Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 42 - Twitching Channels - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

OH, GOOSY, I'M HOME.

WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK AFTER--

FEELING TIRED?
HEADACHY?

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

AND THIS JUST IN--

TODAY'S CONTESTANTS
HAVE WON--

HA HA! I'VE DONE IT!

I'VE DONE IT!

OH, YES, YES!

THEY CALLED ME
CRAZY AND INSANE,

THEY CALLED ME LOONY!

THEY WERE RIGHT.

NOW, MY FELLOW
ILLUMINARIES...

I PRESENT YOU WITH...

THE ELECTROLYZER!

[APPLAUDING]

THANK YOU.

OH, LIGHTEN UP!

I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW IT WORKS.

OHH...

NOW, A FEAT

NEVER BEFORE
ATTEMPTED BY
A MAD GENIUS--

I BECOME
A REAL LIVE WIRE!

WHOA! WHOA!
HEY! WHOA!

I'M BEING SWEPT AWAY

BY THE CURRENT! WHOA!

THAT WAS KIND OF FUN!

BOY, IT'S DARK.

I CAN'T SEE
WHERE I'M GO--

WHOA! HEY! I BETTER
GET OUT OF HERE!

NOW WHERE AM I?

A TV SET?

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO BREAK INTO TELEVISION.

BY ADJUSTING MY FREQUENCY,
I CAN TRAVEL

THROUGH THE AIRWAVES.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

HERE'S...

MEGAVOLT!

THANK YOU.

NO APPLAUSE,
JUST SEND MONEY.

BETTER YET,
I'LL JUST HELP MYSELF.

HA HA HA HA!

AND NOW,
CHILLER DILLER THEATER

PRESENTS
THE TERRIFYING MOVIE,

IT CAME FROM
THE TELEVISION SET!

AAH!

HELLO, THERE.

I'D LIKE TO PLACE
AN ORDER TO GO.

I'LL TAKE FIVES, TENS,

AND A LARGE ORDER
OF TWENTIES!

UH, THANK YOU AND...
COME AGAIN.

YOU'LL LOVE OUR
SUPER SCREEN TELEVISION.

THE PICTURE
JUMPS OUT AT YOU.

YOU SOLD ME!

IT'S A CRIME WHAT
THEY PUT ON TV.

[GRUNTING]

HERE, DRAKE-AROONI,

LET ME GET THE DOOR!

THANKS.

[GRUNT] HEY!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
HOLDING THE OTHER...

SIDE.

WHAT'S IN HERE?

HOO HOO HOO HOO!

WAIT'LL YOU SEE!

IT'S THE NEW,
STATE-OF-THE-ART, TURBO...

REMOTE CONTROL?

NOT JUST ANY
REMOTE CONTROL.

A TURBO TECHNIC
REMOTE CONTROL!

I'LL NEVER NEED
TO GET UP

FROM THE COUCH AGAIN!

IT'LL OPERATE MY STEREO...

[STEREO BLARES]

POP MY POPCORN
SOMETHING FIERCE...

GAAH!

IT'LL EVEN
CLEAN UP AFTER ME!

YOW!

HEY, GET BACK!

WHOA! DOWN, BOY!

OUCH!

PRETTY NIFTY,
EH, DRAKESTER?

MMPHF!

YEAH...NIFTY.

IT TAKES THE WORK
OUT OF WATCHING TV.

RIGHT. THAT'S
JUST WONDERFUL.

SORRY I CAN'T STAY,

BUT--HEY!

MEGAVOLT!

"ELECTRICAL CONNECTIONS"
FOR $500, ALEX.

MEGAVOLT ON TV?

I CAN'T EVEN GET
ON TALK RADIO.

WHAT ELSE IS ON?

SUPERVILLIANS AND
THEIR LOVED ONES--

ON TODAY'S
OPAL WINDBAG SHOW.

MEGAVOLT AGAIN?

TODAY WE'LL BE MAKING
"TURKEY THE MEGAVOLT WAY."

SOME PREFER BAKING.

I PREFER TO MICROWAVE.

BON APPETIT!

GIVE ME THAT!

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

DON'T CHANGE
THE CHANNEL.

I'M ON THEM ALL!

BOO.

YAAH!

WOW!
A TURBO TECHNIC REMOTE!

I'LL TAKE IT!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK...

WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT!

HE--HE STOLE
MY TURBO TECHNIC!

DON'T WORRY, I'LL GET
THAT LOW-WATTAGE WORM.

YOU?

I MEANT
I'D FIND SOMEONE

TO GET THAT
LOW-WATTAGE WORM.

YEAH.

I CAN EASILY
TRACK MEGAVOLT'S
TRANSMISSION,

ESPECIALLY
SINCE HE'S

ON EVERY CHANNEL.

COME ON, FOLKS,

KEEP THOSE PHONES
RINGING!

REMEMBER, YOUR PLEDGE MONEY
KEEPS ME ON THE AIR

AND OUT OF YOUR HOMES.

[BEEP]

AHA!

THE TRANSMISSION SOURCE!

YAAH!
YAAH!
YAAH!

I THINK I'D BETTER

ADJUST MY RECEPTION.

AHH! MUCH BETTER!

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!

I AM THE LOW RATING
THAT CANCELS YOUR PROGRAM!

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

YEAH? WELL, DUCK THIS!

HA!

I'M PREPARED FOR YOUR
HIGH-VOLTAGE VILLAINY.

A PLUNGER?

WHAT WILL YOU DO,
UNCLOG MY SINK?

NO...

JUST REMOVE
A HAIRBALL.

EAT WATTAGE, DARKWING!

OHH...

TIME TO RETURN TO MY
REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

AAH, AAH, AAH...
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL!

WHOA!
WHOA!

I MAY NOT HAVE
MY TURBO TECHNIC
REMOTE CONTROL,

BUT I CAN
CHANGE CHANNELS

WITHOUT GETTING
OFF THE COUCH.

THE OLD
AND THE WORTHLESS.

DARLING,
WE MUST STOP
MEETING LIKE THIS!

WHAT IF ROB
FINDS OUT?

HE'LL TELL JIM,
AND JIM WILL--

ENOUGH, ALREADY!

AHA!

UH-OH.

COME BACK,
YOU MELODRAMATIC
MISCHIEF-MAKER!

NOW IT'S TIME
TO MEET OUR FRIEND...

MR. ELECTRON.

YOU'RE NOT MR. ELECTRON.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M MR. ELECTROSHOCK!

YOW!

OOH! A KENCHELIAN

TRANSMUTONIC
ATOM SPLITTER!

JUST LIKE ONE
I HAD AS A KID.

WITH THIS I CAN TRAP
DARKWING DUNCE

IN A FEEDBACK LOOP!

HE'LL SUCK STATIC
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY!

SORRY TO PREEMPT
YOUR PATHETIC
LITTLE PROGRAM.

IS IT SUPPOSED
TO DO THAT?

NO!

I THOUGHT NOT.

OOF!
OOF!

NOW WHAT TV SHOW
ARE WE IN?

TV SHOW?

YAAH!

YIPE! MONSTERS!

YAAH!

I'M IN A LAND OF HIDEOUS
BEAKLESS MUTANTS!

YAAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

OH, I HATE THESE
WEEKEND SALES!

HA! I GUESS I SHOWED THEM
A THING OR TWO!

WOW! THAT'S
THE BIGGEST DUCK
I'VE EVER SEEN!

THINK IT'S REAL?

WELL, OF COURSE
I'M REAL!

HEY!

IT'S
DARKWING DUCK!

WOW!
COOL!

YOU--YOU KNOW ME?

EVERYONE KNOWS YOU!

THE TERROR THAT FLAPS!

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!

SUCK GAS, EVILDOERS!

DARKWING DUCK
IS EVERYBODY'S
FAVORITE SUPERHERO!

YEAH. CAN I HAVE
YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

OH, PLEASE!

AUTOGRAPHS?

W-WELL, SURE.
OF COURSE.

WHAT'S WITH LAUNCHPAD?

DOES HE EVER
CHANGE CLOTHES,

OR DO THEY ALL
LOOK THE SAME?

WELL...

WHERE'S GOSALYN?

OH, SHE'S--

AS DRAKE MALLARD,

WHAT JOB
DO YOU HAVE?

HOW DO YOU
PAY YOUR BILLS?

YOU KNOW
MY SECRET IDENTITY?

EASY.
WE WATCH--

IT'S STARTING!
COME ON!

OOF! WILL SOMEONE
PLEASE TELL ME

WHAT IS GOING O...

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

HEY, THAT'S ME!

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

I'M ON TELEVISION!
I'M--I'M...

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

I'M A CARTOON?

OH, WELL.
THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ DARKWING,
DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER
OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND... ♪♪

THEY DRAW
MY BEAK WRONG.

THAT BILL IS HUGE!

DARKWING DUCK
WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

AWW!
AWW!
AWW!

LET'S HIT
THE TOY STORE!

YEAH! COME ON!

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

THE PLOT THICKENS.

FEAR NOT, CITIZEN!

DARKWING DUCK
WILL SAVE YOU!

I'M A TOY?

I'M A T-SHIRT?

I'M A BOARD GAME?

FINALLY I GET THE RESPECT
I SO APTLY DESERVE.

IN ST. CANARD
I'M JUST A NUT
IN A MASK AND CAPE.

HERE I'M MEDIA!

I'M MERCHANDISING!

I'M FASHION!

AND I'M--I'M...

I'M NOT GETTING
A PENNY OF THIS.

SOMEONE'S MAKING
A FORTUNE OFF ME!

WHO MAKES THESE
DARKWING DUCK CARTOONS?

EVERYONE KNOWS
E. THADDEUS ROCKWELL
MAKES THE CARTOONS.

WELL,
METHINKS IT'S TIME

TO PAY A VISIT
TO MR. ROCK--

THE SHOW'S
BACK ON!

RUN!

WELL, YOU REALLY
CAN'T BLAME THEM.

IT'SMY SHOW THEY'RE
RUSHING TO SEE.

EXECHIBGOOWHA?

LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE

MAKING MONEY OFF ME.

THEY CAN'T EVEN
DRAW MY BEAK RIGHT!

THAT'S BIG ENOUGH
TO LAND PLANES ON.

I'M HERE
TO SEE ROCKWELL.

YOU NEED AN APPOINTMENT.

I DON'T NEED AN APPOINTMENT.
I'M DARKWING DUCK!

I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS
FROM A CARTOON STUDIO.

HAVE A NICE TRIP.
DO WRITE!

O.K., CROSBY,
HERE'S THE STORY--

DARKWING GOES TO AN ISLAND
INHABITED BY GORILLAS AND...

AND WHAT,
MR. ROCKWELL, SIR?

AND YOU'RE THE WRITER.

THINK OF SOMETHING!

I'M TOO BUSY

WORKING ON MY PUTTING.

CROSBY...PLACES!

YES, SIR,
MR. ROCKWELL, SIR.

I LOVE THIS BUSINESS.

[GULP]

NICE SHOT!

WHAT ARE YOU?

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT,

THE AUDITOR THAT
CHECKS YOUR BOOKS!

I'M DARKWING DUCK!

WHERE'S MY SHARE
OF THE PROFITS?

NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

ANY PROFIT
BELONGS TO ME.

I CREATED YOU.

THAT'S GOING TO
SURPRISE THE HECK
OUT OF MOM AND DAD.

I'LL TAKE
MY LIFE STORY

TO ANOTHER
CARTOON STUDIO.

MI AMIGO! COMPADRE!

SNOOKIE-POO!

PARTNER!

ER, YEAH, YEAH.

HOW DID YOU
CREATE ME?

IT ALL STARTED

A LONG TIME AGO.

I WAS A STRUGGLING WRITER.

BUT AFTER A FEW
MINOR SETBACKS...

I SENT AWAY

FOR THIS ALPHA WAVE
FEEDBACK KIT,

GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU
MORE CREATIVE.

THAT'S WHAT IT SAID
ON THE CEREAL BOX.

BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG.

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS
IN THE NIGHT!

I AM THE WINGED
SCOURGE...

AND THE REST
IS CARTOON HISTORY.

HE TUNED IN
TO YOUR WORLD.

YOU DICTATE
MY ADVENTURES
TO WRITERS

AND HOG THE CREDIT.

GIVE ME MY PROFITS,

DIRECT ME BACK HOME,

AND I'LL BE OFF.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU GET HOME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I THINK HE MEANS
YOU'RE STUCK HERE...

FOREVER.

OH, I SEE...
FOREVER.

WELL, THAT'S NOT
SUCH A LONG--

FOREVER?

OHH!

WHY SO GLUM, CHUM?

THIS IS THE START
OF SOMETHING BIG!

THROUGH-THE-ROOF-BIG
ORBIG BIG?

PICTURE THIS--
A MULTICITY TOUR,

RECORD ALBUMS,

TALK SHOW
APPEARANCES!

DARKWING DUCK
WILL BE NUMBER ONE
FOREVER!

BUCK UP, DARK.

THE HUMAN WORLD'S
NOT SO BAD.

WE'LL GET YOU A HOUSE
WITH A NICE POND.

WHY DON'T I JUST
LIVE IN THE PARK?

THATWOULD CUT DOWN
ON MY OVERHEAD.

BUT WITHOUT
SUPERVILLAINS
TO DEFEAT

OR A CITY
TO PROTECT, I'M...

NORMAL.

EXCUSE ME, MR. ROCKWELL.

THE POLICE WONDERED
IF YOU WERE STAGING
ANOTHER PUBLICITY STUNT.

THE CITY REMAINS
UNDER SIEGE

BY SOMEONE DRESSED
AS MEGAVOLT

FROM THAT EXTREMELY
POPULAR CARTOON SERIES

DARKWING DUCK.

POLICE ARE HELPLESS

AGAINST THIS MENACE.

ALAS, THERE SEEMS
TO BE NOBODY

TO SAVE OUR CITY
FROM DESTRUCTION.

OH, YES, THERE IS.

GENTLEMEN...

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!

EAT SPARKS,

YOU WEIRD-NOSED FREAKS!

COOL IT, MEGAVOLT!

I'M HERE TO PULL YOUR PLUG,
YOU POWER-PILFERING PARASITE!

DARKWING DUCK?
THANK EDISON!

THIS IS A TRICK, RIGHT?

HELP!

I'LL NEVER ZAP AGAIN
IF YOU TAKE ME HOME!

PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE!

GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!

DON'T RUIN YOUR REPUTATION
AS A VILLAIN...

OR MINE
AS A CRIME FIGHTER.

I HAVE A TV SHOW HERE.
YOU'RE IN IT.

THEY DRAW
MY NOSE WRONG.

HOW CAN WE GET HOME?

ISN'T THERE
A YELLOW BRICK ROAD
WE COULD FOLLOW?

IT'S NO USE!

[SOBBING]

I TRIED USING
THIS ANTENNA

TO RETURN
TO ST. CANARD,

BUT I CAN'T FIND
THE RIGHT FREQUENCY.

I GUESS WE'LL NEVER
GET BACK TO ST. CANARD.

AU CONTRAIRE,
MON FRERES!

YOU WANT ST. CANARD?

I'LL GIVE YOU
ST. CANARD!

SEVEN DAYS A WEEK

WITH MATINEES
ON WEEKENDS.

"AH, ST. CANARD!

ONLY I CAN..."

ONLYI CA--

I'LL NEVER
GET THIS RIGHT!

WHO WROTE THIS?

THEY'RE TRYING
TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!

WHOA!

GAAH!

WHAT ARE THESE WIRES FOR?
I CAN'T FLY.

LIVE SHOWS
NEED MORE OOMPH!

I'LL GIVE YOU OOMPH!

I HATE THIS!

CAN'T I USE
MY OWN LIGHTNING?

I'LL LIGHT UP
BROADWAY
ALL BY MYSELF!

[COUGHING]

SORRY, MEGS--

FIRE REGULATIONS.

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE,
IT'S SHOWTIME!

AH, ST. CANARD...

AND ONLY I CAN--

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

OH!

AHEM.

AH, ST. CANARD!

ONLY I CAN PROTECT
IT FROM HARM!

ONLY I CAN BRING
ITS TOTAL DESTRUCTION.

LOUDER!

ONLY I CAN BRING
IT'S TOTAL DESTRUCTION!

[GIVING DARKWING
THE RASPBERRY]

YEEOUCH!

AAH! WHOA! AAK!

OOF! WHOAAH!

AAH!

WILL THAT BE
PAPER OR PLASTIC?

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

YOU HEAR THAT?
THEY LOVE IT!

AND IT USES
THE SAME STORY
EVERY NIGHT.

I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR
THAT SILLY HELMET!

THE HELMET...OF COURSE!

THIS HELMET IS TUNED
TO OUR DIMENSION.

WE'LL USE ITS FREQUENCY
TO GET US HOME!

CAREFUL!

WITHOUT THAT HELMET,

I CAN'T MAKE
NEW EPISODES!

YOU COULD TRY
BEING ORIGINAL.

ORIGINAL?

YOU MEAN ACTUALLY
THINK UP IDEAS?

ARE YOU A LUNATIC?

THERE...
THAT SHOULD DO IT!

I CAN'T WAIT
TO ROB BANKS

AND TERRORIZE
THE POPULACE!

I CAN'T WAIT
TO STOP YOU.

OOH, THAT'S
SO LIKE YOU!

OF COURSE,
YOU CAN'T STOP ME

IF YOU'RE NOT THERE!

WAAH!

THIS IS CALLED
A DOUBLE-CROSS.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

YOU DIDN'T SAY GOODBYE!

G-G-GAAH!

MY HELMET!

MY PRECIOUS HELMET--
IT'S RUINED!

I'M RUINED!

RUINED!

RUINED!

TOO RIGHT, DALE!
WE'LL FINISH THIS CASE

IN TWO SHAKES
OF A DINGO'S TAIL!

RIGHT, MONTY!
RESCUE RANGERS AWAY!

RESCUE RANGERS?

NOW THERE'S
A CARTOON SHOW!

MMM, BOY HOWDY!

SITTING CLOSE
TO THE TV

MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE
PART OF THE ACTION.

ALL RIGHT,
MEGAVOLT,

IT'S TIME TO CANCEL
YOUR CRIME SPREE!

NOT WHILE I STILL HAVE
MY ELECTROLYZER!

HA HA HA HA!

GOTCHA!

WAIT! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!

HELP ME!

NOW, OFF TO
POLICE HEADQUARTERS!

THEN I GOT TO GET
TO A TOY COMPANY.