Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 1, Episode 17 - Nashville Bound - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Suzanne, have you seen
those invoices on that furniture

that went out to
Bonnie Walper's?

No.

Well, they were
around here yesterday.

Charlene's parents
are coming to Atlanta

the week after next?

Not just her parents,
her whole family.

All ten brothers and sisters?

Yeah, and their wives,
and husbands and kids.

It's going to be a
regular hillbilly holiday.



They're bringing a bus
up from Poplar Bluff,

some sort of Baptist
convention or something.

Where are they
all going to stay?

I don't know, Mary Jo.

I don't ask questions like that.

I don't want some hillbilly
tent city on my lawn.

For heaven's sake,

just because they're
from the Ozarks

doesn't mean
they're uncivilized.

Easy for you to say.

You weren't tied to
a tree in Deliverance.

You all are just
never going to believe

what's happened
to me, just guess.

Your entire family
is coming to Atlanta.



I know! I'm so excited.

That's not it.

I was at this party last night.

These friends of mine
who know I like to sing

start badgering me,
but I don't like to do it

unless I have my brother Robert
to accompany me on guitar,

like when we used to
perform for the Jaycees.

Anyway, they just
kept on, and on.

So, finally, I did
"Stand By Your Man,"

a capella.

When it was over, this
guy comes up to me.

He says, "Honey,
you couldn't know this,

but you're about to
become a big recording star.

I'm the one who's
going to make it happen.

And you believed that?

Well, Julia, he's a big record
producer from Nashville.

His name is Gaylon King.

Charlene, legitimate
record producers

don't just hear somebody
sing one song at a party,

and tell them they're
gonna be a big star.

I'd be very happy to
have him manage me.

Manage you?

Well, sure.

I have to have someone
help me get started.

Anthony, did you
deliver that sectional sofa

out at Felicia Mack's?

Yes, I did.

Good, because she called
and wondered where you were.

Well, that's because she
wanted me to have lunch with her.

Excuse me, but I do not care
to be caught fooling around

with the wife of
a defensive tackle

for the Atlanta Falcons.

Don't you get the impression

that she was lonely?

Yes, I did,

especially, when she
answered the door naked.

- She didn't.
- Oh, yes, she did.

Anthony, what did you do?

I fell to my knees,
and I begged for mercy.

I said, "Please,
don't do this to me."

I have seen Wendell Mack.

His teeth are
bigger than my face.

What I don't understand

is why these things
are always happening

to you and Charlene?

Wait a minute,
how'd I get into this?

I don't think I have that
many things happen to me.

Charlene, get serious.

Name me one other person

who has been in nine
automobile accidents,

and had a pet
struck by lightning.

What's your point?

My point is that maybe, somehow,

you and Anthony inadvertently

bring trouble on yourselves.

Oh, I don't think that's true.

Do you think that's
true, Mary Jo?

You were the only one

who went to a furniture
mart that got high-jacked.

Oh, and this is my fault

because a man I've never
met sits down next to me

and says, "Tonight,
we dance in Havana?"

All I'm saying is that
it's always something.

And this Gaylon King
person, whoever he is,

is going to turn out to
be another big disaster.

I can smell it a mile away.

Everything will be
in uproar for days.

Life boats will be brought out,

everyone will be screaming,

"We're all going to die."

- [knocking]
- All I'm saying,

is just this once,

when trouble knocks at our door,

couldn't we just tell trouble
to fold it in five corners,

and put it where
the sun don't shine?

- Okay?
- Okay.

But you be the one to say it.

[Julia] May I help you?

Yes. I'm Wendell Mack.

I'm looking for Anthony Bouvier.

You see?

This is a perfect example

of what I was talking about.

Anthony is sent out to
deliver a sectional sofa,

and now it's going
to end in bloodshed.

[laughing]

She's having kind
of a rough day.

I'm Anthony. How
are you, Wendell?

I can't tell you how
much I admire you.

You're my favorite Falcon.

Get up.

Okie dokie.

I may be big, but I'm not dumb.

I graduated in the top
ten percent of my class,

and I'm smart
enough to figure out

when some guy has
insulted me and my wife.

We have an understanding, see?

I live my life, she lives hers.

The only thing I
make sure of is that

she's happy and satisfied.

Now what I want to know is,

where does a little
punk like you get off

turning down
someone like Felicia?

Well, I just thought that...

I don't care what you thought.

I'm just giving you a warning.

The next time my
wife comes on to you,

you'd better figure out a way

to put a smile on her face.

Do we understand each other?

Boy, I sure hope so.

Good.

Then I trust we won't
have to do this again.

Ladies.

Something about
that didn't sound right.

Hi.

I'm Gaylon King.

Hi, Gaylon. Come on in.

Yes, Mr. King.

We've been expecting you.

Unfortunately,
we're all very busy.

So I'd appreciate it if
you'd just go ahead and do

whatever it is
you're going to do.

Like what?
- Like cheat us, rob us,

kill us, just get it over with.

Julia.

Um, Gaylon,

this is my friend
Julia Sugarbaker.

She has a few
reservations about all this.

Um, did you find us okay?

Are you kidding? I'm
an old Georgia boy.

Atlanta's my turf.

I throw a big bash every
year for Waylon Jennings

over at the Al Edco club.

They call it "Waylon and Gaylon,

Together Again."

Um, Gaylon, this
is Mary Jo Shively.

- Hi, how are you doing?
- Hi.

This is Suzanne Sugarbaker.

- Hello.
- Hey.

Has anyone ever told you

you look like Vivien Leigh?

Yes, they have. I
get that all the time.

Oh, and this is Anthony Bouvier.

Anthony, how you doing?

Here's a space
shuttle key chain,

compliments of me.

I'm on the list to go up.

[Charlene] Gaylon,

um, they're a little concerned

that you might be, you know,

just taking me for a ride.

So I thought if
you could explain

a little bit about what
you have in mind...

Oh, sure, Charlene.
I'd be glad to.

What you want is

a little reassurance from
me that I'm not going to be

taking advantage of
your friend Charlene here.

Well, I'm not
going to lie to you.

It's going to cost
some bucks up front.

It's going to cost
$2,000, to be exact.

It is?

That's just to get in the door.

That gets you a couple
of songs in a local club

with a couple of talent scouts,

which, incidentally, is
going to happen right away.

I think we need
to test the waters.

And it also is going to get you

one no-frills demo tape,

and I'm going to
waive my manager fee

until we make it big.

Well, that sounds fair.

Speaking of making it big,

can you believe that Billy Vera?

Now is that a great
song, or what?

I tried to tell him
four years ago,

♪ I would get down on my knees ♪

♪ And kiss the ground
that you walk on ♪

♪ If I could just hold you ♪

♪ Again ♪

Gaylon, that's fantastic!

I didn't know you could do that.

I'm serious. You
should sing, yourself.

You should.

Oh, no way, I'm not a star,

I'm a star maker.

You know, it's been a long time

since somebody made
me sit up and take notice

the way Charlene here did.

I'm not just talking
about singing.

Good singers are a dime a dozen.

She's just got... it.

You know?

That undefinable spark that
reaches out and grabs you

like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn,

all the great ones.

I'm not saying it's
going to be easy.

I'm not even saying it's
for sure going to happen.

I'm only saying

I'm going to give it
my very best shot.

And if I don't, I hope
I'm struck by lightning.

You could get your wish.

Her dog was struck by lightning.

You know, I was thinking
last night about Charlene,

about how she always

gives everybody the
benefit of the doubt

And things happen to her

because once
she gets on a track,

she just doesn't
notice anything else.

She's like those women

you read about in
The National Enquirer,

the ones who don't
know they're pregnant.

One day, they're
just sitting around

sipping on a soda or something.

All of a sudden, they
look down and say,

"My stars, would you look
at that? I just had a baby."

That's Charlene.

Anthony,

you're an expert on
low-lifes and con-men.

Tell me, do you think
there's any chance

that this Gaylon person
could be on the up-and-up?

Remember that
fertilizer commercial

with some some dude skiing
down Bandini Mountain?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.

Well, this guy is the
Jean-Claude Killy

of Bandini Mountain.

Anthony, where are you going?

I'm going out to Felicia
and Wendell Mack's house

to pick up that
furniture she's returning.

Why do you think
I'm wearing my jeans

with the double-lock zipper?

Hi, Anthony.

Whoo, hey, Charlene.
Looking good.

Thank you.

Gaylon gets these
Tony Lama boots

for 50 percent off, in
case you guys want any.

[all] No, thank you.

Well, I guess that's unanimous.

Listen, babe, I got to run.

I'll see you at
practice later, okay?

- Okay.
- Oh.

Thank you for my
rhinestone tie clip.

You're welcome.

Charlene.

[door closes]

Are you giving this
person presents now?

Charlene, don't you see
what's happening here?

He's bilking you.

No, he's not.

I bought him that
tie clip for the debut.

There's gonna be a lot of important
people there from Nashville.

He has to look good, too.

Well, I just don't
understand how you got

so obsessed with this
all of a sudden, anyway.

I've always talked
about being a singer.

Daddy says I'm
just like my mother.

We both have that same
faraway look in our eye.

Mama used to get up
on Saturday mornings

when she couldn't take
another day of us kids.

She'd get in her car,
and she'd drive all the way

to the Grand Ole Opry, alone.

See, that was her dream,
to be on stage there.

Is that why this is
so important to you,

because of your family?

Well, I'm crazy
enough to try it anyway.

But when I found out they
were coming to see me,

that just sort of made
up my mind for me.

Y'all don't know what it's like,

being the oldest of 11 children.

You feel responsible.

I remember this one time

when we lived just
outside Poplar Bluff,

Robert and I went to
the bank with Daddy

to get a loan.

They kept us waiting
for over two hours,

and Daddy just sat there
with his hat in his hand.

Finally, this Mr. Chommers
stood up, and he said,

"Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Frazier,

I don't see how we could
possibly secure a loan

for a man who can't even
keep his children in shoes."

I looked down,

and Robert had this big
hole in the end of his shoe

he'd stuck newspapers in.

I'll never forget it.

It said, "Nixon resigns."

Anyway, Daddy just stood up,

and he said, "Mr. Chommers,

my children may not
have the best shoes,

but you can count on each
one of them growing up

and doing just a little
bit better than me.

And if each one of them has
even half the kids I've had,

they'll be 66-strong.

So I can only hope

you're as self-sufficient
as we are fertile,

because you just turned
down half the town.

That's a wonderful speech.

Yeah, well, we still
didn't get the loan.

I just vowed, right
then and there,

that someday, I'd make
my daddy so proud,

he'd never have to hold
his hat in his hand again.

[Julia] We've never had
a family of 27 for cocktails.

Gee, I don't know
why you're going

to all this trouble for anyway.

They're probably bringing
their own moonshine.

Hush, Suzanne.

You know this is
Charlene's special night,

and everything's
just got to be perfect.

Okay, everybody.
Guess who's here?

We know who's here. Get in here.

Mama, Daddy, this is Mary Jo.

These are my
parents, Ione Frazier

and Orville Bud Frazier.

[Mary Jo] So nice to
meet you, Mr. Frazier.

Please, call me Bud.

Mary Jo, how are you?

It just seems like we've
known you for so long.

Well, I feel like I
just know you, too.

- And this is Julia.
- How do you do?

Oh, we can't thank you
enough for inviting us.

That's right, you're
a brave person.

[Julia] Well, I consider
Charlene's family coming to town

a major social occasion.

Well, listen, when
you ask us over,

it isn't a social occasion,
it's a commitment.

It's more than that,

it's a Barbara Mandrell
Christmas special.

Then, this is Suzanne.

[Ione] Suzanne,
it's nice to meet you.

You're the one who
calls us hillbillies, right?

Oh, well, I... Charlene.

Oh, it's okay.

Daddy likes being
called a hillbilly,

don't you, Daddy?

Well, I've been called worse.

So have I.

Oh, Mama, Daddy,
this is Anthony Bouvier.

He supervises
all our deliveries.

Pleased to meet
you, young fella.

Mama, I have to
go to the bathroom.

Now Harold Thomas,
we're not going to start that.

We have seen the
inside of every Stuckey's

between here and Poplar Bluff.

Oh, it's all right. Why
don't you come with me?

I'll show you where it is.

- Isn't he a doll?
- He's my baby.

We wouldn't have had so many,

but we didn't figure
out till the first six

what was causing it.

Daddy!

It's my fault.

I just love babies.

About the time I get one
up walking and talking,

- I want me another one.
- Mama.

Okay, everybody.

Just so you know, here we go.

These are my sisters,

Marlene, and
Harlene, and Darlene.

This is Darlene's husband Joe

and their kids Joe
Junior, Becky, and Don.

This is Harlene's
husband Dennis,

and their kids Mindy, and Danny,

and Jess, and Edward Lee.

And these are my brothers,

Frank, Dwayne, Odell,

Robert, Virgil, and Billy Hugh.

This is Frank's wife
Velma, who's expecting.

And this is Dwayne's wife
Emily, who's expecting,

and their kids Margaret
Ann and Dwayne Junior.

This is Robert's wife Cynthia,

and their kids Buford, and
Brenda, and Bobby Ray.

And I think you've
met Harold Thomas.

Hi.

Okay, well, I hate to
do this, but I got to run.

I've got to meet
Gaylon at the club

- and change my clothes.
- Bye, baby.

You get an encore,

you sing something your
mama and I can dance to.

Okay, Daddy. Bye.

- [all] Bye.
- See you later.

Anthony, there's a
red Ferrari out front,

and Wendell Mack is in it.

Did you do something
to his wife again?

No, I didn't do
anything to his wife.

That's probably why he's here.

Hey.

I thought the last
time I was here,

we understood each other.

And now, you go and
insult my wife again?

You're starting to make me mad.

Excuse me,

but are you just completely
uncouth, or what?

Can't you see we're having
a family reunion here?

These are my parents,
for crying out loud,

my brothers and sisters,
their wives and husbands,

and all their children.

And I don't think they drove

all the way down here
from Poplar Bluff, Missouri

just to look at your ugly face.

What? This is your family?

That's exactly right.

And these are my brothers.

I just call them Bubba.

They go crazy if
anybody tries to hurt me.

What is this, some kind of joke?

No, it's no joke.

My mama died when I was two,

and these good
people adopted me.

You don't believe me,
let me introduce you.

Wendell Mack, my parents,

Bud and Ione Frazier.

My sisters, Marlene,
Darlene, and Harlene.

Darlene's husband Joe,

their children Joe
Junior, Don, and Becky.

Harlene's husband Dennis,

and their children, Mindy,
Jess, Danny, and Edward Lee.

These are my brothers,
Frank, Dwayne, Robert,

Odell, Virgil, and Billy Hugh.

Frank's wife Velma,
who's expecting,

Dwayne's wife Emily,
who's expecting,

their children, Dwayne
Junior and Margaret Ann.

Robert's wife Cynthia,

and their children Buford,
Brenda, and Bobby Ray.

And, of course, our
baby, Harold Thomas.

Hi.

Now, if you would
care to join us

for a glass of punch,

we would be glad to have you.

That is, if it's okay
with Mom and Dad.

Well, that's up to you, son.

No.

[chuckling]

I didn't mean to
bust up the party.

I'll see myself out.

Right.

[Wendell] Whoa.

Whew.

Anthony, that was
very impressive.

I've skied Bandini Mountain

a few times, myself.

[Mary Jo] Charlene?

Where is everybody?

Everybody's gone.

The owner's in his office.

He just hap...
Happened to be here.

Well, what about the show?

There's not going
to be any show.

They're closed till the
spring for remodeling.

Well, what about Gaylon?

He never showed up.

Well, who's Gaylon?

He... He was supposed
to be my manager.

I have him several
thousand dollars

because I believed
he was sincere.

Oh, honey, you have
always trusted people.

When she was
little, she would invite

anyone who knocked
on our door in for supper.

We had more meals
with Jehovah's Witnesses,

Fuller Brush men,
and Avon ladies

than anyone in America.

Several thousand dollars?

I know, Daddy, it's stupid.

Julia's right,

I shouldn't be
allowed to date men,

drive cars, or be
around lightning.

Several thousand dollars?

Ione, I think I'm going to
need my heart medicine.

It's okay, Daddy, I've
learned my lesson.

I'll never trust anyone again.

Charlene.

Where have you been?

Where you think I've been?

Well, I don't know, Gaylon.

Knowing you, the moon.

[laughing]

The moon?

She's saying that because
I'm slated to go into space.

[Bud] You got that right.

Why don't you just
let me and the Bubbas

take him out back?

Uh, can we hang on a minute?

I believe this belongs to you.

What's this?

It's the rest of your money.

We spent $700.

You never intended for me

to sing anywhere, did you?

All those nights practicing,

all those stories about
me being a big star.

I believed in you.

I know, that's why I came back.

What?

I've been working on
this circuit a long time,

and you're the first person

who ever took me
completely on faith.

So I was driving out of town,

and I never felt
so bad in my life.

And suddenly,

I heard the voice of
Jimmy Swaggart in my ear.

He's a personal friend,

and he said, "Gaylon,

you have done a low,
and a terrible thing.

I beseech you to go now,

and return all the worldly goods

to one who has been so childlike

and believing of you."

Gaylon, that was wonderful.

Isn't he good?

You could be a preacher.

Charlene, you've got
to stop being this way.

Somebody's going to
take advantage of you.

I think somebody has.

Oh, now what's wrong?

I'm short $200!

I spent it, okay?

I didn't say I was perfect.

Oh, now, anyway,
if you want it back,

I can put you into
this great chain letter.

Most of them are hokey,

but this one is for
special people...

- Gaylon.
- Yeah?

Get out.

Right.

Uh, listen, I'm going to
have to close up, here.

Boy, you weren't kidding
about meeting some people.

Yeah, well, this is my family,

all of my family Excuse me.

How much would you charge

to open up this place tonight?

Well, we're not prepared.
The bar's locked up.

We're not interested
in the bar...

Just the stage.

Julia.

Well, I guess I could do that,

for the right price.

But all I got is soft drinks.

Wonderful. Put it on my tab.

♪ I can fly to Paris ♪

♪ Oh, that's at
my beck and call ♪

♪ Why do I go through life ♪

♪ With nothing at all? ♪

♪ But when I dream ♪

♪ I dream of you ♪

♪ Maybe someday ♪

♪ It will come true ♪

♪ But when I dream ♪

♪ I dream of you ♪

♪ Maybe someday ♪

♪ It will ♪

♪ Come true ♪

I love you, Mama.

[applause]

♪ When I dream ♪

♪ I dream of you ♪

♪ Maybe someday ♪

♪ It will come true ♪

♪ But when I dream ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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