Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 2 - One Night with You - full transcript

♪♪

As I'm sure you know, Charlotte,

Project Literacy is
a wonderful cause.

I myself was shocked to find out

that there are 60 million
people in this country

who don't know
how to read or write.

Well, I'm sorry you don't think

it's important enough
to come up with $5,000.

That's all right, Charlotte.

Just forget it. You
should save your money

and get some of that
hair on your back taken off.



Boy, Suzanne, don't you think
you're getting a little rough?

Really. For somebody who's
supposed to be collecting for charity,

you've been insulting
people all morning.

Well, I'm sorry,

but you have to insult
and shame these people.

They're old rich,

and that's the only way
to get anything out of them.

Suzanne, you don't have
to explain the old rich dust.

We've been in a few homes.

We don't spend all our
time at the bowling alley.

I know that, Mary Jo.

I'm just explaining some
of the subtle differences

that you might not pick
up on unless of course,

you were born to
that sort of thing.



Well, for someone
who was born to it,

you certainly have been
getting the shaft all morning.

Charlene, I cannot
believe that you have eaten

almost that entire
jar of peanut butter.

Well, I'm sorry, Suzanne. I
happen to be eating for two.

Well, I happen to
be eating for myself,

and I wanted that.

Well, then have at it.

You know, Suzanne, since
you're having so much trouble

collecting money
for your benefit,

I might be able to help you out.

You? How?

Well, I know a few people

who think this is
a very good cause.

Charlene, we're talking
major donations here.

They wouldn't be
able to actually attend

or anything, you know.
They're out of state.

Oh, out of state, you
mean like Poplar Bluff

and the Ozarks?

I was thinking more of Arkansas.

Arkansas! Oh, well,
why didn't you say so?

Arkansas! That's different.

Who do you know in Arkansas
that's gonna give me $5,000?

I didn't say they would.
I said that I would ask.

You know, I used to work

at the state capitol
in Little Rock.

I got to know some
people. I could call Mr. Sam.

Mr. Sam. He
certainly sounds rich.

Well, yeah, he is.

Sam Walton happens to be
the richest man in America.

Charlene, where
do you get this stuff?

You think the richest
man in America

is gonna live in Arkansas?

Suzanne, where have you been?

Everybody knows

that Sam Walton is the
richest man in America

and lives in Arkansas.

Is he richer than Donald Trump?

Are you kidding?

Donald Trump couldn't even
be Sam Walton's shoeshine boy.

But like a lot of rich people,
Trump just has a great PR guy

whose job is made especially
easy by people like you

who think that nobody could
be that rich or smart or stylish

unless they live in Los
Angeles or New York.

I don't believe this.
How much is he worth?

About 9 billion dollars.

I know because I
read it in Fortune 500

in my dentist's office.

And the person next
closest to him on the list

is some, I don't know,
little old tiny DuPont

who's so far away from
Mr. Sam Walton's neighborhood,

he might as well be
living in a trailer park.

Oh, right. Charlene's good
friends with this Sam Walton,

and I just never heard about it.

Well, you know, Charlene
is a modest person.

She doesn't like to
brag. I knew about it.

Just let me know if
you want me to call him.

I'll call Fred Smith too.

Is the founder of
Federal Express,

also bubbling right under
the top Fortune 500?

He and Charlene go way back.

And if you want, I
guess I can call Win too.

As in Rockefeller. No
explanation necessary.

Okay. Fine. Sounds good to me.

Why don't you call them all?

And as long as you're at it,

you may as well call everybody
you know on Hee Haw too.

They make a lot of
money, and then if you want,

you can even get
me a keynote speaker.

Well, I happen to
have the perfect person,

Bill Clinton.

Who's Bill Clinton?

The governor of Arkansas.
Charlene knows him.

Your benefit is
for literacy, right?

Well, that is his specialty.

He is known as the
education governor.

I will call him at
the mansion tonight.

All right, the mansion.

I don't know what
you all are up to

but you're up to something

'cause you're just
messing with me.

What ya'll talking about?

Don't anybody say
anything. I'll tell her.

Julia, who do you think the
richest man in America is?

The richest man in
America is Sam Walton.

He's a friend of Charlene's.

You all rehearsed this
ahead of time, didn't you?

I suppose you also know
that there's a Rockefeller

who lives in Arkansas.

Oh, yes. Win Rockefeller.

He's the son of Winthrop.

His father used to be governor.

Bill Clinton is governor now.

They're all friends
of Charlene's.

Sure.

Charlene is friends with
governors and Rockefellers,

and somehow, nobody
thought to even tell me about it.

Well, we just assumed you knew.

You know, Charlene doesn't
go around talking all the time

about her rich and
powerful friends.

She likes for people
to like her just for her.

You all are doing
this to me on purpose.

I don't know why,
but for some reason,

ya'll are trying
to drive me crazy

like that movie Gas Stove.

Suzanne, it's Gaslight.

That's right, Suzanne.

We're trying to give you
the old gas stove treatment.

Well, I'll just be putting
this stuff in the store room.

Hey. What's going on?

Oh, Anthony, who's the
richest man in America?

Oh, that's easy. Sam Walton.

How's he getting
along, Charlene?

Just fine, Anthony. Thank
you so much for asking.

Excuse me. I'm Albert Callaway,

and I must say, from
the description given me,

you must be Miss Sugarbaker.

Yes, I am.

Was there something you wanted?

Yes.

I have a proposition
to discuss with you,

but it's of a rather
delicate nature.

Is it all right?

Oh, sure. I guess.

You see, I work for a
philanthropic organization

here in Atlanta called
Make a Dream Come True.

Oh. I've seen y'all on the news.

You do things for kids
with terminal illnesses.

That's right.

If a child has a lifelong
dream about something,

then we try to make
that something happen.

But this week, we got
a rather unusual request

from a gentleman
here in Atlanta.

We had to turn him
down because, number 1,

we don't deal with
adults, and, number 2,

we don't take romantic requests.

What's this have to do with me?

Well, you must understand.

I'm only passing
on this information

in an unofficial capacity,

and you can do with
it whatever you want.

Okay.

It seems this gentleman,
who has a terminal illness,

some sort of rare lymphoma.

Anyway, he was a classmate
of yours in high school.

I've met him and found
him to be very pleasant,

unassuming and sincere.

I don't know what your
romantic situation is,

nor is it any of my business.

But I will tell you that
his special request

and last dying wish is to
spend one night with you.

Okay. This is
another joke. Right?

I don't know how it ties in
with all the Arkansas stuff,

but for some reason, you all
are trying to drive me insane

or run me out of the
business or something.

Oh, Suzanne,
don't be ridiculous.

We didn't know
anything about this.

That is so romantic and sad.

Well, hasn't he
ever been married?

No. According to him,

he's always been in love
with Miss Sugarbaker.

Well, at least that
part's believable.

So what's this guy's name?

Um, Donald Stillman.

Donald Stillman.

No. I don't remember anybody
in high school by that name.

Well, I must admit, he
looks older than you.

Yes. Well, almost everyone does.

Of course, now, I couldn't
spend the night with him

because that's absurd,

but I would be happy to give
him an autographed picture.

You have to excuse me.

I seem to have left
the piece of paper

with Mr. Stillman's
address and phone number

out in the car.

Oh, that's a good idea.

You can just leave
the address with me,

and I'll mail the
picture to him.

Oh, Suzanne.

That's incredible to be
some guy's last dying request.

Of course, I guess that
happens to you all the time

with all the men you date
out at the nursing home.

This whole thing
sounds a little odd.

Nevertheless, if this person
is actually dying, Suzanne,

I don't think you can send
him an autographed picture.

Yeah, you're right.
I guess I should...

I can give him one
of those ribbons

from the old beauty
pageants, you know,

I mean, he'd probably like that.

That isn't what I meant.

Well, what do you
suggest I do, Julia,

spend the night with him?

Suzanne, nobody thinks
you should spend the night...

Donald Stillman does.

Charlene, please.

I'm just saying that if somebody
I went to high school with

was now dying and his last wish

was to spend some time with me,

I think I would
call him up at least

and meet him for
a cup of coffee.

Here we are.

I hope you won't
feel any obligation

to meet Mr. Stillman
if you don't want to.

I just wanted to pass
on the information.

Well, thank you, Mr. Callaway.

Oh, please, call me Albert.

All right. You can
call me Suzanne.

Suzanne?

I thought your name was Julia?

Oh, no. I'm Suzanne.

Julia is my sister.

Is it my sister,
Julia Sugarbaker,

that Mr. Stillman wants
to spend the night with?

Oh, dear. I'm afraid so.

I didn't realize there
were two of you.

I've made a terrible mistake.

Oh, no. Don't worry about it.

It's no problem. It
can be corrected.

Julia, I think this is for you.

Well, I finally found
that other annual.

This one's from our senior year.

Even if Donald didn't
belong to any organizations,

he should still have a
photo in the class composite.

Look here. Here's his name.

There he is. Donald Stillman.

No photo available.

I cannot believe this.

We've been through three annuals
and not one single photograph.

What is the matter
with this guy?

Does he not show up on film?

I'll ask him about that tonight.

Julia, are you sure

you want to have
dinner with this man?

I mean, for all we know,
he's a mass murderer.

Mary Jo, his name
is in the annual,

which means I went
to school with him.

I'm driving my own car.

We're meeting at the most
expensive restaurant in Atlanta.

I would hardly call
that dangerous.

Still, I am not
real crazy about it.

Well, if I may add my
two cents, neither am I.

That is why Charlene and
Suzanne and Anthony and I

have decided to
have dinner there too.

Mary Jo, that's
positively ridiculous.

I will not hear an argument.

We have made up our minds.
You don't know this man.

This is an odd
request. And this way,

Anthony will be there
in case you need him.

What does Reese
say about all this?

Reese is in Memphis
taking a deposition.

Did you tell him that you're
having dinner with a dying man

who wants to spend
the night with you?

Yes, I did.

And what did he say?

He said we're all dying.

Well, Julia, you may
be interested to know

that I just ran into
Trish Weddington

at the beauty shop.

Even though she's just a
year behind you in school,

she has a lot more lines,
you know, right through here.

Anyway, she says that she
thinks she remembers a man

by the name of Donald Stillman,

and he wore big thick glasses
and was a complete nerd.

Oh, then it's probably
just as well he's dying.

You don't have to be sarcastic.

I'm just trying to warn you.

She also told me to tell you

that Janie Bartlett
has gotten so huge,

they even did
liposuction on her elbows,

and Nelda Cageside's husband

has become a
complete homosexual.

Well, thank you, Suzanne.

And please thank
Trish when you see her.

Now I'm going upstairs

to look for something
to wear tonight

unless, of course, one of
y'all wants to come along

and give me instructions.

Wait, wait a minute now.

We're talking about a
condemned man here

who's looking for the
biggest night of his life.

Now I had some
experience with this in prison

and I think you should go
with your industrial colors

and make it big and ugly.

Oh, Suzanne, by the way,

Governor Clinton has agreed
to speak at your benefit.

He's agreed to be our speaker?

Hmm-mm.

Oh, and the mayor's
office called too

because they heard
the governor was coming

and they want to know
more about the arrangements.

And there's some checks
on the desk for you too.

Checks?

Yeah. You know, from
Fred Smith and everybody.

Oh, I can't believe this.
Did you see what they sent?

Yes. Impressive.

Ya'll, I can't wait to show you.

I was at the doctor today.
I had my first sonogram,

and while they
were taking pictures,

the baby actually
started sucking its thumb.

Isn't that adorable?

Charlene, did you
see all these checks

your friends sent?

Yeah, isn't that nice?

And look, Mary
Jo, up there, see?

That's the baby's
head. Isn't that cute?

Oh, definitely a looker.

Did you know that the
mayor's office called?

They want to know all
about this Bill Clinton thing.

Well, you better get on
the phone to Arkansas.

- Where's Julia?
- She's upstairs

trying to decide
what to wear tonight.

Oh, I'm gonna go upstairs
and show her this too.

Okay. You just do that.

You run on up there
and have a good time.

Don't worry. I'll cover
the phones for you.

She's a wonderful
girl. Isn't she?

Well, I don't care what anyone
says about the New South.

It's just like that time
we went to Memphis.

I mean, anytime you
put one black man

and three well-heeled
white women together,

it's gonna look strange,
and that's all there is to it.

I wonder what's keeping Julia.

And I wonder what's
keeping Donald.

This whole thing
is so ridiculous.

I mean, for all we know,

he killed her in
the parking lot.

I didn't mean to say that
you're ridiculous, Charlene.

I think I'm gonna
have the clams.

Oh, that sounds good.

I think I'll have
whatever you're having.

And you know, then maybe later,

we can call up some more
of your friends in Arkansas.

Oh, hey, hey, look over there.

- I bet that's him.
- How do you know?

Because he just came in
alone and they're seating him.

I bet that is him.

Oooh, Trish was right.

Oooh, we're talking
major nerd alert here!

Suzanne, would you
please keep it down?

What difference does
it make if he's a nerd?

This is not The Dating Game.

All right, Charlene. I'm sorry.

You're not mad at me. Are you?

No. Don't let it happen again.

Uh, oh, here comes Julia.

Look at that.

I can't believe she
wore that dress.

Certainly not very smart.

Why? Just 'cause she's
not gonna spend the night

with a man who's dying

doesn't mean she shouldn't
give him a nice send-off.

I think Charlene makes
a very good point.

Donald?

- Yes.
- I'm Julia Sugarbaker.

I know.

Actually, I rehearsed
all these opening lines,

but you just look
so damn beautiful,

I can't say anything except
you just look so damn beautiful.

Well, I am sorry.

I thought when I saw
you I would recognize you,

but I don't.

You're gonna have to tell me

what you were
like in high school.

Well, frankly, I don't
remember me in high school.

I just remember you.

You've probably changed a lot.

No.

In fact, my head
looks exactly the same

but my body only
weighed about 80 pounds.

Your picture wasn't in
any of the yearbooks.

I know.

I never had it made
because I always thought

I looked like an unborn bird.

You, on the other hand,
had the uncanny knack

of being a cross
between Jennifer Jones

and Veronica out
of the Archie comics.

Remember her, the cool
finely-chiseled brunette?

Yes, I do.

I also remember
Jughead and Betty.

I always remember
the way you dressed,

with that black
Spanish shawl you had,

and the way you'd come
roaring into the parking lot

in that old Aston Martin.

That was my grandfather's.

And how you were the
only person in Speech 101

who'd come out for
Hubert Humphrey.

You were in that class too?

No. I wanted to be,

but public speaking
makes me throw up.

Well, um, well, Donald,
what do you do for a living?

I'm an astronomer.

What does an astronomer do?

Basically, I
measure the distance

between stars and planets.

That sounds fascinating.

Yeah. Well, we have to keep
track of who's heading for what.

I guess you could call
me an air traffic controller

with a lot of time on his hands.

That is, until recently.

Donald... Before
you say anything,

I just want to thank you, Julia,

for coming here tonight.

I didn't give any
details on the phone

because I wanted
to say this in person.

You see, all my life,
I've been afraid of things.

And since I found
out I'm gonna die,

I'm not afraid of anything.

It's crazy how it just frees you

to do all the things you
wanted to do your whole life.

It just so happens that you
were on the top of my list.

You always have been.

I hope that thing about
spending the night together

didn't offend you.

That would have
been my Mt. Everest,

but quite frankly,
I'm happy right here,

just hanging on the
side of the cliff with you.

♪♪

You know, I hate
to destroy the mood,

but back at the restaurant,

there was a man and three women

who kept staring at us,

and now they're
looking in the window.

I apologize for that.

That's my sister and
three overzealous friends

who thought you might
be some kind of a nut.

It's a pretty
accurate description.

Did you go to the prom?

Yes, I did. I went
with Loretta Garr.

You remember her?

Was she a large girl,

always had a
toothpick in her mouth?

Yeah.

You know, I thought
she'd take that toothpick out

for the prom, but
it didn't happen.

You are very funny.

I'm having an awfully good time.

Well, this is just ridiculous.

I mean, it's almost 11:00.

Julia obviously has
just lost her mind.

She looked to me like she's
having a pretty good time.

It just doesn't make any sense.

Maybe he hypnotized her.

You know, he's got
those weird eyes.

He does not. He
just has thick glasses.

Smells like garlic in here.
Who had garlic for dinner?

You did.

I can't believe you
know so much literature

and didn't join the
Shakespeare Club.

Now that was a nice club.

Yes. One of my
favorite quotes...

"When he shall die, take him,

"cut him out in little stars.

"He will make the
face of heaven so fine

"that all the world will
be in love with night.

Pay no worship
to the garish sun."

That's a good one. Isn't it?

It's perfect
especially for a man

who measures the
distance between stars.

You should make
that your epitaph.

Thank you.

I've been wanting to
do that for 30 years.

Now Donald, I have to tell you

I didn't have one qualm
about meeting you tonight.

I thought I could handle
everything perfectly.

Well, you see, I have
somebody in my life.

But to be perfectly honest,
I find you very attractive,

and I think I could be getting
into a little trouble here.

That is the nicest thing
anybody ever said to me.

I'd like us to be friends.

No. I just want to
remember this one night.

But you understand,
I can't... I know.

Then again, there's
more than one way

to spend the night together.

Yeah.

And I am interested
in every one of them.

Julia, this is your sister.

Anthony and Charlene and
Mary Jo and I are right outside.

We're tired. We're stuffed.

Our feet hurt. We
want to go home.

Now if you're in there,
being either bored to death,

or held prisoner
by this nerd maniac,

then I suggest you turn
on all the lights right now.

Otherwise, we're just
gonna be on our way

and assume that you're
a cheap little one night tart

available to every Tom, Dick
and Harry with a head cold.

Okay now. We're
watching the window.

We'll be waiting
for your signal.

Goodbye.

♪ Are the stars out tonight? ♪

♪♪

♪ I don't know if
it's cloudy or bright ♪

♪ I only have eyes ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Dear ♪