Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 1, Episode 16 - Reese's Friend - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Julia, I just don't
understand why you always

have to make everybody
at the country club so mad.

What happened?

Oh, well, what happened is

we're having our annual
pre-spring ball this Saturday

to raise money for The
Children's Art Center.

Julia was absent
from the last meeting

and I forgot to tell her we
picked the theme of hobo heaven.

Hobo heaven?

Yeah.



We're all going to dress
up like poor people.

Is that not tasteless?

Well, I thought it was cute.

Yes, well that's to be expected

for a person who bought
a sun visor for a poodle.

Anyway, we don't
have to worry about it

because I got it voted down

and now we can
wear anything we want.

- We?
- You know, we.

I bought tickets for all of us.

After all, it's for
a good cause.

Julia, I can't go.

I don't have anybody to take.

I don't know if
we can go either.



I think J.D. has to work.

Oh, well that's okay.

Y'all can go with Hy
and me, if you want to.

Oh, no. We wouldn't
want to do that.

I mean, Hy is 85 years old.

He wouldn't want us along.

Oh, I don't know why not.

I mean, we're always
having to drag around

that blasted oxygen tank.

Hey there, everybody.

Sorry.

I would have been back
sooner but I had to pick up

a schedule of classes
from the junior college.

You know, the spring
term starts in four weeks

and I plan to be
on the old roll book.

I do wish you'd let me
help you with tuition.

Uh-uh, Julia. I told you,

I'm not taking any
extra money from you.

I told you I'm going
to get a second job.

Hey, you know,

I thought of a good job
you could get at night.

- Where?
- At the country club.

They're having all
those spring functions.

They always need waiters.

I'll bet you could
start next weekend.

Julia, Anthony doesn't
have any training as a waiter.

Uh, excuse me, Suzanne,

but for your information,

for six months, I
was the chief maître d'

at the Dunbar Correctional
Institute for Men.

They're not going to
count prison experience.

It's a big difference between
serving society people

and dishing out
slop for convicts.

Well, excuse me again, Suzanne,

but you are obviously
unaware of the rigorous training

I received under the tutelage
of Mr. T. Tommy Reed.

Well, I give. Who's
T. Tommy Reed?

T. Tommy was the meanest
dude on our cell block.

One day he checked a
book on table manners

out of the prison library.

The next day he stabbed a waiter

for serving him
from the wrong side.

You talk about a bunch of dudes

getting their "Ps"
and "Qs" together.

I mean, they were trading
in cigarette coupons

just to get a look at that book.

I used to personally fold
Mr. T. Tommy's napkin

in a tulip pattern.

So don't tell me about
waiting tables, Suzanne.

I can dish vichyssoise
with the best of 'em.

Okay, Anthony.

Let's go call and
get you an interview.

Well, all right.

Hi, all.

- Hi.
- Hi, Reese.

Well, hi, good-lookin'.

Hi yourself, you gorgeous thing.

Guess what?

I got a new dress to
wear for you tonight.

Oh, darlin'. I just
stopped by to tell you

that I can't have
dinner with you tonight.

I've got to ride
over to Marietta

and take a deposition.

I probably won't
get home until late.

Oh, well. Well, that's okay.

We can do it tomorrow.

Oh, boy. [chuckles]

I'm going to be working
late tomorrow night, too.

We're getting
ready for a lawsuit.

Reese?

I didn't realize
how late it was.

Don't you think we'd
better get going?

Oh, right. Everybody,
this is Shannon Gibbs.

- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

This young lady's a
new attorney in our firm.

Oh. Oh, congratulations.

- Nice to meet you.
- Thank you.

Well, we'd better get going.

Uh, darlin', I'll
call you, okay?

Okay. Okay,
well, I'll just wait.

- Talk to you then.
- All right.

Well, have fun!

Well, isn't that nice?

Reese has been so
overloaded with work,

I'm glad he's finally
found some help.

Help?

Julia, have you lost your mind?

That's not help, that's trouble

with a capital "T".

Suzanne, I don't think
Julia has to feel threatened

just because someone
Reese works with is

attractive.

Attractive?

I think you all been
cooped up in here too long.

Did you get a look at that body?

She has a butt you
could serve tea on.

Suzanne, I just don't
care to discuss it.

Anthony?

Did you think she
was that attractive?

No, I did not.

She looked to me
like her feet were big.

Before you go, I want
to ask you something.

What is this that
you wrote here?

"Two couch lamps."

I think that's supposed
to be "Coach lamps".

I think you must have
read the order wrong.

Well, that's because

she needs to upgrade
her reading glasses.

But she's too vain to admit it.

I most certainly am not.

There's nothing wrong
with my eyesight, Suzanne.

In fact, it's almost perfect.

Oh, it is not.

You can't even see small print.

Here, read this.

- What?
- Charlene's book.

Well, all right.

"Naked, Derrick
fell to his knees

and wept unashamedly."

"Slowly, he explored
her as their hips pulsated

in dull, throbbing sensation.

Hungry, he took
her again and again."

Well, I think I've
proven my point.

It's amazing.

You can't read order forms,
but you can read trash.

Where does she get this stuff?

She belongs to the
Paperback of the Month Club.

They only feature people
who are throbbing and naked.

You are just never
going to believe

what my psychic just told me!

- What?
- We're sitting there

and we're going through
all the usual stuff like,

somebody with the initial
"B" is wishing me well.

I'm not getting enough iron,

and I'm going to have
trouble with my teeth in the fall.

Charlene, is this
going somewhere?

Yes. Wait, wait, wait.

Then, all of a sudden
she goes, "Tell me,

are you going to some
sort of private club

this Saturday night?"

And I go, "That's incredible."

Then she goes,

"I don't know how
to tell you this,

but you're going to meet
the father of your children."

Can you believe that?

How are you supposed
to know who he is?

It's going to be somebody
asks me to dance,

and I'll know it
when it happens.

Well, hello, ladies.

[all] Hi, Reese.

[Reese] Julia, I...

I know you're in a
rush, but I'm ready.

Darlin', something came up.

I'm sorry. I have to
take another deposition.

You know,

this story is starting
to need a little work.

You can come
with us, if you like.

- Us?
- Yeah.

- Shannon's helping me.
- No, thank you.

I think one
babysitter for this girl

is quite enough.

Now, now, come
on, y'all, don't fight.

This is not a fight,

it's just a misunderstanding.

All I did was break a date.

Six. Six dates in a row.

I may need new
glasses, but I am not blind.

You've been running around
with your tongue hanging out

after somebody half your age

and insulting me with
these ridiculous excuses.

The next thing I know,

you'll be saying
she's your niece.

She is not my niece,

she's an attorney
in my law firm.

Come on, you two, don't fight.

This is not a fight, it's
a misunderstanding.

And I don't understand
what you're so upset about.

After all, I'm still
taking you to the dance.

- Oh, no, you're not.
- Huh?

I wouldn't go to that
dance with you now

if you got down on
your hands and knees

and crawled across Georgia.

Well, then, I guess
we're not going

because there's not much
chance of me doing that.

You know what I'm going
to do now, Reese Watson?

I'm going to go up those stairs,

and when I come down,
you'd better be gone,

or I'm going to call the police

and have you
arrested for trespassing.

You know, Julia,

sometimes you just
need be taken out

and actually horsewhipped.

You're not the man
that's going to do it.

Now get out, and stay out!

[sighing]

[door slams]

What's the matter?

Haven't you ever seen a
misunderstanding before?

Okay.

I've got it narrowed
down to three dresses.

Just keep in mind,
whichever one I pick

is going to be the first
thing my future husband

ever sees me in.

So this is probably the most
important dress of my life.

Now Julia, I want
your opinion, too.

I like all of them.

I haven't shown
them to you, yet.

Oh. I'm sorry, Charlene.

I don't know where my mind is.

I guess I must be
getting old, and blind,

and senile.

You are not senile,
you're just depressed.

I want you to go over
to that phone right now,

and call Reese.

Mary Jo, I've told
you, I'm not depressed.

I have never been happier.

You all are never going
to believe what I just heard.

Reese Watson is
taking that Shannon

to the country club dance.

Well, I've probably
been a little happier.

♪♪ [big band]

Well, I just cannot
believe the nerve of Hy

getting sick on
a night like this.

He's known about
this for six weeks.

If he needed to have
open-heart surgery,

he could have had it done then.

Oh, leave the
poor old guy alone.

For heaven's sake,

at least he sent his car for us.

Shh, Mary Jo.

You never should have
had those drinks in the limo.

They shouldn't put
them in those little cans.

I thought it was
grapefruit juice.

Can you see your future
husband anywhere?

Oh, I like that guy.

It figures. He
works in the kitchen.

Okay, I got all
the coats checked.

Suzanne's was so big,

I think the had to
store it in a meat locker.

Is my date funny, or what?

Oh, no, wait.

Now, y'all, there's some
very important people

at this table here tonight.

Now, don't do anything uncouth.

Like what?

Well, she means, like, you know,

picking our noses,

drinking out of
the finger bowls,

passing out.

Hello, everyone.

I'd like y'all to meet

some friends of
Julia's and mine.

This is Mary Jo Shively,
J. D. Shackelford,

- and Charlene Frazier.
- How do you do?

- Oh. This is it.
- What?

That man coming towards me.
He's gonna ask me to dance.

He's coming closer.
Mary Jo, this is it.

This is the father
of my children.

He went on by.

Oh, my word.

[Mary Jo whispering]
Would you look at that?

Yoohoo, Julia.

Okay, now.

Everybody, let's not make
a big deal out of this, okay?

Would you stop
telling us how to act?

Is it loud in here, or what?

Mary Jo.

Well, hello, everybody.

- Hi, Julia.
- Hi.

This is an old friend of mine.

Harrison Wright.

My goodness, you seem
to have filled up the table.

I hope there's going
to be room for us.

No problem.

- Where'd you get him?
- Never you mind.

I just decided two
can play this game.

Here.

I stole one of those.

Now I'll get one of the waiters

to bring around a high chair.

Better get one
for your date, too.

Well, I hope we
haven't missed anything.

Nah. We thought some man

was going to father
Charlene's children,

but he was just
going to the bathroom.

You know, all of a sudden,

I have this incredible
urge to dance.

Would you mind?

My pleasure.

Actually, I feel like a
little Rumba, myself.

Harrison?

Okay.

Just so you know,
dancing is extra.

Thank you, Harrison.

[J.D.] Hey, Anthony,
how's it going?

It's going okay.

I'll tell you one thing, though.

These society types

are a lot more trouble
than the brothers.

I mean, these
people are helpless.

And the whining...

"Light my Bic. Flick my ash.

Swizzle my stick." Pssh.

Hang in there, buddy.

You know, Julia,

I've seen you do some
pretty dumb things,

but this has got to
be at the top of the list.

Jealous?

Of what? A paid escort?

[Reese laughing]

Well, I admit, maybe I
was trying to prove a point.

But now, I'm finding
myself strangely attracted.

Get serious.

[laughing]

Oh, I see.

Perfectly acceptable for you,

but unacceptable for me, right?

You know, I was going
to call you earlier tonight

and, just as a friend,
suggest that you not wear

those old boxer shorts of yours.

Young girls find
them very unsexy.

Yeah, well, I'm not
wearing my old boxer shorts,

if it's any of your business.

You're not?

No, I got some new underwear.

You did?

That's right.

And it's good-looking, too.

I see.

Well, thank you for the dance.

That's my line.

Right.

- [applause]
- [Man] Thank you.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're going to take a break
for a couple of minutes,

and we'll be right back.

Well, it's all over.

He's in love with her.

How do you know?

He... bought new underwear.

You know, Reese,
this is a magical night.

I'm having a very nice time.

Well, I've noticed. [chuckling]

Oh?

Have you also noticed

I'd like to go to bed with you?

No, I hadn't noticed that.

Well, then,

let me state my case, counselor.

Bed is something
else I do very well.

I haven't wanted anyone
as much as I want you

in a long time.

In fact, all day long,

while you were talking
about implied negligence,

I was thinking about
exploding in each other's arms.

I promise, I'll make
it as fulfilling for you

as it is for me.

Oh, and, of course, it
need not interfere with work.

Now, what's the verdict?

Well, I... [clearing throat]

My throat is very dry.

I, uh, I'm just going
over to the bar, here.

Ahem, will you excuse me?

I'll have a bourbon.

Can you believe it?

There are probably 60
millionaires in this room,

even as we speak.

Look who she's dancing with?

The guy from the kitchen.

I give up. She's hopeless.

Reese, old buddy,

I thought you knew
she was after you.

Everybody at the office knows.

They do?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, I must have
my head in the sand.

This thing has taken me
completely by surprise.

So what's the problem?

Well, you know, Julia.

Yeah, I know Julia.

But you're not
with Julia anymore.

Yeah, but you know how
that sort of thing goes.

All I know is, you've
got a beautiful young girl

panting at your feet.

Now usually, I say you don't
mix business with pleasure.

But I think this
girl could handle it.

Heck, she even patted me
on the butt a couple of times.

She did?

Mmm-hmm.

I don't know, Burton.

These new women are not
like the women we grew up with.

She's talking about explosions.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So what's your problem?

Well, I'm not sure I'm
packing that much dynamite.

I asked you to
come in here with me

because I respect you.

I can tell we're both

strong-minded,
feminist-oriented women

who can be honest
with each other.

I just hate it when women

get into cat fights
over men, don't you?

What's your point?

My point is,

you don't have to
feel threatened by me.

I'm not going to marry Reese

or take him away from you.

I just want to have

a relationship
with him for a while.

Now if you can
handle that, I promise,

there will be no subterfuge

or deceitfulness on my part.

Can we be friends?

You know, Miss Gibbs,

growing up in the
rural part of Georgia,

I've been around
compost all my life.

I've seen it loaded onto wagons,

and tilled and hoed,

and spread across
fields far and wide.

But, until today, I must say,

I've never seen it tied
up and gift-wrapped

in quite so neat and tidy,

and pretty a package.

Congratulations,
you're a very clever girl.

But it's still compost.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I leave you to dig your way out.

You do know how
to dig, don't you?

You just get down on
your hands and knees,

and shovel.

Around the office, we call her

The Terminator.

Uh, Shannon?

There you are.

I hope you've been
thinking about my offer.

Hey, I'm enormously flattered.

That's nice, but not
completely satisfying.

Well, you see, uh,
I'm sort of committed.

Oh, Reese, don't
get the wrong idea.

I don't have indiscriminate
sex with people.

I'm very selective.

And I don't need a commitment.

Well, you see, I kind of do.

I'm one of these
strange, leftover guys.

The glacier melted down,

I stepped out, and here I am.

You are darling, you know that?

Well, I suppose it could
grow into a commitment.

No, no, it couldn't.

I'm committed to someone else.

But I thought you
and Julia weren't...

Oh, well,

this sort of thing
goes on all the time.

With us, it's never over,

not even when
the fat lady sings.

That's a commitment.

I guess this is the
part where I say,

she's very lucky.

Well, you're very sweet.

I like Julia a lot.

I think we could've
been friends.

You still can.

Let me give her your number.

No, no, no. That's okay.

I think she's got it.

I don't know why I
bother to get so upset.

I mean, they just
thrive on this stuff.

In fact, everyone in this group

is completely unreformable.

I just wash my
hands of all of it.

Except for Harrison.

You know, Julia,

I probably shouldn't
tell you this,

but I'm amazed that you
were worried about her.

Well, she's
beautiful, and bright,

and young.

Yeah, well, I've been looking
around this room tonight

at all the beautiful,
bright young women.

You know what?

They haven't got a thing on you.

[snorts]

Reese Watson,
you're just saying that.

No, it's true.

You danced by
me about that time,

and I just got one glimpse
of the back of your legs,

and I just thought to myself,

"Boy, that's for me."

Sometimes, I don't
know what I did

before I met you.

You forgive me
for being so silly?

Always do.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's just stand here and
kiss on the dance floor,

until they throw us out.

Reese?

Yeah.

You didn't actually

buy new underwear, did you?

I'm sorry, that's personal.

Of course,

there is one way to find out.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA