Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 6 - Girl Power - full transcript

♪♪

♪♪ "Little Bitty Pretty One"
playing...

♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ Mm-mm-mm
mm-mm-mm-mm ♪

I'm just saying

that this could be
a big thing for us.

Money, a new start.

You always say,

"I'll think about it.
I'll think about it."

'Cause I'm
thinking about it.

Oh, you'd rather a man
who didn't think?



Maybe just one
who thought a little quicker.

♪♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Whoa
oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Whoa
oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

What was that?

It sounded like...

a ship?

♪ Whoa... ♪

♪♪

We should
go find a phone,

call for help.

♪♪

Were there any
reports of tornados?



How did it get here?

There's no water
for miles!

Hello?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪
*DIRK GENTLY'S
Holistic Detective Agency*
Season 02 Episode 06
Title: "Girl Power"

Mom? Is that you?

Oh, I'm so happy
you're here.

We can go
home together.

Something happened
last night, Mom.

Something incredible!

I finally figured out

why I've been
such a jerk to you.

I've always just felt
like you didn't want me,

and that just made me
so angry all the time!

But...
all that's all gonna change now.

Because I...
I totally support you.

And I love you.

And I...

Gravta bazan.

Is this... a joke?

No, sir.

Same situation
as Project Icarus...

some sort of
electrical pulse,

a brief break
in the surveillance,

water all over
the place.

This is the second subject
that we have lost this week,

and there's three of them!

How come every time
I leave you in charge,

subjects disappear?

I'm not in charge, sir.

I'm... I'm just
a lieutenant.

A lieutenant?

I thought you were
my assistant.

No, sir.

I'm Lieutenant Assistent.

You mean, like,

your last name
is "Assistent"?

Like, with an "E"
or something?

Yes.

Gah! Why is everything
so stupid?

I've been
going about this all wrong.

There's only one smart person
in this whole stupid building!

Is that necessary?

Nice!

Oh ho ho ho ho ho...

sweet!

♪ Tall and tan
and young and lovely ♪

♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪

Oh, yes! Yes!

♪ Each one she passes
Goes "ah" ♪

♪ When she walks
she's like a samba ♪

♪ That swings so cool
and sways so gently ♪

♪ ...let go, you've gotta
break these chains ♪

♪ You've gotta let go ♪

♪ You've gotta
break these chains ♪

♪ You've gotta understand
that we ain't going anywhere ♪

Okay.

Oh, ho, ho, man.

I am so screwed.

Ahem.

Okay. So...

Y'all gotta go.

Just ripped
my underwear.

'Cause this
is a police station.

Huh. Hmm.

Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go!

What...

So...

Good first concert?

I feel... renewed.

And...

incredibly dirty.

Yeah.

That sounds about right.

Where's Dirk?

Mm.

Hi!

Last night,

you and all your friends,
you were out there yelling

and kissing

and just grabbing
each other's butts

and giving each other
compliments.

It was a mess.

Mm. It-It was a mistake...
coming in here.

I-I-I was in
quite a state last night...

Are you back
to being scared of me?

- Mm-hmm.
- Why?

- You tried to kill me.
- This again?

Yeah, sorry.

This forever.

Aah!

You know,
I don't get you.

You're going through
the same thing as me,

I can tell.

Do you even know
how it works?

You talk about
the interconnectedness

with all those
big, fancy words,

but do you even know
what you are?

Do you?

Do you have
an answer, Bart?

You're not exactly a bastion
of eloquent, articulate thought,

but do you have some kind
of insight to offer me,

or are you just
going to indolently scowl at me

while I'm trapped in your cage?

I'm just an assassin.

But I'll tell you what...

I'm starting to get a feeling
this will all end badly.

I'm sorry.

I failed.

It went wrong.
I, um...

I dropped the wand,

but I'm gonna
make it right.

I just...
I dropped the wand,

but I just need
another shot,

another chance,

and I swear I will
get Dirk Gently.

I'll get The Boy.

It doesn't matter.

Are you all right?

See for yourself.

Wait, is that
supposed to be you?

I suppose
I always suspected

there was something
wrong with my world.

Even as
I took it over,

it felt off somehow,
you know?

Um, I don't...

This is
just a picture.

Just a picture?

Look there.

This is the Battle of Star Rock.

This is the first kingdom
that I conquered.

And here, there's the war
for Knick-Knack Highlands!

And this is the ambush
at Marshmallow Mountains.

So?

All of these are battles
that I won easily.

There's no way anyone
could know all these details!

I've killed everyone in my world
who could tell these stories.

And yet,
these drawings show them all,

with one difference...
I lose.

Every time.

Don't you see?

This is how
it was meant to be.

I'm just a...

just a puppet.

Just a "bad guy."

The person who did this

must be The Boy
of the prophecy,

and Dirk Gently's
already found him!

If I return...

to Wendimoor...

I'll be defeated.

All this time,
I was built to lose...

by a child.

Do you know
where The Boy is?

And... what?

You're just giving up?

You're just
gonna, what...

let him live?

All because of some
stupid kid's drawing

in a weird old
crackhouse,

you're all sulky
and depressed.

No! Uh-uh.

You told me

I was gonna
be a queen.

A queen!

I'm sorry, Mr. Mage,
but this isn't over.

Not by a long shot.

- I'm gonna finish this myself!
- You watch your tongue,

- you impudent...
- Or what? Hmm?

Do you see me in
your stupid drawing?

You may think

that you're some
kind of fantasy...

but I'm real!

I am real!

No. I'm sorry, I've never
seen this woman before.

You said
she had a wand?

Or something, yes.

It was a wand.
It was definitely a magic wand.

Let's bite that bullet.

Perhaps she was there to help.

You said
she cast a love spell?

She did not look like
she wanted to help, okay?

She was headed
right for Dirk.

Dirk, do you think Suzie Boreton
got it from Wendimoor?

Maybe she's been to Wendimoor.

Maybe that's
how Amanda got there.

Bit of a logical leap
there, Todd.

Look, we should be
just trying to finish this,

before anything else happens,

not getting hung up on details.

- "Details"?
- Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Maybe Wendimoor's
always existed, somehow,

and Arnold Cardenas
is the guy who found it,

and then his parents...
murdered each other,

and the government
locked it down?

Then why is this
all happening now?

The prophecy was
spoken ages ago.

What could've
set it into motion?

Ooh! Ooh!
That's one of those...

That is a good question, man.

Why have we not been
talking to this guy sooner?

I am pro-this guy, now.
I am Team Poncho!

"Panto."

I don't understand how
Suzie Boreton's involved.

Is she under some kind
of spell too, or...?

Wait...

The prophecy...

The prophecy!

- What?
- What?

In the prophecy,

didn't you say

the dark wizard would
find an apprentice?

Isn't that how it all started?

Look, isn't it probable,
possible,

indeed very likely,

and, in fact, almost certain

that Suzie Boreton
met this Mage person,

and is, for some reason,
in league with him?

You're saying Suzie Boreton
is, what, some kind of witch?

Yeah, like
a crappy junior witch, right?

I don't think the "love spell"
or whatever

was an intentional move.

I think it was a mistake.

She looked like
she wanted to hurt us.

I... I think Bob Boreton
was enchanted too.

I think that's why
he attacked us.

This man, The Mage,
must've got here first,

before Panto.

I... If he knows
the prophecy you told us

about saving Wendimoor,

he'd know my name,

that I'd "bring The Boy"
who would stop him...

He'd want to kill me.

The Mage is a cruel,
sadistic monster.

He's destroyed
most of my world

just for the sake
of his own amusement.

If you're correct,

and The Mage is here,

or has an agent
in your world...

then I'm afraid you're
all in grave danger.

There's a way
to find out.

Farah, if you find the clothes
you were wearing last night,

you'll find
Scott Boreton's phone.

Hello?

Suzie Boreton?
This is Deputy Tina Tevetino.

I'm afraid to tell you

Scott's gotten himself
into some trouble again.

You don't say.

It's not a class-one felony,
uh, but I have had to hold him.

He's saying a lot of stuff
about a "mage" or something,

I don't know, was hoping
you could clear some things up.

Why are you
lying to me, Tina?

Uh...

You don't understand
who you're antagonizing.

You have no idea
what I could do to you.

Well, Suzie...

I feel like you're threatening
me right now, so that's...

You people embarrassed me!

You laughed at me.

You were

dancing and having fun

while I was crawling
on the ground...

Uh, we didn't...

I was just trying
to do something for myself,

just kill one person,

and now I have
mud in my hair!

You think I'm going to let
people make me feel small again?

I am done feeling small.

Nuh-uh.

You know how much bullshit
I've had to deal with?

Well, not anymore.

No, I won't let
your negative attitude

drag me down.

I will cover myself

in your blood!

I have high
self-esteem.

I am...

magnificent.

And I'm going
to kill all of you!

I think it's time
you gave me my gun back.

Well...

your first error

was letting Priest
use his own guys.

Right.
I-I see that.

And your second error...

Can we not...
list my errors?

- There are a lot...
- I know.

There are, like,
a lot of errors.

I know!
Like, there are errors, and then,

nothing else... only errors.

Ugh! Can you get
the Rowdy Three back?

Our priority should be
what's happening in Bergsberg.

But it doesn't
make any sense

that there wasn't
any police response

to what happened
at the motel.

Priest is still there, right?

Have him ping
the GPS trackers

in the Bergsberg Sheriff
Department vehicles.

Let's find out where they are.

What would be
the point of that?

Well, everything is connect...

You really still don't get
how this works, do you?

Like, no!

Could I talk to Mr. Priest?

Well, I mean, he just ignores
everything I say,

so, like... sure.

You know I'm gonna need
a higher clearance for that.

Of course.

I want
that square head!

They're all square. Cubes.

These things are so
dumb, and I love it!

It's "The Bad Cube Gang"!

Mm. Canadian-made.

That's
a nice hat there, drummer.

I just don't
trust cubes.

There's too many
dimensions.

It's confusing!

Are you gonna tell us
how you did that trick?

How you sucked us through
the floor like that?

I don't know, Martin.

I'm...

I'm still learning.

Mmm.

But I'm happy to see you.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I been
around a long time.

I seen a lot of
wild-style bamboo,

but those furry monsters,

it's new to me.

You have truly
upped my limit.

I'm just going with
the flow right now.

Trying to not ask
too many questions.

Hey, drummer!
One of the Martians

is touching me again!

Vogel, we've been
through this!

This is not Mars.

But it might be Canada.

It's not Canada, Cross.

That guy's Canadian!

We are in the woods right now!
That's Canada!

Like I said...
you've upped my limit.

I'm gonna figure out
how to get us home.

Is that the plan?

I mean, we just
got here, right?

I thought she was
teaching you stuff.

She is, yeah.

But...

Don't you guys...

I thought you would
want to leave.

No, drummer.

You're in charge.

I'm in charge?

Where you go,
we go.

Hell, you dragged us
out of that pit.

And you think we would
just wanna walk away?

If you wanna learn magic,
learn that weird crap.

We ain't got no place to be
but here for you.

♪♪

Guys, this is a mess.

I just checked
the station voicemail,

and there are nine
messages saying

that the motel's all shot up,
like the Wild West,

and government trucks
coming through,

and drones in the sky,

and weird encrypted messages
using secure channels?

Blackwing.

- This is bad.
- And Hobbs

isn't
picking up his phone,

and he always
picks up his phone,

and I checked
my stupid voicemail, and...

It was on silent,

and I got a message
from him last night.

He was over
at the Cardenas',

and something was happening,

and he... he was amped.

You know, nervous?

Hobbs is never nervous.

And I...

Farah, uh, uh, what's...
what's our next move?

Do we...
Do we wait for him here, or...

We can't stay here, Tina.

We should go
to the Cardenas house.

That's where
the portal is hidden,

that's how we get to Wendimoor,
and that's where Hobbs

- said he was!
- No!

That's where Hobbs said he was.

We've got no guarantee
where, or even if, he is.

You are all now
actively in danger,

and that's my fault,
so...

You know what?

Actually...
I've finished the case.

I've done as Mona asked.

I've found The Boy.

But Wendimoor...

Mona didn't say
anything about Wendimoor.

May not even be real.

According to you,
Mona barely said anything.

We've seen Panto, Amanda,
magic wands...

Then we go
to the hospital.

If anyone can put
all this to rest

and stop any more
of this nonsense

leading to anyone else
getting hurt,

it's Arnold Cardenas.

Finishing the case
is our way out of this.

The hospital is our only
useful destination.

Arnold is the only one
who knows what actually happened

in that house
all those years ago

that caused all this.

He is male,
he, at one point, was a child,

and he damn near shat himself
when he saw Panto.

Good enough for me.

Clap-clap!

He is The Boy!
He has to be The Boy!

He's a boy who went
into a magical painting

or opened a door
to another universe

where, I guess,
the Purple People-Eater lived,

or some stupid thing,

and yes, that makes no sense,

and I don't know
how to connect it to Mona

or anything else,
but who cares?

Me? No!

'Cause guess what?

Snap-snap. I'm calling it!

Case over.

We get him,
he shows us to Wendimoor,

prophecy fulfilled!

Mona is involved in some way,
I'm sure,

and mystery solved,
solved all over the place.

Done. Done!

I'll "find The Boy," what,
six times in a row if I have to!

Done! Did it!

I'll point at him. "Did it!"

That's my new thing.
"Did it!"

Is he okay?

Honestly?

No clue.

But the sooner we
get to the hospital,

the better.

I'm gonna
get the air gun.

Oh, no. No, no, Todd.

Are you sure
that you need that?

Wh... Todd?

Hello, Icarus.

♪♪

Whosever idea
it was to track the cop cars,

buy that guy a donut.

I can't.

I can't. It's too much.

Could we take a break?

Could we just take, like,
I don't know, five?

The pool is just
a stepping stone, a tool.

If you can learn
to control your visions,

you can learn
to control your reality.

You've already used it before.

Yeah. You helped me.

If I try to do it again,
I'll have an attack.

Then have one!

What?

How can you say that?
You know that it hurts!

- How do you feel?
- Angry.

Why are you angry?

'Cause I'm afraid!

Fear is just a thing...
like anything else.

A feeling
that exists inside of you.

I thought you were punk.

I am punk.

Screw you!

♪♪

Oh! I'm having an attack!

There's a knife in my hand!

I see it.
You are in control.

Stay calm.

Separate from reality.
Go to the place within.

The physical world

is just something you
experience with your body.

Your body is a collection
of meat and blood and bone.

Your awareness
can separate.

Separate!

The knife is just
an illusion,

your illusion.

Own it!
Control it!

Make it your reality!

♪♪

Oh, shit!

The attack is over...
but the knife is real!

I created the knife.

I am a freakin' witch-a-koo-koo!

Hey, Tina.

"Wacky T"!

I've never seen you
this far east.

I heard
you became a cop.

And working with Hobbs,
no less.

I, uh...

Oh, hiya... Rizzio!

Marnie!

Marnie Fee from over
there in Great Falls.

Oh. Uh, yeah. Hi.

Hiya. Did you conversate
with Hobbs recently?

I've been trying
to reach him.

Yeah. Me too, actually.

A shipment of guns from
Great Falls was stolen.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Ya don't say?

Suspects went poof,
into thin air,

but get this...
we found out whoever paid them

used gold bars
with big "K" s on them,

like something
out of a fairytale.

The Mage.

We have to go. Now.

Sure...
Sure. Bye, Tina!

Uh, good to see you...

Marnie.

♪♪

Whoever you are,
get out of here.

Oh, no...
I'm Dirk Gently.

Remember?

I was told
to find you

by a woman
named Mona Wilder.

Do you know
who that is?

No.

Leave me alone.

Yes. You said

"the house
within a house"

and the air gun
were made for you.

By whom?
Who made them?

Someone in Wendimoor?

Do you know how
to get there?

Wendimoor can't be real.

If it is...
I'll never be forgiven.

Forgiven by who?

My parents
were always fighting...

over money...

the motel, the farm.

A company called "Kellum"
wanted to buy our land.

My mother wanted to sell...

but my papi,
he wanted to stay.

The fighting
got worse and worse.

And then, one night...

My mother came home
in a shiny new car...

Kellum had bought her.

The scissors...

I lost both my parents
in one night.

Is that why
you called the government?

Because your mother
killed your father?

What does that have
to do with Wendimoor?

I thought I was
going to be taken there.

It was a promise.

Wendimoor would be
a safe haven...

but it can't exist.

Well, if it does,
can you take us there?

Maybe...

Yes.

Then put your shoes on.

We're going
to another dimension.

Priest.

Update.

This is not
Supervisor Friedkin.

To whom am I speaking?

Uh, no, it's cool.

I'm still in charge,

but my friend Ken
here knows Dirk...

Update, please?

Interesting.

The subject and accomplices
have entered the hospital.

There's no sign
of any activity yet.

Let us know
if anything changes.

Otherwise, hold back.
Your team is en route.

♪♪

Things appear to be getting
a bit more interestin' here.

I have an unknown female

approaching the premises

looking...

sorta...

nuts.

What is up with her?

♪♪

Excuse me?

Can I help you?

Drop your weapon!

Things are getting distinctly
supernatural around here.

Bursts of light
coming from inside.

It might be time...

for me to move in.

Find
Project Icarus!

But stay back,

unless the subjects
are in danger.

I don't want
any subjects hurt,

you hear me?

Yeah, I got that.

What about the civilians
and accomplices?

Project Icarus
is the priority.

Oh.

I like you, Ken.

Attention, all staff.

This is not a drill.

A controlled hospital lockdown
is now in effect.

Please enter
the nearest room

and lock the doors.

♪♪

Hey! Freeze!

Shit's going down.

It's Suzie Boreton.
It has to be.

This is
all my fault.

We need to get
Arnold out of here.

I betrayed him.

We need to go, now!

Go, go, go, go.

Where the hell
is she coming from?

I don't know.

♪♪

Whoa!

Give me The Boy!

Tina, cover!

Huh...

Oh, for...

Oh, that's so bad!

Tina!

Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God!

No. No!

What about Tina?

She's not after her!
She's after us!

Oh, uh, this way!

We need to find
another way.

No, Arnold,
just trust us.

Stand back!

Arnold?

Arnold!

Well, hello there.

Who're you?

- No!
- Come on, let's go!

Wouldn't you like to know?

Toros!

Priest! Status!

Things...
got a little zany.

Goddammit, baby.

I miss Blackwing.

It's gonna be okay, Dirk.

It most
certainly is not.

We'll... We'll
figure it out.

We... we have
to get out of here.

We'll regroup.
We'll...

There's nowhere to go.

And The Boy is dead.

So there's no regrouping.

Let's go!

Now!

Whose car is this?

They won't miss it.

♪♪

I can't believe
that finally worked.

What did you see?

People I know.

People I don't know.

I saw Dirk,
I saw my brother's guitar.

I saw, um...

Could you
see this stuff?

No.

I can't see into
your realm on my own.

I made a friend.

I use her eyes.

What else did you see?

I saw something
bad coming.

There was an army.

Like those box-head...
the Kellum knight guys.

And there was
thousands of them,

and they were coming here.

So what happens
when this army gets here?

If the army is
as close as you've seen,

that is very bad indeed.

Evil will win.

Everyone will die.

Uh, you're not talking anymore.

Don't you understand?

They left us food

because they know
they might not be back.

They are facing grave peril.

You have to let me
out of here.

We can take my weapons

and disguise ourselves
in garb of this world.

- I told you that we can't...
- No! You have to let me out.

If The Mage is here,
it changes everything.

I have to go
back to Wendimoor.

If my family's fate is to die,

then I shall die
fighting as hard as I can

by their sides.

Wait.
You know how to get back?

You known
this whole time?

Yes.

Then why didn't you tell Dirk?

Because he didn't
have The Boy.

I didn't know who to trust.

And now I can see

you're the only person
who can help me.

Yeah, but if your cell
don't unlock,

that means the universe
don't want you to get out,

- so I can't...
- Forget fate! Forget the universe!

Forget magic and mystery
and prophecies and all of it!

You said you wanted control!

You can retrieve
my scissor sword

and break this lock.

Yeah, but...

I'm not supposed to...

I am fighting
for a happily-ever-after.

Do you want to help me
save the people I love?

Do you want to come with me
to Wendimoor?

Or would you rather stay here
and let fate play out for you?

What is it that you want?

♪♪

Dirk, I know that was bad,
but are you gonna be okay?

Come on, Dirk.
We need you, okay?

Um, I-I've never seen him
like...

I know.

Well, where we going?

Out of Bergsberg.

Screw this.
Everything's imploding.

Go to the Cardenas house.

I'm going
to get my sister.

You don't know where she is.

Amanda's in Wendimoor!
I saw her!

Todd, you had
a hallucination, okay?

You don't know
that that was real.

It's the only place left!

What's shaking?

Yeah, why are you
so twisted up?

I think something...
really bad is coming.

The visions are weird.

But I need you to see

if it's, like, literal,
or a metaphor.

I need you to go south.

Use your magic smell thing

to see if
there's a giant army coming.

Look, I know this world is
weird and dangerous,

and there's no telling
what you might run into...

Stop.

It's done.

This is
gonna be fun.

Let's go, boys.

Dirk! With me!

Dirk. Come on.
Get up.

Fine. Guess it's just
you and me, Farah.

Wendimoor,
here we come.

Oh, that can't
be good.

I'm out
of ammunition.

Get Dirk inside.

What...
What about you?

Farah!

Dirk, stand up!

We don't have The Boy.

We failed the case.

There's nowhere to go.
It's all pointless, isn't it?

Maybe I'm The Boy.
Right?

Come on.
At least we gotta try.

Okay, Panto arrived
on this bed,

so it must somehow
turn into a portal.

Could really
use your help here.

This is kind of
your specialty...

finding strange handles

and switches
that do weird stuff.

Right, so,
Panto described it

almost like
he fell onto the bed, so...

Oh! Yes!

Of course!
I have to fall onto the bed!

Farah Black!

It's so lovely to make
your acquaintance.

Sorry to hear
about your father.

I'm with an agency
called Blackwing...

I know who you are.

Good. Then you know

there's no reason
for any kind of fisticuffs

with all that fancy training
that your file bored me with.

Oh, I think there's a need
for violence here, actually.

Oh.

Blow my mind.

Maybe next time.

Maybe the portal
is actually the ceiling!

Svlad Celli...

it's time to come home!

A lot of people died
today because of you.

Who the hell is that?

That's Priest.

Farah's dead.

I'm sorry, Todd,
but now you're dead too.

There's no way.

Farah can take
anybody out.

She's probably
planning

a sneak attack
or something.

We just need to portal
to Wendimoor, save Amanda,

figure out all
"The Boy" stuff,

and come right back,
and everything's gonna be fine!

Wait. Um...
I-I-If... If-if-if...

If the portal to Wendimoor
is in here somewhere,

then wouldn't it make sense
for it to literally

be through the mural?

Poor confused,
dangerous little Svlad Celli...

"Dirk Gently."
Project Icarus.

Always in trouble.

Come back to Blackwing

before anyone else
dies because of you.

I deserve to go back.

The water stain.

Remember?

It's right where the bed closes.

Wait.
You were wet in the trunk,

and Panto arrived all wet too.

Oh, my God, wait.

Panto said that
he fell onto a bed,

but when he stood up,
it was gone.

The force of him traveling
between the two worlds

opened and closed the bed
when he got up!

The bed has
to be closed!

Oh, no,
the door is closed.

However will I get inside?

Oh, no...

Mr. Priest? Report.

I'm gonna need a lockdown team.

Ever since I can remember,

I've always
just wanted to hurt people.

It's honestly

the most interesting way
to spend your time.

I used to think, I was
the most powerful person

in my stupid little world.

Turns out, I'm nothing.

Even my first little plan...

just basic cruelty, really...

take weapons from your world,
give them to people in mine,

and sit back
and watch the violence.

Classic sort of fun.

But I was thinking small,
wasn't I?

There's a whole world out there.

Your world.

Maybe it's time
I left Wendimoor behind me.

There's plenty of people
in your world to torture.

Maybe Wendimoor doesn't matter.

Why should it?

Maybe it's time
I closed those doors

once and for all.

Of course, that still leaves
your deranged wife to deal with.

Dirk Gently is defeated.

The Boy is dead.

Send me to Wendimoor.

♪♪
Sync corrections by srjanapala

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