Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Social Worker - full transcript

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got



♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪

Boo!

Arnold, what are
you doing in there?

Scaring the buns off you.

Young man, what have you been told
about hiding and jumping out at people?

That's the only way somebody my
size is gonna scare anybody your size.

Yeah, well, watch yourself.

Because somebody my size might
decide to keep somebody your size



from getting any bigger.

You got that, Arnold? Got it.

All right, dear.

Boo!

Willis? Arnold?

Boys?

Now, why are the drapes
closed? It's such a lovely day.

Arnold, that is the
second time this week

that you've scared
me half to death.

Which half did I get this time?

Please, don't do that again.

All right, Mr. Drummond.

And where's Willis? I have to talk to
you boys about something very important.

Uh-oh. Whatever
it is, I didn't do it.

No. Arnold, you're
not in any trouble. Yet.

But have patience,
the day's just started.

Do you want me, Mr. Drummond?

Yes, please.

Now, you boys know that there's
a social worker dropping by today

to see how you're doing, right?

Yeah. Right.

Now, it's very important to all of us
that she sees how much you like it here.

But you said if we wanted to
leave, the door was always open.

That's right, Willis.

Now, I'm gonna tell the social
worker how much I like you guys.

It might be helpful if
you could say something,

you know,
complimentary about me.

Okay, I'll tell her you
got all your own teeth.

I thank you. And my
dentist thanks you.

But that's not
exactly what I meant.

Arnold, what could you say?

I could say this is a place
I wanna die and be buried.

Right here in this room
with a color TV and stereo.

Yeah, just like King Tut.

Yeah, King Tut.

Who's that?

It might be better if
you just simply said

that you couldn't imagine
wanting to live anywhere else.

Except Harlem.

You know what I
like about Harlem?

What? That I ain't there.

Well, I miss the gang of kids.

If you behave yourself, Willis, today,
I'll buy you your own gang of kids.

We'll give it a try.
We'll do what you say.

Thanks, Willis.

Now, let's see. What could
you say about me that's nice?

And still truthful, of course.

We could say you're
a real cool dude.

A real cool dude?

You know, I like that.

The last cool dude we knew, he
got five years for stealing a hot car.

Yeah. Then he got spanked by his mommy,
'cause he wasn't old enough to drive.

All right. Okay, fellas,
get ready for breakfast.

And that social worker
could be here any minute.

All right, Mr. Drummond.

Okay, Mr. Drummond.

Are you Mr. Drummond? Yes.

Ms. Aimsly. Social worker.

Oh, yes. Please, come in.

Can I get you a
drink, Mrs. Aimsly?

Ms. Aimsly. And I
never drink on the job.

Do you drink, Mr. Drummond?

Oh, never. Never.

Won't you please sit down?

Now, then, the children.

Yes. Those happy,
well-adjusted little tots.

Boys?

Coming, Mr. Drummond.

Coming, Mr. Drummond.

Sorry to keep you
waiting, Mr. Drummond.

Yeah. We would
have been here sooner,

but we were up there
counting our blessings.

Boys, there is someone
here I want you to meet.

This is Arnold. And
this is Willis Jackson.

Boys, this is Ms. Aimsly, a social worker,
who's come to pay our happy home a visit.

How do you do? I'm happy Willis.

And I'm delirious Arnold.

Charmed, I'm sure.

You're Arnold. You're Willis.

Yes, ma'am.

We also got a happy
goldfish named Abraham.

And he's the only
goldfish we ever saw laugh.

Happy children
making happy jokes.

So you boys are really
happy living here?

If this was heaven,
I'd kill myself tomorrow.

This Mr. Drummond
is a real cool dude.

Did you hear that?
"A real cool dude."

Well, I must say
that you children

certainly do have a
lovely place to live in.

Confidentially,
the man is loaded.

L-O-D-I-D.

And he sure treats us right.

You know, children
can be spoiled that way.

Well, if you're gonna turn
bad, that's the way to do it.

Now, boys, I'm strict, too. I
always tell you right from wrong.

Oh, and wrong from right.

Whichever we happen
to get involved in first.

Boys,

have you ever lived in a
non-black neighborhood before?

Just once.

When our landlord in Harlem
painted our building white.

Arnold, do you miss seeing
other black children your age?

No, ma'am. If I miss
seeing a black kid my age,

all I got to do is
look in the mirror.

Well, I guess that's all the
questions that I have for the boys.

All right, boys, you can run up to your
room and listen to your classical records.

Perhaps Peter and the Wolf.

I know you like the Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairies.

Far out, man.

Those are our favorites.

Yeah. Them fairies
are something else.

Come, little brother.

Children, just a minute. I
want you to take my card.

We can never be too
careful in these cases.

And I want you to feel free to
call me, should the need arise.

Oh, we won't be
needing anything.

We even got a phone in the car.

Yeah. And if you don't have
anything to do yourself sometime,

you can give us a buzz.

Come, little brother.

It was a pleasure
meeting you, Ms. Aimsly.

For me, likewise.

Come.

A very civilized
person, isn't she?

A wonderful human being.

Aren't they adorable?

Yes. And you've
coached them very well.

Now, then, Mr. Drummond, I have a
couple of questions I'd like to ask you.

Yes?

You also have a
teenage daughter.

Kimberly. She's 13.

She's at boarding school,
but she comes home weekends

to keep me from using the phone.

Now, then, Mr. Drummond, I
understand you're a widower.

And when it comes
to women, do you...

Yes, I do.

Well, the boys seem to
be getting along just fine.

And frankly, I'm surprised.

Why should you be?

Well, it's been my observation

that white children are
usually happier in white families,

and black children
with black families.

Oh, really? Mmm-hmm.

But then it just might be that
money can buy happiness.

It must be nice to be L-O-D-I-D.

It's true. I do have money, but I
really care a lot for those boys.

Good. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Mrs. Garrett, I'm a
very fortunate man.

Yeah, you sure are to have a
gem of a housekeeper like me.

I was referring to
the boys, but you, too.

Thanks.

Do you know what that social
worker was just telling me?

That it's been her observation that
black children belong with black families.

Black children what?

Black children belong
with black families!

Willis, sit up. What for?

Just sit up.

Arnold, what's the matter?

Just shut up and
give me a hanky.

Now, tell me why you're crying.

Never mind.

Oh, now, come on, Arnold.
We've always been straight.

You know, brother
to brother, right?

Yeah.

And now that Mama and Papa have
died, we got to look out for each other.

I know.

Arnold, when you hurt, I hurt.

Now, stop crying and tell
me what's bugging you.

Well...

Mr. Drummond said we
belong with a black family.

I heard him
telling Mrs. Garrett.

He said, "Black children
belong with black families."

Are you sure he said that?

I heard him. My
ears aren't painted on.

Now, why would he
say a thing like that?

You know, he likes us.
It doesn't make sense.

I wouldn't lie to you, Willis.
What I heard is what I heard.

And all the time I thought there
was one dude who was colorblind.

What are we gonna do, Willis?

Don't worry about it.

I'm your big brother
and I'll take care of it.

I'm sure glad you're
my big brother.

Me, too, short stuff.

Why would he pretend
to like us, Willis?

I guess 'cause we're the
latest fad in honky land.

What does that mean?

It means we better
get out of here

before he puts us in a jockey
suit and plants us on the front lawn.

A lovely tune.

Good evening, Mrs. Garrett.

Hi, Mr. Drummond.

Hasn't this been an
absolutely terrific day?

My, we're in an especially
good mood this evening.

And why not?

I had a wonderful day at the
office. I've got two fine boys,

and I walked home all the way through
Central Park without being mugged.

It's a little joke.

Oh, when they're that little, they
really need a magnifying glass.

Well, I'll go up and
call the boys for dinner.

Forget it. They've
already eaten.

What?

Yes. They went out and
bought pizza and beans.

Went out and bought? Yes, sir.

The only one who ever walked out
on my cooking was my ex-husband.

And that was only because
I tried to poison him.

Now, that's a joke.

I think I better have
a talk with the boys.

Oh, by the way, that social
worker called three times.

Her number's on the pad there.

I wonder what she wants.

Ms. Aimsly, Philip
Drummond here.

What?

I can't believe that.

But I...

Well, yes, under
the circumstances...

Very well. I'll be
expecting you.

Ms. Aimsly is bringing a black
couple here tomorrow morning.

Oh, adopting two more children?

Why not? The more, the merrier.

Just the opposite, I'm afraid.

He ain't coming yet.

Keep looking.

What do you think he'll do
'cause we called the social worker?

He'll probably throw
a party after we leave.

Yeah. Maybe we
could leave later.

I sure hate to
miss a good party.

Uh-oh. He's coming up.

Remember now, if he don't want us here,
we'll show him we don't care. Get up there.

Good evening, fellas.

You see that, Arnold? Yeah.

What's so funny, guys?

The whites are attacking the
Indians, and the Indians are winning.

Oh, man, talk
about a fast haircut.

Oh. Oh.

Willis, I understand that you called
that social worker this afternoon.

Yeah, I had a
chat with the lady.

And just what did you tell her?

I thought we'd be better
off with a black family.

In case you hadn't
noticed, we're black.

But you were happy this morning.
I mean, what's the problem?

It's just that things
ain't working out.

You know, man, blacks belong with
black and whites belong with white.

Unless you happen to be a zebra.

I don't understand.

I thought you liked it here.

Why do you want to leave?

'Cause we'd like it
better somewhere else.

I see.

Well...

All I want to do is what's best
for you guys 'cause I love you.

But if that's the
way you want it...

A black couple's coming here
tomorrow morning to see you.

Good night, boys.

Well, I guess we told the man.

Yeah.

For a guy who don't want us to stay,
he sure is pretending like he does.

Yeah. You know, if he wanted us
to stay, he would have tried harder.

But he didn't say one
word about us staying.

He sure can put on a good act.

This is a tough
world we live in, Willis.

There's only two people we
can trust, and that's you and me.

Right.

And sometimes, I
ain't so sure about you.

Come on, Mr. Drummond,
cheer up. Eat your breakfast.

I hardly slept a wink all night,
thinking about those kids.

How can I eat?

It's easy. You take
your little forkie-poo,

and then you stick
it in the eggie-poo,

and then you put it
in your mouthie-poo.

That makes me sickie-poo.

I still can't understand
why the boys want to leave.

Just tell me one
thing that I did wrong.

Well, sometimes,
you're a little overbearing,

and you can be a perfectionist,

and you can be very demanding.

I only asked for one thing.

Wait, that was the bad
news. Now, for the good news.

I could use some.

Well, you're very
kind and loving.

And you make a wonderful father.

You really think so?

Oh, yeah.

Besides, look at
what they've got here.

I'm telling you, these kids
are living in the lap of luxury.

Confidentially, this place would make
the greatest garage sale in history.

What's a garage sale?

"What's a garage sale?"
Now, that's what I call rich.

Oh, believe me, Mr. Drummond,

that black couple's gonna
have to be something else

before those boys will give
up all this and leave you.

Thanks, Mrs. Garrett, you really cheered
me up. Now, all I feel is miserable.

I'll get it.

Good morning, Ms.
Aimsly. Please, come in.

Thank you.

Please, come in. Thank you.

Mr. Drummond, this is the
couple I was telling you about.

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.
How do you do, sir?

How do you do,
Mr. Thompson? Mrs. Thompson.

Hello. Please, sit down.

Thank you.

Charming place you
have here, Drummond.

Thank you, Thompson.

It reminds me of our
little flat in London.

Your little flat?

Oh, our main home's
on Long Island.

We use the London
place just for weekends.

May I ask what line of business
you're in, Mr. Thompson?

Well, you know all
the oil the Arabs have?

Yes.

Someone has to
sell them the barrels.

Mr. Drummond, the children.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Willis? Arnold?
Would you come down here, please?

Oh, Jeffrey, look at
the darling little one.

This darling little
one is my goldfish.

I'm the darling next size up.

Boys, I want you to meet
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.

This is Arnold.
And this is Willis.

Hello, Arnold, Willis.

Hi. How do you do?

And they're simply
marvellous boys.

I'm in love with them already.

Well, we're packed and
ready to make tracks.

Yeah, well, tell us something
about yourselves. How old are you?

Eight, trying for nine.

I'm 13. Trying
to get out of here.

Well, I know we're going to
make one big happy family.

I'm sure.

As I told you yesterday, Mr. Drummond,
black children belong with black families.

You said that?

That's right.

You said Mr. Drummond said that.

He did say it. What do
you want, an instant replay?

Hold it, boys. What did I say?

You said that black children
belong with black families.

I heard you say it.

I was standing right up there and
looking down on your bald spot.

So, that's it.

You boys started all this
because you thought...

Arnold, you little... Dummy.

Thank you, Willis.

Come here, Arnold.

Oh, Arnold, you only overheard
a part of the conversation.

I was merely repeating what this
rather opinionated lady here said.

I am not opinionated.

I was merely repeating
what the computer said.

You can tell your computer
to go suck a lemon.

Willis.

Arnold, what you did
was a very natural mistake.

I mean, sometimes people
hear a part of a conversation,

and they jump to
the wrong conclusion.

Why, when I was only nine,
I overheard my father talking,

and I was sure he
wanted to sell me.

How much did he get for you?

No, it wasn't me, it
was just some stock.

But I learned a very
important lesson.

Misunderstandings do occur.

But see, when you love someone,

well, then, you discuss it first
before you do anything about it.

Do you hear that, lame brain?

Yeah, I heard.

I guess there's only one thing
bigger than my ears. My mouth.

Mr. Drummond, will you
take me and shorty here back?

Willis, if you boys had left, I was
thinking about leaving with you.

Olivia, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Yeah, baby. It's obvious
that these boys belong here.

Black or white,
it's love that counts.

Mr. Drummond, I think I will tell
my computer to go suck a lemon.

Well, if there's any time you'd
like to come out to the island

and swim in our pool,
or go fishing off our yacht,

we'd love to have you.

Yes, we'd love to have you.

You got a swimming pool? Yeah.

And a yacht, too? Yes, indeed.

Mr. Thompson, you better
leave your name and address,

just in case.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪