Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 3 - Mother's Last Visit - full transcript
Mr. Drummond's mother arrives for an unscheduled visit and has an adverse reaction to her son's new family situation.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter that you got
♪ Not a lot, so what?
♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes
♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Good morning,
Arnold, rise and shine.
Better not let Willis hear
you say the word "shine".
Back in Harlem,
that's fighting talk.
After he beats me up, I'll
get you to explain it to me.
Why are you still
in bed, Arnold?
I'm studying.
Superman is studying?
I'm too young for Wonder Woman.
You're also too young
to skip breakfast.
Is something the matter
with the food around here?
Yeah, there's too much
of it, and not enough of me.
Mrs. Garrett's
feeding me too much.
You want to grow
up, don't you, Arnold?
Yeah. Up, not out.
All right. Have you discussed
this with Mrs. Garrett?
I can't. Every time I open my
mouth, she shoves food in it.
I guess she must think
you're an awful lot bigger
on the inside than you
look to be on the outside.
Yeah, I'm afraid if I said anything
to her, she wouldn't like me no more.
Oh, not true.
She'd respect your honesty.
Besides, it's not a good idea to
keep problems bottled up inside of you.
If something's
bothering you, speak up.
You mean, let it all hang out.
Right! Except this, pudgy.
You're not an Eskimo, Willis,
stop harpooning your pancakes.
You got to if you want any
food when she's at the table.
That was my pancake.
What do I have to do around
here, monogram my food?
Just leave some, that's all.
All right, Willis. It's not polite to talk
with somebody else's food in your mouth.
Here we are.
Good morning, Mrs. Garrett.
Oh, good morning, my dear.
Well, if it isn't
Sleeping Beauty.
You mean Sleeping Ugly.
I owe you an insult.
Mrs. Garrett, Arnold has something
that he wants to get off his chest.
What chest?
That's just a pimple on
the front of his backbone.
What do you mean, "Pimple"? What
do you mean, "Pimple"? Is that a chest?
(IMITATING TARZAN)
Gentlemen, gentlemen, could we
please have a permanent five-minute truce?
Thank you. Arnold, go ahead.
Well, Mrs. Garrett, you're
feeding me too much food.
A growing boy has to eat.
Yeah, but you're trying to
feed every growing boy in town
through my little mouth.
Little?
If your mouth was any bigger,
you could swallow yourself.
Well, look who's talking.
The kid who stuffs pancakes in
his mouth without folding them.
You tell him, metal mouth!
Metal what? I
ain't said nothing...
A truce! A truce!
Cool it, cool it!
Okay, Arnold, no big deal.
I'll cut down on your portions.
Right on.
All right.
Now, wasn't that easy, Arnold?
All you had to do was speak your
mind and your problem was solved.
See? With discussion
comes understanding.
Now, in this household, I want
everybody to say what's on their mind.
Well, Daddy, in that case...
Willis, I wish you'd do
something about that bathroom.
Like what?
Like not leaving the seat up.
Oh, that ain't
me, that's Arnold.
It is not. I stand on the seat.
And if you sat
on it, you'd fall in.
What do you mean, "Fall in"?
(PHONE RINGS)
All right, all right
children, that's enough.
Excuse me. Quiet.
Hello. Who?
Mother?
Oh, Mother, what a
wonderful surprise.
Where are you? Paris?
Rome? At the airport?
You mean, here, in New York?
Marvelous. Well, I'll
send the limousine for you.
Goodbye, Mother.
Oh, boy. The last of the
73-year-old jet setters is in town.
Grandma's here. Oh,
Daddy, that's terrific.
Yeah, terrific, and she's
only staying one night.
Oh, I didn't mean that
the way it sounded.
She... Actually, she's
a wonderful mother.
You guys are just
gonna love my grandma.
She brings the neatest presents.
I don't know her but
I'm beginning to like her.
I don't like taking
presents from strangers.
Of course, I'm
easy to get to know.
I'm afraid she's rather fussy.
You know, she
brings her own dust
just so she'll have
something to complain about.
Oh, she won't find anything to
complain about in this house.
I have vacuumed those
poor rugs so many times,
they roll up when
they see me coming.
Kimberly, why don't you go upstairs
and straighten up your room for Grandma?
Okay, Daddy. You, too, boys.
When you're finished,
don't forget to wash up.
Okay.
You know something, Arnold, I
think Mr. Drummond's a clean freak.
Yeah, with all the washing I'm
doing, it's a good thing I'm pre-shrunk.
Hey, listen.
No water fight in the
bathroom, you guys.
WILLIS: Okay, Mrs. Garrett.
ARNOLD: Yeah, Mrs. Garrett.
All right.
I hope Mother's in a good mood.
There are two things that I've
neglected to tell her about the boys.
What two things?
One, that they're here,
and two, that they're black.
You think that'll upset her?
Well, on a scale of one to 10, I would
think her reaction will be about 14.
I'd better send
for the limousine.
Mother gets very impatient
if she's kept waiting.
I was born three days late,
she didn't speak to me for a year.
Mrs. Garrett, is everything
ready for my mother's arrival?
Yes, sir.
What about tabletops? I don't want
Mother to find one single fingerprint.
The only fingerprints
I haven't rubbed out
are the ones on the
ends of my fingers.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I'll get it.
Mother.
Junior.
It's so good to see you.
Mother, you look
marvelous. How was Europe?
Well, the food was tasteless,
the service non-existent,
and the place is
full of foreigners.
Mother, it is their country.
Yes, but they're
so obvious about it.
PHILIP: Oh, look who's here.
Grandma!
Kimberly, my darling.
You look super, Grandma.
Oh, yes, I do.
And you've grown into the
prettiest young lady in New York
wearing the ugliest dress.
Wherever did you find it?
You gave it to me, Grandma.
Oh, yes, last year.
How can you let her go around
looking like last year's teenager?
There are some new things for
you in that brown bag, Kimberly.
Oh, wow. Thanks,
Grandma. You're a doll.
Mother, the way you spoil her, I'm going
to have to keep her in the refrigerator.
I do hope you got me the right size. I've
grown where nobody's expected me to.
Oh, such an adorable child. She
takes after my side of the family.
It's so good to see you, Mother.
Let's both sit down.
All right.
There's something
I want to tell you.
Oh? Yes.
There has been quite
a big change in my life.
(EXCLAIMS)
I have two sons now.
Two sons?
You... You got married
and didn't invite me?
No. No. I'm not married.
Oh, you little devil, you!
You mean it's one of those
modern arrangements?
No, no. Not that, either.
Oh?
You see, my two boys are...
Yes?
Well, they're...
Maybe you better just see them for
yourself, and make up your own mind.
Arnold. Willis.
You're just gonna
love them, Mother.
They're bright,
delightful, full of fun.
They're a wonderful
addition to our family.
Mother, these are my
two boys, Willis and Arnold.
What a pleasant surprise.
Now, that's what
I call a surprise.
Is Grandma okay,
Daddy? What's the matter?
She just fainted, dear.
Can you hear me, Mother?
Stand back,
everybody. Give her air.
You ain't giving her air,
you're giving her pneumonia.
She's moving.
Shove that stuff up my
nose and I'd move, too.
Here's the brandy.
Thanks. She doesn't need it now.
Are you all right now, Grandma?
I think I'd better
call the doctor.
Oh, no, don't. Doctors make
people ill. Well, help me up, Junior.
Kimberly, will you ask Mrs.
Garrett to bring in some coffee?
Sure, Daddy.
Oh, dear. I...
I think it must have been the
reaction delayed from the trip.
Now, I feel a little dizzy.
Maybe your girdle's too tight.
They're... They're such
interesting children.
Wherever did you find them?
They're the sons of someone
who was very close to me.
Oh, well, I understand,
in the business world these days,
there are many affluent ethnics.
Oh, we're not
ethnics, we're Baptists.
Our daddy was with
the United Nations.
Oh, that's marvelous.
A member of the
diplomatic corps?
No, a member of
the janitor corps.
Mother, their mother was my
late housekeeper, Mrs. Jackson.
You remember her.
I... I think I'm
going to faint again.
Oh... No, excuse me. I
think it must be the jet lag.
Yeah. The jet lag.
Come on, Arnold.
Hang in there, Grandma.
Here's some coffee.
Your servants enter without
being summoned? Where's the bell?
It fell off her neck.
We're very informal here, Mother.
This is my housekeeper, Mrs. Garrett.
How do you do?
Mrs. Garrett, have
you polished the silver?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Once a week I look in it
and give it the reflection test.
The reflection test?
Yes. If I start to look too
good, I know it's tarnished.
Well, I don't drink
coffee, Mrs. Garrett.
Oh.
I'll make you some tea.
She's a wonderful human being.
Grandma, this dress is just
perfect! How does it look?
Oh, divine.
You look lovely, Kimberly.
Thank you, Daddy.
Grandma, did you notice
that I'm wearing a B-R-A?
Well, we'll talk about
your spelling later, dear.
Right now, I have something very
important to discuss with your father.
Okay, Grandma. And thanks
again. This dress is the end.
It's gonna make all my
girlfriends just hate me.
Junior, now about the boys...
Yes, yes, aren't they
terrific? Yes, I know.
Mother, I want to take you
to the Chez Antoine tonight.
Oh, well, that's just fine.
It's a terrific new restaurant.
But about the boys... Since
you have to leave tomorrow,
what better way for
you to get to know them?
Yeah, but, Junior...
Only the five of us.
One big, happy family.
I'll go and tell them.
"One big, happy family."
(LAUGHING)
Arnold, how can you
laugh after that lady fainted?
It's easy. I just open my
mouth and out it comes.
What's the matter with you?
Don't you know that lady
fainted when she looked at us?
No, she didn't. She fainted
when she looked at you.
She fainted because we're black.
Oh, she did? Well,
it's nice to be noticed.
I guess you just don't understand
that some people are prejudiced.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Listen, boys, I've got a
special treat for you tonight.
Your mother's leaving town?
No, we're all going to have dinner in
one of the best restaurants in New York.
We're gonna have caviar.
Oh, boy. What's caviar?
Well, it's fish eggs. It's
delicious. It costs $150 a pound.
Why so much? Chicken eggs
only cost 79 cents a dozen.
I guess it's harder to
lay eggs underwater.
Well, tonight, you're going to have caviar.
And Grandma's gonna come along, too.
She ain't my grandmother.
You know, that lady didn't fall on
her face 'cause she's got jet lag.
She's got black lag.
Now, hold it, Willis.
My mother is very fair about prejudice.
She looks down on people of every color.
She's not really a bigot, you
know. She's... She's just a snob.
And it's bothered
me all of my life.
Then why don't you tell her?
Well, it's not that
easy with my mother.
You afraid of your mother?
Well, no, not really,
but you see, she's getting old
and I don't see her that much
and why upset her?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you're afraid
of your mother.
You told us if something
was bothering us to speak up.
Now, how come that
don't go for you, too?
Well, it really isn't
the same thing, Willis.
Look, your grandmother
is a very nice lady.
Now, why don't you go downstairs
and be nice to her? Give her a chance.
Look, if you'll do that for me,
I'll do something nice for you.
We'll do it anyway, 'cause
you do a lot of nice things for us.
Yeah, in the past
and in the future.
Okay, thanks, boys. Let's go.
Grandma, you shouldn't
be doing things like that.
After that long plane
ride, you look beat.
Yeah, you just sit right over here, and
I'll get you a pillow for your beat feet.
That's... That's...
That's quite thoughtful of you,
Willis, or, Arnold, or whichever.
I'm Willis, Grandma,
he's Arnold.
Yeah, that's right. If I was
taller and he was better-looking,
we'd be identical twins.
Now, you just relax,
Grandma, we'll take care of you.
Now, we know all
about old ladies.
We got lots of them in Harlem.
Oh, you dummy.
You don't remind old
ladies that they're old ladies.
They already know
they're old ladies.
Well, they called mama an old lady
and she worked till the day she died.
Mr. Drummond's mother never
did a lick of work in her whole life.
I beg to correct you, young man.
I'll have you know I worked
as a volunteer during the war.
Is that the one the South lost?
Here's your tea, Mrs. Drummond.
And some little butter cookies.
Mrs. Garrett, where'd those come from?
You got a new hiding place for the cookies?
Yes, I found a good
place besides your mouth.
Will you join me in a
cup of tea, children?
Yeah, I'll have a shot.
You can shoot me, too.
Is this imported tea?
Oh, yes, ma'am, it came
all the way from the Bronx.
Oh!
Now, you done it, stupid.
No, I didn't. I can't drink
with one pinky sticking out!
Just stay where you are, Mrs. Drummond.
I'll have you sponged off in a jiffy.
Oh, an $800 suit ruined.
It didn't do my jockey
shorts any good, either.
Did I hear a scream down there?
Grandma, what happened?
Oh, my suit is ruined,
that's what happened.
Tiny Tim here
blew the tea party.
No, I didn't. That cup is
too big for my little hand.
Now, just calm down, Mother.
You've got plenty of time
to change before dinner.
Well, the only thing I'm going to
change is my mind about going.
I feel a dreadful
migraine coming on.
Uh-oh. I think that means
she's gonna fall down again.
No, it doesn't,
it means she's gonna have
another attack of that old black lag.
Doesn't it, Mr. Drummond?
I think you're right,
Willis. Mother, wait.
What is it, Junior?
I don't quite know how to
say this, but it's long overdue.
Mother, you're behaving like
a spoiled, unreasonable snob.
How dare you, Junior.
Guys, I guess this is a good
time to go walk our goldfish.
Yeah, I'll get the leash.
Right.
No, children, I want everybody
to stay. This is a family affair.
Mother, for your sake, I'm
sorry that Arnold and Willis' father
wasn't Dr. Ralph Bunche
or Martin Luther King, Jr.
But they don't have to
apologize to anybody
because he was a janitor
or because they are black.
But I didn't mean to imply...
Ever since you walked in that door,
you've put everybody down, including me.
You still call me "Junior". It's 40
years since I stopped sucking my thumb.
Are you quite finished?
No, I'm not.
The only reason I'm telling you
this, Mother, is that I love you.
And it's a hurt to know that
my own mother is a snob.
I'm ashamed that I waited
all these years to tell you this.
Well, I never knew you felt that
way. Or that I'm that bad. I'm shocked.
Well, you should be. Your
values are a thing of the past.
It's time you learned to
accept people for what they are,
not for what you
would like them to be.
Well, I...
I admit that perhaps
I'm a little set in my ways.
"A little set"? You're
anchored in concrete.
How could my own son
speak to me like that?
Because your own son wants
you to be a part of his new family.
Now, the choice
is yours, Mother.
Oh, well, I...
I didn't mean to be a snob. I...
I... I'll try to change, but it
isn't easy to break old habits.
You can do it.
It shouldn't be difficult for someone
as loving and kind as you are.
And we'll help you,
won't we, children?
Sure, Grandma. We all need
you and love you very much.
Don't we, guys?
Yeah.
I guess I can try.
Yeah, me, too.
I never had a white
grandma before.
Come here, grandchildren.
You're just an adorable family.
Now, we are. And we're going to
celebrate by going out to dinner.
Including Mrs. Garrett.
Mrs. Garrett? But she's...
Yes, Mrs. Garrett
is quite welcome.
Good. Mrs. Garrett?
Oh. It is so touching to see a family
come together with love and affection
after such a rotten beginning.
You're invited to have dinner with
us at a marvelous new restaurant.
Oh, I couldn't.
Just give me a minute to change.
Well, I'd better change, too.
I'll only be a moment, Philip.
I'll be right down.
Wait. Wait a minute, everybody.
I'm picking up
the check tonight.
You're what?
And I'm handing
it to you, Junior.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Diff'rent Strokes It
takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter that you got
♪ Not a lot, so what?
♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes
♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Good morning,
Arnold, rise and shine.
Better not let Willis hear
you say the word "shine".
Back in Harlem,
that's fighting talk.
After he beats me up, I'll
get you to explain it to me.
Why are you still
in bed, Arnold?
I'm studying.
Superman is studying?
I'm too young for Wonder Woman.
You're also too young
to skip breakfast.
Is something the matter
with the food around here?
Yeah, there's too much
of it, and not enough of me.
Mrs. Garrett's
feeding me too much.
You want to grow
up, don't you, Arnold?
Yeah. Up, not out.
All right. Have you discussed
this with Mrs. Garrett?
I can't. Every time I open my
mouth, she shoves food in it.
I guess she must think
you're an awful lot bigger
on the inside than you
look to be on the outside.
Yeah, I'm afraid if I said anything
to her, she wouldn't like me no more.
Oh, not true.
She'd respect your honesty.
Besides, it's not a good idea to
keep problems bottled up inside of you.
If something's
bothering you, speak up.
You mean, let it all hang out.
Right! Except this, pudgy.
You're not an Eskimo, Willis,
stop harpooning your pancakes.
You got to if you want any
food when she's at the table.
That was my pancake.
What do I have to do around
here, monogram my food?
Just leave some, that's all.
All right, Willis. It's not polite to talk
with somebody else's food in your mouth.
Here we are.
Good morning, Mrs. Garrett.
Oh, good morning, my dear.
Well, if it isn't
Sleeping Beauty.
You mean Sleeping Ugly.
I owe you an insult.
Mrs. Garrett, Arnold has something
that he wants to get off his chest.
What chest?
That's just a pimple on
the front of his backbone.
What do you mean, "Pimple"? What
do you mean, "Pimple"? Is that a chest?
(IMITATING TARZAN)
Gentlemen, gentlemen, could we
please have a permanent five-minute truce?
Thank you. Arnold, go ahead.
Well, Mrs. Garrett, you're
feeding me too much food.
A growing boy has to eat.
Yeah, but you're trying to
feed every growing boy in town
through my little mouth.
Little?
If your mouth was any bigger,
you could swallow yourself.
Well, look who's talking.
The kid who stuffs pancakes in
his mouth without folding them.
You tell him, metal mouth!
Metal what? I
ain't said nothing...
A truce! A truce!
Cool it, cool it!
Okay, Arnold, no big deal.
I'll cut down on your portions.
Right on.
All right.
Now, wasn't that easy, Arnold?
All you had to do was speak your
mind and your problem was solved.
See? With discussion
comes understanding.
Now, in this household, I want
everybody to say what's on their mind.
Well, Daddy, in that case...
Willis, I wish you'd do
something about that bathroom.
Like what?
Like not leaving the seat up.
Oh, that ain't
me, that's Arnold.
It is not. I stand on the seat.
And if you sat
on it, you'd fall in.
What do you mean, "Fall in"?
(PHONE RINGS)
All right, all right
children, that's enough.
Excuse me. Quiet.
Hello. Who?
Mother?
Oh, Mother, what a
wonderful surprise.
Where are you? Paris?
Rome? At the airport?
You mean, here, in New York?
Marvelous. Well, I'll
send the limousine for you.
Goodbye, Mother.
Oh, boy. The last of the
73-year-old jet setters is in town.
Grandma's here. Oh,
Daddy, that's terrific.
Yeah, terrific, and she's
only staying one night.
Oh, I didn't mean that
the way it sounded.
She... Actually, she's
a wonderful mother.
You guys are just
gonna love my grandma.
She brings the neatest presents.
I don't know her but
I'm beginning to like her.
I don't like taking
presents from strangers.
Of course, I'm
easy to get to know.
I'm afraid she's rather fussy.
You know, she
brings her own dust
just so she'll have
something to complain about.
Oh, she won't find anything to
complain about in this house.
I have vacuumed those
poor rugs so many times,
they roll up when
they see me coming.
Kimberly, why don't you go upstairs
and straighten up your room for Grandma?
Okay, Daddy. You, too, boys.
When you're finished,
don't forget to wash up.
Okay.
You know something, Arnold, I
think Mr. Drummond's a clean freak.
Yeah, with all the washing I'm
doing, it's a good thing I'm pre-shrunk.
Hey, listen.
No water fight in the
bathroom, you guys.
WILLIS: Okay, Mrs. Garrett.
ARNOLD: Yeah, Mrs. Garrett.
All right.
I hope Mother's in a good mood.
There are two things that I've
neglected to tell her about the boys.
What two things?
One, that they're here,
and two, that they're black.
You think that'll upset her?
Well, on a scale of one to 10, I would
think her reaction will be about 14.
I'd better send
for the limousine.
Mother gets very impatient
if she's kept waiting.
I was born three days late,
she didn't speak to me for a year.
Mrs. Garrett, is everything
ready for my mother's arrival?
Yes, sir.
What about tabletops? I don't want
Mother to find one single fingerprint.
The only fingerprints
I haven't rubbed out
are the ones on the
ends of my fingers.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I'll get it.
Mother.
Junior.
It's so good to see you.
Mother, you look
marvelous. How was Europe?
Well, the food was tasteless,
the service non-existent,
and the place is
full of foreigners.
Mother, it is their country.
Yes, but they're
so obvious about it.
PHILIP: Oh, look who's here.
Grandma!
Kimberly, my darling.
You look super, Grandma.
Oh, yes, I do.
And you've grown into the
prettiest young lady in New York
wearing the ugliest dress.
Wherever did you find it?
You gave it to me, Grandma.
Oh, yes, last year.
How can you let her go around
looking like last year's teenager?
There are some new things for
you in that brown bag, Kimberly.
Oh, wow. Thanks,
Grandma. You're a doll.
Mother, the way you spoil her, I'm going
to have to keep her in the refrigerator.
I do hope you got me the right size. I've
grown where nobody's expected me to.
Oh, such an adorable child. She
takes after my side of the family.
It's so good to see you, Mother.
Let's both sit down.
All right.
There's something
I want to tell you.
Oh? Yes.
There has been quite
a big change in my life.
(EXCLAIMS)
I have two sons now.
Two sons?
You... You got married
and didn't invite me?
No. No. I'm not married.
Oh, you little devil, you!
You mean it's one of those
modern arrangements?
No, no. Not that, either.
Oh?
You see, my two boys are...
Yes?
Well, they're...
Maybe you better just see them for
yourself, and make up your own mind.
Arnold. Willis.
You're just gonna
love them, Mother.
They're bright,
delightful, full of fun.
They're a wonderful
addition to our family.
Mother, these are my
two boys, Willis and Arnold.
What a pleasant surprise.
Now, that's what
I call a surprise.
Is Grandma okay,
Daddy? What's the matter?
She just fainted, dear.
Can you hear me, Mother?
Stand back,
everybody. Give her air.
You ain't giving her air,
you're giving her pneumonia.
She's moving.
Shove that stuff up my
nose and I'd move, too.
Here's the brandy.
Thanks. She doesn't need it now.
Are you all right now, Grandma?
I think I'd better
call the doctor.
Oh, no, don't. Doctors make
people ill. Well, help me up, Junior.
Kimberly, will you ask Mrs.
Garrett to bring in some coffee?
Sure, Daddy.
Oh, dear. I...
I think it must have been the
reaction delayed from the trip.
Now, I feel a little dizzy.
Maybe your girdle's too tight.
They're... They're such
interesting children.
Wherever did you find them?
They're the sons of someone
who was very close to me.
Oh, well, I understand,
in the business world these days,
there are many affluent ethnics.
Oh, we're not
ethnics, we're Baptists.
Our daddy was with
the United Nations.
Oh, that's marvelous.
A member of the
diplomatic corps?
No, a member of
the janitor corps.
Mother, their mother was my
late housekeeper, Mrs. Jackson.
You remember her.
I... I think I'm
going to faint again.
Oh... No, excuse me. I
think it must be the jet lag.
Yeah. The jet lag.
Come on, Arnold.
Hang in there, Grandma.
Here's some coffee.
Your servants enter without
being summoned? Where's the bell?
It fell off her neck.
We're very informal here, Mother.
This is my housekeeper, Mrs. Garrett.
How do you do?
Mrs. Garrett, have
you polished the silver?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Once a week I look in it
and give it the reflection test.
The reflection test?
Yes. If I start to look too
good, I know it's tarnished.
Well, I don't drink
coffee, Mrs. Garrett.
Oh.
I'll make you some tea.
She's a wonderful human being.
Grandma, this dress is just
perfect! How does it look?
Oh, divine.
You look lovely, Kimberly.
Thank you, Daddy.
Grandma, did you notice
that I'm wearing a B-R-A?
Well, we'll talk about
your spelling later, dear.
Right now, I have something very
important to discuss with your father.
Okay, Grandma. And thanks
again. This dress is the end.
It's gonna make all my
girlfriends just hate me.
Junior, now about the boys...
Yes, yes, aren't they
terrific? Yes, I know.
Mother, I want to take you
to the Chez Antoine tonight.
Oh, well, that's just fine.
It's a terrific new restaurant.
But about the boys... Since
you have to leave tomorrow,
what better way for
you to get to know them?
Yeah, but, Junior...
Only the five of us.
One big, happy family.
I'll go and tell them.
"One big, happy family."
(LAUGHING)
Arnold, how can you
laugh after that lady fainted?
It's easy. I just open my
mouth and out it comes.
What's the matter with you?
Don't you know that lady
fainted when she looked at us?
No, she didn't. She fainted
when she looked at you.
She fainted because we're black.
Oh, she did? Well,
it's nice to be noticed.
I guess you just don't understand
that some people are prejudiced.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Listen, boys, I've got a
special treat for you tonight.
Your mother's leaving town?
No, we're all going to have dinner in
one of the best restaurants in New York.
We're gonna have caviar.
Oh, boy. What's caviar?
Well, it's fish eggs. It's
delicious. It costs $150 a pound.
Why so much? Chicken eggs
only cost 79 cents a dozen.
I guess it's harder to
lay eggs underwater.
Well, tonight, you're going to have caviar.
And Grandma's gonna come along, too.
She ain't my grandmother.
You know, that lady didn't fall on
her face 'cause she's got jet lag.
She's got black lag.
Now, hold it, Willis.
My mother is very fair about prejudice.
She looks down on people of every color.
She's not really a bigot, you
know. She's... She's just a snob.
And it's bothered
me all of my life.
Then why don't you tell her?
Well, it's not that
easy with my mother.
You afraid of your mother?
Well, no, not really,
but you see, she's getting old
and I don't see her that much
and why upset her?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you're afraid
of your mother.
You told us if something
was bothering us to speak up.
Now, how come that
don't go for you, too?
Well, it really isn't
the same thing, Willis.
Look, your grandmother
is a very nice lady.
Now, why don't you go downstairs
and be nice to her? Give her a chance.
Look, if you'll do that for me,
I'll do something nice for you.
We'll do it anyway, 'cause
you do a lot of nice things for us.
Yeah, in the past
and in the future.
Okay, thanks, boys. Let's go.
Grandma, you shouldn't
be doing things like that.
After that long plane
ride, you look beat.
Yeah, you just sit right over here, and
I'll get you a pillow for your beat feet.
That's... That's...
That's quite thoughtful of you,
Willis, or, Arnold, or whichever.
I'm Willis, Grandma,
he's Arnold.
Yeah, that's right. If I was
taller and he was better-looking,
we'd be identical twins.
Now, you just relax,
Grandma, we'll take care of you.
Now, we know all
about old ladies.
We got lots of them in Harlem.
Oh, you dummy.
You don't remind old
ladies that they're old ladies.
They already know
they're old ladies.
Well, they called mama an old lady
and she worked till the day she died.
Mr. Drummond's mother never
did a lick of work in her whole life.
I beg to correct you, young man.
I'll have you know I worked
as a volunteer during the war.
Is that the one the South lost?
Here's your tea, Mrs. Drummond.
And some little butter cookies.
Mrs. Garrett, where'd those come from?
You got a new hiding place for the cookies?
Yes, I found a good
place besides your mouth.
Will you join me in a
cup of tea, children?
Yeah, I'll have a shot.
You can shoot me, too.
Is this imported tea?
Oh, yes, ma'am, it came
all the way from the Bronx.
Oh!
Now, you done it, stupid.
No, I didn't. I can't drink
with one pinky sticking out!
Just stay where you are, Mrs. Drummond.
I'll have you sponged off in a jiffy.
Oh, an $800 suit ruined.
It didn't do my jockey
shorts any good, either.
Did I hear a scream down there?
Grandma, what happened?
Oh, my suit is ruined,
that's what happened.
Tiny Tim here
blew the tea party.
No, I didn't. That cup is
too big for my little hand.
Now, just calm down, Mother.
You've got plenty of time
to change before dinner.
Well, the only thing I'm going to
change is my mind about going.
I feel a dreadful
migraine coming on.
Uh-oh. I think that means
she's gonna fall down again.
No, it doesn't,
it means she's gonna have
another attack of that old black lag.
Doesn't it, Mr. Drummond?
I think you're right,
Willis. Mother, wait.
What is it, Junior?
I don't quite know how to
say this, but it's long overdue.
Mother, you're behaving like
a spoiled, unreasonable snob.
How dare you, Junior.
Guys, I guess this is a good
time to go walk our goldfish.
Yeah, I'll get the leash.
Right.
No, children, I want everybody
to stay. This is a family affair.
Mother, for your sake, I'm
sorry that Arnold and Willis' father
wasn't Dr. Ralph Bunche
or Martin Luther King, Jr.
But they don't have to
apologize to anybody
because he was a janitor
or because they are black.
But I didn't mean to imply...
Ever since you walked in that door,
you've put everybody down, including me.
You still call me "Junior". It's 40
years since I stopped sucking my thumb.
Are you quite finished?
No, I'm not.
The only reason I'm telling you
this, Mother, is that I love you.
And it's a hurt to know that
my own mother is a snob.
I'm ashamed that I waited
all these years to tell you this.
Well, I never knew you felt that
way. Or that I'm that bad. I'm shocked.
Well, you should be. Your
values are a thing of the past.
It's time you learned to
accept people for what they are,
not for what you
would like them to be.
Well, I...
I admit that perhaps
I'm a little set in my ways.
"A little set"? You're
anchored in concrete.
How could my own son
speak to me like that?
Because your own son wants
you to be a part of his new family.
Now, the choice
is yours, Mother.
Oh, well, I...
I didn't mean to be a snob. I...
I... I'll try to change, but it
isn't easy to break old habits.
You can do it.
It shouldn't be difficult for someone
as loving and kind as you are.
And we'll help you,
won't we, children?
Sure, Grandma. We all need
you and love you very much.
Don't we, guys?
Yeah.
I guess I can try.
Yeah, me, too.
I never had a white
grandma before.
Come here, grandchildren.
You're just an adorable family.
Now, we are. And we're going to
celebrate by going out to dinner.
Including Mrs. Garrett.
Mrs. Garrett? But she's...
Yes, Mrs. Garrett
is quite welcome.
Good. Mrs. Garrett?
Oh. It is so touching to see a family
come together with love and affection
after such a rotten beginning.
You're invited to have dinner with
us at a marvelous new restaurant.
Oh, I couldn't.
Just give me a minute to change.
Well, I'd better change, too.
I'll only be a moment, Philip.
I'll be right down.
Wait. Wait a minute, everybody.
I'm picking up
the check tonight.
You're what?
And I'm handing
it to you, Junior.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Diff'rent Strokes It
takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪