Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 13 - The First Day of the Last Decade of the Entire Twentieth Century: Part 1 - full transcript
Charlene is due on the first of January; if hers is the first baby born in the decade she wins a new car.
♪♪ [theme]
[Mary Jo] You know, I'm glad
I'm just spending a
quiet New Year's Eve
with you Bill and Charlene.
I suppose it would
have been nice
to have a date
and go to a party,
but you know, I tell
you, in this day and age,
I'm just not all that crazy
about kissing 90 strangers
on the mouth at midnight.
Which reminds me, don't
let me forget to call Reese.
He'll be three hours behind us.
You know, he always visits his
daughter in Seattle once a year.
I just wish it
weren't New Year's.
New Year's Eve is one time
I just don't like
to be unescorted.
- Well, you have Bill.
- It's not the same.
I know. Might as
well get used to it.
Someday we'll probably be
like those old widow women.
You know, you always
see a car full of them
being driven to Sunday
lunch by some little old man
who's the last surviving
elderly husband on earth.
And the women are always
just yakking their heads off,
and he's got on a little hat
with his arms just frozen
to the steering wheel
going 5 miles an hour.
Of course, there's always
the obligatory seat belt
hanging out making sparks.
Hi. Where is everybody?
Well, Anthony's taken
Bernice to run errands,
and Charlene's
taking the day off.
Well, I just heard on the radio
that the Atlanta
Chamber of Commerce
is giving away a brand-new car
to the first baby
born in the New Year.
We got to call Charlene.
Why?
Because, Julia, I need
that car for Consuela.
You know, since I didn't
get that one in Japan
and now I can't afford
to buy a new one,
I mean, what with all the
Christmas bills and everything,
this is just perfect.
Charlene can have
that... What do you call it...
Induced labor
right after midnight,
and I can buy the
car for below cost.
Suzanne, Charlene's baby
is not due for another week,
and she's certainly
not going to have it
ahead of time,
even if she could,
just to accommodate
you and your maid.
Well, Julia, you
don't understand.
Consuela's going to quit
if I don't provide her with
some form of transportation,
and I can't afford it.
Then I suggest a skateboard.
Well, I'm just going call
Charlene up and ask her myself.
[toot]
Happy New Year.
Well, Happy New Year, Bernice.
Ah, busy. Shoot.
[toot]
Happy New Year, Suzanne.
Happy New Year to you,
too, Bernice, you little fruitcake.
[Julia] Suzanne!
Oh, she knows I'm just kidding.
She loves me to call her that.
- Don't you Bernice?
- It's okay.
I would mind,
though, if, for example,
we were at the White House.
Okay, I'll remember that.
- [Mary Jo] Bernice.
- What?
Why are you wearing
your Christmas tree skirt?
Well, this is the skirt you
gave me for Christmas
Yes I know. It's not to wear.
It's a Christmas tree skirt.
You're supposed to put it
around the base of
your Christmas tree.
Oh. Oh, well, no wonder.
I like to never
got this thing on.
I finally just let the waist out
and tied it with a belt.
Bernice, isn't
there a present here
that you would like
to return to Suzanne?
Oh, yes, there is.
Susanne, I'm sorry,
but I'm going to have to ask you
to exchange this
underwear you gave me.
Why?
They're Jockey. They're cotton.
It's what you asked for.
Anyway it was on sale.
I know, but, you see,
each one of these
has a little "Inspected
by" sticker on it.
You see, it says here,
"Inspected by Frances,"
"Inspected by Judy,"
"Inspected by Joanne."
I don't know these people.
I don't know where they've
been or who they've been with.
And anyway, I just don't like
anyone else inspecting
my underwear.
All right, Bernice,
just leave them there.
I'll give them to Consuela.
Oh, by the way, Anthony,
with Charlene out,
I almost forgot
about your check.
I'll make one and leave
it here on the coffee table.
Oh, thank you, Julia.
I appreciate that.
I want to take my date
someplace special tonight.
It's a fix-up, but she
comes highly recommended.
Y'all still going to
see Steel Magnolias?
Yeah, we're taking
Charlene at 5,
and then Bill's going to
meet us later for dinner.
[Julia] Well, Bernice,
what are you doing?
Just scratching my nose.
I wasn't picking it.
I mean for New Year's.
Oh. Well, this old man
asked me for a date,
but he's very unreliable.
I mean, if he gets
the gout or something,
- he doesn't just show up.
- Whoo.
Boy, I tell you,
this dating is tough
all the way around, isn't it?
Hello Charlene? This is Suzanne.
Listen, did you know,
if you have your baby
at midnight tonight,
you can win a
brand-new free car?
Susanne, I can't talk right now,
I'm watching It's
a Wonderful Life,
and Jimmy Stewart
just came home.
- Kids!
- He's running up the stairs.
He's gotten all the
children in his arms.
I'm sorry. I'll have
to call you back.
You know, honey, I wish
I didn't have to fly today.
I hate to leave you.
I know. It's okay.
I'll probably just watch To
Kill a Mockingbird. Again.
Charlene, that's the
fourth time this week.
I know, but I love it.
It reminds me of my childhood.
You know, I was
a lot like Scout,
except that, living in the
country, I had my own horse.
We all did.
By the time I was 8, I
was riding in a posse.
I think it's sad
that kids don't grow
up that way anymore.
Oh, you've kind of just
fallen apart, haven't you?
Yeah. I shouldn't have watched
Grapes of Wrath last night.
You know, Henry Fonda reminds
me so much of my grandpa.
That speech he does
at the end just kills me.
Maybe we should put away
all these old family pictures.
There he is... Charles
Thomas Frasier.
He always wore that hat
and carried a pocket watch
and smelled like pipe tobacco.
I know its crazy, he's
been gone 20 years,
but I was just hoping he'd
be here when the baby came.
Maybe Mama and
Daddy will die, too,
and they'll miss
our baby growing up.
Is there anything else
you're worried about?
Yeah. I'm worried about you
and about baby furniture
and about East Berlin.
Maybe you shouldn't go
see Steel Magnolias today.
Something tells me
it's not just the right time
to go and see a movie about
childbirth or anyone dying.
I'll be all right
as long as it's not
Dolly Parton who dies.
I don't think I could take that.
You know how much I love her.
Hey, before I go, I
want to give you this,
but I don't want you to cry.
[gasp]
Bill, that's beautiful.
A diamond shape
is for our firstborn
and because it's the end
of our first year together.
I want you to know it's been
the happiest time of my life
and that, even
though we're married,
you still take my
breath away every day.
I love being with you
and sleeping with you
and watching you being pregnant,
and I'm just so
damn in love with you.
Oh you're so sweet.
I don't deserve you.
Even if I do die in childbirth,
I want you to get re-married
and not give me another thought.
Don't talk crazy.
You're still my girl.
Yeah, all 400 pounds of me.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey what?
Happy New Year.
And that was Nat
King Cole from 1951.
Looks like that temperature's
really falling out there.
It's 26 degrees right
now at the civic center,
with snow and sleet predicted
for later this afternoon.
In case you just joined us,
we're playing the number 1 songs
from all the New Year's
Eves of yesteryear.
And you try saying
that without any Ys.
Here's a little something
from December 31, 1944.
[Bing Crosby] ♪
I'll be seeing you ♪
♪ In all the old
familiar places ♪
♪ That this heart
of mine embraces ♪
♪ All day through ♪
[Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen, Miss Dolly Parton.
[applause, cheering]
Miss Parton, I can't thank you
enough for being in my dream.
I am your biggest fan.
This is such an honor.
Well, thank you, Charlene.
- And please,
just call me Dolly.
- Okay.
And actually, I was sent
here to talk about you.
You were?
Yeah, you know,
kind of like that angel
in It's a Wonderful Life?
You are an angel?
No, I'm just a movie star.
I don't think I'd
make angel if I died.
I tell you, they couldn't
have sent me anybody better.
I've always felt this
special bond with you
because we're both country
girls from big poor families
and we both have blonde hair
and we both have, you know.
Yeah, I noticed.
And you're from
Poplar Bluff, Missouri.
My gosh. How did you know that?
I told you, I know
all about you.
I also know that in a few hours,
you're going to meet the best
friend that you'll ever have...
Your daughter.
I knew it. I knew it
was going to be a girl.
I got a name picked out, too...
Olivia Frasier Stillfield.
I hope she grows
up to be just like you.
As far as I'm
concerned, Miss Parton,
you're the greatest
hick who ever lived.
Well, thank you, Charlene.
Actually, she
is a little like me.
- Which part?
- She's no angel, either.
Oh, my gosh. I can't
wait to meet her.
But she can't come
today. I'm not ready.
Oh, it won't be
today. It's tomorrow...
January 1, 1990...
First day of the last decade
of the entire 20th Century.
It's just so exciting, Charlene.
Everything's changing. This
whole world is just opening up.
That young'un could be anything.
Wow.
She could be the next
leader of the free world.
Well, that's right. She could.
But she also could
work at a car wash.
Wow. A car wash.
That could be interesting too.
I'm just a little sad,
though, you know,
because whatever
she is, you know,
my grandma, my grandpa,
my sister Pat who died,
they won't be here to see her.
That's where you
are wrong, Charlene,
because when Olivia comes
into the world tomorrow,
they'll be with her.
I mean, everybody in your family
that's gone on before you,
everyone you've loved...
You'll see them, in
her eyes, and her smile
and in the way she walks.
And when she
takes her first step
and says her first
words, they'll be there.
When she has a fever
at 3:00 in the morning,
when she gets caught in the rain
walking home from school,
when she hits
her first baseball,
they'll be there.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
And when she's
afraid of the dark,
when she forgets
to say her prayers,
when the wind catches her
voice on a warm summer day,
they'll be there.
Thank you, Dolly. This
means so much to me.
I love you so much.
Careful now, Charlene.
Let's not gouge each other.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Oh, she's going to be a
beautiful, healthy baby.
She's a real firecracker.
You know, I have to
go. I have to sing tonight.
Bye, Dolly.
Wait, wait. How did
you get to be so wise?
Oh, I guess it just
comes from being a star.
We're able to see the world
from a greater distance.
Oh, yeah. Well,
that makes sense.
Oh, boy, I feel so much better.
Thank you, Dolly,
for being in my dream.
Oh, you're welcome.
You just remember that tomorrow,
when you meet your daughter,
on the first day
of the last decade
of the entire 20th Century,
you'll be meeting the person
that will be holding your
hand when it's your time to go.
And even then, Charlene,
she won't be alone.
They'll be there.
Bye, Dolly. I'll be seeing you.
Oh, you can count on that
because I'm your
guardian movie star.
Boy, she looks
even better in person.
Oh, darn. I forgot to
ask her for her autograph.
Oh, gosh.
Olivia's coming in a few hours.
It's almost the first
day of the last decade
of the entire 20th Century.
And Olivia is coming.
- [knock on door]
- Olivia's coming.
- Olivia's coming.
- [knocking]
[murmuring]
[Mary Jo] Charlene,
open the door.
Oh.
Charlene?
- [knocking]
- Yeah, okay.
Okay, I'm coming. Just a second.
I'm coming.
Charlene, what took you so long?
We were getting worried
about you. It's almost 4:30.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're having an affair
in here, aren't you?
Where is he?
That's right, Suzanne.
With Shamu the
whale. He just left.
Yeah, we were lying here
staring at the ceiling together.
You don't have to be so testy.
Gosh. I've been
asleep for hours.
Yeah, we can see.
Is that your New Year's outfit?
No, it's not. I'll change, okay?
It'll just take a
second. I'm sorry.
I had the craziest dream.
Mmm.
- What?
- [gasp]
- What's wrong?
- You okay?
Yeah. Yeah. It's just a pain.
Uh, y'all mind if
we skip the movie?
Why? Where do you want to go?
The hospital. I think
we're having a baby.
Yippee!
Man, this weather
is unbelievable.
I'll just be a minute. I
got to pick up a check.
Hey. Nice.
Is this where you live?
No, no. This is where I work.
Great sofa. You
want have sex on it?
Not right now, Vanessa,
but thank you very
much for asking.
That's very thoughtful of you.
Okay, here it is. We can go.
Now, does somebody
else live here?
- Just Julia, my boss.
- Oh, great.
Let's go upstairs and
look at all her clothes.
No. No, no, no.
- [phone rings]
- I'll get it.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Sugarbakers.
Oh, hi, Mary Jo.
What? You're kidding.
What hospital?
Hey, I'm going
to be stopping by.
Okay, okay. Bye.
Come on. Charlene
is having her baby.
Who's Charlene?
Is that your wife?
I'll explain to you in the van.
Oh.
Boy, is Bill upset.
He's grounded in
Jackson, Mississippi.
What's that mean?
It means he can't take
off till the weather clears.
That's a fine how do you do.
What you got in that envelope?
Charlene's jewelry.
Julia just gave to me.
Do you see this little dinky
diamond chip he gave her?
Suzanne, they're
saving for a house.
Well, I don't care.
In a few minutes,
she's going to be lying
in that delivery room there
like a big old Zeppelin
tied to stirrups.
And he gives her a
chip. Can you believe it?
Where do you get
this "few minutes" stuff?
This could take
all night, you know.
Oh, no, it won't. She's
going to have this baby
at 1 minute past
midnight. I just know it.
And I'm going to get that car.
Man, is it slick out there.
She is 7 centimeters.
I'll take her in.
Looks like you've
got a little competition.
Boy, did you see that
cocky look on her face?
Like she knows
she's going to win.
She doesn't look
very cocky to me.
Are you kidding?
The way she just
swaggered in here?
Swaggered? Suzanne,
she's in a wheelchair.
It's all in the attitude.
Excuse me, but what does
this mean, 7 centimeters?
It means she could
deliver at any time.
Are you a relative?
No, she's just
shopping for her maid.
Excuse me. I just
wanted to tell her
if she could, to go ahead
and just have her
baby before midnight.
Excuse me, Mary Jo. I'm
just gonna go on in here
and check on Charlene's
centimeters, you know?
Kind of cheer her on.
All right, I'm going
to call Bernice,
I promised her I would.
[phone ringing]
Yo.
Hi, Bernice. This is Mary Jo.
So?
So I really didn't
expect to find you home.
Oh. Well, that old
man stood me up,
so I'm just sitting
here watching it snow
and drinking eggnog alone.
I just wanted to let you know
that Charlene has
gone into labor.
Oh, my gosh.
The first thing you've got to do
is to get her to the hospital.
Uh, well, we are at
the hospital Bernice.
Good thinking.
Okay, next you're going to
have to have her prepped.
If I were you, I wouldn't
volunteer for that one.
Uh, no, Bernice,
it's all taken care of.
We're at Westside.
I've got to get up
there right away.
After all, I'm almost
the grandmother.
No, I think you
ought to stay put.
It's... It's terrible out.
The streets are slick.
I bet there's not a thing
running but ambulances.
Okay, I got to go now.
You're tying up my line.
[line ringing]
[Woman] Westside Hospital.
Yes, you got to help me.
I've got to get up
there right away.
What's the problem?
We're having a baby.
Bill, I am trying to breathe.
When we took those
classes, I just didn't think
we'd be doing this
over the phone.
I know. I know you are.
Mm. Oh. Mm-hmm.
Oh, honey, no, I'm sorry.
I got to go. I got to go.
I love you, too. Bye.
Who's she talking to?
The newspaper, Suzanne.
She's renewing her subscription.
Don't worry, Bill.
Charlene's doing fine.
I'm standing right
here holding her hand.
We'll keep you
posted, I promise.
Listen, Colonel,
next time you go buying
jewelry, we got to talk.
I mean this diamond chip
business isn't going to get it.
That's something
you give a 6-year-old
- when she joins a church.
- Suzanne.
Oh, got to go. Bye.
Aah!
How are you feeling, Charlene?
Not so good.
What's it like? I mean,
you know, the pain.
Excuse me, Geraldo, do you mind?
- I just wondered.
- No, it's okay.
Sort of like having a Buick
drive through your abdomen.
You know, it's funny
you should mention cars.
Suzanne, get out.
[grunting]
- So how's she doing?
- Not too good.
Another woman came
in at 7 centimeters.
I think she's going to beat us.
Did I miss something?
Don't pay any attention to her.
She's just trying to win a car.
Oh, hey, Anthony,
congratulations on your date.
She's very classy,
very sort of Radcliffy.
Well, I know she isn't
exactly what I had in mind,
but she does have
her good points.
She's a good dancer
Uh-huh, that's right.
Anyway, I was probably
just going to take her home,
but now the streets
have gotten so bad,
I don't think we can make it.
I wouldn't worry about it.
She strikes me
as the kind of girl
who's equally at ease at
home or in a social setting.
♪ Oh I feel good ♪
♪ Nananana ♪
♪ Like I know that I should ♪
♪ Nanananananana ♪
- Vanessa.
- ♪ I feel good ♪
Turn this thing off.
This is a hospital.
Okay.
Hey, I got an idea.
Let's all go down to
the X-ray and get naked.
[knock on door]
Yo.
[knocking]
Come on in.
Is this 4121 Wedgwood?
That's right.
What's it to you?
You called for an ambulance.
Oh, yes.
I need a ride to the hospital.
I'm sorry. We're here
for Bernice Clifton.
- She's having a baby.
- That's right. I'm Bernice.
- You're having a baby?
- You bet we are.
I've been in on it from
the very beginning.
I even sat in the first
pew at the wedding.
Okay, now, let's get going.
I'd offer you boys some eggnog,
but you have no business
driving an ambulance and drinking
Look, lady, we got a call
that somebody here
was having a baby.
Did you know it's
a criminal offense
to solicit an emergency
vehicle under false pretence?
Hey, I can go you
one better than that.
Do you know that if the Avon
lady falls down on your property,
you have to pay for it?
Maybe we should take
her in for observation.
That's right. That sounds good.
Would you mind just running
me by the picture window
of our hospitality game
room on the way out?
I'd like to give the impressions
that you're my dates.
Maybe you're right.
Better safe than sorry.
Okay lady, you want
to go to the hospital?
Oh-hah.
We'll take you to the hospital,
but once we get there,
you're going to be
thoroughly examined.
Oh, darn. I knew I should
have kept that new underwear.
[Mary Jo] Charlene, are you sure
you don't want
something for the pain?
No, no, I'm okay.
Did you call Mama and Daddy?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Oh, they're so excited.
They're just waiting
right there by the phone.
You're doing just fine.
First pregnancies often
take a little longer to dilate.
Oh, yeah, I knew it
must be something.
Mary Jo, you had
natural childbirth
with Quint and
Claudia, didn't you?
No, actually, I'm
from the old school
where at the first sign of labor
your husband hits you
with a croquet mallet
and you don't wake up until
the kids are potty trained.
[grunting]
If you like, I can give you
just a little something
for pain now.
Then, when we get
into the delivery room,
I won't have to
give you anything.
No, it's okay.
[groaning]
Maybe a little something.
Mary Jo, you won't
tell I cheated, will you?
Hey, my lips are sealed.
You know, you're not alone.
I saw this documentary
once on home delivery.
It was this kind of
ex-hippie-type woman,
and she had invited all
these people over to her house
to watch her give birth.
The idea was that during labor,
she and her friends
would make a quilt.
You know, they lit
a bunch of candles,
and they'd all brought food.
Well, let me tell
you, by the end
she was chewing
on a leather belt
and sending out for morphine.
Well, there's a reason
they call it labor.
Yeah, hi, listen, I'm calling
from... Where are we?
Westside Hospital.
Right, Westside Hospital
in the baby section.
We'd like to order
some food and liquor.
Do you want some beer?
No, thank you.
What's that? I don't
know the address.
It's in the phone book.
Anyway, just send
some pretzels, doughnuts,
box of condoms, and a
couple of six packs of beer.
Just a minute. Do they
have a microwave here?
I'm sure they do.
And throw in one of
them frozen entries.
You know, entries?
I think you mean entrees.
Yeah, that's it, and this
is for Anthony Bouvier.
He'll pay when you get here.
Just a minute, do you
have a credit card number?
No, I'm sorry I don't.
Look, we don't
have a credit card,
so he'll pay you
when you get here.
He's a doctor, okay?
Well, yeah, he
drinks beer on the job.
I mean, it's not like
he's performing surgery.
Thanks.
And thrown in some
eyeliner and deodorant, too.
Whoo! ♪ I feel good ♪
♪ Nananananana ♪
♪ Like you know that I should ♪
♪ Nananananana ♪
Ooh!
Yes, operator, I'd
like to call Seattle.
Uh, Vanessa, I'm telling
you for the last time,
you're going to have
to try to keep it down.
What year is it?
1989. Why?
Okay, so at midnight,
it's going to be...
19... 90.
Hey, we jamming.
This is Ruth Ann Hacker.
You need to page Dr. Sebo
and tell him his twins are here.
Twins?
Can you believe it?
I guess she is thinking she is
going to walk away with two cars.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Can you tell me how many
centimeters she is dilated?
No, I can't.
What is it with you, lady? Is
this a hobby or something?
No, I'm just an
interested bystander.
Listen, if you do get
two cars out of this,
I'd like to make a
deal for one of them.
- Nurse.
- I'm sorry.
Uh, you're going
to have to be quiet
and leave the patients alone.
My name's Suzanne
Sugarbaker! I'm in the phone book!
Hi. Do you have any Demerol?
Okay, we're getting close now.
You're almost up to
70 on the fetal monitor.
The doctor's going to come
in and examine you soon,
and then we'll go into delivery.
Do you hear that?
You're doing great.
Are you her sister?
No, I'm her friend. Her
family couldn't be here.
Oh, no, they're here.
They're... They're all here.
They're waiting to see Olivia.
Oh, so you know it's a girl?
Did she have amniocentesis?
No, I think it must
be the medicine.
Charlene, how do
you know it's a girl?
Dolly told me.
Dolly who?
Dolly Parton.
Is Dolly Parton
a friend of yours?
[snicker]
Of course not.
She's my guardian movie star.
[Woman humming]
Well? Don't be
afraid. Come on in.
It's all right. She
just loves company.
Who is she?
Miss Minnie Ward.
She's been with us for
the past three weeks.
She asked to be in maternity
so she could be near the babies.
What's wrong with her?
Old age.
She's 102.
- 102 years old?
- That's right.
And she's just a darling.
She came here with
congestive heart failure,
and she should have
died that first night.
She's got a mind
like a steel trap.
- Go on in and talk to her.
- Are you sure?
She's very interesting. Come on.
- Dorothy is that you?
- It's me, Miss Minnie,
- and I brought you a visitor.
- Hello. Come in.
I was just humming
a New Year's song.
Of course I didn't get
my black eyed peas today,
but that doesn't mean
I'm not going to sing.
Miss Minnie, this
is Mrs. Sugarbaker.
- Well, hello, Miss Minnie.
- How do you do?
Mrs. Sugarbaker's friend is
up here having a baby tonight.
Well, isn't that fine?
My name is Minnie Belle Ward.
I'm 102 years old,
and I've outlived
everybody I've ever known...
My husband and all
five of my children.
Five children?
You must be very
proud of your family.
[chuckling] Well, yes.
And at Christmas and New Year's,
we were always together,
and Lord, would I cook.
I'm going to let you two talk.
Now, Miss Minnie, if you
need me, just buzz, okay?
All right, hon.
You know, I don't believe
I've ever known
anyone who's 102.
Where do your people come from?
Well, I was born in
Brownsville, Tennessee,
July the 26th, 1887.
My father was a slave
who later became a minister.
By his first wife
he had 12 children,
and after she passed
and he married my mother
and had 10... 22
children altogether.
And I'm the last surviving one.
The doctor just examined her.
She should be going into
delivery any minute now.
- All right.
- Yeah, whoop-dee-doo.
That woman with
twins is already in there.
I bet she's having the
little buggers right now.
Oh, would y'all look at this?
Why, it's almost midnight.
Where is Julia?
[Suzanne] I don't
know. She disappeared.
I'm starting to get
worried myself.
I can't find Vanessa, either.
They're probably together.
They have so much in common.
And your father
became a minister?
That's right.
We called him Papa.
You see, if you were
colored in those days,
there was a place
you had to occupy
that was not on
terms with whites.
My father eventually started
the colored Baptist church
which gave us prestige
and independence.
My papa used to say,
"My children's got better
things to do with their time
than dusting knick-knacks
for white folks."
I bet you're missing
him tonight, aren't you?
Oh, my, yes.
I miss all my family,
but most especially my husband.
He died during the Depression,
and so in my mind,
he remains quite young
and quite handsome.
He was also very flirtatious.
I never will forget
when I almost died
having our last child.
I was laying in bed, all
exhausted and haggard.
And he leaned across
the preacher and the doctor
and the two or three
deacons that were there,
and he said,
"You know, Minnie,
you always did know
how to keep the
boys interested."
[door open]
Julia, where have you been?
I just met the most
wonderful, incredible woman.
She's 102 years old.
Good. At least we don't have to
worry about her having a baby.
Hey, it's one minute
before midnight.
Let's get ready
for the countdown.
Look, everybody!
I'm on oxygen!
You know, this girl's
starting to get on my nerves.
Vanessa, take this
thing off of your nose.
Where did you get this stuff?
They're about to throw
us out of this hospital.
10, 9, 8... [together]
7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Happy New Year!
[toot]
♪♪ ["Auld Lang Syne"]
Happy New Year, honey!
Shh!
This has got to stop.
Turn that thing off.
[Anthony] I'm terribly sorry
Bernice, what on earth
are you doing here?
I'm ringing in the New Year.
Happy New Year, everybody.
[toot] Happy New Year, Suzanne.
Happy New Year,
Bernice, you little fruitcake.
Do you know this woman?
Yes, she's a friend of ours.
Why are you bringing
her to maternity?
She wouldn't get off the gurney
until we brought her up here.
Well, I'll get off of it now.
Thanks for the ride, turkeys.
How's our girl?
Well, she's going to go
in delivery any minute.
Hot dog. [toot]
She called an ambulance
and said she was having a baby.
Then, when we got there,
she was acting strange,
so we brought her
in for observation.
Oh, you don't have to bother
observing her. She is strange.
I'm sorry. She has a
little arterial flow problem
above the neck.
We'll take her home.
You know, it is against the law
to solicit an emergency
vehicle under false pretence.
It's also against the law
to marry your brother.
I don't know why you're
so hung up on that one.
Hey, that is a nice skirt.
I like those threads.
Now, she's got style.
Honey at my age,
style is about
getting your buttons
in all the right holes.
Whoo. I'm hot tonight.
Well, come on,
now, get it, girl.
♪ She feels good ♪
♪ Dananananana ♪
♪ Like you know
that she should ♪
♪ Danananananana ♪
♪ She feels good ♪
Stay back, please.
We're coming through.
Okay, this is it. We're
on our way to delivery.
Charlene, if you need us,
we'll be right here darling.
We love you.
I love you, too. Got
to go. Olivia's coming.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Anthony, I'm telling you,
that girl is Tina Turner.
Trust me, Bernice,
that's not Tina Turner.
Her name is Vanessa Hargreaves.
Anthony, I get the cable okay?
I watch all the rock videos.
That girl is Tina Turner.
You're out with Tina Turner,
and you don't even know it.
Okay, Bernice, So I'm
out with Tina Turner.
What do you want
me to do about that?
Well, I think we should
call some radio stations
and set up some interviews.
This is something that
could really snowball.
What did they say?
What is taking so long?
I don't know. I can't get
anybody to talk to me.
Apparently, they've got two
deliveries going on at once.
Don't tell Suzanne.
She would probably go in
and do a cheer for Charlene.
Look at her.
Look at the Cheshire
cat grin on her face.
I wonder what she's
dreaming about.
Waaah!
Don't cry, Mary
Jo. What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong.
She's just jealous
because I was the first baby
born after midnight,
January 1, 1990.
I'm not jealous. I'm hungry.
I only weighed in at 5 pounds.
Yeah, that's a problem.
You know you're
little and tiny and cute.
Of course, you're not
as cute as some people.
Hey, where's that mirror mobile?
I like that thing.
Suzanne, suck your pacifier.
Ooh, a little fussy
today, aren't we?
Well, you're all just jealous
because I won the new car.
I was the first baby.
I won, I won, I won.
Suzanne, I am not fussy today.
I just don't particularly
care for the head nurse.
She is so superior.
I'm especially tired of her
coming in here every five minutes
with that thermometer.
I'd like to tell her
where to stick it...
though apparently,
she already knows.
Well, I think this
whole place is great.
I mean, it's 24-hour
room service.
Look, free jewelry.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I think it it's pretty.
Well, I'm glad you're developing
a taste for cheap bracelets.
You're going to need
that later on in life.
And by the way, will
someone kindly tell me
just what is he doing here?
Excuse me, but to
whom are you referring?
Oh, like I'm the only
one here who noticed.
I mean, hasn't anyone
else here asked themselves
what is wrong with this picture?
He's different.
I know. I especially noticed
during the diaper change.
He's definitely different.
That's right. Very,
very different.
And I tell you something else.
For some reason, I do
not particularly appreciate
being put behind these bars.
Waaaah!
I don't want to be
incarcerated anymore!
Let me out!
I'm busting out of here now!
Oh, keep you diapers on.
You wouldn't have even
made it to the hallway.
Well, maybe not on my own,
but I'm going to be driving
that little car right there.
Waaah!
I was just going to borrow it.
I'll bring it back.
You can't take that. I won it.
It's my car. I'm the
New Year's baby.
- Not anymore.
- Hey!
Not anymore.
That's my car!
That's my car!
That's my car!
It's my car!
Waaaah!
What's wrong?
What's happening?
First you fell asleep,
then you made
a fool of yourself.
[Anthony] You had
a stressful dream.
Oh, excuse me, nurse.
What's going on in there?
- We've just had a delivery.
- All right.
Yeah. Mrs. Hacker had her twins.
[Suzanne] May as well tell
Charlene to take her time now.
The car is gone.
Well, I've been
trying to reach Bill,
but they said he just took off.
Isn't it just like a man?
Hmm. Now poor Charlene
will have to raise
that child alone.
Bernice, he just
took off in a jet.
Great. Now he'll be
even harder to track.
I can't believe how ugly
those Hacker twins are.
You know, it's a good
thing they won a car.
They'd better just stay
in it and keep moving.
Suzanne, that is terrible.
I thought they was sweet.
Yeah I thought they looked
like those Cabbage Patch people.
[Bernice] Doesn't
Tina look terrific?
You know she's
very close to my age.
I suppose
I would like to have
crossed the ocean once.
I have a son buried above
the beachhead in Honesdale.
And then I would liked to have
to ridden the Panama Limited.
That's the train that ran
from New Orleans to Chicago.
And I will say dancing surely
would have been a pleasure.
But our church didn't allow it.
I never did agree with it.
I think the Creator
was doing His job
when He made young
people with fists in their feet.
Miss Minnie, if you
don't mind me asking,
what became of your children?
Two of my girls
were schoolteachers.
My youngest daughter,
who died of cancer,
started a black library
in Picayune, Mississippi.
At one time, it
had 1,300 volumes.
And my son Cassius...
who was as handsome
as this young man,
was lost in the war.
And my other son Arthur
worked for General Motors.
And it's a hard thing
when a mother
outlives all her children.
Avoid it if you can.
Miss Minnie, this is
Anthony, and this is Suzanne.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
I hope we're not
wearing you out.
Oh, no. I love to be
surrounded by young people.
Well, we enjoy having
you call us young people.
Well, I guess the
thing I'm most proud of
is that after my husband died,
we all survived the
Depression together.
I worked at a dry cleaners.
My specialty was
felt hats... 35 cents.
Then I worked as a dress maker,
and when I couldn't get
that, I worked in a factory.
I was never on welfare,
and... God hears me...
I never had a boyfriend.
I smoked a cigarette once.
Your secret is safe with us.
I just can't believe that you
heard Theodore Roosevelt speak
and Booker T. Washington.
And she has a nephew who
worked for Martin Luther King
You know something?
You are the 20th Century.
Oh, I'm just a thread,
a little thread in the tapestry.
But I had a good time.
Everybody has troubles,
and as the saying goes,
ain't nobody nowhere
living no dream life.
I thought as I got older
the bold outlines of truth
would be revealed to me,
but it hasn't happened.
When I was young, I
was in such a hurry,
and now I've been
here 100 years,
and it seems like only yesterday
I held my babies in my arms.
I'm... glad to be going home.
It's been a long time
since I've seen my family.
And I wish for all of you
all the love and
happiness I had in my life.
And I hope the world
keeps going toward freedom,
and I hope that
people everywhere
can learn to live
together in peace.
As my papa used to say,
"We ain't what we should be,
"we ain't what
we're going to be,
but at least we
ain't what we was."
[monitor flatlines]
♪ Someone out there ♪
♪ Beneath a pale moonlight ♪
♪ Someone's thinking of me ♪
♪ And loving me tonight ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ Someone's saying a prayer ♪
♪ That we'll find one another ♪
♪ In that big
somewhere out there ♪
♪ And even though I know
how very far apart we are ♪
[baby cries]
♪ It helps to think
we might be wishing ♪
♪ On the same bright star ♪
♪ And when the
night wind starts ♪
♪ To sing her lonesome lullaby ♪
♪ It helps to think
we're sleeping ♪
♪ Underneath the same big sky ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ If love can see us through ♪
♪ Then we'll be together ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ Out where dreams come true ♪
[Man on intercom] Hawk
A5, Memphis Center on 245.0.
Memphis Center, this
is Hawk A5. Go ahead.
Relay message.
Colonel, looks like you've
got yourself a baby girl.
Mother and daughter
are doing fine.
Roger, Memphis Center.
Message received.
Yee-ha!
Ha ha ha! Yee-ha! Whoo!
[Dolly Parton] ♪ And
even though I know ♪
♪ How very far apart we are ♪
♪ It helps to think
we might be wishing ♪
♪ On the same bright star ♪
[Female singer] ♪ And
when the night wind starts ♪
♪ To sing her lonesome lullaby ♪
♪ It helps to think
we're sleeping ♪
♪ Underneath the same big sky ♪
[Male, female singers] ♪
Somewhere out there ♪
♪ If love can see us through ♪
♪ Then we'll be together ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ Out where dreams come true ♪
[Mary Jo] You know, I'm glad
I'm just spending a
quiet New Year's Eve
with you Bill and Charlene.
I suppose it would
have been nice
to have a date
and go to a party,
but you know, I tell
you, in this day and age,
I'm just not all that crazy
about kissing 90 strangers
on the mouth at midnight.
Which reminds me, don't
let me forget to call Reese.
He'll be three hours behind us.
You know, he always visits his
daughter in Seattle once a year.
I just wish it
weren't New Year's.
New Year's Eve is one time
I just don't like
to be unescorted.
- Well, you have Bill.
- It's not the same.
I know. Might as
well get used to it.
Someday we'll probably be
like those old widow women.
You know, you always
see a car full of them
being driven to Sunday
lunch by some little old man
who's the last surviving
elderly husband on earth.
And the women are always
just yakking their heads off,
and he's got on a little hat
with his arms just frozen
to the steering wheel
going 5 miles an hour.
Of course, there's always
the obligatory seat belt
hanging out making sparks.
Hi. Where is everybody?
Well, Anthony's taken
Bernice to run errands,
and Charlene's
taking the day off.
Well, I just heard on the radio
that the Atlanta
Chamber of Commerce
is giving away a brand-new car
to the first baby
born in the New Year.
We got to call Charlene.
Why?
Because, Julia, I need
that car for Consuela.
You know, since I didn't
get that one in Japan
and now I can't afford
to buy a new one,
I mean, what with all the
Christmas bills and everything,
this is just perfect.
Charlene can have
that... What do you call it...
Induced labor
right after midnight,
and I can buy the
car for below cost.
Suzanne, Charlene's baby
is not due for another week,
and she's certainly
not going to have it
ahead of time,
even if she could,
just to accommodate
you and your maid.
Well, Julia, you
don't understand.
Consuela's going to quit
if I don't provide her with
some form of transportation,
and I can't afford it.
Then I suggest a skateboard.
Well, I'm just going call
Charlene up and ask her myself.
[toot]
Happy New Year.
Well, Happy New Year, Bernice.
Ah, busy. Shoot.
[toot]
Happy New Year, Suzanne.
Happy New Year to you,
too, Bernice, you little fruitcake.
[Julia] Suzanne!
Oh, she knows I'm just kidding.
She loves me to call her that.
- Don't you Bernice?
- It's okay.
I would mind,
though, if, for example,
we were at the White House.
Okay, I'll remember that.
- [Mary Jo] Bernice.
- What?
Why are you wearing
your Christmas tree skirt?
Well, this is the skirt you
gave me for Christmas
Yes I know. It's not to wear.
It's a Christmas tree skirt.
You're supposed to put it
around the base of
your Christmas tree.
Oh. Oh, well, no wonder.
I like to never
got this thing on.
I finally just let the waist out
and tied it with a belt.
Bernice, isn't
there a present here
that you would like
to return to Suzanne?
Oh, yes, there is.
Susanne, I'm sorry,
but I'm going to have to ask you
to exchange this
underwear you gave me.
Why?
They're Jockey. They're cotton.
It's what you asked for.
Anyway it was on sale.
I know, but, you see,
each one of these
has a little "Inspected
by" sticker on it.
You see, it says here,
"Inspected by Frances,"
"Inspected by Judy,"
"Inspected by Joanne."
I don't know these people.
I don't know where they've
been or who they've been with.
And anyway, I just don't like
anyone else inspecting
my underwear.
All right, Bernice,
just leave them there.
I'll give them to Consuela.
Oh, by the way, Anthony,
with Charlene out,
I almost forgot
about your check.
I'll make one and leave
it here on the coffee table.
Oh, thank you, Julia.
I appreciate that.
I want to take my date
someplace special tonight.
It's a fix-up, but she
comes highly recommended.
Y'all still going to
see Steel Magnolias?
Yeah, we're taking
Charlene at 5,
and then Bill's going to
meet us later for dinner.
[Julia] Well, Bernice,
what are you doing?
Just scratching my nose.
I wasn't picking it.
I mean for New Year's.
Oh. Well, this old man
asked me for a date,
but he's very unreliable.
I mean, if he gets
the gout or something,
- he doesn't just show up.
- Whoo.
Boy, I tell you,
this dating is tough
all the way around, isn't it?
Hello Charlene? This is Suzanne.
Listen, did you know,
if you have your baby
at midnight tonight,
you can win a
brand-new free car?
Susanne, I can't talk right now,
I'm watching It's
a Wonderful Life,
and Jimmy Stewart
just came home.
- Kids!
- He's running up the stairs.
He's gotten all the
children in his arms.
I'm sorry. I'll have
to call you back.
You know, honey, I wish
I didn't have to fly today.
I hate to leave you.
I know. It's okay.
I'll probably just watch To
Kill a Mockingbird. Again.
Charlene, that's the
fourth time this week.
I know, but I love it.
It reminds me of my childhood.
You know, I was
a lot like Scout,
except that, living in the
country, I had my own horse.
We all did.
By the time I was 8, I
was riding in a posse.
I think it's sad
that kids don't grow
up that way anymore.
Oh, you've kind of just
fallen apart, haven't you?
Yeah. I shouldn't have watched
Grapes of Wrath last night.
You know, Henry Fonda reminds
me so much of my grandpa.
That speech he does
at the end just kills me.
Maybe we should put away
all these old family pictures.
There he is... Charles
Thomas Frasier.
He always wore that hat
and carried a pocket watch
and smelled like pipe tobacco.
I know its crazy, he's
been gone 20 years,
but I was just hoping he'd
be here when the baby came.
Maybe Mama and
Daddy will die, too,
and they'll miss
our baby growing up.
Is there anything else
you're worried about?
Yeah. I'm worried about you
and about baby furniture
and about East Berlin.
Maybe you shouldn't go
see Steel Magnolias today.
Something tells me
it's not just the right time
to go and see a movie about
childbirth or anyone dying.
I'll be all right
as long as it's not
Dolly Parton who dies.
I don't think I could take that.
You know how much I love her.
Hey, before I go, I
want to give you this,
but I don't want you to cry.
[gasp]
Bill, that's beautiful.
A diamond shape
is for our firstborn
and because it's the end
of our first year together.
I want you to know it's been
the happiest time of my life
and that, even
though we're married,
you still take my
breath away every day.
I love being with you
and sleeping with you
and watching you being pregnant,
and I'm just so
damn in love with you.
Oh you're so sweet.
I don't deserve you.
Even if I do die in childbirth,
I want you to get re-married
and not give me another thought.
Don't talk crazy.
You're still my girl.
Yeah, all 400 pounds of me.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey what?
Happy New Year.
And that was Nat
King Cole from 1951.
Looks like that temperature's
really falling out there.
It's 26 degrees right
now at the civic center,
with snow and sleet predicted
for later this afternoon.
In case you just joined us,
we're playing the number 1 songs
from all the New Year's
Eves of yesteryear.
And you try saying
that without any Ys.
Here's a little something
from December 31, 1944.
[Bing Crosby] ♪
I'll be seeing you ♪
♪ In all the old
familiar places ♪
♪ That this heart
of mine embraces ♪
♪ All day through ♪
[Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen, Miss Dolly Parton.
[applause, cheering]
Miss Parton, I can't thank you
enough for being in my dream.
I am your biggest fan.
This is such an honor.
Well, thank you, Charlene.
- And please,
just call me Dolly.
- Okay.
And actually, I was sent
here to talk about you.
You were?
Yeah, you know,
kind of like that angel
in It's a Wonderful Life?
You are an angel?
No, I'm just a movie star.
I don't think I'd
make angel if I died.
I tell you, they couldn't
have sent me anybody better.
I've always felt this
special bond with you
because we're both country
girls from big poor families
and we both have blonde hair
and we both have, you know.
Yeah, I noticed.
And you're from
Poplar Bluff, Missouri.
My gosh. How did you know that?
I told you, I know
all about you.
I also know that in a few hours,
you're going to meet the best
friend that you'll ever have...
Your daughter.
I knew it. I knew it
was going to be a girl.
I got a name picked out, too...
Olivia Frasier Stillfield.
I hope she grows
up to be just like you.
As far as I'm
concerned, Miss Parton,
you're the greatest
hick who ever lived.
Well, thank you, Charlene.
Actually, she
is a little like me.
- Which part?
- She's no angel, either.
Oh, my gosh. I can't
wait to meet her.
But she can't come
today. I'm not ready.
Oh, it won't be
today. It's tomorrow...
January 1, 1990...
First day of the last decade
of the entire 20th Century.
It's just so exciting, Charlene.
Everything's changing. This
whole world is just opening up.
That young'un could be anything.
Wow.
She could be the next
leader of the free world.
Well, that's right. She could.
But she also could
work at a car wash.
Wow. A car wash.
That could be interesting too.
I'm just a little sad,
though, you know,
because whatever
she is, you know,
my grandma, my grandpa,
my sister Pat who died,
they won't be here to see her.
That's where you
are wrong, Charlene,
because when Olivia comes
into the world tomorrow,
they'll be with her.
I mean, everybody in your family
that's gone on before you,
everyone you've loved...
You'll see them, in
her eyes, and her smile
and in the way she walks.
And when she
takes her first step
and says her first
words, they'll be there.
When she has a fever
at 3:00 in the morning,
when she gets caught in the rain
walking home from school,
when she hits
her first baseball,
they'll be there.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
And when she's
afraid of the dark,
when she forgets
to say her prayers,
when the wind catches her
voice on a warm summer day,
they'll be there.
Thank you, Dolly. This
means so much to me.
I love you so much.
Careful now, Charlene.
Let's not gouge each other.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Oh, she's going to be a
beautiful, healthy baby.
She's a real firecracker.
You know, I have to
go. I have to sing tonight.
Bye, Dolly.
Wait, wait. How did
you get to be so wise?
Oh, I guess it just
comes from being a star.
We're able to see the world
from a greater distance.
Oh, yeah. Well,
that makes sense.
Oh, boy, I feel so much better.
Thank you, Dolly,
for being in my dream.
Oh, you're welcome.
You just remember that tomorrow,
when you meet your daughter,
on the first day
of the last decade
of the entire 20th Century,
you'll be meeting the person
that will be holding your
hand when it's your time to go.
And even then, Charlene,
she won't be alone.
They'll be there.
Bye, Dolly. I'll be seeing you.
Oh, you can count on that
because I'm your
guardian movie star.
Boy, she looks
even better in person.
Oh, darn. I forgot to
ask her for her autograph.
Oh, gosh.
Olivia's coming in a few hours.
It's almost the first
day of the last decade
of the entire 20th Century.
And Olivia is coming.
- [knock on door]
- Olivia's coming.
- Olivia's coming.
- [knocking]
[murmuring]
[Mary Jo] Charlene,
open the door.
Oh.
Charlene?
- [knocking]
- Yeah, okay.
Okay, I'm coming. Just a second.
I'm coming.
Charlene, what took you so long?
We were getting worried
about you. It's almost 4:30.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're having an affair
in here, aren't you?
Where is he?
That's right, Suzanne.
With Shamu the
whale. He just left.
Yeah, we were lying here
staring at the ceiling together.
You don't have to be so testy.
Gosh. I've been
asleep for hours.
Yeah, we can see.
Is that your New Year's outfit?
No, it's not. I'll change, okay?
It'll just take a
second. I'm sorry.
I had the craziest dream.
Mmm.
- What?
- [gasp]
- What's wrong?
- You okay?
Yeah. Yeah. It's just a pain.
Uh, y'all mind if
we skip the movie?
Why? Where do you want to go?
The hospital. I think
we're having a baby.
Yippee!
Man, this weather
is unbelievable.
I'll just be a minute. I
got to pick up a check.
Hey. Nice.
Is this where you live?
No, no. This is where I work.
Great sofa. You
want have sex on it?
Not right now, Vanessa,
but thank you very
much for asking.
That's very thoughtful of you.
Okay, here it is. We can go.
Now, does somebody
else live here?
- Just Julia, my boss.
- Oh, great.
Let's go upstairs and
look at all her clothes.
No. No, no, no.
- [phone rings]
- I'll get it.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Sugarbakers.
Oh, hi, Mary Jo.
What? You're kidding.
What hospital?
Hey, I'm going
to be stopping by.
Okay, okay. Bye.
Come on. Charlene
is having her baby.
Who's Charlene?
Is that your wife?
I'll explain to you in the van.
Oh.
Boy, is Bill upset.
He's grounded in
Jackson, Mississippi.
What's that mean?
It means he can't take
off till the weather clears.
That's a fine how do you do.
What you got in that envelope?
Charlene's jewelry.
Julia just gave to me.
Do you see this little dinky
diamond chip he gave her?
Suzanne, they're
saving for a house.
Well, I don't care.
In a few minutes,
she's going to be lying
in that delivery room there
like a big old Zeppelin
tied to stirrups.
And he gives her a
chip. Can you believe it?
Where do you get
this "few minutes" stuff?
This could take
all night, you know.
Oh, no, it won't. She's
going to have this baby
at 1 minute past
midnight. I just know it.
And I'm going to get that car.
Man, is it slick out there.
She is 7 centimeters.
I'll take her in.
Looks like you've
got a little competition.
Boy, did you see that
cocky look on her face?
Like she knows
she's going to win.
She doesn't look
very cocky to me.
Are you kidding?
The way she just
swaggered in here?
Swaggered? Suzanne,
she's in a wheelchair.
It's all in the attitude.
Excuse me, but what does
this mean, 7 centimeters?
It means she could
deliver at any time.
Are you a relative?
No, she's just
shopping for her maid.
Excuse me. I just
wanted to tell her
if she could, to go ahead
and just have her
baby before midnight.
Excuse me, Mary Jo. I'm
just gonna go on in here
and check on Charlene's
centimeters, you know?
Kind of cheer her on.
All right, I'm going
to call Bernice,
I promised her I would.
[phone ringing]
Yo.
Hi, Bernice. This is Mary Jo.
So?
So I really didn't
expect to find you home.
Oh. Well, that old
man stood me up,
so I'm just sitting
here watching it snow
and drinking eggnog alone.
I just wanted to let you know
that Charlene has
gone into labor.
Oh, my gosh.
The first thing you've got to do
is to get her to the hospital.
Uh, well, we are at
the hospital Bernice.
Good thinking.
Okay, next you're going to
have to have her prepped.
If I were you, I wouldn't
volunteer for that one.
Uh, no, Bernice,
it's all taken care of.
We're at Westside.
I've got to get up
there right away.
After all, I'm almost
the grandmother.
No, I think you
ought to stay put.
It's... It's terrible out.
The streets are slick.
I bet there's not a thing
running but ambulances.
Okay, I got to go now.
You're tying up my line.
[line ringing]
[Woman] Westside Hospital.
Yes, you got to help me.
I've got to get up
there right away.
What's the problem?
We're having a baby.
Bill, I am trying to breathe.
When we took those
classes, I just didn't think
we'd be doing this
over the phone.
I know. I know you are.
Mm. Oh. Mm-hmm.
Oh, honey, no, I'm sorry.
I got to go. I got to go.
I love you, too. Bye.
Who's she talking to?
The newspaper, Suzanne.
She's renewing her subscription.
Don't worry, Bill.
Charlene's doing fine.
I'm standing right
here holding her hand.
We'll keep you
posted, I promise.
Listen, Colonel,
next time you go buying
jewelry, we got to talk.
I mean this diamond chip
business isn't going to get it.
That's something
you give a 6-year-old
- when she joins a church.
- Suzanne.
Oh, got to go. Bye.
Aah!
How are you feeling, Charlene?
Not so good.
What's it like? I mean,
you know, the pain.
Excuse me, Geraldo, do you mind?
- I just wondered.
- No, it's okay.
Sort of like having a Buick
drive through your abdomen.
You know, it's funny
you should mention cars.
Suzanne, get out.
[grunting]
- So how's she doing?
- Not too good.
Another woman came
in at 7 centimeters.
I think she's going to beat us.
Did I miss something?
Don't pay any attention to her.
She's just trying to win a car.
Oh, hey, Anthony,
congratulations on your date.
She's very classy,
very sort of Radcliffy.
Well, I know she isn't
exactly what I had in mind,
but she does have
her good points.
She's a good dancer
Uh-huh, that's right.
Anyway, I was probably
just going to take her home,
but now the streets
have gotten so bad,
I don't think we can make it.
I wouldn't worry about it.
She strikes me
as the kind of girl
who's equally at ease at
home or in a social setting.
♪ Oh I feel good ♪
♪ Nananana ♪
♪ Like I know that I should ♪
♪ Nanananananana ♪
- Vanessa.
- ♪ I feel good ♪
Turn this thing off.
This is a hospital.
Okay.
Hey, I got an idea.
Let's all go down to
the X-ray and get naked.
[knock on door]
Yo.
[knocking]
Come on in.
Is this 4121 Wedgwood?
That's right.
What's it to you?
You called for an ambulance.
Oh, yes.
I need a ride to the hospital.
I'm sorry. We're here
for Bernice Clifton.
- She's having a baby.
- That's right. I'm Bernice.
- You're having a baby?
- You bet we are.
I've been in on it from
the very beginning.
I even sat in the first
pew at the wedding.
Okay, now, let's get going.
I'd offer you boys some eggnog,
but you have no business
driving an ambulance and drinking
Look, lady, we got a call
that somebody here
was having a baby.
Did you know it's
a criminal offense
to solicit an emergency
vehicle under false pretence?
Hey, I can go you
one better than that.
Do you know that if the Avon
lady falls down on your property,
you have to pay for it?
Maybe we should take
her in for observation.
That's right. That sounds good.
Would you mind just running
me by the picture window
of our hospitality game
room on the way out?
I'd like to give the impressions
that you're my dates.
Maybe you're right.
Better safe than sorry.
Okay lady, you want
to go to the hospital?
Oh-hah.
We'll take you to the hospital,
but once we get there,
you're going to be
thoroughly examined.
Oh, darn. I knew I should
have kept that new underwear.
[Mary Jo] Charlene, are you sure
you don't want
something for the pain?
No, no, I'm okay.
Did you call Mama and Daddy?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Oh, they're so excited.
They're just waiting
right there by the phone.
You're doing just fine.
First pregnancies often
take a little longer to dilate.
Oh, yeah, I knew it
must be something.
Mary Jo, you had
natural childbirth
with Quint and
Claudia, didn't you?
No, actually, I'm
from the old school
where at the first sign of labor
your husband hits you
with a croquet mallet
and you don't wake up until
the kids are potty trained.
[grunting]
If you like, I can give you
just a little something
for pain now.
Then, when we get
into the delivery room,
I won't have to
give you anything.
No, it's okay.
[groaning]
Maybe a little something.
Mary Jo, you won't
tell I cheated, will you?
Hey, my lips are sealed.
You know, you're not alone.
I saw this documentary
once on home delivery.
It was this kind of
ex-hippie-type woman,
and she had invited all
these people over to her house
to watch her give birth.
The idea was that during labor,
she and her friends
would make a quilt.
You know, they lit
a bunch of candles,
and they'd all brought food.
Well, let me tell
you, by the end
she was chewing
on a leather belt
and sending out for morphine.
Well, there's a reason
they call it labor.
Yeah, hi, listen, I'm calling
from... Where are we?
Westside Hospital.
Right, Westside Hospital
in the baby section.
We'd like to order
some food and liquor.
Do you want some beer?
No, thank you.
What's that? I don't
know the address.
It's in the phone book.
Anyway, just send
some pretzels, doughnuts,
box of condoms, and a
couple of six packs of beer.
Just a minute. Do they
have a microwave here?
I'm sure they do.
And throw in one of
them frozen entries.
You know, entries?
I think you mean entrees.
Yeah, that's it, and this
is for Anthony Bouvier.
He'll pay when you get here.
Just a minute, do you
have a credit card number?
No, I'm sorry I don't.
Look, we don't
have a credit card,
so he'll pay you
when you get here.
He's a doctor, okay?
Well, yeah, he
drinks beer on the job.
I mean, it's not like
he's performing surgery.
Thanks.
And thrown in some
eyeliner and deodorant, too.
Whoo! ♪ I feel good ♪
♪ Nananananana ♪
♪ Like you know that I should ♪
♪ Nananananana ♪
Ooh!
Yes, operator, I'd
like to call Seattle.
Uh, Vanessa, I'm telling
you for the last time,
you're going to have
to try to keep it down.
What year is it?
1989. Why?
Okay, so at midnight,
it's going to be...
19... 90.
Hey, we jamming.
This is Ruth Ann Hacker.
You need to page Dr. Sebo
and tell him his twins are here.
Twins?
Can you believe it?
I guess she is thinking she is
going to walk away with two cars.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Can you tell me how many
centimeters she is dilated?
No, I can't.
What is it with you, lady? Is
this a hobby or something?
No, I'm just an
interested bystander.
Listen, if you do get
two cars out of this,
I'd like to make a
deal for one of them.
- Nurse.
- I'm sorry.
Uh, you're going
to have to be quiet
and leave the patients alone.
My name's Suzanne
Sugarbaker! I'm in the phone book!
Hi. Do you have any Demerol?
Okay, we're getting close now.
You're almost up to
70 on the fetal monitor.
The doctor's going to come
in and examine you soon,
and then we'll go into delivery.
Do you hear that?
You're doing great.
Are you her sister?
No, I'm her friend. Her
family couldn't be here.
Oh, no, they're here.
They're... They're all here.
They're waiting to see Olivia.
Oh, so you know it's a girl?
Did she have amniocentesis?
No, I think it must
be the medicine.
Charlene, how do
you know it's a girl?
Dolly told me.
Dolly who?
Dolly Parton.
Is Dolly Parton
a friend of yours?
[snicker]
Of course not.
She's my guardian movie star.
[Woman humming]
Well? Don't be
afraid. Come on in.
It's all right. She
just loves company.
Who is she?
Miss Minnie Ward.
She's been with us for
the past three weeks.
She asked to be in maternity
so she could be near the babies.
What's wrong with her?
Old age.
She's 102.
- 102 years old?
- That's right.
And she's just a darling.
She came here with
congestive heart failure,
and she should have
died that first night.
She's got a mind
like a steel trap.
- Go on in and talk to her.
- Are you sure?
She's very interesting. Come on.
- Dorothy is that you?
- It's me, Miss Minnie,
- and I brought you a visitor.
- Hello. Come in.
I was just humming
a New Year's song.
Of course I didn't get
my black eyed peas today,
but that doesn't mean
I'm not going to sing.
Miss Minnie, this
is Mrs. Sugarbaker.
- Well, hello, Miss Minnie.
- How do you do?
Mrs. Sugarbaker's friend is
up here having a baby tonight.
Well, isn't that fine?
My name is Minnie Belle Ward.
I'm 102 years old,
and I've outlived
everybody I've ever known...
My husband and all
five of my children.
Five children?
You must be very
proud of your family.
[chuckling] Well, yes.
And at Christmas and New Year's,
we were always together,
and Lord, would I cook.
I'm going to let you two talk.
Now, Miss Minnie, if you
need me, just buzz, okay?
All right, hon.
You know, I don't believe
I've ever known
anyone who's 102.
Where do your people come from?
Well, I was born in
Brownsville, Tennessee,
July the 26th, 1887.
My father was a slave
who later became a minister.
By his first wife
he had 12 children,
and after she passed
and he married my mother
and had 10... 22
children altogether.
And I'm the last surviving one.
The doctor just examined her.
She should be going into
delivery any minute now.
- All right.
- Yeah, whoop-dee-doo.
That woman with
twins is already in there.
I bet she's having the
little buggers right now.
Oh, would y'all look at this?
Why, it's almost midnight.
Where is Julia?
[Suzanne] I don't
know. She disappeared.
I'm starting to get
worried myself.
I can't find Vanessa, either.
They're probably together.
They have so much in common.
And your father
became a minister?
That's right.
We called him Papa.
You see, if you were
colored in those days,
there was a place
you had to occupy
that was not on
terms with whites.
My father eventually started
the colored Baptist church
which gave us prestige
and independence.
My papa used to say,
"My children's got better
things to do with their time
than dusting knick-knacks
for white folks."
I bet you're missing
him tonight, aren't you?
Oh, my, yes.
I miss all my family,
but most especially my husband.
He died during the Depression,
and so in my mind,
he remains quite young
and quite handsome.
He was also very flirtatious.
I never will forget
when I almost died
having our last child.
I was laying in bed, all
exhausted and haggard.
And he leaned across
the preacher and the doctor
and the two or three
deacons that were there,
and he said,
"You know, Minnie,
you always did know
how to keep the
boys interested."
[door open]
Julia, where have you been?
I just met the most
wonderful, incredible woman.
She's 102 years old.
Good. At least we don't have to
worry about her having a baby.
Hey, it's one minute
before midnight.
Let's get ready
for the countdown.
Look, everybody!
I'm on oxygen!
You know, this girl's
starting to get on my nerves.
Vanessa, take this
thing off of your nose.
Where did you get this stuff?
They're about to throw
us out of this hospital.
10, 9, 8... [together]
7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Happy New Year!
[toot]
♪♪ ["Auld Lang Syne"]
Happy New Year, honey!
Shh!
This has got to stop.
Turn that thing off.
[Anthony] I'm terribly sorry
Bernice, what on earth
are you doing here?
I'm ringing in the New Year.
Happy New Year, everybody.
[toot] Happy New Year, Suzanne.
Happy New Year,
Bernice, you little fruitcake.
Do you know this woman?
Yes, she's a friend of ours.
Why are you bringing
her to maternity?
She wouldn't get off the gurney
until we brought her up here.
Well, I'll get off of it now.
Thanks for the ride, turkeys.
How's our girl?
Well, she's going to go
in delivery any minute.
Hot dog. [toot]
She called an ambulance
and said she was having a baby.
Then, when we got there,
she was acting strange,
so we brought her
in for observation.
Oh, you don't have to bother
observing her. She is strange.
I'm sorry. She has a
little arterial flow problem
above the neck.
We'll take her home.
You know, it is against the law
to solicit an emergency
vehicle under false pretence.
It's also against the law
to marry your brother.
I don't know why you're
so hung up on that one.
Hey, that is a nice skirt.
I like those threads.
Now, she's got style.
Honey at my age,
style is about
getting your buttons
in all the right holes.
Whoo. I'm hot tonight.
Well, come on,
now, get it, girl.
♪ She feels good ♪
♪ Dananananana ♪
♪ Like you know
that she should ♪
♪ Danananananana ♪
♪ She feels good ♪
Stay back, please.
We're coming through.
Okay, this is it. We're
on our way to delivery.
Charlene, if you need us,
we'll be right here darling.
We love you.
I love you, too. Got
to go. Olivia's coming.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Anthony, I'm telling you,
that girl is Tina Turner.
Trust me, Bernice,
that's not Tina Turner.
Her name is Vanessa Hargreaves.
Anthony, I get the cable okay?
I watch all the rock videos.
That girl is Tina Turner.
You're out with Tina Turner,
and you don't even know it.
Okay, Bernice, So I'm
out with Tina Turner.
What do you want
me to do about that?
Well, I think we should
call some radio stations
and set up some interviews.
This is something that
could really snowball.
What did they say?
What is taking so long?
I don't know. I can't get
anybody to talk to me.
Apparently, they've got two
deliveries going on at once.
Don't tell Suzanne.
She would probably go in
and do a cheer for Charlene.
Look at her.
Look at the Cheshire
cat grin on her face.
I wonder what she's
dreaming about.
Waaah!
Don't cry, Mary
Jo. What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong.
She's just jealous
because I was the first baby
born after midnight,
January 1, 1990.
I'm not jealous. I'm hungry.
I only weighed in at 5 pounds.
Yeah, that's a problem.
You know you're
little and tiny and cute.
Of course, you're not
as cute as some people.
Hey, where's that mirror mobile?
I like that thing.
Suzanne, suck your pacifier.
Ooh, a little fussy
today, aren't we?
Well, you're all just jealous
because I won the new car.
I was the first baby.
I won, I won, I won.
Suzanne, I am not fussy today.
I just don't particularly
care for the head nurse.
She is so superior.
I'm especially tired of her
coming in here every five minutes
with that thermometer.
I'd like to tell her
where to stick it...
though apparently,
she already knows.
Well, I think this
whole place is great.
I mean, it's 24-hour
room service.
Look, free jewelry.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I think it it's pretty.
Well, I'm glad you're developing
a taste for cheap bracelets.
You're going to need
that later on in life.
And by the way, will
someone kindly tell me
just what is he doing here?
Excuse me, but to
whom are you referring?
Oh, like I'm the only
one here who noticed.
I mean, hasn't anyone
else here asked themselves
what is wrong with this picture?
He's different.
I know. I especially noticed
during the diaper change.
He's definitely different.
That's right. Very,
very different.
And I tell you something else.
For some reason, I do
not particularly appreciate
being put behind these bars.
Waaaah!
I don't want to be
incarcerated anymore!
Let me out!
I'm busting out of here now!
Oh, keep you diapers on.
You wouldn't have even
made it to the hallway.
Well, maybe not on my own,
but I'm going to be driving
that little car right there.
Waaah!
I was just going to borrow it.
I'll bring it back.
You can't take that. I won it.
It's my car. I'm the
New Year's baby.
- Not anymore.
- Hey!
Not anymore.
That's my car!
That's my car!
That's my car!
It's my car!
Waaaah!
What's wrong?
What's happening?
First you fell asleep,
then you made
a fool of yourself.
[Anthony] You had
a stressful dream.
Oh, excuse me, nurse.
What's going on in there?
- We've just had a delivery.
- All right.
Yeah. Mrs. Hacker had her twins.
[Suzanne] May as well tell
Charlene to take her time now.
The car is gone.
Well, I've been
trying to reach Bill,
but they said he just took off.
Isn't it just like a man?
Hmm. Now poor Charlene
will have to raise
that child alone.
Bernice, he just
took off in a jet.
Great. Now he'll be
even harder to track.
I can't believe how ugly
those Hacker twins are.
You know, it's a good
thing they won a car.
They'd better just stay
in it and keep moving.
Suzanne, that is terrible.
I thought they was sweet.
Yeah I thought they looked
like those Cabbage Patch people.
[Bernice] Doesn't
Tina look terrific?
You know she's
very close to my age.
I suppose
I would like to have
crossed the ocean once.
I have a son buried above
the beachhead in Honesdale.
And then I would liked to have
to ridden the Panama Limited.
That's the train that ran
from New Orleans to Chicago.
And I will say dancing surely
would have been a pleasure.
But our church didn't allow it.
I never did agree with it.
I think the Creator
was doing His job
when He made young
people with fists in their feet.
Miss Minnie, if you
don't mind me asking,
what became of your children?
Two of my girls
were schoolteachers.
My youngest daughter,
who died of cancer,
started a black library
in Picayune, Mississippi.
At one time, it
had 1,300 volumes.
And my son Cassius...
who was as handsome
as this young man,
was lost in the war.
And my other son Arthur
worked for General Motors.
And it's a hard thing
when a mother
outlives all her children.
Avoid it if you can.
Miss Minnie, this is
Anthony, and this is Suzanne.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
I hope we're not
wearing you out.
Oh, no. I love to be
surrounded by young people.
Well, we enjoy having
you call us young people.
Well, I guess the
thing I'm most proud of
is that after my husband died,
we all survived the
Depression together.
I worked at a dry cleaners.
My specialty was
felt hats... 35 cents.
Then I worked as a dress maker,
and when I couldn't get
that, I worked in a factory.
I was never on welfare,
and... God hears me...
I never had a boyfriend.
I smoked a cigarette once.
Your secret is safe with us.
I just can't believe that you
heard Theodore Roosevelt speak
and Booker T. Washington.
And she has a nephew who
worked for Martin Luther King
You know something?
You are the 20th Century.
Oh, I'm just a thread,
a little thread in the tapestry.
But I had a good time.
Everybody has troubles,
and as the saying goes,
ain't nobody nowhere
living no dream life.
I thought as I got older
the bold outlines of truth
would be revealed to me,
but it hasn't happened.
When I was young, I
was in such a hurry,
and now I've been
here 100 years,
and it seems like only yesterday
I held my babies in my arms.
I'm... glad to be going home.
It's been a long time
since I've seen my family.
And I wish for all of you
all the love and
happiness I had in my life.
And I hope the world
keeps going toward freedom,
and I hope that
people everywhere
can learn to live
together in peace.
As my papa used to say,
"We ain't what we should be,
"we ain't what
we're going to be,
but at least we
ain't what we was."
[monitor flatlines]
♪ Someone out there ♪
♪ Beneath a pale moonlight ♪
♪ Someone's thinking of me ♪
♪ And loving me tonight ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ Someone's saying a prayer ♪
♪ That we'll find one another ♪
♪ In that big
somewhere out there ♪
♪ And even though I know
how very far apart we are ♪
[baby cries]
♪ It helps to think
we might be wishing ♪
♪ On the same bright star ♪
♪ And when the
night wind starts ♪
♪ To sing her lonesome lullaby ♪
♪ It helps to think
we're sleeping ♪
♪ Underneath the same big sky ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ If love can see us through ♪
♪ Then we'll be together ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ Out where dreams come true ♪
[Man on intercom] Hawk
A5, Memphis Center on 245.0.
Memphis Center, this
is Hawk A5. Go ahead.
Relay message.
Colonel, looks like you've
got yourself a baby girl.
Mother and daughter
are doing fine.
Roger, Memphis Center.
Message received.
Yee-ha!
Ha ha ha! Yee-ha! Whoo!
[Dolly Parton] ♪ And
even though I know ♪
♪ How very far apart we are ♪
♪ It helps to think
we might be wishing ♪
♪ On the same bright star ♪
[Female singer] ♪ And
when the night wind starts ♪
♪ To sing her lonesome lullaby ♪
♪ It helps to think
we're sleeping ♪
♪ Underneath the same big sky ♪
[Male, female singers] ♪
Somewhere out there ♪
♪ If love can see us through ♪
♪ Then we'll be together ♪
♪ Somewhere out there ♪
♪ Out where dreams come true ♪