Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 16 - Can't Bayou Love - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

NOW I'LL BE SHOWING SLIDES

OF THE ENDANGERED SPECIES
YOU'VE HELPED

BY DONATING TO OUR
"SAVE THE BAYOU FOUNDATION."

WE WERE FORTUNATE
TO GET THIS PHOTO

OF THE RARE YELLOWTAILED
BAYOU WATER MOCCASIN.

NOTICE--

[GRRR]

AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
AAH!

OUT OF MY WAY, GUMBO!

SO YOU'RE DOING
A BENEFIT FOR THE BAYOU.

WELL, I'M JAMBLAYA JAKE,
BAYOU BORN AND BRED.

OOH, THAT MONEY GOING
TO BENEFIT ME REAL GOOD!

OOH, I GUARANTEE!

KEEP AWAY,
YOU DISGUSTING BRUTE!

FLATTERY
GETS YOU NOWHERE.

GIVE ME THAT!

HELP!

YUM, YUM, YUM!

ALL RIGHT, WOMAN.

YOU GOING
TO GET IT NOW.

PTOOEY!

EASIER THAN TAKING CATFISH
FROM A TURTLE.

JUMPING CRAWDADDIES!

IT MUST BE EATING TIME!

AHH...

I'M THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE SCOURGE

THAT PECKS
AT YOUR NIGHTMARES AND...

LAUNCHPAD,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S A BIRDIE.

WANT TO SEE MY DOGGIE?
ARF! ARF!

LAUNCHPAD!

SORRY, D.W.

AHEM.

I AM THE TERROR...

THAT HORRIBLE MAN'S
GETTING AWAY
WITH THE DONATIONS!

I KNOW THAT.

I'M THE TERROR--
OH, NEVER MIND!

EAT DARTS,
SWAMP BREATH!

LET GO OF MY MONEY!

WAY TOO SMALL.

I'LL HAVE TO
THROW THIS ONE
BACK...INTO JAIL.

ON BEHALF OF ALL
THE ENDANGERED SPECIES
EVERYWHERE,

I'D LIKE TO THANK---

I'LL MAKE AN ENDANGERED
SPECIES OUT OF THAT CROOK.

HEAD FOR THE SWAMP,
GUMBO!

TIME TO DO
SOME LEAPFROGGING.

COME ON NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPEN
IF'N THESE CITY FOLK
CATCH YOU.

THOSE POOR RUBES
HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE.

[SNIFF SNIFF]

UH-OH.

YIII!

NOBODY WILL BE ASKING
FOR SECONDS ON PUNCH.

THIS CITY WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE EASY PICKINGS.

THAT'S WHY US BAYOU
BAD APPLES MOVED HERE...

TO SHOW CITY FOLK WHATBAD
IS ALL ABOUT, RIGHT?

SO WHAT HAPPENS
FIRST JOB WE PULL?

IT'S RUINATED
BY SOME LOWDOWN,
CRIMEFIGHTING CRITTER,

FLITTERING AROUND
LIKE A LOUISIANA FRUIT FLY.

HE BETTER STAY
ON HIS SIDE OF THE SWAMP.

'CAUSE NEXT TIME HE MESS
WITH JAMBLAYA JAKE

BE THE LAST TIME,

I GUARANTEE.

SOMEWHERE A SWAMP FIEND
AND HIS LARGE ALLIGATOR

WAIT FOR THEIR CHANCE,

BUT ST. CANARD CAN SLEEP

BECAUSE DARKWING DUCK
IS WATCHING.

NO MATTER WHERE THEY HIDE,

DARKWING DUCK
WILL SMOKE THEM OUT.

THE CITY'S ON FIRE!

IT'S ABLAZE!

CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!
CALL THE POLICE!

CALL MY INSURANCE COMPANY!

HOW ABOUT
A BROWNIE, D.W.?

Y-Y-YOU BAKED THEM?

AND YOU USED THE RECIPE,
RIGHT?

GOT IT FROM
THE GULPING GOURMET
ON TV.

OF COURSE
I IMPROVISED
A LITTLE.

AHH...

YOU READY FOR ANOTHER?

NO THANKS, LAUNCHPAD.
I'M ON A LIQUID DIET.

[GUMBO GROANS]

A LITTLE MORE,
GUMBO.

COME ON, NOW.
COME ON, GUMBO.

THIS JUICY CATFISH
FIXED JUST THE WAY
YOU LIKE IT.

[MUMBLES]

GUMBO, IF I WANT SHOES,

YOUR HIDE WILL BE
IN TROUBLE RIGHT NOW.

QUIT FOOLING AROUND.

LET'S GET SOME LEAN GREEN.

THIS IS EASIER THAN
PICKING A POSSUM'S POCKET.

YOU BE
THE ALLIGATOR BAGMAN.

HA HA HA!

[COUGHS]

YOU?

HOW YOU TRACK US DOWN?

YOU SWAMP RATS NEVER HEARD
OF BURGLAR ALARMS?

I'M TAKING YOU IN...

IF I CAN FIND
A CELL SMALL ENOUGH.

DON'T WORRY, D.W.

THEY'LL NEVER
GET PAST ME.

WELL, AT LEAST
I SAVED THE CASH.

SOMEBODY DIDN'T PAY
THEIR ELECTRICITY BILL.

NO PROBLEM,
LAUNCHPAD.

DARKWING DUCK
THRIVES IN THE DARK.

DARKWING DUCK
FLOURISHES IN THE--

OW! OW! OOH!

UNFORTUNATELY, DARKWING DUCK
CAN'T SEE IN THE DARK.

FORTUITOUSLY, I HAVE

MY EMERGENCY
MAGNOFLAME POCKET LIGHTER.

YOUR LIGHTER TURNED ON
THE FIRE SPRINKLERS.

WILL THAT HELP US
IN THE DARK?

THAT'S THE STRAW THAT BROKE
THE BULLFROG'S BACK.

NOBODY MAKE A FOOL
OUT OF JAMBLAYA JAKE ONCE

OR THE NUMBER AFTER ONCE,
WHATEVER IT BE.

YES, SIR, WE'RE GOING
TO FIX HIM GOOD,

BUT WE GOING TO DO IT
JAMBLAYA JAKE STYLE,

BY STALKING
AND SETTING A TRAP.

AND THEN...

WHOO! I FEEL SOME BIG FUN
COMING ON, EH, GUMBO?

I WISH YOU'D GIVE
THESE BROWNIES
A SECOND CHANCE.

MAYBE WHEN I NEED
GRENADES.

[ALARM]

BURGLAR ALARM!

WE'RE GOING TO OUTSMART
THAT CITY BOY

WITH ONE OF HIS OWN
BURGLARY ALARMS.

THERE.
THAT JEWELRY STORE.

WE'LL TRAP HIM
AND USE HIM FOR BAIT

TO HOOK
PAPA CRAWDADDY.

IT'S COMING
FROM THAT ALLEY.

THE NIMBLE DARKWING
IS FINELY TUNED TO DANGER,

TURNS IN PURSUIT
OF THE PERNICIOUS
PERPETRATOR AND--

HEY, MY BROWNIE!

WELL, THAT'S
THE LAST JEWELRY HEIST

THAT CAT'S
EVER GOING TO PULL.

WHOO!

BOY, THIS HERE SMELLS WORSE
THAN BEAVER INNARDS.

NEVER MIND, GUMBO.

NOW WE'RE GOING TO
BAIT OUR TRAP.

I'LL TEACH YOU
TO FOLLOW HIS SCENT.

YOU GOT TO
HUNKER DOWN LOW

SO'S YOU DON'T
LOSE THE SMELL.

WHEN HONKER AND GOSALYN
GET BACK FROM SUMMER CAMP,

THEY'LL LOVE
THESE BROWNIES...

IF I DON'T
EAT THEM ALL MYSELF.

NOBODY LIKES THEM
AS MUCH AS YOURS TRULY.

AHH... MUST BE TIME
FOR BEDDY-BYE.

I'M HEARING THINGS.

I'LL GRAB
A FEW OF THESE
FOR A NIGHTCAP.

[GROWL]

I BETTER CUT DOWN
ON THE SUGAR.

[GROWL]

WHOO-BOY! TIME TO SNAG ME
SOME CRAWDAD BAIT.

HEY, WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA?

HEY, HEY!

SON OF A GUN!

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
SOME BIG FUN TONIGHT.

YUM!

WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION
ABOUT?

WHOA!

ALLIGATOR FOOTPRINTS...

AND PIECES
OF LAUNCHPAD'S SCARF.

EITHER LAUNCHPAD'S
BREAKING IN

A PAIR OF ALLIGATOR SHOES,

OR SWAMP SHRIMP HAS HIM.

HELP!

THERE GOES THE SHOE THEORY.

HANG ON, LAUNCHPAD!

AHA! THOSE BAYOU BADDIES
JUST MADE A BOO-BOO.

HEH HEH.
THAT ALLEY'S A DEAD END.

JAMBLAYA JAKE,

HAND OVER LAUNCHPAD
AND GIVE YOURSELF UP.

THERE'S NO ESCAPE
FROM DARKWING...

DUCK?

WHERE'D THEY GO?
LET'S SEE...

THEY CAME IN,
IT'S A DEAD END,

THEREFORE, THEY COULDN'T
HAVE ESCAPED, UNLESS...

IT'S AS SIMPLE
AS THE BEAK ON MY FACE.

THEY'VE DOUBLED BACK.

I'LL TRIPLE BACK ON THEM
AND HEAD THEM OFF.

THIS JAMBLAYA JAKE

HAS MORE ON THE BALL
THAN I THOUGHT.

AAH!

HAH!

STUPID CATS.

I'M REAL GLAD
I FOUND THIS PLACE.

I GOT A SPECIAL KINSHIP
WITH THE REPTILE...

'CAUSE I'M SUCH A SNAKE.

NO ARGUMENT THERE.

NOW, GRANNY'S
SPECIAL TONIC

WILL MAKE SURE
YOU STAY PUT
WHEN I'M GONE.

HA HA HA!
ME-O, MY-O!

THAT WHAT WE CALL
A BAYOU MILK SHAKE.

NOW, SEE HERE, GUMBO.

HE MOVES,
YOU JUMP ON THIS.

I'M PLAYING CHICKEN
CAJUN-STYLE

WITH DARKWING DUCK.

IF LAUNCHPAD'S BEING HELD,
DARKWING DUCK WILL FIND HIM.

NO PIGEON FLIES
THAT HE DOESN'T NOTICE.

NOTHING ESCAPES HIS--

AAH!

WHOO-BOY!

JUST LIKE SKIPPING
GRANNY'S FLAPJACKS
ACROSS THE BAYOU.

YOU BEEN MESSING UP
MY FISHING, BOY,

AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

WE'LL SEE HOW YOU ARE
AT HUNTING--

FOR YOUR FRIEND.

LOOK. YOU'LL FIND
ALL THE CLUES YOU NEED.

CLOTHES?

WHY WOULD YOU HELP ME
FIND LAUNCHPAD?

BECAUSE
WHILE YOU HUNT FOR HIM,

I'M GOING
TO BE HUNTING YOU.

THESEMUST BE LAUNCHPAD'S.

[GROWL]

EASY, BOY.

HEH HEH HEH.

EASY.

NICE GATOR. NICE BOY.

WANT A BROWNIE?

HERE YOU ARE.

HEY, YOU LIKE THEM!

YOU CAN'T BE ALL BAD...

BUT YOU'RE CLOSE TO BAD.

WHEW! I HOPE LAUNCHPAD
DOESN'T CATCH COLD.

WHAT A DUMP!

HA HA HA!

THIS BE MORE FUN
THAN STOMPING SCOUTS.

"SEE A PENNY,
PICK IT UP.

ALL DAY LONG
YOU'LL HAVE GOOD LUCK."

I'M DEVELOPING
A GRUDGING RESPECT

FOR JAMBLAYA JAKE.

THAT BOY MUST BE
PART ARMADILLO.

THIS CALLS FOR
A PERSONAL TOUCH.

HEY, NOW, CITY BOY.

LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY?

WATCH OUT
FOR THAT WET CEMENT.

OLDEST TRICK
IN THE BOOK.

BESIDES,
MY SIXTH SENSE
TELLS ME

THAT'S NOT CEMENT
AT ALL.

YOU'RE TOO SMART FOR ME.

IT AIN'T CEMENT.

THAT'S GRANNY'S
FAVORITE RECIPE--

GENUINE 100%
LOUISIANA QUICKSAND.

BYE-BYE, CITY BOY.

THE SAND MAY BE QUICK,
BUT DARKWING DUCK'S QUICKER.

ESCAPE'S MY MIDDLE NAME.

BY MANEUVERING
TO THE RIGHT,

THAT ROOF
SHOULD BREAK MY FALL.

AND I WISH THE FALL
WAS ALL THAT GOT BROKEN.

HERE'S A LITTLE TRICK
FROM UNDER THE BAYOU.

WHOO-BOY!

WRAPPED UP TIGHTER
THAN HAND-ME-DOWN BOOTS.

JAMBLAYA JAKE
DOESN'T REALIZE

HE MADE
TWO MISCALCULATIONS--

1--I CAN UNTIE THIS ROPE.

2--THIS WOODEN BOX
HAS NO ROOF.

SO'S I CAN
POUR THE CEMENT IN.

REAL BIG-CITY CEMENT
THIS TIME.

FAST DRYING, TOO.

YOU SURE WON'T BE
GIVING ME TROUBLE,
CITY BOY!

HA HA HA!

NO, YOU AIN'T,
I GUARANTEE.

I'M STUCK IN CEMENT.
NO PROBLEM.

IF I CAN JUST REACH
MY THERMIC HAND GRENADE...

THE DAUNTLESS DARKWING DUCK
EMERGES ONCE AGAIN,

UNSCATHED FROM HIS CONCRETE
STRAIT JACKET.

SINGED, BUT TRIUMPHANT.

[GRRR]

NICE GATOR.
HEH HEH HEH.

GOOD BOY.

HEY, NOW!

YOU STOP TRYING
TO FEED MY GATOR.

THANKS.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

I THOUGHT
IT'D BE FUN
TO BLOW YOU UP.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,

YOU'LL HAVE TO ANSWER
TO DARKWING DUCK.

I DON'T THINK SO.
THAT'S ONE DEAD DUCK.

WRONG AGAIN, JAKE,
I GUARANTEE.

WELL, I'LL BE FROGTIED
AND POSSUM-WHIPPED.

D.W.!

WHEW! TALK ABOUT
A LUCKY BREAK.

LUCKY? YOU KNOW WHAT 8 x 10
GLOSSIES COST THESE DAYS?

WHERE'D THAT
SPICY SHRIMP GO?

I THINK HE GOT AWAY.

COULD THIS DAY
POSSIBLY GET WORSE?

[COUGHING]

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
THEY'RE HIDING
DOWN HERE, D.W.?

YOU GET A WHIFF OF HIM?

HE'S GOT TO BE HERE.

HEY, LOOK, D.W.

I HAD ONE BROWNIE LEFT.

GIVE IT HERE.

YOU EATING IT?

NO. I'M OUT OF GRENADES.

SOMETHING TELLS ME
WE'RE GETTING
VERY CLOSE

TO JAMBLAYA JAKE'S
HIDEOUT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

YOUR CRIMEFIGHTER'S
INTUITION?

YOUR SUPERIOR INTELLECT?

NO. I FEEL IT
IN MY FOOT.

GET IT OFF!

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE STEPPING.
ESPECIALLY IN THE SEWER.

[GROWL]

HELP!

HELP!

DON'T WORRY, LAUNCHPAD.
I'LL--

YOU'LL NOTHING!
YOU GOT PAST
SOME TRAPS,

BUT NOW
WE'LL SETTLE THIS
WITH SOME WRASTLIN'.

WRASTLIN'?

IS THAT ANYTHING LIKE
WRESTLING?

BEFORE WE START,
GOT A COUPLE RULES.

NONE OF THIS...

AND NONE OF THIS.

ESPECIALLY
NONE OF THIS.

OK, I THINK
I GOT ALL THAT.

BUT HOW ABOUT
SOME OF THIS?

AND WHAT ABOUT THIS?

ANY PROBLEM WITH THIS?

IF YOU LIKED THE BROWNIES,
YOU OUGHT TO LOVE THE CHEF.

TIME TO BRING YOU
TO JUSTICE, JAKE.

I GOT YOUR JUSTICE HERE.

HAH!

MISSED!

YOU BE
ONE DEAD DUCK NOW,

I GUARANTEE!

YOUR GUARANTEE
IS OVER WARRANTY.

THAT TRICK
WON'T BE SAVING YOU.

OH, WON'T IT?

I'M THE TERROR
IN THE SEWERS.

NOBODY CALLING JAKE

IN HIS OWN
STOMPING GROUNDS!

HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE STALKED
AND HUNTED?

YOU CAN'T MAKE
JAKE DO

WHAT HE DON'T
WANT TO DO.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT,
BUT I KNOW SOMEONE
THAT CAN.

WHAT YOU GOING TO DO?

YOU'LL SEE.

[WHISTLES]

HEY, GUMBO!
LOOKEE HERE.

STOP! DON'T DO THAT!

HEY, YOU CRAZY GATOR!

I'M NO CATFISH SNACK!

YOU OK, D.W.?

YES, LAUNCHPAD.
AS YOU SEE,

THE JAWS OF DEFEAT

ARE CLOSING UPON
YET ANOTHER CRIMINAL.

UH-OH.
UH-OH.

AAH!

I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT THEM ANYMORE.

I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT,
LAUNCHPAD.

THE FIRST THING
WE'RE GOING TO DO

IS UNSWEETIFY
THAT SWEET TOOTH.

THEN WE'LL GO BACK

AND SHOW THAT CITY BOY
WHO'S TOP GATOR, BAR NONE!

WE CAN NEVER BE SAFE
FROM ANYONE

WHO FIGHTS DARKWING DUCK
TO A STANDSTILL...

AND SURVIVES YOUR BROWNIES.