Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 2, Episode 5 - Slaves to Fashion - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

THE GOS STOPS HERE.

DON'T TALK
WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL.

STOP HER, HONK FACE,
OR I'LL CRUNCH YOU.

GREAT.

YOU DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE

AGAINST GOSALYN MALLARD,
SOCCER SENSATION!

WAY TO GO, HONK HEAD.

CAN'T YOU STOP A GIRL?

YOU THINK YOU CAN
DO BETTER, TANK TOP?

YEAH!
ANYONE CAN STOP A GIRL

UNLESS THEY'RE A WIMP!

GET ONE PAST ME.

MY PLEASURE.

YOU CHEATED.

I TRIPPED.
THE SUN BLINDED ME.

TRY NONE OF THE ABOVE.

BLASTED INSTRUCTIONS!

A SUPERCOMPUTER
COULDN'T FIGURE THIS OUT.

OW!

WELL, IT'S DIFFERENT.

WHO WANTS AN ORDINARY BIKE?

ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?

OH, HI, BINKY.
IT'S FOR GOSALYN.

BIKES ARE SO BOYISH.

DON'T YOU THINK GOSALYN
SHOULD HAVE MORE
FEMININE THINGS?

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT?

EVERY TIME YOU SEE ME.

THERE'S A MASQUERADE BALL
COMING UP,

A SCHOOL BENEFIT.

GOSALYN COULD BE
A STUDENT HOST.

IT MIGHT ROUND OFF
HER ROUGH EDGES.

THANKS FOR SHARING,
BUT NO, THANKS.

I'LL DECIDE
WHETHER HER EDGES
NEED ROUNDING.

SHE'S AS FEMININE
AS ANY GIRL--

HI, DAD. THE CITY
SOCCER CUP'S IN THE BAG.

I'LL TRASH
THE COMPETITION.

HELLO, TANK.
DON'T TRACK MUD INSIDE.

IT'S O.K.
I DIDN'T BREAK ANY BONES.

WELL, UH, SIGN US UP
FOR THE MASQUERADE.

I'M EXCITED!
THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO!

WE'LL TEACH YOU MANNERS,
CHARM, AND POISE.

YOU'LL BECOME
A LOVELY YOUNG LADY.

WHAT?

IT'S NO JOKE?

SORRY.

IT'S NOT FUNNY,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

I DON'T WANT
TO BE A LADY!

IS THIS THE ROOM
OF A NORMAL
LITTLE GIRL?

YOU'LL ACT
LIKE A LADY.
THAT'S FINAL!

WHEN YOU LOOK FEMININE,
YOU FEEL FEMININE.

YOU DON'T MIND
MY BUYING SOME THINGS?

IT'S MY PLEASURE.

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR
PACKAGES BY THE DOOR.

LOVE TO.

THIS YOUNG LADY
NEEDS A STUDENT
HOSTESS OUTFIT.

THIS PINK LITTLE NUMBER?

TOO PINK.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
YOU LIKE?

NOPE. HOLD THE PHONE!

IS THIS NEAT, OR WHAT?

OH, GREAT. MY DAUGHTER--
A HEAVY METAL GUN MOLL.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT NEEDS SOMETHING ELSE.

THAT'S ENOUGH!
I'LL PICK OUT SOMETHING.

DRAKE, YOU SURPRISED ME.

THAT'S LOVELY.
DON'T YOU THINK SO, GOSALYN?

[GRUMBLING]

YOU SHOULD HAVE
SHOWN US THIS FIRST.

[BABBLING]

DO I HAVE TO WEAR
THIS EMBARRASSMENT?

GET USED TO IT.

I MUST COLLECT MY FARES.

MY GOODNESS!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

THIS IS A JOB FOR--

MALL SECURITY.

I'LL CALL THEM.
WAIT HERE.

I MUST COLLECT MY FARES.

I'M THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I'M THE METER
ON THE CAB OF JUSTICE--

I'M DARKWING DUCK.

SURE.

STAY COOL.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SURRENDER! DARKWING DUCK
DEMANDS YOUR DEMISE.

PTOOEY!

WOW. AMATEUR LANDING, DUDE.

MY BACK'S KILLING ME.

PRETTY GOOD DAY, BOSS.

PRETTY GOOD? WHY, YOU'VE
DONE AN EXCELLENT JOB.

NOW, CHANGE INTO
THIS SPECIAL UNIFORM.

CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN,
I ALWAYS SAY.

[HONK]

MY HYPNO-GAS WORKS!

HE TURNED FROM A TAXI DRIVER
INTO A CAVE MAN,

EXACTLY AS I DIRECTED.

AHEM.

I'LL HAVE NO MORE
PROBLEMS WITH ACTORS.

WHEN I HYPNO-GAS
THEIR COSTUMES,

EVERY PERFORMANCE
WILL BE PERFECT!

I, TUSKERNINNI,

TRULY AM THE GREATEST
LIVING MOVIE DIRECTOR.

IT'S TIME
FOR A SCREEN TEST.

WHAT'S THIS ONE FOR?

THE ENTREE?

NO, SALAD.

I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

DON'T BE NEGATIVE.

LOOK WHAT I FOUND--

AN ENCYCLOPEDIA
OF ETIQUETTE.

THERE'S THOUSANDS
OF RULES HERE.

WONDERFUL!
GOSALYN CAN STUDY
IN HER FREE TIME.

ISN'T THIS FUN?

YOU'LL BE THE MOST
REFINED YOUNG LADY.

YOU MUST LEARN
TO CARRY YOURSELF PROPERLY.

WALK TO THE KITCHEN
AND BACK

BALANCING THIS
ON YOUR HEAD.

AND SHE SCORES!

YOUR POSTURE'S FINE.

[SNORING]

WE DISCUSSED RULES
FOR MAKING INTRODUCTIONS.

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE
TO PRACTICE.

LAUNCHPAD?

PLEASE GO OUTSIDE
AND KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR.

HUH?

OH, SURE.
NO PROBLEM.

ALL RIGHT, INTRODUCE
LAUNCHPAD TO ME.

BUT HE ALREADY KNOWS YOU.

LET'S PRETEND
HE DOESN'T.

INTRODUCE US
PROPERLY.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HI.

THAT WAS EASY.

NO, LAUNCHPAD. WAIT TO BE
INTRODUCED WHEN YOU ENTER.

OH. SORRY.

LET'S TRY AGAIN.

[KNOCK KNOCK]

WHY ARE YOU
KNOCKING?

BEATS ME.

DAD'S GOT A POINT.

WELL, WE'LL CONTINUE
THE LESSON TOMORROW.

IS THIS WHERE I INQUIRE
ABOUT THE MASQUERADE BENEFIT?

YES. MAY I HELP YOU?

I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU.

I RUN A MOTION PICTURE
COSTUME COMPANY.

I HEARD ABOUT
YOUR MASQUERADE,

AND, OH,
I WAS MOVED TO TEARS.

I ADORE CHILDREN.

I TOOK THESE THREE IN,

SO I KNOW THE IMPORTANCE
OF EDUCATION.

YOU KIND MAN.

SO FEW PEOPLE
THESE DAYS.

I'M OFFERING TO RENT
MY COSTUMES TO YOUR GUESTS

AT A SUBSTANTIAL DISCOUNT

AS A SMALL TOKEN
OF MY APPRECIATION

FOR ALL THE GOOD WORK
YOUR SCHOOL HAS DONE.

I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST SO MOVED.

IF ONLY
THERE WERE MORE
PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

I'LL SEE TO IT

THAT ALL OUR
GUESTS GO TO YOU
FOR COSTUMES.

BLESS YOU AND YOUR
LITTLE CHILDREN.

YOU'RE TOO KIND.

COME, CHILDREN.

WHEN WE SPRAY HYPNO-GAS
ON THE COSTUMES,

THOSE RICH PEOPLE WILL ACT
EXACTLY AS I DIRECT.

WE'LL FILM THE BENEFIT,

AND WE'LL STEAL
THEIR MONEY AND JEWELS.

THIS SCRIPT WILL BE
THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

OF ART AND CRIME!

YOU'RE IN
THE WRONG CENTURY.

YOU WERE BORN TO
WEAR THIS DRESS.

THANK YOU.
IT'S LOVELY.

I ONLY WISH I HAD
SOME COSTUME JEWELRY HERE

TO COMPLETE THE EFFECT.

I HAVE REAL JEWELS
THAT'LL BE PERFECT
WITH THIS DRESS.

I SO RARELY WEAR
MY GOOD DIAMONDS.

I HOPED FOR THAT.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT
THAT'S FANCY?

I WANT TO DRIP
WITH JEWELS.

WONDERFUL!

WE WANT COSTUMES
THAT WILL LOOK GOOD
WITH GOLD.

OH, THERE'S PLENTY
FOR EVERYONE.

THIS IS A CLASSIC!

YOU'VE NEVER
HAD A DATE BEFORE?

I HAVEN'T.

YOU'VE BEEN TO DANCES
BEFORE, HAVEN'T YOU?

NO, LAUNCHPAD.

OH. GO AHEAD
AND BE NERVOUS.

THANK YOU, LAUNCHPAD.

I HOPE GOSALYN CAN
ACT SOMEWHAT LIKE--

[WHISTLES]

ISN'T SHE
THE PRETTIEST
LITTLE GIRL?

HUBBA HUBBA!

GOSALYN, IS THAT YOU?

YOU LOOK SO...GROWNUP.

WHERE'S THE TIME GO?

ONE DAY
SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL,

AND THE NEXT...

WHERE'S
YOUR COSTUME?

PARDON.

HAVEN'T YOU
BEEN LISTENING?

IT'S A MASQUERADE
BALL.

EXCEPT FOR
THE STUDENT HOSTS,

EVERYBODY
WEARS COSTUMES.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

LAUNCHPAD, LET'S GO.

AN AIR ACE!

WHAT A WONDERFUL
COSTUME, LAUNCHPAD,

AND SO AUTHENTIC.

BUT THAT'S WHAT...

HE ISN'T EVEN...

NEVER MIND.

NICE COSTUME, DRAKE.

OF COURSE,
NOBODY WILL CONFUSE YOU

WITH THE REAL
DARKWING DUCK.

YOU DON'T THINK
THERE'S ANY RESEMBLANCE?

NO OFFENSE, GUY,

BUT DARKWING DUCK
IS MUCH TALLER.

HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

I SEEN HIM ONCE IN PERSON.

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

WHO'S THE PRECIOUS
LITTLE LADY?

THAT CAN'T BE OUR GOSALYN.

LET'S SEE HER
PLAY SOCCER IN THAT.

[HONK HONK]

YOU ALL KNOW
YOUR PARTS.

WITH HYPNO-GAS
IN SCUBA TANKS,

THE GUESTS
WON'T SUSPECT.
EVERYTHING WORKING?

NOT AT ME,
YOU IDIOT!

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S ROLL FILM!

DON'T YOU THINK
IT WOULD BE GENTLEMANLY

TO TALK
TO THE OTHER GIRLS?

I'M NO GENTLEMAN.

MAYBE I'LL TEACH YOU
SOME MANNERS.

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

I'M HAVING
A WONDERFUL TIME
TALKING TO YOU.

ALL RIGHT.
REALLY?

COME ON OVER HERE.

IN FACT,
I'VE NEVER SEEN SO
MANY HANDSOME BOYS

IN ONE PLACE.

I'LL HAVE TO DANCE
WITH EACH AND EVERY
ONE OF YOU.

I THOUGHT
YOU HATED DANCING.

YOU WANTED ME
TO BE A LADY.

YES, BUT, BUT...

OH, YOU'RE VERY GENEROUS.

ANYTHING FOR
THE CAUSE, MA'AM.

TIME TO PREPARE MY ACTORS
FOR THEIR PERFORMANCES.

I'LL GET EVERYTHING
IN ONE BIG TAKE TONIGHT.

YOU'RE READY
FOR THE BIG
PRODUCTION NUMBER,

AND YOU'LL
BE THE STAR!

WAIT. YOU'RE MAKING
A RATTLING SOUND.

IT'S SPOILING
EVERYTHING.

OH, I KNOW--

IT'S YOUR JEWELRY.

GIVE IT ALL TO ME.

YES, THAT'S PERFECT.

DON'T STOP DANCING.

THIS IS GOING
EXACTLY ACCORDING
TO THE SCRIPT.

PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF.

FUEL LEVEL? CHECK.
OIL PRESSURE? CHECK.

CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF.

VISIBILITY--1 MILE.

A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO FLY!

I FAKED LEFT,
THEN RIGHT.

I'M IN THE CLEAR--

WHAT WAS I SAYING?

OH, NEVER MIND.

I LOVE A PARTY.
DON'T YOU, HONKER?

INDEED SO,
GOSSIE-POO.

TELL THAT
AMUSING ANECDOTE

ABOUT THE TIME
YOU BROUGHT A SNAKE
TO SCHOOL

AND PUT IT IN
THE TEACHER'S DESK.

HONKER, PLEASE!

A LADY'S ENTITLED
TO KEEP SOME SECRETS.

WHAT A DARLING COSTUME!

MY DUCK SENSE IS QUACKING.

SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT.

AT EASE, SOLDIER.

HAVE YOU NOTICED
ANYTHING ODD ABOUT
HOW PEOPLE...

WE'RE GOING DOWN!
BAIL OUT!

ARE ACTING?

HMM. METHINKS
MALICIOUS MISCHIEF
MARS THIS MASQUERADE.

ACTING...ACTING!

THOSE AREN'T SCUBA DIVERS!

THIS CAN ONLY BE THE WORK
OF ONE BLUBBERY VILLAIN.

NICE COSTUME.

FUNNY TO FIND
AN OVERDRESSED EXTRA
LURKING HERE.

WHEREVER CRIMINALS
PLY THEIR TRADE,

YOU'LL FIND
DARKWING DUCK!

HAND OVER THE LOOT!

HOW DARE YOU!

I AM DIRECTING
THIS PRODUCTION.

[SNORT]

I JUST REWROTE
YOUR SCRIPT, TUSKERNINNI.

DARKWING DUCK
WON'T STAND BY WHILE--

OOF!

THAT'S A WRAP!

SEE THAT DUCK?

WIPE HIM OUT!

YES, SIR!

THAT'S YOUR PARTNER.

PRACTICE TOGETHER
EVEN IF HE DOESN'T
WANT TO.

ESPECIALLY IF HE
DOESN'T WANT TO.

[GRUNTING]

ONCE AGAIN I'VE PROVED
THE CRITICS WRONG.

THEY SAY UNHAPPY ENDINGS
DON'T MAKE MONEY.

I'VE MADE LOTS OF MONEY.

AND IT LOOKS LIKE
A VERY UNHAPPY ENDING

FOR DARKWING DUCK!

EEE-HA, LET'S MAMBO!

MADAM, PLEASE!

WIPE HIM OUT.

WOO-HOO!
ONE AND TWO,

ONE AND TWO.

LAUNCHPAD!
LAUNCHPAD, WAKE UP!

AAH!

RUNNING PLAY
UP THE MIDDLE ON TWO.

TWO!

KEEP GOING!

GOSALYN, LET'S GO.
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

NONSENSE. I'M HAVING
A LOVELY TIME.

I'M AFTER
THAT WILY WALRUS.

I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT
THANKING THE HOSTESS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?

SNAP OUT OF IT!

DAD?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I...WATCH OUT!

YOU'RE YOU AGAIN.

BUT NOTHING HAPPENED,
EXCEPT...

OF COURSE--YOUR DRESS!

THE PENGUINS
GASSED THE COSTUMES.

LAUNCHPAD,
ARE YOU NORMAL,
RELATIVELY SPEAKING?

GEE, D.W., THAT'S
A TOUGH QUESTION. NORMAL?

PUTTING ME UP AGAINST--

MADAM, THAT'S A MOST
ELEGANT OUTFIT.

WHERE DID YOU OBTAIN
SUCH FINERY?

YOU FLATTER ME.

I RENTED IT FROM A
WELL-DRESSED WALRUS.

LET'S GO!

I'VE LOST CONTROL!
WE'RE GOING DOWN!

YOU'RE STILL UNDER
TUSKERNINNI'S GAS.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
REALLY GOING TO--

CRASH.

WE'RE GOING IN.

BUT, DAD...

STAY HERE.
THIS IS DANGEROUS.

THE GREATEST DIRECTORS

COULDN'T STAGE
A CAPER LIKE THIS.

AND NO RETAKES.

HYPNO-GAS!

LET'S GIVE
TUSKERNINNI A TASTE.

SUCK GAS, EVILDOER!

WHO PUT
THESE CLOTHES HERE?

DEARLY BELOVED,
IF ANYONE KNOWS ANY REASON

WHY THIS HAPPY COUPLE
SHOULDN'T BE MARRIED--

DON'T DO IT! YOU'LL
NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF!

DAD!

YOU FIGHT WELL, SIR.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE
A WORTHY OPPONENT.

DON'T THANK HIM.
RUN HIM THROUGH!

♪ PROMENADE LEFT ♪

♪ SWING YOUR PARTNER
ALLEMANDE RIGHT ♪♪

GOOD DAY, DOCTOR.

CANCEL MY APPOINTMENTS.
I'M LATE FOR GOLF!

CAN I PLAY THROUGH?

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
YOU LOW-LIFE LINKSTERS.

I'M THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I'M THE SAND TRAP
ON THE FAIRWAY OF EVIL.

YOU, CADDIE,
COME OVER HERE NOW!

WHAT'S WRONG?
WE DIDN'T PAY GREEN FEES?

I REPLACED
MY DIVOTS.

PUT ON THE CAPE!

CADDIES
DON'T WEAR CAPES.
I CAN'T CARRY--

DO IT NOW!
NOW THE HAT,

OR ELSE, I'LL--

I TOLD YOU
TO STAY OUTSIDE!

YOU'RE YOU AGAIN!

YES, I AM,
AND WE'LL TALK LATER.

THIS ROUND'S OVER
FOR YOU, TUSKERNINNI,

BUT YOU CAN WORK
ON YOUR SWING IN PRISON.

JUSTICE IS SERVED AGAIN
THANKS TO DARKWING DUCK!

AHEM.

AND FAMILY.

IT'S NOT RIGHT.

I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
ABOUT THE MASQUERADE.

IT'S A MYSTERY, YEAH.

I MISSED GOSALYN
DANCING WITH--

IS GOSALYN ACTING
LIKE A PERFECT LITTLE LADY?

PRACTICALLY PERFECT
IN EVERY WAY.