Daria (1997–2001): Season 3, Episode 5 - Daria Dance Party - full transcript
Quinn gets roped into organizing the school dance; she fobs the job off on Jane.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- JANE, YOUR PICTURE'S FULL
OF BLOODY PEOPLE.
THAT'S NOT A STILL LIFE.
- SURE, IT IS.
THE BLOOD'S THE REASON
THEY'RE SO STILL.
- BLOOD?
COOL!
HEY, JANE, PAINT SOMETHING
WITH BLOOD
ON MY CANVAS...
AND MAGGOTS.
- SORRY, SPORT BOY.
THESE ITTY-BITTY CANVASES
JUST DON'T DO IT FOR ME.
HOW I LONG FOR A MEDIUM GRAND
ENOUGH TO DO JUSTICE
TO MY INNER TORMENT.
- GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS.
WHERE IS YOUR INSTRUCTOR?
- SHE WENT TO THE LADIES' ROOM.
- 10-25.
DEFOE LEAVES POST
WITHOUT CLEARANCE
FOR PERSONAL BUSINESS.
INITIATE INVESTIGATION.
ANYWAY, I JUST DROPPED IN
TO CAUTION YOU
THAT THE SCHOOL DANCE IS
IN TWO WEEKS,
AND SECURITY IS GOING TO BE
ESPECIALLY TIGHT,
SO IF ANYONE IS THINKING
OF RIGGING
A BUCKET OF PIG'S BLOOD
TO THE RAFTERS,
WELL, THEY CAN JUST FORGET IT.
- THERE GOES MY WEEKEND.
- THAT DANCE IS GOING
TO BE COOL.
- YOU CALLOUS OAF!
- WHAT?
- DID YOU FORGET THE LAST DANCE,
WHEN I CAUGHT YOU MAKING OUT
WITH ZOE?
- FOR THE 50TH TIME, BABE,
I WAS FIXING HER NOSE RING.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK,
I'M STUPID AND STUFF?
- HEY, I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
SMART DOESN'T MATTER
WITH A BODY LIKE MINE.
I MEAN YOURS.
- HMM!
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF GUYS
WHO THINK I'M PRETTY AND SMART.
- YOU CAN VISIT THEM
AT THE CEDARS OF LAWNDALE
HEAD INJURY WARD.
- OOH, I'M SICK OF THIS!
MAYBE IT'S TIME I FIND SOMEONE
WHO REALLY APPRECIATES ME.
- MAYBE I SHOULD FIND SOMEONE
WHO REALLY APPRECIATES ME.
- HELLO, MOM?
- THEN YOU JUST GO AHEAD
AND DO THAT,
BECAUSE IT'S... IT'S OVER!
AND THIS TIME, I MEAN IT!
- OH, YEAH?
IT'S DOUBLE OVER FOR ME!
- YOU DON'T REALLY THINK...
- FORGET IT.
THAT SPECIES MATES FOR LIFE.
[school bell rings]
- NOW, REMEMBER,
YOUR HEMINGWAY ESSAYS
ARE DUE IN ONE WEEK.
AND THIS TIME, STACY,
IT'S ERNEST, NOT MARIEL.
- SORRY.
- OH, CLASS, BEFORE YOU GO,
WE'RE STILL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
TO HEAD THE DANCE COMMITTEE.
REMEMBER, TO VOLUNTEER
IS TO SAY, "I CARE."
- DANCE COMMITTEE.
I'LL NEVER WORK
ON ANOTHER DANCE AGAIN.
THEY EXPECT YOU TO DO STUFF,
AND NOW EVERYTHING'S MESSED UP,
AND THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S GOING
TO BLAME ME.
PLUS, I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD TIME
TO FIND SANDALS
TO GO WITH MY NEW HALTER DRESS.
- SANDI, I WARNED YOU,
TO VOLUNTEER IS TO SAY,
"USE ME."
- SANDI, ARE YOU OKAY?
- GEE, QUINN, I THINK
YOU SHOULD VOLUNTEER.
YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD TASTE.
- UM, BUT YOU HAVE
EVEN BETTER TASTE, SANDI.
YOU SHOULD VOLUNTEER.
- I KNOW;
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE JOB
AND APPOINT THE FASHION CLUB
AS YOUR COMMITTEE?
OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T THINK
WE'RE UP TO IT,
THEN JUST SAY SO.
- UM, OKAY.
I GUESS.
MR. O'NEILL, I'LL HEAD
THE DANCE COMMITTEE.
- REALLY?
GREAT!
GET READY TO WORK
LIKE YOU'VE NEVER WORKED BEFORE.
- OH, I'LL HAVE THE FASHION CLUB
TO HELP ME.
RIGHT, GUYS?
GUYS?
- I'VE HAD IT.
KEVIN AND I ARE FINALLY OVER
FOR GOOD.
- IS IT OVER OVER,
LIKE THE TIME HE GOT YOU
A FOOTBALL FOR YOU BIRTHDAY,
OR JUST OVER,
LIKE THE TIME HE THOUGHT
YOUR GOLDFISH NEEDED AIR?
- NO, THIS TIME,
IT'S REALLY OVER OVER,
AND AS FELLOW CHEERLEADERS,
YOU HAVE TO SWEAR
ON A STACK OF POM-POMS
NOT TO GO TO THE DANCE
WITH THAT TWO-TIMING,
SCUM-OF-THE-EARTH KEVIN.
All: WE SOLEMNLY SWEAR
NOT TO GO TO THE DANCE
WITH THAT TWO-TIMING,
SCUM-OF-THE-EARTH KEVIN.
YAY, TEAM!
- SO IT'S AGREED.
NO ONE ASK BRITTANY
TO THE DANCE.
WE'RE MEN.
WE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER.
WE SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.
[all agreeing]
- HI.
- QUINN?
- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
- DON'T GO AWAY.
- YO, GUYS.
GUYS!
- SO I SAID
MAYBE WE SHOULD
GET A VELVET ROPE
AND HIRE A BOUNCER TO KEEP OUT,
YOU KNOW,
THE UNDESIRABLE ELEMENT.
- I REMEMBER THOSE DANCES.
YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT HUMILIATION?
THE ONE TIME I HAD A DATE,
SHE STOOD ME UP
FOR MR. CAMPUS HOT STUFF.
OH, BUT I SHOWED HER.
I WENT ANYWAY!
HOW I WANTED TO WRING
HER LITTLE...
- DARIA, ARE YOU GOING
TO THE DANCE?
- OF COURSE SHE'S NOT GOING.
ONLY A LOSER WOULD GO TO A DANCE
WITHOUT A DATE.
- SCHOOL DANCES SUCK!
- JAKE, HERE.
MAKE A GUEST HOUSE.
- ALL RIGHT!
[doorbell rings]
- DON'T ANYBODY MOVE.
- CHARITY BLOODSUCKERS!
- NO, IT'S THE FASHION
BLOODSUCKERS.
- EVERYONE, PLEASE REMAIN
IN YOUR SEATS
UNTIL MY GUESTS AND I ARE
ALL SAFELY UPSTAIRS.
THANK YOU.
- HOW COME QUINN NEVER
INTRODUCES US TO HER FRIENDS?
- WHY DON'T YOU ASK
THE LITTLE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE IN YOUR POTATOES?
- [sighs]
- SO I WAS THINKING,
SINCE WE'LL ALL BE WEARING
DESIGNER DRESSES,
WE SHOULD HAVE
A FASHION SHOW THEME.
THE DANCE FLOOR COULD BE
ON A RUNWAY,
AND EVERYONE COULD WATCH US
FROM THE SIDELINES.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
- YEAH, REALLY GREAT, QUINN.
- YES, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE
A MOCKERY OF THE RUNWAY
BY HAVING
THE VISUALLY UNACCEPTABLE
WADDLE ALL OVER IT.
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, RIGHT.
- OKAY, THEN MAYBE
SINCE WE'RE ALL WEARING BRONZE,
GOLD, AND COPPER DRESSES,
WE SHOULD HAVE A BRONZE, GOLD,
AND COPPER DANCE.
- OH, THAT'S COOL.
YEAH, GOOD IDEA.
- GREAT, THEN EVERYONE WILL KNOW
WHAT WE'RE WEARING
AHEAD OF TIME,
SO NO ONE WILL BE SURPRISED.
- OOH, SHE HAS A POINT.
- GEE, SANDI, SINCE YOU DON'T
LIKE ANY OF MY IDEAS,
MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU'D LIKE TO DO.
- I THINK WE SHOULD
DECORATE THE GYM
LIKE THE INSIDE OF THE CONCORDE.
- UM, IT'S A CUTE IDEA
AND EVERYTHING,
BUT I'M NOT SURE THERE WOULD BE
MUCH ROOM TO DANCE, AND...
- GEE, QUINN, IF YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO LISTEN TO IDEAS
FROM YOUR OWN DANCE COMMITTEE,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST PLAN
THE DANCE ALONE.
- DON'T BE SILLY.
- SO NOW I'M SILLY?
- I MEANT IT WOULD BE SILLY
FOR ME TO PLAN THE DANCE ALONE
WHEN I HAVE
SUCH A TALENTED COMMITTEE.
I KNOW THE FOUR OF US
CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING
REALLY FUN.
- BUT I ALREADY DID COME UP WITH
SOMETHING REALLY FUN.
- BUT IT'S JUST, WELL,
NOT PRACTICAL.
- MAYBE I SHOULD JUST HAVE
MY OWN PARTY,
SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY THINK
I'M POSTAL.
- I DON'T THINK YOU'RE POSTAL.
- COME ON.
I KNOW A REALLY NICE
INSANE ASYLUM.
- SANDI, I THINK
WHAT QUINN MEANT IS...
EEP!
- BUT I NEED YOU GUYS!
- THEN NEXT TIME,
MAYBE YOU'LL ACT LIKE IT.
- SORRY, QUINN.
- WAIT!
- ♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
- SO, ANGIE, WANT TO GO
TO THE DANCE WITH THE QB?
I'LL DRIVE.
- NO, THANKS, KEVIN.
I'VE GOT PLANS THAT NIGHT TO...
UM, READ A NEWSPAPER.
- HMM, OKAY.
- HEY, QUINN.
- NOT NOW.
- UM, DARIA, CAN I ASK YOU
A PERSONAL QUESTION?
- NO.
- SEE, NORMALLY,
I HAVE NO TROUBLE IN,
YOU KNOW, THE BABE DEPARTMENT,
BUT NOW THEY'RE TREATING ME
LIKE I'M ON THE HONOR ROLL
OR SOMETHING.
- KIDS CAN BE SO CRUEL.
- I CAN'T GET ONE CHEERLEADER
TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME.
I DON'T GET IT.
- MAYBE YOU'RE LOSING
YOUR LOOKS.
- OR MAYBE YOU'RE LOSING
YOUR MIND.
- YOU THINK I'M LOSING MY LOOKS?
- A FACE-LIFT WILL FIX YOU
RIGHT UP.
- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO
TO THE DANCE WITH A CHEERLEADER?
- IT'S NOT
TO MAKE BRITTANY JEALOUS,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
[laughs]
- I'M CONVINCED.
- CHEER UP.
I'M SURE THERE ARE PLENTY
OF NONCHEERLEADERS
WHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO WASTE
THREE HOURS OF THEIR LIVES
AT A DANCE WITH YOU.
- OH, WAIT!
I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
HEY, DARIA, NO OFFENSE,
BUT NO WAY.
I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
- HUH?
- GOTTA GO.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?
- UM, MS. BARCH.
JANET.
MAY I CALL YOU JANET?
NO?
OH, OKAY.
MS. BARCH...
- HI.
- EEP!
- I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT, UM,
MY GREAT AUNT AUDREY
DIED TWO DAYS AGO,
AND I'M TOO UPSET
TO HEAD THE DANCE COMMITTEE.
YOU KNOW, DEATH AND ALL.
OKAY, GOTTA GO.
- QUINN, WAIT.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO HELP YOU
THROUGH THIS TIME
OF BEREAVEMENT...
- ALL RIGHT, SO I DON'T HAVE
A GREAT AUNT AUDREY.
SANDI, STACY, AND TIFFANY
DESERTED ME,
AND NO ONE ELSE WILL HELP,
AND I CAN'T PLAN THE DANCE
ALL BY MYSELF.
- I SEE.
YOU MUST BE FEELING
A LOT OF TEENAGE STRESS
TO MAKE UP
SUCH A FANCIFUL STORY.
- SO I'M OFF THE HOOK?
- QUINN, I'VE GOT A SOLUTION.
I WILL BE YOUR DANCE COMMITTEE.
- EW!
FINE.
I'LL FIND A NEW COMMITTEE.
[sighs]
- JANET, PLEASE DON'T THINK ME
FORWARD OR RANDY
BY ASKING YOU THIS, BUT...
- SO, ANYWAY, I REALLY LOVE
TO DANCE.
OF COURSE, THE BEST PLACE
TO DANCE IS AT A DANCE.
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
- UM, SURE.
I MEAN, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
NO ONE HAS ASKED ME
TO THE DANCE.
AM I LOSING MY LOOKS?
- THEY'RE GAINING THEIR SENSES.
- WHAT?
- BRITTANY,
I COMPLETELY DISAPPROVE
OF THIS RIDICULOUS FIGHT
WITH KEVIN.
- OH.
- BUT IF YOU INSIST
ON TEACHING THE BIG IDIOT
A LESSON,
WHY NOT ASK ROBERT TO THE DANCE?
- BUT HE'S AT DISNEY WORLD
WITH HIS FAMILY
TILL NEXT FRIDAY.
- SO HE DOESN'T KNOW
ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
THAT'S WHY HE'LL SAY YES, SEE?
- WOW, JODIE.
NO WONDER
YOU'RE AN HONOR STUDENT.
- YEAH, ALL THAT NOTE-TAKING
AND STUDYING
IS JUST TO KILL TIME BETWEEN
MY FRIENDS' ROMANTIC CRISES.
- YOU OUGHT TO TRY WATCHING TV.
- HEY, WHAT'S
SHE SO HAPPY ABOUT?
- NOTHIN', HONEY.
- HI, GUYS.
[all greeting]
- I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
DO ME A TEENSY-WEENSY FAVOR.
- I CAN DO IT.
- I GOT YOU COVERED.
- GREAT!
I NEED HELP PLANNING THE DANCE.
- [clears throat]
QUINN, WE'D LIKE TO HELP,
BUT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GUYS.
- HEY, SANDI.
- HI, SANDI.
- GEE, I HOPE EVERYONE HERE
ISN'T TOO BUSY
TO COME TO THE PARTY I'M HAVING
WHILE MY PARENTS
ARE OUT OF TOWN.
[all cheering]
QUINN, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT OUR FIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN CARE
WHO WAS AT FAULT.
I JUST HOPE
YOU'RE NOT STILL MAD.
- I COULD NEVER STAY MAD
AT YOU, SANDI.
- GOOD.
SO YOU'LL BE AT MY PARTY
NEXT SATURDAY.
I MEAN, IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME
WITHOUT YOU, QUINN.
- [chanting] SATURDAY!
SATURDAY! SATURDAY!
- SATURDAY?
BUT THAT'S THE SAME NIGHT
AS THE DANCE.
- [chanting]
DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!
- YOU'RE KIDDING!
I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE DANCE.
GEE, THAT'S TOO, TOO BAD.
I MEAN, I CAN'T UNORDER
ALL THAT FREE PIZZA.
- PIZZA?
- OH, GREAT.
- WELL, I CAN'T UNORDER, UM,
THE FREE SODA AND TACOS
I WAS GOING TO ORDER.
- TACOS!
- OUTDOOR TURBO-JET HOT TUB.
- PREFERRED SEATING
FOR THE POPULAR.
- GREEN DAY ON BIG SCREEN.
- DJ ON DANCE FLOOR.
- MINISKIRTS.
- STRAPLESS!
- [together] WELL?
- MY HEAD HURTS.
- MINE TOO.
- OOH.
- OW!
- WHAT DEADLY NEW DISEASES
CAN YOU PICK UP BY SITTING DOWN?
TOILET SEAT TERROR,
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- NEED SOMEONE
TO COUNT IT FOR YOU?
- $100. IT'S YOURS.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS BE MY DANCE COMMITTEE.
- PUT AWAY THE CASH.
I'LL DO IT FOR FREE.
- YOU WILL?
- SURE.
AND AFTER THAT,
WE CAN PLAY MYSTERY DATE
AND HAVE A TAFFY PULL.
- MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, DARIA.
MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
- NOT SO FAST.
- WHAT?
- WHAT'S THE BUDGET?
YOU KNOW, FOR FOOD, MUSIC,
DECORATIONS.
- $1,000.
WELL, MINUS
THIS DISCRETIONARY FUND.
- THE TIME HAS COME
TO REACH OUT AND BOND
WITH MY FELLOW CLASSMATES.
ORGANIZING A DANCE
IS THE BEST WAY TO SAY,
"JANE LANE WANTS TO BE
YOUR FRIEND."
- WHATEVER.
LET'S DIVIDE EVERYTHING UP.
THIS IS WHAT
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR.
- DECORATIONS,
FURNITURE RENTALS, FOOD, MUSIC.
YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF...
- LOTS OF THINGS.
ANY QUESTIONS?
- HOW MANY PEOPLE...
- OOPS, DATE'S HERE.
GOTTA GO.
- DOES THIS HAVE ANY CONNECTION
WITH THAT BIG ART PIECE
YOU WANT TO DO?
- $1,000 CAN BUY A LOT OF PAINT.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT
OUR DANCING CLASSMATES?
- OH, PUT THIS ASIDE FOR A BAG
OF CHIPS AND A BOOM BOX.
- NOW, JANET, I KNOW
THAT YOU'RE... JANE!
THANK YOU
FOR FINALLY STOPPING BY.
- SORRY, LATE.
NO SLEEP, TWO DAYS.
- BY THE WAY,
DID QUINN GIVE YOU MY LIST
OF SUGGESTIONS?
- WHO?
- I JUST THOUGHT
A DRAMATIC READING OR TWO
WOULD BE A NICE BREAK,
YOU KNOW, IN BETWEEN
ALL THE ROCKING OUT.
- [snoring]
UM, JANET?
I MEAN, MS. JANET.
NO, THAT IS...
- COME ON, SKINNY.
LET'S DANCE.
- SEE HOW THE HANDS GRIP
THE STEERING WHEEL
LIKE HE STILL THINKS HE COULD
DRIVE HIS WAY OUT OF IT?
- YEAH.
MAYBE HE COULD
IF HIS ARMS WERE ATTACHED.
- I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS,
BUT YOUR CONCEPTUAL PIECE
IS A BIG HIT.
- COULDN'T JUST LET ME
ENJOY THE MOMENT, COULD YOU?
ALTHOUGH, I AM IMPRESSED
YOU BRAVED A HIGH SCHOOL DANCE
TO SUPPORT THE ARTS.
- I'VE COME.
I'VE SEEN.
LET'S GO.
- AND NOW, LADIES,
TAKE YOUR MAN BY THE HAND,
AND CLIMB ABOARD
THE ROLLER COASTER TO LOVE.
[purrs]
- YOU MADE UPCHUCK THE DJ?
- I FIGURED IT WAS BEST
TO KEEP HIM OUT OF CIRCULATION.
PLUS, HE HAD ALL THE RIGHT
QUALIFICATIONS.
- HE VOLUNTEERED.
- BINGO.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
MR. O'NEILL SAID
HE'D GIVE ME DETENTION
IF I DIDN'T COME
TO THIS STUPID DANCE.
I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY
PEOPLE DRESS IN DETENTION?
- YEAH, THEY'RE LOSERS.
- I KNOW.
- OH, NO!
WHAT DID SHE DO TO THE GYM?
GUYS, I'M REALLY THIRSTY.
CAN YOU GET ME SOME PUNCH?
NOW?
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
- BEING YOUNG, CAREFREE,
HAVING YOUR WHOLE LIFE
AHEAD OF YOU,
AND DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY
TO CELEBRATE?
OH, AND THE UNTIMELY DEATH
OF JACKSON POLLOCK.
- GREAT, SOME FRIEND OF YOURS
BITES IT IN A CAR CRASH,
AND YOU TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
MY LIFE IS OVER, OKAY?
- YOU'VE DONE WELL.
- COOL DECORATIONS, QUINN.
- REALLY?
- YEAH,
YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD PAINTER.
- THANKS.
COME ON, LET'S DANCE.
- WHICH ONE OF US?
- BOTH, SILLY.
- AND IF YOU LUSCIOUS LOVELIES
OUT THERE ARE WONDERING
WHAT EFFECT YOU HAVE
ON CHARLES RUTTHEIMER III,
WHY, YOU MAKE ME WANNA SHOUT.
- SHE'S GOING TO TAKE
ALL THE CREDIT, ISN'T SHE?
- IT'S THE THING SHE DOES BEST...
THAT AND AVOIDING
LIPSTICK TEETH.
- DOESN'T ROBERT
LOOK HANDSOME TONIGHT?
- STUNNING.
- THANK YOU, MA'AM.
- SO WHERE'S KEVIN?
NOT THAT I CARE.
- HE'S AT SANDI'S PARTY.
- COME, ROBERT.
LET US DANCE.
- YES, MA'AM.
- AND SO WHILE THE BRONCOS
REMAIN SNOWBOUND
OUTSIDE DENVER
INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT,
WE'RE PLEASED TO BRING YOU
THIS ENCORE PRESENTATION
OF 50 YEARS OF OFF-BROADWAY
CHOREOGRAPHY.
- GUYS, THIS, UM...
- SUCKS?
- YEAH.
- HEY, SANDI,
IS QUINN COMING OVER?
- AND WHERE'S BRITTANY?
NOT THAT I CARE.
- I BELIEVE THEY'RE
AT THE DANCE.
YOU KNOW, WITH THE LOSERS.
NOW, WHO WANTS TO TRY OUT
THOSE NEW JETS IN MY HOT TUB?
- UM, I'LL GO CHANGE.
- OH, ME TOO.
- GOOD IDEA.
- THEY LOOK TERRIBLE OUT THERE.
- WE'VE GOT TO TELL HER
FOR HER OWN GOOD.
- ISN'T ROBERT A DREAMY DANCER?
MUCH BETTER THAN KEVIN.
- BRITTANY, HONEY, YOUR DATE
DANCES LIKE A BIG GEEK,
AND I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
- [crying]
- UH-OH.
WE'VE BEEN SPOTTED.
- WELL, I DON'T FEEL LIKE
TALKING TO ANYONE.
- THAT'S A SHOCKER.
DON'T WORRY,
I'LL GET RID OF THEM.
- HI.
COOL DECORATIONS, HUH?
- HAVE A SEAT.
- THAT'S TELLING 'EM.
- I'M BRAD, AND THIS IS
MY BROTHER, BRETT.
WE'RE FROM CUMBERLAND HIGH.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WE TRAVEL AROUND ON WEEKENDS
TRYING TO FIND A HIGH SCHOOL
MORE SCREWED UP THAN OURS.
- AND?
- CONGRATULATIONS.
YOUR TROPHY WILL ARRIVE
IN SIX TO TEN BUSINESS DAYS.
- NOW LET'S SLOW THINGS DOWN
SO WE CAN HEAT THINGS UP,
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
[purrs]
- EW!
GET YOUR BIG, SWEATY HANDS
OFF OF ME!
I DON'T SLOW DANCE
UNTIL AFTER THE FIFTH DATE.
- HI, QUINN.
DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?
- COME ON.
DANCE WITH ME FIRST.
- HOW COME YOU GUYS AREN'T
AT SANDI'S PARTY?
- IT, UM...
- SUCKED.
- SUCKED.
- GEE, THAT'S TOO, TOO BAD.
- I'M SORRY YOU'RE NOT
FEELING WELL, MA'AM.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
CAN I DRIVE YOU ANYWHERE?
HOW ABOUT...
- THANKS, ROBERT.
BUT I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
- I GOT YOU THE WRONG COLOR
CORSAGE, DIDN'T I?
IF THE CHOCOLATES
WERE TOO CHOCOLATE,
JUST TELL ME.
- YOU KNOW, WE REALLY SHOULD
SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT THAT GUACAMOLE
ON THE FLOOR
BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE
SPRAINS THEIR ANKLE.
- YEAH, WE REALLY SHOULD.
- MM.
- SO I WAS READING THIS BOOK
ON JEFFREY DAHMER...
- HEY, KEVIN.
- NO ONE MESSES
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND BUT ME!
DIE!
YEAH!
- BOY, THOSE GUYS MUST
REALLY LIKE BRITTANY A LOT
TO FIGHT OVER HER.
- HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA
TAKING QUINN TO THE DANCE?
- YEAH, THAT'S OUR JOB.
- OH, DEAR.
- WHERE ARE ALL THE GUYS?
I MEAN, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
THEM TO CHANGE?
- I HEARD A BUNCH OF CARS
LEAVING EARLIER.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU
SAY ANYTHING?
- I FIGURED THEY BELONGED
TO A REALLY BIG FAMILY.
- EW, LOOK!
I'M GETTING ALL PRUNY.
- STACY, THAT IS
SO UNATTRACTIVE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU EVEN SHOWED ME.
COME ON, LET'S CHANGE
AND GO TO THE DANCE,
UNLESS STACY HAS SOMETHING ELSE
REALLY GROSS TO SHOW US.
- SO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO
TO JOE'S DINER?
THE FOOD'S INEDIBLE,
AND ONE OF THE WAITERS
IS A SCHIZOPHRENIC.
- THINK WE CAN GET IN?
- COOL.
LET ME TELL CHUCK SO HE CAN
MEET UP WITH US LATER.
- WAIT.
YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH UPCHUCK?
- HE'S OUR COUSIN.
WE CAME TO SEE HIS DJ ACT.
- [growls]
- UM...
- I JUST REMEMBERED...
- I THINK I HAVE TO BE
SOMEWHERE...
- ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
- OH, KEVIE,
I ONLY KISSED ROBERT
TO GET EVEN WITH YOU
FOR KISSING ZOE.
IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
AND NOW I KNOW
YOU REALLY DO LOVE ME
AND YOU REALLY MEAN IT
WHEN YOU SAY
SMART DOESN'T MATTER,
ALTHOUGH I THINK
I'M SMARTER THAN YOU THINK I AM,
ALTHOUGH I KNOW I'M NOT SMARTER
THAN THE REALLY SMART,
SMART PEOPLE.
SO I FORGIVE YOU!
KEVIE?
KEVIE?
- [mutters]
- SON, I WOULDN'T TRY TO TALK
WITH THAT BROKEN JAW.
- A BROKEN JAW?
FOR ME?
- [muffled scream]
- LET'S DO THE MATH
ONE MORE TIME.
YOUR DANCE DECORATIONS
WERE A HUGE HIT.
- PLUS.
- BUT MY SISTER MANAGED TO TAKE
COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THEM.
- MINUS.
- WE HUNG OUT WITH A COUPLE
OF GUYS WHO WEREN'T SO BAD.
- PLUS.
- BUT THEY TURNED OUT
TO BE CARRIERS
OF THE DREADED RUTTHEIMER GENE.
- BIG MINUS.
- SO WE'RE MORE OR LESS EVEN
ON THE NIGHT.
- DARN.
AND IT CAME SO CLOSE
TO TURNING OUT SEMIDECENT.
- OH, MY GOD.
- OPEN UP.
- LET US IN.
- OPEN THIS DOOR.
- HELLO!
- [together] PLUS!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- JANE, YOUR PICTURE'S FULL
OF BLOODY PEOPLE.
THAT'S NOT A STILL LIFE.
- SURE, IT IS.
THE BLOOD'S THE REASON
THEY'RE SO STILL.
- BLOOD?
COOL!
HEY, JANE, PAINT SOMETHING
WITH BLOOD
ON MY CANVAS...
AND MAGGOTS.
- SORRY, SPORT BOY.
THESE ITTY-BITTY CANVASES
JUST DON'T DO IT FOR ME.
HOW I LONG FOR A MEDIUM GRAND
ENOUGH TO DO JUSTICE
TO MY INNER TORMENT.
- GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS.
WHERE IS YOUR INSTRUCTOR?
- SHE WENT TO THE LADIES' ROOM.
- 10-25.
DEFOE LEAVES POST
WITHOUT CLEARANCE
FOR PERSONAL BUSINESS.
INITIATE INVESTIGATION.
ANYWAY, I JUST DROPPED IN
TO CAUTION YOU
THAT THE SCHOOL DANCE IS
IN TWO WEEKS,
AND SECURITY IS GOING TO BE
ESPECIALLY TIGHT,
SO IF ANYONE IS THINKING
OF RIGGING
A BUCKET OF PIG'S BLOOD
TO THE RAFTERS,
WELL, THEY CAN JUST FORGET IT.
- THERE GOES MY WEEKEND.
- THAT DANCE IS GOING
TO BE COOL.
- YOU CALLOUS OAF!
- WHAT?
- DID YOU FORGET THE LAST DANCE,
WHEN I CAUGHT YOU MAKING OUT
WITH ZOE?
- FOR THE 50TH TIME, BABE,
I WAS FIXING HER NOSE RING.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK,
I'M STUPID AND STUFF?
- HEY, I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
SMART DOESN'T MATTER
WITH A BODY LIKE MINE.
I MEAN YOURS.
- HMM!
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF GUYS
WHO THINK I'M PRETTY AND SMART.
- YOU CAN VISIT THEM
AT THE CEDARS OF LAWNDALE
HEAD INJURY WARD.
- OOH, I'M SICK OF THIS!
MAYBE IT'S TIME I FIND SOMEONE
WHO REALLY APPRECIATES ME.
- MAYBE I SHOULD FIND SOMEONE
WHO REALLY APPRECIATES ME.
- HELLO, MOM?
- THEN YOU JUST GO AHEAD
AND DO THAT,
BECAUSE IT'S... IT'S OVER!
AND THIS TIME, I MEAN IT!
- OH, YEAH?
IT'S DOUBLE OVER FOR ME!
- YOU DON'T REALLY THINK...
- FORGET IT.
THAT SPECIES MATES FOR LIFE.
[school bell rings]
- NOW, REMEMBER,
YOUR HEMINGWAY ESSAYS
ARE DUE IN ONE WEEK.
AND THIS TIME, STACY,
IT'S ERNEST, NOT MARIEL.
- SORRY.
- OH, CLASS, BEFORE YOU GO,
WE'RE STILL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
TO HEAD THE DANCE COMMITTEE.
REMEMBER, TO VOLUNTEER
IS TO SAY, "I CARE."
- DANCE COMMITTEE.
I'LL NEVER WORK
ON ANOTHER DANCE AGAIN.
THEY EXPECT YOU TO DO STUFF,
AND NOW EVERYTHING'S MESSED UP,
AND THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S GOING
TO BLAME ME.
PLUS, I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD TIME
TO FIND SANDALS
TO GO WITH MY NEW HALTER DRESS.
- SANDI, I WARNED YOU,
TO VOLUNTEER IS TO SAY,
"USE ME."
- SANDI, ARE YOU OKAY?
- GEE, QUINN, I THINK
YOU SHOULD VOLUNTEER.
YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD TASTE.
- UM, BUT YOU HAVE
EVEN BETTER TASTE, SANDI.
YOU SHOULD VOLUNTEER.
- I KNOW;
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE JOB
AND APPOINT THE FASHION CLUB
AS YOUR COMMITTEE?
OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T THINK
WE'RE UP TO IT,
THEN JUST SAY SO.
- UM, OKAY.
I GUESS.
MR. O'NEILL, I'LL HEAD
THE DANCE COMMITTEE.
- REALLY?
GREAT!
GET READY TO WORK
LIKE YOU'VE NEVER WORKED BEFORE.
- OH, I'LL HAVE THE FASHION CLUB
TO HELP ME.
RIGHT, GUYS?
GUYS?
- I'VE HAD IT.
KEVIN AND I ARE FINALLY OVER
FOR GOOD.
- IS IT OVER OVER,
LIKE THE TIME HE GOT YOU
A FOOTBALL FOR YOU BIRTHDAY,
OR JUST OVER,
LIKE THE TIME HE THOUGHT
YOUR GOLDFISH NEEDED AIR?
- NO, THIS TIME,
IT'S REALLY OVER OVER,
AND AS FELLOW CHEERLEADERS,
YOU HAVE TO SWEAR
ON A STACK OF POM-POMS
NOT TO GO TO THE DANCE
WITH THAT TWO-TIMING,
SCUM-OF-THE-EARTH KEVIN.
All: WE SOLEMNLY SWEAR
NOT TO GO TO THE DANCE
WITH THAT TWO-TIMING,
SCUM-OF-THE-EARTH KEVIN.
YAY, TEAM!
- SO IT'S AGREED.
NO ONE ASK BRITTANY
TO THE DANCE.
WE'RE MEN.
WE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER.
WE SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.
[all agreeing]
- HI.
- QUINN?
- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
- DON'T GO AWAY.
- YO, GUYS.
GUYS!
- SO I SAID
MAYBE WE SHOULD
GET A VELVET ROPE
AND HIRE A BOUNCER TO KEEP OUT,
YOU KNOW,
THE UNDESIRABLE ELEMENT.
- I REMEMBER THOSE DANCES.
YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT HUMILIATION?
THE ONE TIME I HAD A DATE,
SHE STOOD ME UP
FOR MR. CAMPUS HOT STUFF.
OH, BUT I SHOWED HER.
I WENT ANYWAY!
HOW I WANTED TO WRING
HER LITTLE...
- DARIA, ARE YOU GOING
TO THE DANCE?
- OF COURSE SHE'S NOT GOING.
ONLY A LOSER WOULD GO TO A DANCE
WITHOUT A DATE.
- SCHOOL DANCES SUCK!
- JAKE, HERE.
MAKE A GUEST HOUSE.
- ALL RIGHT!
[doorbell rings]
- DON'T ANYBODY MOVE.
- CHARITY BLOODSUCKERS!
- NO, IT'S THE FASHION
BLOODSUCKERS.
- EVERYONE, PLEASE REMAIN
IN YOUR SEATS
UNTIL MY GUESTS AND I ARE
ALL SAFELY UPSTAIRS.
THANK YOU.
- HOW COME QUINN NEVER
INTRODUCES US TO HER FRIENDS?
- WHY DON'T YOU ASK
THE LITTLE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE IN YOUR POTATOES?
- [sighs]
- SO I WAS THINKING,
SINCE WE'LL ALL BE WEARING
DESIGNER DRESSES,
WE SHOULD HAVE
A FASHION SHOW THEME.
THE DANCE FLOOR COULD BE
ON A RUNWAY,
AND EVERYONE COULD WATCH US
FROM THE SIDELINES.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
- YEAH, REALLY GREAT, QUINN.
- YES, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE
A MOCKERY OF THE RUNWAY
BY HAVING
THE VISUALLY UNACCEPTABLE
WADDLE ALL OVER IT.
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, RIGHT.
- OKAY, THEN MAYBE
SINCE WE'RE ALL WEARING BRONZE,
GOLD, AND COPPER DRESSES,
WE SHOULD HAVE A BRONZE, GOLD,
AND COPPER DANCE.
- OH, THAT'S COOL.
YEAH, GOOD IDEA.
- GREAT, THEN EVERYONE WILL KNOW
WHAT WE'RE WEARING
AHEAD OF TIME,
SO NO ONE WILL BE SURPRISED.
- OOH, SHE HAS A POINT.
- GEE, SANDI, SINCE YOU DON'T
LIKE ANY OF MY IDEAS,
MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU'D LIKE TO DO.
- I THINK WE SHOULD
DECORATE THE GYM
LIKE THE INSIDE OF THE CONCORDE.
- UM, IT'S A CUTE IDEA
AND EVERYTHING,
BUT I'M NOT SURE THERE WOULD BE
MUCH ROOM TO DANCE, AND...
- GEE, QUINN, IF YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO LISTEN TO IDEAS
FROM YOUR OWN DANCE COMMITTEE,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST PLAN
THE DANCE ALONE.
- DON'T BE SILLY.
- SO NOW I'M SILLY?
- I MEANT IT WOULD BE SILLY
FOR ME TO PLAN THE DANCE ALONE
WHEN I HAVE
SUCH A TALENTED COMMITTEE.
I KNOW THE FOUR OF US
CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING
REALLY FUN.
- BUT I ALREADY DID COME UP WITH
SOMETHING REALLY FUN.
- BUT IT'S JUST, WELL,
NOT PRACTICAL.
- MAYBE I SHOULD JUST HAVE
MY OWN PARTY,
SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY THINK
I'M POSTAL.
- I DON'T THINK YOU'RE POSTAL.
- COME ON.
I KNOW A REALLY NICE
INSANE ASYLUM.
- SANDI, I THINK
WHAT QUINN MEANT IS...
EEP!
- BUT I NEED YOU GUYS!
- THEN NEXT TIME,
MAYBE YOU'LL ACT LIKE IT.
- SORRY, QUINN.
- WAIT!
- ♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
- SO, ANGIE, WANT TO GO
TO THE DANCE WITH THE QB?
I'LL DRIVE.
- NO, THANKS, KEVIN.
I'VE GOT PLANS THAT NIGHT TO...
UM, READ A NEWSPAPER.
- HMM, OKAY.
- HEY, QUINN.
- NOT NOW.
- UM, DARIA, CAN I ASK YOU
A PERSONAL QUESTION?
- NO.
- SEE, NORMALLY,
I HAVE NO TROUBLE IN,
YOU KNOW, THE BABE DEPARTMENT,
BUT NOW THEY'RE TREATING ME
LIKE I'M ON THE HONOR ROLL
OR SOMETHING.
- KIDS CAN BE SO CRUEL.
- I CAN'T GET ONE CHEERLEADER
TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME.
I DON'T GET IT.
- MAYBE YOU'RE LOSING
YOUR LOOKS.
- OR MAYBE YOU'RE LOSING
YOUR MIND.
- YOU THINK I'M LOSING MY LOOKS?
- A FACE-LIFT WILL FIX YOU
RIGHT UP.
- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO
TO THE DANCE WITH A CHEERLEADER?
- IT'S NOT
TO MAKE BRITTANY JEALOUS,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
[laughs]
- I'M CONVINCED.
- CHEER UP.
I'M SURE THERE ARE PLENTY
OF NONCHEERLEADERS
WHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO WASTE
THREE HOURS OF THEIR LIVES
AT A DANCE WITH YOU.
- OH, WAIT!
I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
HEY, DARIA, NO OFFENSE,
BUT NO WAY.
I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
- HUH?
- GOTTA GO.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?
- UM, MS. BARCH.
JANET.
MAY I CALL YOU JANET?
NO?
OH, OKAY.
MS. BARCH...
- HI.
- EEP!
- I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT, UM,
MY GREAT AUNT AUDREY
DIED TWO DAYS AGO,
AND I'M TOO UPSET
TO HEAD THE DANCE COMMITTEE.
YOU KNOW, DEATH AND ALL.
OKAY, GOTTA GO.
- QUINN, WAIT.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO HELP YOU
THROUGH THIS TIME
OF BEREAVEMENT...
- ALL RIGHT, SO I DON'T HAVE
A GREAT AUNT AUDREY.
SANDI, STACY, AND TIFFANY
DESERTED ME,
AND NO ONE ELSE WILL HELP,
AND I CAN'T PLAN THE DANCE
ALL BY MYSELF.
- I SEE.
YOU MUST BE FEELING
A LOT OF TEENAGE STRESS
TO MAKE UP
SUCH A FANCIFUL STORY.
- SO I'M OFF THE HOOK?
- QUINN, I'VE GOT A SOLUTION.
I WILL BE YOUR DANCE COMMITTEE.
- EW!
FINE.
I'LL FIND A NEW COMMITTEE.
[sighs]
- JANET, PLEASE DON'T THINK ME
FORWARD OR RANDY
BY ASKING YOU THIS, BUT...
- SO, ANYWAY, I REALLY LOVE
TO DANCE.
OF COURSE, THE BEST PLACE
TO DANCE IS AT A DANCE.
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
- UM, SURE.
I MEAN, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
NO ONE HAS ASKED ME
TO THE DANCE.
AM I LOSING MY LOOKS?
- THEY'RE GAINING THEIR SENSES.
- WHAT?
- BRITTANY,
I COMPLETELY DISAPPROVE
OF THIS RIDICULOUS FIGHT
WITH KEVIN.
- OH.
- BUT IF YOU INSIST
ON TEACHING THE BIG IDIOT
A LESSON,
WHY NOT ASK ROBERT TO THE DANCE?
- BUT HE'S AT DISNEY WORLD
WITH HIS FAMILY
TILL NEXT FRIDAY.
- SO HE DOESN'T KNOW
ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
THAT'S WHY HE'LL SAY YES, SEE?
- WOW, JODIE.
NO WONDER
YOU'RE AN HONOR STUDENT.
- YEAH, ALL THAT NOTE-TAKING
AND STUDYING
IS JUST TO KILL TIME BETWEEN
MY FRIENDS' ROMANTIC CRISES.
- YOU OUGHT TO TRY WATCHING TV.
- HEY, WHAT'S
SHE SO HAPPY ABOUT?
- NOTHIN', HONEY.
- HI, GUYS.
[all greeting]
- I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
DO ME A TEENSY-WEENSY FAVOR.
- I CAN DO IT.
- I GOT YOU COVERED.
- GREAT!
I NEED HELP PLANNING THE DANCE.
- [clears throat]
QUINN, WE'D LIKE TO HELP,
BUT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GUYS.
- HEY, SANDI.
- HI, SANDI.
- GEE, I HOPE EVERYONE HERE
ISN'T TOO BUSY
TO COME TO THE PARTY I'M HAVING
WHILE MY PARENTS
ARE OUT OF TOWN.
[all cheering]
QUINN, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT OUR FIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN CARE
WHO WAS AT FAULT.
I JUST HOPE
YOU'RE NOT STILL MAD.
- I COULD NEVER STAY MAD
AT YOU, SANDI.
- GOOD.
SO YOU'LL BE AT MY PARTY
NEXT SATURDAY.
I MEAN, IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME
WITHOUT YOU, QUINN.
- [chanting] SATURDAY!
SATURDAY! SATURDAY!
- SATURDAY?
BUT THAT'S THE SAME NIGHT
AS THE DANCE.
- [chanting]
DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!
- YOU'RE KIDDING!
I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE DANCE.
GEE, THAT'S TOO, TOO BAD.
I MEAN, I CAN'T UNORDER
ALL THAT FREE PIZZA.
- PIZZA?
- OH, GREAT.
- WELL, I CAN'T UNORDER, UM,
THE FREE SODA AND TACOS
I WAS GOING TO ORDER.
- TACOS!
- OUTDOOR TURBO-JET HOT TUB.
- PREFERRED SEATING
FOR THE POPULAR.
- GREEN DAY ON BIG SCREEN.
- DJ ON DANCE FLOOR.
- MINISKIRTS.
- STRAPLESS!
- [together] WELL?
- MY HEAD HURTS.
- MINE TOO.
- OOH.
- OW!
- WHAT DEADLY NEW DISEASES
CAN YOU PICK UP BY SITTING DOWN?
TOILET SEAT TERROR,
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- NEED SOMEONE
TO COUNT IT FOR YOU?
- $100. IT'S YOURS.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS BE MY DANCE COMMITTEE.
- PUT AWAY THE CASH.
I'LL DO IT FOR FREE.
- YOU WILL?
- SURE.
AND AFTER THAT,
WE CAN PLAY MYSTERY DATE
AND HAVE A TAFFY PULL.
- MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, DARIA.
MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
- NOT SO FAST.
- WHAT?
- WHAT'S THE BUDGET?
YOU KNOW, FOR FOOD, MUSIC,
DECORATIONS.
- $1,000.
WELL, MINUS
THIS DISCRETIONARY FUND.
- THE TIME HAS COME
TO REACH OUT AND BOND
WITH MY FELLOW CLASSMATES.
ORGANIZING A DANCE
IS THE BEST WAY TO SAY,
"JANE LANE WANTS TO BE
YOUR FRIEND."
- WHATEVER.
LET'S DIVIDE EVERYTHING UP.
THIS IS WHAT
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR.
- DECORATIONS,
FURNITURE RENTALS, FOOD, MUSIC.
YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF...
- LOTS OF THINGS.
ANY QUESTIONS?
- HOW MANY PEOPLE...
- OOPS, DATE'S HERE.
GOTTA GO.
- DOES THIS HAVE ANY CONNECTION
WITH THAT BIG ART PIECE
YOU WANT TO DO?
- $1,000 CAN BUY A LOT OF PAINT.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT
OUR DANCING CLASSMATES?
- OH, PUT THIS ASIDE FOR A BAG
OF CHIPS AND A BOOM BOX.
- NOW, JANET, I KNOW
THAT YOU'RE... JANE!
THANK YOU
FOR FINALLY STOPPING BY.
- SORRY, LATE.
NO SLEEP, TWO DAYS.
- BY THE WAY,
DID QUINN GIVE YOU MY LIST
OF SUGGESTIONS?
- WHO?
- I JUST THOUGHT
A DRAMATIC READING OR TWO
WOULD BE A NICE BREAK,
YOU KNOW, IN BETWEEN
ALL THE ROCKING OUT.
- [snoring]
UM, JANET?
I MEAN, MS. JANET.
NO, THAT IS...
- COME ON, SKINNY.
LET'S DANCE.
- SEE HOW THE HANDS GRIP
THE STEERING WHEEL
LIKE HE STILL THINKS HE COULD
DRIVE HIS WAY OUT OF IT?
- YEAH.
MAYBE HE COULD
IF HIS ARMS WERE ATTACHED.
- I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS,
BUT YOUR CONCEPTUAL PIECE
IS A BIG HIT.
- COULDN'T JUST LET ME
ENJOY THE MOMENT, COULD YOU?
ALTHOUGH, I AM IMPRESSED
YOU BRAVED A HIGH SCHOOL DANCE
TO SUPPORT THE ARTS.
- I'VE COME.
I'VE SEEN.
LET'S GO.
- AND NOW, LADIES,
TAKE YOUR MAN BY THE HAND,
AND CLIMB ABOARD
THE ROLLER COASTER TO LOVE.
[purrs]
- YOU MADE UPCHUCK THE DJ?
- I FIGURED IT WAS BEST
TO KEEP HIM OUT OF CIRCULATION.
PLUS, HE HAD ALL THE RIGHT
QUALIFICATIONS.
- HE VOLUNTEERED.
- BINGO.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
MR. O'NEILL SAID
HE'D GIVE ME DETENTION
IF I DIDN'T COME
TO THIS STUPID DANCE.
I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY
PEOPLE DRESS IN DETENTION?
- YEAH, THEY'RE LOSERS.
- I KNOW.
- OH, NO!
WHAT DID SHE DO TO THE GYM?
GUYS, I'M REALLY THIRSTY.
CAN YOU GET ME SOME PUNCH?
NOW?
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
- BEING YOUNG, CAREFREE,
HAVING YOUR WHOLE LIFE
AHEAD OF YOU,
AND DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY
TO CELEBRATE?
OH, AND THE UNTIMELY DEATH
OF JACKSON POLLOCK.
- GREAT, SOME FRIEND OF YOURS
BITES IT IN A CAR CRASH,
AND YOU TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
MY LIFE IS OVER, OKAY?
- YOU'VE DONE WELL.
- COOL DECORATIONS, QUINN.
- REALLY?
- YEAH,
YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD PAINTER.
- THANKS.
COME ON, LET'S DANCE.
- WHICH ONE OF US?
- BOTH, SILLY.
- AND IF YOU LUSCIOUS LOVELIES
OUT THERE ARE WONDERING
WHAT EFFECT YOU HAVE
ON CHARLES RUTTHEIMER III,
WHY, YOU MAKE ME WANNA SHOUT.
- SHE'S GOING TO TAKE
ALL THE CREDIT, ISN'T SHE?
- IT'S THE THING SHE DOES BEST...
THAT AND AVOIDING
LIPSTICK TEETH.
- DOESN'T ROBERT
LOOK HANDSOME TONIGHT?
- STUNNING.
- THANK YOU, MA'AM.
- SO WHERE'S KEVIN?
NOT THAT I CARE.
- HE'S AT SANDI'S PARTY.
- COME, ROBERT.
LET US DANCE.
- YES, MA'AM.
- AND SO WHILE THE BRONCOS
REMAIN SNOWBOUND
OUTSIDE DENVER
INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT,
WE'RE PLEASED TO BRING YOU
THIS ENCORE PRESENTATION
OF 50 YEARS OF OFF-BROADWAY
CHOREOGRAPHY.
- GUYS, THIS, UM...
- SUCKS?
- YEAH.
- HEY, SANDI,
IS QUINN COMING OVER?
- AND WHERE'S BRITTANY?
NOT THAT I CARE.
- I BELIEVE THEY'RE
AT THE DANCE.
YOU KNOW, WITH THE LOSERS.
NOW, WHO WANTS TO TRY OUT
THOSE NEW JETS IN MY HOT TUB?
- UM, I'LL GO CHANGE.
- OH, ME TOO.
- GOOD IDEA.
- THEY LOOK TERRIBLE OUT THERE.
- WE'VE GOT TO TELL HER
FOR HER OWN GOOD.
- ISN'T ROBERT A DREAMY DANCER?
MUCH BETTER THAN KEVIN.
- BRITTANY, HONEY, YOUR DATE
DANCES LIKE A BIG GEEK,
AND I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
- [crying]
- UH-OH.
WE'VE BEEN SPOTTED.
- WELL, I DON'T FEEL LIKE
TALKING TO ANYONE.
- THAT'S A SHOCKER.
DON'T WORRY,
I'LL GET RID OF THEM.
- HI.
COOL DECORATIONS, HUH?
- HAVE A SEAT.
- THAT'S TELLING 'EM.
- I'M BRAD, AND THIS IS
MY BROTHER, BRETT.
WE'RE FROM CUMBERLAND HIGH.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WE TRAVEL AROUND ON WEEKENDS
TRYING TO FIND A HIGH SCHOOL
MORE SCREWED UP THAN OURS.
- AND?
- CONGRATULATIONS.
YOUR TROPHY WILL ARRIVE
IN SIX TO TEN BUSINESS DAYS.
- NOW LET'S SLOW THINGS DOWN
SO WE CAN HEAT THINGS UP,
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
[purrs]
- EW!
GET YOUR BIG, SWEATY HANDS
OFF OF ME!
I DON'T SLOW DANCE
UNTIL AFTER THE FIFTH DATE.
- HI, QUINN.
DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?
- COME ON.
DANCE WITH ME FIRST.
- HOW COME YOU GUYS AREN'T
AT SANDI'S PARTY?
- IT, UM...
- SUCKED.
- SUCKED.
- GEE, THAT'S TOO, TOO BAD.
- I'M SORRY YOU'RE NOT
FEELING WELL, MA'AM.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
CAN I DRIVE YOU ANYWHERE?
HOW ABOUT...
- THANKS, ROBERT.
BUT I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
- I GOT YOU THE WRONG COLOR
CORSAGE, DIDN'T I?
IF THE CHOCOLATES
WERE TOO CHOCOLATE,
JUST TELL ME.
- YOU KNOW, WE REALLY SHOULD
SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT THAT GUACAMOLE
ON THE FLOOR
BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE
SPRAINS THEIR ANKLE.
- YEAH, WE REALLY SHOULD.
- MM.
- SO I WAS READING THIS BOOK
ON JEFFREY DAHMER...
- HEY, KEVIN.
- NO ONE MESSES
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND BUT ME!
DIE!
YEAH!
- BOY, THOSE GUYS MUST
REALLY LIKE BRITTANY A LOT
TO FIGHT OVER HER.
- HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA
TAKING QUINN TO THE DANCE?
- YEAH, THAT'S OUR JOB.
- OH, DEAR.
- WHERE ARE ALL THE GUYS?
I MEAN, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
THEM TO CHANGE?
- I HEARD A BUNCH OF CARS
LEAVING EARLIER.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU
SAY ANYTHING?
- I FIGURED THEY BELONGED
TO A REALLY BIG FAMILY.
- EW, LOOK!
I'M GETTING ALL PRUNY.
- STACY, THAT IS
SO UNATTRACTIVE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU EVEN SHOWED ME.
COME ON, LET'S CHANGE
AND GO TO THE DANCE,
UNLESS STACY HAS SOMETHING ELSE
REALLY GROSS TO SHOW US.
- SO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO
TO JOE'S DINER?
THE FOOD'S INEDIBLE,
AND ONE OF THE WAITERS
IS A SCHIZOPHRENIC.
- THINK WE CAN GET IN?
- COOL.
LET ME TELL CHUCK SO HE CAN
MEET UP WITH US LATER.
- WAIT.
YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH UPCHUCK?
- HE'S OUR COUSIN.
WE CAME TO SEE HIS DJ ACT.
- [growls]
- UM...
- I JUST REMEMBERED...
- I THINK I HAVE TO BE
SOMEWHERE...
- ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
- OH, KEVIE,
I ONLY KISSED ROBERT
TO GET EVEN WITH YOU
FOR KISSING ZOE.
IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
AND NOW I KNOW
YOU REALLY DO LOVE ME
AND YOU REALLY MEAN IT
WHEN YOU SAY
SMART DOESN'T MATTER,
ALTHOUGH I THINK
I'M SMARTER THAN YOU THINK I AM,
ALTHOUGH I KNOW I'M NOT SMARTER
THAN THE REALLY SMART,
SMART PEOPLE.
SO I FORGIVE YOU!
KEVIE?
KEVIE?
- [mutters]
- SON, I WOULDN'T TRY TO TALK
WITH THAT BROKEN JAW.
- A BROKEN JAW?
FOR ME?
- [muffled scream]
- LET'S DO THE MATH
ONE MORE TIME.
YOUR DANCE DECORATIONS
WERE A HUGE HIT.
- PLUS.
- BUT MY SISTER MANAGED TO TAKE
COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THEM.
- MINUS.
- WE HUNG OUT WITH A COUPLE
OF GUYS WHO WEREN'T SO BAD.
- PLUS.
- BUT THEY TURNED OUT
TO BE CARRIERS
OF THE DREADED RUTTHEIMER GENE.
- BIG MINUS.
- SO WE'RE MORE OR LESS EVEN
ON THE NIGHT.
- DARN.
AND IT CAME SO CLOSE
TO TURNING OUT SEMIDECENT.
- OH, MY GOD.
- OPEN UP.
- LET US IN.
- OPEN THIS DOOR.
- HELLO!
- [together] PLUS!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA, LA-LA ♪