Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 10 - Come Back to Me - full transcript

Bree finds out that Rex is cheating, and he has a heart attack; Susan plans to take her relationship with Mike to the next level; Lynette, suspicious of her new nanny Claire, decides to ...

Previously on Desperate Housewives...

- Zach's gone from Silvercrest.
- Hungry?


If I don't get help,
I will lose my mind.

- Where can I score some nanny? matter how hard you try...

FBI! Carlos Solis,
I have a warrant for your arrest.

...some problems...

- Sorry, you are?
- You've met Maisy Gibbons?

- She's a nightmare.
- Maisy loves to rule her kingdom.

You are unhappy with our sex life.

You're not getting something
but are afraid to ask.

...can't be easily solved.

To understand Maisy Gibbons,

you first need to know
how she spent her afternoons.

Her mornings were spent
running errands for her husband.


Her evenings were spent
helping with homework.

OK, so, nine plus one is...

But her afternoons,

well, they were spent
in the company of men.

Frustrated, misunderstood,

lonely men, willing to pay money
to feel a little less lonely.

And Maisy Gibbons
was willing to help them.

Maisy, I've always wondered. Nobody
knows about your little hobby, do they?

Is it hard?

- Keeping a secret like this?
- Well, maybe if it was just my secret.

But the way I see it, I keep the
secrets of every man who comes to me.

And I find that
absolutely exhilarating.

A few years back, Harold lost his job

and we had to give up our membership
at the country club.

And then one day
one of my club friends

asked why she hadn't seen me around.

I told her that
we couldn't afford it any more.

She waved it off like it was nothing,
but I saw her get that look in her eye,

that look of... pity.

Maybe she was just trying to be nice.

Anyway, is that so bad,
feeling sorry for someone?

When they say something,
they are being supportive,

but when they say nothing,

they think you're so far gone,
you're never coming back.


Anyway, a couple months later,
I started my little hobby,

and the most wonderful thing happened.

This woman's husband
became one of my regulars.


Would you be a lamb
and go out the back?

- That's my next appointment.
- Sure.

It's the husband of the woman
I was telling you about.

- Hello, there.
- Hey, Maisy.

Every morality play
has its cast of characters.

There is always an innocent victim,

a deceitful villain,

a prosecutor who seeks the truth,

a magistrate who dispenses justice

and a lawyer who charges too much.

This morality play was being produced
at the Fairview County Courthouse.

Its themes were trust and betrayal.

So what's your issue with bail
in this case, Ms McCready?

We want bail denied, Your Honour.

The company imported goods
manufactured by slave labour.

His business partner, Mr Tanaka,
has fled the country,

and Mr Solis has refused
to surrender his passport.

Dog ate your client's passport,
Mr Hartley?

It's been temporarily misplaced,

but we maintain that Kisho Tanaka set
up and executed the entire operation.

Mr Solis is no business partner
but merely a hired contractor.

I'd also like to point out
my client is the sole provider

for his wife and his mother, who is
hospitalised in a coma as we speak.

Bring me the passport
and Mr Solis can visit his mother.

Until then, your client is denied bail
and remanded. What's next?

Finish those Brussels sprouts.

I can see them
hidden under your macaroni.

I hate Brussels sprouts.

Well, Brussels sprouts help you grow.

You don't want to be short
your whole life, do you?

You know what we'll do? We're gonna dip
'em in a little cheese. Here you go.

- Good. Yummy.
- Disgusting!

Fine. Be 3'8" the rest of your life.

See if I care.
Good luck finding girlfriends.

- Didn't you have a lunch?
- I'm gonna cancel it.

The boys are in rare form,
and you're still finding your way.

Lynette, it's been two days.

I... don't want to shock them
by suddenly disappearing.

- Deep down they're very sensitive.
- That's a paper airplane.

They'll be fine. Now go.
Get out of here.

You call me if you need anything.

- I will.
- OK.

Boys! Come here and give Momma
a three-bear hug.

Come on. Whoo!
One, two, three...

Get in! Get in!

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye.

- Bye!
- OK.

Watch your hands!

I'm gonna eat upstairs.
I've got a ton of homework.

What, are you storing up for winter?

I'm just really hungry.

I talked to Dad,
and he and Brandi might break up.

Oh, how awful.

- Mom, you're smiling.
- Am I?

Anyway, he can't take me this weekend,
so I'll be home after all. Goodnight.

Great. Our romantic weekend's off.

- We can move it to my house.
- No.

Why not?

I just want it to be special.

And it can't be special at my house?

OK, I know this sounds weird, but I
just need to have my things around me.

- What things?
- Perfumes and oils.

I wanna pick out the outfit
you're gonna tear off me.

And plus I need to be
in complete control of the lighting.

OK. We'll wait till next weekend.

You are just the sweetest guy.

- I can't wait till next weekend.
- No, me neither.

I've got an early job and that's it.

My publisher's got me under the gun
for something. Friday?

- I'm re-piping a house.
- Damn Karl!

Not even married any more and
he's still keeping me from having sex.

I can't hide you in my room for ever,
and I think we need to tell my mom.

You can trust her, I promise.

You didn't tell her what I told you?

No! I would never tell anyone that.

- What are you doing?
- I don't wanna cause problems.

I'm just gonna go.

Zach, stop. Don't go.

I won't tell her.

I swear I'll be out of here soon.

I'll think of something, OK?

- Hello.
- Why are you up?

I could ask you the same question.

I'm going to bed.

I didn't ask you to wait up for me.

Remember, I'm here as our
children's father, not your husband.

What are you doing?

Were you with a woman?

Did you tell her you have a wife
or does that hinder your style?

All right, even if I was seeing
someone, I have every right to.

Exploring options
is the point of being separated.

- Options! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex.
- That's not...

Bree, you should get out there,
try and meet someone.

Meet someone?
I'm raising your children.

I am just trying
to move on with my life.

- It is nothing to be ashamed of.
- OK.

Why don't you just call up
your mystery woman and invite her over?

I'll pull out the sofa bed
and you can take her right there.

Andrew! Danielle!
Daddy's gonna fornicate for us!

Just keep your voice down.

Why? Are you feeling ashamed?

The next morning started
with a banging.

No one knew where Martha Huber was,
and Edie Britt was starting to worry.

Edie didn't like worrying.
She felt it gave her wrinkles.

So, out of concern for her face,
and Mrs Huber,

Edie decided to find out
what was going on.

Yao Lin, listen. It's very important
that we find Carlos's passport.

I already looked through his office.
I need you to search the bedroom.


With Mr Solis in jail, how you
gonna pay me? I have children.

Yao Lin,
your kids are in their twenties.

But if it'll make you shut up...

Here. Three weeks in advance.

If you don't mind,
can I call your bank?

Yao Lin, don't be stupid.
People don't become poor overnight.

That's my car. Oh, my God.


Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you taking my car?

The government's impounding it.

Call that number
if you have any questions.

Oh, my word.

You call this a paint job?

I don't want to see it again
till it's perfect!

I wonder what's going on over there.

Claire did OK yesterday. It could have
been beginner's luck. I should call.

For the first time in years
you finally have some free time,

and you're wasting it
obsessing about the kids.

I don't know this woman. So she has
a degree in sociology. Who doesn't?

My boys are a lot to handle.
What if she's not up to it?

If you really have that many doubts,
you should go buy a hidden camera.

What, a nanny-cam?

Yeah. People do terrible things
when they think no one's watching.


I couldn't tape Claire.
It would be a breach of trust.

Trust is overrated.

So... how are things with you and Rex?

Fine. Why do you ask?

I'm just curious.
He moves out, moves back in.

Is he back for good?

The situation is... fluid.
I'm not certain what his plans are yet.

So if you're not sure he's back for
good, why are you ironing his shirts?

Because I have faith that he'll come
back and that he'll do the right thing.

That's good.
It's good to have faith in people.


But I'd still buy that camera.

- Hello?
- Mike? My oven's out.

Come over and help me
find my pilot light.

Oh, candles.

Mike, is that you?

I'm up here!


- Oh, my God! Oh, God.
- What the hell?

I'm so sorry. I thought
someone was in the house.

- So you took your clothes off?
- No, I was going to seduce you.

- Didn't really work.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Are you OK?


Please don't be mad.

Hey, there.

Zach? What are you doing here?

Later that day, while Claire was out
getting the boys wired on ice cream,

Lynette did some wiring of her own.

You can't do this.
You can't send Zach back.

What else can I do?
He can't stay here.

His father sent him to a psycho ward.

Actually, they call it
a rehabilitation centre.

- What do you think?
- Paul is his father.

He has a right to know his son's OK.

If he finds out you're hiding him,
you could get in a lot of trouble.

He's right. Sorry, guys.

Don't do this. If you knew
what Zach had been through...

Julie. Julie, it's OK. I'll be fine.

I'll take him back over
so you two can...

Listen, if Paul sees Zach
and freaks out...

- I'll bring him right back.
- Thank you.

Young lady, we need to talk
about what you did.

I don't feel like
talking to you right now.

Listen, Zach...

If things ever get really bad...

It's got my cell number on it.

Give me a call... any time.


Thank God.

- How did you?
- We'll talk later.

Remember, any time.

- I heard you moved back home.
- Yeah, I had to.

We had some problems with Andrew.
I'll move out eventually.

- Spikes or pearls?
- Your choice.

You know what I think?
You don't really want to leave her.

- Don't psychoanalyse me.
- You're still in love.

- I never said I wasn't.
- Why divorce?

So now you're rooting
for us two crazy kids to work it out?

You know me.
I'm just a romantic at heart.

Scarves or cuffs?

Up to you. Even if I could
find a way to deal with

Bree's obsessive-compulsive thing,
it's not the only problem.

As you know, I have certain needs.

Boots or stilettos?

Stilettos, please.

Why don't you just tell Bree
what you need?

Tell her what you want.

- Because she'd say no.
- So?

I've said no to some things
you've asked me to do.

Yeah, that's different.
I don't care if you reject me.

Rex, would you trust me on this?

Sometimes when you love somebody,

you just gotta make sacrifices
for them.

Love or passion.
That's an awful choice to make.

Yes, it is.

I have to warn you,
this might hurt a little bit.

How am I supposed to live
without a car?

Tanaka's still at large
and they want Carlos to flip on him.

This is their way of playing hardball.
I'm guessing that they're not done yet.

- Why? What else could they take?
- Pretty much anything.

It's all fair game if they can trace it
to ill-gotten gains.

No, some of this stuff is mine, when
I modelled, before I even met Carlos.

See this? Kosta Boda. I bought it
when I landed my first cover.

This... I spent eight hours on a rock
in a bikini for that painting.

- I understand how you feel.
- You don't.

I have dug myself up from dirt
to afford these things

and no one is gonna take them away.

Then find a good hiding place.
They can't take what they can't find.

And if you can scare up
that passport, that would be good.

- Hi, Gabrielle.
- Hi.

- What have you got there?
- My china.

You've always loved it. I thought
you might wanna borrow it for a while.

Well, that's very thoughtful of you.

Say, can I store some odds and ends
in your garage?

Sure. Why don't you
come by tomorrow?

Sooner's better than later.

- Just like...
- Come on now.





I need an ambulance. Right away.


Yes, this is she.
Yes, he's my husband.

I'm here to see Rex Van de Kamp.
Apparently he had a heart attack.

He's being prepped for surgery now.

Could I at least poke my head in?
I'm his wife.

- You're his wife?
- Yes. Why?

I was thinking of a different patient.
Let me get the doctor.

As Claire prepared for bed,

she was unaware that
somewhere else in the Scavo house

the day she had just finished
was starting all over again.

Lynette was relieved to see
that Claire was doing a good job.

- After further viewing...
- Three-bear hug. dawned on Lynette...

...Claire might be doing herjob
a little too well.

Here's the candles I borrowed.


I'm trying to read, if you don't mind.

I cannot believe, after everything
you did, you're mad at me.

I told Zach that he could trust you
and you turned him in.

Well, someone had to be responsible.

Like it or not, I've got a birth
certificate that says I'm your mother.

- Since when?
- What is that supposed to mean?

Since Dad left, if there's been
a mother here, it's been me.


After the divorce you stayed in bed
for a week and I had to beg you to eat.

Yeah, but...

I had to clean the house,
make sure the bills were paid,

even schedule
my doctor's appointment.

- I was in bad shape back then.
- It's still going on.

And now that I need some support,
you decide to play the mom card?

I had to send Zach back. We could
have gotten in a lot of trouble.

Now Zach's the one who's in trouble.

You sent him back to a man
who hates him.

As Gabrielle considered the vast
emptiness of her new surroundings,

she was surprised to find there was
only one thing she truly missed...

...her husband.

We have a warrant to enter your house

and repossess any goods we suspect
may have been obtained... illegally.

We're not into clutter.

All right. Harvey The Flying Turtle.
Doesn't this look fun?

- Where's Claire?
- I gave her the afternoon off.

- Who wants to turn pages?
- Is she sick?

No. I just wanted us all to spend
the day together, like we used to.

Here we go. "Once upon a time
there was a young turtle named Harvey."

"Harvey told the other turtles 'I'm
going to fly off and see the world."'

"The other turtles said
'Turtles can't fly!"'

It's getting good now, huh?

- Well, what's wrong?
- Claire does funny voices.

Does she, now? OK.

"Harvey didn't like
the turtles laughing so he told them

'I'll show you!
I will fly higher than the birds."'

- That's not funny.
- Yeah, well, I'm just warming up.

"Bruno, the big bad turtle, took Harvey
up on the cliff and threw him over."

"He proclaimed 'We'll see if
you can fly! Fly or die! Fly or die!"'

When's Claire coming back?

What happened to your nails?

I moved all our stuff
to keep it from the Feds.

It kills me that
I'm putting you through this.

Hands on the table.

It's not your fault.
You didn't do anything wrong.

I'll take care of everything
until you're back to do it yourself.

And you will be soon.

I gotta be honest. I didn't know
how you would hold up.

I knew you were a strong woman,
but I had no idea.

You're a good wife, Gaby.
A real partner.

Carlos, I love you so much.

I would give up
a houseful of expensive junk

just to put this behind us
and have you home with me.

That sounds pretty good right now.

- I'm gonna kiss my husband now.
- Hands on the table.

There's a false panel
on the back wall of my closet.

My passport is there,
along with some papers.

Take the passport to the lawyer
and burn the papers.

Carlos, did you know
what Tanaka was doing?

Just burn the papers.

Hey, Lynette. Did Martha Huber leave
a spare key to her house with you?

No. Where is she, by the way?
I haven't seen her in days.

You got me. She kicked me out so fast
that I forgot my laptop,

and there's just some stuff on there
that I don't want anyone else to see.

Well, good luck with that.

You're not looking half bad. What
have you done with your little posse?

- They're with the new nanny.
- Wow. Your own personal nanny?

Smell you.

Trust me,
it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Our mothers didn't get us nannies
or put us in daycare

because they knew
if they did we'd find out

there are other women out there
who were better mothers than they were.

I had a nanny for a while growing up.

- Mrs Muntz.
- You had a nanny?

Well, actually, she was more like
a court-appointed social worker.

My mom did a little time. She had
a thing for bourbon and... shoplifting.

- Sorry.
- Muntz was a hard-ass. No mercy.

In fact, she was such a disciplinarian
that when my mom made parole,

I was actually happy to see her.


Yeah. Lesser of two evils.

Anyway, I gotta find a key.

- See you later.
- Bye.

Thanks for your help with Zach before.

It's my pleasure.
I hope he comes out of this OK.

He's a little squirrelly,
but he seems like a good kid.


So, how's Julie taking all this?

Not well. She accused me
of not being a good mother.

No, you're a great mom.

Well, she was sort of right.

After my divorce,
I really leaned on her a lot.

Seems natural.

And I still kinda do it.

I just want somebody
to talk to about all my adult stuff,

and she's right there,
and she just acts so mature,

I forget she's thirteen.

Well, the good news is
that from now on,

if you ever want to talk to somebody
about grown-up stuff, you got me.

I can't talk to you about everything.

What if I want to talk about
the big crush I have

on the plumber
that lives across the street?

- Big crush, huh?
- Yeah.

Well, you'd have to tell me more.

Well... he's got a smile
that's to die for.

And don't get me started
on his tattoo.



What a nice surprise.

Would you like to come in?

Well, that depends.

Are you having an affair
with my husband?

- Would you like some more potatoes?
- You already asked me that.

Sorry. I'm so relieved you're safe,
I'm not thinking straight.

Does that mean you're not gonna
send me back to Silvercrest?

You've gotta understand,
your behaviour, the violence,

breaking into the Van De Kamps...

I just didn't know
what you were going through.

You could have asked me.


I've been remembering things.

Things from when I was little.

- What kind of things?
- Awful things.

Zach, listen to me. Sometimes
it's not good to look back on the past.

But I can't help it. These images
just keep popping into my head.

You've got to find a way
to push them back out again.


More potatoes?

Yes, please.

Sure is nice to be back to normal.

You should know that Rex
still loves you... very much.

- He said that?
- Yes.

Then why is he so unhappy?

He has certain needs, and he's afraid
to discuss them with you.

Needs? Like sexual needs?


And have you fulfilled those needs?

I see.

You are pretty brazen
for a woman who just admitted,

however tacitly, that she just slept
with my husband.

If I told anyone,
they would never speak to you again.

You're not gonna tell a soul.

Yeah, you may hate me, but you'd hate
the humiliation a lot more.

I don't hate you, Maisy.

I pity you.

- Hi.
- Hey, Lynette.

- You heading out now?
- Yep.

I'll be home late,
so just the usual routine.

- A nap for Penny and...
- No sugar after five. I got it.

You're the best.

One more thing. Since the boys
are having corndogs for dinner,

I'd like you to make sure
they get a vegetable to go with it.

- Brussels sprouts?
- They're full of iron.

- Make sure they clean their plates.
- Not a problem. I have this trick.

- I cover the veggies with some cheese.
- You sly dog.

That night Lynette settled in
to watch her personal pick

for feel-good movie of the year.

You need to eat your Brussels sprouts.

- Brussels sprouts? Disgusting!
- I don't want this!

Hey! Yes, you do! Don't throw them.

- Hey! Hey, stop it!
- I hate Brussels sprouts!

You guys, stop it!

Do not throw them at me. Cut it out!



They operated, huh?

They sure did.

How'd it go?

It went well. The surgeon says
you're gonna be as good as new.

- You look like you've been crying.
- I have.

I was so afraid you were gonna die.

There's so many things
I haven't had a chance to tell you.

- I'm sorry you were so worried.
- That's OK.

How are you now, Rex?

Are you strong enough to listen
to the things I need to tell you?

Sure, hon.

I know you still love me.

Maisy told me.

She did?

As of this moment, Rex,
I am no longer your wife.

I am gonna go out and find
the most vindictive lawyer I can find,

and together
we are going to eviscerate you.

I am gonna take away your money,

your family and your dignity.

- Do you hear me?
- Bree...

And I am so thrilled
to know that you still love me.

Because I want
what's about to happen to you... hurt as much
as is humanly possible.

I'm so glad you didn't die
before I got a chance to tell you that.

Trust is a fragile thing.

- Bye, guys!
- Bye, Mom!

Once earned,
it affords us tremendous freedom.

But once trust is lost,
it can be impossible to recover.

Of course, the truth is,
we never know who we can trust.

Those we're closest to can betray us.

Police, open up!

And total strangers
can come to our rescue.

In the end, most people
decide to trust only themselves.

It really is the simplest way

to keep from getting burned.