Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 2, Episode 7 - Tiff of the Titans - full transcript

Fenton Crackshell, alias the crime-fighting Gizmoduck, heads to St. Canard in pursuit of Steelbeak. The F.O.W.L. agent soon finds out and frames Darkwing so Gizmoduck will think he's evil.

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

HALT! RESTRICTED AREA.

SPECIAL DELIVERY.

WHAT KIND
OF SPECIAL--

THERE'S THE EGRET,
ALL GIFT-WRAPPED.

SORRY, EVILDOERS.

YOUR ONLY GIFT
IS THE BOOBY PRIZE.

GIZMODUCK!

DEFENDER OF
THE DOWNTRODDEN,

GUARDIAN
OF THE GOOD.

GIZMODUCK!

HUH?

MENACE, ANYONE?

YIKES!

IT'S A TRAP!

SURRENDER,
F.O.W.L. FIENDS.

YOU CANNOT ESCAPE
FROM GIZMODUCK.

UH, OF COURSE,
I COULD BE WRONG.

WHOA!

WHOA, I SAY!

DOWN! YII!

OW! OW! WHOA! OW!

PHEW!

WONDER WHERE I AM?

AHA!

"ARMY MINE FIELD."

UH-OH.

BOY, THAT'S
GOTTA LEAVE A MARK.

F.O.W.L. EGG MEN, EH?

AT LEAST
THEY DIDN'T
GET THE EGRET.

"EGRET?" AS IN
SMALL, FAT BIRD
WITH A THIN BEAK?

NO. E.G.R.E.T., AS IN
EXPERIMENT GENERAL
RETALIATORY TRANSPORT.

OUR DEADLIEST WEAPON.

IT WORKS ON LAND, ON
THE SEA, OR IN THE AIR.

WHO DOESN'T?

WELL, IN THREE DAYS,

WE'RE PRESENTING IT

AT THE ST. CANARD
AIR SHOW.

IT'S UP TO ME TO FOIL
F.O.W.L.'s OFFENSES.

YOU SAID ST. CANARD?

HOME OF DARKWING DUCK.

YOU'VE WORKED TOGETHER?

ME, WORK
WITH THAT BUFFOON?

NOBODY KNOWS IF HE'S
A HERO OR A HOOD.

SOUNDS LIKE A POSSIBLE
SECURITY RISK.

I'LL HANDLE HIM AND
THE EGG MEN IF NEEDS BE.

NOW, IT'S HI-YO, GIZMO,
AWAAAAY!

ST. CANARD, EH?

IT'S TIME FOR ME,
GIZMODUCK,

OR RATHER ME, WHOOPS,
FENTON CRACKSHELL,

TO DROP IN
ON LAUNCHPAD McQUACK!

SOMEBODY
CALL MY NAME?

I DID.
NOW KEEP QUIET.

WE FOUND
STEELBEAK'S HIDEOUT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

DETAILED
FORENSIC ANALYSIS,

DEFT DEDUCTIVE
REASONING, AND...

I FOUND HIS
DRY-CLEANING BILL.

STAY HERE.
I'M GOING IN.

ISN'T THAT DANGEROUS?

YEP.

FELLAS! ALL I ASKED
WAS TO STEAL ME

ONE TEENY SUPERWEAPON.

BUT STEELBEAK,
WE DIDN'T EXPECT
TO RUN INTO GIZMODUCK.

THERE'S ONE THING
I HATE--IT'S EXCUSES.

MAKE THAT
TWO THINGS I HATE--

EXCUSES AND A 7-10 SPLIT.

O.K. NOW THAT'S
THREE THINGS!

TSK! TSK! STEELBEAK.

A BOWLING ALLEY
FOR A HIDEOUT?

HOW DECLASSE.

I PREFER A POLO FIELD,

BUT EVEN F.O.W.L.'s
ON A BUDGET.

THINK FAST!

EVERYBODY
DOWN THE MANHOLE!

WHAT MANHOLE?

MY DRY CLEANER'S
GONNA LOVE THIS.

D.W.? HEY!

[MUMBLING]

WELL, TIME
TO HIT THE ROAD.

[LAUNCHPAD]
GEE. SORRY ABOUT
THE BEAK, D.W.

[DARKWING]
LET'S RIDE.

STEELBEAK COULDN'T
HAVE GONE FAR.

FIRST, GOODY-TWO-SHOES
GIZMODUCK K.O.'s
THE E.G.R.E.T. HEIST,

THEN DARKWING DUCK
FINDS OUR HIDEOUT.

MAN,
WHATTA HEADACHE!

GIZMODUCK WILL BE IN TOWN
GUARDING THE E.G.R.E.T.

SO?

WHAT IF HE THINKS
DARKWING DUCK

IS JUST ANOTHER
CROOK WITH A MASK?

AM I CLEVER?

NOW, MUSH! MOVE IT!

HI, JUNIPER.
IT'S ME!

PELICAN! PUT DOWN
THAT MACHETE!

[SCREAMS]

WE'LL RETURN TO NIGHTMARE
ON PELICAN'S ISLAND.

[ALARM]

UH-OH. PARENT ALERT!

LAUNCHPAD,
STEELBEAK'S UP
TO SOMETHING BIG!

OH. HELLO, GOSALYN.
HONKER.

DAD, WHERE YOU
BEEN ALL DAY?

SCOURING THE CITY

FOR THAT SLIPPERY
SCUM STEELBEAK.

I TAKE IT THINGS
DIDN'T GO WELL.

I SAID THE BEST THING
IS TAKE A BREAK.

I SAID WE CAN'T
RELAX FOR A SECOND.

TO FIND STEELBEAK,
WE MUST NOT REST.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

LAUNCHPAD!

FENTON!

THIS IS MY OLD PAL
FROM DUCKBURG,
FENTON CRACKSHELL.

HI.

FENTON,
DRAKE MALLARD.

HOW YA DOIN',
DRAKE-AROONI!

NICE DIGS.
IT'S NO McDUCK MANOR,
BUT IT'S COZY.

FENTON AND I
WORKED FOR THE SAME GUY.

TO WHAT DO WE OWE
THE PLEASURE OF YOUR VISIT?

I'M IN TOWN ON BUSINESS.

YOU MIGHT SAY
IT'S FOR THE GOVERNMENT.

IS THERE A BREEZE?

SO, FENTON,
WHERE YOU STAYIN'?

I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
MUCH ABOUT IT.

I'LL FIND A HOTEL.

THERE'S A BIG
AIR SHOW IN TOWN.

WITHOUT RESERVATIONS,
YOU'RE OUTTA LUCK.

GEE, REALLY?

IF YOU SEARCH AROUND--

I GOT AN IDEA.
WHY NOT STAY HERE?

REALLY?

'SCUSE US.

DOESN'T THE PHRASE
"SECRET IDENTITY"
RING A BELL?

EXACTLY WHAT
ARE YOU SAYING?

GET RID OF HIM!

UH, LISTEN, FENTON,

OLD PAL, I, UH...

THIS IS WHERE PELICAN
DICES UP THE FAT GUY.

DIDN'T I TELL YOU

I HATE BEING
CALLED "LITTLE BUDDY?"

HATE IT!

TURN THAT DOWN!

IS THAT MY ROBE
YOU'RE WEARING?

DON'T WORRY. IT'S CLEAN.

CARE FOR
A CARAMEL YUMMY-LUMP?

FENTON, ABOUT YOU
STAYING HERE,

SEE, THE TROUBLE IS...

WELL, DRAKE,
THAT IS, I, UH...

LOOK AT THAT!

THE ST. CANARD CINEMA,

HOME TO MANY
A FILMED FANTASY,

IS THE SCENE
OF A CALAMITY!

A MADMAN HAS THREATENED
TO BLOW IT UP!

THIS LOOKS
LIKE A JOB FOR--

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NOTHING.
OH, GOOD. NEVER MIND.

I JUST REMEMBERED
A DENTAL APPOINTMENT!

I BETTER FLOSS.

THIS LOOKS LIKE--

IF YOU ORDER PIZZA,
HOLD THE ANCHOVIES!

A JOB FOR
DARKWING DUCK.

TIME FOR
MY CODE WORDS--

BLATHERING BLATHERSKITE!

O.K. THIS IS YOUR MOMENT
IN THE SPOTLIGHT.

OH!

LOOK! HE'S GOT A BOMB!

DARKWING DUCK!
DARKWING DUCK!

THAT CREEP!
LOUSE!

I'M THE STINK BUG THAT
SMEARS YOUR WINDSHIELD.

I'M THE COTTON SWAB

THAT STICKS
IN YOUR EAR.

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

GROVEL, YOU GUTLESS GEEKS!

THOSE IMPOSTORS
ARE RUINING MY IMAGE.

I'D NEVER WEAR A CAPE
THAT WRINKLED!

GIVE ME WHAT I WANT,

OR I'LL BLOW
THIS BLOCK TO SMITHEREENS.

HAND OVER THAT BOMB!

YOU GOT IT!

YAY!
YAY!
YAY!

IT'S GIZMODUCK!

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME!

WE'LL LEAVE THESE DUCKS
TO DESTROY EACH OTHER.

SORRY, BUT I DIDN'T
HAVE EXACT CHANGE
FOR THE TOLL BOOTH.

SO, DARKWING DUCK'S
MERELY A COMMON
CRIMINAL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU BELONG IN DUCKBURG!

YOU BELONG IN JAIL!

JAIL? OH, OH. RIGHT.

I KNOW THIS LOOKS BAD,

BUT, SEE, I WAS SET UP.

THEN HOW COME
YOU'RE WEARING A MASK?

LET'S NOT GET
PERSONAL, HELMET HEAD.

ENOUGH REPARTEE!
GIVE ME THAT.

I'M THIS TOWN'S HERO.

I'LL GET RID
OF THE BOMB.

I WILL!
I WILL!

GIVE ME THAT.
NO WAY!

[RING]

GEE! THAT DOESN'T
SOUND GOOD.

WHAT A MASTER
OF DEDUCTION!

I'VE GOT TO GET
RID OF THIS THING.

OH, I'LL DO IT!

YOU WILL NOT!

GIVE ME THAT!

WELL, THAT
WORKED OUT NICELY.

YEOW!
YEOW!

NOW NOTHING'S
GONNA STOP ME

FROM STEALING
THE E.G.R.E.T.

HOW DOES THIS END?

THEY SHOOT THE DOG.

DID I SPOIL IT FOR YOU?

LET GO OF MY WHEEL.

QUIT JIGGLING
BEFORE SOMETHING...

BREAKS.

LUCKY THE FLOOR
BROKE MY FALL.

NOW AS FOR YOU, YOU--

YOO-HOO!

COULD I HAVE CRUSHED
THAT MERCURIAL MALCONTENT?

FREEZE,
YOU FELONIOUS FRAUD!

I'VE GOT TO SAVE
MY REPUTATION!

TOODLES.

I WON'T TAKE THIS
LYING DOWN.

OR STANDING UP, EITHER.

THE CITY GOES WILD

OVER THE DO-GOODER
FROM DUCKBURG.

CITIZENS OF ST. CANARD,

YOU'VE MADE ME FEEL
SO WELCOME

WITH ALL THE PARADES,
AWARDS, AND CHEERLEADERS.

ESPECIALLY
THE CHEERLEADERS.

HEY!
DAD!

WHAT HAPPENED?

IF I WANT CLOWNS,
I'LL WATCH CONGRESS.

BUT GIZMODUCK'S COOL!

HE'S GOT
REAL SUPERPOWERS.

HE SEEMS TO BE SUCH
A POLISHED PROFESSIONAL.

POLISHED PROFESSIONAL?
PUL-LEEZE!

WHAT IS HE WITHOUT
HIS WIND-UP SUIT?

A NAKED GUY
WITH GOOSE BUMPS?

ANYONE FOR MORE
PRUNE ICE CREAM?

MAYBE YOU AND
GIZMODUCK SHOULD
BE FRIENDS, D.W.

"YOU SHOULD
BE FRIENDS, D.W."

I HAVE
AS MUCH PATIENCE

WITH THAT HAM IN A CAN

AS I DO WITH FENTON.

WHILE GIZMODUCK'S
PLAYING HERO,

I'M GOING TO BE ONE.

COULDN'T DECIDE
BETWEEN PISTACHIO AND--

SAY, WHERE'S DRAKE-AROONI!

HE WENT OUT FOR A SPIN!

SUNRISE. THE SOLITARY SLEUTH
SCANS THE SCENE FOR CLUES.

WHO NEEDS SUPERPOWERS WHEN
YOU'VE GOT A SUPERMIND?

[SNIFFING]

NOT TO MENTION
A SUPERSENSITIVE BEAK.

[SNIFF]

ENGLISH FEATHER. HMM.

AS IF STEELBEAK COULD COVER
HIS F.O.W.L. TRAIL

WITH EXPENSIVE COLOGNE.

HMM.
THE AIR SHOW.

BUT WHAT WOULD STEELBEAK
WANT THERE?

I'LL HAVE TO
FIND OUT FOR MY--

OOH! AHH!

NOW WHAT?

FUNNY. I DIDN'T KNOW
TURKEYS COULD FLY.

OOH, I HATE THAT GUY.

WAAH!

I MEAN,
I REALLY HATE THAT GUY.

BEAUTIFUL!
I'M TALKING GORGEOUS!

I'M TELLING YOU, THIS BABY'S
DANGEROUSLY CUTE.

WHY DIDN'T F.O.W.L.
INVENT IT FIRST?

[RUSTLING]

TAKE A LOOK.
COULD BE TROUBLE.

AIN'T NOBODY OUT--
OOH! MMPH!

I THOUGHT
DARKWING DOPE

WOULD TAKE CARE
OF CHROME DOME.

ATTENTION, F.O.W.L. AGENTS!

COME OUT WITH HANDS UP,

OR I, GIZMODUCK,
WILL SOUNDLY THRASH YOU!

UH, YEAH, RIGHT.

UH-OH. MORE
F.O.W.L. STOOGES.

HMM. THE FUN'S
ALREADY BEGUN.

THE E.G.R.E.T.! THE NEW
SUPERSECRET WEAPON.

WORKS ON LAND,
SEA, AND AIR.

YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT.

DON'T MOVE
A FEATHER,
YOU FELON!

OH, SWELL.
THE COMEDY RELIEF'S HERE.

CAPITULATE, OR I'LL BE
FORCED TO THRASH YOU.

PUT IT IN PARK,
RUSTBUCKET.

I'M STOPPING A CRIME.

YOU MEAN COMMITTING ONE.

YOU'RE ON MY TURF.

LEAVE THIS
TO A PROFESSIONAL.

PROFESSIONAL WHAT?
YOU DRESS LIKE A
CIRCUS RINGMASTER!

GREAT! I'M BEING INSULTED
BY A TALKING GROCERY CART.

YOU'RE OUT OF LINE.
DON'T CROSS IT.

LINE? WHAT LINE?

ARE THEY TRYING TO
TALK EACH OTHER TO DEATH?

DRAT YOU,
DARKWING DUCK!

THAT REALLY STEAMS
MY CIRCUITS!

EN GARDE!

EEE-YA-HOY!

YIII!

NOT SO FAST,
TWINKLE-TOES!

OOH!

WHY I OUGHTTA...!
TAKE THIS!

PITIFUL. WHAT IS THIS--
A PATTYCAKE PLAYOFF?

BUT IT KEEPS THEM
OUT OF MY WAY.

O.K., YOU.
YA HAD ENOUGH?

I'M JUST GETTIN'..

WARMED UP.

[STEELBEAK] HEY,
VERY NICE. I MEAN THAT.

LET'S GIVE OUR
CELEBRITY DANCERS A HAND.

NOT MUCH STYLE,
BUT, HEY, THEY TRIED.

THAT'S STEELBEAK!
HE'S STEALING
THE E.G.R.E.T.!

WELL, WELCOME
TO THE PROGRAM.

AND NOW FOR SOME
LOVELY PARTING GIFTS.

THANKS
FOR THE FLOOR SHOW,

BUT FRANKLY,
YOUR ACT'S A REAL BOMB.

THE SUPERWEAPON
JUST LAID AN EGG.

THAT'S A YOLK BOMB--

IMMOBILIZES
WHOLE PLATOONS IN
ASPHYXIATING OOZE.

OH.

SORRY, GUYS, BUT--YOU
SHOULD EXCUSE THE EXPRESSION--

THEYOLK'S ON YOU!

HOW EMBARRASSING.

WE'RE GOING TO BE...

SOUFFLED TO DEATH.

I CAN'T REACH
MY CONTROLS.

THINK OF SOMETHING.

YOU'VE GOT A PROPELLER
IN THAT SUIT, RIGHT?

THERE'S NO ROOM TO FLY!

JUST TELL ME
WHICH BUTTON TO PUSH.

THE BLUE ONE, BUT--
WAAH!

WHOA-OH-OH-OH!

MY PROPELLER TURNED
THAT PHONY EGG YOLK
INTO MERINGUE.

PTUIE!

YEAH. THERE GOES
MY CHOLESTEROL
COUNT.

I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU.

AND I'M HERO ENOUGH
TO ADMIT IT.

THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

I STILL THINK
YOUR CRIME-FIGHTING
STYLE'S DISREPUTABLE

AND POSSIBLY DEVIANT.

FROM YOU,
THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

AFTER STEELBEAK!

I'LL FOLLOW YOU.

NOT ON THAT FLAT.

NO, WAIT.
YOU'RE TOO...

HEAVY!

OOPSIE.
HAVE YOU GOT A SPARE?

A BIT LARGE, BUT--

HURRY. AND LEAVE
STEELBEAK TO ME.
I HAVE A PLAN.

WELL, I'VE GOT
A BETTER ONE.

YES, I DO.

ME FIRST!

OOH!
AAH!
AAH!

MAN, OH, MAN.

F.O.W.L. HIGH COMMAND'S
GONNA LOVE THIS BABY.

OH, DON'T THOSE TWO
EVER GIVE UP?

HMM.
LET ME SEE HERE.

MAYBE I CAN KILL TWO BIRDS
WITH ONE STONE.

INCOMING!
JUMP!

GIZMODUCK, ARE YOU
HURT REALLY BADLY?

UNH! WHEN I WANT
TO SEE THE WORLD,

I'LL WATCH A TRAVELOGUE.

HEY, WHAT THE--
ABANDON LEGS!

LET'S GET HIM!
LET'S GET HIM!

WHOA! HOPE THIS HEAP
HAS A WARRANTY!

WE'LL NEED WINGS
TO CATCH HIM!

NO, WE'LL TAKE
THE EXPRESS ROUTE.

ALL RIGHT!

LET'S GET DANGER...

OUS.

I'LL TAKE THE PLANE.
YOU GET STEELBEAK.

EXACTLY WHAT I
WAS THINKING.

SURPRISE, SUCKER!

THIS TIME
YOU BIT OFF MORE
THAN YOU CAN CHEW.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE
GETTING ENOUGH FIBER.

WHOA!
YEOW!

HMM. LOOKS
MIGHTY COMPLICATED.

WONDER WHICH WIRE
I SHOULD PULL.

EENY-MEENY-MINEY-MO!

WHOA!

YIKE! WHOA! WOW!

OOOHH!

SO, BEALSTEEK--
YOU HAD ENOUGH?

TIME TO LASSO
THIS LITTLE BRONCO!

OHH!

AHA! WELL DONE,
DARKWING DUCK!

IN AN AMAZING
TURN OF EVENTS,

THE ARMY'S
NEWEST SUPERWEAPON

WAS SAVED
FROM SUPERSPY STEELBEAK

BY SUPERHERO GIZMODUCK

AND OUR OWN
SUPERMYSTERY...

DARKWING DUCK.

DARKWING'S REPUTATION
IS SAFE. STEELBEAK'S
IN THE SLAMMER.

THE E.G.R.E.T.'s
IN THE SHOP.

YOU AND GIZMODUCK
MADE A GREAT TEAM.

I HAD TO TEACH OL' GIZ
A THING OR TWO,

BUT HE'S NOT SO BAD.

OKEY-DOKEY.
ALL PACKED AND READY TO GO.

SORRY YOU CAN'T
STAY LONGER.

ON THE OTHER HAND,
ALL GOOD THINGS
COME TO AN END.

SO LONG, HONK.
BYE-BYE, GOSSY.

SEE YA, LAUNCHPAD.
AND ADIOS, DRAKE-AROONI.

UH, FENTONINO,
DON'T CALL ME THAT.

LOOKS LIKE GIZMODUCK
SAVED THE DAY AGAIN,

DON'T IT?

GIZMODUCK! I HEARD
DARKWING DUCK
CRACKED THIS CASE.

DARKWING DUCK WAS LUCKY
GIZMODUCK LET HIM TAG ALONG.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

MORE THAN YOU, BUSTER!

DO NOT!
DO, TOO!

OH, YEAH?
OH, YEAH?