Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 4 - Prep School - full transcript
Mr. Drummond is excited about the possibility of the boys enrolling at his old prep school.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter that you got
♪ Not a lot, so what?
♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes
♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪
Can I get anybody anything?
I said, can I get
anybody anything?
Would anyone like some
poached owl on toast?
How about a boiled kangaroo?
Say what?
Oh, sorry, Mrs. Garrett.
Boys, put the comic books away.
It's not polite to
read at the table.
I tried to finish this
in the bathroom.
Your food's probably
cold by now, Willis.
That's okay. I'll warm
it up in my stomach.
When you boys finish
destroying your flapjacks,
don't forget to help
me with your beds.
I'll get some clean sheets.
Not the ones with
Mickey Mouse on them.
Last night I dreamed I was a
piece of cheese and he ate me.
You must have been Swiss cheese
with that big hole you got for a mouth.
(BOTH CLAMORING)
Willis, Arnold, peace.
Oh, I gotta get going.
I gotta make the beds,
vacuum the rug, do the laundry,
scrub the floors,
clean the windows.
Everything's gotta be perfect!
What's the occasion?
The next-door
maid is dropping by.
Boys, I want to
talk to you about...
Boys.
Boys, I want to talk to you
about something very important
that's just around the corner.
The Jewish delicatessen?
No, I mean the time to talk about
school is just around the corner.
What's the matter with
the school we're going to?
Yeah. It's a great school.
They even got a water fountain
that only comes
up to here on me.
No, I have nothing
against the school
you boys are going to,
but I just want to be sure you get
the very best education possible.
I'd like to enroll you
at my old alma mater,
Digby Preparatory
School for Boys.
Sounds like a prison.
Maybe I might
look taller in stripes.
Digby has turned out some of the
great leaders in American industry.
You boys would just love it.
Would you like to have a look
at my Digby yearbook sometime?
Sure. Sure.
Good. I just happen
to have it under here.
I hope he just doesn't happen to
have a teacher under there, too.
Just look at this, boys.
Oh, I haven't been
there for years,
but what memories.
Look at that.
There's my old
pal, Stinky Rogers.
He is now the
president of my bank.
I wouldn't trust my money
with an old dude named Stinky.
What are those kids doing?
That's an old
tradition at Digby.
Every spring, the students
throw the headmaster into the lake.
Man, I could get
to love that tradition.
That's funny, Arnold.
You know, the student
that started that tradition
should've been
ashamed of himself.
But, I wasn't.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
You boys are just
going to love it there.
No, we ain't, 'cause
we ain't going there.
As half of that "we,"
don't I get a say in this?
Sure you do. Say no.
Two black kids from
Harlem don't belong there.
Oh, I can give you two
good reasons why you do.
It's integrated, and if it
wasn't for my donations,
that school would be a car wash.
When we first came here,
you said you'd never
force us to do anything
we didn't want to do.
That's right. I won't force you.
But I'd always hoped
that any sons of mine
would follow in my footsteps.
Four generations of Drummonds
have worn the Digby crest.
What's a crest?
Well, it's just an emblem
you wear on your jacket.
Is it like a gravy stain?
No. It's a lot more
important than that.
Well, it's only a
suggestion, you guys.
The idea just occurred
to me this morning, but...
Listen, please.
Think about Digby.
Okay.
Okay, we will.
Come on, Arnold.
Let's think about it.
I'm thinking.
Okay, that's enough. Forget it.
Hold that, brother.
I ain't through thinking yet.
Well, I am.
That's 'cause your
thinker blew a fuse.
This one's mine.
You ain't gettin' none of 'em.
Mrs. Garrett!
Give me my book.
Mr. Drummond? Yes, Mrs. Garrett.
About the boys' Digby prep
clothes, that tailor dropped by.
Mrs. Garrett.
Don't worry. I hid the new
clothes you had made for them
in the upstairs hall closet.
Mrs. Garrett...
And Mr. Bordinay, the
headmaster, returned your call.
He'll come by this morning
to escort them to Digby.
And...
(STAMMERING)
I wish I was dead.
(CRYING)
If you want me, I'll be in the
kitchen with my head in the oven.
Just thought of it this
morning, huh, Mr. D.?
So you're trying to
force us to go to Digby.
It only looks that way,
Willis, because I was.
I'm sorry, boys.
The decision will be up to you.
Okay, Mr. Drummond.
Do you mind if Willis and I
talk in private for a minute?
Now what do we
need to do that for?
I want to tell you
how dumb you are,
but I don't want to say it
in front of Mr. Drummond.
(INAUDIBLE)
I say we go look at Digby.
Since when did you become
such a great school-lover?
I ain't. The only thing
I like about school
is lunch, recess and
summer vacation.
That makes two of us.
Listen, Mr. Drummond loves us
and we owe it to him
to look Digby over.
I guess you're right.
All right. Come on, Arnold.
Hey, Mr. Drummond, we decided
to go check out your school.
Yeah. We talked it over,
and I won, 3 shoves to 2.
That makes me very happy, boys.
And believe me,
you won't be sorry.
It's a beautiful school.
Here, let me show
you. Look. Look at this.
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
What are you laughing at?
That picture.
Look at the dumb
look on that guy's face.
Hey! That's me.
Good-looking boy, weren't you?
♪ You beautiful doll
♪ You great, big
beautiful doll ♪
(BARKS)
Don't you look
wonderful, Willis.
But why the sunglasses?
So nobody recognizes me.
You know, if I went to a school
looking like this in Harlem,
I'd get mugged by the principal.
Arnold, you look very handsome.
Yes, I do.
I must say, Mrs. Garrett,
clothes do make the man.
Oh, these outfits are too much.
Hi.
How do I look?
Fits you like a glove.
Arnold's glove.
I had this outfit locked
in a trunk for 30 years.
Too bad it escaped.
But you guys just look terrific.
Yes, that's a fact, isn't it?
You know, these outfits
are a tradition at Digby.
Like Eton in England.
We never ate in England.
Eton is a school, Arnold.
Oh.
Wait till you see what
the headmaster wears.
Starched collar,
long black coat.
Does he sleep in a
coffin during the daytime?
Well, I haven't had
the pleasure of meeting
the new headmaster,
Mr. Bordinay,
but they never change.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
We're all gonna be on
our best behavior, right?
Good behavior, super mouse.
How would you like a fat ankle?
Mr. Drummond?
Yes. Mr. Bordinay.
That's right. Please come in.
Thank you.
Where's your starched
collar and long black coat?
It probably got wet when
they threw him in the lake.
I beg your pardon?
What the boys mean is,
where is the traditional
Digby headmaster attire?
My dear sir, we haven't
worn those for years.
Or that archaic
outfit you're wearing.
You mean we don't have
to wear these monkey suits?
It's only a joke, Willis.
Mr. Bordinay, these are my boys.
This is Willis.
And this is Arnold.
I trust you received
their records.
We ain't got any records.
We ain't even been
picked up for questioning.
School records, Arnold.
Now, why don't you
two boys run upstairs
and get changed into
something more suitable for Digby.
Oh, we'll try to change
into two white boys.
(LAUGHING)
Terrific kids, aren't they?
Yes, fine little chaps.
Mr. Drummond, may I use...
Yes, of course. It's through
those doors, right down the hall.
Your telephone?
Oh, oh, oh. Yes,
of course. Here.
Help yourself.
Oh...
May I get you some coffee?
Perhaps a spot of tea.
One spot, coming up.
Mrs. Garrett?
EDNA: Yes, sir?
Mrs. Garrett?
Yes, Mr. Drummond?
Mrs. Garrett, would you please
make some tea for Mr. Bordinay?
Right. We should be
there in about an hour.
No. Let's feed them
before they take the test.
At least they can
enjoy their lunch.
I'm afraid there's
no way these boys
will pass our Digby
entrance exams.
EDNA: Good afternoon,
Mr. Drummond.
Oh! Are the boys home yet?
Do you see the floor covered with
comic books and cookie crumbs?
The boys aren't home yet.
Had a great time at lunch today.
Ran into Stinky Rogers.
Oh! With a name like
that, I'd walk around him.
(LAUGHING)
He's an old school chum.
We reminisced about the school.
We even did the
old school cheer.
What is it? Oh, it's nothing.
Do it. No, I couldn't.
Okay.
Well, if you want to hear it...
(CHANTING) Digby,
Digby, win the game.
Put the other team to shame.
All around they know our name.
Digby, Digby, Digby!
Oh. I think I hurt myself.
They should change
that "Digby, Digby, Digby"
to "Hernia, Hernia, Hernia."
(DOORBELL RINGING)
I'll get the door.
Good afternoon.
How ya doing, Mrs. Garrett?
Hi, Mr. Drummond.
Boys, welcome home.
Well, how did you
like my old school?
That place is bad.
Far out.
It blows your mind!
Boom!
Well, does that mean you
liked it, or you didn't like it?
It was terrific.
They got row boats
and tennis and fencing.
(EXCLAIMS)
And they even got a
horse that's just right for me.
I didn't want to upset him and
tell him it was a Great Dane.
(EXCLAIMS)
I knew it was a dog.
He kept stopping at every tree.
(LAUGHING)
I can't tell you how glad I am
that you guys really like Digby.
Oh, they even got a lake
there that ain't full of garbage.
We met some black kids
and they showed us how
to shoot a bow and arrows.
And Willis showed
them how to shoot craps.
Willis.
I never want to hear about
you shooting craps again.
No gambling in
this family. Period.
Mr. Drummond, we're
really gonna dig it at Digby.
We're gonna make
you proud of us.
The only thing we didn't
like was the headmaster.
Yeah. That Mr. Bordinay
walks around
like somebody
starched his shorts.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(PHONE RINGING)
I'll get it.
Hello?
Mr. Bordinay.
Yes, the boys are back.
And they love the school.
Tests?
What tests?
Oh, no.
That low, huh?
Well, listen. I can get
them a private tutor.
Well, isn't there some way
that you can get them in?
Oh.
I'm very disappointed,
and the boys will be, too.
I see. Goodbye.
What's the matter, Mr. Drummond?
The boys won't
be going to Digby.
They failed the entrance test.
Oh, no!
I just feel awful.
I got them so
excited about going,
they just loved the school.
Yeah.
I know how you must feel.
It's going to be a
terrible letdown for them.
Why don't I whip up two ice
cream sodas to ease the boys' pain.
It's painful for all
of us. Make it three.
I'll make it four.
Arnold, what kind of classes
are you gonna take at Digby?
I think I'm gonna
take sailing, swimming,
and this here class
in gourmet cooking.
Why you gonna take a
class like gourmet cooking?
'Cause they're bound to need
somebody to do some gourmet eating.
What do you think
of that school cheer?
Kind of corny, huh?
Yeah. Maybe we
could jazz it up a little.
Yeah. I got an idea. Watch this.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Boys, I want to talk to you.
Just one second, Mr. Drummond.
Lay your ears on this.
(CHANTING) Digby,
Digby, win the game.
BOTH: (CHANTING) Put
the other team to shame.
All around they know our name,
Digby, Digby, Digby! Yeah!
I tell you, boys, I never
really liked that cheer.
As a matter of fact, I never
cared much for the school.
Say what?
You know something?
It really doesn't matter to me
whether you go there or not.
What you talking about?
Mr. Drummond, are you trying to
con us out of going to this school?
Oh, why, no.
But I just wouldn't
want the feeling
that I was pushing you into it.
I mean, you don't have to
pretend you like it for my sake.
We're not pretending. I'm happy.
You want me to
lay a smile on you?
I owe you a smile. I
don't have all my teeth.
Listen, guys, I'm
gonna level with you.
You know those tests
that they gave you?
Yeah.
Your scores were very low.
How low?
I'm afraid too low.
Does that mean we
can't go to Digby?
Let's just face it, Arnold.
We're just plain dumb.
Yeah.
Only you've been dumb
a lot longer than me.
You are not dumb.
Yes, we are, Mr. Drummond.
We let you down.
Don't say that, Willis.
Then I'll say it.
We let you down, Mr. Drummond.
We were trying to
make you so proud of us.
I am proud of you.
Very proud, Willis.
Does that include me?
Come here.
Listen, you guys.
There's no way you let me down.
And you're not dumb.
That's just a lot of...
I'm not gonna say the word.
Is that the word
you won't let us say?
Now listen, you guys.
I know that you're
both very smart.
I don't understand how
they could have failed you.
Something is wrong here.
It must have been all
those trick questions.
What do you mean,
trick questions?
The kind that need answers.
I mean, special answers.
They wanted to know
what does the blindfolded
lady with the scales represent?
Willis, that is the symbol of
our American legal system.
My answer was wrong.
What did you say?
I said the scales meant
she was in the market.
And the blindfold
meant she didn't want
to see the butcher rip her off.
My questions were even
trickier, Mr. Drummond.
Oh, like what?
Like, they asked me how many
people could sleep in a house
with three bedrooms, and
a double bed in each room.
Yeah. And what was your answer?
18.
18?
Yeah. We know people who
get three in a bed, two on the floor,
six on the couch, and
one in the bathroom.
And of course, the one
in the bathtub goes crazy
from the water
dripping on his head.
You know something, boys,
for the first time, I'm beginning
to understand something.
Me, too. We're dumb.
Now, stop it, Arnold.
No! Those tests are dumb.
They asked you questions
you couldn't possibly relate to.
I mean, that's like asking
a Chinese cook
how to make a pizza.
Man, that's a dirty trick
to play on a stomach.
You know something, boys?
I think we're going to invite
the headmaster, Mr. Bordinay,
to drop in tomorrow
morning for a little visit.
To do what?
I'll explain that to you later.
Hello. Mr. Bordinay, please.
Philip Drummond calling.
Hello, Bordinay.
I wonder if you could be at my
apartment tomorrow morning at 10:00.
It's very important.
Oh, I'll tell you how important.
You know that auditorium
I'm building for you?
I'm sure you'd like
it to have a roof.
Yeah. I'll be expecting you.
You want me, the headmaster
of Digby, to take a test?
That's right.
Surely you're joking.
Boys, are we joking?
I don't hear anybody laughing.
Me, either.
The tests you gave my
boys were very unfair,
and we're gonna
prove that to you.
Really, Mr. Drummond,
it's the same test used
by other schools like Digby.
I do not intend
to stay for this.
Mr. Bordinay, we are
talking about my sons.
I suggest you listen, or
that auditorium without a roof
might also be
without an auditorium.
Under the circumstances,
I'd love to take the test.
All right, guys.
Start the questions.
Question number one.
If there's no water in the house,
how do you take a shower?
Well, obviously you can't.
Wrong.
You wait for them to
turn on the fire hydrant,
run out on the street
with your underwear.
That's ridiculous.
You're a little out of
touch, Mr. Bordinay. Willis.
If I gave you a brown egg, two
charlies, and a deuce of rust,
what would you have?
I think I'd have a headache.
Wrong.
You'd have $2.21.
In what country?
In the old country.
We call it Harlem.
Harlem.
Really, Mr. Drummond, I
think this is going a little too far.
Oh? You put my boys through
exactly the same experience.
Question number three, Arnold.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Question number three is:
Name three different
kinds of blues.
Three kinds of blue.
Well, there's azure, indigo,
and baby blue.
Wrong.
Where we come from,
the three blues are
low down, barrelhouse
and gut-bucket.
Are my boys getting
through to you, Mr. Bordinay?
Obviously your point is
that anyone unfamiliar with the
street environment
couldn't pass your test.
Right.
And anybody unfamiliar
with your environment
couldn't possibly
pass the Digby test.
Au contraire.
Oh con what?
Our test is unfailingly
fair, Mr. Drummond.
For the right people.
Are you saying that only the
right people get into Digby?
Let's say it's more of a test
to keep the wrong people out.
That's one nice
thing about Harlem.
Anybody can get in.
Mr. Bordinay, I am
shocked and ashamed
to learn that my old school
is one of the few remaining
to hang onto this stupid,
narrow-minded way of judging intelligence.
But, Mr. Drummond...
And I would hope that
in the next six months,
Digby could
straighten out its act.
But...
And if you can't, I'll use every
bit of influence I can muster
to see that you get
thrown out on your...
But... Exactly.
And now, I'd like to
show you the door.
Very well.
There's the door.
You were great, Mr. Drummond.
No, I wasn't.
Yeah. You shoulda
belted him before he left.
No, I'll tell you what I
should have done, fellas.
I should have
paid more attention
to what was going
on in my old school.
I didn't even realize that
the clothes had changed.
When you really care
about something in life,
you should follow through,
not just leave it
to other people.
Boy, going to school can
sure mess up a person's life.
One day you guys
will be very glad
that you had a good education.
Mr. Drummond's right, Arnold.
Yeah, I know.
But until then, it's 20
more years of homework.
Shall we celebrate
the future college
graduations of Willis
and Arnold Jackson
with some delicious
ice cream sodas?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Hey! Thank you.
Hey, there are five there.
What's the extra one for?
Whoever finishes first.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter that you got
♪ Not a lot, so what?
♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes
♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪
Can I get anybody anything?
I said, can I get
anybody anything?
Would anyone like some
poached owl on toast?
How about a boiled kangaroo?
Say what?
Oh, sorry, Mrs. Garrett.
Boys, put the comic books away.
It's not polite to
read at the table.
I tried to finish this
in the bathroom.
Your food's probably
cold by now, Willis.
That's okay. I'll warm
it up in my stomach.
When you boys finish
destroying your flapjacks,
don't forget to help
me with your beds.
I'll get some clean sheets.
Not the ones with
Mickey Mouse on them.
Last night I dreamed I was a
piece of cheese and he ate me.
You must have been Swiss cheese
with that big hole you got for a mouth.
(BOTH CLAMORING)
Willis, Arnold, peace.
Oh, I gotta get going.
I gotta make the beds,
vacuum the rug, do the laundry,
scrub the floors,
clean the windows.
Everything's gotta be perfect!
What's the occasion?
The next-door
maid is dropping by.
Boys, I want to
talk to you about...
Boys.
Boys, I want to talk to you
about something very important
that's just around the corner.
The Jewish delicatessen?
No, I mean the time to talk about
school is just around the corner.
What's the matter with
the school we're going to?
Yeah. It's a great school.
They even got a water fountain
that only comes
up to here on me.
No, I have nothing
against the school
you boys are going to,
but I just want to be sure you get
the very best education possible.
I'd like to enroll you
at my old alma mater,
Digby Preparatory
School for Boys.
Sounds like a prison.
Maybe I might
look taller in stripes.
Digby has turned out some of the
great leaders in American industry.
You boys would just love it.
Would you like to have a look
at my Digby yearbook sometime?
Sure. Sure.
Good. I just happen
to have it under here.
I hope he just doesn't happen to
have a teacher under there, too.
Just look at this, boys.
Oh, I haven't been
there for years,
but what memories.
Look at that.
There's my old
pal, Stinky Rogers.
He is now the
president of my bank.
I wouldn't trust my money
with an old dude named Stinky.
What are those kids doing?
That's an old
tradition at Digby.
Every spring, the students
throw the headmaster into the lake.
Man, I could get
to love that tradition.
That's funny, Arnold.
You know, the student
that started that tradition
should've been
ashamed of himself.
But, I wasn't.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
You boys are just
going to love it there.
No, we ain't, 'cause
we ain't going there.
As half of that "we,"
don't I get a say in this?
Sure you do. Say no.
Two black kids from
Harlem don't belong there.
Oh, I can give you two
good reasons why you do.
It's integrated, and if it
wasn't for my donations,
that school would be a car wash.
When we first came here,
you said you'd never
force us to do anything
we didn't want to do.
That's right. I won't force you.
But I'd always hoped
that any sons of mine
would follow in my footsteps.
Four generations of Drummonds
have worn the Digby crest.
What's a crest?
Well, it's just an emblem
you wear on your jacket.
Is it like a gravy stain?
No. It's a lot more
important than that.
Well, it's only a
suggestion, you guys.
The idea just occurred
to me this morning, but...
Listen, please.
Think about Digby.
Okay.
Okay, we will.
Come on, Arnold.
Let's think about it.
I'm thinking.
Okay, that's enough. Forget it.
Hold that, brother.
I ain't through thinking yet.
Well, I am.
That's 'cause your
thinker blew a fuse.
This one's mine.
You ain't gettin' none of 'em.
Mrs. Garrett!
Give me my book.
Mr. Drummond? Yes, Mrs. Garrett.
About the boys' Digby prep
clothes, that tailor dropped by.
Mrs. Garrett.
Don't worry. I hid the new
clothes you had made for them
in the upstairs hall closet.
Mrs. Garrett...
And Mr. Bordinay, the
headmaster, returned your call.
He'll come by this morning
to escort them to Digby.
And...
(STAMMERING)
I wish I was dead.
(CRYING)
If you want me, I'll be in the
kitchen with my head in the oven.
Just thought of it this
morning, huh, Mr. D.?
So you're trying to
force us to go to Digby.
It only looks that way,
Willis, because I was.
I'm sorry, boys.
The decision will be up to you.
Okay, Mr. Drummond.
Do you mind if Willis and I
talk in private for a minute?
Now what do we
need to do that for?
I want to tell you
how dumb you are,
but I don't want to say it
in front of Mr. Drummond.
(INAUDIBLE)
I say we go look at Digby.
Since when did you become
such a great school-lover?
I ain't. The only thing
I like about school
is lunch, recess and
summer vacation.
That makes two of us.
Listen, Mr. Drummond loves us
and we owe it to him
to look Digby over.
I guess you're right.
All right. Come on, Arnold.
Hey, Mr. Drummond, we decided
to go check out your school.
Yeah. We talked it over,
and I won, 3 shoves to 2.
That makes me very happy, boys.
And believe me,
you won't be sorry.
It's a beautiful school.
Here, let me show
you. Look. Look at this.
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
What are you laughing at?
That picture.
Look at the dumb
look on that guy's face.
Hey! That's me.
Good-looking boy, weren't you?
♪ You beautiful doll
♪ You great, big
beautiful doll ♪
(BARKS)
Don't you look
wonderful, Willis.
But why the sunglasses?
So nobody recognizes me.
You know, if I went to a school
looking like this in Harlem,
I'd get mugged by the principal.
Arnold, you look very handsome.
Yes, I do.
I must say, Mrs. Garrett,
clothes do make the man.
Oh, these outfits are too much.
Hi.
How do I look?
Fits you like a glove.
Arnold's glove.
I had this outfit locked
in a trunk for 30 years.
Too bad it escaped.
But you guys just look terrific.
Yes, that's a fact, isn't it?
You know, these outfits
are a tradition at Digby.
Like Eton in England.
We never ate in England.
Eton is a school, Arnold.
Oh.
Wait till you see what
the headmaster wears.
Starched collar,
long black coat.
Does he sleep in a
coffin during the daytime?
Well, I haven't had
the pleasure of meeting
the new headmaster,
Mr. Bordinay,
but they never change.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
We're all gonna be on
our best behavior, right?
Good behavior, super mouse.
How would you like a fat ankle?
Mr. Drummond?
Yes. Mr. Bordinay.
That's right. Please come in.
Thank you.
Where's your starched
collar and long black coat?
It probably got wet when
they threw him in the lake.
I beg your pardon?
What the boys mean is,
where is the traditional
Digby headmaster attire?
My dear sir, we haven't
worn those for years.
Or that archaic
outfit you're wearing.
You mean we don't have
to wear these monkey suits?
It's only a joke, Willis.
Mr. Bordinay, these are my boys.
This is Willis.
And this is Arnold.
I trust you received
their records.
We ain't got any records.
We ain't even been
picked up for questioning.
School records, Arnold.
Now, why don't you
two boys run upstairs
and get changed into
something more suitable for Digby.
Oh, we'll try to change
into two white boys.
(LAUGHING)
Terrific kids, aren't they?
Yes, fine little chaps.
Mr. Drummond, may I use...
Yes, of course. It's through
those doors, right down the hall.
Your telephone?
Oh, oh, oh. Yes,
of course. Here.
Help yourself.
Oh...
May I get you some coffee?
Perhaps a spot of tea.
One spot, coming up.
Mrs. Garrett?
EDNA: Yes, sir?
Mrs. Garrett?
Yes, Mr. Drummond?
Mrs. Garrett, would you please
make some tea for Mr. Bordinay?
Right. We should be
there in about an hour.
No. Let's feed them
before they take the test.
At least they can
enjoy their lunch.
I'm afraid there's
no way these boys
will pass our Digby
entrance exams.
EDNA: Good afternoon,
Mr. Drummond.
Oh! Are the boys home yet?
Do you see the floor covered with
comic books and cookie crumbs?
The boys aren't home yet.
Had a great time at lunch today.
Ran into Stinky Rogers.
Oh! With a name like
that, I'd walk around him.
(LAUGHING)
He's an old school chum.
We reminisced about the school.
We even did the
old school cheer.
What is it? Oh, it's nothing.
Do it. No, I couldn't.
Okay.
Well, if you want to hear it...
(CHANTING) Digby,
Digby, win the game.
Put the other team to shame.
All around they know our name.
Digby, Digby, Digby!
Oh. I think I hurt myself.
They should change
that "Digby, Digby, Digby"
to "Hernia, Hernia, Hernia."
(DOORBELL RINGING)
I'll get the door.
Good afternoon.
How ya doing, Mrs. Garrett?
Hi, Mr. Drummond.
Boys, welcome home.
Well, how did you
like my old school?
That place is bad.
Far out.
It blows your mind!
Boom!
Well, does that mean you
liked it, or you didn't like it?
It was terrific.
They got row boats
and tennis and fencing.
(EXCLAIMS)
And they even got a
horse that's just right for me.
I didn't want to upset him and
tell him it was a Great Dane.
(EXCLAIMS)
I knew it was a dog.
He kept stopping at every tree.
(LAUGHING)
I can't tell you how glad I am
that you guys really like Digby.
Oh, they even got a lake
there that ain't full of garbage.
We met some black kids
and they showed us how
to shoot a bow and arrows.
And Willis showed
them how to shoot craps.
Willis.
I never want to hear about
you shooting craps again.
No gambling in
this family. Period.
Mr. Drummond, we're
really gonna dig it at Digby.
We're gonna make
you proud of us.
The only thing we didn't
like was the headmaster.
Yeah. That Mr. Bordinay
walks around
like somebody
starched his shorts.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(PHONE RINGING)
I'll get it.
Hello?
Mr. Bordinay.
Yes, the boys are back.
And they love the school.
Tests?
What tests?
Oh, no.
That low, huh?
Well, listen. I can get
them a private tutor.
Well, isn't there some way
that you can get them in?
Oh.
I'm very disappointed,
and the boys will be, too.
I see. Goodbye.
What's the matter, Mr. Drummond?
The boys won't
be going to Digby.
They failed the entrance test.
Oh, no!
I just feel awful.
I got them so
excited about going,
they just loved the school.
Yeah.
I know how you must feel.
It's going to be a
terrible letdown for them.
Why don't I whip up two ice
cream sodas to ease the boys' pain.
It's painful for all
of us. Make it three.
I'll make it four.
Arnold, what kind of classes
are you gonna take at Digby?
I think I'm gonna
take sailing, swimming,
and this here class
in gourmet cooking.
Why you gonna take a
class like gourmet cooking?
'Cause they're bound to need
somebody to do some gourmet eating.
What do you think
of that school cheer?
Kind of corny, huh?
Yeah. Maybe we
could jazz it up a little.
Yeah. I got an idea. Watch this.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Boys, I want to talk to you.
Just one second, Mr. Drummond.
Lay your ears on this.
(CHANTING) Digby,
Digby, win the game.
BOTH: (CHANTING) Put
the other team to shame.
All around they know our name,
Digby, Digby, Digby! Yeah!
I tell you, boys, I never
really liked that cheer.
As a matter of fact, I never
cared much for the school.
Say what?
You know something?
It really doesn't matter to me
whether you go there or not.
What you talking about?
Mr. Drummond, are you trying to
con us out of going to this school?
Oh, why, no.
But I just wouldn't
want the feeling
that I was pushing you into it.
I mean, you don't have to
pretend you like it for my sake.
We're not pretending. I'm happy.
You want me to
lay a smile on you?
I owe you a smile. I
don't have all my teeth.
Listen, guys, I'm
gonna level with you.
You know those tests
that they gave you?
Yeah.
Your scores were very low.
How low?
I'm afraid too low.
Does that mean we
can't go to Digby?
Let's just face it, Arnold.
We're just plain dumb.
Yeah.
Only you've been dumb
a lot longer than me.
You are not dumb.
Yes, we are, Mr. Drummond.
We let you down.
Don't say that, Willis.
Then I'll say it.
We let you down, Mr. Drummond.
We were trying to
make you so proud of us.
I am proud of you.
Very proud, Willis.
Does that include me?
Come here.
Listen, you guys.
There's no way you let me down.
And you're not dumb.
That's just a lot of...
I'm not gonna say the word.
Is that the word
you won't let us say?
Now listen, you guys.
I know that you're
both very smart.
I don't understand how
they could have failed you.
Something is wrong here.
It must have been all
those trick questions.
What do you mean,
trick questions?
The kind that need answers.
I mean, special answers.
They wanted to know
what does the blindfolded
lady with the scales represent?
Willis, that is the symbol of
our American legal system.
My answer was wrong.
What did you say?
I said the scales meant
she was in the market.
And the blindfold
meant she didn't want
to see the butcher rip her off.
My questions were even
trickier, Mr. Drummond.
Oh, like what?
Like, they asked me how many
people could sleep in a house
with three bedrooms, and
a double bed in each room.
Yeah. And what was your answer?
18.
18?
Yeah. We know people who
get three in a bed, two on the floor,
six on the couch, and
one in the bathroom.
And of course, the one
in the bathtub goes crazy
from the water
dripping on his head.
You know something, boys,
for the first time, I'm beginning
to understand something.
Me, too. We're dumb.
Now, stop it, Arnold.
No! Those tests are dumb.
They asked you questions
you couldn't possibly relate to.
I mean, that's like asking
a Chinese cook
how to make a pizza.
Man, that's a dirty trick
to play on a stomach.
You know something, boys?
I think we're going to invite
the headmaster, Mr. Bordinay,
to drop in tomorrow
morning for a little visit.
To do what?
I'll explain that to you later.
Hello. Mr. Bordinay, please.
Philip Drummond calling.
Hello, Bordinay.
I wonder if you could be at my
apartment tomorrow morning at 10:00.
It's very important.
Oh, I'll tell you how important.
You know that auditorium
I'm building for you?
I'm sure you'd like
it to have a roof.
Yeah. I'll be expecting you.
You want me, the headmaster
of Digby, to take a test?
That's right.
Surely you're joking.
Boys, are we joking?
I don't hear anybody laughing.
Me, either.
The tests you gave my
boys were very unfair,
and we're gonna
prove that to you.
Really, Mr. Drummond,
it's the same test used
by other schools like Digby.
I do not intend
to stay for this.
Mr. Bordinay, we are
talking about my sons.
I suggest you listen, or
that auditorium without a roof
might also be
without an auditorium.
Under the circumstances,
I'd love to take the test.
All right, guys.
Start the questions.
Question number one.
If there's no water in the house,
how do you take a shower?
Well, obviously you can't.
Wrong.
You wait for them to
turn on the fire hydrant,
run out on the street
with your underwear.
That's ridiculous.
You're a little out of
touch, Mr. Bordinay. Willis.
If I gave you a brown egg, two
charlies, and a deuce of rust,
what would you have?
I think I'd have a headache.
Wrong.
You'd have $2.21.
In what country?
In the old country.
We call it Harlem.
Harlem.
Really, Mr. Drummond, I
think this is going a little too far.
Oh? You put my boys through
exactly the same experience.
Question number three, Arnold.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Question number three is:
Name three different
kinds of blues.
Three kinds of blue.
Well, there's azure, indigo,
and baby blue.
Wrong.
Where we come from,
the three blues are
low down, barrelhouse
and gut-bucket.
Are my boys getting
through to you, Mr. Bordinay?
Obviously your point is
that anyone unfamiliar with the
street environment
couldn't pass your test.
Right.
And anybody unfamiliar
with your environment
couldn't possibly
pass the Digby test.
Au contraire.
Oh con what?
Our test is unfailingly
fair, Mr. Drummond.
For the right people.
Are you saying that only the
right people get into Digby?
Let's say it's more of a test
to keep the wrong people out.
That's one nice
thing about Harlem.
Anybody can get in.
Mr. Bordinay, I am
shocked and ashamed
to learn that my old school
is one of the few remaining
to hang onto this stupid,
narrow-minded way of judging intelligence.
But, Mr. Drummond...
And I would hope that
in the next six months,
Digby could
straighten out its act.
But...
And if you can't, I'll use every
bit of influence I can muster
to see that you get
thrown out on your...
But... Exactly.
And now, I'd like to
show you the door.
Very well.
There's the door.
You were great, Mr. Drummond.
No, I wasn't.
Yeah. You shoulda
belted him before he left.
No, I'll tell you what I
should have done, fellas.
I should have
paid more attention
to what was going
on in my old school.
I didn't even realize that
the clothes had changed.
When you really care
about something in life,
you should follow through,
not just leave it
to other people.
Boy, going to school can
sure mess up a person's life.
One day you guys
will be very glad
that you had a good education.
Mr. Drummond's right, Arnold.
Yeah, I know.
But until then, it's 20
more years of homework.
Shall we celebrate
the future college
graduations of Willis
and Arnold Jackson
with some delicious
ice cream sodas?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Hey! Thank you.
Hey, there are five there.
What's the extra one for?
Whoever finishes first.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world, yes, it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪