Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 14 - Odell - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[phone rings]

Sugarbaker's.

No, Charlene's
still not back yet.

No, I don't know where she is.

Yes, I'll tell her you called.

Suzanne, if answering
the phone is such a strain,

you can be polite
and just don't do it.

Oh, it's just one of
Charlene's brothers again,

what's-his-name there, Odell.

He's probably just
wanting to catch her up



on the latest hillbilly news,

like, they got 'em
a new scarecrow

or something like that.

Suzanne, I don't
like that word hillbilly.

Just because Charlene
comes from a big family

and they live on a farm

doesn't mean they sit around
like Mammy and Pappy Yoakum

smoking corncob pipes
and drinking moonshine.

I'm sorry, Julia.

I just don't think
it's good taste

to have that many children,

unless, of course,
you're Mormons.

What does that
have to do with it?

They just seem
to handle it better.



They form those singing
groups, stuff like that.

I'm so ticked off.

I've gone through
three pair of pantyhose.

It's not even 10:00 yet.

I think it's some kind
of male conspiracy.

Who else would think of
making women's undergarments

that self-destruct?

I mean, really. If those NASA
scientists can invent a spacesuit

that can withstand
re-entry heat,

why cannot one of them

come up with a pair of pantyhose

that can survive a hangnail?

Perhaps the fact that
they don't wear pantyhose

has something to do with it.

That's precisely my point.

Oh, for Pete's sake,

every time you two
get a little cranky,

you start going on
these man-bashing jags.

"Men are the cause of
all trouble in the world.

Men invented high heels
and cheap pantyhose."

I bet you next thing you know,

you'll be accusing them
of that whatchamacallit,

that PMS envy.

PMS envy?

I swear, somebody from
the Geraldo Rivera Show

ought to follow you
around with a tape recorder.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

I wouldn't have been except I was
watching The CBS Morning Show.

They didn't have
anybody very good on,

but I love that Harry
Whatshisname.

They kept saying,

"It's 18 minutes
before the hour"

and then, "It's six
minutes before the hour,"

and finally I just
said to myself,

"Well, what is the hour?"

Of course, I had it wrong.

Don't you hate it
when that happens?

It's okay, Charlene. It's okay.

Suzanne, the next
time you ask me

to return something for you,

you better make sure
it is not something

you have already worn.

- What do you mean?
- I mean

they wouldn't accept
your blouse back.

I don't want to upset you, dear,

but the saleslady there
were perspiration stains on it.

Of course it did. That's
why I'm returning it.

Somebody else obviously
wore it before I bought it.

I do not perspire.
Didn't you tell them that?

No, I did not tell them that.
I did not even know that.

Anthony, none of the
women in my family perspire.

I can't believe you
didn't know that.

Everybody knows that.

There has not been
a deodorant bottle

among the women of my
family for three generations.

Well, dear, I don't think

that's something you
should be bragging about.

Oh, my gosh, Bernice,

I just realized tonight's
your dance contest.

That's right, Charlene.

What dance contest?

Bernice's retirement home

is having a dance-fever
night like on TV.

She and her partner Seymour have
been practicing all week. Right, Bernice?

Actually we had to
change the name.

Old people aren't real crazy about
anything with the word fever in it.

I didn't realize you were
such an avid dancer, Bernice.

Oh, my, yes.

My late husband Lewis
was a dancing fool.

What did he do?

His family owned a circus,

and he was billed
as a "dancing fool."

I don't know much more about it,

but if you'd like to know more,

I could probably contact
some of his relatives.

No, no, that's all right.

I guess after all
those years with Lewis

must be hard
dancing with Seymour.

Oh, yes, especially
since his stroke.

Sure, he remembers
the steps all right,

but he just can't move
from the waist down.

I hate it when that
happens to my dates.

Bernice, that is just awful.

I know it is.

All the other ambulatory men
were snatched up last week.

Hey, I know.

Why don't you get Anthony?

I bet you he's a good dancer.

Suzanne, don't think
I don't appreciate

that glowing tribute to my race,

but I'm way backed
up on my work.

In fact, I'll probably be
making deliveries all night.

Anthony, can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a second?

- I don't think so, Julia.
- Anthony.

Oh, I hate these little
talks in the kitchen.

It'll only be one night,

It'll mean so much to Bernice,

and I promise you
won't have to run

any errands for
Suzanne for a month.

You're on, Bernice.

Let's just forget about
all that old work stuff.

Besides, you got me out of
that speeding ticket last week

by screaming to the policeman

you were passing a kidney stone.

Oh, that's great.

You're just going to
love the costumes.

I guess we better get
over to the rec room

and start rehearsing,

and after I show you the steps,

then you can show me how
to get down with my bad self.

[phone rings]

Sugarbaker's.

Odell, is that you?

No, she didn't
tell me you called.

I can't believe this. I was
just thinking about you.

I was at my Minute
Mart last night,

and I saw a box of
those big red wax lips

we used to wear
at the dinner table

and Mama would get so mad.

I don't know. I guess maybe
they're coming back in style.

Odell, you're joking me.

Why didn't you say
so? I can't believe it.

Sounds like he's
already got himself a pair.

My little brother's
right here in Atlanta.

Odell, what are you doing?

You just get yourself
over here right now.

You need directions?

Okay, be careful.
I'll see you then.

Okay, bye, hon.

He's here, and he's coming over.

I am so excited.

What's he doing here in Atlanta?

Well, I don't know.

You never know with Odell.

He's kind of different
from the rest of the family,

kind of deep, like Woody Allen.

He just plays the
cello and writes poetry

and reads books.

Oh, he knits the
neatest sweaters.

What's his girlfriend
think about that?

Gee, Odell's never
really had a girlfriend.

He's only 19.

He has a job making deliveries
at Brenda's Beauty Supply.

Let me get this straight.

He's never had a
girlfriend, he knits sweaters,

and he works at the beauty shop?

He goes to Three
Rivers Junior College, too.

What are you getting at?

I don't mean to get
personal, Charlene,

but has it ever occurred to you

that maybe Odell is involved
in some homosexual activity?

Suzanne!

Just because a person
is sensitive and artistic

doesn't mean he's gay,

not that would
matter to me anyway.

I think he sounds like an
interesting and talented young man.

I think he sounds like a woman.

Bear in mind that this comes
from the lips of a woman

who actually thought there was
a patron saint for homosexuals

called Saint Francis Of a Sissy.

Hey, Charlene.

I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

Odell, how did you
get here so fast?

I was at a pay phone
around the corner.

- You remember Julia
and Suzanne, Mary Jo.
- Julia, Suzanne, Mary Jo.

- Hi, Odell.
- [Charlene] I could just paddle you.

How come Mom and Dad
didn't tell me you were coming?

It was sort of a
last-minute decision.

Anyway, it's just not something I
could tell Mom and Daddy about.

What do you mean?

Well, there's
someone real special

I want you to meet.

I think you might
be kind of surprised

at who it is.

Oh, my God.

Does this have anything to do
with you not having a girlfriend?

Yeah, sort of.

Odell, I just want you to
know that whoever it is,

I'll try and accept them.

Thanks, Charlene.

I appreciate that.

I'm afraid you'd
be the only one.

Why?

You remember Earl Sloan?

Of course I remember Earl Sloan.

He was Daddy's best friend.

They've barely
spoken for 20 years.

You mean you and Earl?

No, Earl's not with me,

but somebody else is.

You remember his daughter Sissy?

The two of us,
well, we're eloping.

[Charlene] So you two have been
secretly in love all these years?

Yes, ma'am, ever since I
was 8 and Odell was 10.

Yeah, it was all over for me

the first time I
laid eyes on her.

That is so romantic.
I never knew.

Odell, why didn't you tell me?

I just didn't feel like I could
tell anybody, Charlene.

You know how Daddy felt.

What did you folks get so
all fired mad about anyway?

Sissy's daddy, Earl Sloan,

you knew, he grew
up with our daddy.

They'd hunt and fish
together and everything,

and Mr. Sloan kept
his life savings in a sock

buried out in his back field.

My family's kind of rural.

Charlene's family's a
lot more sophisticated.

Yeah, we keep our
money in the bank.

Anyway, one day
the sock disappeared,

and Mr. Sloan accused our
dog Chuck Berry of digging it up

and burying it someplace else.

Daddy said he didn't do it,

but one night Mr. Sloan
just went kind of crazy,

and he came over and
dug up our whole back yard

including some of Mama's
prize-winning rose bushes.

Just get on with it, Charlene.

This is not The People's Court.

Anyway, Daddy went
outside to try and stop him,

and they got into a
great big huge fist fight,

and Daddy accidentally
busted Mr. Sloan's nose.

Daddy would've never done that on
purpose because he loved Mr. Sloan.

That's right, but our family's
have been fighting ever since.

Judge Clarkson said
he couldn't marry us,

and no other preacher
in town would, either,

because they knew
how our families feel,

so, Charlene, I was hoping
maybe you could help us.

Odell... No, Sissy's
not pregnant.

We're just in love. That's all,

and Mama and Daddy
weren't any older than us

when they got married.

Couldn't you all wait
just a little bit longer,

you know, give everybody a
chance to get used to the idea?

Charlene, they'll never
get used to the idea.

At least the Sloans won't.

Anyway, we're tired of waiting.

We've been
waiting all our lived.

You mean you two have never...

No, we're both virgins.

Hey, don't be telling them that.

Well, it's the truth.

So you've been saving
yourselves for each other?

Oh, that is so romantic.

I think I'm going to cry.

Yeah, I think I'm
going to cry, too.

Anyway, Charlene, we're
ready to get the show on the road.

We need your help.

But what can I do?

Find a minister to marry us,

somebody who doesn't care

what our parents or
anybody else thinks.

You know, Jimmy and Tammy
Baker are back in operation,

and public opinion
doesn't seem to mean

all that much to them.

- Suzanne.
- It's just a thought.

- Son.
- Daddy.

Thank God you're here.
Hello, Charlene honey.

Ladies, I'm sorry. This
isn't exactly a social call.

Odell, your mama's
mighty worried about you.

How'd you find me?

Well, I followed you to Memphis.

After that, I figured

you were on your
way to see Charlene,

so I took my time.

I want you kids to come
on back home with me.

I can't, Daddy. We
made up our minds.

Sissy and I are getting married.

You try telling that to her
daddy when he gets here.

We're going to have
a real hillbilly shootout

right here in Sugarbaker's.

Okay, now, I don't want
to cause any trouble.

I'll just be taking my
daughter and going.

Excuse me, I know this
isn't any of my business,

but I don't think these kids are
in any shape to go anywhere.

Really, look at them.

Why, they're just exhausted.

That's right, and
they're good kids, too.

You know they've
been saving themselves.

Charlene!

Mary Jo is right.

Odell, you know
where my room is,

and you take Sissy up there,

and you can use the spare room.

Now, you all go on. Sissy...

I can't believe all the
hundreds of girls in Poplar Bluff,

and he has to pick a Sloan.

Now, Daddy, that's not fair.

Odell and Sissy
weren't even born

when you two started fighting.

Now, Mr. Sloan, I just
want you and Daddy

to sit down over here
and talk this thing out.

There's nothing to talk about.

I came here for my daughter,
and I'm not leaving without her.

And I'm not leaving
without Odell.

Now what?

Da-da!

Something tells me this is
going to be a tough room to play.

Yes. Either we should
have gone with the feathers,

or this has something to do

with that man climbing
down the trellis out front

with that pretty girl.

- No. Odell.
- Sissy. Sissy,
you come back here.

[fathers shouting]

I don't know where else to look,

and we've been
driving around for hours.

I should've gone back
out with Daddy again.

He's just going to get lost.

That Mr. Sloan's
a real Luke Duke.

I hope your daddy
finds him before he does.

I don't understand what
all the fuss is about anyway.

All they want to
do is get married.

You know, Suzanne,
to some people,

getting married is a
momentous occasion.

I guess for you, it's
more like ordering a pizza.

Okay, dinner is served.

I've got three chicken
McNuggets, two MacDLTs,

three Filet-O-Fish, and four
peach pies, my personal favorite.

- That was
awfully fast, Anthony.
- Yeah, it was amazing.

When the crowd got a
load of this lovely ensemble,

they parted just like the Red
Sea in The Ten Commandments.

Poor Odell and Sissy.

They're just like
Romeo and Juliet.

Everyone's against them,
and they're so in love.

It's kind of refreshing to
meet some young people

who've been in love so long

and haven't done
anything about it.

How do you know they
haven't done anything?

Because they said so, Suzanne.

And you believe it? Hah.

Princess Di said
she was a virgin, too,

but you think that was good
enough for Queen Elizabeth?

No, sir.

She had her whisked right down

to that royal gynecologist,

had her immediately
stamped and verified.

Those Windsors, they
don't mess around.

I can't stand this. I've got to
go out and help look again.

Will you all stay
here in case they call?

We sure will.

Wait a minute,
Charlene, I'll drive you.

No, I can't let you do that.

You'll miss your dance contest.

Oh, that's all right.

Bernice doesn't mind.

They have one every month.

What dance contest?

You know, the one
that we're dressed for.

Oh, I was wondering about that.

I thought maybe
it was Halloween.

No, Bernice, we
were going dancing.

Oh, then I have
one other question.

- What's that?
- Am I dating you?

Good Shabbat. Did
you enjoy the service?

Yeah, it was real interesting.

I especially like that singer.

Thank you.

We like to call him the cantor.

Actually, we're not even Jewish.

No.

Look, Rabbi, I know
we don't fit in here,

but we've been driving around

for hours looking for
a house of the Lord.

Since technically
speaking, it's the same God,

I mean, you think
you could marry us?

No, I can't perform
marriages tonight.

It's our Sabbath.

I'm sorry. Isn't this
a little impromptu?

I mean, most people
invite their families

and hire a band.

Well, we're kind of in a hurry.

See, we've been
waiting nine years.

Oh, I see.

Well, God has a way of
working these things out.

There they are.

Odell, Sissy, are you all right?

Guess this is our night
for interesting newcomers.

I know this looks odd, Rabbi,

but I'm a relative of
Sammy Davis Jr.'s.

Right.

Uh, it looks like you
want a little privacy here.

I'll give you a few minutes,

and I'll be back out.

Charlene, I feel a
little overdressed.

I think I'll just
wait in the car.

How did you find us?

Anthony spotted
your truck out front.

We've been to
every church in town..

Odell, I want you to come home.

Whether you and
Sissy realize it or not,

you need your families.

No, thanks, Charlene.

We've had enough family
support for one night.

Odell, do you remember
when Uncle Floyd married

that show girl from Lake Tahoe?

When he first brought
her back to Poplar bluff,

she used to not
even get up till noon,

and she wore all that makeup.

And nobody thought they
were going to like her?

But then they started to say,

you know, she was
good for Uncle Floyd.

He quit drinking. She
got him to go to church

and quit wearing those
Sears Roebuck undershirts.

Yeah, so what's the point?

Well, I don't know
what the point is,

but, Odell, I know you've
tried talking this out Daddy,

and it doesn't seem to work.

I've never defied
Daddy, never in my life,

never done something
behind his back,

but just want you to know

that if you decide,

I will get in that truck
with the two of you.

I will drive to White
Cross or Miami

or wherever you want to go,

and I will help you get married

because I love you,

and your decision will be mine,

but before you
make that decision,

Odell, please, this is going to
affect you the rest of your life.

Don't you think it's worth really,
really trying one more time?

Okay, wild man, king me.

Ding.

It's too bad
Mr. Sloan's married.

Why?

I don't know.

I kind of see Bernice with him.

Okay, everybody, we found them.

Where the heck you been, huh?

Now, Daddy, Mr. Sloan,
I told Sissy and Odell

that I knew that you knew
that deep down in your hearts,

you cared more
about their happiness

than in some dumb feud, right?

Now, don't you try to tell me

about my own
daughter's happiness.

I know what's best for her,
and she's coming home with me.

Why don't you listen for
just once, you big jackass?

- You might learn
a thing or two.
- I really would be a jackass

if I tried to listen to you.

I said excuse me!

Look, I don't
usually get involved

in these backwoods brouhahas,

but seriously, I
think you two men

should just wake
up and smell coffee.

These two kids have really
got it bad for each other.

If they hadn't gone
away in nine years,

it just is not going to go away.

Look, this isn't
any of our business

except that you all have
sort of made our business,

but I must say we've
all been very impressed

with the honest
and forthright way

that Odell and Sissy have
presented themselves,

and if you ask me,
they've got a big head start

on a lot of young people
I've seen walking around.

Pardon me for saying so,

but I don't recall asking you.

Oh.

Well, then, in that case,

let me add that
if you, Mr. Sloan,

had had the good
sense to put your money

in a piggybank
instead of a sock,

none of this wouldn't
happened in the first place.

This is not about
that sock anymore.

He's right.

This is about family,

and I never thought
I'd see the day

when one of my children

didn't care about that.

Daddy, don't you see?

If Odell didn't
care about family,

what's he doing here?

Why did he drive 800
miles to come to me

where he knew
you could find him?

It's because he does
care about family,

so much that he couldn't get
married without at least one Frazier

by his side to cry and
hug him and love him.

Daddy, if Sissy and Odell
didn't care about family,

they could have just
driven to St. Louis

and gotten married, no problem.

You wouldn't have seen or
heard from them in a long time,

and maybe Christmas after next

you would have gotten a card
with a picture of the two of them

and maybe even a grandbaby
you didn't even know.

Is that what you want? Is
that what you both want?

Well, no.

Daddy, I... I never
defied you before...

I mean, you're the
head of our family,

and that's always been the most
important thing in the world to me,

but what you're
talking about doing,

turning your back on Odell,

it's just wrong, and
once you do that,

you can't take it back.

Bet you think I'm
being pretty sassy?

No.

I think you're
making some sense.

[Mary Jo] You know what I think?

I think you just don't want
these two kids to get married

because you hate each other,

but I don't think you
all dislike each other

anymore than the
average in-laws.

I mean, you've just got a
20-year head start on it. That's all.

That's true.

Now, look here, Earl.

Maybe we are fighting
a losing battle here.

My little girl, these ladies have
made some pretty good points.

Now, what do you say?

We keep on punishing our kids

because they had the misfortune

to be born to two of the
world's biggest jackasses.

You S-O-B.

Oh, pardon me, ladies.

Oh, that's okay. Go
ahead, get it all out.

What would you like
to call him, Mr. Frazier?

I'd like to call him... friend.

Daddy, does this mean...

It means we're going home.

- It does?
- Yep.

We've got a wedding to plan.

Oh, Daddy, I love you.

I love you, too, baby.

Does it ever seem to you

like life is just one long
Frank Capra movie?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA