Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 5 - Shapes and Colors - full transcript

Previously on

"Dirk Gently's Holistic
Detective Agency"...

A uniform is something to be earned.

The Cardenases had a child,

and that child could have been the boy.

- What is this?
- Home.

Yeah, they vanished.

We're somewhere else.

Get off of me, asshole!

My name is Farson Dengdamor.

I'm not a witchakookoo.
I am a frickin' person!



Don't get that close to Project Incubus

without stunning them,

especially if you're gonna
starve them out.

You said you'd get me tickets
to Sound of Nothing!

And by Sound of Nothing, you mean...

It's a music festival.

That once the great dark wizard

found his apprentice,

no one in Wendimoor could defeat him.

I need you to kill Dirk Gently.

Once upon a time,

a boat in a field,

a married couple gone missing,

a gun that shoots air...



and then there's a hidden house,

a prophecy from another world.

Surely these pieces don't fit.

Left unwatered, a plant will die.

Left unloved, a good child could go bad.

Left untended,

a dream...

could become a nightmare.

Gripps?

Cross?

You boys still exist?

No.

I stopped existing

a long time ago.

It made my legs sore.

How long we been in here, man?

7,776,000 seconds.

How many days is that?

How many seconds in a day?

Not gonna lie to you, boys.

This sucks.

- Martin?
- Yeah?

How long can we go without energy, man?

Keep your eyes open.

Suzie Boreton hasn't been
this hard to get a hold of

by accident.

Yeah, okay.

You know, Suzie Boreton's always been

a little bit of an odd duck.

Do you really think she's part of this?

I mean, do you think
she's, like, um, dangerous?

I just don't know that
she's not dangerous.

Her old boss is still missing,

plus the four women from the book club.

We don't have enough
to arrest her, but...

What are you doing?

I almost, uh...

forgot the dang thing.

There. There it is.

I can't let this go on any longer,

not... not if we're
questioning a suspect.

What are you doing?

Farah Adrienne Black,

in accordance with Montana state law

via posse comitatus code OCGA 17-4-24,

I hereby deputize you into the service

of the Bergsberg County
Sheriff's Department.

Is this for real?

Yeah.

Any able-bodied person is
subject to deputization

by the...

by, uh, the local...

Are you... Are you okay?

Yeah, I just...

I've wanted to work in law enforcement

my entire life, and...

there it is.

Yeah, well.

You know, I feel like
you're more of a cop

than I've ever been, and...

you know, you deserve it.

Oh.

Thanks, Sherlock.

My pleasure, Deputy Black.

Okay.

Well, then, yesterday, I spent
the majority of the day out,

so I wasn't here when you came by.

I didn't say we came by, Suzie.

What's your name again?

Farah Black.

How did you know we were here?

Well, Sarah, I'm clearly confused.

- Farah.
- Hmm?

So, where's Bob?

Poor goof has been sick for a week,

dosed up to his eyebrows
on flu medication.

Plus he bumped his dang head somehow.

Don't know how it happened.

You know, there was some damage

to the outside of the house, too.

I was actually thinking
of calling you, Sheriff.

Oh, yeah?

So you didn't make it
to this week's book club?

Book club? Nope.

I haven't been for ages.

They actually stopped inviting me

- after the accident.
- Oh.

Just the way people are
these days, I suppose.

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose they are.

Where's the dog?

What?

The dog. Bob's dog, Agrajag.

Where is it?

Oh, gosh, you found me out!

I knew you were gonna ask!

Jeez, is everything, uh...

Yeah, I just...

Scott killed him.

Ran him over with his dang car.

I don't think it was an accident,

and I don't know what to do.

You know, Bob's out of commission,

so I've just been
dealing with this all by myself,

and Scott has been acting so strange

the past couple days,

talking about all this weird stuff,

people from another world,

some sort of fairy tale.

I don't know what to do.

I think he's having some kind
of psychiatric breakdown.

We need to talk to Scott.

You do. Somebody has to,

because I don't want
to be one of those parents

who's left wishing they spoke up

when their child goes
and does something terrible.

Where can we find him?

He's not answering his phone,

but, um...

I know where he'll be tonight.

Him and his little friends
are going to some music thing,

they wanted to see someone...

Applesauce? Billy Applesauce?

We could go there, try to have a word,

but, man, it is big. It's crowded.

Well, if Scott's there,
and he's connected,

Dirk will find him.

Why are we getting breakfast?

Shouldn't we be investigating something?

I mean, I love breakfast, big fan, but...

This is how it works.

We go where Dirk takes us.

Okay, back to business.

Did you just change?

No, Todd, it's still me.

Though my clothes are different.

I traded these for the ones
I got in evidence lock-up.

You traded police property?

Check out my jacket!

They were vintage. Smart, right?

Genius! Why didn't I think of that?

Because it's literally a crime.

Listen, from here on in,

I want to do things by the book.

- What book?
- The boring book

of mundane deduction
you and I are coauthoring

about being normal detectives, Todd.

Panto Trost said he recognized the mural

but couldn't tell us anything about it

or how he got here.

Wendimoor, if it exists,

is still, for the most part,
out of our reach,

and so we start with the facts,

and the facts are the Cardenas family.

Tina, take out the file.

I want to look at evidence
and draw conclusions,

not rely on insane coincidences

to shuffle me from
catastrophe to catastrophe.

I'm doing something different.

I'm breaking the mold.

At this point in most of my cases,

there's this tremendous amount
of weird things

all swirling around, and then, well...

people start dying.

Lots of lovely people very dead,

as I continue to blunder
aimlessly about saying,

as Todd would have it,
"stupid flighty bullshit."

I would say that.
I do say things like that.

Yes, but not this time.

Okay, I'm liking this attitude.

You inspired it.

We've got to get ahead of the game.

We can't just keep expecting somebody

to just walk up and say...

Excuse me.

- Yes?
- I'm sorry.

Where did you get those pictures?

Um, this is police business...

We were there.

We went in this house.
we found those bodies.

I knew this day would come.

These are my parents.

This house is where I was born.

You're telling me you went in there?

The fences came down?

Yes, but...

I've been avoiding this moment
for 50 years.

It's destiny you came here today.

Shit.

Where are you from, Bart?

What was life like for you before?

I, uh...

I used to be a lot shorter.

When you were a child?

Oh...

Hey, why are you in such a good mood now?

Before, you were all
doomy-gloomy "gimme a sandwich."

What changed?

I'm trying to keep perspective
on my circumstances.

It's a matter of time, you see.

The Forest Witch said
I'd find Dirk Gently,

and I've found him.

He's discovered an image of my world,

so perhaps the rest
will fall into place soon,

perhaps not.

You're not scared?

Scared? Of course not.

I'm fearless.

My sister always says
it's my worst quality.

You're... not even scared of me?

Where I'm from,

I've seen monsters from the forest,

evil knights, a deranged wizard.

Why would I be scared
of a beautiful woman?

Farson, how far are we?

We're close. Soon now we'll be safe.

Soon better be real soon, dude.

My friend is hurt,

and those guys are still after us.

Do not worry, Amanda.

Once we reach the village
of the Bofuki Nepoo,

Wakti Wapnasi will explain everything.

She can protect us.

Where are we, boss?

I don't know, Vogel.

Who were those guys
in the cuckoo costumes?

I told you, I don't know.

Hey, boss, who's Wakti Wapnasi?

I don't know. Okay?

I don't know anything
that's going on, all right?

I don't know where we are,

I don't know why this is happening,

I don't know how I did
the thing with the lightning.

You know, my life
was really weird before,

but this is just next level,

so please do not ask me
any more questions,

because I don't have any answers!

Vogel, I'm sorry.

I just...

Farson?

Hello?

Aah! Oof!

That he could be the boy
you're looking for?

Farah said some of the height notches

in the house were marked A.C.,

and that's him, Arnold Cardenas.

Look! I ran his plates like a real cop.

He's been Arnold Freedman since '75.

No wonder we couldn't find him.

I totally thought you
were playing a game.

- What?
- Look at him. He looks miserable.

We shouldn't have brought him here.

We should've waited, we should've just...

If we didn't come with,
he would've come without us.

He wouldn't have come at all

if I hadn't been there stupidly
waving those photos around.

You insisted we go out for breakfast.

I didn't know it was going to be a clue!

I can't control this at all!

It's just like everything I do is just...

Dirk, slow down, man. Be cool.

I don't want this situation
to get abruptly monster-y,

or scissor-y, or any of the other things

situations have been getting lately.

I want this to be a relaxing stroll

down memory lane

that conveniently tells us
everything we need to know,

resolves all loose threads,

and makes us all feel great
about our choices

in the most boring,
uneventful way possible.

And he's going into the house.

Dirk, do you think there's a chance

No, wait, Todd!

Argh!

How did this happen?

Who tore down the wallpaper?

We did.

It was an accident.

My father put the wallpaper up

to cover this as punishment.

Do you know what this is?

Of course.

Wendimoor.

This is the Valley of Inglenook.

And there,

there's the pink-haired ones,

the Trosts.

They were the farmers.

And the Dengdamors, they were, ooh...

the rich folk.

And then, in the woods,
all kinds of monsters.

The rainbow monsters, the furry monsters,

and then the old snail witch.

And look, there's The Mage.

He was the villain.

You see how he always loses?

The hero defeats him,

and he locks him in a train in the sky

that goes round
and round forever and ever.

This was the plan
for how it was going to be.

Until it all fell apart.

Where is my mother?

And papi?

It's like water, you know?

You let yourself sink in,

you kind of float along,

and it shows you what to do.

The universe shows you what to do?

Where were you born?

Who are your parents?

Oh, I don't know, I don't remember.

They... They died.

My childhood was kinder than yours.

I studied the sword,

but between that, there was singing...

dancing.

Yeah, no dancing for me.

I was alone for a long time,

and then these guys,
they put me in this place,

and they tried to get me to do stuff.

They don't get how I work.

You know, and those jerks,

those are the same stupids
that took my friend, Ken.

So I figure, I am just gonna sit here,

and I ain't killing anybody.

I'm sorry your life
has been hard, Bartine.

If this world has treated you badly,

perhaps it's time to leave it.

You mean like, you'd...

let me come to Wendimoor?

Not my choice to make.

But if the time comes,

perhaps it can be yours.

We need to question Scott Boreton.

It's... It's a lot of moving pieces,

and I-I'm getting overwhelmed.

I mean, we can agree

that the Cardenas house is
at the center of this, right?

It's the key.

So why... why... why...

why can't we just focus
on one weird thing at a time?

Because everything is connected.

Because everything
is connected, right, right.

Let's focus on Suzie Boreton.

Okay, Suzie said

Scott was talking about
people from a fairy tale.

That's Wendimoor.

That connects the Boretons
to the Cardenas house.

So, what do we say?

W-We say, "Sorry, Scott,
your mom is suspected of..."

What?

"Attacking a psycho with shapes?

Turning people into dust?"

If we can bring in Scott
on suspicion of animal cruelty,

Scott's a minor.

Legally, she'd have to come in.

Sound of Nothing

is Southern Montana's
third-largest music festival.

You know, finding Scott there

will be like finding
a needle in a haystack.

Oh, we just have to get Dirk there.

He collects needles in haystacks.

He does, doesn't he?

- Mm-hmm.
- Ms. Black, I think you're...

You're ringing there.

I thought I was the one
who was supposed to call you.

You have to come in. Now.

Eddie, I told you,
this is not up for discussion...

You were right, Farah.

Blackwing is active.

I've got sources telling me

they've activated assets in Montana.

Eddie...

Okay, I need details...

You've been playing cops and robbers

with freaks and crazy people too long.

This isn't what Dad would've wanted.

Farah? Farah!

Hello?

Are you a thing?

"Are you... a... thing?"

What a wonderful question.

Oh, I wonder what the answer is.

Are you a person in there?

First perhaps a thing,

now possibly a person.

Aw...

Where's my friend? His name is Vogel.

Don't worry, he's fine.

Okay.

Oh, how quickly things
have been changing for you,

Amanda Brotzman.

Is this like...

Is it gonna keep going like this?

Tell me more about how it's going.

You know, I tried
to roll with the punches,

I did, but now...

this!

It's ridiculous.

I brought you here for a reason, Amanda.

You're the voice.

You're the voice
that I hear in my visions.

Surprise!

Am I dreaming?

Perhaps I could say something
to comfort you.

There's nothing you could possibly say

that would do that.

Not even...

"everything is connected"?

You people have no idea
what you're dealing with!

I should never have gone back!

The '67 was my fault!

It was an electromagnetic pulse.

How could that be your fault?

Also, you would have been, like, 12.

I wish that boat
had never fallen from the sky!

Boat?

Like The Infant, Male, Pollock, Francis?

Wait, how have I not heard
about this until now?

A boat fell from the sky,
and with a name like that?

We're trying to help.

Strange things have been
happening in this town,

and we think they might be related

- to your parents' deaths.
- It's impossible.

Now, why do you say that?

Because everything strange stopped.

All the strange stuff is over!

I saw to that! I ended it!

Ended it? How?

I'm sorry, Mr. Cardenas,

but whatever happened
in that house isn't over.

Breathe.

Start simple.

How did the government get involved?

There were sightings.

Things from the dreams.

At first, the things
from the dreams were nice,

they were gifts for our family,

but then they got dangerous.

The air gun,

and people saw the monster
from the song flying around.

They thought it was an alien.

The monster from the song,

Th-The Flying Purple People Eater

from the house within a house.

That was another of the gifts, wasn't it?

But... But something ruined it.

Something with... with
overturned flowers,

something with scissors, perhaps?

You lie!

You know what I did! You know what I did!

I didn't have a choice!

I didn't have a choice!

I got it. Okay. I'll put him in

the storage locker to cool off.
I got it. I got it.

Put him in the storage locker
to cool off.

- You okay?
- No! Is everyone I attempt to help

going to try to kill me, Todd?

He clearly went through
a traumatic experience.

I know.

He wants to talk,

otherwise he wouldn't have come in.

We'll let him sober up, and then...

Stay away from me.

Hobbs? Hobbs!

This was supposed to be a toy.

Hobbs, what the hell...

It's not yours.

That thing they brought home
from the boat wasn't human!

It wasn't human!

I did what I had to!

Uh...

Whoa!

You...

No, you're...

you're one of them.

That's not possible.

You... You can't...

You can't exist!

That's not possib...

- Mr. Cardenas!
- Arnold?

Oh, my God!

What's wrong? What's happening to him?

He's having a heart attack.

I got the gun!

I did nothing.

So you know how my visions work?

Mm-hmm.

Are you the one that causes them?

No, no, no.

You see through your inner eye.

My inner eye?

Seriously?

Come on...

Answer a question...

who are you?

Amanda Brotzman?

That is just a noise
people can make to refer to you.

You're not your name.

Who are you?

I'm... from Oregon?

I, uh...

When I was 20, I-I had...

These are just things
that happened to your body.

Who are you?

Um, when I think,

I hear a voice in my head?

I am the brain having those thoughts?

If you're the one
hearing the voice in your head,

then who are you?

I... am the consciousness

that controls the body of,

sees through the eyes of,

and hears the thoughts
of Amanda Brotzman.

That thing,

your consciousness, is very special.

The visions that I see,

they aren't me.

They're just something
the Rowdy 3 do to me.

They give you access to something deeper.

Underneath your pain,
your fear, even your thoughts,

there is a power.

In a place like this,

a person like you is very special.

With training,

you can learn to see
everything, go anywhere.

That is the gift hidden within you.

I'm just a person.

I'm just a sick person.

Mm...

You recognize this, don't you?

It looks like my visions.

And perhaps, as a simple, sick person,

you would like to know a little bit more?

Hmm?

Nice-looking boy.

Leave Scott out of this.

If you wanted to protect him,

perhaps you shouldn't have
used him as bait.

You want me to get Dirk Gently,

and I'm going to do that, okay?

But there are going to be
a lot of people at that concert.

What if somebody gets hurt?

There must be a spell or something,

some sort of peaceful way to deal with...

Aah!

This is your test, Suzanne.

Dirk Gently is the only thing

that stands between me

and finally understanding
the truth of the world

that I...

we will soon control.

Abandon the rules of this world, Suzanne.

They've never helped you be happy.

It's time you showed the world
your real power.

I better follow them,

make sure he gets
checked into the hospital

in Somerset.

Plus, someone's going to need
to swing by with the tow truck

to pick up Arnold's car
from the Cardenas place, so...

Oh, Hobbs, I-I didn't...

what about finding Scott
at Sound of Nothing?

You know, then it would
just be me and everyone,

and I don't think that I can do that...

T, T, T, you're gonna be fine, all right?

I'll be back in a jiff.

Farah...

I am so sorry I messed this up.

I cannot believe I took him to evidence.

I just put the dang pop gun
in there this morning.

You do know you're apologizing to someone

wanted by the FBI,

right?

Just...

Just keep everyone safe tonight?

Okay?

Come here.

Yep, you're gonna be fine.

Okay.

You want us to go to a music festival?

Shouldn't we just go to the hospital,

or go back to the Cardenas house?

There must have been
something we missed there.

Or the boat, the boat in the field.

Scott Boreton.

Arrows point to him

as potentially having
concrete information.

Plus, less serious, less, like, stress,

and we just, like, hang out.

I agree.

I like this. Yes. Very Farah.

Logic. Deduction.

Tracking down a suspect,

not just, "Duh! Pip cheerio,

fabric of the universe,
everything connect-o, duh!"

Are you doing a sarcastic
impression of yourself?

What I am saying is,

we followed the holistic road
today already, Todd,

and it ended up with a man dead.

He's not dead. They said he had
a minor heart attack.

He's very muchly more dead

than he was when he woke up this morning.

He's, like, five-out-of-eight dead-ish.

Are you giving up on him?

I thought you thought he was the boy?

I thought I thought
he could have been a the boy,

but certainly not the the boy,

considering he was an old man,
did you not notice?

Maybe Scott Boreton's the boy.

Maybe Scott Boreton is the boy.

We need to find where Wendimoor is.

Don't you think that...

Farah, are you seriously going along

with this whole Scott thing?

It's our only real lead.

Fine.

But I'm not going to a concert
dressed like a cop.

Yeah!

Oh, that was weird, that hurt.

What did you see?

I thought I saw one of my friends.

Why can't you just bring them through,

like you did with me?

My reach is very limited.

Your talent is greater.

You have an important role to play

in things to come...

if you survive.

If I survive?

I thought you could see the future.

Fate and chance
are not mutually exclusive,

and alongside them exists free will.

This is only your first step

to something much greater,

in this world

and beyond.

Oh! Aah!

Whoa! Get your mitts off me,
you doofy-faced creepazoids!

Relax...

You're among friends, Sir Vogel.

These are the Bofuki Nepoo.

Where is Amanda?

She's in with the Wood Witch,

trying to find your friends.

Somethin' bad's coming.

Hey.

You know, that wasn't your fault.

What if he was the boy?

What if he was the only person
who could save my world?

Can you speak to the universe,
ask it why it's doing this?

It don't work like that.

Hey...

What are you doing?

You said when you was little
you did the dancing, right?

Was it like, uh...

Like this?

♪ I think it's time to go

Whoo! Woop!

No, not like that.

What's up? Are you nervous?

I mean, more nervous than usual?

I've just got a lot on my mind.

I talked to my brother.

What, seriously?

He thinks Blackwing might be onto us.

They might be in Montana.

Okay, don't tell Dirk.
He's already on edge.

It'll just freak him out even more.

You're not worried?

It feels like we're close to Wendimoor.

That's what we have to focus on, right?

Hey, at least we look cool.

Yeah.

What? For 1986, we look very cool.

Can I tell you a secret?

I have never been to a concert before.

Is that a secret?

Shut up.

There are a lot of people in there.

They just put this right on my head

without even asking.

Nice hat.

Guys... Come on, come on, come on.

I have an idea.
We split up, I use my thing...

Your badge? Right.

Todd and I go on stage, and check
out the crowd from the front.

You and Dirk use his thing...

His innate connection
to the fabric of reality.

Right, and you take it from the back.

Are you sure it's necessary
to go on stage?

Yes, very necessary,
definitely necessary,

and probably vital to the investigation.

Um... yeah.

Dirk, are... are you
feeling anything yet?

Not how it works.

Come on, Farah, you should
know that by now.

Dirk, we're just...

We need to find Scott Boreton.

So... focus!

Focus? There are teens sweating on me,

real teens!

This... This music sounds like

robots being tortured by monkeys!

I am never going to find
Scott Boreton in this mayhem!

Sound of Nothing, my name is
Scott Boreton...

Hey, watch it, man,
I'm trying to take a video!

Oh, this is just stupid now.

Nice work, Dirk.

I'll take that. Scott Boreton.

What?

Bergsberg County Police Department.

We'd like to have a word with you.

Uh, o-okay, I-I don't know anything about

that weird guy who got hit by the car.

Okay, let's just have a word outside.

- Don't touch me!
- Okay! Hey! Get back here!

- You...
- Hey...

Farah?

Grab your weapons! Grab your weapons!

What is that?

The Kellum Knights. Men of The Mage.

You could defeat them, Amanda.

I don't know how to have

one of those magical
seizure things again.

I can't fight them.

Then reach across reality,
find someone who can.

Agh!

Have you seen Scott yet?

Uh, no, not yet.

Turn around.

Look! They found him.

Get out of the way!

Scott! Stop!

Wait! That's Suzie Boreton.

She looks different.

Farah?

Shit, looks like she's headed for Dirk.

Is that the wand thing?

She's magic!

She's the dangerous one, not Scott! Dirk!

Dirk! Dirk!

Dirk!

Dirk!

Farah!

Idiots! Back off!

Here is the man you've been waiting for,

DJ Applesauce!

Yeah!

I need a calm spell!
I need to place a peace spell!

Wenefria! No!

My hands feel amazing. Aah!

No! No! No!

Isn't it crazy?

It's totally perfect.

No! No!

No...

The lights look like heaven!

- Dirk!
- Todd!

Dirk, you need to know,
you changed my life.

You showed me everything
I'd been doing wrong!

I didn't believe in anything,

and my life felt so small,

and I treated other people
like they were small, too.

That's bad! That's... lame!

That's over!

We went back in time, man!

Remember?

I believe Wendimoor is real!

We're gonna find the boy and find Amanda,

and we're gonna be best friends forever!

Todd, you saying this to me

is the single most important thing

that has ever happened in my entire life.

You are the first person I've ever met

who actually wanted me around!

- I didn't at first.
- Not at first.

- But I caught on, I evolved!
- Yes! Yes!

But, listen, Todd, I think
something's been done to us,

possibly supernatural,

and it is...

great!

Todd! Hi! Hey, Dirk!

- Farah!
- Hey!

Oh... My dad died!

What? A-Are you...

I-I-I'm okay! I mean, he...
he was sick for years,

and he hated me!

Yeah!

I don't know, he just...

he always made me feel

like I was such
a disappointment, you know?

Like I was never good enough,

but I know that
that's bullshit now, you know?

That's not real!

And... Oh, Todd, remember that time

we were making out behind that restaurant

in Nevada, like, three weeks ago, and...

You guys made out?

It's been two months, Dirk. We're adults.

- Dirk, we're adults!
- Yeah.

I-I-I just wanted you to know that

that was the moment that I knew,

I knew I didn't need Eddie or anyone,

because...

I'm not like them.

This is where I'm supposed to be!

I mean, I'm... I'm one of the freaks!

Yes! Yes!

I love yelling "Yes!"

I want to everybody here!

Don't give up.

I found them.

I can't!

Help me!

♪ Alive

♪ Alive

♪ Alive

Yo.

Aw, yeah!

♪ Alive

♪ Alive

I don't understand.

Who made this?

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

This is all a mistake.

Tina...

I've been trying to reach you all night,

and I know you charged
your phone this time.

I saw you plug it in.

So, listen, I'd like to set up
some sort of meet up,

because, um...

Wait...

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What in the heck?

I'll call you back.

The hell?

Uh...

Bob?

Where's the truck, Bob?

What's happening here?

Poor Sheriff Hobbs...

I'm afraid you've caught me
at a very bad time.

Aah!