Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 13 - Great Expectations - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪♪♪

Mary Jo, where you goin'?

J.D. and I are just taking
the kids for a long weekend.

I'm taking off tomorrow.

Well, I didn't know about this.

Why doesn't anybody
ever tell me anything?

Well, it's not like
it's a big deal.

We're just taking the
kids to a hotel here in town

so they can kinda get
to know each other.

They've only been together
once, so we just thought we'd have



a little weekend vacation, you know,
boys in one room, girls in the other.

Take 'em to the
zoo, the art museum.

Yeah, well, you can call it
a "little vacation" if you want,

but it sounds like a test to me.

What kind of test?

See how well
your kids get along.

J.D. wants to marry
you, doesn't he?

We've discussed it, but that doesn't
have anything to do with this weekend.

Yeah. Try telling that
to Marva Lynn McDole.

Okay, we give. Who's
Marva Lynn McDole?

Just an ex-sorority
sister of mine

who was dating one
of the Parnell brothers.

You know, the ones who
are just fabulously rich

and their father was
killed in that mysterious



golfing accident
down in the Bahamas.

Well, anyway, he took
her and her two kids

down to Lake Pontchartrain
for the weekend.

And when they came home,

little Marva wasn't wearing
her engagement ring anymore.

What's a mysterious
golfing accident?

Charlene, that's not the point.

I can assure you,
Suzanne, this is not a test.

I mean, J.D. and I aren't
even close to getting married,

and even if we were, I
know he loves my kids.

Yeah, right. I mean, did the
cart just get away from him?

Or did someone hit him
in the head with a ball?

Okay. I just finished
my last delivery.

Anything else?

Yes. There's a silk
flower arrangement

in the storeroom that
goes out to Fernida Coates

along with her other stuff.

Will do.

[telephone rings]

Thank you.

Sugarbakers'.

Yes. May I ask who's calling?

Oh. Just a moment, please.

Anthony, it's for you...
A Mr. T. Tommy Reed.

You must be kiddin'.
What's he calling me for?

I can't take that call. Do
you know who that is?

Yes. He's a convict.
Meanest one in your cellblock.

- How do you know?
- You pick up things... lyin' around.

Anthony, you mean
this is the person

you have told us all those
terrible stories about?

During your unfortunate
incarceration?

Yeah, and now he's callin'
me, and I can't take that call.

He's a crazed killer.

Well, what do you
want me to say?

I've acted like you're here.

Here.

Give me the phone.

Hello?

[accent] West Indian Embassy.

Mr. Anthony speaking.

[accent] I'm terribly sorry.

There's no Anthony
Bouvier at this number.

Oh, no, no, sir. No, sir.
You misunderstood our girl.

She said "Suga Baka,"
not "Sugarbaker's."

Suga Baka is a division of
the Republic of West India.

You must have dialed
our main consulate number

and someone inadvertently transferred
you to Suga Baka Regional Affairs.

I'll get one of our junior
consulates to handle your call,

and if we are disconnected,
please try again later.

Ha ha ha ha!

You think he bought that?

[All] No.

Oh, man. This is the day

I've been dreading
since I was born...

The day that T. Tommy Reed gets
out of prison and comes looking for me.

Is this the guy that checked
the book out of the prison library

on table manners and
then stabbed an inmate

for serving him
from the wrong side?

Right.

What do you think he wants now?

Oh, there's no telling.
He's huge. He's nuts.

He might want to kill me, or
he might just want to dance.

You mean he's gay?

No, No. He just likes to dance.

See, after table manners, he
got this book on ballroom dancing.

He just loved it. Pretty soon,
everybody had to take a turn with him.

Only thing was, he
just had one record...

Respect, by Aretha Franklin.

And T. Tommy
likes to make people

twirl round and
round on that part

where she would spell it out.
You know, ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪

over and over again until some
of the guys got sick and threw up.

A wonderful story.
Thank you for sharing it.

Do you think he might come
here and force us to dance?

Well, I just don't see why
we have to put up with him.

This is supposed to
be a decorating firm,

not a halfway
house for convicts.

It seems people, they're
always looking you up, Anthony.

The guys in the prison
thought I was easy to talk to.

I can't help it if I'm popular.

I don't see why you
can't just put him in touch

- with someone else.
- Who?

I don't know. Tell him
to call Johnny Cash.

I'm gonna go talk to my
parole officer and find out

- if he can find out
what's going on here.
- Good idea.

Anthony, by the way,
what, basically, did he do?

Basically... he cut
a man's head off.

♪♪♪

[knock at door]

Anybody home?

Oh, boy. We're glad to see you.

- Why?
- Oh, I'll tell you later.

- Hi!
- Hi!

Okay. Okay, now, kids,

now, don't touch anything.

Don't even think about
touching anything.

In fact, don't even make
eye contact with anything.

I have something for you guys.

Okay, who wants a sucker?

- Okay. Hannah. Here you go.
- Thank you.

- Burt. And Quint.
- Thank you.

Burt, what do you say?

I don't like orange.

Wrong.

Well, maybe you like grape.

Thank you.

- I'll see you guys Monday.
- Right.

You all are gonna
have the best weekend.

My goodness, the
zoo, the art museum.

I've been to the zoo.

I hate the art museum.

I don't even know what it is.

Fine. Y'all can stay in the room
and brush up on the hotel rules.

Mmm.

Bye, Aunt Julia.

Bye, sweetie. You
have a wonderful time.

I left the number of the
hotel right on my desk,

so just call me if
anything happens.

And we'll call you if
anything happens on our end.

What could happen to you?

Hey, five of them, two of us?

The balance of power
could shift at any minute.

- Yeah. We could
be taken hostage.
- Yeah.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

♪♪♪

It's getting dark out.

Anthony must've gotten tied up.

I have an idea. Why don't
I treat you both to dinner?

Oh, good, 'cause I don't
feel like being alone tonight.

Me, either.

- [gasps]
- Sorry I'm so late.

My parole officer had to squeeze
me in between appointments.

Anyway, he said that T.
Tommy Reed just got paroled,

and he's been calling everybody
he was ever in prison with.

But the good news is,

he's never actually shown
up to see anyone in person.

So I guess we could just
forget about the whole thing.

[women chuckle]

[knock at door]

♪♪ [suspenseful]

Anthony... would
you like to get that?

Me?

Yes. We'll just be tidying up.

[knocking]

Oh. Oh, sure. I'll get it.

Hey! T. Tommy! What a
surprise! How you doin'?

How you doin', bro?
Long time no see, huh?

[both laugh]

[laughs]

♪♪♪

It's great to see
you. How you been?

Never better. Never better.

Never better.
Did I just say that?

- Crazy guy. [laughs]
- [nervous laugh]

[nervous chuckle]

In prison, he used
to keep us in stitches

with all these accents
and crazy imitations.

That's how I knew it was
you on the phone today.

West Indian's my favorite.

I didn't know I had
done that one for you.

I'm sorry. I thought
you were the IRS.

Yeah, well, I guess you're wondering
what I'm doing here in Suga Baka.

But no, man. Not really.

Unless you want to tell me.

First, I'm trying to relocate.

Oh, hey, man. My
apartment is yours.

In fact, you can
have it. I'm tired of it.

I don't even like it. Let
me just find the key, man.

Will you stop this?
I'm staying at a hotel.

I got an expense
account. I got friends.

Oh. See, that's wonderful.
I'm so happy for you.

Anthony, I hate to
break up your reunion,

but it is closing time, and
we do have an appointment.

Oh, where are my manners?

Please, I hope you'll
forgive the intrusion

of my bodacious and
highly unorthodox visit.

Hey, I see you been
reading that dictionary again.

Yeah, that's not the kind
of thing I like pointed out

when I'm actually
trying out the new words.

I'm deeply sorry. I didn't know.

Anyway, may I say to you
three finely chiseled replicas

of exquisite female pulchritude

that I am deeply humbled
by your grace and beauty.

And will treasure our few
brief moments together.

Oh, gee, thanks.

I mean, it was good
for us, too, you know,

for such a short visit
and all, you know...

Mr. Reed, did I understand
you correctly that you're

going to be moving to Atlanta?

Yes. I'm opening a gift boutique

where I can import the finer
items I came to love in prison...

Wedgwood china, Pratesi sheets,

Belgian lace, fine
porcelain, Lalique crystal.

I'm especially
fond Lalique birds.

You had those in prison?

Well, actually, I only had
some pictures of them.

I found them in a book
I checked out once.

You know, you should do a commercial
for the American Library Association.

I mean, if ever a guy's life
was affected by reading...

Charlene, we really have to go.

Anthony, we'll
just be locking up.

Well, Anthony, what do you
say? How about some dinner?

Dinner? Well, I did
have an appointment.

- Yeah? What kind
of appointment?
- Oh, nothing.

Just some surgery.
I can cancel that.

Ahh, attaboy! You know,
ladies, I love this guy.

Maybe that's why I picked
him out of all the guys I know.

Picked me? Picked me for what?

To be my new business partner.

- [laughing]
- [nervous laughing]

[nervous chuckling]

[J.D.] Well, that art museum
was nice today, wasn't it?

- Yes, it was.
- Yeah. We ought to go
more often.

Count me out. I'd rather go to a
football game, if you don't mind.

Rex, you go to a
football game every week.

It won't hurt you to miss one.

[sighs]

Well, maybe we could
go out and see a movie.

We could see, uh,
Benji the Hunted

or Princess Bride.

Oh, yeah. That's
a good idea, huh?

I wanna go see Dirty Dancing.

Dirty Dancing?

Honey, you're only 9
years old, for crying out loud.

I say we go see Benji.

It's a family movie.
This is a family outing.

Yeah, too bad
it's not our family.

Okay, that's it. You
just lost your movie vote.

Go in the bedroom. We'll
call you when we go to dinner.

- Great.
- Yeah, great.

Remember me? I'm the guy who's
got your allowance in my pocket.

Daddy, I have to
go to the bathroom.

Just use the boys bathroom.

No, she can't. Somebody
made a sailboat

out of the room service
menu and stopped up the toilet.

Claudia, Hannah
needs the bathroom!

All right!

She's driving me crazy.

She just sits outside the
door. I'll be through in a minute.

[door closes]

Well, hurry up.

We're gonna go to
dinner and go see Benji.

Oh, shoot.

I knew I'd go see whatever
you two are gonna see,

because you'll make us,

just like you made us come
on this fun family outing

which is no fun at all.

Okay, Hannah, I
think that's it for you.

You'll be retiring to
bedroom number 2.

We'll call you when
you can come out.

Great.

I punish them, they like it.

I must be doing something wrong.

At least our little
ones are getting along.

- Mom!
- Honey, what's the matter?

Burt put ice down my pants.

Yeah, but he did it to me first.

Yeah, but not that much.

He poured the whole bucket.

Oh, he never cries
like this at home.

- Cry baby!
- You better shut up!

Bird doo head!

Bird doo head?

Since when do we call
people names like that?

That's the first time
I've ever heard that.

Listen, I've had
enough out of you two.

Now you can go in there
and get ready for dinner

because we're gonna go down
to the dining room in a few minutes

and we're gonna sit
around the table like a family.

And then we're all
gonna go to a movie

and we're gonna have fun.

And if we don't have fun,

you guys are gonna
live to regret it.

Do you understand that?

Yeah, we understand.

Bird doo head.

Well, I don't know, I think
it's going pretty well so far.

What do you think?

So what exactly do
you do at Sugabaker?

I'm kind of in sales
and distribution.

Basically, they
sell the furniture

and I distribute it.

Oh, you're the delivery man.

- Right.
- Hey, it's okay.

You don't have to
be ashamed with me.

I know how hard it is when
you first get out of prison.

That's why I'm determined
to make a go of it.

And that's why I picked
you to be my partner.

You got what it takes in here.

Ambition, class, style.

I even knew it the first
time I saw you dance.

[laughs]

I mean, those other
guys, they just twirl around

because I told them to.

But you put your
whole heart in it.

Thank you.

You know, Anthony, I
guess you heard the story

about how I cut
a man's head off.

Hey, man, these things happen.

He probably deserved that.

He betrayed me in the worst way.

He let me down.

I just hate it when
that happens.

You think you know somebody

and then they let you down.

You don't have to tell me.

Oh, but I want to. I
feel like I can trust you.

If I didn't, I wouldn't
have come all this way

with a $50,000
check in my pocket.

- $50,000?
- Right.

$50,000 from friends of
mine who believe in me.

We're taking over the Chic
Boutique right here in Atlanta,

and I want you to manage it.

- Me?
- Right.

I'm in a hurry. I need your
answer. What do you say?

May I be excused?

So what's everybody gonna have.

Peanut butter and jelly.

You can have peanut
butter and jelly any time.

Why don't you try
something different?

Okay, then just peanut butter.

Look at that. Claudia and
Rex are sharing a menu.

We have to. You took mine.

Well, so I did. Excuse me, son.

So are you two finding

that you have a couple
of things in common?

[both] No.

You could all take a lesson
from your little brothers here.

At least they played
together all afternoon.

Yeah, they got
into an ice fight.

Yes, but they made up.

Not me. I hate his guts.

- Quint.
- Bird doo head.

That's enough. I
told you about that.

Where's that waitress?

Forget about the waitress, okay?

There isn't gonna
be any waitress.

Nobody wants to come
anywhere near this table.

And who can blame them?

We are accompanied
by 5 obnoxious children

who hate each other and
hate us for bringing them here.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing. There's Anthony.

Anthony!

Who is that guy?

I don't know, but
I have a hunch.

What's the note say?

Help.

I think you should
consider his offer.

Being the manager is a lot
better than being a delivery man.

But I don't want
to be the manager.

And I definitely don't want to be
business partners with T. Tommy Reed.

Oh, man, this is terrible.

Well, hi. Thought
you were off today.

J.D. and the kids are
using the indoor pool,

and I just didn't feel like it.

I thought I might come in
and get some work done.

This is your big weekend.

Oh, yeah, well...

actually, it's not quite as
much fun as we thought.

Kids don't like it?

No, actually they hate it.

Claudia and Hannah
are too far apart in years.

And Burt and Quint are
both used to being the baby

and not sharing the spotlight.

And there's really
no explanation

for why Claudia and
Rex don't get along

except that they're teenagers

and probably should
be in military school.

So Anthony,

who was that with you
last night, Genghis Khan?

Yeah, that was him, all right.

Basically, he wants Anthony
to open a boutique with him

and he gave him
24 hours to decide.

Anthony hasn't slept all night,

'cause he keeps thinking
about that guy that got his head...

You know?

So he has two choices:

either let T. Tommy down easy,

or go into business with
him and try not to tick him off.

That's very good, Charlene.

Have you ever thought
about being a golf announcer?

Hey, I don't have
any choice, do I?

There's only one
thing to do here.

Leave the country.

I'm gonna go see
about a passport.

It won't do any
good to run away.

No matter where you go,
he can always find you.

Uh-uh, not if I
become a shepherd.

I saw a documentary
on it about 4 this morning.

It's a pretty good life.

Trust me, often times,

the anticipation of
something terrible

is worse than the actual event.

Oh, I don't know.

I think actually getting
your head cut off

might be a lot worse
than anticipating.

Hey, bro. How's it
going? Mind if I come in?

Going great. Come on in.
Have a seat. Be my guest.

I'm in kind of a rush.
You make your decision?

Well, I've been giving
it a lot of thought.

- And?
- And basically...

- I'm sorry.
- What's so funny?

Nothing. I just laugh
when I get nervous.

Just let me get
a hold of myself.

So what's it gonna be?

Well, it's gonna be...

The answer is no.

Anthony does not want to
go into business with you.

Oh? Why not?

- Personal reasons.
- Such as?

He doesn't have to tell.
That's what personal means.

- Furthermore...
- Wait a minute, Julia.

You don't have to do this.

This is my job.

She's telling you the truth.

I just can't... No, man,
I don't want to do this.

I appreciate you asking me.

But these ladies
believe in me, too.

They gave me a job when I got
out the joint and nobody else would.

And I got a chance
for advancement here.

- Right?
- Right

So I don't want to blow it, man.

So if you're gonna kill
me, just get it over with.

Just don't do it on this
rug. I just shampooed it.

What's the matter?

Just touched me,
man. That's all.

This is just the kind of
loyalty I'm looking for.

And I sure don't want to
mess up what you got here.

That is so sweet.

I guess I gave it
my best shot, huh?

If you ever change your
mind, here's my card.

- That's it?
- That's it.

I can't believe it.

Good luck, buddy.

Stay in touch, huh?

T. Tommy?

One more thing.

Just out of curiosity,

that guy that you
killed, what did he do?

He turned me down.

- Twice.
- I understand.

Why do we have to
have a conference now?

Because somebody
said something today

that kind of made me see things.

Great. Now can
I go roll my hair?

No, I'm not finished.

What... Sit down, please.

What this person said was

that sometimes the
anticipation of something terrible

is worse than the actual event.

So that got me thinking
that by the same token

that the anticipation
of something wonderful

might be better
than the actual event.

Is this a riddle?

No, honey.

What I'm trying to say is that

your dad and I have been
planning and anticipating

this weekend for a long time.

And because we love each other,

we wanted you all
to love each other too.

But we seem to have forgotten

that you all don't
really know each other.

I think the reason this
hasn't been too much fun

is because the two adults
here have been trying so hard

to make everybody put
their best foot forward,

when what we should
have been doing

is just kind of getting
to know each other.

Warts and all.

Oh, I would say some warts
have been brought forward.

So can we go home?

We can't go home. But
we can be ourselves.

[kids] Yeah!

The new rule is

nobody has to like anybody else.

[kids] Yeah!

But whether you do or don't

is not gonna affect the way

J.D. and I feel
about each other.

So what are we
supposed to do now?

Anything you want to.

Might be a good idea
to have some free time.

Me too. That's a great idea.

Maybe about an
hour of free time.

- Let's go!
- Okay!

Oh, I get it.

You're gonna kiss.

Oh, don't be silly.

We can't do that kind
of stuff. We're parents.

Here's some money, you guys.

Go downstairs to
the video game room

That will alleviate the pressure

that the art museum
has put on your brains.

We'll just be sitting here
worrying about your futures.

Okay? Keep an eye
on your little brothers.

- I don't have any quarters.
- I've got quarters.

Come on.

Hey.

Have I told you lately I
think you're pretty neat?

Mmm, not lately.

Well, I do.

I also think you're
pretty sexy, too.

- Hmm?
- I mean, for a mom.

See? I told you!

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA