Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 16 - There's Some Black People Coming to Dinner - full transcript

[Charlene] Did you see
Falcon Crest the other night?

You know, they got
Lauren Hutton on there now.

You know, with that great big
gap right between her front teeth.

I just don't understand that.

I mean, she's got that little
porcelain piece that fits right up there.

I've seen her wear it before.
Why doesn't she have it in?

You know, I really can't say.

I guess it's just some knowledge
that we'll never be privy to.

Suzanne, what
are you doing here?

I thought you had an
appointment at the masseuse.

I did, but I cut it short.



I always do that when I think they might
be starting to enjoy themselves too much.

I mean, you can never be too careful
about those big European women.

Especially the ones that
don't shave under their arms.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.

I had a meeting this
morning at Claudia's school.

I'm on the committee for
the Winter Carnival Dance.

She's up for queen, you know.

No. You're kidding. Why
didn't you tell us that before?

I don't know. I
guess I just forgot.

She's going with a
real sweet boy, too.

Oh? Who is it?

Oh, it's just a teenager.
Nobody you'd know.

I just met him myself for
the first time this morning.

I was so impressed. I mean,
they're just in junior high,



and he shook my
hand and everything.

- [Charlene] That is unusual.
- Yeah. He's an
excellent student,

captain of the debate
team, runs track,

plays football,
and he's also black.

- He's black?
- Yeah. What's wrong with that?

Nothing. I was just kind
of surprised, that's all.

Well, I don't know why.
He's a perfectly wonderful kid.

I've never seen a boy that
age with manners like that.

And he plays football,
too. Did I mention that?

Yeah, you did. What position?

Well, I don't know, but
I'm sure it's a good one.

Seems to do everything well.

Mary Jo, I don't see a
thing wrong with Claudia

going to the school dance
with her young, black friend.

I'm sure lots of parents would
get all up in arms about it.

But I'm glad you're
not one of them.

Yeah, I think it's no big deal.
That makes two "no big deals."

Anyway, if y'all need
me, I'll be in the storeroom.

Well, I don't know.

I mean, these interracial
things can get pretty complicated.

- Did you ever see that movie?
- What movie?

Something about, there's some
black people coming over for dinner.

Suzanne, really.

This is not Guess
Who's Coming to Dinner.

They're not getting
married, for Pete's sake.

They're just going
to a junior high dance.

Claudia, what are
you doing here?

You're supposed to be in school.

It's an emergency.

Kyle's father won't let
him take me to the dance.

That's an emergency?

Okay, it's an
emergency. Why not?

'Cause he said he doesn't want
him going out with white girls.

Kyle told me in homeroom.

Well, now, calm down.

Maybe he'll change his mind. I
mean, the dance ain't till Saturday.

He's not gonna change his mind.

Kyle said his father's
always been like this.

Well, what's his mother say?

They're divorced. He
lives with his father.

Anyway, I'm gonna withdraw
my name from carnival queen.

And I'm sorry you bought
the dress for me, Mom.

Maybe you can
wear it to something.

Now, now, don't go
giving your dress away yet.

What's Kyle's father's name?

Mr. Jarvis.

Do you know his first name?

I think it's Matthew. Why?

Oh, I don't know. I
just might have to

give our Mr. Matthew
Jarvis a call.

Why, oh, why did you all
let me call that man up?

I never dreamed he'd
want to meet with me.

I just thought, you know,
that... that'd I'd talk to him

on the phone, and that
would be the end of it.

- Oh.
- I hate confrontations.

Excuse me, ladies. I'm
looking for Mary Jo Shively.

I'm Mary Jo.

How do you do? Nice to meet you.

I'm Matt Jarvis, Kyle's father.

You're Kyle's father.

Yes, I think so. I've been
him for some time now.

Good afternoon.
I'm Julia Sugarbaker.

- Matt Jarvis. How do you do?
- Nice to meet you.

Forgive my manners.
I am so sorry.

This is our other partner
Suzanne Sugarbaker.

- It's a pleasure.
- Likewise.

Listen, I have to apologize
to you, Mrs. Shively.

I now we're supposed
to have a drink now,

but my meeting ran late, and I've
got to pick up a client at the airport.

Could we possibly meet tonight?

Tonight? Uh, sure.
Uh, my son has a cold.

Would you mind coming to
my house for some coffee?

All right. If you're sure it's no
trouble. I'll get the address from Kyle.

- Great, then. About 8:00.
- Fine.

Listen, I want you to know how
much I appreciate your concern

about my son not going to
this dance with your daughter,

and how grateful I am
to have an opportunity

to explain how I feel
about this subject.

Well, it's my pleasure. I'm sure
whatever your feelings are, they're valid.

Uh, do you prefer decaf?

Yes, I do.

- I'll look forward to tonight.
- See you then.

Ladies.

Matthew?

- Charlene? Is that you?
- Yes!

- I can't believe it!
- [gasps] Neither can I!

Do you get the feeling
they know each other?

Well, if they don't, it's
a hell of a first meeting.

- How long has it been?
- Oh, about ten years.

You are still as
handsome as ever.

Don't tell me you
work here in Atlanta?

I sure do. Hyde,
Purcell and Jarvis.

- Come and sit.
- I never knew you were here.

- So, you two know each other?
- Know each other? Are you kidding me?

This is just one of my most favorite
people in the whole entire world.

Matt was with the attorney
general's office in Little Rock.

And when I was a
secretary at the capitol,

he was famous for
never losing a case.

- Wait a minute. Are you
Claudia's friend's daddy?
- Yes.

That's the most
incredible coincidence.

You know, I was just
in Little Rock last week

for a Southern black
leadership conference.

I know. They made you
chairman. I still have my spies.

Well, they couldn't find anybody
else dumb enough to accept it.

You know what I was
thinking about the other day?

Remember that time that Mick
Jagger and the Rolling Stones

were driving through Arkansas
on their way to that concert,

and that state trooper
pulled them over?

- What was his name?
- Eddie Childers.

Eddie Childers. That's
right. You see, Keith Richards

had thrown a soda pop
can out the car window,

and Eddie pulled them over
out in the middle of nowhere,

and he told them that littering
in Arkansas was a big offense.

And they said, "Wait a
minute. You don't understand.

You don't know who you're
talking to here. This is Mick Jagger."

That's right. And old Eddie said,
"I don't care if he's Mickey Mouse.

"In Arkansas, we don't throw
trash out on the highway.

I'm going to have
to run you boys in."

Oh, my gosh. You
mean he arrested him?

Oh, yeah. They spent the
night in jail and everything.

Matt was one of the
attorneys they called.

Oh, my gosh. Well,
how did it all end?

Well, it ended when
somebody finally paid the bail,

and with Mick purchasing
a real big litterbag.

Fascinating story.

Yeah, well, it's one of those things
where you kind of had to be there.

Hey, listen, I hate to break
up old homie, but I gotta run.

- I know. Bye.
- Bye.

My sincere apologies for
disrupting your business, ladies.

Oh, don't be silly. You
didn't disrupt anything.

- We were just
sitting around talking.
- That's right.

- Well, I'm looking forward
to tonight.
- Yes. So am I.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[door opens, closes]

- Well, that explains one thing.
- What?

Now I know why
the son's so cute.

[clicks tongue] You.

[Matt] I try to teach my
children to love all people.

But I don't teach them that all
people are going to love them.

Listen, I've spent a lot of
time sitting in banquet rooms

where I might be the only black
face in a sea 200 or 300 whites.

That's the funny thing
sitting in a room like that.

You can simultaneously
see how far you've come

and how far you
still have to go.

I just don't see
what that has to do

with Kyle and Claudia
going to a junior high dance.

It's not the dance
that's important.

It's an attitude that I
would be encouraging.

- What attitude?
- The attitude that just
because it's 1987,

white people have resolved
all their problems about us.

I don't want my
children losing that edge,

getting caught off
guard, getting hurt.

I'm sure your daughter wouldn't be
the one to do it, but someone else might.

But you're... you're
also imparting an attitude

that it's okay to be racist.

No. I'm saying it's
not okay to be naive.

Listen, I truly
appreciate your concern,

but you've been thinking
about this for one day.

I've been thinking
about it all my life.

And with all due respect, I don't
think you're gonna tell me anything new.

Although that doesn't mean I wouldn't
like to buy you dinner sometime.

I thought you didn't
believe in interracial dating.

I don't. For my children.

Oh. Oh, it's all right for you.

Isn't that sort of a
double standard?

Yes, but, you see,
I've already been hurt,

so I have nothing to lose.

But I expect more
for my children.

Well, let me just ask you
one question, Counselor.

I mean, what gives you the
right to see whoever you want to,

but to eliminate 70 to 80
percent of the entire population

of the United States as potential
companions for your children?

That's a very good question,
and I have a very short answer.

I'm the daddy.

All right. I'm being flip.

You're right. It's not fair.

But it's honestly the safest
solution I've come up with to date.

And anyway, because of your,

shall we say,
unrelenting tenacity,

I'm gonna amend
my original position.

Oh, good. And what exactly
would that be pursuant to?

In other words, I'm
going to make you a deal.

Look, I have to be a
chaperone at that dance anyway.

If you have dinner with me

and then be my
date for the evening,

I'll let Kyle take Claudia.

Why, that's blackmail.

Yes. Rather appropriate,
don't you think?

- Listen, Mr. Jarvis...
- Matt.

Okay. Matt. Look,
it's either okay

for Kyle to take Claudia to
the dance, or it's not okay,

but it shouldn't have
anything to do with us.

And I don't think that you should
be using your son in that way.

Well, I'm sure my son would
be happy to help me get a date.

He loves me.

I can't tell if you are
putting me on or what.

Only a little.

Look, I'll make it
even easier for you.

Since this has become so
important for everyone concerned,

I'll let Kyle go, whether
you go out with me or not.

- Oh, thank you.
- Now will you go out with me?

No.

I mean, I can't.

I go with someone.

Well, good for you. So do I.

- Do you?
- Well, yes, I see someone.

But that shouldn't preclude
you and I going to dinner

and chaperoning a
junior high dance together.

Of course, maybe your guy has
you a little more under his thumb.

No.

I mean, I make my own decisions.

He happens to be
out of town right now.

He's a talent scout
for the Braves.

I mean, if I were to
go, I would tell him.

But I can't, really.

It's not because you're black.

Well, uh, that makes
me feel a lot better.

Thank you. I'd
much rather be a jerk.

Does this mean you're not
gonna let Kyle take Claudia now?

No. I told you they can go.

I'm just glad I was finally
able to discern your criteria.

A junior high dance for a black
boy and white girl, that's fine.

Kid stuff. Just when
adults are involved

and the stakes are higher,
that's when it's not all right.

Is that pretty much it?

Do you use this routine about being
black every time you get turned down?

As a matter of fact, I do. I find it
saves me from a lot of embarrassment.

I think you are the most
infuriating man that I have ever met!

I want you to know I was
gonna vote for Jesse Jackson.

That was politics, Mrs. Shively.
We're talking about people.

And incidentally, I'd take a
guy in a sheet any day over you.

I know where he stands.

You're the one who's camouflage.

You're exactly the person I worry
about my children running into.

I am not a racist!

The question is
not, Mrs. Shively,

whether or not you're a racist.

We're all racist.

The question is, what
are you gonna do about it?

Charlene, I don't
care if he is your friend.

He is the most arrogant, infuriating
person that I have ever been around.

Well, I just don't get it.
Everyone I know loves him.

Well, if you do change your
mind and decide to go out with him,

I don't think you should
mention it to Anthony.

Might give him ideas. He might
start trying to date us himself.

- Suzanne.
- What?

Oh, Anthony, I didn't
hear you come in.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Now, let me see if
I have this straight.

You're worried that if Mary Jo
goes out with her black friend,

then that might give me
ideas, and I might start trying

to date all of you.

- Well, yes. Something like that.
- Mm-hmm.

Suzanne, let me give you a
little piece of advice, okay?

- Okay.
- Don't worry about that.

If you need me, I'll
be outside loading up.

Mary Jo, you know,
there is that old saying:

"Methinks she doth
protest too much."

You think that could
be the case here?

No. I don't want to go
out with Matthew Jarvis.

I don't even like him.

Well, I hate to
say I told you so,

but I said this could
get complicated, didn't I?

I said it's gonna be
just like that movie,

There's Some Black People
Coming Over for Dinner.

Suzanne, I don't want to hear you
call that movie by that name again.

We've told you the title.

Now, you either say it
right, or don't say it at all.

It just sounds stupid.

I just can't believe that I let him
get away with calling me a racist.

I mean, me, of all people.

If there is one thing that I
have taught my children,

it is that nobody is any
better than anybody else.

Oh, that's not true.

I'm better than a
lot of people I know.

In what way?

Oh, I don't know.

Better-looking, better
dressed, better hair.

Just lots of things.

Listen, just don't look
over there anymore.

Just pretend
that's not going on.

We don't hear anything
she says. Okay?

- Okay.
- Anyway, Mary Jo,

I think Mr. Jarvis is
saying if we are all equal,

you can't just say we're
equal except when it comes

to interracial dating
or interracial marriage.

I'm sure he feels that
to be a little bit equal

works about as well
as being a little bit alive.

Mary Jo, you cannot
ask Julia about this stuff.

I mean, she marched in
Selma, for crying out loud.

When she was in college, she
got herself arrested all the time.

Julia, I never knew that.

Oh, it was nothing
to write home about.

You can say that again. About
turned Mother's hair white.

You know, I never
thought about this before,

but you and Anthony
have something in common.

You're both ex-convicts.

I wish we had a trapdoor,
and we could just push a button,

and she'd fall down
in the basement.

You know what I can't understand

is that I gave my permission
for Claudia to go with Kyle,

and yet I'm the one who's
coming out a racist in this deal.

Well, I do think that's
unfair of Mr. Jarvis.

I mean, obviously, you just
don't want to go out with him.

Do you?

Oh, I... I don't know.

I mean, I guess not.

Mary Jo, what about J.D.?

Well, I called him, and... and he
said that it was all right with him

as long as we were just gonna get
a bite to eat and chaperone a dance.

Yep. Sounds to me like old J.D.'s
taken one too many balls to the head.

A trapdoor would be
wonderful, wouldn't it?

Will y'all stop talking
about me over there?

Now listen. You told this guy you
can't go, and if you ask me, that's it.

I mean, there's no point in you
sitting around here being guilty

just 'cause he
happens to be black.

I mean, what if he was a Chinese person or
an Eskimo? Would that be your fault, too?

I don't feel guilty.

- Well, how do you feel?
- I don't know.

A little bit disappointed, like maybe
you're missing out on some new opportunity?

Maybe.

Julia, you are just putting
words into her mouth.

Now listen. You don't
owe this guy anything.

You've been very
direct with him.

It's been my experience
that black people

always appreciate that.

I'll never forget this foreign
exchange student we had at Omiss.

He was from Africa, and
his name was K-A-K-I,

but everybody
pronounced it "cocky."

I don't know. He was in training for the
Diplomatic Corps, something like that.

Well, anyway, every
day in the cafeteria,

he'd walk around with
his little tray on his head.

And everybody'd make fun of
him, but nobody'd say anything.

So, one day, I just
walked right up to him,

and I said, "Kaki,
in this country,

"we don't walk around
with our trays on our heads.

You wanna get anywhere,
you better not, either."

To this day, I still get
letters from him thanking me.

Can you imagine? He might've
gone to a White House dinner,

stuck a platter up
there or something.

Thank you, Suzanne,

for shedding light on another
timely and controversial topic.

I'll tell you what makes
me madder than anything

is that he had the nerve to
compare me to the Ku Klux Klan.

You know, speaking
of cafeterias,

we had this guy in Poplar Bluff who
worked in the high school cafeteria.

You know, his name
was Billy Fay Hewitt,

and he and his mama drove
this great big old Hudson...

Charlene, we were not
speaking of cafeterias.

What do you mean?

I mean, is this story
gonna be racially relevant?

I don't know. The
Hudson was black.

Why can't I just tell
the story? It's funny.

Because Mary Jo has wanted
help with a personal problem,

and all you and Suzanne
have managed to do

is tell anecdotes about
people named Kaki

and Billy Fay somebody,

who have absolutely
nothing to do with anything.

That's 'cause you didn't let me
finish. Anyway, Mary Jo will like this.

You know, they had
this real narrow garage,

and Billy Fay's mama
was on the fat side.

You know, she insisted
they park that Hudson in it,

even though it only left a
couple inches outside each door.

And every day, Bill Fay'd
say, "Mama, it's not gonna fit."

And she'd say, "Billy Fay, don't you argue
with me. You put that car in the garage."

- One day, he parked the car...
- Well, you know,

I'd just love to hear
the end of this story,

but I've got to run an errand.

- Now?
- Yep. It's personal.

What's the big secret?

I mean, where's she going?
For counseling or something?

No, she's running
away from home,

because that's where
you all have driven her.

Mary Jo, may I just say one
thing about your errands?

- Sure.
- Well,

it occurs to me that it
would be highly unusual

for you to have
raised a daughter

who has any more courage of
her convictions than her mother.

Thank you.

Good luck.

[door closes]

It's all your fault
she left, Charlene.

If you hadn't started
telling that stupid story

about Billy Fay and his fat mama

trying to stick their car
in a garage somewhere.

You know, this is not what
the rest of us come to work for.

Well, what a pleasant surprise.

Don't get up and don't
act surprised, either.

I'm sure that you were
expecting me to come around,

because you knew that I would
be feeling guilty and defensive.

And I just want you to know that I've
been thinking about what you said all day,

and I don't think that I am
guilty... not in the first degree.

If this is gonna be
a long explanation,

perhaps we'd be more
comfortable over there.

No, thank you. I don't think that it would
be possible to be comfortable around you.

Anyway, this is what I wanna
say, and it's not an excuse.

I grew up in a very small
town that had very few blacks

and only one Jewish person... Sydney
Garfinkel, who owned the local shoe store.

Mostly ladies' shoes, but
later he got into fine apparel...

Is there gonna be
a quiz afterward?

I'm sorry. The people I work
with are beginning to rub off on me.

Anyway, what
I'm trying to say is

that I've had very little first-hand
knowledge of race relations

because there weren't
many, so to speak.

In fact, I'd just never
given it much thought

until this thing with
Kyle and Claudia.

I mean, it's just something
that had never come up and...

I kind of didn't want it
to come up because it's

an unknown thing to me,

and I've always been
afraid of the unknown.

Can you understand that?

Yeah. I can understand.

Good. [clears throat] Because
I have a proposal for you.

Shoot.

Maybe before I do that,

I should tell you one
other thing about my past.

- I did have a black mammy.
- No kidding! I did, too.

Now, tell me
about that proposal.

Well, what I propose is

that we stop being
afraid of each other,

and I also propose that we just
kind of throw caution to the wind

and go to the big
dance with each other.

That is, if you haven't asked
somebody else already.

I think that could be arranged.

Listen.

I want you to know

that I really appreciate
your coming here today.

- Do you?
- Yeah, I do.

At first, I thought you
were just terribly cute.

But now I find myself
beginning to like you a lot.

Who knows?

We might even become friends.

- Wouldn't that be scandalous?
- Yeah.

In fact, we could have an even
bigger problem on our hands.

- Oh? What's that?
- Who's gonna be our chaperone?

- ♪ Stay ♪
- ♪ Aw, just a little
bit longer ♪

Boy, I don't know about you,

but I've had it.

What time is it?

It's 12:15.

Got basketball
practice in the morning.

Let's make a pact, okay?

The next time we
come to a dance,

let's go with people
our own age, okay?

Okay.

It is kind of
embarrassing, isn't it?

♪ One more time ♪

♪ Oh, won't you stay ♪

♪ Just a little bit longer ♪

- ♪ Stay ♪
- ♪ Aw, just a little
bit longer ♪

♪ Please, please, please ♪

♪ Please, please ♪

♪ Say that you will ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA