Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 7 - But They're Really Great Curtains - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[Charlene] Is it nice how things
work out if you just have faith?

I mean here we where in
the middle of a slow season

and just when I was
starting to worry... Boom.

We get to do a whole hotel.

Don't you just feel sometimes

there's this over powering
presence watching over you?

Yes.

Well, I certainly wouldn't
be calling it a hotel.

I mean there's more
mo than ho about it.

It's just four rooms smack
up against the interstate.



Now, that's definitely a motel.

- Is that bad?
- Well, it's fine if you're

a bunch of hillbillies
traveling to Rock City

with a bunch of kids in the back
seat playing license plate bingo

and eating cold
biscuits out of wax paper

and stopping at Stucky's
every five minutes for taffy.

Sounds good to me.

Suzanne, we're fortunate

to have this job.
We need the money.

That's right. We could
use a big check right now.

I didn't want to say anything, but I
even started rationing office supplies.

I was saving rubber bands,

straightening out little bent
staples and using them again.

You know writing
light with my pencil



so it wouldn't
wear down too fast.

If you ask me, I blame
the Southwestern fade.

It's just nearly
ruined decorating.

I mean I don't think
anybody ever really wanted

cactuses and cow
skulls in their living room.

Well, we don't have to worry
now. We got a big check coming in.

The Lord provideth.

Yeah, but look what
he provideth... a motel.

Suzanne!

Well, you think the Lord
would have a little more taste,

especially considering
what goes on in those places.

I mean, a million years ago, he
blew up Sodom and Gomorrah,

and back then they didn't
even have vibrating waterbeds.

Suzanne, despite your lurid

and oddly
well-informed fantasies,

this motel happens to be a family
establishment. Thank you very much.

Oh, I'm just so
mad I could spit.

It is always the same. A woman
takes her car into the mechanic

and they just assume that
she's completely ignorant.

What's wrong with your car?

Oh, that little
black flippy thing

is going ching-ching
instead of hum.

[grunts] It makes me so mad.

Hear those samples
for Textile City.

I'm gonna get ripped
off again. I just know it.

I know how they operate.

You take it in
for a little rattle,

and pretty soon they're saying,

"Well, little lady, that glove
compartment's got to go."

I know just what you mean.

You remember Colleen Metcalf?

She went to see a plastic surgeon
to have her ears pinned back,

which was very good thing

since they used to virtually
just flap in the breeze.

Suzanne, we're talking
about Mary Jo's car.

Well, so am I.

So anyway, once Colleen
was in their hands, that was it.

They said having
her ears pinned back

made her chin too prominent.

Then having her chin filed
down made her nose look too big.

And on and on and on.

If it was bumpy, make it
flat. If it was big, make it little.

If it was little, make it huge.

Until every inch of that
woman's body had been

whittled, tucked, lifted,
pinned, implanted, or sucked.

I mean, she had enough plastic
in her for a Tupperware party.

Mary Jo, are you sure these
are the sample draperies

we ordered for
the hotel account?

Oh, don't tell me I've
been ripped off again.

I knew Textile City was
too cheap to be true.

Honey, these are
absolutely beautiful.

Feel this fabric.

Morning, ladies.

Talk about gorgeous.

Why, thank you.

I see my new bronzing
gel is not going unnoticed.

Mary Jo, can we
these things ordered

in time for the hotel opening?

I'll call and put in
the order right now.

I just can't believe everything
is working out so perfectly.

And I can't believe you two are
getting so head up about curtains.

I mean is there anyone
whose life has been seriously

affected by the presence
or absence of motel curtains.

Oh, maybe Jimmy Swaggart.

I know, but I dropped it off by
the garage again this morning

because the
noise is still there.

As a matter of fact, it's worse.

Now, after it chings,
there's another noise.

All right, it goes
whoopa-whoopa.

Ching-ching-ching whoopa-whoopa.

Ching-ching-ching whoopa-whoopa.

[both] Ching-ching-ching
whoopa-whoopa.

Please.

Now. I'm on hold.

They got to get somebody.

Apparently, there is still

one man at Bailey
Hick's Auto and Body

who has not had the
opportunity to patronize me.

[mimics woman's voice] Hello.

Yes, this is Ms. Shively.
What seems to be the problem?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Well, now, I'm just a
silly little old woman thing.

I don't know nothing
about nothing.

But that knocking sound is
probably a loose rocker arm,

but it might be a bearing or
faulty piston. So check on the two.

Now, I assume that you
already checked the oil

so it's not the
hydraulic lifters.

Uh-huh.

Yes, you do that.

What?

Well, I'm sorry, but
I'm busy Friday night.

I already seen Tucker.

What? [gasps]

Get along with you. Shut up.

He was tickled by
my womanly expertise.

Thank you. I do appreciate that

although I'm not sure
it's gonna help or not.

You see, we've
established a little game,

the fellas and me
down at the garage.

I try to figure out what's
really wrong with my car,

and they try to figure
out my total net worth.

[chuckles]

I thought the best
of it was 2,995.

Well, apparently,
that's what it costs

for just one of the
men to rub his face

and say, "Well,
that's gonna cost you."

If I might interject? I have
some very, very important news

from the Transport and
Delivery Department.

Well, the rest of the
lamps for the hotel are here.

Now all we need is the rest of things
from Textile City, and we're raring to go.

You see, Julia,
we'll do this one job,

we'll be completely
out of the red.

Right, what is it?

[groans]

Anthony?

Oh, there is trouble
in Textile City.

What kind of trouble?

We're not gonna get
any curtains out of them.

The whole place is shut down.

The workers have
gone out on strike.

Oh, lordy. Oh, no.

Oh, those poor people.

I mean they won't be able to
work and buy money for food.

They're on strike?

If we can't get out curtains
we're gonna lose this hotel job.

Would someone please
explain to me what's happening.

What are you talking about?

Well, there's a group of
tackily dressed people out there

carrying signs and wandering
around in the bushes.

It's a picket line.

[tomato hits door]

Not to worry, Charlene.
They do have food.

Julia?

- Julia!
- What?

How come those curtain
people are picketing us?

For the same reason
there's floods and pestilence.

For the same reason
there are plagues of locusts.

For the same reason
tornados always hit trailer parks.

Well, that was an interesting
way to start the day.

Running through a line
of strangers calling me

the evil money-sucking,
cash-whoring, decorator monster.

I thought I snookered
them by going around back,

but no flies on them.

They had a platoon
ambush me by the back door.

What's with her?

Oh, she was up all
night fooling around.

Trying to find some one to
finish those curtains for us,

and she's just a big grouch.

She just woke up on the
wrong side of the desk.

Where's that
coffee pot gotten to?

You're welcome. I made
the blueberry ones myself.

Are you pouring
coffee for those people?

I can't help it. I
feel sorry for them.

I was talking to a fella outside

who said they pretty
much have to picket us

because we're Textile City's
biggest customer right now.

Walking around for
hours like that. It's tiring.

Yes, wouldn't it be awful

if they got so exhausted
they had to go home!

Julia, I'm surprise at you.

You usually have more
compassion for working people.

Well, I do. I have a
little more compassion

if these working people
were actually working.

You couldn't really call them
working people right now.

You could call them standing in
my azaleas and screeching people.

Well, I understand if they
got a problem with Textile City,

but I sure hate going
through that line.

Oh, you can't let
them get to you.

You have to put a little
smile on your face that says

"I'm way, way better than
you." And sail right on through.

Of course you know why
I'm so cool about all this?

No, Suzanne, we
can't imagine why.

I've been through
this a hundred times.

There were always
protestors just like this

outside of every pageant.

You know walking
around with signs,

setting their underwear on fire?

Just anything to
attract attention.

There was this woman. She hung
steaks and chops all over herself.

And she was carrying
a sign that said

"Beauty pageants
are meat markets."

Well, I just said
right back in her face,

"Honey, if this place
is a meat market,

"then you're looking at
grade-A prime rib right here."

That must of impressed her.

You bet it did.

She herself was mostly gristle.

Thank you, Suzanne.

I mean, it's not
that they get to me.

I mean, they do get to me.

I just never thought of myself

as person who would
cross a picket line.

That's very admirable, Mary Jo.

I myself have been
distinctly pro-labor all my life.

Expect for a brief
period this morning

when a cabbage
hit my windshield.

But if we can't get the curtains

and then the hotel doesn't open

and then the people
in the hotel lose work.

So it's complicated.

I mean I know y'all think
it's inappropriate for me

to be giving them
coffee, but it's just that two

of my brothers and
one of my sisters

worked in the ink
factor back home.

And I know how hard it was
for them to even get a union.

A lot of people got fired. One
fella even got beat up real bad.

And everybody in town was
saying that the ink workers

were no better than
Russian Communists.

And all they wanted was
10 more cents an hour.

10 cents.

I remember my little brother
coming home all just frazzled

and worn out covered with ink.

He was working in blue that year

He looked like a Smurf.

And him saying it's
just a lousy dime.

I guess I just never
thought I'd be on

the other side, but I am now.

I'm management stealing
dimes from Smurfs.

Oh, honey.

Do you think they
would talk to us?

I mean, if it's something small.

If it's just a dime a
hour or something.

I mean, maybe we
could talk to the strikers

and help work something out.

I'm leaving right now.

You're gonna have all
that riff-raff in this very room

and Charlene is gonna start serving
them Coke-Colas and baking them brownies.

And we might as well of turn this
whole place to a big USO for AF of LCIO.

That sounded like a
Tammy Wynette song.

[Julia] Gee, they sound
like such reasonable people.

Excuse me, ladies. I know
it's none of my business,

but there are two little
old Vietnamese ladies

laying in your drive way.

Oh, they've been
there all morning.

You know they look frail,

but when I put my Mercedes
in at 30 miles a hour.

They hopped up right quick.

Well, maybe, but I'm not gonna to be
able to get the van out to make deliveries.

Oh, it doesn't make
any difference, Anthony.

We don't have
anything to deliver.

In fact we might as well just
board this place up and go fishing.

We can't do anything with
that picket line out there.

Well, can't we
go to Textile City

and talk to their boss
about this whole thing?

I've been calling
them all morning.

Their phone is off the hook.

Well, I personally have had it.

I am driving right out there
to that factory right now

and talking to that Mr. Emery.

Expect that I don't have a car.

I'll drive you.

You will drive me?

Yeah, they know my Mercedes.

They're not gonna
try and mess with me.

Besides, I'm tired of all this
screaming and shouting out there,

and I'd like to tell these
people a thing or two.

Well, if you two are going,

then Charlene and I
might as well go, too.

Anthony, how do
you get to Textile City?

[phone rings]

It's not hard.

You just take 75 north then
turn off at the big chicken.

The big chicken?

Mary Jo, it's the
people about your car.

It's a chicken place
in a four-story chicken.

You can't miss it.

Hello.

On second thought,
maybe I better drive.

- Probably be best.
- I think so.

Mary Jo, you coming?

Yeah, I be right there. Just
warm the car. I'll be there.

[mob chanting]

No.

Absolutely not.

But this is a $150
more than you told me.

And I didn't ask for that.

Yes, I want my car.

[mutters]

Could you all hold it
down for just one second!

- [mob quiets]
- Thank you!

So, so the estimate
you gave me is...

Was just kind of a little
practical joke? Is that right?

Oh [laughs]

I say fine. Thank you.

Let her rip!

Are you sure this is the
right place? Nobody's here.

Yeah, this is it, all right.

Usually this room is
crammed full of little women

and big sewing machines.

- These are our curtains.
- They're almost finished.

We came here to talk to
Mr. Emery about his labor problems.

He is obviously not here.
We should just leave.

Yeah, this place
is kind of spooky.

It's like some ghostly
workroom where all the workers

have mysteriously
disappeared and scared away

by some unearthly force.

You might be standing here,

all the lights will
go on by themselves

and all the machines
will go on by themselves.

Charlene.

For Pete's sakes, stop
telling those stories.

You're just gonna
scare yourself.

I say we just take our curtains

and hit the road.

Suzanne, we cannot
just take our curtains.

We're not even
supposed to be here.

Anyway, what good would
they do us unfinished?

Well?

Let's finish them. You
sew, don't you, Charlene?

Uh-huh.

Mary Jo, that is a crazy idea.

Julia, we are desperate.

We have got to
have these curtains.

Now, Charlene and I sew.

These places use
mostly unskilled labor.

Suzanne is unskilled.

You may think that I
resent that, but I don't.

I am proud to say that none
of my social circle has skills.

Come on, how hard can it be.

Charlene. Charlene.

Suzanne, I told you
not to lean over so far.

You're sewing your
hair into the curtain.

Fine, Charlene, I'm
not a seamstress.

I'm helping to
do this to get out

of this hellhole
a little faster.

Well, I have a crick in my neck.

I can't see very well, either,
since my bulb burned out.

Well, Julia went
out to get a new one,

and Anthony's seeing
about turning the heat up.

I kind of like it cold.

Keeps the rats in their holes.

Can we please stop
making those rat references?

Suzanne, it wasn't
a rat you saw.

It was just a little
mouse like Mickey.

You like Mickey Mouse don't you?

Charlene, don't patronize me.

That wasn't Mickey
Mouse. That rat I saw,

he wasn't wearing little
pants and shoes and gloves.

He was eating a candy wrapper.

Mickey Mouse doesn't run around

because he can't
get into garbage cans

eating candy wrappers.

Wouldn't it be great if he did?

I mean, you know, if the guy
that wears that big mouse suit

at Disneyland acted
like a real rodent?

You know, instead
of shaking hands

and having his picture
taken with the kids,

he just stole candy
and hid under things.

Mary Jo, you're getting punchy.

I think we need something to eat

Forget about that lunchroom.

It's just a closet with two
old vending machines.

I just had a Butterfinger
with a little fur coat on it.

I don't care. I'm starving.

Here. Here,
Charlene. I'm through.

I have to go get
me some pork rinds

or something nutritious.

Suzanne, we can't use
these. They're all crooked

and they're sewn
on the wrong side.

Oh, no. Mine, too.

Oh, no.

Oh, I think mine's okay.

- Hello?
- Hi.

Are you working here now?

Um, yeah.

Uh, just for today.

Oh, me, too.

That's good.

Oh, you think so?

Yes, you'll get your
50 cents for that one.

50 cents?

Are you telling me that three
grown women just worked four hours

for 50 cents?

I once had a man
offer me $400 just to...

Suzanne.

Come on, let's
take a little break.

Go blow a week's pay
on some pork rinds.

- Hello.
- Hello.

I'm looking for my friends.

Some ladies just
went out for pork rinds.

Yes, that would be them.

Mr. Emery let's me use the
machine here sometimes.

I don't have one at
home like the other ladies.

Well, that's nice

that he would let you do your
personal sewing for yourself,

even though you're on strike.

That is your personal
sewing isn't it?

Yes, ma'am. It's personal.

I do these curtains
personal myself, every bit.

My daughter helps me
finish the hems, though.

She's a big help
for a little thing.

One week we did 25, her and me.

If we could keep that
up, we could even buy

a Chevy Chevette
with the extra money.

Mrs. Sugarbaker, hello.

Um, Margaret, you
can go home now.

But I need... Go home,
Margaret, uh, please.

Mrs. Sugarbaker, I
have wonderful news.

We maybe able to
fill your order after all.

At least 80% of it, but
it will be there on time.

That's amazing.

You're a miracle
worker, Mr. Emery.

How do you do it?

Well, I have my ways.

You know I'm very interested

in keeping your
business, Mrs. Sugarbaker.

And here at Textile
City the customer is king.

Or queen, of course.

You'll find, Mr. Emery,

that I'm not very interested
in being queen of anything.

Frankly, I'm much more
concerned right now

about how you
treat your subjects.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about
piecework, Mr. Emery.

I'm talking about taking
scared, desperate people

and paying them
not a hourly wage,

not a living wage, not
even a minimum wage,

but by the piece. Which I
believe, Mr. Emery, is illegal.

So don't think I'm going to be
taking my beautiful curtains today.

I think I'm going to be taking

my non-refundable
deposit check right now.

[sighs]

You are one tough
customer, Mrs. Sugarbaker.

I break my back trying
to fill this order for you

while I'm having considerable
problems of my own out there.

You come in here, obviously all
puffed up about some union crap

that is clearly none
of your business.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I hope you enjoy it when
you can't finish that job.

When that hotel
doesn't open on time

and when all that other
labor is out of work.

That's a very
compelling argument.

You know I was reciting it
to myself just this morning,

but there's a problem
with it. It doesn't wash.

See, basically
that argument goes,

"It's okay to be
unfair to a small group

"if that makes things run
smoother for a large group."

It sounds good until you realize
that's always been the excuse

for all the injustice
in the world.

You have to look
out for that argument

because ultimately
we're all small groups

and we're all labor.

So until you wake up and
take in that fact, Mr. Emery.

Textile City ain't big
enough for the both of us.

Good Lord, what time is it?

Quarter till 8.

How on earth did
it take four hours

to drive from Dalton to Atlanta?

It's my fault. I missed
the big chicken.

Well, that's a perfect
ending to this day.

Driving around in
a pitch-dark freeway

looking for a 40-foot
chicken to guide you home.

Then we had to drop Mary Jo
off at the garage to get her car.

I got to stay I didn't
like leaving her there.

That Bailey Hick's Auto
and Body are nothing,

but a bunch of
criminals. In my opinion.

And of course I know
where of I speak.

Suzanne, something
wrong with my ear?

What are you talking about?

Well, you're holding
your head like that

and I feel like you're looking at
my ear. It's making me nervous.

Charlene, my head
is stuck this way

from spinning four hours
at a sewing machine.

I know. Who would have
thought it would be so hard

to hem some dang-gum curtains?

Yeah, kind of makes you wish those
picketers were back here again tonight.

Will it make you think differently
knowing what you know now?

- Sure would.
- Me, too.

What do we know now?

Suzanne, how would you
like to work in a place like that?

Or anywhere, for that matter.

I would not care for that.

I didn't think so.

Hey, everybody.

Hi.

Hey, Mary Jo.
Well, I just phoned

and told Jack Gilmore
we can't do his hotel.

So I guess that's that.

Did you get your
car out all right?

Well, let me tell
you about that.

I went in there to Bailey
Hick's Auto and Body.

And they said,
"Well, Ms. Shively,

your final bill is $506.31.

And I thought to myself,
When am I gonna say no?

At what point am I gonna
say that is too much?

What is my breaking point?

Well, I'll tell you what
my breaking point is.

My breaking point is $506.31.

Now, I would have been
happy to pay $506.30,

but they just got cocky.

They just went too
far, and I said no.

And it felt real good.

Mary Jo, they're just
gonna hold your car hostage.

You won't be able
to visit it or anything.

No, I'm gonna get my car.
They're open late tonight.

We're all gonna get the car.

- Are we gonna eat first?
- Nope.

We're gonna go over
there to the auto and body,

and we're gonna throw a
picket line up over there.

And then we're gonna march
and chant "Free the Shively Volvo."

Free the Shively Volvo.

[together] Free
the Shively Volvo.

That's good. That's good.

And we might just make
use of these a little, too.

Mary Jo.

Now, Julia, we're not
doing this just for ourselves.

We're doing this for every woman

whoever went into a garage

and just took out her wallet

and said "Here."

Well... Well, okay,
for those women.

And the little guy.

And the Smurfs.

Well, I'm sorry, but I
had a very difficult day

and I do not feel like
marching around in a circle

around Bailey
Hick's Auto and Body.

I'm too tired.

Oh, all right,

but I get to lie down
in his driveway.

That's our girl.

[together] Free the Shively
Volvo. Free the Shively Volvo.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA