Daria (1997–2001): Season 3, Episode 8 - Lane Miserables - full transcript
The return of the rest of the Lane family sends Jane, then Trent over to the Morgendorffer household. But a third visitor begins to shatter Daria's illusions of life with Trent.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- I THINK IT'S SO IMPORTANT
FOR A FAMILY TO FIND THE TIME
TO EAT TOGETHER
AND SHARE THEIR DAY.
DID I SHARE WITH YOU HOW MANY
MEETINGS I HAD TO REARRANGE
SO THAT I COULD BE HERE?
NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.
BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT IMPACT
THIS WILL HAVE ON NEGOTIATIONS
I'M NOT AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS.
JAKE, QUINN, DARIA,
THIS ISN'T A LIBRARY.
- DESPITE THE PRESENCE
OF FLUORESCENT LIGHTING
AND UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIRS.
- COME ON; LET'S HAVE
A NICE CHAT.
DARIA, PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?
- WELL, I WAS JUST PONDERING
THE IDEA THAT THE NEGATIVE
WHICH IS THE NOTHINGNESS
OF BEING
AND THE ANNIHILATING POWER
BOTH TOGETHER IS NOTHINGNESS.
- OH, DARIA, THAT WHOLE
"LESS IS MORE" THING IS SO OVER.
ACCESSORIES ARE BACK.
- I JUST DON'T GET IT.
IF BC'S A CAVEMAN, HOW CAN
HE CELEBRATE ASH WEDNESDAY?
- WHY DO I BOTHER?
- NOTHING.
WHAT'S THAT RED STUFF?
- HMM, NOTHING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
- CHERRY SODA?
- NO, IT LOOKS MORE LIKE
CRANBERRY JUICE.
- NOTHING.
- WELL, HI, MOM.
- HEY, MOM.
- WHAT IS THAT,
STRAWBERRY SYRUP?
- I'M GUESSING CRANBERRY JUICE.
- CHERRY SODA.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
WIND, WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TREAT.
- MOM, MOM!
TRENT, JANIE!
IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE EVERYBODY.
SORRY I DIDN'T CALL FIRST,
BUT I HAD TO CLEAR OUT
OF THE HOUSEBOAT IN A HURRY.
- WHEN TIDAL WAVES STRIKE?
- NO, KATIE AND I
ARE SEPARATING FOR A WHILE.
- OH, HONEY, I HOPE
YOU TWO WORK IT OUT.
- ME TOO, MOM.
I MEAN, TWO ALIMONY PAYMENTS
A MONTH ARE ENOUGH.
[laughs]
[cries]
OH, GOD!
I'LL NEVER LEARN HOW TO LOVE.
- IT'S OKAY, SWEETHEART.
WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM.
- UM...
- UH-OH.
- THERE WERE SOME PHONE MESSAGES
I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT.
LET'S SEE.
PENNY'S COMING IN
FROM COSTA RICA.
SOME KIND OF PROBLEM
WITH A VOLCANO.
AND DAD'S FINISHED
TAKING PICTURES
OF CELTIC ROCK FORMATIONS.
HE'S ON HIS WAY BACK TO PRINT.
- WHAT'S THAT WRITTEN
ON YOUR OTHER HAND?
- "CHANGE NAME OF MYSTIK SPIRAL
TO SOMETHING SOMETHING
EXPLOSION."
- HEY, DO I SMELL COOKIES
BAKING?
- NOT BLOODY LIKELY.
- THE KILN!
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
SIS!
CLAUDIA THREW YOU OUT.
- HA HA!
YEAH, BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO.
I THINK YOU MEAN KATIE.
[cries]
YOU... YOU RAN OUT OF PESOS?
- COLONES.
NO, MY NATIVE CRAFT STAND
WAS WIPED OUT.
DAMN LAVA.
- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.
[bird squawks loudly]
- THAT'S CHIQUITO.
HE'S VERY POSSESSIVE.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- THANKS.
I THINK I LEFT MY HOUSE KEYS
IN CANNAMARA.
- YAHOO!
- [sighs]
- GO, YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD!
THREE POINTS, YEAH!
- [sighs more loudly]
- SOMETHING WRONG, HONEY?
- JAKE, DO YOU EVER WORRY
THAT OUR CHILDREN ARE BECOMING
STRANGERS TO US?
- STRANGER THAN US?
WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT US?
HEY!
- I TRY AND TRY TO KEEP THE
CHANNELS OF COMMUNICATION OPEN.
WHAT MORE CAN I DO?
- LOOK UNDER THE MATTRESS
FOR A DIARY?
I MEAN BY ACCIDENT, OF COURSE.
- HONESTLY, JAKE, SOMETIMES
I WONDER IF YOU KNOW EVEN
THE MOST RUDIMENTARY FACTS
ABOUT OUR GIRLS.
HOW OLD IS QUINN?
- 11... ISH?
THAT WAS A GUESSTIMATE.
- JAKE, WHAT'S MY MIDDLE NAME?
- IT'S GOT A "K," RIGHT?
- UGH!
- HONEY, WAIT.
[door slams]
SHOOT, BIG MAN, SHOOT!
- IS YOUR TOLL COLLECTOR
WEARING PANTS, A SKIRT,
OR NOTHING BUT A SMILE?
COLD BREEZE ON THE INTERSTATE
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- HEY, JANE.
HOW LONG HAS THE LIVING ROOM TV
BEEN BROKEN?
- ABOUT TWO YEARS, I GUESS.
- DO YOU MIND IF I WATCH
A SHOW IN HERE?
IT'S KIND OF
A MARITAL EMERGENCY.
- ACTUALLY...
- THANKS.
- WELCOME ONCE AGAIN
TO THE LIVING MARRIAGE,
A HOLISTIC BLUEPRINT FOR LOVING.
- [cries]
OH, KATIE, KATIE, KATIE!
- I THINK I'LL GIVE DARIA
A CALL... DOWNSTAIRS.
PENNY, GOING TO BE LONG?
- BUSINESS.
NO, NO, SEÑOR FINANCE MINISTER.
NECESITO DINERO TO REOPEN
MY BUSINESS.
YOUR VOLCANO WIPED OUT HUNDREDS
OF HAND-FASHIONED TIN
PICTURE FRAMES,
AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW
HOW YOUR GOVERNMENT
INTENDS TO COMPENSATE ME.
- ALL RIGHT, THEN.
TO MY PRIVATE OFFICE.
- NO, SEÑOR, I HAVE NOT BEEN
INHALING VOLCANO DUST.
HELLO?
HELLO?
- SORRY, GOING TO BE A WHILE.
I'M DEVELOPING.
- WHATEVER.
- OH, HONEY?
DON'T DRINK FROM THAT BIG BOTTLE
IN THE KITCHEN.
IT'S SILVER NITRATE.
- IT'S POISONOUS?
- YEAH, AND I NEED IT
FOR MY PRINTS.
- UM, MOM, CAN WE DISCUSS
THIS FAMILY TOGETHERNESS
NIGHTMARE?
WIND'S CRYING ALL OVER MY STUFF,
PENNY'S STARTING A TRADE WAR
IN THE KITCHEN,
AND DAD'S RINSING PRINTS
IN ALL THE TOILETS.
- OH, JANE, EVERYONE
WILL WORK THINGS OUT
IN THEIR OWN WAY
IN THEIR OWN TIME.
REMEMBER
WHEN YOU KIDS WERE YOUNG?
- HOW FAR BACK?
DIAPERS CREEP ME OUT.
- THE TIME TRENT MOVED
INTO A TENT IN THE BACKYARD.
- OH, SURE.
IT WAS MY JOB TO DELIVER
THE SANDWICHES.
- WE JUST LEFT HIM ALONE
FOR SIX MONTHS
UNTIL HE GOT BORED.
SUMMER ONCE ATE ONLY PEZ
FOR A YEAR,
AND LOOK HOW BEAUTIFULLY
SHE TURNED OUT.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU TRY TO HOLD
A BUTTERFLY
TIGHTLY IN YOUR HAND,
IT WILL DIE.
YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO.
AND IF IT COMES BACK,
IT IS TRULY YOURS.
BUT IF IT DOESN'T,
IT NEVER REALLY WAS.
- HOW ABOUT IF YOU TEAR OFF
ITS PRECIOUS LITTLE WINGS?
- [snoring]
[doorbell rings]
HUH?
WHO COULD THAT BE?
- I'M NOT PICKY.
THE MANGER WILL BE FINE.
[rock music playing]
♪ ♪
- [breathing heavily]
JANE!
- [sighs impatiently]
OH, HI, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
- IT'S OKAY;
SPEED WALKERS HAVE THICK SKINS.
JANE, SINCE YOU'RE STAYING
WITH US AND ALL, I THOUGHT,
WELL, YOU'RE DARIA'S
BEST FRIEND,
AND SHE'S... SHE'S SO HARD
TO TALK TO THESE DAYS.
- MAXIMUM OF THREE QUESTIONS.
NO BETRAYALS.
IMMUNITY FROM PROSECUTION.
- AGREED.
DRUGS?
- NOPE, UNLESS YOU COUNT TV.
- DEPRESSED?
- NO, JUST REALISTIC.
- SEX?
OH, THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS.
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE?
- THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.
THE ICE IS GETTING THIN.
NO PLACE TO BE ALONE.
MY HOUSE IS NOT A HOME.
PSYCHIC REFUGEE.
PSYCHIC REFU...
[bird squawks]
THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.
THE ICE IS...
- BUT, DAD, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO.
I TRIED EVERYTHING ON THAT SHOW.
- YOUR MOM AND I HAVE FOUND
ROLE-PLAYING
TO BE A SUPER WAY
TO WORK OUT CONFLICTS.
WE ALSO ENJOY HITTING EACH OTHER
WITH LARGE FOAM RUBBER BATS.
- I'D DO IT,
BUT KATIE ISN'T HERE.
[crying]
- WELL, I'LL BE KATIE.
TRENT, WOULD YOU MIND
BEING THE FLIRTATIOUS GIRL
AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER?
- UH, I GOTTA GO SHARPEN
MY GUITAR PICK.
- OKAY, I'LL GET TRENT'S TENT
OUT OF THE ATTIC.
BYE.
COURTNEY AND ADRIAN
ARE COMING FOR A VISIT.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
- DOES SUMMER KNOW?
- SHE SHOULD, SHOULDN'T SHE?
- WELL, SHE'S KIND OF
THEIR MOTHER.
HAVE YOU SEEN JANIE?
- NO, HON, BUT IF YOU FIND HER,
TELL HER I SAID HI.
- DOESN'T THIS FEEL GREAT?
- UM...
- HAS ANYONE SEEN JANE?
- SHE WAS JUST STANDING THERE
A FEW MINUTES... DAYS AGO.
- AHA!
- GOOD ONE.
[bird squawks]
- HEY, THANKS FOR SETTING
THE TABLE, JANE-O.
- NO PROBLEM.
THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE.
- WELL, I KNOW HOW IT CAN BE,
BEING DRIVEN
FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME,
EVEN IF IT WAS
A DARK, DEPRESSING PLACE,
THE AIR THICK WITH OPPRESSION
AND THE CONSTANT THREAT OF...
- LOOK, A DUCKY.
- HEY, NEAT!
SAY, JANE, I KNOW
YOU'RE DARIA'S BEST FRIEND,
AND, WELL, SHE'S SO HARD
TO TALK TO THESE DAYS.
I WAS WONDERING...
- MAXIMUM OF THREE QUESTIONS,
NO BETRAYALS,
IMMUNITY FROM PROSECUTION,
AND TALK YOUR WIFE INTO FINDING
A NEW SPEED-WALKING ROUTE.
- DONE.
AGE?
- 17.
- UH, HEIGHT?
- 5'2".
- MM-HMM.
- FAVORITE COLOR.
- [together] BLACK.
- OH, THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS.
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE?
- I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD
TEAR OUT A CHAPTER FOR ME.
- SORRY.
LIBRARY BOOK.
- THOSE MILK TRIVIA QUIZZES
ARE REALLY INTERESTING.
I'D LIKE TO TRY CHEWING
SOME OF THIS CUD SOMETIME.
- WHY DON'T THEY JUST PUT
MARMADUKE TO SLEEP?
- WELL, JANE,
SINCE EVERYONE ELSE IS OCCUPIED,
WHY DON'T WE HAVE A LITTLE...
- HEY!
- VITAMIN D, 200%.
VITAMIN A, 100%.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- HEY, DARIA.
JANIE HERE?
- UM, YEAH, HI.
- [sniffs]
SMELLS GOOD.
- TRENT?
- HEY, JANIE.
I JUST STOPPED BY TO TELL YOU
I'LL BE LIVING IN THE TANK
FOR A WHILE.
- THE TANK?
- IT'S A VAN... OR IT WAS ONCE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU PHONE?
- COULDN'T GET NEAR IT.
HEY, IS THAT SPAGHETTI?
IT'S MY FAVORITE.
- ACTUALLY,
IT'S FETTUCINI BOLOGNESE.
- OH, YEAH, THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
IT'S NOT STICKING TOGETHER
AT ALL.
- TRENT, MY MAN, YOU WANT
TO STAY FOR DINNER?
- WELL, IT IS NICE AND WARM
IN HERE, NOT LIKE THE TANK.
I BET YOUR DOORS LOCK TOO.
- TRENT, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO STAY HERE TONIGHT?
- EEP!
WHAT?
- ARE YOU SURE YOU'VE GOT
THE CONCENTRATION FOR THIS GAME?
- HUH?
OF COURSE, WHY?
- WELL, JUST 'CAUSE
YOU'VE ONLY PICKED TWO LETTERS.
- OH.
OH, YEAH.
- YOU'RE AN ARTIST, RIGHT?
- I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO PUSH
THE PAINT AROUND.
WHY?
- ART FASCINATES ME.
- UH-HUH.
- SO IF YOU WERE CONTOURING
THE EYELIDS
OF, OH, SOMEONE WITH,
LET'S SEE, COLORING,
SKIN TONE, AND HAIR COLOR
JUST LIKE MINE,
WOULD YOU GO WITH A DEEP PLUM
OR A RICH MAUVE?
- I'D HAVE TO SEE THE ACTUAL...
- OKAY.
- DON'T TOUCH MY "Q."
- WHAT?
[knocking at door]
- HEY, DARIA?
SEEN JANIE?
I NEED TO BORROW HER TOOTHBRUSH.
- UH, SHE'LL BE BACK
IN A MINUTE.
- GUESS I'LL WAIT.
HEY, COOL ROOM.
- OH, THANKS.
- COMFORTABLE BED.
MARK TWAIN.
HUCKLEBERRY FINN, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- I READ THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL...
I THINK.
- UM, IT'S AN AMERICAN CLASSIC.
- USED TO WATCH HUCKLEBERRY
HOUND WHEN I WAS A KID.
THEY DIDN'T REALLY
HAVE A LOT IN COMMON,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
- UM, NO.
HUCKLEBERRY HOUND
WAS MUCH MORE OF A JOINER.
- YEAH, LOSER.
[both laugh]
WHY DID QUICK DRAW MCGRAW
HANG OUT
WITH THAT FREAKY LITTLE MULE?
- WHOOPS, DIDN'T MEAN
TO INTERRUPT.
- THAT'S OKAY.
HEY, JANIE, I NEED TO BORROW
YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.
- TAKE IT; IT'S A GIFT.
- COOL.
- WOW, KISMET!
WHAT WERE YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
- COMPARATIVE LITERATURE.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- QUINN!
YOUR DATE IS HERE!
WOW, I REALLY DON'T KNOW
MY KIDS.
- HEY, TRENT AROUND?
- OH, YOU'RE FOR... WELL, THEN.
TRENT, YOUR DATE IS HERE!
- THANKS.
SEE YA.
- TRENT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- OUT.
- AND WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?
- LATER.
BYE.
- SOMEONE SHOULD TALK
TO THAT YOUNG MAN
ABOUT THE LIFESTYLE CHOICES
HE'S MAKING.
- EW!
[energetic rock music]
♪ ♪
- DON'T WORRY.
YOU'RE TWICE THE WOMAN SHE IS.
- NO, THAT WOULD BE A SIZE 12.
LISTEN, DARIA, I ALWAYS SAY
THAT JUST BECAUSE A GUY
HAS A GIRLFRIEND,
IT DOESN'T MEAN
HE'S OFF LIMITS.
UNLESS YOU'RE THE GIRLFRIEND.
BY "YOU,"
I MEAN ME, OF COURSE.
REMEMBER THAT.
- MM.
GOT ANY MORE PEARL DROPS
OF WISDOM?
- DARIA, ALL YOU NEED
IS A LITTLE CONFIDENCE.
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND IMAGINE WHAT YOU WANT.
WATCH ME.
- QUINN, LOOKING
INTO YOUR MAUVE-LIDDED EYES
MAKES ME WANT TO GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER DESIRED.
MAY I WORSHIP YOUR HEAVENLY
PERFECTION UNTIL THE END OF TIME
OR UNTIL YOU MEET SOMEONE
BETTER, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST?
- OH, OKAY.
OH, AND COULD YOU GET ME A SODA
IN A CRYSTAL GOBLET?
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
GIVE IT A TRY, DARIA.
JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
AND PICTURE YOUR DREAM EXACTLY
THE WAY IT WILL BE.
- ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T
TRUST YOU ENOUGH
TO CLOSE MY EYES.
TRENT, HONEY, I'M HOME.
- HEY.
- GOOD DAY?
- NOT MUCH HAPPENED.
- DON'T WORRY, TRENT.
I'M SURE MYSTIK SPIRAL
IS ON THE BRINK OF SUCCESS.
- WE REALLY SHOULD
CHANGE THE NAME.
- AND I DON'T MIND
WORKING DOUBLE SHIFTS
AT THE GENE-SPLICING LAB
UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
- FACE IT, DARIA.
WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET
OUR BIG BREAK.
I GOTTA GET A REAL JOB.
UM, I'LL NEED SOME MONEY
TO GET MY TATTOO REMOVED.
- HONEY, WE HAVE
TO SAVE RIGHT NOW.
TRENT JR. NEEDS GLASSES,
THICK ONES.
- DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
EVERY TIME I LOOK
AT THIS STUPID TATTOO,
IT REMINDS ME
HOW I'VE WASTED MY LIFE.
BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP.
I'M DETERMINED TO LIE HERE
ON THE COUCH
UNTIL THINGS TURN AROUND.
- OH, TRENT.
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO THE MAN I MARRIED?
- WE NEVER GOT MARRIED,
REMEMBER?
I OVERSLEPT.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- THAT'S FOR ME.
BYE!
- YOU OKAY THERE,
SISTER-IN-LAW?
- HMM.
I THINK
I JUST GOT OVER SOMETHING.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
[bird squawks]
- HEY, THAT PRINT
TOOK ME FIVE HOURS!
- [crying]
- [sighs]
- WHEE!
WHEE!
- UH, CHILDREN,
THAT'S NOT REALLY A RIDE.
- YOU KIDS GET OFF
THAT POTTERY WHEEL THIS INSTANT.
- SUMMER, YOU'VE COME
TO TAKE THE KIDS HOME?
- WELL, I FIGURED
SINCE I MADE THE TRIP,
I'D STAY A FEW NIGHTS.
- GEE, HOW WAS TODAY'S
PRE-BREAKFAST RUN?
- PRE-BREAKFAST SPEED WALK,
RIGHT, JANE?
- I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL.
- UH, HUH!
- GOOD MORNING, QUINN.
- IF YOU'RE WONDERING
WHY I OVERSLEPT,
IT'S NOT BECAUSE
I WAS OUT LATE OR ANYTHING.
MY ALARM CLOCK
SIMPLY MALFUNCTIONED.
- I CERTAINLY ACCEPT
YOUR CONVINCING EXPLANATION.
- TRENT?
- HMM?
- WHAT TIME DID YOU
GET IN LAST NIGHT?
- UM, MIDNIGHT?
- I DON'T THINK SO, YOUNG MAN.
JAKE, WAS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANTED TO TALK
TO TRENT ABOUT?
- YEAH!
TRENT, WHAT WOULD YOU THINK
IF TONIGHT I TRIED
A LITTLE CHUTNEY SHRIMP?
I'M ITCHING TO BREAK OUT
THE OLD WOK.
- TRENT, I'M AFRAID
THESE CRAZY HOURS YOU KEEP
WILL MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE
FOR YOU TO ADJUST
IF AND WHEN YOU DECIDE
TO GET A JOB
AND JOIN THE REST OF US
IN CONVENTIONAL SOCIETY.
- DOESN'T ANYONE WANT TO KNOW
WHAT UNGODLY HOUR I GOT IN?
- I MEANT TO BE HOME SOONER,
BUT MONIQUE AND I SPENT
FOUR HOURS BREAKING UP.
- YOU GUYS BREAK UP
EVERY OTHER WEEK.
YOU DON'T BELONG TOGETHER.
FIGURE IT OUT.
RIGHT, DARIA?
- UM...
- TRENT, ONE DAY YOU'LL HAVE
YOUR OWN HOME, AND YOU CAN LIVE
ANY WAY YOU CHOOSE.
BUT WHILE YOU'RE UNDER OUR ROOF,
YOUNG MAN,
YOU WILL RESPECT THE RULES
OF THIS HOUSEHOLD.
- YES'M.
- NOW, LET'S DISCUSS
AN APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT
FOR BREAKING CURFEW.
- BUT DON'T I DESERVE
APPROPRIATE PUNISH...
I MEAN, UM, JUST TELL THEM
IF THEY'LL LET IT GO THIS ONCE,
YOU'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
- I'M SORRY I BROKE THE RULES.
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY RULES
AT OUR HOUSE.
RIGHT, JANIE?
- WELL, THERE'S THAT ONE
ABOUT NOT BUILDING A FIRE
IN THE ROOMS
THAT DON'T HAVE FIREPLACES.
- YOU KNOW, I ONCE LIVED
IN A TENT IN THE YARD
FOR SIX MONTHS,
WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO INVITE ME
BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
- OH, DO I KNOW
WHAT THAT'S LIKE,
WAITING FOR
YOUR SO-CALLED LOVED ONES
TO ACKNOWLEDGE
YOUR EXISTENCE,
SITTING ALONE IN THE DARK,
CRAVING THE LOVE
OF A HEARTLESS MAN
WHO KEEPS YOU
IN A CONSTANT STATE
OF FEAR AND...
[doorbell rings]
WHO COULD THAT BE?
- HELLO, HELEN.
- WHY, AMANDA.
I GUESS YOU'VE COME
TO CLAIM YOUR CHILDREN?
- ARE THEY HERE?
- JANE IS FREE TO GO,
BUT TRENT IS GROUNDED.
- OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT.
YOU KNOW, HELEN, IF YOU TRY
TO HOLD A BUTTERFLY
TIGHTLY IN YOUR HAND,
IT WILL DIE.
YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO AND...
YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
I NEED MY HOUSE BACK!
- AMANDA, I MAY HAVE AN IDEA.
[bird squawks]
- WELL, NOW THAT WE'LL ALL
BE LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF
FOR A WHILE,
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE
IF WE SAT DOWN EACH NIGHT,
ATE DINNER TOGETHER,
AND SHARED OUR DAY.
PENNY, KEEP THAT BIRD POINTED
AWAY FROM THE VEGETABLES!
[calmly again] SO WHAT'S NEW?
- WELL, I'M THINKING
OF SWITCHING
FROM HANDCRAFTED
TIN PICTURE FRAMES
TO HANDCRAFTED GECKO SKIN
COIN PURSES.
- YOU STILL THINK
YOUR LITTLE NICKNACKS
ARE GOING TO SAVE THE ECONOMIES
OF THE THIRD WORLD?
- NOW, SUMMER, SOME THINGS
ARE WORTH SAVING.
- AND SOME THINGS
CAN'T BE SAVED,
LIKE MY MARRIAGE!
- IT'S OKAY, WIND.
IT'S FOR THE BEST.
- REALLY?
- BELIEVE ME;
YOU'RE MUCH BETTER OFF.
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- YEAH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT MARRIAGE?
- WELL, I CAN'T SAY I'VE HAD
AS MUCH EXPERIENCE
AS EITHER OF YOU
IN FAILING AT IT.
- WHOA!
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- HEY, GUYS, LIVE AND LET LIVE.
- [together] WE WANT TO GO HOME!
- THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU
RUN AWAY AND DRAG ME BACK
TO THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
I WANT TO BE?
- NOW, HOLD ON A MINUTE.
[all arguing]
- I HAVE SUCH INTERESTING
AND ARTICULATE CHILDREN.
- [children sobbing]
- AND GRANDCHILDREN.
- SO ONCE AGAIN, THE WANDERING
LANES SCATTER TO PARTS UNKNOWN
AS TRENT AND I RETURN
TO THE BENIGN NEGLECT
THAT HAS SERVED US SO WELL
IN THE PAST.
- I GUESS NO MATTER WHAT STYLE
PARENTS YOU HAVE,
THEY WILL INEVITABLY
DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
- WELL SAID, AMIGA.
AND SO ADIOS.
- WELL, IT WAS FUN.
- YEAH.
UH, SORRY YOUR DATE
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
- JANIE'S RIGHT;
MONIQUE AND I
JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE.
TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT
A FEW YEARS OLDER, HUH?
I COULD TAKE YOU OUT.
[laughs]
[coughs]
SEE YA.
DARIA, YOU'RE THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
- DAMN.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- I THINK IT'S SO IMPORTANT
FOR A FAMILY TO FIND THE TIME
TO EAT TOGETHER
AND SHARE THEIR DAY.
DID I SHARE WITH YOU HOW MANY
MEETINGS I HAD TO REARRANGE
SO THAT I COULD BE HERE?
NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.
BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT IMPACT
THIS WILL HAVE ON NEGOTIATIONS
I'M NOT AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS.
JAKE, QUINN, DARIA,
THIS ISN'T A LIBRARY.
- DESPITE THE PRESENCE
OF FLUORESCENT LIGHTING
AND UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIRS.
- COME ON; LET'S HAVE
A NICE CHAT.
DARIA, PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?
- WELL, I WAS JUST PONDERING
THE IDEA THAT THE NEGATIVE
WHICH IS THE NOTHINGNESS
OF BEING
AND THE ANNIHILATING POWER
BOTH TOGETHER IS NOTHINGNESS.
- OH, DARIA, THAT WHOLE
"LESS IS MORE" THING IS SO OVER.
ACCESSORIES ARE BACK.
- I JUST DON'T GET IT.
IF BC'S A CAVEMAN, HOW CAN
HE CELEBRATE ASH WEDNESDAY?
- WHY DO I BOTHER?
- NOTHING.
WHAT'S THAT RED STUFF?
- HMM, NOTHING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
- CHERRY SODA?
- NO, IT LOOKS MORE LIKE
CRANBERRY JUICE.
- NOTHING.
- WELL, HI, MOM.
- HEY, MOM.
- WHAT IS THAT,
STRAWBERRY SYRUP?
- I'M GUESSING CRANBERRY JUICE.
- CHERRY SODA.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
WIND, WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TREAT.
- MOM, MOM!
TRENT, JANIE!
IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE EVERYBODY.
SORRY I DIDN'T CALL FIRST,
BUT I HAD TO CLEAR OUT
OF THE HOUSEBOAT IN A HURRY.
- WHEN TIDAL WAVES STRIKE?
- NO, KATIE AND I
ARE SEPARATING FOR A WHILE.
- OH, HONEY, I HOPE
YOU TWO WORK IT OUT.
- ME TOO, MOM.
I MEAN, TWO ALIMONY PAYMENTS
A MONTH ARE ENOUGH.
[laughs]
[cries]
OH, GOD!
I'LL NEVER LEARN HOW TO LOVE.
- IT'S OKAY, SWEETHEART.
WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM.
- UM...
- UH-OH.
- THERE WERE SOME PHONE MESSAGES
I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT.
LET'S SEE.
PENNY'S COMING IN
FROM COSTA RICA.
SOME KIND OF PROBLEM
WITH A VOLCANO.
AND DAD'S FINISHED
TAKING PICTURES
OF CELTIC ROCK FORMATIONS.
HE'S ON HIS WAY BACK TO PRINT.
- WHAT'S THAT WRITTEN
ON YOUR OTHER HAND?
- "CHANGE NAME OF MYSTIK SPIRAL
TO SOMETHING SOMETHING
EXPLOSION."
- HEY, DO I SMELL COOKIES
BAKING?
- NOT BLOODY LIKELY.
- THE KILN!
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
SIS!
CLAUDIA THREW YOU OUT.
- HA HA!
YEAH, BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO.
I THINK YOU MEAN KATIE.
[cries]
YOU... YOU RAN OUT OF PESOS?
- COLONES.
NO, MY NATIVE CRAFT STAND
WAS WIPED OUT.
DAMN LAVA.
- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.
[bird squawks loudly]
- THAT'S CHIQUITO.
HE'S VERY POSSESSIVE.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- THANKS.
I THINK I LEFT MY HOUSE KEYS
IN CANNAMARA.
- YAHOO!
- [sighs]
- GO, YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD!
THREE POINTS, YEAH!
- [sighs more loudly]
- SOMETHING WRONG, HONEY?
- JAKE, DO YOU EVER WORRY
THAT OUR CHILDREN ARE BECOMING
STRANGERS TO US?
- STRANGER THAN US?
WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT US?
HEY!
- I TRY AND TRY TO KEEP THE
CHANNELS OF COMMUNICATION OPEN.
WHAT MORE CAN I DO?
- LOOK UNDER THE MATTRESS
FOR A DIARY?
I MEAN BY ACCIDENT, OF COURSE.
- HONESTLY, JAKE, SOMETIMES
I WONDER IF YOU KNOW EVEN
THE MOST RUDIMENTARY FACTS
ABOUT OUR GIRLS.
HOW OLD IS QUINN?
- 11... ISH?
THAT WAS A GUESSTIMATE.
- JAKE, WHAT'S MY MIDDLE NAME?
- IT'S GOT A "K," RIGHT?
- UGH!
- HONEY, WAIT.
[door slams]
SHOOT, BIG MAN, SHOOT!
- IS YOUR TOLL COLLECTOR
WEARING PANTS, A SKIRT,
OR NOTHING BUT A SMILE?
COLD BREEZE ON THE INTERSTATE
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- HEY, JANE.
HOW LONG HAS THE LIVING ROOM TV
BEEN BROKEN?
- ABOUT TWO YEARS, I GUESS.
- DO YOU MIND IF I WATCH
A SHOW IN HERE?
IT'S KIND OF
A MARITAL EMERGENCY.
- ACTUALLY...
- THANKS.
- WELCOME ONCE AGAIN
TO THE LIVING MARRIAGE,
A HOLISTIC BLUEPRINT FOR LOVING.
- [cries]
OH, KATIE, KATIE, KATIE!
- I THINK I'LL GIVE DARIA
A CALL... DOWNSTAIRS.
PENNY, GOING TO BE LONG?
- BUSINESS.
NO, NO, SEÑOR FINANCE MINISTER.
NECESITO DINERO TO REOPEN
MY BUSINESS.
YOUR VOLCANO WIPED OUT HUNDREDS
OF HAND-FASHIONED TIN
PICTURE FRAMES,
AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW
HOW YOUR GOVERNMENT
INTENDS TO COMPENSATE ME.
- ALL RIGHT, THEN.
TO MY PRIVATE OFFICE.
- NO, SEÑOR, I HAVE NOT BEEN
INHALING VOLCANO DUST.
HELLO?
HELLO?
- SORRY, GOING TO BE A WHILE.
I'M DEVELOPING.
- WHATEVER.
- OH, HONEY?
DON'T DRINK FROM THAT BIG BOTTLE
IN THE KITCHEN.
IT'S SILVER NITRATE.
- IT'S POISONOUS?
- YEAH, AND I NEED IT
FOR MY PRINTS.
- UM, MOM, CAN WE DISCUSS
THIS FAMILY TOGETHERNESS
NIGHTMARE?
WIND'S CRYING ALL OVER MY STUFF,
PENNY'S STARTING A TRADE WAR
IN THE KITCHEN,
AND DAD'S RINSING PRINTS
IN ALL THE TOILETS.
- OH, JANE, EVERYONE
WILL WORK THINGS OUT
IN THEIR OWN WAY
IN THEIR OWN TIME.
REMEMBER
WHEN YOU KIDS WERE YOUNG?
- HOW FAR BACK?
DIAPERS CREEP ME OUT.
- THE TIME TRENT MOVED
INTO A TENT IN THE BACKYARD.
- OH, SURE.
IT WAS MY JOB TO DELIVER
THE SANDWICHES.
- WE JUST LEFT HIM ALONE
FOR SIX MONTHS
UNTIL HE GOT BORED.
SUMMER ONCE ATE ONLY PEZ
FOR A YEAR,
AND LOOK HOW BEAUTIFULLY
SHE TURNED OUT.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU TRY TO HOLD
A BUTTERFLY
TIGHTLY IN YOUR HAND,
IT WILL DIE.
YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO.
AND IF IT COMES BACK,
IT IS TRULY YOURS.
BUT IF IT DOESN'T,
IT NEVER REALLY WAS.
- HOW ABOUT IF YOU TEAR OFF
ITS PRECIOUS LITTLE WINGS?
- [snoring]
[doorbell rings]
HUH?
WHO COULD THAT BE?
- I'M NOT PICKY.
THE MANGER WILL BE FINE.
[rock music playing]
♪ ♪
- [breathing heavily]
JANE!
- [sighs impatiently]
OH, HI, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
- IT'S OKAY;
SPEED WALKERS HAVE THICK SKINS.
JANE, SINCE YOU'RE STAYING
WITH US AND ALL, I THOUGHT,
WELL, YOU'RE DARIA'S
BEST FRIEND,
AND SHE'S... SHE'S SO HARD
TO TALK TO THESE DAYS.
- MAXIMUM OF THREE QUESTIONS.
NO BETRAYALS.
IMMUNITY FROM PROSECUTION.
- AGREED.
DRUGS?
- NOPE, UNLESS YOU COUNT TV.
- DEPRESSED?
- NO, JUST REALISTIC.
- SEX?
OH, THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS.
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE?
- THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.
THE ICE IS GETTING THIN.
NO PLACE TO BE ALONE.
MY HOUSE IS NOT A HOME.
PSYCHIC REFUGEE.
PSYCHIC REFU...
[bird squawks]
THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.
THE ICE IS...
- BUT, DAD, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO.
I TRIED EVERYTHING ON THAT SHOW.
- YOUR MOM AND I HAVE FOUND
ROLE-PLAYING
TO BE A SUPER WAY
TO WORK OUT CONFLICTS.
WE ALSO ENJOY HITTING EACH OTHER
WITH LARGE FOAM RUBBER BATS.
- I'D DO IT,
BUT KATIE ISN'T HERE.
[crying]
- WELL, I'LL BE KATIE.
TRENT, WOULD YOU MIND
BEING THE FLIRTATIOUS GIRL
AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER?
- UH, I GOTTA GO SHARPEN
MY GUITAR PICK.
- OKAY, I'LL GET TRENT'S TENT
OUT OF THE ATTIC.
BYE.
COURTNEY AND ADRIAN
ARE COMING FOR A VISIT.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
- DOES SUMMER KNOW?
- SHE SHOULD, SHOULDN'T SHE?
- WELL, SHE'S KIND OF
THEIR MOTHER.
HAVE YOU SEEN JANIE?
- NO, HON, BUT IF YOU FIND HER,
TELL HER I SAID HI.
- DOESN'T THIS FEEL GREAT?
- UM...
- HAS ANYONE SEEN JANE?
- SHE WAS JUST STANDING THERE
A FEW MINUTES... DAYS AGO.
- AHA!
- GOOD ONE.
[bird squawks]
- HEY, THANKS FOR SETTING
THE TABLE, JANE-O.
- NO PROBLEM.
THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE.
- WELL, I KNOW HOW IT CAN BE,
BEING DRIVEN
FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME,
EVEN IF IT WAS
A DARK, DEPRESSING PLACE,
THE AIR THICK WITH OPPRESSION
AND THE CONSTANT THREAT OF...
- LOOK, A DUCKY.
- HEY, NEAT!
SAY, JANE, I KNOW
YOU'RE DARIA'S BEST FRIEND,
AND, WELL, SHE'S SO HARD
TO TALK TO THESE DAYS.
I WAS WONDERING...
- MAXIMUM OF THREE QUESTIONS,
NO BETRAYALS,
IMMUNITY FROM PROSECUTION,
AND TALK YOUR WIFE INTO FINDING
A NEW SPEED-WALKING ROUTE.
- DONE.
AGE?
- 17.
- UH, HEIGHT?
- 5'2".
- MM-HMM.
- FAVORITE COLOR.
- [together] BLACK.
- OH, THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS.
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE?
- I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD
TEAR OUT A CHAPTER FOR ME.
- SORRY.
LIBRARY BOOK.
- THOSE MILK TRIVIA QUIZZES
ARE REALLY INTERESTING.
I'D LIKE TO TRY CHEWING
SOME OF THIS CUD SOMETIME.
- WHY DON'T THEY JUST PUT
MARMADUKE TO SLEEP?
- WELL, JANE,
SINCE EVERYONE ELSE IS OCCUPIED,
WHY DON'T WE HAVE A LITTLE...
- HEY!
- VITAMIN D, 200%.
VITAMIN A, 100%.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- HEY, DARIA.
JANIE HERE?
- UM, YEAH, HI.
- [sniffs]
SMELLS GOOD.
- TRENT?
- HEY, JANIE.
I JUST STOPPED BY TO TELL YOU
I'LL BE LIVING IN THE TANK
FOR A WHILE.
- THE TANK?
- IT'S A VAN... OR IT WAS ONCE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU PHONE?
- COULDN'T GET NEAR IT.
HEY, IS THAT SPAGHETTI?
IT'S MY FAVORITE.
- ACTUALLY,
IT'S FETTUCINI BOLOGNESE.
- OH, YEAH, THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
IT'S NOT STICKING TOGETHER
AT ALL.
- TRENT, MY MAN, YOU WANT
TO STAY FOR DINNER?
- WELL, IT IS NICE AND WARM
IN HERE, NOT LIKE THE TANK.
I BET YOUR DOORS LOCK TOO.
- TRENT, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO STAY HERE TONIGHT?
- EEP!
WHAT?
- ARE YOU SURE YOU'VE GOT
THE CONCENTRATION FOR THIS GAME?
- HUH?
OF COURSE, WHY?
- WELL, JUST 'CAUSE
YOU'VE ONLY PICKED TWO LETTERS.
- OH.
OH, YEAH.
- YOU'RE AN ARTIST, RIGHT?
- I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO PUSH
THE PAINT AROUND.
WHY?
- ART FASCINATES ME.
- UH-HUH.
- SO IF YOU WERE CONTOURING
THE EYELIDS
OF, OH, SOMEONE WITH,
LET'S SEE, COLORING,
SKIN TONE, AND HAIR COLOR
JUST LIKE MINE,
WOULD YOU GO WITH A DEEP PLUM
OR A RICH MAUVE?
- I'D HAVE TO SEE THE ACTUAL...
- OKAY.
- DON'T TOUCH MY "Q."
- WHAT?
[knocking at door]
- HEY, DARIA?
SEEN JANIE?
I NEED TO BORROW HER TOOTHBRUSH.
- UH, SHE'LL BE BACK
IN A MINUTE.
- GUESS I'LL WAIT.
HEY, COOL ROOM.
- OH, THANKS.
- COMFORTABLE BED.
MARK TWAIN.
HUCKLEBERRY FINN, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- I READ THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL...
I THINK.
- UM, IT'S AN AMERICAN CLASSIC.
- USED TO WATCH HUCKLEBERRY
HOUND WHEN I WAS A KID.
THEY DIDN'T REALLY
HAVE A LOT IN COMMON,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
- UM, NO.
HUCKLEBERRY HOUND
WAS MUCH MORE OF A JOINER.
- YEAH, LOSER.
[both laugh]
WHY DID QUICK DRAW MCGRAW
HANG OUT
WITH THAT FREAKY LITTLE MULE?
- WHOOPS, DIDN'T MEAN
TO INTERRUPT.
- THAT'S OKAY.
HEY, JANIE, I NEED TO BORROW
YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.
- TAKE IT; IT'S A GIFT.
- COOL.
- WOW, KISMET!
WHAT WERE YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
- COMPARATIVE LITERATURE.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- QUINN!
YOUR DATE IS HERE!
WOW, I REALLY DON'T KNOW
MY KIDS.
- HEY, TRENT AROUND?
- OH, YOU'RE FOR... WELL, THEN.
TRENT, YOUR DATE IS HERE!
- THANKS.
SEE YA.
- TRENT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- OUT.
- AND WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?
- LATER.
BYE.
- SOMEONE SHOULD TALK
TO THAT YOUNG MAN
ABOUT THE LIFESTYLE CHOICES
HE'S MAKING.
- EW!
[energetic rock music]
♪ ♪
- DON'T WORRY.
YOU'RE TWICE THE WOMAN SHE IS.
- NO, THAT WOULD BE A SIZE 12.
LISTEN, DARIA, I ALWAYS SAY
THAT JUST BECAUSE A GUY
HAS A GIRLFRIEND,
IT DOESN'T MEAN
HE'S OFF LIMITS.
UNLESS YOU'RE THE GIRLFRIEND.
BY "YOU,"
I MEAN ME, OF COURSE.
REMEMBER THAT.
- MM.
GOT ANY MORE PEARL DROPS
OF WISDOM?
- DARIA, ALL YOU NEED
IS A LITTLE CONFIDENCE.
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND IMAGINE WHAT YOU WANT.
WATCH ME.
- QUINN, LOOKING
INTO YOUR MAUVE-LIDDED EYES
MAKES ME WANT TO GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER DESIRED.
MAY I WORSHIP YOUR HEAVENLY
PERFECTION UNTIL THE END OF TIME
OR UNTIL YOU MEET SOMEONE
BETTER, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST?
- OH, OKAY.
OH, AND COULD YOU GET ME A SODA
IN A CRYSTAL GOBLET?
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
GIVE IT A TRY, DARIA.
JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
AND PICTURE YOUR DREAM EXACTLY
THE WAY IT WILL BE.
- ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T
TRUST YOU ENOUGH
TO CLOSE MY EYES.
TRENT, HONEY, I'M HOME.
- HEY.
- GOOD DAY?
- NOT MUCH HAPPENED.
- DON'T WORRY, TRENT.
I'M SURE MYSTIK SPIRAL
IS ON THE BRINK OF SUCCESS.
- WE REALLY SHOULD
CHANGE THE NAME.
- AND I DON'T MIND
WORKING DOUBLE SHIFTS
AT THE GENE-SPLICING LAB
UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
- FACE IT, DARIA.
WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET
OUR BIG BREAK.
I GOTTA GET A REAL JOB.
UM, I'LL NEED SOME MONEY
TO GET MY TATTOO REMOVED.
- HONEY, WE HAVE
TO SAVE RIGHT NOW.
TRENT JR. NEEDS GLASSES,
THICK ONES.
- DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
EVERY TIME I LOOK
AT THIS STUPID TATTOO,
IT REMINDS ME
HOW I'VE WASTED MY LIFE.
BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP.
I'M DETERMINED TO LIE HERE
ON THE COUCH
UNTIL THINGS TURN AROUND.
- OH, TRENT.
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO THE MAN I MARRIED?
- WE NEVER GOT MARRIED,
REMEMBER?
I OVERSLEPT.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
- THAT'S FOR ME.
BYE!
- YOU OKAY THERE,
SISTER-IN-LAW?
- HMM.
I THINK
I JUST GOT OVER SOMETHING.
[doorbell rings]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
[bird squawks]
- HEY, THAT PRINT
TOOK ME FIVE HOURS!
- [crying]
- [sighs]
- WHEE!
WHEE!
- UH, CHILDREN,
THAT'S NOT REALLY A RIDE.
- YOU KIDS GET OFF
THAT POTTERY WHEEL THIS INSTANT.
- SUMMER, YOU'VE COME
TO TAKE THE KIDS HOME?
- WELL, I FIGURED
SINCE I MADE THE TRIP,
I'D STAY A FEW NIGHTS.
- GEE, HOW WAS TODAY'S
PRE-BREAKFAST RUN?
- PRE-BREAKFAST SPEED WALK,
RIGHT, JANE?
- I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL.
- UH, HUH!
- GOOD MORNING, QUINN.
- IF YOU'RE WONDERING
WHY I OVERSLEPT,
IT'S NOT BECAUSE
I WAS OUT LATE OR ANYTHING.
MY ALARM CLOCK
SIMPLY MALFUNCTIONED.
- I CERTAINLY ACCEPT
YOUR CONVINCING EXPLANATION.
- TRENT?
- HMM?
- WHAT TIME DID YOU
GET IN LAST NIGHT?
- UM, MIDNIGHT?
- I DON'T THINK SO, YOUNG MAN.
JAKE, WAS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANTED TO TALK
TO TRENT ABOUT?
- YEAH!
TRENT, WHAT WOULD YOU THINK
IF TONIGHT I TRIED
A LITTLE CHUTNEY SHRIMP?
I'M ITCHING TO BREAK OUT
THE OLD WOK.
- TRENT, I'M AFRAID
THESE CRAZY HOURS YOU KEEP
WILL MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE
FOR YOU TO ADJUST
IF AND WHEN YOU DECIDE
TO GET A JOB
AND JOIN THE REST OF US
IN CONVENTIONAL SOCIETY.
- DOESN'T ANYONE WANT TO KNOW
WHAT UNGODLY HOUR I GOT IN?
- I MEANT TO BE HOME SOONER,
BUT MONIQUE AND I SPENT
FOUR HOURS BREAKING UP.
- YOU GUYS BREAK UP
EVERY OTHER WEEK.
YOU DON'T BELONG TOGETHER.
FIGURE IT OUT.
RIGHT, DARIA?
- UM...
- TRENT, ONE DAY YOU'LL HAVE
YOUR OWN HOME, AND YOU CAN LIVE
ANY WAY YOU CHOOSE.
BUT WHILE YOU'RE UNDER OUR ROOF,
YOUNG MAN,
YOU WILL RESPECT THE RULES
OF THIS HOUSEHOLD.
- YES'M.
- NOW, LET'S DISCUSS
AN APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT
FOR BREAKING CURFEW.
- BUT DON'T I DESERVE
APPROPRIATE PUNISH...
I MEAN, UM, JUST TELL THEM
IF THEY'LL LET IT GO THIS ONCE,
YOU'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
- I'M SORRY I BROKE THE RULES.
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY RULES
AT OUR HOUSE.
RIGHT, JANIE?
- WELL, THERE'S THAT ONE
ABOUT NOT BUILDING A FIRE
IN THE ROOMS
THAT DON'T HAVE FIREPLACES.
- YOU KNOW, I ONCE LIVED
IN A TENT IN THE YARD
FOR SIX MONTHS,
WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO INVITE ME
BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
- OH, DO I KNOW
WHAT THAT'S LIKE,
WAITING FOR
YOUR SO-CALLED LOVED ONES
TO ACKNOWLEDGE
YOUR EXISTENCE,
SITTING ALONE IN THE DARK,
CRAVING THE LOVE
OF A HEARTLESS MAN
WHO KEEPS YOU
IN A CONSTANT STATE
OF FEAR AND...
[doorbell rings]
WHO COULD THAT BE?
- HELLO, HELEN.
- WHY, AMANDA.
I GUESS YOU'VE COME
TO CLAIM YOUR CHILDREN?
- ARE THEY HERE?
- JANE IS FREE TO GO,
BUT TRENT IS GROUNDED.
- OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT.
YOU KNOW, HELEN, IF YOU TRY
TO HOLD A BUTTERFLY
TIGHTLY IN YOUR HAND,
IT WILL DIE.
YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO AND...
YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
I NEED MY HOUSE BACK!
- AMANDA, I MAY HAVE AN IDEA.
[bird squawks]
- WELL, NOW THAT WE'LL ALL
BE LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF
FOR A WHILE,
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE
IF WE SAT DOWN EACH NIGHT,
ATE DINNER TOGETHER,
AND SHARED OUR DAY.
PENNY, KEEP THAT BIRD POINTED
AWAY FROM THE VEGETABLES!
[calmly again] SO WHAT'S NEW?
- WELL, I'M THINKING
OF SWITCHING
FROM HANDCRAFTED
TIN PICTURE FRAMES
TO HANDCRAFTED GECKO SKIN
COIN PURSES.
- YOU STILL THINK
YOUR LITTLE NICKNACKS
ARE GOING TO SAVE THE ECONOMIES
OF THE THIRD WORLD?
- NOW, SUMMER, SOME THINGS
ARE WORTH SAVING.
- AND SOME THINGS
CAN'T BE SAVED,
LIKE MY MARRIAGE!
- IT'S OKAY, WIND.
IT'S FOR THE BEST.
- REALLY?
- BELIEVE ME;
YOU'RE MUCH BETTER OFF.
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- YEAH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT MARRIAGE?
- WELL, I CAN'T SAY I'VE HAD
AS MUCH EXPERIENCE
AS EITHER OF YOU
IN FAILING AT IT.
- WHOA!
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- HEY, GUYS, LIVE AND LET LIVE.
- [together] WE WANT TO GO HOME!
- THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU
RUN AWAY AND DRAG ME BACK
TO THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
I WANT TO BE?
- NOW, HOLD ON A MINUTE.
[all arguing]
- I HAVE SUCH INTERESTING
AND ARTICULATE CHILDREN.
- [children sobbing]
- AND GRANDCHILDREN.
- SO ONCE AGAIN, THE WANDERING
LANES SCATTER TO PARTS UNKNOWN
AS TRENT AND I RETURN
TO THE BENIGN NEGLECT
THAT HAS SERVED US SO WELL
IN THE PAST.
- I GUESS NO MATTER WHAT STYLE
PARENTS YOU HAVE,
THEY WILL INEVITABLY
DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
- WELL SAID, AMIGA.
AND SO ADIOS.
- WELL, IT WAS FUN.
- YEAH.
UH, SORRY YOUR DATE
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
- JANIE'S RIGHT;
MONIQUE AND I
JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE.
TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT
A FEW YEARS OLDER, HUH?
I COULD TAKE YOU OUT.
[laughs]
[coughs]
SEE YA.
DARIA, YOU'RE THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
- DAMN.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪