn't panic.
The symptoms of an
extreme panic attack
are very similar to those
of an actual heart attack.
Ow!
It was real, Doc.
Bert, you did not
have a heart attack.
Good. Ow! Ow.
Ow!
Is that good, Doc?
It's got to be good, hasn't it?
Is there anything you
could be stressing about?
No, I can't think
of a single thing.
Well..let me see.
My life savings are being
eaten into by an empty restaurant
that's been shut down
by the local quack.
Apart from that, no. I
mean, my life is fine.
Right. Well, I prescribed
you some medication
in case it happens again.
Bert, I spoke to the laboratory.
It seems that the outbreak
was caused by a viral
rather than bacterial
infection, as I'd first assumed.
Well, what does that mean?
That means that it's
worse than I suspected.
This particular virus
is spread through the
ingestion of fecal matter.
Fecal matter?
- Isn't that...
- Yes.
You've somehow managed to feed
your customers untreated sewage.
- But I...
- [Door opens]
Pauline, I'm in the
middle of a consultation!
I know, Doc, I know.
Please calm down.
We have an emergency
situation going on in the kitchen,
and I really need Bert here to
come and have a look right away.
What you've got here...
[Sniffs] Ooh!
Is a classical case of
waste-pipe pump back up.
What does that mean?
It means that you've
been washing your dishes
with water that has
already been elsewhere.
What does that mean?
Water from the toilet has been
getting into the dishwasher.
[Hissing]
- Oh!
- Oh.
PAULINE: Oh!
You're looking at the end result
of a pressure
build-up in the system.
Oh, I don't believe it, Poppy.
You've only been giving
patients cups washed in poo water.
Is this what you call
fecal matter, Doc?
Yes.
And what cowboy did you get
to do this piece of
extreme plumbing?
Well, I clearly followed
the instructions.
The, uh, pipes must
have become confused.
[Laughing] Confused?
And you a surgeon
and everything.
I wasted valuable time trying
to find the cause of an illness
when I just needed to ask
the weedy girl behind the desk
why she'd taken it upon herself
to give everyone a cup of tea!
- Because Pauline said to.
- No, I didn't.
[Poppy sighs]
Don't be too hard on her, Doc.
She's not very experienced.
[Door closes]
[Hissing]
BERT: Look.
[Water bubbling]
ZOE: Hey, where have you been?
My little sister's finished
with her training bra
and wants to give it to you.
Well, at least I don't
have great Dumbo ears.
Actually, they're more like
giant satellite dishes, really.
Hey!
Well, I'm gonna go down the
beach and watch the surfers.
Come on, girls. I'm going.
Hi, Martin.
Oh. Louisa.
Well, whatever you
gave me did the trick.
I feel great now.
Oh, good, good.
And the man from
Wadebridge Electric
has just fixed my cooker,
so I guess we should
reschedule that our dinner date.
- Wednesday?
- Thursday.
- Thursday.
- Thursday. Great.
- 6:30?
- 6:30. Yeah.
Observing your
carbohydrate curfew.
That's right, yes.
[Chuckles]
See you.
Subtitling made
possible by Acorn Media
possible by Acorn Media
Oh, God.
Go away.
Just go away.
[Dog barks]
[Barks]
BERT: Doc.
Evening, Doc.
Here. Try one of these.
They're a day old,
but they don't taste it.
You see, the secret
is in the cream.
It's fake.
No.
Bert, I need you to
do something for me.
Oh, for you, Doc.
Oh, no problem.
Table for two, is it? What time?
- No.
- For you and Miss Glasson?
I said no.
Oh, come on, Doc.
You've got to come.
If it wasn't for you telling me
to make some life changes,
I wouldn't be here.
I meant take regular
exercise and change your diet,
not open a restaurant.
Before you kill yourself
with a cholesterol-induced
heart attack,
do you think you could
fit in my new dishwasher?
Oh. You're gonna need
a plumber for that, Doc.
- You are a plumber.
- No can do. No way.
I've hung up my dungarees
and my monkey wrench for good.
No, now I am in
the hospitality trade.
- Oh. It's good I ran into you...
- Ah, I meant to...
- Sorry. After you.
- No, you first.
No, after you.
I'm eating plenty of dried
fruit for the iron, like you said.
And you're coming in for
another blood test tomorrow.
Yeah, back again.
People will think I got anemia
just to spend
more time with you.
No, they won't.
It's been a bit
tricky to eat properly
'cause I've been living
out the microwave.
I've been waiting
for my new cooker
to arrive from
Wadebridge Electric.
Yes. They delivered my
new dishwasher the same day.
Yes, he said. He
said he'd met you.
So, Bert's opening
tomorrow night.
- Yes.
- You going?
God, no.
No, me neither.
Busy, are you?
- No.
- No.
No, me neither.
Right. Bye, then.
DOC MARTIN: Yeah.
Why don't you come
to my place for dinner?
What? Uh, to your house?
Yes. Tomorrow.
Haven't had a chance to use
my new cooker, and I thought...
Yes.
Great.
- Good.
- Tomorrow, then.
- Tomorrow.
- Yeah.
Above all, the most
important thing is...
- Patient care.
- Patient care, yes.
What exactly is
patient care again?
Tea and coffee.
Offer them one as
soon as they come in.
Tea and coffee.
Of course.
When I worked for old Dr. Sim,
the kettle was always on.
Now, I know this position is
only temporary at the moment,
but if we play our cards
right, you could be permanent.
What if the doc's really
as bad as, you know?
They say that he
made the binman cry.
Oh, you'll be fine.
You're early.
Well, better five years
early than one minute late.
[Chuckles]
Did you brush your
teeth this morning?
Yes, Mum.
Well, here's your
peppermints just in case.
Now, I'm only gonna
be gone a couple of days.
That's a long time in medicine.
Yes, it is.
I'm doing a phlebotomy course.
That means blood and stuff.
So when I get back, I'll be
in charge of taking the blood
because of Doc's phobia.
That means fear and stuff.
She's quite nervous.
It's her first real
job, isn't it, Poppy?
- Yeah.
- Apart from selling shells.
Shh, Mum.
Although no one bought them
because she was
standing right by the beach.
Aww. She was only 7.
Right. Poppy, I'd better
show you where everything is.
Bye.
Maybe I should stay
until she gets settled.
- Oh, no need.
- No, Mum.
Well, uh, couldn't I
just have a cup of tea?
Okay, but then you go home.
Stay.
So, this is the consulting
room. This is the kitchen.
This is the doc in the kitchen
plumbing his new dishwasher.
This is the kettle.
[Dishwasher whirring]
So, why don't I leave you
two to get to know each other?
What's your name?
PAULINE: Poppy!
Right.
You're too young
to be reading that.
I'm the same age as you.
PAULINE: So,
this is where I keep
the patients' records
and everything.
Okay, this folder is
for their addresses,
and this one is for
their prescriptions.
Yeah, but what if you
put each patient's stuff
in the same folder?
That would be a
good idea, wouldn't it?
Well, then everything would
be in the same place, wouldn't it?
Yeah, but...
Um, I think I'll be
okay now, Mum.
Yeah, you run along now.
I've got an important
job for Poppy.
Okay, then. Well, good luck.
Don't forget your peppermints.
So, what do you want me to do?
Go and get me a biscuit.
Michael Mabley.
You cornered me in the
Wendy house during wet play
and made me kiss you.
It's me... Pauline.
Pauline.
- You remember me.
- No.
I thought you moved
to Bristol years ago.
What are you doing here?
I need to see the doctor.
[Laughing] No. I meant
back in Portwenn, silly.
It's personal stuff.
Can I see the
doctor now, please?
- If you could just fill in...
- Fill in this form.
- And then...
- And take a seat.
I'll see what I can do.
- Who's next?
- She is...
Mandie Jordan!
Uh, I was thinking,
maybe if I gave the patients
their files to give to you,
then you wouldn't have
to keep coming out here.
[Pauline scoffs]
Um, I just thought it was
a good idea, that's all.
- It is a good idea.
- Really?
- You really think so?
- Mm.
Go through.
- Bye, then, Doc.
- [Door closes]
See you soon.
Should I get the patients a
cup of tea or coffee, then?
Yes.
The doc likes everyone to
have hot drinks. Lots of them.
- Patient care.
- That's it.
Well done, Poppy.
Get that kettle on.
Right.
Who wants a nice
cup of tea, then?
I want the morning-after pill.
- When did you have intercourse?
- I haven't.
Then why do you want
the morning-after pill?
I'm planning to do it one day.
Then what you want
is the contraceptive pill.
Right. So give me that, then.
No. You're 15.
It's against the law.
- You're still a child.
- I'm 16 in two months.
Come back then.
I want the pill now!
You are too young to
have sex. Now leave.
Dickhead.
I'll just go somewhere
else, then, won't I?
DOC MARTIN: Next patient.
[Giggles]
If you could just go in
now, please, Mr. Mabley,
and take that with you.
Thank you.
ZOE: Oh, my God.
That guy was so yum.
- LAURA: Gorgeous.
- Completely.
MANDIE: Yeah.
You know who he was looking at?
- He doesn't fancy you.
- He was only staring at you
'cause he was wondering
where your tits were.
[Laughter]
You gonna cry now?
Work.
[Zoe scoffs]
DOC MARTIN: What's your address?
Well, I'm sort of on the
move at the moment.
All right. Sit on the end
of the couch, please.
Right. Let's have a
look at the wound.
How did this happen?
It just happened.
How?
I was stabbed.
How long ago?
10 days.
Has a doctor seen it?
No.
You're running the risk of
bacteremia and septicemia.
Why didn't you have it
checked when it happened?
I was in prison.
I would have missed my parole.
Hmm. What did you do?
I got stabbed.
Right. I'll take some blood,
start you on antibiotics.
In the meantime, I'll
clean and dress the wound.
You know, Doc, it's not the
sort of thing I want getting out.
You know, people talk.
Patient confidentiality
extends even to parolees.
[Door opens]
Oh. What, no Pauline today?
She's gone on her
course. Can I help?
Louisa Glasson.
I'm a bit late. Sorry.
Someone's taken
your spot, I'm afraid,
so you'll have to wait.
Sorry.
Oh. Right.
Tea?
Tea?
Mmm.
She makes a good
cup of tea, the new girl.
Can't believe I'm anemic.
I feel like such a teenager.
You're doing all
the right things.
You may feel tired,
um, have difficulty fighting
infections and so on.
So, tonight.
7:00, then?
Um, I'd rather
not eat after 6:30.
Oh. 6:30.
That's early.
Mm. It keeps me awake.
Well, 6:00's fine.
I'll just move everything
forward an hour.
It's not a problem.
Good.
[Clears throat]
Did you realize this
was a doctor's surgery?
If you want to
work in a tearoom,
then I'm sure it
can be arranged.
Do I make myself clear?
We don't serve tea.
Next patient, please.
- Do something with it, then.
- You're not the boss of me.
Well, actually, yeah, I
am. Bert made me chef.
And chop half a dozen of these.
See if you can keep
your acrylics out of them.
- Bert around?
- [Gasps]
Oh, don't do that.
Doesn't look like it, does it?
Heard he might be hiring.
I'm a cook.
So am I.
I'm Mick.
Just in case anything comes up.
Wouldn't say no to him.
Onions.
Right. Onions, yeah.
[Man singing in Spanish]
Ohh!
[Clears throat]
[Woman singing in Spanish]
[Music stops]
Bugger!
LAURA: All right, Big Tits.
[Laughter]
Give me a drink.
Go get your own.
Bet you don't know what this is.
Your plastic surgeon's
number for your boob job?
It's that hot guy
from the doc's.
He wants to take me out.
Liar.
[Cellphone beeps, dialing]
- Hey!
- It's probably your gran.
[Dialing continues]
[Ringing]
[Cellphone rings]
Yep?
Hello?
Well, go on, then.
Who is this?
Hello?
What did you do that for?
I want some privacy, don't I?
You're pathetic.
He didn't give you
his number, did he?
Come on. See you later, stalker.
Yeah, stalker.
[Young women laughing]
ZOE: Oh, look. Doc's been asked
to see Miss
Glasson after school.
He must have done
something really naughty.
Or maybe he's about to
do something really naughty.
[Laughs]
Hello. There's no electricity.
The fuse thingy keeps tripping.
Ah. Right.
Well, I-I could take a look
at that for you if you like.
I brought you these.
Oh, thank you, Martin.
They're yams, a
rich source of iron.
Um...
Well, I'll just put
these in water.
Do you know where
your fuse box is?
Yeah, the cooker's done it.
Right out from under the stairs.
- LOUISA: I know.
- DOC MARTIN: There we are.
- [Music plays]
- That's done it.
- The main switch was tripped.
- Yeah, I know.
Like I said, there's something
wrong with the new cooker.
DOC MARTIN: Over there.
- [Screams]
- Martin!
Bugger!
Oh!
Well, there's a fault
with your cooker.
I know!
You need to get an
electrician to look at it.
- I know.
- Don't touch it.
Thanks. Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
I'm really, really sorry.
You know, I've been
working on this all day,
and I wanted it to be perfect,
and it's absolutely ruined.
Well, it smells like it
would have been very nice
had it been, uh, fully cooked.
Right. Uh...
We could always go to Bert's.
When you get down to it,
there's not much to choose
between plumbing and dining.
I mean, it's all to do
with the pipes, isn't it?
Although, in this case, a
bit of rumbling in the tum
isn't such a bad thing to hear.
Now, Mandie, your waitperson
will be right over to
take your pud order.
And as they say abroad, enjoy.
Right. The scallops.
They're very
fresh. They're nice.
You'll like them.
Here, it's filling up out there.
You got to look sharp,
Theresa. Chop-chop!
Theresa, can I borrow
some of your lip gloss?
Oh, it's missing
something. Oh, I know.
You know the secret of
this, love, is in the seasoning.
- THERESA: I've already done it.
- What?
I've already done it. Stop it.
BERT: Now watch me.
You always need a little
bit more than you think.
THERESA: Get off. I'll do it.
[Breathing heavily]
What's the matter?
Oh, it's nothing.
It's just butterflies.
You've got to step
it up a notch, girls.
Come on.
This looks nice, doesn't it?
Uh, well...
Oh. Evening, Doctor.
So, how was my
Poppy on her first day?
Uh... adequate.
Sort of.
Doc, Louisa. This way, please.
I've got a lovely
sea view for you.
DOC MARTIN: Yes.
Oh, thanks, Bert.
Here we are. [Chuckles]
You had me going there, Doc,
when you said you
might not come tonight.
I mean, you're quite
the joker, aren't you?
Now, when it comes down to
it, there's not much to choose
between plumbing and dining.
It's all to do with the
rumbling in the pipes.
[Laughs]
What do you mean?
Well, you know, the
rumbling in the tum.
You know, like
there's an air block.
Borborygmi.
Excuse me?
The sound your stomach
makes. It's called borborygmi.
It's due to contractions
in the wall of the bowel.
Drink, Louisa?
Yeah, a glass of white
wine, please, Bert.
White wine. And, Doc?
Water. Bottled.
Bottled.
Excuse me.
Right. Let's, um,
have a look at these.
You got to chop
quicker than that.
- Here, let me show you.
- Bert!
I have worked in
a restaurant before.
The doctor and the
teacher want the salad.
Two salade de la maison, Chef.
MANDIE: And the steak
medium and the fish special thing
for the other table.
Whoops.
Oh, and table six want to know
if you're chasing the
bloody cow down the lane.
Well...
I'm reading a really
great book at the moment.
What was it called?
Oh, you know, it's up for all
the big prizes at the moment.
Two salads.
Oh, thanks.
I've just finished a study
of cutaneous diphtheria
and the treatment of
infected skin ulcers.
Hm.
Dermatological
Society's book of the year.
- Mm?
- Mm.
"Fingers in My Pockets."
- I beg your pardon?
- My book.
It's called "Fingers
in My Pockets."
Oh, right.
[Gagging]
Oh, God.
Martin? Martin!
Martin?
Oh, it's okay, Doc.
Everything's under control.
You go back and sit down.
- There's blood on my plate!
- It's this girl here.
She's not too handy
with the old cleaver.
- Excuse me?
- There's blood on my plate!
- Oh, God!
- BERT: Oh.
Okay, Doc. Look, look.
Just go and sit down.
I know you're not too
good with this sort of thing.
I'll bring you a fresh
salad directly, right?
And you mop the
rest of this blood up.
Where's your first-aid box?
Do you have a first-aid box?
Do you know the first
thing about kitchen hygiene?
THERESA: Yes. I've
nearly got an NVQ, actually.
What in, poisoning people?
I so do not need this right now.
This kitchen is disgusting!
I've been feeding
myself for years.
Haven't killed myself once.
Well, you explain that to the
environmental health inspector.
Here, Doc.
Doc.
Doc, calm down!
It's just a little mess.
I'll have it cleaned
up in no time.
LOUISA: What's going on?
There was blood in my salad.
What? Blood?
It's all right, folks.
It's just a little mishap.
Everything is fine. All right?
Bert, I quit.
I can't work in
these conditions.
Ow. Doc, this really hurts.
You better get going quick.
All right. Come with me.
[Clears throat] Goodbye.
Louisa. Where are you going?
Oh, I'm sorry, Bert. I've
rather lost my appetite.
All right. Who wants a
free glass of wine, then?
JOE: What's going on, Bert?
Nothing for you to
worry about, Joe.
I'll be the judge of that.
I've just seen a member of
the public leave in distress
with some sort of flesh wound.
Why don't you sit down
and just have a glass of wine,
for Pete's sake?
You got a license for
serving that, have you, Bert?
Of course this place
has got a license.
It always has had.
The license comes with the
proprietor, not the premises.
If you carry on serving
alcohol, you're breaking the law.
I didn't know that.
[Breathing rapidly]
You're late.
I've got a bit of a
funny tummy, actually.
Couldn't keep my breakfast down.
Good morning, Bert.
Well, what you are doing here?
I work here, don't I?
I don't have a drinks license.
And no one eats in a
restaurant where they can't drink.
And even if they did,
there's no one to do the food,
so strictly speaking, no,
you don't work here no more.
What's that, then?
You need a cook.
He's a friend of mine.
He's a really good cook.
It's a bit late for
that, my lover.
I'll call him for you.
You'd better go home.
Drink plenty of water.
And I'll need a stool sample.
Do you know what
a stool sample is?
In there?
Yes, of course in there.
But why would you need a
sample of that if I'm being sick?
I'm a doctor. It's what we do.
What are you waiting for?
[Footsteps approaching]
Mr. Large?
Who wants to know?
Mick Mabley.
I went to school with Al.
Oh.
Last time I saw you,
you were riding a BMX
bike through my veg patch.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Listen, your girl Mandie
called. Said you needed a cook.
- Hmm?
- Well, I've got experience.
Worked all over the place.
I could fill in while you
find someone permanent.
The thing is I just don't have
a drinks license at the moment.
So have people bring
their own till you get one.
Charge corkage.
Corkage?
Make them pay to
bring their own booze,
like they do on the Continent.
Next.
Next!
[Drawer slams]
Oh, good. Take this girl home.
Actually, I'm not
feeling too good.
You'll have to wait your turn.
Who's next? Mrs. Poustie.
That's me. I've
been awful sick, Doc.
You're not the only one.
Who else has been vomiting?
What is it with you people?
This always happens.
If one of you gets
it, you all get it.
Athlete's foot would
spread like the plague.
- Did you wash your hands?
- No.
Oh, well, goodness
gracious. Maybe there's a link.
If you all just observed
the simplest of
personal-hygiene routines,
we could all be spared this.
Now go and wash your hands.
It's like living in a
village of lemmings.
Now, hold on,
there, Dr. Ellingham.
We've all had a chat
about this sickness thing,
and we think we know
where it comes from.
Oh, do you? Enlighten me.
We were all at Bert's
restaurant last night.
- Same as you.
- WOMAN: That's right.
Bert.
Doc.
Excuse me.
I have treated seven cases
of nausea this morning,
and they all ate
here last night.
Doc, keep it down,
for God's sake.
I see, not content with
laying low half of Portwenn,
you've started on the visitors.
If it wasn't for your little
performance last night,
I'd have locals in by now.
I want you to close
this restaurant.
Come into the kitchen, right?
I put everything I've
got into this place.
You're certainly
putting something into it
that's making the
people very ill, indeed.
I eat here, and
I'm perfectly fine.
Bert, you've have spent
your entire working life
with your arm down a lavatory.
You're bound to have built up
a resistance to certain bacteria.
The point is that you are
by profession and design
a plumber, not a restaurateur.
See?
This is my new chef.
Proper job. Knows all
about hygiene and stuff.
This is Mick Mabley.
Yes, we've met.
Well, a quick tidy-up
isn't gonna do it, Bert.
You still don't have the
required safety measures.
Where's your first-aid box?
Behind you.
BERT: Everything shipshape
and Bristol fashion, Doc.
Health and safety and
food-hygiene certificates
in the folder there.
Right.
Let's hope that's the end of it.
- [Cellphone rings]
- Excuse me.
Hello?
Yes.
Are you hot?
Oh. Have you taken anything?
Okay.
Well, you sit tight,
and I'll be right there.
- Hi.
- Oh, that was quick.
I only really needed
some advice.
- I didn't need a home visit.
- That's all right.
I was just around the
corner when you phoned.
Thanks. Come in.
Sorry. Sorry about the mess.
Thank you.
I'll, uh, just wash my hands.
Martin, have you found a towel?
Uh, yes.
[Knock on door]
Yeah, come in, Martin.
Oh, Martin, you've, uh...
It's my bra.
What?
Uh, my bra.
Sorry. It's just it's...
It's my best one.
DOC MARTIN: Uh, sorry.
May... May I?
Yeah, please.
And what are your symptoms?
Well, it's just vomiting.
I just feel so rotten.
Well, your anemia will
probably make you feel worse
than the other patients.
I've seen seven people.
Similar cases today.
When we were at Bert's last
night, did you eat anything?
Just a few mouthfuls
of salad, that's all.
Oh. Salad's potentially more
dangerous than cooked foods.
The heat kills off the bacteria.
- Mm.
- [Thermometer beeps]
I'll just...
Yeah. Keep drinking
plenty of fluids.
I'll give you something
to replace the body
salts and sugars.
Times like this you wish your
mum would bring you some toast.
Well, I could make
you some toast.
Oh, no. No, thanks.
Louisa, I...
Yes?
I'm going to need
a stool sample.
Mm.
Oh. Dr. Ellingham.
Mrs. Tishell.
I would like my package,
and I need some more
rehydration salts, please.
Your package. Right here.
And I just wanted
to say, Doctor,
that I know there are
some people in this village
who might not
appreciate a firm hand,
but I think that
you are handling
the whole sorry situation of
the sickness from that restaurant
very well.
- And the rehydration salts?
- Yes, Doctor.
It must be hard to
be the voice of reason
amidst a sea of dissenters,
and I think that we in
the medical profession...
That will be all. Just
put it on my account.
I could just eat
him with a spoon.
I'm late. I know. You
don't have to go on about it.
Here, taste this.
Mick's just taught me how to
make perfect scrambled eggs.
Now, if this isn't the best
scrambled eggs you ever had,
I'll put your miniskirt on
and run through the village.
- It's not cooked.
- Of course it's not cooked.
That's the whole point.
It's meant to be runny.
Here, try again.
I thought we had an
understanding, Bert.
This back here is my
area. You're out front.
Oh, excuse me.
I'll be out front.
So, how are you settling
into the village, then?
Don't plan on staying long.
I'll show you 'round
the fun parts, if you like.
I don't need a kid to show
me where the playground is.
Why aren't these in the fridge?
[Poppy clears throat]
Um, I'm sorry for being ill.
Go home, Poppy.
Oh, I'm fine now,
and Mum says I should
battle on like a professional.
I don't need you here today.
Is it my breath? Um...
Sorry. Is it still
a bit sicky, then?
Pauline's coming back today.
Oh.
Mum said I should be
here for the handover.
Well, good for your mum.
Ow! Ow!
Surgery isn't open yet.
I think I'm gonna die.
Morning, Bert.
Finished my course.
Got my certificate
and everything.
Want to see it?
Oh. That's
great, isn't it, girl?
Got any blood you want taken?
[Both laugh]
So, anything been happening
here whilst I've been in Truro?
Oh, how was the
big opening night?
I bet it was great, wasn't it?
Why don't you ask the doc, eh?
I'm sure he'll tell
you all about it.
Now, if you don't mind,
I've got a bit of work to do.
No, you're not dying.
It's food poisoning.
You're the ninth
person I've treated
who's eaten food from
Bert Large's restaurant.
I know I am dying.
I know you're not.
You don't know anything.
I took Theresa's pills.
What pills?
You know. "The pill" pills.
How many?
All of them.
I've done something terrible
to my insides, haven't I?
No, a contraceptive overdose
is uncomfortable but not fatal.
Why did you take them?
My tits, okay?
They're not...
They're too small.
Is that why you asked
me for birth-control tablets?
What, did you think the estrogen
would make your breasts grow?
Theresa got tits
when she was 12.
- It's not fair.
- It probably isn't fair.
But there's nothing
you can do about it.
The body develops
at its own rate.
Um... go home and keep warm.
The nausea will
pass in 12 hours or so.
They pick on me all the
time. They're horrible.
- Who?
- My friends.
[Sniffles]
Oh. Uh...
Oh. Uh...
[Sobbing]
Uh... all right, sit down there.
Um...
shush.
Hiya. I'm back.
So, how was it?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, good.
Um, was it scary, you know,
with the blood and that, or...
Poppy, do you have
your peppermints?
Yeah.
Thank you.
I'm back.
Yes.
Get out of my chair!
I think that will
solve your problem.
What is it?
I'd rather not say.
Is it illegal?
Hasn't been, uh,
clinically tested.
So I'm, like, part of a trial?
- Mm.
- These will give me tits?
If you take one once
a week, and only one.
Oh, my God.
Provided you take regular
exercise and eat well,
don't smoke or don't drink,
your breasts will develop.
How long for?
Until you finish them,
finish the course.
- Shall I take one now?
- Yes.
Put it under your
tongue and let it dissolve.
It tastes like peppermint.
That's correct, yes.
Everyone here got sick.
It was Bert's place that did it.
- [Door opens]
- MANDIE: Thank you, Doc.
- All right?
- Hi.
[Telephone rings]
Dr. Ellingham's surgery.
Yes. Yes, hello.
I was gonna call you, actually.
As of yesterday evening, I'm
a fully certified phlebotomist,
and as such, I
will be the interface
between your laboratory
and our surgery
on all blood-related
matters in the Portwenn area.
- Is that for me?
- My...
DOC MARTIN: Ellingham.
No, I think your laboratory
has made a mistake.
Are you sure?
I know what Norwalk
virus is. Don't lecture me.
I'll call them back.
MICK: You doing a runner?
Oh, no.
I'm just off to see
the bank manager.
Here. This jacket's
probably older than he is.
No, I am gonna tell him that
we need a bit more leeway
than anticipated, that's all.
Good. Because you're gonna
have to pay me on Friday, aren't you?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I said I would, and
I'm a man of my word.
Wish me luck.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh. Oh.
I know, Doc.
Don't tell me. It's a
heart attack, right?
Will you stop talking, please?
You'll interfere with the ECG.
Al lost his mother. If I
go, he'll be an orphan.
Al will manage.
He's 6' tall and 25 years old.
He's only 5'8", and he's
still a teenager in my eyes.
He's not like me, Doc. He's
not wise to the ways of the world.
Bert, there are two
ways we can determine
whether you're
having a heart attack.
Now you can shut up
and let me do the ECG.
Or you can prattle on,
and we'll see if you die
in the next couple minutes.
Thank you.
What are you still
hanging around for?
Oh. Well, my mum said she'd
come and collect me, so...
What have you done to
my appointments page?
Oh, right. Yeah.
I changed it a bit.
Right. Why did
you do that, then?
Well, 'cause it's better,
isn't it, and prettier.
- And my mum says...
- Can I have a cup of tea?
Yeah.
[Rattling]
Pauline!
Did you experience any
tightening in the chest?
Yes, and nausea and
tingling and rapid pulse.
- Disorientation?
- Yes, all of those.
So it was a heart attack
after all, Doc, right?
No. It wasn't a heart attack.
We can assume that you
suffered from a panic attack.
No, no. I felt it,
Doc. I didn't panic.
The symptoms of an
extreme panic attack
are very similar to those
of an actual heart attack.
Ow!
It was real, Doc.
Bert, you did not
have a heart attack.
Good. Ow! Ow.
Ow!
Is that good, Doc?
It's got to be good, hasn't it?
Is there anything you
could be stressing about?
No, I can't think
of a single thing.
Well..let me see.
My life savings are being
eaten into by an empty restaurant
that's been shut down
by the local quack.
Apart from that, no. I
mean, my life is fine.
Right. Well, I prescribed
you some medication
in case it happens again.
Bert, I spoke to the laboratory.
It seems that the outbreak
was caused by a viral
rather than bacterial
infection, as I'd first assumed.
Well, what does that mean?
That means that it's
worse than I suspected.
This particular virus
is spread through the
ingestion of fecal matter.
Fecal matter?
- Isn't that...
- Yes.
You've somehow managed to feed
your customers untreated sewage.
- But I...
- [Door opens]
Pauline, I'm in the
middle of a consultation!
I know, Doc, I know.
Please calm down.
We have an emergency
situation going on in the kitchen,
and I really need Bert here to
come and have a look right away.
What you've got here...
[Sniffs] Ooh!
Is a classical case of
waste-pipe pump back up.
What does that mean?
It means that you've
been washing your dishes
with water that has
already been elsewhere.
What does that mean?
Water from the toilet has been
getting into the dishwasher.
[Hissing]
- Oh!
- Oh.
PAULINE: Oh!
You're looking at the end result
of a pressure
build-up in the system.
Oh, I don't believe it, Poppy.
You've only been giving
patients cups washed in poo water.
Is this what you call
fecal matter, Doc?
Yes.
And what cowboy did you get
to do this piece of
extreme plumbing?
Well, I clearly followed
the instructions.
The, uh, pipes must
have become confused.
[Laughing] Confused?
And you a surgeon
and everything.
I wasted valuable time trying
to find the cause of an illness
when I just needed to ask
the weedy girl behind the desk
why she'd taken it upon herself
to give everyone a cup of tea!
- Because Pauline said to.
- No, I didn't.
[Poppy sighs]
Don't be too hard on her, Doc.
She's not very experienced.
[Door closes]
[Hissing]
BERT: Look.
[Water bubbling]
ZOE: Hey, where have you been?
My little sister's finished
with her training bra
and wants to give it to you.
Well, at least I don't
have great Dumbo ears.
Actually, they're more like
giant satellite dishes, really.
Hey!
Well, I'm gonna go down the
beach and watch the surfers.
Come on, girls. I'm going.
Hi, Martin.
Oh. Louisa.
Well, whatever you
gave me did the trick.
I feel great now.
Oh, good, good.
And the man from
Wadebridge Electric
has just fixed my cooker,
so I guess we should
reschedule that our dinner date.
- Wednesday?
- Thursday.
- Thursday.
- Thursday. Great.
- 6:30?
- 6:30. Yeah.
Observing your
carbohydrate curfew.
That's right, yes.
[Chuckles]
See you.
Subtitling made
possible by Acorn Media