Daria (1997–2001): Season 3, Episode 4 - Depth Takes a Holiday - full transcript
A fantasy show in which Daria and Jane must convince Christmas, Halloween, and Guy Fawkes Day to return to Holiday Island.
- ♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
- THE WORLD'S LARGEST
NATIVITY SCENE IN AUGUST?
ATLANTA MALL MANAGER
GIFFORD JONES.
- NATIVITIES MEAN CHRISTMAS,
AND CHRISTMAS MEANS REVENUE.
DON'T HAVE TO BE A WISE MAN
TO FIGURE THAT OUT.
- THE SAVIOR WENT DOWN
TO GEORGIA TONIGHT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- COULD THEY MAKE THE HOLIDAYS
ANY MORE VULGAR?
- I HOPE SO.
- WHAT?
- THE MORE DEBASED THEY BECOME,
THE LESS REASON THERE IS
TO CELEBRATE THEM.
THAT MEANS THE LESS REASON
FOR MY FAMILY TO GET TOGETHER
UNTIL, PRESTO, I'M FINALLY ALONE
ON THANKSGIVING
WITH A TV DINNER.
- SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF YOU'RE TOO CYNICAL
EVEN FOR ME.
- REALLY? YOU THINK?
- NO.
I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
- NOT ANOTHER STEP, LASSIE.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL SIGN.
- WHAT?
- YOUR PETITION FOR AN
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES PARADE.
WHERE'S THE PEN?
- WE NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU, MISS.
- IT'S COOL.
WE COME IN PEACE.
- WHO ARE YOU?
- SORRY, WE CAN'T TELL YOU.
WE'RE ON A SECRET MISSION.
- FOR NOW, LET'S JUST SAY HE'S
THE ST. PATRICK'S DAY LEPRECHAUN
AND I'M CUPID.
- OH, YOU IDIOT.
THAT'S WHO WE REALLY ARE.
- DUDE, YOU AND I KNOW THAT,
BUT THIS CHICK DOESN'T.
- WELL, NOW THAT YOU'VE SPILLED
THE BEANS
AND ADMITTED YOU'RE CRAZY,
TELL ME ABOUT
THE SECRET MISSION.
- WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE
THAT CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND GUY FAWKES DAY
HAVE LEFT HOLIDAY ISLAND
AND COME HERE TO LAWNDALE.
- GUY FAWKES DAY?
- ENGLISH DUDE.
- THE BASTARD.
- AND WHERE IS HOLIDAY ISLAND?
- WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY
IN YOUR HEART,
BUT, REALLY, IT'S THROUGH
A DIMENSIONAL WORMHOLE
IN BACK OF THE GOOD TIME
CHINESE RESTAURANT.
- OH, CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND GUY FAWKES DAY
CAME TO LAWNDALE
FOR CHINESE FOOD.
- OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S JUST STUPID.
THEY CAME HERE TO START A BAND.
- KIND OF A HIP-HOP, PUNK,
ELECTRONICA VIBE.
THEY'RE NOT BAD,
BUT THEY NEED A GUITAR PLAYER.
OH.
- SHUT UP.
ARE YOU GONNA HELP US
GET THEM BACK OR NOT?
- OH, CERTAINLY.
YOU JUST PROVED TO ME THAT
YOU'RE REALLY A LEPRECHAUN
AND HE'S REALLY CUPID.
AND MY WINGED HORSE PEGASUS
AND I WILL BE AT YOUR SERVICE.
- SOUNDS FAIR.
HERE THEN, SMELL THIS.
[exhales forcefully]
- GROSS, BEER.
- GREEN BEER.
AND I DON'T EVEN DRINK.
IT'S CONGENITAL.
- THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING.
- MY TURN.
NOW, YOU SHOULD FEEL RELAXED
AND WARM.
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
EVERYTHING IS LOVE, BABY.
AND THE NEXT WORD
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
WILL BE THAT PARTICULAR SOMEONE
WHO MAKES YOU FEEL
LIKE QUEEN CLEOPATRA.
- TRENT.
OH.
- OH.
- NOW SHE'S DEFINITELY NOT
GONNA HELP US.
- I KNOW, BUT IT'S STILL
A COOL TRICK.
- MAYBE TO YOU.
AND TURN OFF
THAT BLEEDIN' MUSIC.
- SORRY.
- DARIA, WHAT HAPPENED?
- ARE YOU OKAY?
- YEAH.
- JAKE, I'M ON IT.
- OH.
- THAT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU CAN TAKE A BREAK.
- YOU SAID YOU WERE ON IT.
- DID SHE GIVE US UP?
- I CAN'T TELL, DUDE.
HER PARENTS ARE ALL LIKE,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
- THEN SHUT THEM UP.
- RIGHT.
HELLO, LOVERS.
- HOW CAN ANYONE HAVE SO LITTLE
INSTINCT FOR PARENTING?
[electrical zapping]
- BULL'S-EYE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
I DON'T DESERVE YOU, HELEN.
- OH, YES, YOU DO, JAKEY.
- THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
- WHAT DID SHE SAY?
- NEVER MIND THAT.
WE'RE ALONE.
BLISSFULLY...
- ALONE.
[smooching sounds]
- DAD, CAN I HAVE A...
EW.
I NEED A SHOWER.
- COOL THOUGHTS.
A RIVER RUNNING TO THE OCEAN
FAR FROM HERE.
[knocking]
- SO YOU'LL HELP US, RIGHT?
- WHY NOT?
I'M OBVIOUSLY HAVING SOME KIND
OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
I'LL JUST RIDE IT OUT
AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES ME,
ZELDA FITZGERALD STYLE.
[knocking on door]
- DARIA, SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MOM AND DAD.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
- UM, MY IMAGINARY FRIEND.
- OKAY, I'LL COME BACK.
- THE GIRL MUSTN'T KNOW
ABOUT US.
- RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
BE SEEN BY OTHER MORTALS.
- SEEING IS OKAY.
IT'S HAVING TO TALK
TO THAT LITTLE TWIT
THAT'D DRIVE US CRAZY.
- ARE WE DONE HERE?
YOU'RE GETTING HEAVY.
- OH, SHUT UP, YOU BLOODY...
IDIOT!
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- MY IMAGINARY FRIEND FELL DOWN.
- GOD, DARIA,
EVEN YOUR IMAGINARY FRIENDS
ARE EMBARRASSING.
- WELL, YOU LEAD AN INTERESTING
LIFE WHEN I'M NOT AROUND.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING
SOME OUT-OF-SEASON NOG PERHAPS?
- LOOK, I FEEL STUPID ENOUGH
AS IT IT.
JUST DON'T TELL...
- HEY, TRENT, DARIA WAS
WONDERING IF YOU'VE HEARD
OF ANY NEW HIP-HOP PUNK
ELECTRONICA BANDS IN TOWN,
AND IF SO, DO THEY INCLUDE
CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND GUY FAWKES DAY?
- JANE.
- YEAH.
THEY'RE COMING OVER TO JAM.
Both: WHAT?
All: YO.
- YO.
- YO.
- OH, GOD.
YOU'RE CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?
- I PREFER X.
- SHORT FOR X-MAS.
- I GOT IT.
- YOU KNOW THESE GUYS, DARIA?
- WELL, I KNOW THEY'RE WANTED
BACK AT HOLIDAY ISLAND.
- THIS IS WHY WE NEED
CLOSED REHEARSALS, MAN.
- GREAT, A WEEK IN TOWN
AND WE'VE GOT OUR FIRST NARC.
- BOLLOCKS.
- COME ON, MAN.
DARIA'S COOL.
- SHE DOESN'T ACT
LIKE SHE'S COOL.
- SURE, SHE'S COOL.
COME ON, DARIA,
DO SOMETHING COOL.
- UM, ANYONE FOR PIZZA?
MY TREAT.
- THIS CHICK IS COOL.
- WHAT DO YOU CARE
IF WE GO BACK TO HOLIDAY ISLAND?
- ALL I CARE ABOUT
IS THAT THIS DREAM
ISN'T THE FIRST SIGN
OF A BRAIN TUMOR.
- WHAT'S SO BAD
ABOUT HOLIDAY ISLAND ANYWAY?
- FOR ONE THING, YOU HAVE
TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN FORCED
TO SPREAD LOVE AND JOY
24 HOURS A DAY?
- I BELIEVE ON THAT ONE
I CAN GO WITH A DEFINITE NO.
- WELL, IT'S LIKE, MMM,
BOLLOCKS, IS WHAT IT'S LIKE.
- YEAH, BOLLOCKS.
- WE THOUGHT WE MIGHT FIND
YOU BURNOUTS HERE.
- SHUT YOUR GOB,
YOU LITTLE GOON.
- SOD OFF, YOU BRITISH WANKER.
- SOCCER RIOT.
- HEY.
I'M SORRY,
BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU.
IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK
TO HOLIDAY ISLAND,
I SUPPORT THEIR CHOICE.
- BUT THEN THERE'LL BE
NO CHRISTMAS OR HALLOWEEN
OR GUY FAWKES DAY.
- NO GUY FAWKES DAY?
WAH.
- I'M WARNING YOU.
THIS IS GONNA SCREW UP
THE NATURAL ORDER.
- THAT'S DARIA'S LIFE MISSION.
- EXCELLENT.
THEN MAYBE WE CAN CRASH
AT YOUR HOUSE FOR A WHILE.
- OH, NO.
- DON'T BE STUPID, DARIA.
THAT ENGLISH ONE IS CUTE.
[jazzy instrumental music]
♪ ♪
- OH.
[laughter]
[smooching]
- OH, JAKEY, YES.
- EW.
AND THEN AS IF THAT
WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH,
NOW THEY'RE THINKING
OF HAVING ANOTHER BABY.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- WHY ELSE WOULD THEY BE,
YOU KNOW...
[shudders]
- WHOA, YEAH.
THAT IS THE WORST
AND THE CRUELEST THING
THEY COULD DO TO YOU.
- IT'S NO FAIR
MAKING A POPULAR PERSON COMPETE
WITH A NEW BABY.
- REALLY, THEY'RE SO CUTE
WHEN THEY SMILE AT YOU.
HELLO, PRECIOUS.
- SANDY.
- OH, SORRY.
- I'VE GOT TO FOLLOW THEM AROUND
AND MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
- WELL, TRY NOT
TO STAY UP TOO LATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES
TO YOUR SKIN.
- SANDY, YOU'RE SUCH
A GOOD FRIEND.
- I KNOW.
- DARIA, WE'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT MOM AND DAD...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'VE GOT THREE FUGITIVE
HOLIDAYS STAYING IN MY ROOM.
HOW IS YOUR DAY GOING?
- GREAT.
NOW, WHO ARE THEY REALLY?
- AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS,
THESE ARE ACTUAL HOLIDAY SPIRITS
ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW.
- THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH YOU BRAINS.
YOU THINK LYING IS CHILD'S PLAY.
- SEE, CUPID SHOT MOM AND DAD
FULL OF LOVE
SO I'D HELP HIM GET THESE GUYS
BACK TO HOLIDAY ISLAND.
- ARE YOU TAKING SOME KIND
OF EXPERIMENTAL
DEPRESSION MEDICINE?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- TOO BAD.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT
WHEN THE NEW BABY ARRIVES.
- OH, HE'S NOT A BABY.
HE'S A LEPRECHAUN.
- THAT DARIA CHICK
IS GONNA SCREW EVERYTHING UP
A LOT WORSE THAN SHE THINKS.
- DUDE, RELAX; WE'LL FIND
SOMEBODY ELSE TO HELP US.
- EASY FOR YOU TO RELAX.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN OPPRESSED
FOR FOUR CENTURIES.
- OH, YEAH?
ANYBODY EVER MAKE YOU FLY AROUND
IN A DIAPER?
JUST LOVE AND BE LOVED
AND TRY TO COOL OUT.
- WILL YOU STOP
WITH THE IDIOTIC VOICE?
IT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND
LIKE ELVIS.
HERE, NOW,
LET ME DO THE TALKING.
- SO THEN I SAID,
"COME ON, LADIES,
LET'S KICK SOME BUTT."
AND I THINK
THAT REALLY MOTIVATED THE GUYS,
CALLING THEM LADIES, I MEAN.
- YOU'RE SO SMART, KEVY.
CAN I HELP YOU?
- 'TIS OUR FOND WISH, LASSIE.
YOU SEE, SOME FRIENDS OF OURS
HAVE COME TO LAWNDALE,
AND WE'RE HOPING YOU CAN HELP
TALK THEM
INTO GOING BACK HOME WITH US.
- NO PROBLEM.
I CAN TALK ANYBODY
INTO DOING ANYTHING.
- YEAH.
HE DOES IT TO ME ALL THE TIME.
- WE'LL JUST TELL 'EM
WHAT A COOL PLACE LAWNDALE IS.
- NO, WE WANT YOU
TO DO THE OPPOSITE.
- [chuckles]
THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT?
- WE WANT YOU TO TALK THEM
INTO LEAVING LAWNDALE.
- BUT THEY JUST GOT HERE,
RIGHT?
- REALLY, YOU DUDES NEED
TO GET YOUR STORIES STRAIGHT.
- WE'RE GONNA NEED
THE SMART CHICK.
AND DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX.
- DUDE, FOR ONCE,
I AGREE WITH YOU.
- AND THAT CONCLUDES THE REPORT
OF THE ACCESSORY COMMITTEE.
- GREAT.
WASN'T THAT GREAT, QUINN?
QUINN?
- OH.
- WHAT'S WRONG, QUINN?
YOU SEEM
UNCHARACTERISTICALLY SLOPPY.
- MY, GOD.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
A NEW LOOK, ARE YOU?
- HAVEN'T SLEPT.
MUST STAY ALERT.
CAN'T ALLOW PARENTS
TO HAVE BABY.
- QUINN, WHY DON'T YOU GET
THAT GIRL WHO LIVES WITH YOU
TO FOLLOW YOUR PARENTS AROUND?
- SHE HAS HOLIDAYS
STAYING WITH HER.
- HOLIDAYS?
- CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND FOLKS DAY.
- QUINN, HONEY,
I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE
A LEAVE OF ABSENCE
FROM THE FASHION CLUB.
- WHAT? NO.
- REALLY, GET SOME SLEEP AND
COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE NOT SO...
- CREATIVE.
- [whistling]
NAME THAT TUNE.
- JANE'S THEME?
- DAMN YOU, WOMAN.
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE SPIRIT
OF NAGGING AND HIS FRIEND.
- HOW ABOUT A LITTLE WALK?
I'M BUYING.
- YOU'RE BUYING WHAT?
- OH, WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
WHEN WE GET THERE.
- WELL, THE MALL.
YOU HOLIDAYS SURE KNOW HOW
TO SHOW A GIRL A HOLIDAY.
- LOOK CLOSELY, LASSIE.
LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
HAS COME TO A HALT.
CHECK OUT
THE UNSOLD HALLOWEEN CANDY.
- FEWER CAVITIES.
THAT'S GOOD.
- SEE ALL THE TOYS THAT KIDS
WON'T BE GETTING THIS CHRISTMAS?
[toys whirring]
- KIDS ARE TOO MATERIALISTIC
ANYWAY.
- DAMN IT, DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY CONSCIENCE AT ALL?
- NOW WHAT HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES
FOLLOW THE DISAPPEARANCE
OF GUY FAWKES DAY?
- WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
- YOU SEE, DARIA?
YOU REALLY HAD A WONDERFUL LIFE.
- WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- SHAVING CREAM?
- STUPID. MORONIC.
- UH-HUH.
- UTTER TRIPE.
- YEAH, I GOT, LIKE...
- OH, WHAT'S WITH
THIS FAKE COBWEB STUFF?
- I'M ON THE PHONE.
AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FAKE?
- YUCK.
- HAVE YOU NOTICED
HOW COMPLETELY IMBECILIC
YOUR COUNTRY IS?
- OH, REALLY?
- HE'S CUTE.
SO WHY DO I WANT
TO DECK HIM ALL THE TIME?
- HEY, I CAN'T FIND
ANY SUGAR-COATED COOKIES.
WHERE'S YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?
- I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ANYMORE.
- YOU DON'T, BUT I NEED
ONE OF THOSE LITTLE COTTAGES
ALL MADE OUT OF GINGERBREAD.
- I'M AFRAID WE'RE FRESH OUT
OF HOUSE-SHAPED FOOD.
- FIGURES.
- HOLD ON.
YOU GOT A LICENSE?
- A LEARNER'S PERMIT.
- [scoffs] YOU THINK YOUR DAD
COULD DRIVE ME AND SOME FRIENDS
TO A RICH NEIGHBORHOOD
WITH A LOT OF TREES?
- UH, I DON'T KNOW.
- JUST GET THE TOILET PAPER,
MEET ME OUT FRONT,
AND WE'LL PLAY IT BY EAR.
OH, AND DON'T FORGET THE EGGS.
- WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?
- AREN'T YOU NOSY?
YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE
SOMEONE NOT FEEL AT HOME.
- EXCUSE ME,
BUT THIS IS MY HOME.
- DO YOU OWN IT?
- NO.
- THEN IT'S NOT REALLY YOURS,
IS IT?
- OKAY, FREELOADERS, THERE'S NOT
A BAKED GOOD IN THE PLACE.
SO I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GO
TO TRENT'S AND REHEARSE.
- GOOD, MAYBE
WE'LL SOUND DECENT FOR ONCE.
- SHUT UP.
- YOU SHUT UP.
- BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP.
[mingled arguing]
- WELL, NOW WE KNOW
WHY PEOPLE ONLY WANT THEM
TO COME AROUND ONCE A YEAR.
- REALLY, LET'S JUST HOPE
WE NEVER MEET LEAP YEAR.
- AREN'T YOUR PARENTS
FREAKING OUT?
- MY PARENTS
AREN'T QUITE THEMSELVES.
- HEY, KIDS,
ISN'T IT A GREAT DAY?
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT
WHEN IT'S OVERCAST?
- OKAY, BE QUIET.
- DARIA, YOU'VE MADE
SOME NEW FRIENDS.
RACE YOU TO THE BEDROOM, HONEY.
- YOU'RE ON.
- SHUT UP.
- DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY.
- OKAY, THE MALL I DON'T MIND.
I CAN HANDLE SHARING SPACE
WITH JERKS.
BUT THIS IS THE LAST STRAW.
I THINK WE HAVE TO GO
TO HOLIDAY ISLAND.
- I GUESS SO.
LET'S FIND THOSE OTHER TWO GUYS.
[knocking]
- MMM. MMM-MMM.
- WOW, HOLIDAY ISLAND HAS A GOOD
TIME CHINESE RESTAURANT TOO?
- IT'S A CHAIN.
- WHERE ARE ALL THE HOLIDAYS?
THIS PLACE LOOKS DEAD.
- THIS IS JUST
FOR THE TOURISTS, DUDE.
- YEAH, ALL THE HOLIDAYS
ARE OVER THERE.
- OH, NO.
- THIS IS JUST LIKE
A HIGH SCHOOL.
- YOU KNOW, I GET THE FEELING
WE'LL BE SAYING THAT
ALL OUR LIVES.
- IT ONLY SEEMS
LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
ACTUALLY, IT'S MUCH WORSE.
- THAT'S WHAT WE'LL BE SAYING
ALL OUR LIVES.
- WHO ARE ALL THESE HOLIDAYS?
- BUNCH OF SAINTS DAYS.
WHO CAN KEEP TRACK?
- THIS DOESN'T SEEM SO BAD.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- THE PROBLEM?
EVER SINCE CHRISTMAS
AND HALLOWEEN LEFT,
THE SOCIAL ORDER
HAS GONE TOTALLY HAYWIRE.
- THEY WERE, LIKE,
THE TWO COOLEST KIDS IN SCHOOL.
THEY RAN THE PLACE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THANKSGIVING TRIED TO STEP UP,
BUT HE'S GOT A LOT
OF SCREWED UP FAMILY PROBLEMS
AND ALWAYS GETS DEPRESSED
BY THE END OF THE DAY.
- SO NOW WHO'S IN CHARGE?
- PRESIDENT'S DAY.
- YO, ARBOR DAY, SANDALS?
WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT FOOTWEAR?
- BUT...
- I CANNOT TELL A LIE.
YOU ARE HATCHET CITY, MAN.
- YES, SIR.
- HEY, VETERANS DAY,
TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY.
OF THE PEOPLE,
BY THE PEOPLE...
- FOR THE PRESIDENTS.
- AND THEY SEEMED SO NICE
IN THE APPLIANCE STORE ADS.
- UH-OH,
HERE COMES MEMORIAL DAY.
- YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
LINCOLN'S GONNA MAKE ME RECITE
THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
CALL HIM OFF.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.
WE'LL HELP.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
- GET OFF ME.
[grunting and groaning]
- HEY, JANEY, DARIA.
- HEY.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- REHEARSAL.
- INTERESTING SOUND.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?
- CHRISTMAS AND GUY FAWKES DAY
ARE PISSED OFF
BECAUSE HALLOWEEN GOT A JOB
AT COFFEE CAFE,
AND SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO SHARE HER PAYCHECK.
- WHY WOULD SHE WANT
TO SHARE HER PAYCHECK?
- EXACTLY.
- GET YOUR OWN JOB.
- POURING COFFEE'S FOR WANKERS.
- HUH?
- OKAY, EVERYBODY.
- WHAT?
- ENOUGH.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I TOLD YOU
I GOT YOU A PAYING GIG?
- WELL, I'D PROBABLY SAY...
BOLLOCKS.
BUT THAT'S JUST
A NATURAL REFLEX.
- SHUT UP.
- NO, YOU SHUT UP.
WHERE ARE WE PLAYING?
- BUT PROMS ARE FOR TOSSERS.
- COME ON.
A GIG'S A GIG.
- WHOA, DARIA, YOU REALLY KNOW
A LOT ABOUT MUSIC.
- HONEY, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN
SINCE WE TOOK A WALK?
- TOO LONG.
FROM NOW ON,
LET'S WALK EVERY DAY.
- HI, GUYS,
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- QUINN.
WELL, YOUR FATHER AND I
ARE TAKING A WALK,
JUST A BORING OLD WALK.
- YEAH, A DUMB OLD STUPID WALK
AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH FUN,
DOES IT?
- AU CONTRAIRE, SOUNDS GREAT.
LET'S GO,
JUST US GUYS.
- YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED
TO BE SEEN WITH US?
WHAT IF ONE
OF YOUR FELLOWS COME BY?
- [thinking]
MUST BE STRONG, QUINN.
BE STRONG.
[out loud] EMBARRASSED?
OF COURSE NOT.
HANGING OUT WITH YOUR PARENTS
IS CONSIDERED COOL THESE DAYS.
[thinking] QUINN, YOU RULE.
[stereo blaring rock music]
- HEY, QUINN.
UH-OH, KEEP DRIVING.
SHE MUST BE IN TROUBLE.
[tires squeal]
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LET YOU
TALK US INTO COMING BACK.
- REALLY, IS ANY GIG WORTH THIS?
- COME ON, THE SHOW MUST GO ON
OR SOMETHING.
- FINALLY.
HURRY UP AND GET INSIDE.
PEOPLE WANT TO DANCE.
- YOU'RE THE DJ?
THAT'S IT.
WE'RE BOYCOTTING.
- UH-OH.
- THE PRESIDENTS
AREN'T GONNA LIKE THIS.
OR MAYBE THEY WILL.
- YOU MEAN THOSE COLONIAL
WANKERS ARE IN CHARGE?
- NOT ANYMORE.
- ALL RIGHT, I HOPE YOU PEOPLE
ARE READY TO DANCE
BECAUSE WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT
ALL THE WAY FROM LAWNDALE
THE HOLIDAYS.
[cheering]
- HOLD ON.
THEY SAID THEY WERE TOO GOOD
FOR US.
- YEAH, FOUR SCORE
AND SEVEN YEARS...
- SHUT UP.
WE WANT TO DANCE.
- GET OFF THE STAGE,
NIB-KNOB.
[all booing]
- WELL, HISTORY
IS JUST AS POPULAR HERE
AS IT IS IN LAWNDALE.
- ALL RIGHT, THE HOLIDAYS.
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ SO I'M A BLEEDIN' HOLIDAY ♪
♪ THERE'S MORE
TO MY LIFE THAN THAT, I SAY ♪
♪ I GOT NORMAL DREAMS,
NORMAL DESIRES ♪
♪ WANT TO DRIVE A NORMAL CAR
WITH NORMAL TIRES ♪
♪ YEAH, I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ OH YEAH ♪
[applause]
[singing gibberish]
THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.
- WE'VE GOT PARTIES BOOKED
FOR THE NEXT YEAR.
THIS IS AWESOME.
- UM, I KIND OF HAVE TO GET BACK
TO MY BAND.
WE'RE VOTING ON A NEW NAME.
- BUT WE NEED YOU.
COME ON, MAN, WE'RE MAKING
ELECTRONICA HISTORY.
- HEY, NO PROBLEM.
I FOUND YOU A REPLACEMENT.
MEET HOLIDAY ISLAND'S NUMBER ONE
HARPSICHORD PLAYER,
ACOUSTIC AND ELECTRIC.
- LET'S SHRED.
- I LIKE IT.
MAN, YOU'RE IN.
- SHOULD I CARE THAT NONE
OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE?
- NOPE.
THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS,
HALLOWEEN, VALENTINES,
ST. PATRICK'S, PRESIDENT'S
AND GUY FAWKES DAY EVER.
- AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE
TO BUY A STUPID CARD.
- BYE.
- SO LONG.
- OKAY, YEAH, WELL...
- CATCH YOU LATER.
- BYE.
- LATER, MAN, TAKE IT EASY.
- I THANK YOU KINDLY.
YOU'VE SAVED THE HOLIDAYS.
- ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
- AND IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU,
WHEN YOU'VE REACHED
THE LEGAL DRINKING AGE THAT IS,
LET ME KNOW.
- WHAT ABOUT MY PARENTS?
CAN YOU AT LEAST RECOMMEND
A DOCTOR?
- NO NEED, DUDE.
- YOU KNOW, QUINN,
IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE HAVING
YOU AROUND SO MUCH LATELY.
- IT HAS BEEN NICE,
VERY NICE.
- NICE?
IT'S BEEN THE MOST BORING,
WORST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
GO AHEAD AND HAVE
YOUR STUPID BABY.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
- YOU'RE PREGNANT?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- WE CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER KID,
HELEN.
- WELL, I'M NOT PREGNANT.
AND THAT'S NOT A VERY NICE
THING TO SAY, BY THE WAY.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING,
AND I AM SICK OF IT.
I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE MY LIFE
LIKE SOME KIND OF MONK
IN A NUNNERY.
- ACTUALLY...
- WELL, DON'T BLAME ME.
- OH, OH...
- GET OFF MY BACK, HELEN.
LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
- GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE.
- ♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
[driving rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
- THE WORLD'S LARGEST
NATIVITY SCENE IN AUGUST?
ATLANTA MALL MANAGER
GIFFORD JONES.
- NATIVITIES MEAN CHRISTMAS,
AND CHRISTMAS MEANS REVENUE.
DON'T HAVE TO BE A WISE MAN
TO FIGURE THAT OUT.
- THE SAVIOR WENT DOWN
TO GEORGIA TONIGHT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- COULD THEY MAKE THE HOLIDAYS
ANY MORE VULGAR?
- I HOPE SO.
- WHAT?
- THE MORE DEBASED THEY BECOME,
THE LESS REASON THERE IS
TO CELEBRATE THEM.
THAT MEANS THE LESS REASON
FOR MY FAMILY TO GET TOGETHER
UNTIL, PRESTO, I'M FINALLY ALONE
ON THANKSGIVING
WITH A TV DINNER.
- SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF YOU'RE TOO CYNICAL
EVEN FOR ME.
- REALLY? YOU THINK?
- NO.
I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
- NOT ANOTHER STEP, LASSIE.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL SIGN.
- WHAT?
- YOUR PETITION FOR AN
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES PARADE.
WHERE'S THE PEN?
- WE NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU, MISS.
- IT'S COOL.
WE COME IN PEACE.
- WHO ARE YOU?
- SORRY, WE CAN'T TELL YOU.
WE'RE ON A SECRET MISSION.
- FOR NOW, LET'S JUST SAY HE'S
THE ST. PATRICK'S DAY LEPRECHAUN
AND I'M CUPID.
- OH, YOU IDIOT.
THAT'S WHO WE REALLY ARE.
- DUDE, YOU AND I KNOW THAT,
BUT THIS CHICK DOESN'T.
- WELL, NOW THAT YOU'VE SPILLED
THE BEANS
AND ADMITTED YOU'RE CRAZY,
TELL ME ABOUT
THE SECRET MISSION.
- WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE
THAT CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND GUY FAWKES DAY
HAVE LEFT HOLIDAY ISLAND
AND COME HERE TO LAWNDALE.
- GUY FAWKES DAY?
- ENGLISH DUDE.
- THE BASTARD.
- AND WHERE IS HOLIDAY ISLAND?
- WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY
IN YOUR HEART,
BUT, REALLY, IT'S THROUGH
A DIMENSIONAL WORMHOLE
IN BACK OF THE GOOD TIME
CHINESE RESTAURANT.
- OH, CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND GUY FAWKES DAY
CAME TO LAWNDALE
FOR CHINESE FOOD.
- OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S JUST STUPID.
THEY CAME HERE TO START A BAND.
- KIND OF A HIP-HOP, PUNK,
ELECTRONICA VIBE.
THEY'RE NOT BAD,
BUT THEY NEED A GUITAR PLAYER.
OH.
- SHUT UP.
ARE YOU GONNA HELP US
GET THEM BACK OR NOT?
- OH, CERTAINLY.
YOU JUST PROVED TO ME THAT
YOU'RE REALLY A LEPRECHAUN
AND HE'S REALLY CUPID.
AND MY WINGED HORSE PEGASUS
AND I WILL BE AT YOUR SERVICE.
- SOUNDS FAIR.
HERE THEN, SMELL THIS.
[exhales forcefully]
- GROSS, BEER.
- GREEN BEER.
AND I DON'T EVEN DRINK.
IT'S CONGENITAL.
- THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING.
- MY TURN.
NOW, YOU SHOULD FEEL RELAXED
AND WARM.
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
EVERYTHING IS LOVE, BABY.
AND THE NEXT WORD
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
WILL BE THAT PARTICULAR SOMEONE
WHO MAKES YOU FEEL
LIKE QUEEN CLEOPATRA.
- TRENT.
OH.
- OH.
- NOW SHE'S DEFINITELY NOT
GONNA HELP US.
- I KNOW, BUT IT'S STILL
A COOL TRICK.
- MAYBE TO YOU.
AND TURN OFF
THAT BLEEDIN' MUSIC.
- SORRY.
- DARIA, WHAT HAPPENED?
- ARE YOU OKAY?
- YEAH.
- JAKE, I'M ON IT.
- OH.
- THAT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU CAN TAKE A BREAK.
- YOU SAID YOU WERE ON IT.
- DID SHE GIVE US UP?
- I CAN'T TELL, DUDE.
HER PARENTS ARE ALL LIKE,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
- THEN SHUT THEM UP.
- RIGHT.
HELLO, LOVERS.
- HOW CAN ANYONE HAVE SO LITTLE
INSTINCT FOR PARENTING?
[electrical zapping]
- BULL'S-EYE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
I DON'T DESERVE YOU, HELEN.
- OH, YES, YOU DO, JAKEY.
- THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
- WHAT DID SHE SAY?
- NEVER MIND THAT.
WE'RE ALONE.
BLISSFULLY...
- ALONE.
[smooching sounds]
- DAD, CAN I HAVE A...
EW.
I NEED A SHOWER.
- COOL THOUGHTS.
A RIVER RUNNING TO THE OCEAN
FAR FROM HERE.
[knocking]
- SO YOU'LL HELP US, RIGHT?
- WHY NOT?
I'M OBVIOUSLY HAVING SOME KIND
OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
I'LL JUST RIDE IT OUT
AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES ME,
ZELDA FITZGERALD STYLE.
[knocking on door]
- DARIA, SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MOM AND DAD.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
- UM, MY IMAGINARY FRIEND.
- OKAY, I'LL COME BACK.
- THE GIRL MUSTN'T KNOW
ABOUT US.
- RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
BE SEEN BY OTHER MORTALS.
- SEEING IS OKAY.
IT'S HAVING TO TALK
TO THAT LITTLE TWIT
THAT'D DRIVE US CRAZY.
- ARE WE DONE HERE?
YOU'RE GETTING HEAVY.
- OH, SHUT UP, YOU BLOODY...
IDIOT!
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- MY IMAGINARY FRIEND FELL DOWN.
- GOD, DARIA,
EVEN YOUR IMAGINARY FRIENDS
ARE EMBARRASSING.
- WELL, YOU LEAD AN INTERESTING
LIFE WHEN I'M NOT AROUND.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING
SOME OUT-OF-SEASON NOG PERHAPS?
- LOOK, I FEEL STUPID ENOUGH
AS IT IT.
JUST DON'T TELL...
- HEY, TRENT, DARIA WAS
WONDERING IF YOU'VE HEARD
OF ANY NEW HIP-HOP PUNK
ELECTRONICA BANDS IN TOWN,
AND IF SO, DO THEY INCLUDE
CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND GUY FAWKES DAY?
- JANE.
- YEAH.
THEY'RE COMING OVER TO JAM.
Both: WHAT?
All: YO.
- YO.
- YO.
- OH, GOD.
YOU'RE CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?
- I PREFER X.
- SHORT FOR X-MAS.
- I GOT IT.
- YOU KNOW THESE GUYS, DARIA?
- WELL, I KNOW THEY'RE WANTED
BACK AT HOLIDAY ISLAND.
- THIS IS WHY WE NEED
CLOSED REHEARSALS, MAN.
- GREAT, A WEEK IN TOWN
AND WE'VE GOT OUR FIRST NARC.
- BOLLOCKS.
- COME ON, MAN.
DARIA'S COOL.
- SHE DOESN'T ACT
LIKE SHE'S COOL.
- SURE, SHE'S COOL.
COME ON, DARIA,
DO SOMETHING COOL.
- UM, ANYONE FOR PIZZA?
MY TREAT.
- THIS CHICK IS COOL.
- WHAT DO YOU CARE
IF WE GO BACK TO HOLIDAY ISLAND?
- ALL I CARE ABOUT
IS THAT THIS DREAM
ISN'T THE FIRST SIGN
OF A BRAIN TUMOR.
- WHAT'S SO BAD
ABOUT HOLIDAY ISLAND ANYWAY?
- FOR ONE THING, YOU HAVE
TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN FORCED
TO SPREAD LOVE AND JOY
24 HOURS A DAY?
- I BELIEVE ON THAT ONE
I CAN GO WITH A DEFINITE NO.
- WELL, IT'S LIKE, MMM,
BOLLOCKS, IS WHAT IT'S LIKE.
- YEAH, BOLLOCKS.
- WE THOUGHT WE MIGHT FIND
YOU BURNOUTS HERE.
- SHUT YOUR GOB,
YOU LITTLE GOON.
- SOD OFF, YOU BRITISH WANKER.
- SOCCER RIOT.
- HEY.
I'M SORRY,
BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU.
IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK
TO HOLIDAY ISLAND,
I SUPPORT THEIR CHOICE.
- BUT THEN THERE'LL BE
NO CHRISTMAS OR HALLOWEEN
OR GUY FAWKES DAY.
- NO GUY FAWKES DAY?
WAH.
- I'M WARNING YOU.
THIS IS GONNA SCREW UP
THE NATURAL ORDER.
- THAT'S DARIA'S LIFE MISSION.
- EXCELLENT.
THEN MAYBE WE CAN CRASH
AT YOUR HOUSE FOR A WHILE.
- OH, NO.
- DON'T BE STUPID, DARIA.
THAT ENGLISH ONE IS CUTE.
[jazzy instrumental music]
♪ ♪
- OH.
[laughter]
[smooching]
- OH, JAKEY, YES.
- EW.
AND THEN AS IF THAT
WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH,
NOW THEY'RE THINKING
OF HAVING ANOTHER BABY.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- WHY ELSE WOULD THEY BE,
YOU KNOW...
[shudders]
- WHOA, YEAH.
THAT IS THE WORST
AND THE CRUELEST THING
THEY COULD DO TO YOU.
- IT'S NO FAIR
MAKING A POPULAR PERSON COMPETE
WITH A NEW BABY.
- REALLY, THEY'RE SO CUTE
WHEN THEY SMILE AT YOU.
HELLO, PRECIOUS.
- SANDY.
- OH, SORRY.
- I'VE GOT TO FOLLOW THEM AROUND
AND MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
- WELL, TRY NOT
TO STAY UP TOO LATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES
TO YOUR SKIN.
- SANDY, YOU'RE SUCH
A GOOD FRIEND.
- I KNOW.
- DARIA, WE'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT MOM AND DAD...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'VE GOT THREE FUGITIVE
HOLIDAYS STAYING IN MY ROOM.
HOW IS YOUR DAY GOING?
- GREAT.
NOW, WHO ARE THEY REALLY?
- AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS,
THESE ARE ACTUAL HOLIDAY SPIRITS
ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW.
- THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH YOU BRAINS.
YOU THINK LYING IS CHILD'S PLAY.
- SEE, CUPID SHOT MOM AND DAD
FULL OF LOVE
SO I'D HELP HIM GET THESE GUYS
BACK TO HOLIDAY ISLAND.
- ARE YOU TAKING SOME KIND
OF EXPERIMENTAL
DEPRESSION MEDICINE?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- TOO BAD.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT
WHEN THE NEW BABY ARRIVES.
- OH, HE'S NOT A BABY.
HE'S A LEPRECHAUN.
- THAT DARIA CHICK
IS GONNA SCREW EVERYTHING UP
A LOT WORSE THAN SHE THINKS.
- DUDE, RELAX; WE'LL FIND
SOMEBODY ELSE TO HELP US.
- EASY FOR YOU TO RELAX.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN OPPRESSED
FOR FOUR CENTURIES.
- OH, YEAH?
ANYBODY EVER MAKE YOU FLY AROUND
IN A DIAPER?
JUST LOVE AND BE LOVED
AND TRY TO COOL OUT.
- WILL YOU STOP
WITH THE IDIOTIC VOICE?
IT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND
LIKE ELVIS.
HERE, NOW,
LET ME DO THE TALKING.
- SO THEN I SAID,
"COME ON, LADIES,
LET'S KICK SOME BUTT."
AND I THINK
THAT REALLY MOTIVATED THE GUYS,
CALLING THEM LADIES, I MEAN.
- YOU'RE SO SMART, KEVY.
CAN I HELP YOU?
- 'TIS OUR FOND WISH, LASSIE.
YOU SEE, SOME FRIENDS OF OURS
HAVE COME TO LAWNDALE,
AND WE'RE HOPING YOU CAN HELP
TALK THEM
INTO GOING BACK HOME WITH US.
- NO PROBLEM.
I CAN TALK ANYBODY
INTO DOING ANYTHING.
- YEAH.
HE DOES IT TO ME ALL THE TIME.
- WE'LL JUST TELL 'EM
WHAT A COOL PLACE LAWNDALE IS.
- NO, WE WANT YOU
TO DO THE OPPOSITE.
- [chuckles]
THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT?
- WE WANT YOU TO TALK THEM
INTO LEAVING LAWNDALE.
- BUT THEY JUST GOT HERE,
RIGHT?
- REALLY, YOU DUDES NEED
TO GET YOUR STORIES STRAIGHT.
- WE'RE GONNA NEED
THE SMART CHICK.
AND DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX.
- DUDE, FOR ONCE,
I AGREE WITH YOU.
- AND THAT CONCLUDES THE REPORT
OF THE ACCESSORY COMMITTEE.
- GREAT.
WASN'T THAT GREAT, QUINN?
QUINN?
- OH.
- WHAT'S WRONG, QUINN?
YOU SEEM
UNCHARACTERISTICALLY SLOPPY.
- MY, GOD.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
A NEW LOOK, ARE YOU?
- HAVEN'T SLEPT.
MUST STAY ALERT.
CAN'T ALLOW PARENTS
TO HAVE BABY.
- QUINN, WHY DON'T YOU GET
THAT GIRL WHO LIVES WITH YOU
TO FOLLOW YOUR PARENTS AROUND?
- SHE HAS HOLIDAYS
STAYING WITH HER.
- HOLIDAYS?
- CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN,
AND FOLKS DAY.
- QUINN, HONEY,
I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE
A LEAVE OF ABSENCE
FROM THE FASHION CLUB.
- WHAT? NO.
- REALLY, GET SOME SLEEP AND
COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE NOT SO...
- CREATIVE.
- [whistling]
NAME THAT TUNE.
- JANE'S THEME?
- DAMN YOU, WOMAN.
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE SPIRIT
OF NAGGING AND HIS FRIEND.
- HOW ABOUT A LITTLE WALK?
I'M BUYING.
- YOU'RE BUYING WHAT?
- OH, WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
WHEN WE GET THERE.
- WELL, THE MALL.
YOU HOLIDAYS SURE KNOW HOW
TO SHOW A GIRL A HOLIDAY.
- LOOK CLOSELY, LASSIE.
LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
HAS COME TO A HALT.
CHECK OUT
THE UNSOLD HALLOWEEN CANDY.
- FEWER CAVITIES.
THAT'S GOOD.
- SEE ALL THE TOYS THAT KIDS
WON'T BE GETTING THIS CHRISTMAS?
[toys whirring]
- KIDS ARE TOO MATERIALISTIC
ANYWAY.
- DAMN IT, DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY CONSCIENCE AT ALL?
- NOW WHAT HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES
FOLLOW THE DISAPPEARANCE
OF GUY FAWKES DAY?
- WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
- YOU SEE, DARIA?
YOU REALLY HAD A WONDERFUL LIFE.
- WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- SHAVING CREAM?
- STUPID. MORONIC.
- UH-HUH.
- UTTER TRIPE.
- YEAH, I GOT, LIKE...
- OH, WHAT'S WITH
THIS FAKE COBWEB STUFF?
- I'M ON THE PHONE.
AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FAKE?
- YUCK.
- HAVE YOU NOTICED
HOW COMPLETELY IMBECILIC
YOUR COUNTRY IS?
- OH, REALLY?
- HE'S CUTE.
SO WHY DO I WANT
TO DECK HIM ALL THE TIME?
- HEY, I CAN'T FIND
ANY SUGAR-COATED COOKIES.
WHERE'S YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?
- I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ANYMORE.
- YOU DON'T, BUT I NEED
ONE OF THOSE LITTLE COTTAGES
ALL MADE OUT OF GINGERBREAD.
- I'M AFRAID WE'RE FRESH OUT
OF HOUSE-SHAPED FOOD.
- FIGURES.
- HOLD ON.
YOU GOT A LICENSE?
- A LEARNER'S PERMIT.
- [scoffs] YOU THINK YOUR DAD
COULD DRIVE ME AND SOME FRIENDS
TO A RICH NEIGHBORHOOD
WITH A LOT OF TREES?
- UH, I DON'T KNOW.
- JUST GET THE TOILET PAPER,
MEET ME OUT FRONT,
AND WE'LL PLAY IT BY EAR.
OH, AND DON'T FORGET THE EGGS.
- WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?
- AREN'T YOU NOSY?
YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE
SOMEONE NOT FEEL AT HOME.
- EXCUSE ME,
BUT THIS IS MY HOME.
- DO YOU OWN IT?
- NO.
- THEN IT'S NOT REALLY YOURS,
IS IT?
- OKAY, FREELOADERS, THERE'S NOT
A BAKED GOOD IN THE PLACE.
SO I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GO
TO TRENT'S AND REHEARSE.
- GOOD, MAYBE
WE'LL SOUND DECENT FOR ONCE.
- SHUT UP.
- YOU SHUT UP.
- BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP.
[mingled arguing]
- WELL, NOW WE KNOW
WHY PEOPLE ONLY WANT THEM
TO COME AROUND ONCE A YEAR.
- REALLY, LET'S JUST HOPE
WE NEVER MEET LEAP YEAR.
- AREN'T YOUR PARENTS
FREAKING OUT?
- MY PARENTS
AREN'T QUITE THEMSELVES.
- HEY, KIDS,
ISN'T IT A GREAT DAY?
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT
WHEN IT'S OVERCAST?
- OKAY, BE QUIET.
- DARIA, YOU'VE MADE
SOME NEW FRIENDS.
RACE YOU TO THE BEDROOM, HONEY.
- YOU'RE ON.
- SHUT UP.
- DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY.
- OKAY, THE MALL I DON'T MIND.
I CAN HANDLE SHARING SPACE
WITH JERKS.
BUT THIS IS THE LAST STRAW.
I THINK WE HAVE TO GO
TO HOLIDAY ISLAND.
- I GUESS SO.
LET'S FIND THOSE OTHER TWO GUYS.
[knocking]
- MMM. MMM-MMM.
- WOW, HOLIDAY ISLAND HAS A GOOD
TIME CHINESE RESTAURANT TOO?
- IT'S A CHAIN.
- WHERE ARE ALL THE HOLIDAYS?
THIS PLACE LOOKS DEAD.
- THIS IS JUST
FOR THE TOURISTS, DUDE.
- YEAH, ALL THE HOLIDAYS
ARE OVER THERE.
- OH, NO.
- THIS IS JUST LIKE
A HIGH SCHOOL.
- YOU KNOW, I GET THE FEELING
WE'LL BE SAYING THAT
ALL OUR LIVES.
- IT ONLY SEEMS
LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
ACTUALLY, IT'S MUCH WORSE.
- THAT'S WHAT WE'LL BE SAYING
ALL OUR LIVES.
- WHO ARE ALL THESE HOLIDAYS?
- BUNCH OF SAINTS DAYS.
WHO CAN KEEP TRACK?
- THIS DOESN'T SEEM SO BAD.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- THE PROBLEM?
EVER SINCE CHRISTMAS
AND HALLOWEEN LEFT,
THE SOCIAL ORDER
HAS GONE TOTALLY HAYWIRE.
- THEY WERE, LIKE,
THE TWO COOLEST KIDS IN SCHOOL.
THEY RAN THE PLACE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THANKSGIVING TRIED TO STEP UP,
BUT HE'S GOT A LOT
OF SCREWED UP FAMILY PROBLEMS
AND ALWAYS GETS DEPRESSED
BY THE END OF THE DAY.
- SO NOW WHO'S IN CHARGE?
- PRESIDENT'S DAY.
- YO, ARBOR DAY, SANDALS?
WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT FOOTWEAR?
- BUT...
- I CANNOT TELL A LIE.
YOU ARE HATCHET CITY, MAN.
- YES, SIR.
- HEY, VETERANS DAY,
TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY.
OF THE PEOPLE,
BY THE PEOPLE...
- FOR THE PRESIDENTS.
- AND THEY SEEMED SO NICE
IN THE APPLIANCE STORE ADS.
- UH-OH,
HERE COMES MEMORIAL DAY.
- YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
LINCOLN'S GONNA MAKE ME RECITE
THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
CALL HIM OFF.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.
WE'LL HELP.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
- GET OFF ME.
[grunting and groaning]
- HEY, JANEY, DARIA.
- HEY.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- REHEARSAL.
- INTERESTING SOUND.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?
- CHRISTMAS AND GUY FAWKES DAY
ARE PISSED OFF
BECAUSE HALLOWEEN GOT A JOB
AT COFFEE CAFE,
AND SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO SHARE HER PAYCHECK.
- WHY WOULD SHE WANT
TO SHARE HER PAYCHECK?
- EXACTLY.
- GET YOUR OWN JOB.
- POURING COFFEE'S FOR WANKERS.
- HUH?
- OKAY, EVERYBODY.
- WHAT?
- ENOUGH.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I TOLD YOU
I GOT YOU A PAYING GIG?
- WELL, I'D PROBABLY SAY...
BOLLOCKS.
BUT THAT'S JUST
A NATURAL REFLEX.
- SHUT UP.
- NO, YOU SHUT UP.
WHERE ARE WE PLAYING?
- BUT PROMS ARE FOR TOSSERS.
- COME ON.
A GIG'S A GIG.
- WHOA, DARIA, YOU REALLY KNOW
A LOT ABOUT MUSIC.
- HONEY, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN
SINCE WE TOOK A WALK?
- TOO LONG.
FROM NOW ON,
LET'S WALK EVERY DAY.
- HI, GUYS,
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- QUINN.
WELL, YOUR FATHER AND I
ARE TAKING A WALK,
JUST A BORING OLD WALK.
- YEAH, A DUMB OLD STUPID WALK
AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH FUN,
DOES IT?
- AU CONTRAIRE, SOUNDS GREAT.
LET'S GO,
JUST US GUYS.
- YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED
TO BE SEEN WITH US?
WHAT IF ONE
OF YOUR FELLOWS COME BY?
- [thinking]
MUST BE STRONG, QUINN.
BE STRONG.
[out loud] EMBARRASSED?
OF COURSE NOT.
HANGING OUT WITH YOUR PARENTS
IS CONSIDERED COOL THESE DAYS.
[thinking] QUINN, YOU RULE.
[stereo blaring rock music]
- HEY, QUINN.
UH-OH, KEEP DRIVING.
SHE MUST BE IN TROUBLE.
[tires squeal]
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LET YOU
TALK US INTO COMING BACK.
- REALLY, IS ANY GIG WORTH THIS?
- COME ON, THE SHOW MUST GO ON
OR SOMETHING.
- FINALLY.
HURRY UP AND GET INSIDE.
PEOPLE WANT TO DANCE.
- YOU'RE THE DJ?
THAT'S IT.
WE'RE BOYCOTTING.
- UH-OH.
- THE PRESIDENTS
AREN'T GONNA LIKE THIS.
OR MAYBE THEY WILL.
- YOU MEAN THOSE COLONIAL
WANKERS ARE IN CHARGE?
- NOT ANYMORE.
- ALL RIGHT, I HOPE YOU PEOPLE
ARE READY TO DANCE
BECAUSE WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT
ALL THE WAY FROM LAWNDALE
THE HOLIDAYS.
[cheering]
- HOLD ON.
THEY SAID THEY WERE TOO GOOD
FOR US.
- YEAH, FOUR SCORE
AND SEVEN YEARS...
- SHUT UP.
WE WANT TO DANCE.
- GET OFF THE STAGE,
NIB-KNOB.
[all booing]
- WELL, HISTORY
IS JUST AS POPULAR HERE
AS IT IS IN LAWNDALE.
- ALL RIGHT, THE HOLIDAYS.
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ SO I'M A BLEEDIN' HOLIDAY ♪
♪ THERE'S MORE
TO MY LIFE THAN THAT, I SAY ♪
♪ I GOT NORMAL DREAMS,
NORMAL DESIRES ♪
♪ WANT TO DRIVE A NORMAL CAR
WITH NORMAL TIRES ♪
♪ YEAH, I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ I'M A TEEN HOLIDAY ♪
♪ AND IT SUCKS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ OH YEAH ♪
[applause]
[singing gibberish]
THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.
- WE'VE GOT PARTIES BOOKED
FOR THE NEXT YEAR.
THIS IS AWESOME.
- UM, I KIND OF HAVE TO GET BACK
TO MY BAND.
WE'RE VOTING ON A NEW NAME.
- BUT WE NEED YOU.
COME ON, MAN, WE'RE MAKING
ELECTRONICA HISTORY.
- HEY, NO PROBLEM.
I FOUND YOU A REPLACEMENT.
MEET HOLIDAY ISLAND'S NUMBER ONE
HARPSICHORD PLAYER,
ACOUSTIC AND ELECTRIC.
- LET'S SHRED.
- I LIKE IT.
MAN, YOU'RE IN.
- SHOULD I CARE THAT NONE
OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE?
- NOPE.
THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS,
HALLOWEEN, VALENTINES,
ST. PATRICK'S, PRESIDENT'S
AND GUY FAWKES DAY EVER.
- AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE
TO BUY A STUPID CARD.
- BYE.
- SO LONG.
- OKAY, YEAH, WELL...
- CATCH YOU LATER.
- BYE.
- LATER, MAN, TAKE IT EASY.
- I THANK YOU KINDLY.
YOU'VE SAVED THE HOLIDAYS.
- ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
- AND IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU,
WHEN YOU'VE REACHED
THE LEGAL DRINKING AGE THAT IS,
LET ME KNOW.
- WHAT ABOUT MY PARENTS?
CAN YOU AT LEAST RECOMMEND
A DOCTOR?
- NO NEED, DUDE.
- YOU KNOW, QUINN,
IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE HAVING
YOU AROUND SO MUCH LATELY.
- IT HAS BEEN NICE,
VERY NICE.
- NICE?
IT'S BEEN THE MOST BORING,
WORST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
GO AHEAD AND HAVE
YOUR STUPID BABY.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
- YOU'RE PREGNANT?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- WE CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER KID,
HELEN.
- WELL, I'M NOT PREGNANT.
AND THAT'S NOT A VERY NICE
THING TO SAY, BY THE WAY.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING,
AND I AM SICK OF IT.
I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE MY LIFE
LIKE SOME KIND OF MONK
IN A NUNNERY.
- ACTUALLY...
- WELL, DON'T BLAME ME.
- OH, OH...
- GET OFF MY BACK, HELEN.
LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
- GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE.
- ♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
[driving rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA LA-LA ♪