Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 17 - The Engagement - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

- Did you see this, Julia?
- What is it?

It's a new list of the 10
Worst Dressed Women.

No, I didn't, Suzanne.

And furthermore, I could
not be less interested

of the ravings of some
self-important fashion designer

who skitters out of
obscurity once a year

to compile a
cruel, snickering list

that belongs in a
high school slam book

but for some reason gets printed

in respectable newspapers.



You know, he's just
always coming down

on, like, Lisa Bonet,
Cher, Liz Taylor.

Where does this guy get off

saying these people
are the worst dressed?

Hasn't this dude ever
been to the bus station?

You all are no fun at all.

I bet you when
Charlene gets here,

she'll want to hear about it.

I don't think so.

I think she's got other
things on her mind today.

- Like what?
- I promised not to tell

because she wants
to tell you herself,

but all I can tell you is

that she had herself
a really big weekend,



and she has some
really big news.

Come on, give us a hint.

If I do, you'll guess,
and then she'll kill me.

I can't give hints.
Once, when I was little.

My father brought my
mother a watch, you know,

and told me to keep it a secret,

and I just gave her two hints.

I said "You wear
it on your wrist,

and it tells time."

I still can't figure out
how she guessed that.

- [giggling]
- [Julia] Good morning,
Charlene.

[muffled screeching,
stamping feet]

Mary Jo says you
have some news for us.

Ooh... hoo!

Aha. Must be good news?

Ohh!

Charlene, if this
is something stupid

like Pam Ewing's
coming back to Dallas,

I don't want to hear it.

I'm getting married!

You're getting married?

I didn't tell them!

It just about killed
me, but I didn't!

When did this happen?

Friday night.

I told Mary Jo already,

but I couldn't
get a hold of you,

and I wanted to tell
y'all in one big swoop

I'm getting married!

Charlene, that's wonderful.

- I'm so happy for you.
- Thank you.

Oh, nice job, Charlene.

Now, who are you marrying?

Bill.

Suzanne.

Well, I thought so,

but it never hurts to ask.

Charlene, I want
you to sit down here

and tell us all about it.

It was just like out of a
storybook, you know?

We went to dinner
at the Ritz Carlton,

and afterwards we were dancing,

and Bill got out the
ring on the dance floor

and asked me,

and then he had the bandleader

play "I'll Be Seeing You,"

and everybody cried, and...

I can't tell you
all about it now.

I got to make arrangements.

We're going to
Virginia this weekend.

I'm going to meet Bill's mother.

Oh, that is exciting.

You'll just have
a wonderful time.

Yeah. She's real proper
old Virginia money,

so I got to get the right
clothes and everything.

Oh, Charlene, she's
going to love you.

Oh, I hope so. I'll tell you all

every single detail
when I get back.

It's okay if I go, isn't it?

My desk is straight
and everything.

Of course it is. How
often do you get married?

- Yeah.
- Don't answer that.

[Mary Jo] Why is
it I feel a little sad?

I guess it's because
we've all been together,

all of us, single, for so long.

I mean, we've all been married.

You've been married.
I've been married.

Of course you raise the
group average wherever you go.

Charlene getting married.
That is really something else.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

[Suzanne] Yeah.

Makes me think what kind

of lime-green, puffy-sleeved
hillbilly prom dress

she's going to want me
to wear as a bridesmaid.

I believe Mary Jo was referring

to the way that the
wedding of a friend

makes you re-evaluate
your own life.

Mm. And Charlene
called me Friday night,

so I had the whole
weekend to re-evaluate,

so I've thought about it,
and I've made a decision.

I've just got to
get back out there.

Out where?

Out there. Dating hell.

What about J.D.?

It's going to be pretty
hard to date J.D.

while he's working
in Cincinnati.

I thought that
was just for a year.

Well, you know, you
never can tell with baseball.

Anyway, he came
over Saturday night,

and we had a long talk

about how we've been
together for three years

and how he helped
me recover from Ted

and I helped him
recover from Janet,

and we agreed.

On what?

That we're both fully recovered.

We finally had to admit

that when you get to be our age,

there is only so
long you can date.

Then you either have to go
forward with the relationship

or break up, so...
So we're breaking up.

Well, don't bust
out crying about it.

You seem awful happy.

Well, I will miss him a lot,

but on the other hand, I
do feel kind of energized,

you know, like you do

when you're about to
start something new.

I'm just going to go
out there and have fun

and be casual.

Mary Jo, I hope you don't mean

you're going to be
totally undiscriminating.

Of course not, Julia.

If all I wanted was
meaningless sex,

I would have stayed
married to Ted.

I don't mean to rain on this
one-woman dating parade,

but where exactly
are all these men

you're going to be casual with?

For your information, I
have already been asked out.

By whom?

Ken Rayburn.

Kenny Rayburn at
the wallpaper store?

Yeah. What's the
matter with that?

Nothing, except he's
about 15 years old.

He is not. He's in his 20s.

He's i-in his late 20s.

And I don't think I need
anybody's approval.

Julia, do you think
that's all right?

Well, Mary Jo, Reese is
12 years older than I am...

- 10.
- And... And nobody seems to care.

If this equality means anything,

then it means that a
woman should be able

to go out with a man
younger than she is

without being subjected
to catty remarks.

Thank you.

Of course, I haven't
ever seen Reese

delivering wallpaper
on a skateboard.

It's easy, Charlene.
Just remember,

keep your elbows off the table,

and don't drink your
finger bowl. Okay?

I wouldn't be so worried

except Bill said when he
brought his first wife home,

his Aunt Phoebe
tried to foul her up

by laying out a
22-piece place setting.

22 pieces? Boy, these
people are hard core.

I know. That's why
I have to practice.

I mean, I'm no slouch.

I used to help my mama
polish her wedding silver.

But there would
always be these utensils

in that big velvet box

that I never even saw
the rest of the year...

Little pointy forks and spoons

with long handles
with holes in them

and these things
that looked like darts

that I still don't know
what they were, you know?

I just don't want
Mrs. Stillfield

to think I wasn't raised right.

If there are darts
on that table,

I want to know
what to do with them.

[door opens]

- Hi, everybody. How are you?
- [all] Hi, Bill.

Ready to go, hon?

Yeah. Ready as I'll ever be.

I hate to rush you,

but traffic to the airport's
going to be clogged.

Yeah, you guys better
get going. And have fun.

We will. Wish you
were all going with me.

Oh, Charlene, now that's silly.

You're going to have
the time of your life.

Those women are
going to eat her alive.

Suzanne, she's just
meeting his mother.

You make it sound

like some kind of Iron
Man endurance test.

Well, Mary Jo, this
is not the kind of thing

that you have to
worry about anymore.

I'm sure your boyfriend's
mother and you

are probably about the same age.

Suzanne, please,

I only went out with
Kenny Rayburn once.

By the way, you never
told us how that went,

not that it's any
of our business.

Not that great.

He kept calling me M.J.,

and then we went
out to this rock concert

and got seated directly in front

of this giant
4,000-pound loudspeaker.

After that, the nerve
deafness was so bad,

I couldn't even hear that guy

on the little drive-thru
thing at Taco Bell.

There. You know, it
was a one-time thing,

just casual.

M.J. Shively.

That's her.

"Love you, babe,
from you-know-who."

This doesn't look very casual.

M.J.

Well, how was the
trip up, Sharlene?

It's Charlene, Aunt Phoebe.

Charlene. I see.

Oh, it was great.

We had wonderful weather,

and Bill's such
a wonderful pilot,

we took his new
plane up. It was...

Oh, Bill, you promised
not to buy that

until we talked about it.

I'm sorry. Was I not
supposed to say anything?

That's all right, Charlene.

It's just that Caroline
Fields has a plane

that Bill was
thinking about buying.

An old friend.

I certainly thought
she was more than that.

My goodness, everyone thought
you and Caroline would marry

before Charlene
here... How shall I say it?

Uh, swept you off your feet.

She was a beautiful girl.

She was boring as hell.

She collected spoons
from all over the world.

Caroline was from a
lovely old Virginia family.

The Richmond Fields.

Flies planes,
breeds Bedlingtons,

summa cum laude
from Sarah Lawrence.

Who are your people, dear?

Uh, the Fraziers from
Poplar Bluff, Missouri.

My mother was a Hawg.

I mean... I mean, her
last name was Hawg,

before she married Daddy.

I know it's a funny name.

We have all kinds of
jokes about my family.

My grandpa used to call
my mother and her brothers

when they were out playing

by going "Hey, you little Hawgs.

Soo pig, sooey!"

It's just a family joke.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Dear, you don't need to
do Dorothy Mae's job for her.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just helping out.

This soup looks delicious.

[gasp]

Charlene, I've told
you and told you.

That's not funny.

[Charlene] I just feel
kind of alone, Julia.

It's so good to
hear a friendly voice.

Tomorrow?

Well, Bill's mother wants me

to go horseback riding with her,

only it's not what she said.

She just turned to me
in the middle of dinner

while they were wiping
the potato soup off me

and said, "Tell me, Charlene,
do you have a habit?"

and I said "No,
I'm just nervous."

Then she and her sister
looked at each other

like I'd just scratched my back

with my fork or something.

Now... Now, Julia, if
you go somewhere,

you just leave a number
where I can reach you, okay?

Sort of like a 24-hour
etiquette hotline.

Okay. Thanks.

I'll call you real soon. Bye.

[knock on door]

J-J-Just a minute.

Yes. Come in

Hi. I just wanted to make
sure you were all right

- after all that...
- Get out.

Get out of my room!

Was it something I said?

You can't be in
here. I'm in my robe.

Your mama's going
to think I'm cheap.

Your aunt will probably
have me arrested.

Charlene, they know
I've seen you in your robe.

You told them that?
No wonder they hate me!

They don't hate you.

I'm not from an old family.

Now, Charlene, we've
talked about that, remember?

There's no such
thing as an old family.

Everybody's family's

just as old as everybody else's.

- It's silly.
- Yeah, yeah.

They want you to marry that
Caroline What's-Her-Name,

and maybe that's
not such a bad idea.

I don't breed Bedlingtons.

I don't even know
what a Bedlington is,

and I'm sure if I did,

I couldn't get two of
them to go on a blind date,

much less breed.

Bill, get off this bed.

Have you just
completely lost your mind?

What if your mama
came in here right now?

I guess we'd have
to get married.

That's not funny.
I'm not kidding.

If you spend another
second in here,

you're going to
ruin my reputation,

whatever's left of it.

Charlene, I'm crazy
about your reputation.

Don't change a thing.

Just get out of my
room and go on.

All my friends told me
this wouldn't happen

until after we got married.

Just go.

[knock on door]

I mean it.

If you get in this bed
with me, I'll scream!

Are you expecting someone?

No. Uh, I thought you
were... Never mind.

I just wanted to see if you
had everything you needed.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

I'm... I'm fine, thank
you very much.

Towels, blankets.

I wouldn't want you
to freeze to death.

[electricity fizzling]

Oh, dear.

Thank goodness we still
have these old gas lamps.

Oh.

You know, this house
is over 200 years old.

Our electricity is
always going out.

Oh, that's okay. I'm used to it.

Lights go out every
once in a while.

Anyone can forget
to pay an electric bi...

We always pay our bills, dear.

- The lines are old.
- Of course.

They said you were
an "old line" family.

Ha!

- Just a joke.
- Very amusing.

Well, I'll just leave you now.

And, of course, Bill
and Phoebe and I

will be staying in the
main part of the house,

and you'll have this whole
wing to yourself tonight.

We won't be able to
hear you if you call,

so I wanted to be sure

that you were all
set for the night.

I'm fine, thank you.

- Good night.
- Good night.

[door closes]

- [Suzanne] Mary Jo.
- What?

Kenny called. Again.

This is getting out of hand.

I went putt-putt
golfing last night.

And that is as low
as I'm going to go.

I mean, you know,
he's not even that young.

He's only a couple of years
younger than you, Anthony.

He just acts young.

The years between 25 and 30

are different for
different people.

I myself am unusually mature.

I have an apartment, furniture,

a very good job here

as a delivery man
and dating consultant.

But I'm also aware
that a lot of guys my age

live with three other guys

in a house with
mattresses on the floor

and a brassiere thrown
across the chandelier.

I myself would not
want to live that way.

He lives with three other guys.

They have no furniture.

Yeah, well, if I wanted to live

with three or four
rowdy single guys

in a large bare room with
mattresses on the floor,

I would have stayed in prison.

What are you going
to do, Mary Jo?

Give him his
fraternity pin back?

I did not accept that pin.

He gave it to me as a joke.

I think.

Anyway, I... I'm
going to tell him

I'm not going to
see him anymore.

When?

I'll tell him tonight.

He asked me to come over there.

Him and his roommates
are having a few people over.

I don't want to go alone.

Julia, what are
you doing tonight?

Tonight? Nothing, I think.

That was Charlene on the phone.

She said to say hi to everybody.

Boy, those Stillfield women
sure are riding her hard.

If there's anything
I cannot abide,

it's people who use etiquette

as a club with which
to bash other people.

The whole point of good manners

is to make people
feel comfortable.

It sounds like Bill's
mother and his aunt

are just trying to
intimidate Charlene.

Our Charlene, who has more
natural grace and manners

than Emily Post and
Amy Vanderbilt combined.

I thought you said she
dropped the soup in her lap.

Well, it wasn't her fault.
I'm sure it was nerves.

And didn't she catch her
bedroom curtains on fire?

Well, Suzanne, that
was not her fault.

She's never operated
a gas lamp before.

What about that
incident with the horse?

Suzanne, occasionally,
horses do have to be destroyed.

I do not think Charlene should
be held responsible for that.

Sounds to me like
they're just trying

to make Charlene look foolish,

and doing a very
good job, I might add.

Well, I intend to be on call

to help her through
whatever little traps

they may have planned.

Mrs. Stillfield will soon learn

that not only does
Charlene have breeding,

but Charlene's
friends and associates

have as much breeding,
taste, and elegance

as any of her old-money snobs.

Now, Mary Jo, what was
it you wanted me to do?

Go to a keg party with me.

[loud music, chatter]

We don't have to stay long!

Mary Jo, you're going to
owe me big after this one.

Keg coming through.

You know, when I was in my 20s,

they had parties just like this.

The dancing was different,
the music was different,

the clothes were different,

but the parties
were just the same.

And I didn't go to them then.

I'm sorry. I mean,
you know, look,

we'll just... I'm
going to find Ken,

and then we can get out of here.

- Good idea.
- Thanks.

In the meantime,
I'll just stand here

and have this lovely aperitif.

Mary Jo! You made it!

Hi, Ken.

Why, Mrs. Sugarbaker.

M.J. didn't say you were coming.

A sort of last-minute decision.

My symphony tickets fell out.

Bum me out. I hate
it when that happens.

Uh, Ken, could we talk?

Oh. I'll just go to
the powder room.

Excuse me.

Uh, listen, I really don't
know how to say this,

and it doesn't reflect
on you personally,

and I sure don't
want you to be upset,

but, you know, I
really don't think

that we should see
each other anymore.

Okay.

That's it?

Sure. If you want. No big deal.

You want another beer?
They're tapping a fresh keg.

No, thanks. I'm fine.

Okay. I'm going to get
one. See you around.

Yeah.

Mrs. Sugarbaker.

How about you and I
going out sometime?

I bet I could pick up a
thing or two from you.

Well, I doubt that, Kenny,

but I might be able to offer
you one piece of wisdom.

Yeah? What's that?

I believe that you will find,

as years go by and
you get older and wiser,

traversing life's
little ups and down,

that underwear probably
really doesn't make

all that good of a hat.

The powder room isn't
really functional now.

The keg is in the bathtub,

and it seems the tap is slow.

This is a source of some concern

for all the young men in there

because they're trying
to fill Craig's funnel.

Craig, it seems,

drinks his beer out of a funnel.

It's okay, Julia. We can go now.

Why? Did you
already talk to Ken?

Oh, yeah. It was amazing.

I mean, no long discussion
about my needs, his needs.

No talk of relationship
commitments.

- [phone rings]
- No mention at all of space.

- I'm telling you...
- [ring]

I think this casual dating
has a lot going for it.

Phone call. Paging Julia.

- Is there a Julia here?
- Julia Sugarbaker.

Hey, you're beautiful.

Good luck.

Hello, Charlene.

Yes. Well, it had to be you.

Nobody else knew I was here.

Or is ever going to
know, for that matter.

Oh, no, never
mind. It's just a party.

How are you?

Yes. I think the light
pink will be just fine

if it's semi-formal,

but I would wear the shawl
only if it's before 8 p.m.

Julia, come on.
Craig's getting ready

to drink out of the funnel.

Just a minute!

Okay, Charlene.
Any other questions?

Yeah. Where the heck are you?

If you must know, Charlene,

I'm at a keg party.

Julia, I can't imagine
you at a keg party.

I mean, you know,
you have so much class.

That's just the point, Charlene.

If you have class, you have it.

It doesn't matter where you are

or who you're with.

And I have to go now

because Craig is getting
ready to drink out of the funnel.

I... I was just
looking for Bill.

That's all right, Charlene.

Dinner's not for another hour.

Why don't you come
and sit a moment?

Everything looks so beautiful.

Thank you.

You know, sometimes
I like to slip in here

after everything's all set

and just look at it.

I love to see
everything in place.

You know, when
Bill's father was alive

and Bill lived here
with his sisters,

he used to dress for
dinner every Sunday night.

It was a tradition.

My family has
traditions, too, you know,

like holding hands
when we say grace,

eating ice cream
out on the front porch,

stuff like that.

I guess what I'm
trying to say is...

I love your son
with all my heart,

and I'll do anything
to make him happy.

But as much as I want
to fit in to his family,

I'm just as proud of
the one I come from.

Well.

Don't you two look pretty.

Mother, you don't mind if
I kiss my fiancée, do you?

- I don't mind.
- Bill.

You know, Charlene begged me

to stay in her room last night,

but I was strong.
I said "No way."

I promised Mother
and Aunt Phoebe

I'd save myself for
the wedding night.

Charlene, are you sure you
want to put up with a man like this?

Well, not any longer

than the next 50 or 60 years.

I told you she was cheap.

Phoebe, I will thank
you not to be a jackass

to my new daughter-in-law.

You know, I think she's
beginning to like you.

- Think so?
- Yeah, I do.

What would you do if she didn't?

Elope.

You know, your Aunt Phoebe says

you had family came
over on the Mayflower.

Oh, yeah? What did you say?

I said I had family
on Noah's Ark.

- You didn't say that.
- No, but I might.

- Hey, Bill.
- Yeah?

We're getting married.

- Hey, Charlene.
- Yeah?

I know.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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