Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 2, Episode 4 - Fungus Amongus - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

[AWOOO!]

[AWOOO!]

THERE IT GOES AGAIN.
LET'S GO HOME.

I'M GETTING
THE HEEBIE JEEBIES.

WOULD YOU RELAX?

IT'S MORE BAFFLING
THAN OUR PHONE BILL--

IGUANAS
SWIPING OLIVES,

BLACK CATS
STEALING ONIONS.

THE WHOLE CITY'S WEIRD.

AND IT'S
GETTING WEIRDER!

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[AWOOO!]
[AWOOO!]

HOLD ONTO YOUR GOGGLES.

WE'RE FOLLOWING
THOSE DELUSIONS.

WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?

DID I SAY THAT?

OOH! WHY DO I ALWAYS
HIT THE LIGHTS?

THEY'RE GOING
TO GET AWAY.

UH, GEE,
THAT'S TOO BAD.

THIS IS THE LONGEST
LIGHT IN HISTORY!

HO HO!

THAT LOOKS PROMISING.

AAH!

ANCHOVIES?

WHY WOULD BATS
WANT ANCHOVIES?

M-MAYBE THEY'RE WORRIED
ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

THAT'S NO EXCUSE
FOR STEALING.

LET'S GRAB 'EM!

I GOTTA TOUCH 'EM?

OUR WEIGHT WILL BE
TOO MUCH FOR THEM.

NOW WHAT?

SHAKE IT AWAY
FROM THEM.

AAH!
AAH!

[SPLASH]

DID I MISS SOMETHING?

WHERE WAS THE OFF-RAMP
THAT SAID,
"THE TWILIGHT ZONE"?

OH, NO!

PEPPERONI?

EXCELLENT!
NOW COME.

IT'S TIME
WE WENT HOME.

HOW'S ABOUT WE CALL IT
A NIGHT, D.W.?

SORRY. I COULDN'T SLEEP
WITHOUT CRACKING THIS CASE.

AFTER THIS CASE
I'LL NEVER SLEEP

OR TURN OUT THE LIGHTS!

OLIVES, ANCHOVIES,
PEPPERONI--

WHAT DO THEY HAVE
IN COMMON?

PIZZA!

SUDDENLY,
I GOTTA HAVE PIZZA.

WHOA!

[CRASH]

YOU'RE A GENIUS!

SOME FIEND IS FILCHING
PIZZA TOPPINGS!

THAT'S THE CONNECTION!

HECK IF I KNOW WHY.

MAYBE
HE'S HUNGRY, TOO.

LET'S STOP
AT PIZZA PIERRE'S.

NOT A CHANCE.

THE ONLY TOPPINGS LEFT

ARE GREEN PEPPERS
AND MUSHROOMS.

WE'LL CATCH THAT
CONDIMENT CREEP
IN THE ACT!

I'LL TAKE MUSHROOMS.

IT'S TIME TO
DIVIDE AND CONQUER!

IF I STOPPED FOR A PIZZA,
HE'D NEVER KNOW.

DON'T BET ON IT!

RATS.

FUNNY PLACE
TO BUILD A CONDO.

THIS IS THE ADDRESS,

"McCAWBER MUSHROOMS
UNLIMITED,"

THE ONLY MUSHROOMS
IN TOWN.

PERFECT WEATHER FOR PUTTING
CROOKS IN THE COOLER.

VERY INTERESTING WEATHER
WE'RE HAVING.

YEOW!

VERY INTERESTING.

NOBODY SHOULD BE WORKING
AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT

EXCEPT PIZZA CROOKS.

I HATE THAT.

LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS
IN A MILLION MOVIES.

AHA!

ECK! ACK! UGH! ER!

O.K., FINE.

THE LIGHTED ROOM
WAS IN FRONT--

HERE!

HUH?

OBVIOUSLY DONE
WITH MIRRORS.

ANYWAY, I'VE GOT
A CROOK TO CATCH!

AAH!

OH-HOY.

I'LL RETRACE MY STEPS.

AAH!

INTRIGUING
ARCHITECTURE.

I MUST GET THE NAME
OF THE DESIGNER
SO I CAN HURT HIM.

I'VE HAD IT
WITH THIS HOUSE.

THE PIZZA FIEND
IS TRYING
TO PSYCH ME OUT.

WELL, DARKWING DUCK

IS THE MASTER
OF PSYCHOLOGICAL
WARFARE.

I AM THE TERROR THAT...

FLAPS...IN THE NIGHT?

THIS IS
A DIRECTOR'S MEETING.

I DON'T BELIEVE
YOU WERE INVITED!

UH, WELL, NO, I WASN'T
INVITED PER SE.

I SAW THE LIGHT AND...

WAS ONLY TRYING to help.

YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE
MY ASSOCIATES.

THEY'RE SUCH TEASES.

REALLY, DARLING,
YOU'RE SUCH
A PARTY POOPER.

WE WEREN'T
GONNA HURT HIM

MUCH!

GOOD EVENING.
I'M MORGANA McCAWBER,

THE PRESIDENT
OF McCAWBER'S MUSHROOMS.

NICE TO MEET YOU, MR...

DINGWING DORK.

ER, DUCKWING--

DUCK--DUCK--DUCK--

DARKWING DUCK,

AT YOUR SERVICE.

WHAT AN UNUSUAL NAME,

BUT THEN YOU SEEM
VERY UNUSUAL.

I LIKE THAT.

[GULP]

WE'RE HAVING
AN EMERGENCY MEETING

REGARDING THE
PIZZA TOPPING THEFTS.

PIZZA TOPPINGS?
YOU KNEW THAT?

WELL, I, UH...
DEDUCED IT.

SHE DEDUCED IT!

MY KIND OF WOMAN.

ISN'T IT PECULIAR
TO HOLD A MEETING SO LATE?

I ENJOY THE NIGHT.

SUN IS SO HARSH
ON MY SKIN.

I'M SORT OF A CREATURE
OF THE NIGHT MYSELF.

WE HAVE MUCH
IN COMMON, DARKWING.

LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND.

I SHOULD GET BACK--

WAIT!

I COULD CHECK
YOUR SECURITY.

I'D LOVE TO SEE
YOUR OPERATION.

SHALL WE?

HA HA HA HA!

MORGANA'S CAUGHT HERSELF
ONE CHUNK OF A DUCK!

I HOPE THERE'S ENOUGH
TO GO AROUND.

I DON'T LIKE IT.
HE COST US THE ANCHOVIES.

IF HE GETS TOO CLOSE,
I SAY WE--

EXACTLY.

THERE'S MORE FUNGUS
IN YOUR LITTLE FINGER

THAN IN MOST
PEOPLE'S HEADS.

YOU MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
ABOUT MUSHROOMS.

THANK YOU, DARK.

PERHAPS WE COULD
GET TOGETHER AGAIN.

I COULD DISCUSS SPORES
AND SLIME MOLDS.

I'D LIKE THAT.

SORT OF.

I'M SURE YOU MUST
GET BACK TO YOUR
EXCITING INVESTIGATION.

NO!

I HAVE TO
PROTECT YOU--

UH, THE MUSHROOMS.

OH, THAT'S REALLY...

YES?

IMPOSSIBLE.

THE OTHERS ARE...

SENSITIVE
ABOUT OUTSIDERS.

WE'LL BE JUST FINE,

I PROMISE.

O.K.

[LAUNCHPAD]
DARKWING DUCK! COME
IN, D.W.!

I COULD REALLY
USE A HAND!

THE RATCATCHER'S RADIO!

HE'S TROUBLE, MORGANA.

THE BOARD WANTS HIM...
DISPOSED OF.

USE THIS, DARLING.

ONE SMOOCH OF MY
LIP POTION AND HE'S--

ANCIENT HISTORY!

I'M SURE
I WON'T NEED IT.

HE'S ALREADY EATING
OUT OF MY HAND.

IF I NEED
TO GET RID OF HIM,

I PREFER THE
OLD-FASHIONED WAY.

HEE HEE HEE!

YES, GRANNY,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

LAUNCHPAD?

I'M IN TROUBLE, D.W.

BIG TROUBLE!

HURRY, D.W.!

I'M ABOUT TO KNOW

WHAT A FLY FEELS LIKE.

C'MON, GUYS.
YOU DON'T WANT ME.

AREN'T THERE ANY FLIES
IN YOUR PARLOR?

WHO NEEDS FLIES

WHEN WE CAN HAVE
A NICE JUICY LAUNCHPAD?

HA HA HA HA!

HANG IN THERE,
LAUNCHPAD!

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL BE HERE.

STOP HIM!

GAAH!

GEE, I WAS HOPING
WE COULD SKIP DINNER.

AND NOW, MY FRIENDS,
IT'S TIME TO FEAST!

YOU'LL DO NOTHING
OF THE KIND!

THE OTHERS
WILL NOT BE PLEASED.

THEY ARE NOT
IN CHARGE.

DARKWING DUCK
IS MINE.

[MORGANA]
AHEM!

AAH!
AAH!
AAH!

NICE MANICURE.
THANKS!

DON'T MENTION IT.

MORGANA, WHAT ARE--
HEY!

NOT SO FAST,
YOU ARROGANT ARACHNIDS!

[COUGHING]

WHOA! PRETTY
IMPRESSIVE.

BUG SPRAY?

SMOG.

OH, THE POOR DEARS!

HUH?

[COUGHING]

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

THIS GIRL DOESN'T
GET OUT ENOUGH.

MORGANA,
THAT THING'S DANGEROUS!

IT IS NOT.

HE'S JUST AN
ITTY BITTY SPIDER.

THEY'RE VERY SWEET.

REALLY?

BUT AREN'T THEY...
VENOMOUS?

ONLY A LITTLE.

MORGANA'S
REALLY SOMETHING,

ISN'T SHE, LAUNCHPAD?

I'LL SAY.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT ME.

YOU SAW HOW
SHE LOOKS AT ME.

LIKE A SNAKE LOOKS
AT ITS DINNER.

YEAH, SEE?
THE POOR KID'S
LOVESTRUCK.

LAUNCHPAD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GETTING YOUR ATTENTION.

YOU'RE A HERO,
NOT A ROMEO.

HOW'D YOUR
CREEPY GIRLFRIEND

KNOW WHERE I WAS?

MORGANA'S NOT CREE--
WAIT A MINUTE.

HOWDID SHE KNOW?

HERE'S SOMETHING--
AN ACCIDENT.

WHAT COULD SQUEEZE
MILK TRUCKS DRY?

IS THIS RELATED
TO OUR CASE?

IT ISN'T
WEIRD ENOUGH.

MILK DOESN'T GO
ON PIZZA.

IT DOES WHEN
IT BECOMES CHEESE.

IS THIS WEIRD ENOUGH
FOR YA?

BAD CASE OF GAS.

[BURP]

I KNOW HER!

SHE WAS
AT MORGANA'S.

YOU'VE BEEN MAKING
ALL SORTS
OF SWELL FRIENDS.

LET'S GO.

SMELL THAT? IT'S PIZZA!

JUST AS I THOUGHT.

THIS IS THE HIDEOUT
OF THE TOPPING THIEF.

THESE ARE REALLY
COMING ALONG

QUITE NICELY.

LOOKS PRETTY BLAND
TO ME.

DROP IT, NERO.

THERE'S NO MARKET FOR
GRUB-AND-COCKROACH PIZZA.

MORGANA'S BEING CHEATED

BY HER BOARD
OF DIRECTORS!

WELL, I SAY
IT'S TERROR-TIME.

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE ONION
THAT STINGS IN YOUR EYES!

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

OH, GOODY.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
RENFIELD.

YOU'VE BEEN ROBBING THE CITY
OF PIZZA TOPPINGS

SO YOU CAN GROW THESE
MUSHROOM ABERRATIONS.

HEY, D.W.
THIS THING SMELLS
JUST LIKE A PIZZA!

IT TASTES
LIKE IT, TOO.

A PERFECT PIZZA
EVERY TIME

WITH NO
MANUFACTURING COSTS.

WE'LL CORNER
THE PIZZA INDUSTRY!

AS SOON AS WE

GET RID OF YOU!

[BURP]

TRAITORS...DOING THIS
TO POOR MORGANA!

POOR MORGANA?
POOR US!

WE'LL SOON BE
FUNGUS FOOD!

HE'S RIGHT.
I'M JUST FINE.

SORRY, DARKWING. YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED.

I NEVER WANTED THIS.

SOUNDS KINDA FINAL,
DOESN'T IT?

S-S-SO MUCH FOR
LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS.

D.W., I'M SORRY YOUR
GIRLFRIEND'S A FIENDISH,

BLOOD-SUCKING CREATURE
FROM THE NETHERWORLD.

NOBODY'S DOING
ANY BLOOD-SUCKING.

SHE'S JUST...
MISGUIDED.

I KNOW I COULD
CONVINCE HER
TO SEE THE LIGHT.

I HATE LIGHT, DARKWING.

IT'S SO...EW...

HEALTHY!

COME ON, MORGANA,
YOU CAN CHANGE.

YOU'RE REALLY NOT
AN EVIL PERSON.

AN EVIL PERSON, NO.

AN EVIL BUSINESSWOMAN,
YES.

THEY'RE TWO
SEPARATE THINGS.

SORRY. DISHONEST
IS DISHONEST.

PERIOD,FINI,
END OF DISCUSSIONS,

END OF HOPE.

OH, DARKWING,
IF YOU INSIST ON
HAVING PRINCIPLES,

OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS DOOMED.

ISN'T THAT THE TRUTH.

UNCLE NERO,
THEY'RE NOT

YOUR PERSONAL SNACKS!

THE BOARD IS CONCERNED
THAT YOUR MANAGEMENT STYLE

HAS GROWN SOFT.

THAT'S NOT
YOUR CONCERN.

DARKWING
HAS POTENTIAL.

HE'S A CREATURE
OF THE NIGHT.

LET'S MAKE HIM
ONE OF US.

D.W.!

SNAP OUT OF IT!

WE NEEDN'T
GET RID OF HIM.

JUST HIS FRIEND.

WHAT?

DARKWING,
THROW LAUNCHPAD
TO THE FUNGUS.

WHEW! IS THAT ALL?

I CAN RISK GETTING
ATHLETE'S FOOT.

AAH!

THOSE THINGS
ARE CARNIVOROUS!

AN UNFORTUNATE
SIDE EFFECT.

OOH!

ALL RIGHT, D.W.!

THAT'S USING MY HEAD.

THAT WON'T STOP THEM.

TO THE STREET!

RIGHT.
UH, COULD YOU...

COULD, UH...

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!

I VOTE WE REMOVE MORGANA
AS CHAIRPERSON.

I SECOND IT.

SILLY DARLINGS,
LET OUR PETS DO IT.

SIC 'EM, BOYS!

WE'LL HAVE TO HURRY
IF WE WANT LEFTOVERS.

YOU SWITCHED
THE LIPSTICK.

I WANTED YOU TO STAY
BECAUSE OF ME,

NOT BECAUSE
YOU WERE A ZOMBIE.

SWELL. NOW WHAT?

THAT MUSHROOM MOB
IS COMING!

TO THE KITCHEN!
WE NEED BUTTER.

TAKE IT TO THE ROOF.

OUTSIDE!

OH, NO!

WHAT?

I NEED LIGHTNING!

OH, IS THAT ALL?

UH...UH, THANKS.

NOW, QUICK,
OUT OF THE WAY.

OVER HERE,
YOU SPORE BRAINS!

DARKWING DUCK
IS NOT SO EASILY CAUGHT.

WHOA!

GOT YOUR BUTTER, D.W.

THIS PLACE IS WEIRD!

LATER, LAUNCHPAD!

THROW THE BUTTER
AT THE MUSHROOMS!

MMM!
YUM! YUM!

IT'S NOT WORKING.
THEY'RE NOT SLIPPING!

THEY'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO.

HOPE I'M LUCKY
AS BEN FRANKLIN!

WOW.
SAUTEED PIZZA MUSHROOMS.

HOO-HOO!

MORGANA'S
ONTO SOMETHING.

YOU'VE DESTROYED
YEARS OF RESEARCH!

THAT WAS OUR
ENTIRE CROP!

YOU'LL
REGRET THIS!

OH, NO!
AAH!

LIGHT!

OHH!

HELP ME! AAH!

MUSHROOMS?

THEY WERE...

MUSHROOMS?

ANOTHER UNFORTUNATE
SIDE EFFECT.

YOUR STORM SAVED
OUR LIVES,

BUT I HAVE TO
TURN YOU OVER
TO THE POLICE

AS THE PIZZA TOPPING
THIEF.

OH, DARK, I'M AFRAID
THAT WON'T BE POSSIBLE.

OH, MORGANA,
DON'T BE LIKE THIS.

WHOA!

HOLD ON, D.W.!

I REALLY CAN'T STAY,

BUT I'M SURE
WE'LL MEET AGAIN.

[KISS]

GOODBYE, DARK.

GOODBYE, MORG.

WOMEN--NOW YA SEE 'EM,
NOW YA DON'T.