Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Junies - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[Anthony] Yes, this
is my final decision,

and please do not call
me at work anymore,

I do have school spirit.

I plan someday to donate
a wing to the library,

but this I won't be doing.

I'm sorry. I won't
All right, goodbye.

Sorry about that.

That's all right.
What's going on?

Oh, it's just the Social
Activities Committee.

You know, most of the people
who go to my junior college



are commuters or
older students like me,

and we really
don't care that much

about going to
bonfire pep rallies

with the cheerleaders
after the sock hop.

The Social Committee feels

that if they could
just get me involved,

the other students will follow,

but I said, "Uh-uh.

"I am here to study,
learn what I can,

and get my degree."

And what did they say to that?

They say I don't understand
what college is all about,

and now there's this
Homecoming thing.

Homecoming?



Oh, Anthony, that is important.

Homecoming's the
most important thing

that can happen at school.

Now, Suzanne, some
people have been questioning

this whole Homecoming
Queen thing.

Oh, for heaven's sakes,

I thought that
questioning-things business

went out ten years ago.

Let me tell you about
Homecoming Queen, Anthony.

Homecoming Queen

is not just a gorgeous,
beautiful, illusive love object,

but a symbol,

a symbol of pride and
dedication to one's school,

you know, someone
chosen by the students

as their representative

at a time when all
students past and present

come together to
salute their alma mater.

Well, when you
put it that way...

I mean, you care about
your school, don't you?

Oh, it's a good school.
They help me a lot.

So what's wrong with it?

Nothing.

In the right spirit, it could
be a very positive thing.

Thank you, Suzanne, I
will accept their nomination.

For what?

I will compete for Kennesaw
Junior College Homecoming Queen.

Anthony, you come back here.

Well, I guess you
certainly set him straight.

Well, I don't know. What is the
matter with people these days?

Values just flying
out the window.

You know, I read
in my alumni bulletin

where another college voted
Queen of Greek Week to a dog.

I'm not talking about
an unattractive girl.

I'm talking about a Labrador
Retriever. And now Anthony.

- Well, I'd vote for him.
- I'm sure you would.

You probably also would
have given high swimsuit marks

to the Retriever.

I know she's your
friend, Charlene.

I just find her a
little overbearing.

She's really all right
when you get to know her.

When Julia and I were at
lunch, we ran into Libby Coker.

You know, she
lives in my building.

Oh, the one who
sells real estate?

Well, not anymore. Now
she's a Lady June Belle.

- Come again?
- She sells Lady June Belle
cleaning products.

You know, Lady June calls
all here salesladies Belles.

Isn't that a cute name...
Lady June Belle?

Yeah, gives it that
professional, dignified air.

They're good products.
Libby made $60,000 last year.

And came right out
and told us at the table.

Can you believe it?

I cannot abide people
who brag about their money,

especially those
who talk about digits,

how they made five
digits or six digits.

She only said that to let me know
about the opportunities available.

I know I won't be making
that much part time.

Wait a minute.

Are we looking here at a
brand-new Lady June Belle?

I really wasn't
all that interested,

but Libby only needed one more
recruit to get her diamond ring.

Excuse me, but did I
hear you say diamond?

Yeah.

Lady June gives
all sorts of prizes,

but if you recruit a certain
number of salesladies,

you get a 1-carat diamond ring.

I'll just be doing
it for a little while.

I could use a couple
hundred dollars.

My Christmas bills
were real big this year.

I just hope you're not going
to let it interfere with your work.

Sounds pretty good to me.

I approve of any system

where you get diamonds
for good performance.

Lord knows that's
how I got all mine.

Okay, two bottles
of Delicate Wash,

the carpet shampoo,
and the Scrubby Dub.

That's what you wanted, right?

Mm-hm. How much do I owe you?

Let's see. That comes to 13.

$13?

No, just 13.

We're... We're not
supposed to say "dollars."

We're just supposed
to say, you know, uh,

that's 5, and that's 3 1/2.

It's in the manual.

I wonder why we're
not supposed to say that.

I don't know. I guess it's
just a basic sales technique,

you know, so
people don't realize

they're spending actual money.

Gee, you think that's honest?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it

unless you tell somebody it's 13

and they give you 13
potatoes or something.

They give you the whole
spiel here, don't they?

Yeah, I couldn't bring myself
to say some of that stuff,

but Libby says I have
to learn it, though.

You enjoying doing this?

Yeah, it's fun
selling to my friends.

I mean, everybody needs
cleaning products anyway.

Don't tell Libby, but I've
been giving y'all a discount.

Oh, now, come on, Charlene.
You don't have to do that.

Oh, I like to.

Libby wouldn't approve, though.

She wants me to be more
ambitious Lady-June-wise.

Don't let her push you around.

Oh, she doesn't push me around.

This whole company's just
as sweet as they can be.

I went to my first
local division meeting.

I nearly got kissed to death.

They're so excited I joined.

Of course, then, I told them

I was just thinking
of doing it temporarily,

and they all gave me these
real disappointed looks like this.

You know, so then I told them

I'd consider doing
it a little bit longer,

and everybody squealed,

and it just ended up in
a great big group hug.

I know in my head that this is a
legitimate business organization

with stockholders and
executives and all that stuff,

but when you describe it,

all I can think of is
sorority house hijinks.

You know what it
was a little bit like...

And I hope this isn't
blasphemous or anything,

but it was a bit like those
Baptist revivals I used to go to,

you know, where everybody
just gets caught up in the feeling

like you're part of something
bigger than yourself

and you want to live up to it.

Well, just remember, Charlene,

we're not talking
about the Lord here.

We are taking about rug shampoo.

Mary Jo, I know that.

Well, it's just
you're my friend,

and I love you, and I don't want
anybody pressuring you into anything.

Oh, they won't. I promise.

- Charlene.
- Yes.

Are you actually
reading those invoices?

Yes, reading them, checking
them, and putting them in sequence.

- I've got to finish
these by 5:00.
- What's your rush?

Libby and I are going to the
supermarket to do some warm chattering.

It's a Lady June term.

You go to the
supermarket in pairs,

and the two of us
just get together

and talk about Lady June
products and how good they are.

Then you go up to
someone, surround them,

and get them involved
in the conversation.

Oh, sounds like the Moonies.

Libby says it's a great
way to make sales.

I guess it is. I don't know.

It makes me kind
of uncomfortable

when I see that
trapped look on their face

when they buy a bottle of
window sparkler or something

just to get away from us.

Haven't you made $200 yet?

I mean, it seems like you've been
working pretty hard for a couple of weeks.

Oh, yeah, I've already made...

Now, Julia, I know you think
it's uncouth to talk about money,

but I've made $250,

but Libby wants me to
go on and become a Daisy.

I swear I feel like just
buying the stuff myself

and burying it in the back yard.

She wants you to become a daisy?

It's a Lady June term.

They have different levels of
their salesladies with flower names.

Orchid's the best.
Libby's a rose.

If I sell $5,000 worth,
I could be a Daisy.

What does that mean, be a daisy?

It's just something
somebody made up.

How could you
take it so seriously?

I don't know, Julia. I
guess it would be an honor.

It's nothing to joke about.

I know those flower
names are silly,

but to Lady June Belles,
that's the equivalent of royalty.

Everybody worships
June Randolph,

the lady who
founded the company.

All Libby can talk about is

"Lady June's coming to town.
Lady June's coming to town."

We're having their
convention this year in Atlanta.

All the Belles are
going to be here.

- Sounds scary.
- How many?

500. Stay out of
the supermarkets.

Knock-knock. Hey, Charlene.

- How are you, sugar?
- Hi, Libby.

I've brought you some more
inspirational sales tapes.

I don't know if I could listen to
any more inspirational tapes, Libby.

They're starting to depress me.

Hey, Julia, how
are you, honey pie?

I'm just fine, thank you.

And who's this?

Any friend of Charlene's
is a friend of mine.

I'm Mary Jo, and I'm
allergic to rug shampoo.

She's just kidding, Libby.

Oh. [giggles]

Lady June likes a sense
of humor in her Belles.

Charlene, why haven't you
recruited both of these sweeties?

You've got to get
on the ball, honey,

if you want to make Daisy.

Libby, I don't think I'm
going to be going Daisy

or Daffodil or even Ragweed.

Don't say that, honey.

Just keep telling yourself,

"I can do it. I can
do it. I can do it."

But, Libby, I
don't want to do it.

I mean, I'm really glad

that I've done what
I've done so far,

and I really appreciate
the opportunity...

But Charlene is awfully
busy with her job here.

Oh, honey, I had two jobs

when I first started
selling Lady June.

I worked in an office all day,
sold real estate on weekends,

and I still found time.

I guess I could work weekends.

Charlene, didn't you say

that you really needed to clean
your apartment this weekend?

Honey, I was cleaning other people's
apartments at night, plus my own.

I really need time to
take care of certain things.

I like to keep up
with my family and all.

Oh, I didn't know
you had children.

Oh, I don't.

Honey, I had three children,

two of them still in
diapers, when I started.

And bills... doctor
said I had psoriasis

over 85% of my body from nerves.

I just kept on working.

A burglar once held me
at gunpoint for six hours.

If it hadn't been for the self-confidence
I learned from Lady June,

I never would have been
able to talk him out of it.

Now, at Lady June we
say... What do we say?

[together] Don't think
of excuses to fail.

Think of reasons to succeed.

Now, come on. Let's
go to the supermarket.

All right.

[Libby] Let's play a
little game tonight.

Lady June says, "Let's see
how many no's we can get."

[panting]

It won't matter how
many no's she gets.

She's not going to
hear a one of them,

and don't you feel
sorry for that burglar?

They've got ahold of Charlene,
and they're not letting go.

This is not a
business organization.

It's some kind of cult,

some kind of perky cult.

Let's face it. Charlene's
been kidnapped by the Junies.

[Anthony] I'm telling you,
Suzanne, it's not like that.

They put our pictures
up in the student center.

Then everyone votes on who
they want to represent the school.

That's all. They're not even calling
it Homecoming Queen anymore.

Why not?

Because it's sexist,
elitist, and outdated,

not to mention
incredibly embarrassing

if one of the men wins.

One of the men?

You mean there's
other men up for it?

Oh, yes. Once I
accepted my nomination,

it sort of opened
the flood gates.

The Activities Committee
says I'm kind of a role model.

I would think you could use
your popularity and influence

for good instead of evil.

Well, it's a changing
world, Suzanne.

I do not care for it.

Well, I'll tell you
one little secret,

and I can't believe this myself.

- What?
- I really want to win.

[laughs]

I knew he'd get the
bug. I just knew it.

Mary Jo, how did it go?

Well, I took Charlene
over to Libby's,

and we took all the
leftover cleaning products,

and I stood right there
with her while she said,

"I am very sorry.

"I just don't think I am cut
out to be a Lady June Belle.

"They're good products. I
think it's an excellent opportunity,

but I just do not think that it
is right for me at this time."

Good for her. That
was just the thing to say.

Well, it should be.

I wrote it down, and we
rehearsed it about 16 times

in the car on the way over,

and then I stood right there
with my hand on her back

while she said it.

I felt like some kind
of loony ventriloquist.

Well, thank goodness
that's over with.

- Not really.
- Why not?

I don't know. I guess Libby must
have seen my lips moving or something.

She started in on
Charlene again, saying,

"Just do it, honey. Just do it."

I tell you, she's relentless.

This woman is wasted
selling Lady June.

She ought to be
negotiating with the PLO.

Now she's taking Charlene
down to that Lady June convention.

Is that today? Oh, my soul.

Can you imagine
being at that convention

and sitting with 500 of those
smiling, chirping bulldozers?

You know, it might
be interesting.

I saw a piece, on 60 Minutes
once, about these conventions.

They're a hoot.

I'm thinking we should just
take a little drive down there,

check up on Charlene,

make sure she's not handing
over all her possessions

to Lady June.

Well, I'm going with you.

No offense, Julia,

but if this Libby person
is as bad as you say,

you are way out of your league.

I know these kind of women.

They'll kiss you
and call you honey

and slop sugar all over you

while all the time they're
just thinking about themselves.

I mean, that Terminator
stuff doesn't work with them.

You've got to fight
sugar with sugar.

Huh, they'll find that's
a job for professionals.

[Mary Jo] This is scary.

This is like that part in
Invasion of the Body Snatchers

where the pod people see
the real people and go...

[imitating] "Not one
of us. Not one of us."

[Suzanne] Boy, would
you look around this room?

Out of this entire
group of women,

I bet that there's
only about one or two

that you could
call real attractive.

Oh?

I don't know. It's
just a comment.

Anybody seen Charlene or Libby?

How are we supposed
to find them in this crowd?

They're wearing lavender.

[Woman] Ladies...
I'd like to announce

the Best Sales Increase

in Carpet Rinse in the
Daffodil Division Award,

and it goes to
Freddie Sue Cochran.

Come on up.

[audience applauding]

We've been here 10 minutes.

They've given out
about 60 awards.

They're going to run
out of people soon.

I've got a spooky
feeling I might win one.

- [Man] Hi, there.
- Hello.

- Are you a Lady June Belle?
- Why, yes, I am.

Me, too.

I didn't know they
allowed men in here.

They didn't used to.

I was a lawyer with the ACLU,

and I filed suit
for discrimination.

It was just supposed to be a
test case, but once they let me in,

they were so darn nice to
me here, I couldn't leave.

I started selling
Lady June fulltime.

You know what I made last year?

Six digits.

Say, you've got a
little spot right here.

If you'd like to come
up to my hotel room,

I've got some Lady
June Spot-Be-Gone

that'll take that right out.

Excuse me. I heard that, Roger.

You know Lady June told
you not to do that anymore,

especially to a sister Belle.

Why, I have half a mind

to go tell Lady June
what just happened here.

No. Uh, don't do that. It
won't happen again. I promise.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I'll see you at the
shampoo seminar.

These people are
seriously deranged.

How about that, a man
as a Lady June Belle?

That reminds me of Anthony
running for Homecoming Queen.

The finalist election's tonight.
I wonder how he's doing.

I know you think it's silly.

[Woman] Here are
your lyric sheets, girls.

Now, remember, at
the end of the evening,

we all hold hands and
sing the Lady June anthem.

No, Suzanne, we do
not think that is silly.

The idea of a nice college
Homecoming Queen ceremony

where you yourself
would be rooting

for a 30-year-old black man

seems not only logical,
but very dignified.

Oh, look out.
Watch Libby at 9:00.

Is that her?

Is that the one
you told me about?

[Julia] Look at her.

She's got Charlene
in a hammerlock.

Libby, honey, how
are you, sugar?

You remember me...
Helen Van Patterson-Patton.

Listen, you come on over here,

tell me every little old
thing you've been doing.

You changed your hair.
I like that, just like that.

What are you all doing here?

- Come to help you.
- Help me?

What are you talking about?

Charlene, did you or did you
not say to me this very morning,

"I don't want to sell
Lady June anymore.

"I don't want anything to
do with Lady June anymore.

"Help, me, Julia.
I can't get out.

Help me, please. Help me"?

- I said that?
- Yes, you did.

I must've had low blood
sugar or something.

It's a great organization.

Libby says I might
even win a prize tonight.

Oh, my Lord, we're too late.

I say we just hit
her over the head

and take her home in a sack.

Charlene, darling, we want
you to come into this little room

- for just a minute.
- What for?

Have a chat, a cup of coffee,

and Mary Jo and I are
going to deprogram you.

No, you can't go in there.
That room's for Belles only.

You guys aren't Belles.

Yes, we are.
We're Hell's Belles.

We're getting you out of here.

Charlene, listen to me.

You wanted to do this

just long enough to pay
off your Christmas bills

and get your friend
a diamond ring.

It may be a fine organization,

but the sales techniques are
too aggressive for your taste,

and you find it distressful
and unrewarding.

Does any of this
sound familiar to you?

I have felt kind of
stressed out lately,

but I can't think
of excuses to quit.

I have to think of
reasons to succeed.

You're not quitting.

You're choosing not to pursue
this particular line of endeavor.

Julia, that sounds an
awful lot like quitting.

- Mary Jo.
- Sorry.

Julia, I can't quit.

I'd be letting Libby down,
and Libby, June herself down.

Charlene, I don't want to hear any
more about this Lady June person.

First of all, anybody who would
call themselves by that name

must have a serious
problem, and secondly,

who the heck is she anyway?

She's the founder
of our company.

She's our mentor and
teacher and best friend for life.

I know that, Charlene.

I mean, who is she to form
this little cult of Stepford Wives.

Did y'all see that movie?
That was a good movie?

Charlene, the point is other
people head companies

without requiring
that their employees

become loyal subjects.

Oh, I wouldn't say it
was a requirement,

but some of these ladies

don't have many people
rooting for them in their lives.

Now they know
I'm in their corner.

Oh, my gosh, you're Lady June.

Honey, the carpet
shampoo is Lady June.

I'm just June, June Randolph.

And who are you?

Uh, Charlene Frazier,
Atlanta division.

Now, what's the
problem, Charlene?

Oh, oh, there is no problem.

I don't have any real problems.

I know when you
started this company,

your husband had just died,

and you had four small
children and no skills

and you used to mix up batches
of window sparkler in your bathtub

and carry them from door
to door in mayonnaise jars,

and I know a lot of your
salesladies have had terrible troubles.

I really admire people who work through
and survive the hard times like that.

I mean, I don't
don't have psoriasis,

but if a burglar
held me at gunpoint,

maybe I wouldn't have
that much self-confidence.

I... I don't want to sell
Lady June products.

I'm letting you down.

Honey, let me tell you
why I started this company.

When I started working
20-some-odd years ago,

there weren't many
chances for a woman

with a good business head.

That's why I wanted my
business to be full of women.

Women buy cleaning products,

so I knew women could
sell cleaning products.

All my top executives

have cleaned plenty of
bathrooms, I'm proud to say.

You're my top executives,
all you here tonight.

Now, I know a
lot of people think

we're just the silliest
company around,

with our flower names
and our lavender golf carts

and our diamond
rings, but that's okay.

We're just us.

Now, hon, I founded
this company on love

and Christian principles.

When somebody decides she
doesn't want to do Lady June anymore,

we do try to talk her out of it

because we don't want any
woman to sell herself short,

to think that she can't do it

because she's just a housewife

or just a secretary or
some such silliness,

but, Charlene, believe me,

I want you to have the
best life you can have,

and if you don't
want to do Lady June,

don't worry about it.

We love you just the same.

So what do you say?

I want back in.

[laughs]

No, honey, you don't.

Yes, yes, I do.
You're wonderful.

Charlene.

Okay, I want out.

And on that note, I
think we better leave

while we're ahead.

Thank you.

Let me say how much I admire you
and appreciate what you've achieved,

both for yourself
and for other women.

It's an honor to meet you.

Well, thank you.

You know, honey,

you would be great at this.

And on that note,

why don't we just get
the heck out of Dodge.

So what are you going to do
with all the rest of this stuff?

I don't know. Libby said she'd
buy some of it back from me.

- She just made Orchid.
- Well, I'm not surprised.

She's the pushiest,
shallowest woman I've ever met

next to Helen Van
Patterson-Patton.

Anyway, it was certainly
no picnic distracting her

while you all were
capturing Charlene.

Suzanne, Mary Jo, and I
did not capture Charlene.

You make it sound like some
episode on Wild Kingdom.

Oh, I know I got a little caught
up in this Lady June stuff.

Maybe Marlin Perkins should have
shot me with his tranquilizer gun.

I appreciate you
all helping me out.

Well, you just remember.

Even though we don't give away
diamond rings and group hugs,

we love you no matter
what, just the same.

I know.

Do you love me enough to buy a
year's supply of window sparkler?

- Well?
- Well what?

How did the beauty contest go?

I mean, the Homecoming
Representative contest?

Okay.

Just okay?

Yeah.

Oh. Well, okay.

Would you all help me
carry this stuff out to the car?

- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, I'll get that box
over there.

♪ Da-da-da-da ♪
I won.

Anthony, congratulations.

How do you feel?

Like that dude in the
margarine commercial.

I can't wait to tell everybody.

Suzanne, after all I've achieved

in the last couple of years...

Rebuilding my life,
starting a career,

getting a college education

and just generally becoming
a productive citizen again...

This is what finally
impresses you?

Yeah.

I can accept that.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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