Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 20 - Stand and Fight - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[jackhammer drilling]

Man, they are really tearing
up that street out there.

I could barely get
through the construction.

Where are you all
parking these days?

Ms. Dandridge over at the bank

said we could use their
garage until the street's fixed.

I sure wish they'd
hurry up and fix it.

I hate having
that street torn up.

I hate parking in
that bank's garage.

Those big concrete parking
structures always spook me.



When we work late, it
gets real dark in there.

We won't have to work late

as soon as we get
finished with D.P. LeBoof.

What's the big deal about
D.P. LeBoof anyway?

He could throw a lot
of business our way

if he wants to.

Normally, a developer
as big as he is

would choose a much
bigger decorating firm.

Why'd he choose us?

He saw an interview Mary Jo gave

in that little bitty magazine

Northwest Central
Atlanta Design.

He liked her picture.
He liked what she said.

He even wanted her to go to
New Orleans at his expense.



He's that impressed
with Mary Jo?

Suzanne, Mary
Jo's very impressive.

She's creative, hardworking,
and a consummate professional.

Where is she now anyway?

She had to go to a Ticket
Time in Sandy Springs

to pick up our Judds
tickets for tonight.

That doesn't sound
very professional to me,

taking a day off from
work to go somewhere

and buy tickets to
a hillbilly festival.

Well, maybe she
got caught in traffic.

And, Suzanne, the
Judds are not hillbillies.

They're great.

They always win those
country music awards.

We're looking forward to this.

Aren't the Judds great, Mary Jo?

Huh? Yeah, yeah. They're great.

Mary Jo, what's the matter?

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.

It's just been
one of those days.

[Charlene] What do you
mean? What happened?

Oh, you know. I
couldn't find my keys,

and the traffic was real bad,

and then I got lost on
my way to Sandy Springs,

and I got mugged.

Well, you know, the ticket place

was in one of
those little mini-malls

where most of the
shops are boarded up,

and there wasn't
many people around.

I thought this guy
was following me

because when I stopped
to look in a store window,

he stopped to look
in a store window.

And then, when I came out,
he was just standing there,

and I thought, Well,
maybe he just happens

to be standing there
waiting for somebody.

Was he?

Yeah... me.

Did he hurt you?

No, no, I'm all right.

My wallet and checkbook
were in my tote bag,

so I didn't lose much.

I'm just so mad at myself.

Why? You didn't so anything.

Exactly. I froze.

I mean, he wasn't
even a big guy.

He was little and skinny,

and still, I was so scared,
I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't even scream.

Why not?

Well, because, I mean, you know,

if he wasn't following me
and I screamed like that,

why, I'd be
embarrassed to death.

Why, he'd think I was crazy.

So what? So what if some
skinny dude from Sandy Springs

doesn't think that
you're Princess Diana.

It's better than getting mugged.

You should have a lot of
say on this issue, Anthony.

You'd have Mary Jo tearing
around Gwinnett County

screaming the
pants off every man

who happens to stop and
look in a hardware store window.

Suzanne, I have met...

At very close
quarters, I might add...

Many a criminal mind,

and I just want the four of you

to keep your eyes open

and be able to
defend yourselves.

Well, I can't fight. I've
never been able to.

Why, Mary Jo, remember when
Hans Winchester attacked you?

You broke a lamp over his head.

Well, I knew Hans Winchester.

And I didn't think he
was going to kill me.

But I can't fight a stranger.

I mean, my mother taught me

that fighting was not ladylike,

and that has really
stuck in my head.

Oh, I just want to forget
the whole thing happened.

All right.

Well, we can still go
see the Judds tonight.

- Won't that be fun?
- Ah, gee, Charlene,
I don't know.

- That's all the way downtown.
- I'll drive.

That auditorium's
in kind of a bad area.

Mary Jo, we've been to that
auditorium a dozen times.

- It's okay.
- I know.

I just don't want to
take any more chances

than I have to, all right?

Okay.

Maybe you need to talk
some more about this.

I just want to forget
about the whole thing.

Well, she says she's
all right, but she's not.

I mean, she won't go downtown.
She won't go anywhere.

Now she's even trying to get
out of going to New Orleans.

I thought she had to
go for Mr. D.P. LeBoof.

She wants Julia to go instead.

And Mary Jo loves New Orleans.

Now she thinks
it's too dangerous.

It is dangerous.

A lot of things are
dangerous for a woman alone.

That is why you always
have to be prepared.

Now, what would you do

if somebody was
coming after you?

Scream for help?

Uh-uh. You can't depend
on anybody to help you.

Well, I'd run away.

You can't always get away.

Well, I'd kill him with
a rolled-up magazine.

No.

No, I saw this thing on TV

where spied learned
how to kill somebody

- with a rolled-up magazine.
- Mm-hmm.

What's that?

This is the name
of a special class

that they're teaching down
at the community center.

I help out there sometimes.

[Julia] Suzanne, we
were told to dress casual.

Julia, open toes.

Isn't this exciting?

Reminds me of when
I was a Camp Fire Girl.

I mean, we learned self-defense.

For months afterward, all
of us little Camp Fire Girls

would jump out and
pretend to attack each other.

Did you ever learn
any of this stuff?

I had a little
self-defense in P.E.

They taught us to flip a
guy over our shoulder.

You can flip a guy
over your shoulder?

Not really. My gym
partner felt sorry for me

because I was
going to flunk P.E.

if I couldn't flip her
over my shoulders,

so I just held up my hands,

and she kind of jumped
over my shoulders.

I mean, I don't think
it's all that practical...

I mean, unless I get mugged

by Mary Lou Retton or something.

That's not very helpful, is it?

They taught you that in school?

Well, I didn't take
it real seriously.

I mean, this same
school was telling me

that I could survive a direct
hit from an atomic bomb

if I just crawled under my desk.

Hi. Looks like everyone's here.

Hello, everyone.
I'm Gail Forrester.

Thanks for coming
to our demonstration.

I know that we have some
new faces here tonight,

and we also have some
graduates of our program

who are going to
be showing you all

what we learn in this course.

Uh, excuse me. I
have a question.

- Yeah.
- Uh, well, uh,

I'm kind of little, you know,

and I just know
that there is no way

I'm going to be able to flip
that guy over my shoulder.

Don't worry. Neither can I.

We focus on lower body
strength in this class.

And don't worry
about being too little.

Most of the people
who start off this course

start by thinking,
Oh, I'm too little,

I'm too old, I'm too fat,

or I'm too embarrassed
to defend myself.

Now, that's a real
common problem.

Or they even say
"I've got a disability."

I thought that I couldn't do it

because I'm blind.

But by the end of the course,

I was the top of my class,

and they asked
me if I'd help teach.

By the way, this is Rob,

and he's going to be
our mugger tonight.

How do you do?

I can't believe I'm going
to let this guy mug me.

I mean, this is not going
to be like a purse snatching.

This is going to
be like he's Godzilla

and I'm a small Japanese city.

Okay, Rob and I are going
to go through this once,

to show you what you're
going to be able to do

at the end of six weeks.

Now I need all my
graduates down here

to help me out.

Raise your hands,
use your voice,

and you breathe.

I got you!

No!

Fight! Elbow! Elbow!

No face! No face!

- Now, relax and...
- [Women cheer]

[whistle blows]

Look! No!

911!

[Woman] All right!

[Women cheering]

All right. Is everybody
still breathing?

You probably
noticed that I started

that I started by yelling no,

and then I finished
by yelling 911.

That's to remind you

or anyone who might be with you

that when the attack
is over, go, get help.

Okay, what we're going to do now

is we're going to
walk a newcomer

- through the procedure.
- How about you?

I just had a feeling I
was going to be picked.

Tell me, do you get
any kind of prize for this?

Yeah. You get the
prize of knowing

you can take care of yourself.

Oh, then I really don't
think I need this course.

I know it's scary.

Women are socialized
not to be aggressive,

not to hurt anyone.

Yeah, but I carry a big handgun.

Ah, geez.

My sister has overcome
her socialization.

Yeah.

[Charlene] When did
Suzanne get a handgun?

She traded in the
semi-automatic.

Well, at least they're
getting smaller.

See, I carry it in
my purse right here.

So I don't think
there's any reason

for me to be wallowing
around the sidewalk

messing up my hair,
thank you very much.

That's unloaded now, okay?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Let's go.

Oh. Well. Okay. Just a second.

[muttering]

Could you hold this?

[muttering]

Ah ha ha ha.

Okay, buddy, freeze.

Miss, my dear, you've
already been mugged.

There's a LifeSaver
stuck in there.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Well, now, I could have
cleaned out my purse

if I'd known ahead of time.

That's the reason you're
going to defend yourself

without weapons.

Gee.

Could I have another
volunteer, please?

- I'll do it, I'll do it.
- All right, come on down.

Let me have that.

- No!
- Oh, God.

[laughing] Good.

Good. Good.

Now, our first lady
forgot to say no.

A problem she's had before.

This is fun. This is what
we did in Camp Fire Girls.

Yes, but this time I
want you to really fight,

so you're going to punch,
and you're going to kick,

and you're going to
claw as hard as you can.

We didn't do that
in Camp Fire Girls.

I know. Rob's well
padded. You can't hurt him.

With his mask off,
he's Rob your friend.

With it on, he's mean,

and I want you to fight
him as hard as you can.

You got it? Put
it on, he's mean.

Take it off, he's nice again.

- Like a panty girdle.
- Yeah.

- So you're Julia.
- Yes, I am. How do you do?

- Nice to meet you.
- Ready?

- I believe so.
- [Gail] Okay.

Say no.

No.

Don't be afraid to
be too aggressive.

Hey, bitch, I'm
going to get you!

- Ooh!
- Wow!

Yes.

We're looking at some
serious talent here.

- Thank you.
- [Charlene] Yay, Julia!

- [Rob] Okay.
- [Woman] Good!

[Charlene] All right,
Mary Jo, it's your turn.

[Gail] Okay, Mary Jo, come on.

All right, Mary Jo, get him!

Beat him up! Beat him up!

Okay, Mary Jo, you ready?

Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely. Definitely.

I mean, I... I need to do this

so that I know if I
was in this situation

that I wouldn't freeze up.

So it's good I'm doing this.

- It's good.
- Okay.

Okay, I want you
to raise your hands.

Use your voice. Yell "No!"

Mary Jo, yell "No!"

Mary Jo? Mary Jo?

Is she still here?

[door closes]

No, she's not.

Charlene, come here and
choke me around the neck.

Suzanne, I'm busy.
I don't have time

to practice your self-defense
with you right now.

Go get Julia to choke
you around the neck.

She's off with Anthony

getting the lamps
for D.P LeBoof.

Besides, I don't like
it when Julia does it.

She get a little bit too
much into it, you know?

Come on, Charlene.

Charlene, why are you so
interested in this course now?

I mean, you didn't even
want to go the first time.

Now every time I see you,

it's "Charlene, threaten me.

"Charlene, come
at me with a knife,

Charlene, mug me
at the Ready Teller."

Well, you know.

I heard that three out of
four women gets attacked,

and if that's going
to happen to me,

well, then I want to be able
to protect the merchandise.

Come on. Just do it, do it.

No, do it from behind.
I'm better at that one.

You know, Suzanne,

your average mugger is not
going to be taking requests.

- Hi, Julia.
- Hello.

Those Mr. LeBoof's lamps?

Yes, they are. I think
they came out very nicely.

I hope he's pleased.

Oh!

Okay, Julia, come on.

Come at me with a
knife. I dare you. Come on.

Suzanne, I appreciate
your enthusiasm

for our anti-mugging course,

and I must admit that
occasionally this week

I have enjoyed choking you.

But this is a place of business.

Julia, you don't
have to practice.

I mean, I got to tell
you, I was impressed.

I knew you were tough,

but I thought you
had too good of taste

to, you know, kick
somebody in the groin.

That's what the rapists and
muggers count on, Charlene.

They count on my
having too good taste

and your not wanting
to hurt anybody

and Suzanne not wanting
to roll around the sidewalk,

Mary Jo being so
terrified she can't move.

They count on all of that.

It is unbelievable to me

that every 60
seconds in this country

a woman is sexually assaulted.

60 seconds? How'd you know that?

It was in that
brochure they gave us.

- Didn't you read it?
- No. My pig ate my brochure.

You know, I think that women
are just about ready to say

we're mad as hell and we're
not going to take it anymore.

If you come up to us
with a gun or a knife,

you better be prepared

to use it right then and there

because we are not
going anywhere with you.

And we are not going to be
dug up, raped and mutilated,

months later on some rural road.

We are going to be
prepared to stand and fight

with dignity...

In the parking lot and
the shopping centers

and the driveways of America.

But, buddy, you better
be prepared to do the same

because even at the very least,

one of us is going
to be walking funny.

Gee, Julia, you sure
are militant about this.

That's right. I am.

I wish we could give Mary
Jo some of what you've got.

Well, you know, at least
she's learning the techniques.

Yeah, but she doesn't
have any faith in them.

She told me herself she
doesn't believe they'd really work.

Oh, yes, I think those
lamps will really work

with Mr. LeBoof's wallpaper.

Oh, yeah, they pick up
the motif real nice, yeah.

- Oh, hi, Mary Jo.
- Hi.

Talking about me and the
mugging class, are you?

- Uh-huh.
- [Julia] That's right.

Now, Mary Jo,
you're just being silly.

All these techniques
they're teaching us,

they work just fine.

Anthony, isn't it true

that if a man gets
kicked down there,

he is debilitated, right?

Suzanne, I would be debilitated

if I just saw another man
get kicked down there.

As a matter of fact,

that might be a new
defense technique.

If somebody comes after you,

you just turn around

and kick the smallest
man that you see,

and all the other men
around you will double over,

and then you can escape.

And call 911!

Yeah, because he's
going to need some help.

If kicking a man is such a
great defense technique,

how come you almost
never see that on TV?

You're all the time
seeing women get raped,

but you almost never see
a man get kicked there.

Oh, I can answer that...

Because the TV network
censors won't allow it.

That's the way it used to be.

How do you know that?

Because Rhonda Faye Naugles,

who graduated high school
with me in Poplar Bluff,

is in fact married
to a network censor,

which in itself is incredible,

since Rhonda Faye
had the filthiest mouth

of anyone I ever knew.

I mean, she would
even answer roll call

with "None of your
damn business."

- [Mary Jo] That's incredible.
- [Charlene] I know.

No, no, that they can show
a woman being raped on TV,

but they can't show a
woman defending herself

by kicking a man in a
certain sensitive area.

You know what gets me even more

is that twisted ankle business.

That is so annoying.

What twisted ankle business?

Oh, you know how
they always show

some young blonde
thing in high heels

with her bosom
popping out of the dress,

you know, running away from
some monster or killer or something,

and she's doing pretty good,

she's making pretty good time,

until she twists that ankle.

And then she just lies there

till the monster
polishes her off.

I mean, I guess
that's what you get

for having big breasts

and running around
on 3-inch stills.

What do you want
them to do, Mary Jo,

stand up and beat the
tar out of Frankenstein?

Yes. I want a movie

where some woman stands up

and beats the tar
out of Frankenstein

or Jason or Freddy
Kruger or whatever

and does it before
her friends get killed.

I want a movie

where a woman with a
gun knows how to use it

and doesn't let
some man wrench it

out of her wimpy little wrist.

I want a movie where
the hero is Charlene,

not Charles Bronson.

I kind of like that idea.

Yeah.

But it's a cinch I
won't be starring in it.

Oh, Mary Jo,
don't feel that way.

I'll practice with you.

Uh-uh. Not you, Suzanne.

I am planning on having
children some day.

[muttering]

Thank you, Anthony,

but I've practiced
and practiced,

and Rob and Gail
have been great.

It's just... not happening.

Well, maybe you'd do
better as the attacker.

Now, I got an idea.

Why don't you come
at me with a knife

and I'll throw you
across the room?

Suzanne, you are just
getting out of control.

I know. I can't help it.

It's like the old pageant days.

You know, I just
got to be the best.

You know, Mary Jo,

I think with Rob it's
hard to react all the way

because you know
it's a staged situation.

You didn't have a problem.

Mary Jo, it's not over yet.

You still have a whole
week till graduation.

- You can do it.
- Mm-mm. Nope, nope.

It's just like that
old P.E. class.

I'm going to flunk.

Oh, will you cut that out?

I'm sorry.

[car door closes]

[car engine starts]

[ding]

Oh. Go ahead.

I'm just waiting for my
German Shepherd. I...

Here, Killer.

[whistling]

[ding]

Oh. You again.

I guess he just took
the stairs. I'll be...

Hey, just a minute. Come here.

No!

Back up, buddy!

Lay a finger on me,

and I'll kick you so hard,

your whole family will feel it.

- Get away!
- Okay. Okay.

911!

Julia!

- Julia!
- Mary Jo?

I did it. I did it.

There was this
man in the garage,

and he followed me
out of the elevator,

and he touched out,

and I just let him have it.

- Mary Jo.
- Yeah. He went away.

I didn't panic. I
went into position.

I yelled "No!"

I didn't freeze.

I didn't panic one bit.

I just heard all of
you cheering me on.

Mary Jo!

Oh, it was great.

I wasn't embarrassed at all.

I didn't cave in.

I just knew when it
came right down to it,

I was worth fighting for,
and I wasn't embarrassed.

Mary Jo, I'm so proud of you.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, that's D.P. LeBoof.

He's come into town early.

I'm taking him out
to dinner tonight.

I was going to tell him

you weren't going
to New Orleans,

but now I can tell him
with you that you are.

- Hello, Julia.
- Hi, Mr. LeBoof.

Mary Jo, this is the gentleman

we've been talking
about for so long.

We've met.

Now I'm embarrassed.

In the elevator over
at the parking garage.

I thought I recognized you

from the picture
in the magazine.

Oh, Mr. LeBoof,
I... I'm so sorry.

I've been taking this
course... Ms. Shively,

I have a mother, I have a wife,

I have two daughters.

I should know better than
to go up to a strange woman

in a deserted parking garage,

even if I thought
I recognized you.

What you did was great.

Oh, thank you.

A lot of men would
have been mad at me.

Mad? Don't be silly.

I was terrified.

But seriously, don't sell us
men too short, Ms. Shively.

Any decent male who cares
about women and their safety

is not going to get mad
at you for defending it.

That's right.

You ought to be proud
of yourself, Mary Jo.

Well, I am.

I'm proud I mistook you
for a lowlife scum mugger.

That's the spirit.

And I'm proud

I threatened to
kick you senseless.

- You bet.
- As a matter of fact,

I would have been very proud
if I had kicked you senseless.

- Mary Jo.
- What?

Save something
for Graduation Day.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

[all] Yes!

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA