Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 20 - Tornado Watch - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Okay, y'all now, I need you

to say happy birthday
to my grandma.

Say "Happy
Birthday, Mother Hog."

No way.

I'll say it.

Happy Birthday, Mother Hog
and many, many happy returns.

Oh, that's great, great.
Thanks, she'll love it.

Okay, Julia, it's your
turn. It's your turn.

Charlene.

I'm not going sing
any more songs.



I'm not going to dance.
I'm not going wave.

I'm not even looking
up and that's final.

Now, I just need one more thing.

Now, it's Lois and Shimmy
Boyt's 50th wedding anniversary.

You know my mama
was Lois' maid of honor.

They're all going to
be at my grandma's.

Now, so would you
mind if you could just

look at the camera and say "Happy
Anniversary, Lois and Shimmy."

Please.

Happy Anniversary,
Lois and Shimmy.

Great. Thanks. Thanks.

Now, you could have put a little
more feeling into it, you know.

But hey, it's not the Oscars.

I'm sorry, Charlene.



I tried to go inside myself

and give it all I had

Okay, Suzanne.
All right. Suzanne.

Big smile, big smile.

Happy Anniversary,
Lois and Shimmy.

No.

Suzanne, it wouldn't hurt you.

Come on.

Charlene, I am not saying it.

I don't even know who this Lois and
Shimmy whatever their names are.

Is this a white man?

Yes, he is.

What difference does it make?

I just never heard of a
white man named Shimmy.

Well, that's his name.

He happens to be one of
the nicest men in Poplar Bluff.

Now, come on. Just say it.

Oh, all right!

Happy Anniversary,
Lois and Shimmy!

Okay. Okay. That about nails it.

[phone rings]

[Mary Jo] Sugarbakers.

Hello, Mrs. Peace.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I
was just going over everything.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

By the way, where's Anthony?

He went to pick up Bernice.
She's spending the day with us.

Spending the day. Why?

Because her house
is being fumigated.

Oh, great.

It's not enough she calls
me at home every night,

now she has to come
to work with us, too.

All right. Bye-bye.

I can't stand her. I can't
stand her. I can't stand her.

If it weren't for poor old Mr. Peace,
I wouldn't even mess with her.

I mean the account doesn't
amounted to anything,

but I just feel
so sorry for him.

I mean she has got
him so beaten down,

but she wouldn't
even let him talk.

As a matter of fact,
I'm not sure he can talk.

But I guess we will
find out this afternoon

because he's coming
over here alone.

Mrs. Peace has gotten the flu.

But he's such a
sweet, shy person.

You know if he's
coming over alone,

let's do everything we
can to bolster his ego.

You know make
him feel like a man.

Oh, Charlene, get real.

We're a decorating business.

I mean it's not my job

to help some little
henpecked nerd feel manly.

Anyway, I said "Happy
Anniversary, Lois and Shimmy."

I think that is
enough for one day.

Right, we wouldn't
want you to get a hernia

from too much kindness.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Vanessa, come on in.

I just brought these
books by for Anthony.

How's your new
job at the library?

Oh, it's fantastic.

Listen if ya'll want to
check out any books,

just let me know.

I can get anything you
want, and they're free.

Well, thank you
very much, Vanessa.

We'll keep it in mind.

Right now, I'm
reading Moby Dick.

I thought that title
sounded interesting,

but turns out it's about a fish.

But let me tell you, it is good.

Oh, excuse me.

Aah!

I'm looking for the
Sugarbakers Design Firm.

Oh!

How y'all doing, little lady?

I bet you don't even
remember me, do you?

We most certainly do
remember you, Mr. Jones.

We don't usually forget the people
who put our loved ones in the hospital.

- What did he do?
- Well, we went on
a canoeing weekend,

and he and his sons got in a fight with
Bill and J.D. and Reese and Anthony.

You kidding? You better
not be messing with my man.

Hold on, little girl.

I just come in time
to pay a traffic ticket.

And I just thought I'd drop by
and apologize to these little ladies.

Me and my boys, we
were just having a little fun.

We wouldn't hurt nobody.

Oh, that's different.

Well, I guess I
better get going now.

And remember, a mind
is a terrible thing to waste.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

And thank you for
stopping by, Mr. Jones.

Goodbye and good luck.

Please, call me Daddy.

All right. Goodbye. Daddy.

The reason I'm here I
just might as well invest

in a real nice
piece of furniture.

I'm sorry, we don't sell
furniture. Just knick-knacks.

You ain't got none of
them knotty pine tables

with the high
gloss on it, are you?

No, I'm sorry we don't.

You don't know where I might
be able to get one, do you?

No, I don't. Maybe in the woods.

All right, do you mind if I
use your telephone book?

I got to get a birthday
present for my son-in-law.

Oh, you're kidding. How is Nub?

Charlene.

You want to borrow
my phone book?

Well, thank you, little lady.

Y'all, what's happening?

Hi, Bernice.

Boy, that wind is
blowing so hard out there.

Blew a couple
of stop lights out.

Yes, but not to
worry. I got us through.

Mm-hmm. She hung out the
window blowing her rape whistle.

Listen, I really appreciate

you all getting me out
of my apartment today.

You know they say too much of
that bug spray can make you go crazy.

And I figure I haven't got a
real wide margin for error.

Who's the old man?

Oh, he's just borrowing
the telephone book.

Cute.

Julia, what is he doing here?

I'll tell you later.

Bernice, can I make
you a cup of coffee?

Yes, you can. Cream no sugar.

And please don't screw it up.

I tell you, I am so glad

to be able to do
nothing for a change.

They just won't leave you
alone in that retirement village.

You have to take
a cooking class,

start a garden, make a macrame
belt, and learn to tole paint.

And today, they tried to make me

take a pottery class again.

Hell, I'm a housewife.
I'm not a potter.

Why is it that just
because you get old,

all of a sudden you're supposed
to be able to make stuff?

I made two pots.

I couldn't work the wheel.

Neither one of them got tall.

And now I'm stuck with a couple

of gladiator breast plates.

Bernice, this is incredible.

You're incisive and witty
like your on Johnny Carson.

It's the new blood
pressure medicine.

I think it flipped on a
couple of extra switches.

Oh, excuse me, little lady.

I just couldn't help overhearing
your retirement problems.

You know back down in my
part of the woods down there,

they've been trying to get
me to do the square dancing.

I said no way, José.

When I go out, I'm
going out my own way,

and it ain't for squares.

What kind of dancing do you do?

Ask her. She knows.
I've danced with her.

You have?

Well, it's just for one evening.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, just so my day
won't be a total waste,

what about me and you going down
to one of them little pancake houses

and have lunch?

Who are you?

Daddy Jones.

I bet you can call me Daddy.

Oh, I like that.

Well, excuse me, Daddy.

I mean Mr. Jones. First of
all, do you remember me?

I sure do. You're
a really fine fellow

and a really fine fighter.

Well, thank you,

but Miss Clifton is
spending the day with us.

Not anymore.

Bernice, come here.

Bernice, you're not
going. Now that's it.

Oh, I see. You're jealous.

Because you dated him
once and now he wants me.

Bernice, be serious.

He's just a
little old hillbilly.

I mean what would you be
interested in him for anyway?

I think he's cute.

And besides, he's the same
age as all the guys you date.

Bernice, you are so funny today.

Charlene, I think
we've covered that.

Let's try to keep up.

Anthony, why don't you
take them in the van?

That way you'll be in charge.

Hot dog! You do the driving,

and I'll play my mouth organ.

Boy, I don't like
the sound of that.

♪♪ [harmonica]

Anthony, the good
fairy will reward you

at the end of the month.

All I can say is

the good fairy better
bring heavy tidings.

If we're not home before
dark, don't wait up for us.

You behave
yourself now, Bernice.

All right. All right this way.

Big smiles. Big smiles.

Thanks so much, Carolyn.

All right. Bye-bye.

You're the car pool today?

No, it's Carolyn Staley.
She's going to take over

Claudia and Quint over to
her house. It looks so bad out,

I didn't want them
to be home alone.

Oh, hello.

Well, Mr. Peace.

I didn't really expect you to
show up in all this weather.

Oh, that's okay. I don't mind.

This is the first time I've been
anywhere alone in months.

Maybe years.

It's kind of invigorating.

All that rain and
flooded streets,

and I got through all by myself.

I'm almost heady with adventure.

Is Mrs. Peace
feeling any better?

Well, it's hard to tell.

Actually, Mrs. Peace hasn't felt
well since we were married in 1959.

Well, I'm glad that
you're feeling adventurous

because I've got some
new wallpaper samples

to show you for the den.

Well, you know just
some alternatives to brown.

Oh, I don't know.

I'll be afraid to go with
anything but brown.

That's Mrs. Peace's
favorite color.

I know, but these
are just ideas,

and maybe if there's
something you like,

we could talk her into it.

Wow.

You're strong.

Mr. Peace, would you like
some coffee? A cup of tea?

Oh, yes, but I can get it.

Oh, don't be silly.
It's no trouble.

It's my pleasure. Tea?

- Oh, please.
- Cream?

Oh, no, no, no. That would
be way too much trouble.

No, it's not.

Especially not for
you. How about sugar?

Sugar? Well, sure. If
you're sure it's okay.

Oh, good grief, just
fix the damned tea.

Suzanne.

[phone rings]

Sugarbakers.

Oh, hi, Colonel.

Charlene, it's your husband.

Oh, excuse me. Just one minute.

Oh, listen.

I can just finish this up.

I'm not used to having
anyone wait on me.

Well, that's fine.
Just help yourself.

The cream?

Oh, it's in the fridge.

You're kidding.

Just a minute.
Bill's at the base.

He says about six tornadoes
have been spotted around Atlanta.

Listen.

You're about to make
a serious mistake.

Now, this is the cream.

And that is mother's milk which
she expressed for her daughter.

I know 'cause I've had some.

Well, my gosh.

I didn't mean to get
into anything like this.

Boy, this has been
an exciting afternoon.

Kind of fraught with danger.

Makes you wonder what's
going to happen next.

Okay, honey. We will.

We'll be careful. Okay.
I love you, too. Bye.

I hope you won't not take
this the wrong way when I say

that you all have some awfully
good-looking women working around here.

Including yourself.

Well, thank you so
much, Mr. Peace.

We're flattered.

Oh, please. Just call me Elmer.

Okay, Elmer.

Now, what do you
want to look at first?

I think I'd like to
see something in red.

[Male Newscaster]
This is just in.

Another tornado has
reportedly been sighted

on the south side of Atlanta

and the college park area.

Many of the streets are
flooded and numerous power

and phone line are down
on the north side of the city.

Boy, can you believe it?

That's where I live.

Now I won't even be
able to call Florence.

I will not be able to get home
with my boys, but that's okay.

But now I can spend more
time with my new honey.

I sure wish we had a basement.

Maybe I should get Olivia.

We all should
drive to a shelter.

Charlene, didn't you hear?

You can't go out.
Don't you get it?

We are stuck here on
this big ship of fools.

Maybe for the entire evening.

I cannot believe

that this old man shows
up in the middle of a tornado.

I mean, do we
have the worse luck

of any people I know or what?

I say we should just call

big old paddy wagon and
have them all picked up.

I'm telling you he has got

some moonshine up in his truck

and he and Bernice
have been into it.

They were spiking
their Cokes at lunch.

And what's more? They
are now a serious item.

We're talking
hand-holding and giggling.

She was sitting on
his lap in the van.

And they were
hanging out the window.

He's playing that harmonica,

and she's blowing
that rape whistle.

It was embarrassing.

Daddy, if you need me,

I'll be in the bathroom
working on my hair.

All right, sugar.

Oh, my. What's all this?

Oh, my. There are
some good songs here.

"Sitting On The
Dock of the Bay,"

"Party Girl," "Hound Dog."

Where did these come from?

Oh, well, they're from
Bill's bachelor party.

You know, Julia just wanted
me to bring some music over

for Reese's birthday
party tomorrow.

Oh, hooh!

I'll be putting on
my dancing shoes.

What do you say, old buddy?

Let's you and me
go out to my truck.

And check on that
transmission fluid.

Now, that sounds good to me.

Oh, let me just tell the girls.

Girls, we're going
to go outside.

Okay.

Listen, if my wife calls,

just tell her that
I'm in conference.

[laughs]

No, you better not tell her
that. She might get mad.

Just tell her I'm not here.

I wouldn't worry
about it, Elmer.

I don't think she
can even get through.

Oh, right. It's the first night

that we've been
apart in 31 years.

You know what I've
got to say about that.

The old bull is
finally out of the barn!

That's right.

You know, I'm kind
of like that tornado.

It's an all-points bulletin.

Watch out.

[both laugh]

I don't know if
we are safe here.

Elmer's libido seems to
be picking up momentum.

Why, listen to that wind.

You know, I'm going to move Olivia
and Mrs. Philpotts out of the storm.

I don't like them
being upstairs.

Hey, that's a good
idea. I'll help you.

Vanessa.

Look at you, girl.
You're drenched.

Well, we've got to get
you out of these clothes.

Oh, Anthony, you're terrible.

Oh!

I don't mean it that way.

Julia?

Upstairs in my closet.

Thank you.

Just pick what you like.
My house is your house.

In fact, my house
belongs to the whole city.

Tell all your friends.

Oh, by the way,

there are two guys outside
drinking out of the gas can.

Gee!

I wonder who that could be.

- ♪♪ [party music]
- What are they saying?

Severe tornado warning

from now up until 11:00 tonight.

All of Atlanta and
Southern Georgia.

Where is Mr. Peace?

If you're referring to Elmer,

I believe he's in the
upstairs bathroom

putting a cold rag on his
face where I slapped it.

You slapped Mr. Peace?

Yes, I hated to do it,

but he tried to put his
tongue down my throat.

I know it's the first good
time he's had in 31 years,

but, you know, enough is enough.

Julia, are you sure you want
to cut up Reese's birthday cake?

Oh, it's all right.

Reese won't mind. I'll
get another one tomorrow.

It just will not have
his name on it.

Julia.

If you don't want us to
dance, well, we will not.

Don't be silly, Anthony.

I don't mind your dancing.

Anyway, somebody's
got to keep an eye

on Daddy Jones and Bernice.

I don't ever want to see anything
like that in my home again.

Yeah, I never heard of
the funky bird, though.

I think he made that one up.

Speaking of Reese's birthday,

what happened to the
gifts that were on your desk?

I was going to put
them away for you.

Well, I don't know. They were
there the last time I looked.

Oh, I saw that Elmer guy go
upstairs with some presents.

Oh, my Lord. He
thinks he's Prince.

I can't believe it.

[Charlene] I can't
believe that's Mr. Peace.

He was so sweet and shy.

I can't believe that's the birthday
present I bought for Reese.

♪♪ [continues]

[Julia] You bought Reese
bikini underwear for his birthday.

Reese would never wear that.

Well, I got the robe, too.

- He will hate that.
- It was on sale.

I bought the yachting cap.

That is very nice.

Thank you.

Oh-oh, look.

Free at last. Free at last.

Hey, Elmer.

That's a real racy-looking
outfit you got on you.

What the hell is it?

Oh, ladies.

Come, share my life.

Walk with me. Talk with me.

Get serious.

Mr. Peace, don't you think

you ought to just
lie down for a while?

Okay.

Would you lie down with me?

Oh, good heavens.

I'm going to go check on Livvie.

You know a tornado's going to
come through here in any minute

and blow that little
thing right off of you.

I doubt this underwear
could blow off.

It's pretty binding.

I believe we better
get some food into him.

Look here, Mr. Peace.

We've got some cake for you.

I don't believe it.

I didn't even know
it was my birthday.

Would you look at this?

Happy Birthday, Peace. Oh.

This is the happiest
night of my life.

I think I'm going to cry.

You know, to tell you the truth,

I think I'm going to be sick.

I guess I shouldn't have
drunk so much of that gasoline.

[sirens blare]

Oh, my gosh.

Is that what I think?

Ain't no time to
think, little lady.

- Hit the deck.
- Geronimo.

Oh, boy.

[slap]

- Ouch!
- Get off!

You know, you hear
about this kind of thing,

but until it happens to you,
you don't actually believe it.

Well, I'll tell you, that
was one heck of a tornado.

I'm talking about the party.

Is it just me,

or does it seem to you
all that we're like some sort

of magnet that
attracts odd people?

Don't limit it to odd
people. Let's face it.

If we were living
in Bible times,

we'd be the first ones

hit by plague,
pestilence, and locusts.

And Charlene will be the
first one making money of it.

Julia, I told you it
wasn't the money.

It was my first big
break as a filmmaker.

Hey, look.

There it is again.

I can't believe this is all over
the world every 30 minutes.

[Male Newscaster]
And the $500 prize

for this week's CNN news hound

goes to Charlene
Stillfield, who took this film

in the aftermath of the tornado

which ripped through
Sugarbakers Design Firm,

destroying inventory
and a portion of the roof.

The rest of Atlanta and the
surrounding areas remained unscathed.

Party! Party! Pary!

[Female Newscaster] Boy, from
the looks of these pictures, Bob,

I have to wonder what
these ladies design.

[Male Newscaster] Carol, we
have in our studio a tornado expert,

Dr. James Knot.

Dr. Knot, what are the
odds that seven tornadoes

copuld tear through a
city in a single afternoon

- and only strike one building?
- Wait. Wait. Ha ha ha!

[Dr. Knots] Well, Fred,
it's highly unusual.

I would have to say the
chances of that happening

to one domicile about the
same as having your car struck

by falling debris
from an airplane.

[Male Newscaster] Well, at least
it didn't put a damper on the party.

Police also confiscated

four gallons of moonshine liquor