Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 2, Episode 6 - Something Fishy - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT OF
THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE SOME
VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE
OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH
OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

NO PLACE QUITE LIKE
THE BEACH, EH, GOS?

I'LL SAY. THE ONLY PLACE
THAT HASN'T BEEN PAVED.

AH, THE SMELL OF THE SEA,

THE WIND IN YOUR HAIR,

THE-- WHOOO-WAA-OOOH!

THE DANGEROUS
HALF-BURIED DEBRIS.

WHOA! STEEL-BELTED--

NOW THERE'S A KEEPER.

OOOH!

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO
THE BEACH, DAD?

THERE'S SO MUCH JUNK,

I CAN'T EVEN
FIND THE SAND.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
TRASH LIKE THIS?

NOT SINCE THE LAST TIME
I WAS IN YOUR ROOM.

HEY, MY ROOM IS
ORGANIZED CHAOS,

BUT THIS IS SERIOUS
ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION.

GOSALYN, I THINK
YOU'RE OVERREACTING.

WHO'S OVERREACTING?!

THIS PLACE IS DISGUSTING.

IT'S A BLIGHT ON THE
FACE OF THE PLANET
EARTH!

NOW, NOW, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE LITTER.

A LITTLE LITTER?!

AND THE GRAND CANYON IS
JUST A LITTLE DITCH!

AND THE NORTH POLE IS
JUST A LITTLE CHILLY

AND NAPOLEON WAS JUST A
LITTLE DICTATOR!

YES, DEAR. HE WAS.

AND I THINK YOU'RE BLOWING
THIS OUT OF PROPORTION.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA LAY
AROUND DOING NOTHING.

I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING.

THAT'S NICE, SWEETHEART.

JUST DON'T MAIM ANYONE.

GOSALYN MALLARD,
GIRL OF ACTION,

PATROLS THE BEACH, DETERMINED TO
CATCH ANY POLLUTERS

AND MAKE THEM PAY.

LITTERBUG! THREE O'CLOCK.

GOSALYN, NO!

CODE RED! TRASH
MONGERS, 300 YARDS.

GOSALYN!

NOW WHY DID YOU DO A THING
LIKE THAT TO ME, HUH?

JUST A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

NO HARD FEELINGS,
HUH, PAL?

YOU NEED TO LEARN
SOME MANNERS.

NOW, D.W., IF YOU WANT TO
GET BURIED IN THE SAND,

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T
DO IT HEAD FIRST.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR
THE HELPFUL HINT.

NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE!

SORRY, DAD, BUT YOU CAN'T USE
KID GLOVES ON THESE POLLUTERS.

YOU GOTTA FIGHT
TO DRAW BLOOD.

YES. BUT DOES IT
HAVE TO BE MY BLOOD?

THERE ARE ALREADY
VERY GOOD LAWS
AGAINST POLLUTION.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE
ANY NEW-- OOOH!

...ONES.

ALRIGHT, BUB. I SAID I WAS--

SORRY.

WHOA! NOT YOUR TYPICAL
CRUSTACEAN BEHAVIOR PATTERN.

WHAT'S MAKING THOSE
CRABS SO CRABBY?

I DON'T-- OOOOH! ...KNOW.

BUT I'M GOING TO FIND OUT.

SO YOU'RE THE SINISTER
FORCE BEHIND ALL THIS.

IF YOU DON'T CALL
OFF YOUR THUGS

I'M GONNA USE YOU
FOR A CRAB CASSEROLE.

OOH! OOOH! OOH!

LOOKS LIKE MORE THAN THE CRABS
HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

THE ODIOUS OCTOPUS
IS BEHIND IT ALL.

THIS IS A JOB FOR...

DARKWING DUCK!

I AM THE TERROR THAT
FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE SMOKE THAT
SMOKES SMOKED OYSTERS.

ALL RIGHT, YOU
SLITHERING SEA SERPENT,

STOP THIS RAMPAGE
IMMEDIATELY!

OR FACE THE WRATH OF--

DARKWING DUCK!

I HATE IT WHEN SOMEBODY
STEPS ON MY LINES.

I HAVE YOU NOW.

AH, SOMETHING'S NOT
QUITE RIGHT HERE.

AACH-AACH-AACHOO!

I SET MY GAS
GUN FOR SMOG.

NEXT TIME I GET A DAY OFF

WE'RE SPENDING
IT IN A LIBRARY.

[ SHELL HORN BLOWS ]

DID I REALLY SEE WHAT I
JUST SAW IN THE SEA?

I BELIEVE I'LL CONTINUE
THIS INVESTIGATION BACK
AT HEADQUARTERS.

WITH MY STATE-OF-THE-ART,
HI-TECH, AND VERY PRICEY

CRIME-FIGHTING EQUIPMENT.

I'LL SOLVE THIS
MYSTERY IN NO TIME.

I'VE CHECKED AND DOUBLE CHECKED
EVERY VILLAIN ON FILE.

I'VE SCRUTINIZED EVERY
CROOK WHO EVER STOLE FISH,

ATE FISH, OR JUST PLAIN
SMELLED FISHY.

AND NONE OF THEM MATCHED
THIS ONE'S MODUS OPERANDI.

THAT'S MODE OF OPERATION OR M.O.
AS WE SAY IN THE TRADE.

NO FELONIOUS SEA SLIME'S
GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME.

I THINK THIS VILLAIN'S
NO VILLAIN, DAD.

THE WATER GOT CLEANED UP
AND NOBODY GOT HURT.

I SUPPOSED THAT MAKES
ME CHOPPED LIVER.

YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT

THOSE FISH DID DO SOME
MAJOR JANITORIAL WORK.

THERE'S WAYS TO KEEP A
BEACH CLEAN WITHOUT
DESTROYING PROPERTY.

I STILL SAY THEY WERE JUST
TRYING TO DO SOME GOOD.

LOOK, I'M THE HERO
AROUND HERE,

NOT SOME SEA SLUG
WITH A HORN.

AND I'M GONNA CATCH THAT
MISCREANT IF IT'S THE
LAST THING I DO.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA FIND IT?

I COULD CHECK WITH THE
MUSICIANS UNION,

BUT I'D SAY WE'RE DEALING WITH A
NON-PROFESSIONAL HERE.

SO I'LL JUST MEET THE
WATERLOGGED WRETCH ON IT'S
OWN TURF.

OR, AH, SURF.

THE FAMED CRIME FIGHTER SETS
UP TO CONFRONT THE VILLAIN

IN THE BRINY DEEP.

[ SAWING ]

AH, D.W., I THINK WE'RE
GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT.

OH-HO! SO YOU'RE THE
ONE BEHIND IT ALL!

WHY DO I BOTHER?

SORRY ABOUT THE HOLE.

I WAS TRYING FOR A
DRAMATIC ENTRANCE.

JUST WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING?

THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT I
CAME TO ASK YOU.

IT IS?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE MY WHALE
A SNEEZING FIT, AREN'T YOU?

IT WAS THAT OR GET THE FULL
TOUR OF HIS DIGESTIVE TRACT.

THAT WASN'T VERY
NICE, YOU KNOW.

HE ALREADY HAS A
SINUS CONDITION.

OH, LET ME SEE HERE.

AH-HA! NOW I KNOW--

MY KEEN CRIME-FIGHTER'S
INSTINCTS TELL ME

YOU'RE BEHIND THE
AQUATIC UPRISING.

HA HA HA, YOU'RE MORE
FUN THAN A BARREL OF SEA
MONKEYS.

OF COURSE I'M THE ONE.

I JUST WANT TO TELL
YOU, BACK OFF.

OTHERWISE YOU'RE LIKELY
TO PUT ME IN A BAD MOOD.

AND YOU DON'T WANT
TO SEE ME MAD.

LET'S GET ONE THING
STRAIGHT HERE--

YOU DON'T TELL
ME WHAT TO DO--

I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

AND YOUR LITTLE
GAME IS OVER.

YOU'VE FALLEN FOR MY TRAP,
HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.

NOW YOU'VE GONE AND
SPOILED MY MOOD.

YOUR FRAME OF MIND IS OF
NO CONCERN TO MOI.

I'M TAKING YOU IN.

[ BLOWS SHELL HORN ]

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'RE BUSY.

LISTEN. YOU STAY OUT OF MY
WAY AND YOU WON'T GET HURT,

BUT IF YOU CROSS ME AGAIN,
YOU'RE GONNA BE FISH FOOD.

♪♪

SHE TOOK THE BAIT,

AND NOW IT'S TIME TO
REEL HER IN.

I'LL FIND THAT SARDINE IF I HAVE
TO SEARCH ALL SEVEN SEAS.

HONEY, YOU'VE GOT
THE I.Q. OF KELP.

IT'S ALL OVER NOW,
CHICKEN OF THE SEA.

THE TRIGGER MECHANISM
MUST BE A LITTLE DAMP.

I GUESS I'M GETTING SOFT,

BUT I'LL GIVE YOU ONE
LAST CHANCE TO BACK OFF.

NEVER! DARKWING DUCK DOES
NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THE
WORD SURRENDER.

ILLITERATE, HUH?
THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.

♪♪

CATCHY TUNE. ARE YOU
AVAILABLE FOR PARTIES?

IT'S THE END OF THE FISHING
LINE FOR YOU, SISTER.

THE GAME IS UP.

NOT NOW, LAUNCHPAD.
THIS IS MY BIG SPEECH.

I LIVE FOR MOMENTS
LIKE THESE.

IT WASN'T ME, D.W.

OH, IT WAS JUST THE
GIANT, DEADLY OCTOPUS.

OH, NO.

TRY YOUR GAS
GUN AGAIN, D.W.

IT'S NO GOOD UNDERWATER.

BUT DON'T WORRY. WE'LL
JUST MOVE ON TO PLAN B.

AND WHAT'S PLAN B?

ACTUALLY, MY GAS
GUN WAS PLAN B.

SEVERAL OF MY
INTERNAL ORGANS

ARE GOING TO BE OF VERY
LITTLE USE AFTER THIS CASE.

EASY, SWEETIE.

I DON'T WANT TO DO AWAY
WITH THEM JUST YET.

SAY, THIS IS SOME
AQUARIUM YOU GOT HERE.

YEAH. WHO WAS YOUR
DECORATOR, CAPTAIN NEMO?

KEEP MOVING. THIS ISN'T
A SIGHTSEEING TOUR.

DID YOU HAVE TO PUT
THESE ON SO TIGHT?

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE PUT ONE ON
THAT FLAPPING TRAP OF YOURS.

WHOA! YUP! MUST BE
HARD FINDING MAID
SERVICE DOWN HERE.

WHAT, NO TELEVISION?

SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T
GET CABLE, ANYWAY.

♪♪

NOW SEE HERE, YOU CARP--

CAREFUL, D.W.

THOSE THINGS LOOK
LIKE THEY MIGHT BE--

YAAAA-HAAA-HAAA!

YEP. ELECTRIC EELS.

AT LEAST YOU
COULD'VE DUSTED.

NOW THAT IS JUST
SOME OF THE JUNK

YOU SURFACE SLOBS HAVE
DUMPED DOWN HERE.

AND THIS IS A LITTLE BIT
OF WHAT DROPPED IN THIS
MORNING.

THOSE BEACH ATTACKS
WERE OVER LITTERING?

YOU'RE NOT SO STUPID
FOR AN IDIOT.

YOU'RE MAD! YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY--

DA-DA-DA-DA-DA!
ABSOLUTELY MAD.

I'M NOT MAD.

I'M FURIOUS!

IF YOUR BACKYARD WAS USED AS THE
WORLD'S BIGGEST GARBAGE DUMP,

WOULDN'T YOU BE ANNOYED?

THAT'S NO REASON TO
TAKE IT OUT ON US.

IT'S NOT?

THIS KIND OF HOSTILITY
IS REALLY VERY
COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE.

I WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY.

NO, SIR. NOT BY
A LONG SHOT.

I THINK THIS WHERE SHE
TELLS US WHAT DROVE HER
TO A LIFE OF VILLAINY.

I WAS THE HAPPIEST
HALIBUT YOU EVER MET

UNTIL...

I WAS RIGHT.

I WAS OUT FOR MY MORNING SWIM,

TRYING TO MAINTAIN MY
GIRLISH FISH FIGURE.

I WAS HAPPY AS A CLAM.

NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD.

THEN, SOMEBODY NEW SHOWED
UP IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

SOMEBODY LIKE NOBODY I'D
EVER SEEN BEFORE.

I WAS YOUNG, FRESH
OUT OF SCHOOL.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
THE THING WAS.

JUST FIGURED IT WAS A
NEW FRIEND TO PLAY WITH.

THEN ONE OF THOSE
THINGS HIT ME.

DIRECT HIT AND I'M
OUT FOR THE COUNT.

AND BEFORE I KNEW IT,
I WASN'T WHAT I WAS,

BUT WHAT I AM.

THAT'S THE SADDEST "WHY
I BEGAN A VILLAIN" STORY

I EVER HEARD.

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHY I'M PUT
OUT WITH YOU SURFACE TYPES.

THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER
FISH GONE BAD.

THAT'S NOT THE ATTITUDE I
WAS LOOKING FOR, BUSTER.

WHAT IF WE PROMISE TO
PICK UP AFTER OURSELVES?

IT'S TOO LATE FOR
THAT, SWEETIE.

I'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME

DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ANOTHER
FISH IN THIS WHOLE SEA.

I'M GONNA FLOOD
YOUR DIRTY CITY

UNTIL IT'S PART
OF MY WORLD.

THEN I'M GONNA CLEAN
IT UP FOR YOU.

THIS IS TERRIBLE. THINK
OF THE DESTRUCTION,

THE DAMAGE, THE DEVASTATION!

THINK OF THE DROP IN
PROPERTY VALUES.

♪♪

THE HERO MOMENTARILY
FINDS HIMSELF AT A
SLIGHT DISADVANTAGE.

BUT, AS ALWAYS, HE MAINTAINS
HIS EVER-COOL DEMEANOR.

I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!

YAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAA!

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK
NEPTUNIA HAS A POINT--

WE SURE DUMPED AN AWFUL
LOT OF JUNK DOWN HERE.

WHAT? YOU'RE DEFENDING
THAT LUNATIC?

JUST TRYING TO SEE
HER SIDE OF THINGS.

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,

THAT SMELT HAS SEVERE
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR.

YOU SEE, LAUNCHPAD,

WHEN ONE FEELS ONE
HAS BEEN WRONGED,

ONE DOES NOT GENERALLY RESPOND
BY WIPING OUT A CITY.

IT'S NOT NORMAL.

IN FACT, IT'S NUTS!

WE HAVE TO FIND A
WAY OUT OF HERE

SO WE CAN SAVE ST. CANARD.

I HAVE IT!

JUST AS I SUSPECTED-- THE EELS
OPERATE ON ALTERNATING CURRENT.

COME ON, LAUNCHPAD.
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

HOW DO WE KNOW WHICH WAY
WE OUGHT TO BE GOING?

RELAX. HAVE MY KEEN INSTINCTS
EVER LED US WRONG BEFORE?

WELL... THERE'S A FIRST
TIME FOR EVERYTHING.

AM I OVERREACTING OR ARE WE
IN SERIOUS DANGER HERE?

DANGER IS MY
MIDDLE NAME.

FUNNY, US BEING IN A
SITUATION LIKE THIS

AND ME NOW JUST FINDING OUT
WHAT YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS.

LATER, LAUNCHPAD. I THINK I'LL
GIVE THESE HOMICIDAL HERRINGS

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP THAT
SILLY SEA SERPENT

BEFORE SHE DESTROYS THE CITY.

♪♪

HA HA HA, BEFORE LONG,
EVERYBODY IN ST. CANARD

WILL HAVE AN OCEAN VIEW.

YOU SHOULD BE
HELPING HER, DAD,

NOT TRYING TO STOP HER.

GOSALYN, DEAREST, SHE'S
TRANSFORMING OUR FAIR CITY

INTO THE NEXT ATLANTIS.

I DON'T THINK THAT QUALIFIES HER
FOR ANY "GOOD SAMARITAN" AWARDS.

THE COURAGEOUS DEFENDER
OF THE DEEP PERSEVERES,

PASSING SKILLFULLY THROUGH
TROUBLED WATERS,

SEEKING TO EVEN THE SCORE.

BATTLE STATIONS!
FIEND DEAD AHEAD!

♪♪

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THERE, D.W.?

I'M RECORDING BARRACUDA
BREATH'S SOUND.

WELL, OK, BUT I
WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT
BEING A BIG SELLER.

NO, SHE USES HER SONG TO
COMMAND THE WHALE,

SO I'LL SIMPLY
PLAY IT BACKWARD

AND REVERSE HER EVIL ORDERS.

I GET IT. YOU'LL JUST
PUSH THIS BUTTON AND--

LAUNCHPAD! NO!

♪♪

THAT BOY JUST DOESN'T
KNOW WHEN TO QUIT.

DO YOU THINK SHE HEARD US?!

HOW'S THAT? I
CAN'T HEAR YOU

'CAUSE ALL THE NOISE.

SHHH. MAYBE SHE
DIDN'T NOTICE.

IS IT MY IMAGINATION OR IS
THIS PLACE GETTING SMALLER?

WELL, WE'RE SAFE NOW.

I SAW A PICTURE OF
YOU NOT LONG AGO.

IT WAS IN THE
DICTIONARY UNDER DUMB.

BY THE WAY, DO
YOU LIKE SUSHI?

I CAN TAKE IT
OR LEAVE IT.

WELL, SWEETHEART,
YOU'RE GONNA BE IT.

HERE, D.W.

TAKE THAT, YOU
MERCILESS MARLIN.

WELL, THAT'S A FINE
KETTLE OF FISH.

HA! ONCE MORE, THE
HERO SAVES THE DAY.

YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT
SAVING THE CITY?

AAAH! AND GOSALYN!

I DEMAND YOU DRAIN THE
CITY IMMEDIATELY.

NO. NO WAY. FORGET
IT. DREAM ON.

WHATTA YA MEAN?
I'M THE HERO.

YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY.

SAYS WHO?

IT'S THE WAY IT'S
DONE. THAT'S ALL.

I PLAY BY MY OWN RULES

AND I'M DOING WHAT I GOTTA
DO TO STOP THE POLLUTION.

YOU'RE HURTING A LOT OF
INNOCENT PEOPLE TOO.

HEY, NOBODY EVER MADE AN
OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING
A FEW EGGS.

BUT SOME OF THEM ARE
PRETTY GOOD EGGS.

SOME OF THEM ARE TRYING TO
STOP THE POLLUTION.

YOU MAY BE CLEANING
OUT THE CITY,

BUT YOU'RE CLEANING OUT
THE GOOD RIGHT ALONG
WITH THE BAD.

MAYBE YOU COULD CALL
YOUR WHALE BACK.

I GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE.

BUT THERE'S NO WAY MY
WHALE CAN HEAR ME NOW.

SINCE SOMEBODY BROKE
MY TRUMPET.

GOT IT! WE CAN AMPLIFY YOUR
VOICE WITH THE SUB'S
LOUDSPEAKER.

YOU'VE GOT SOME
PRETTY GOOD IDEAS
FOR A MORON.

OH, I FORGOT. SOMEBODY'S
OVEREAGER OCTOPUS SUNK IT.

WELL, THAT'S NO SWEAT.

♪♪

IT ISN'T TRADITIONAL FOR THE
HERO TO SHOW GRATITUDE TO
THE VILLAIN,

BUT THANKS FOR
SPARING THE CITY.

MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING
WORTH SALVAGING IN IT.

WASN'T THERE
SOMETHING ELSE, DAD?

NO. THAT WAS IT.
NOTHING MORE.

ARE YOU SURE, DAD?

OH, YEAH. SLIPPED MY MIND.

WELL, AH, I FOUND THIS ON
THE BEACH AND THOUGHT YOU
MIGHT WANT IT.

THIS'LL COME IN HANDY
NEXT TIME I TEACH YOU
SLOBS A LESSON.

BUT, HONEY, I HOPE THERE
WON'T BE A NEXT TIME.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL
SEE TO IT MYSELF.

SEE YOU AROUND, HONEY.

PTOOEY! I THINK I PREFER
BEING ON HER BAD SIDE.

I WISH SHE'D FLOODED THE PLACE

TILL THE HIGHEST SKYSCRAPER
WAS UNDERWATER.

THAT WOULD'VE REALLY TAUGHT
THOSE SLOBS A LESSON.

GOSALYN, I THINK YOU MAY
HAVE MISSED THE POINT.

THE POINT IS THAT ALL PROBLEMS,
NO MATTER HOW SEVERE,

CAN BE SOLVED IN PEACEFUL
WAYS. AND AFTER--

HEY! WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING,

YOU BIG SLOB?!

LITTERBUGS!