Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 1, Episode 19 - Mary Jo's Dad Dates Charlene - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Suzanne, you've been sitting
at that typewriter all morning.

- So?
- So it's starting to get
on my nerves.

I mean, it'd be different
if you could type.

I just can't stand all that
hunting and pausing and pecking.

If you think I like
sitting here typing up

all these letters of
recommendation, you're crazy.

Especially not for
the Wilson girls.

I mean, there's no point in
them going through Rush.

They're not even attractive.

If you ask me,



all that sorority stuff's a
lot of nonsense anyway.

You don't know what
it's like to feel that

deep, unbreakable
bond with 70 or 80

of your closest friends.

I felt the bond, Suzanne.

I'm just not the kind of person
who enjoys standing around

in circles all day,
singing and holding hands

with other women.

You know, I never
believed they kicked you out

for not wearing a
girdle on campus.

Now, you can't tell
me it wasn't personal.

Betty Purvis was president then

and she never got over that
remark you made about her.

- What remark?
- When you said she looked like
she was weaned on a pickle.



Wait'll y'all see
what I just bought.

But before I show you,

I just want to go
on record as saying

I'm sick and tired of
man-crazy women.

You know, all women
talk about on TV.

That's all you read about
in women's magazines...

About the man
shortage, you know?

How to get one. How to keep one.

And I for one, just want to say

that I believe there is
more to life than men.

However,

over this I had
absolutely no control.

I saw, I had to have.

Oh.

Who is that?

That is the best looking
man left on earth.

Where can this
person be located?

I don't know.

You know, I was pushing
my cart through Pic 'n Save

and all of a sudden I looked up

and there he was.

And I said to myself,
"Charlene,"... exact words...

"that is the best looking
man left on earth."

And to top it off,
he only cost a buck.

Wait a minute.
Look at that logo.

That's an Atlanta address.

[gasps] You think we
can actually find him?

Just listen to the two of you.

You sound like a
couple of bloodhounds

picking up a scent.

I could hang a man on a stick

and work you into a frenzy.

[phone rings]

Hello?

No, he's out on a delivery now.

May I take a message?

"Big Blue rolls tonight"?

Who is this, please?

Mr. Victor's Dog
Grooming Parlor.

I see.

Yes, I'll be sure he
gets the message.

- What was that all about?
- I don't know.

But I'm certainly gonna
find out from Anthony

when he gets here.

Y'all will never believe
what just happened.

I'm getting the kids
ready for school

and the phone rings
and guess who it is!

The best looking
man left on earth?

No. My Daddy.

He's here in Atlanta
or he will be in an hour.

I mean, he said he
was gonna surprise me.

And then he decided maybe
that wasn't such a good idea.

So I'm gonna go out and
pick him up at the airport

and he's gonna be
here four whole days!

Mary Jo, that's wonderful.

Well, you know,
he hasn't visited me

since he and Mama got divorced.

He's had this crazy
idea that I'm mad at him.

But, I'm not.

Well, maybe I am a little.

Four days. What are you
gonna do to entertain him?

Well, I don't know. I mean,
he's kind of a homebody.

The days are taken
care of, anyway.

He's here to attend
a convention for vets.

I didn't know your
dad was in Vietnam.

Suzanne, he's a veterinarian.

Don't you know
what a veterinarian is?

Of course I know, Julia.

What'd you think I thought?

Somebody that doesn't eat meat?

Give me a break.

I didn't just come in on
the last banana wagon.

It's boat, not wagon.

Sticks and stones
can break my bones,

but words can never hurt me.

Oh, I hate it when she
pummels us with clever repartee.

Mary Jo, you better get going

if you're gonna meet
your daddy's plane.

If you could just call Schumachers
about those fringe pillows.

I am so excited.

This is the first time Daddy
will ever have seen the shop.

We'll just grab a little lunch,

then I'll bring
him back by here.

If anybody wants to mention

that I'm doing a
pretty good job here,

that would be okay.

- Mary Jo.
- Oh, right.

- Get out.
- I'm gone.

Okay, the van is loaded.
I just need to know

if I'm supposed to
pick up that couch

before I take that other
stuff out to the Morrisons'.

Yes, it's ready. The
upholsterer just called.

Anthony, I'd like to ask
you a personal question.

Mr. Victor's
Dog-Grooming Parlor called

and said, "Big
Blue rolls tonight."

Would you care to explain that?

Yeah, well, I was gon'
mention that to you.

See, I had a chance

to freelance our van a
couple of nights a week

because Mr. Victor
overbooked the Dog-mobile.

I didn't think you'd mind.

Anthony, are you telling us

you've been using
Sugarbaker's furniture van

- as a taxicab for dogs?
- Oh, no, it's not a taxicab.

It's not like I got 'em
on a meter or anything.

No wonder Consuela took
one whiff of those drapes

you delivered for my sun porch
and said they smelled like dog.

Hey, now, I keep
that van spotless.

And every one of those
dogs is housebroken,

except for the Great Dane.

But I guess if you're a Great
Dane, you don't have to be.

Anthony.

Okay, I guess I got
a little carried away.

You know, when I
first got out of prison,

I only had one suit to my name.

I guess I saw this
as an opportunity,

not only to better myself,

but to become an
important role model

for other delinquent
ghetto youth.

How forward-thinking of you.

I'll be fascinated to see

how your riding around
in a van full of dogs

is going to lead some
minority child to the Nobel Prize.

Uh-huh.

Well, I guess I also took
into account the human factor,

poor Mr. Victor being at
one of his more fragile points.

After years of being
drunk and destructive,

he finally joined AA.

Oh, I admire people
so much who do that.

Yeah, well, all of us
at the grooming parlor

are pretty darned proud of him.

He's devoting
his whole life to it.

That's amazing.

Why would anyone
want to devote their life

to the Automobile Club?

Suzanne, that's AAA.

This is AA, as in
Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know that.

Okay, Anthony.

You better tell Mr. Victor

that he's going to have to be
on the wagon without our van.

I'm out of here. I'll tell
Mr. Victor the deal is off.

Who is that?

Just a guy I like.

Yeah? Dude looks wimpy to me.

I bet his mama
butters his toast for him.

Hi, everybody.
I'm sorry we're late.

The traffic was just awful.

Daddy, I'd like
you to meet Julia,

who's the captain
of our little team here.

Julia, this is my
dad, Davis Jackson.

How do you do, Dr. Jackson?

Well, how do you do?

I'm just awfully glad
to finally meet you

and get to thank you for taking
such good care of my daughter.

Well, we don't have to do much.

- She takes
pretty good care of herself.
- That's true.

I'll have to take you out and show
you some of her decorating jobs.

Daddy, this is Charlene, who
used to live next door to me,

but I don't believe
you've met her.

Charlene, it is an
honor to meet you.

But I must say that Mary
Jo failed to do you justice

- in her description.
- Now, Daddy, I told you
how cute she was.

Mary Jo, "cute" doesn't
even begin to cover it.

Thank you.

Actually, she described
you a little differently, too.

Oh? How's that?

I don't know.
More like... a father.

[laughter]

Well, maybe that's
'cause he is my father.

Daddy, come on. I want
you to meet Suzanne.

- Daddy?
- Oh. What?

I want you to meet
Suzanne, our other partner.

Oh, I'd love to meet Suzanne.

Charlene, I trust I'll
be seeing more of you.

- Well, I hope so,
Dr. Jackson.
- Davis. Call me Davis.

All right. Davis.

Or you could just
call him Dr. Jackson.

That's what most of
my friends call him.

Daddy, I want you to meet
Suzanne, our other partner.

Suzanne, this is my
dad, Davis Jackson.

- Hello.
- Suzanne, my pleasure.

Well now, I don't know what
you ladies would attribute this to,

but you are the
best-looking group of women

I have seen
accumulated in some time.

Oh, Daddy, is that
all you can say,

just that we're good-looking?

Well, Mary Jo, I've only
known them five minutes.

It'd be a little hard to commit
to anything else right now.

I mean, don't
you like the store?

Oh, yes. It's just a dandy.

And you all have done
a bang-up job here.

A bang-up job.

Well, we're still working on it.

Dr. Jackson, I can't
tell you what a joy it is

to work with your little girl.

That's true. She's the most
popular person at Sugarbaker's.

Don't go on. I can't pay any
more than the $25 we agreed on.

I was gonna say, it's getting
a little thick around here.

Not that Mary Jo isn't a
perfectly lovely person.

Well, thank you. Her mother
and I have always thought so.

We'll just have a little tea,

and then I'll take
you by the house,

and J.D.'s gonna
pick us up around 7:00.

That'll be fine. Then the
four of us can go to dinner.

What four of us?

Well, you, this J.D. person,
and me and my date.

Your date? Who's your date?

Well, I was kind of hoping
it would be Charlene.

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ I can really move ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ I'm in the groove ♪

♪ Now do you love me? ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ Now that I can dance ♪

Well, I can't believe my dad
knows how to dance like this.

He used to dance with
me before the prom,

and he wasn't even
good at the two-step.

Well, he probably
didn't try too hard.

I'm sure you dance with your daughter
differently than you do with a date.

J.D., Charlene is
not Daddy's date.

She's... like a chaperone.

Well, she looks like

she's chaperoning him
pretty good right now.

Well, I'm glad they
stopped that fast stuff.

Daddy's not used to that.
He could have a heart attack.

He doesn't look like he's
gonna have a heart attack.

J.D., would you stop saying
what everybody looks like?

I can see he's
having a nice time.

Why does that
bother you so much?

It doesn't.

I don't know.

I guess I'm just not used
to seeing my dad on a date.

I mean, being chaperoned.

Charlene, you know you
remind me of a girl I knew

at the end of the war.

You're joking. You
mean the Big One, WWII?

That's the one.

Oh, I just love that war.

I mean, I'm sorry it had
to happen and all that,

but I think that
was the last time

men and women
were real romantic.

All those men
going off to battle.

I know if I'd been around then,

I would've been the
cheapest woman alive.

- I doubt that.
- No, it's true.

I have a weakness for uniforms.

So what was this girl like?

Well, everything
about her was pretty,

just like you.

I used to buy her orchids
on the black market.

She had legs that
went on forever,

and she was kind. She
was very kind to me.

Were you wounded?

Yes. Everyone else in
the battalion was killed.

I was the youngest
one. I lied about my age.

I bet you got the
Purple Heart, didn't you?

Mary Jo doesn't
even know about that.

You never told her?

It never came up.

But I'm not here
to tell war stories.

I just want to say that
I'm having a better time

than a fellow like
me ought to have.

And if you get tired of waltzing this
old geezer around the dance floor,

you just return me to my chair.

No chance.

[Mary Jo] Oh, no,
I can't believe this.

The man has a
steel plate in his leg,

and he's taking up breakdancing.

He'll never be
able to get back up.

Okay, he got lucky.

Well, Mr. Live and Let Live,

you call that just having
a good time? Hmm?

- What? What?
- Well, look at them.

An hour ago they were
dancing like normal people.

Now you couldn't get the
crack of dawn between them.

You know, Charlene,

I don't want this to sound
like a line or anything,

but did anybody ever tell you

that you dance like an angel?

Yeah.

Well, I hate to break
up Lawrence Welk

and his lovely little
Champagne Lady,

but J.D. and I would
like to call it a night.

[Davis] Okay, honey.

All right. I'll leave the key
under the welcome mat.

Right. Don't wait up.

[J.D.] Good night.

[Mary Jo] Good night.

[Charlene] Bye.

Where could they be?
It's 1:30 in the morning.

Look, Mary Jo, they're
probably still dancing,

or talking, or walking.

Or one of those other
words that ends in "ing".

So that's what you're
worried about, isn't it?

No.

Not exactly.

It's just that if he lets Charlene
see him in his underwear,

I will just kill myself. Does
that make any sense?

Mary Jo, honey,

your dad is a red-blooded,
all-American male

who just happens to be single.

Now that is a fact,
whether he's 20 or 80.

And I don't think that
him being your father

is gonna stop him from doing
anything he wants to do from now on.

- So you're just gonna
have to get used to that.
- I know.

I'm being selfish and immature.
I wish I'd never called Patty.

It's just gonna
get her all upset.

You called your sister?

Yeah, while you
were in the kitchen.

Thank goodness
she wasn't at home.

[telephone rings]

Hello.

Yes, just a minute.

It's Patty.

Hello, Patty. Thank
Heaven you called back.

Listen, I think Daddy's
losing his mind.

This girl that I
remind you of...

How come you never married her?

Well, it's a long story
with a sad ending.

And I think they're trying
to kick us out of here.

She died, didn't she?

- How'd you know that?
- I don't know.

But it's obvious
you loved her a lot.

Well, I'll tell you,
Charlene, I'm a dreamer.

She was a dreamer, and
that's what attracted me.

I come from a long line of
drunken artists and poets

and ne'er-do-wells.

It's a blessing I met
Mary Jo's mother,

or I'd have never
gone back to school.

It's crazy. I can't explain it,

but I feel so
comfortable with you.

I feel like I've
known you forever.

Well, I haven't looked
in the mirror lately,

but I bet I got a
big grin on my face,

and I want to thank
you for putting it there.

Thank you for giving
me such a wonderful time.

Thank you for being
such a wonderful friend.

Oh, oh, I'm so excited.

They're gonna show "Gone
With the Wind" again on cable.

Oh, don't you just love
that period of history?

No, actually, my people didn't
enjoy the Civil War all that much.

You know, sometimes I wish

we could go back to
the way things were then.

People were so
polite and genteel.

Anthony, have you
ever given any thought

to calling us Miss Suzanne
and Miss Julia and Miss Mary Jo?

No, I can't say that I have.

- Morning.
- Charlene.

Oh, Julia, I know.
I'm sorry I'm late.

I overslept.

I'm not surprised, after
what you've been doing.

Why? What have I been doing?

That is between you
and your conscience.

All I know is my dad
rolled in at 2:00 A.M.

for the third night in a row,

and I could still smell
your perfume on him.

Well, that's 'cause
we went dancing again.

I just want to know one thing.

[whispers] Have you
seen him in his underwear?

What? Of course not.
What's gotten into you?

[normal voice] I'll tell
you what's gotten into me.

I'm sick and tired of
everybody around here

going out with
the men in my life.

First Suzanne gets
engaged to my ex-husband,

now you're dating my father.
What is the matter with you people?

Is the man shortage so bad
you have to pilfer my drawers?

I mean, there are 400
billion men on earth.

Why do you keep
raiding my house?

Uh, I'll just be out back
loading up the truck.

Mary Jo, I think you
make a very good point.

Mary Jo, I can see you're upset,

but nothing happened
between your daddy and me.

- We were just having
a nice time.
- Well, that's good,

because I know how easy
it is for you to fall in love,

and I just want you to know
that no matter what happens,

I'm not calling you Mom.

Well, that's good, too, 'cause
I don't want to be your mom,

and if you don't believe me that
nothing happened with your daddy,

- then you ask him yourself.
- Good. I will.

Well, I hope next time you come,

you can spend a little
more time with me.

Mary Jo, I know you're upset
about this thing with Charlene.

No, I... I'm not upset.

I just hope you
didn't embarrass me.

Now how would I have done that?

Well, I don't know why
this keeps coming to mind,

but if, for example,

you let her see you
in your underwear.

What?

That would embarrass me.

Let me remind you
that I am still your daddy.

And whether she did or didn't...

And incidentally, she didn't...
Is none of your business.

How about prancing around
with a woman half your age

who happens to be my best
friend? Is that my business?

Now Mary Jo, it's not as if I've
been unfaithful to your mother.

- We're divorced.
- Oh, yes, I know.

Just wave the magic wand,
and 32 years out the window.

They're not out the window.

I loved your mother,
and she loved me.

We just grew apart.

How can that happen
after all that time?

I don't know, baby.

But I do know that the
more you love someone,

the longer it takes.

Now you've been mad at me
ever since the divorce, haven't you?

How did you know?

Well, you get that look on
your face like your mother.

What look?

That look Eleanor
Roosevelt used to have

when she came up
from the coal mines.

I just hoped that...

the two of you could
stick it out a little bit longer.

Like forever.

Now Mary Jo, you
mother put up with me

just about as long as she could.

But you're not
supposed to get divorced.

You're my parents.

May I remind you that you
are also a divorced parent?

That's... different?

How?

'Cause when you get old,
you're supposed to stay put.

I'm sorry.

I know I'm acting like a child.

But the truth is,

when your parents
split up, it hurts.

- I know.
- No matter
if you're 5 or 50.

I know, baby.

I just can't stand thinking
about you and Mama

throwing away all those
years, just wasting them.

Waste?

Now Mary Jo, We
loved each other.

We had good times.

And we could never
say anything about waste

in the same breath that
we were looking at you.

I love you so much, Daddy.

I love you, too, baby.

Charlene,

I want to apologize to you
for the way I've been acting.

Daddy told me nothing
went on between you two,

and I...

I just want to thank you
for making him happier

than I've seen him in years.

Oh, Mary Jo, you
don't have to thank me.

He also said to tell Charlene

I'm sending her some
black market orchids,

whatever that means.
Obviously, you do.

- Are you sure
nothing went on?
- I'm sure.

I want you to close your eyes.

- I have a little present...
- No.

Just to thank you for
being such a good friend,

and it's my way
of saying I'm sorry.

Okay, now close your eyes.

Okay, open your eyes.

No! Oh, Mary Jo!

You asked for him, you got him.

The best-looking
man left on earth.

Hi. Tom Clarkson.

Hi. Mary Jo!

Hey, when I
apologize, I apologize.

[laughter]