Daria (1997–2001): Season 2, Episode 8 - Gifted - full transcript
Daria and Jodie are invited to explore enrolling at an elite school for gifted students.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[bell rings]
- MACK, MAKE THAT,
"BOYS ARE THE SCOURGE
OF THE EARTH."
- THE TELLTALE HEART?
I LOVE ROMANCE NOVELS!
- YEAH, NOTHING SAYS "BE MINE"
LIKE A POUNDING HEART
BENEATH A FLOORBOARD.
- ATTENTION, YOUNG PEOPLE.
I HAVE AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT.
GROVE HILLS, THE SCHOOL FOR
GIFTED AND OUTSTANDING STUDENTS,
HAS ISSUED INVITATIONS
TO SEVERAL OF OUR STUDENTS
TO VISIT ITS CAMPUS.
AND AMONG THOSE SO HONORED ARE:
MS. MORGENDORFFER
AND MS. LANDON.
[claps]
- I KNEW THOSE STRAIGHT Cs
IN MATH WOULD PAY OFF SOME DAY.
- GAH!
DAMN PLATE!
HEY, MOM TOLD ME
ABOUT GROVE HILLS.
THAT'S GREAT, KIDDO!
- YEAH.
I'M TIRED OF BEING AT A SCHOOL
WHERE THE KIDS JUST THINK
THEY'RE COOLER THAN ME.
I WANT TO GO TO ONE
WHERE THEY THINK
THEY'RE SMARTER THAN ME ALSO.
- DARIA, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU,
HONEY.
GROVE HILLS.
THE FRIENDS YOU MAKE THERE
COULD REALLY LAUNCH YOUR CAREER.
- AND WHY STUDY
WHEN YOU CAN NETWORK?
- IT'S JUST A VISIT, DARIA.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD J.F.K.
- I'LL PAY YOU $20.
- $100.
- HEY! HOW COME
YOU NEVER OFFER ME A BRIBE?
- BECAUSE WE WORK TOGETHER
AS A TEAM.
NOW, LET ME HANDLE THIS.
- DARN IT.
- IF I GIVE YOU $20,
WILL YOU LET ME HANDLE THIS?
- $100.
- $40.
- $60.
- $50.
- DONE.
- $50?
- DONE.
- THEN IT'S SETTLED.
WE'RE GOING TO GROVE HILLS
THIS WEEKEND.
- THAT PLACE WHERE THEY FENCE IN
ALL THE GEEKS?
WHY DO I HAVE TO GO?
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
- QUINN, I'M AFRAID
SIBLINGS AREN'T INVITED.
YOU'RE STAYING HOME.
- YOU MEAN THE WHOLE FAMILY
GETS TO GO WITHOUT ME?
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
- OH, HERE.
- HEY!
- DON'T WORRY,
I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE HOUSE
WHILE YOU'RE GONE.
- YOU MEAN LIKE LAST TIME,
WHEN YOU HAD THAT KEG PARTY AND
JEFFY THREW UP IN MOM'S CLOSET?
- HE DID NOT.
IT WAS JEROME.
- I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF
YOU STAYING HERE ALONE, ANYWAY.
- WHY?
I'M NOT AFRAID.
- YEAH.
WHY SHOULD YOU BE AFRAID?
OF MASS MURDERERS,
SERIAL KILLERS,
TORTURERS, CANNIBALS...
PUPPY KICKERS?
- MOM!
- MAYBE YOU CAN STAY AT SANDI'S,
EVEN IF I HAVE TO CALL
THAT WITCH, LINDA.
LINDA, HOW ARE YOU?
- WELL, I JUST MADE 120% OF MY
TARGET PROJECTION FOR THIS YEAR,
EARNING ME A BONUS
AND AN INCENTIVE CHECK,
SO I'M PRETTY DAMN GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?
- UM, I'M HAVING
A GOOD YEAR TOO.
YES, A VERY GOOD YEAR.
YES.
UH, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR LETTING QUINN STAY
WITH YOU THIS WEEKEND.
NOW, SHE SOMETIMES NEEDS
A LITTLE SUPERVISION...
- DON'T WORRY.
I'VE GOT FIRM GROUND RULES.
FIRST AND FOREMOST: NO BOYS.
- N-O, NO.
- SANDI HAS TO BEAT THEM OFF
WITH A STICK.
WHO AM I KIDDING?
I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM
AT HER AGE.
- SO RICKY AND THE GUYS WILL BE
WAITING FOR US AT TOWER POINT.
- "WEAR SMUDGE-PROOF LIPSTICK."
- I'VE ALREADY HIDDEN
THE KEYS TO THE CAR
IN CASE SANDI GETS ANY IDEAS.
- YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE TO
BEAT THEM OFF WITH A STICK TOO.
- I MADE A COPY OF THE KEYS
TO THE CAR.
- "BRING SCARF
TO AVOID CONVERTIBLE HAIR."
- AND LIGHTS OUT BY 11:00.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
ABOUT THE STICK?
- THEN, AFTER MY MOTHER
CHECKS ON US AT 11:00,
WE CLIMB OUT MY WINDOW,
GRAB THE CAR,
AND MEET THE GUYS.
- BOY, SANDI,
YOU'VE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
NO WONDER YOU'RE PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB.
- MY, LINDA,
YOU'VE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
NO WONDER YOU'RE ON THE BOARD
OF THE LAWNDALE
BUSINESSWOMAN'S ALLIANCE.
- THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
MY PARENTS WILL MEET US UP THERE
AFTER THE NEW MEMBERS' BRUNCH
AT THEIR CLUB.
MY FATHER'S BEEN ON THE
WAITING LIST FOR THREE YEARS.
- REMEMBER, NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS ON THIS RIDE,
YOU'VE ALREADY WAIVED YOUR RIGHT
TO SUE ME FOR CONFINING YOU
WITH LUNATICS.
- SO, JODIE,
DO YOU BELONG TO ANY CLUBS?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT.
- I'M PRESIDENT
OF THE FRENCH CLUB,
VICE PRESIDENT
OF STUDENT COUNCIL,
EDITOR OF YEARBOOK,
AND I'M ALSO ON THE TENNIS TEAM.
- DARIA, WHY AREN'T YOU
ON THE TENNIS TEAM?
- BECAUSE IT'S CLASSIFIED
AS A SPORT.
- SPEAKING OF SPORTS, JODIE,
DO YOU KNOW KEVIN THOMPSON?
HE AND DARIA DID
A SCIENCE PROJECT TOGETHER.
- OH, SURE; KEVIN'S GREAT...
AT SMASHING BEER CANS
WITH HIS HEAD.
- I DON'T KNOW
WHY DARIA DOESN'T HANG AROUND
WITH HIM AND HIS GANG MORE.
- FOR THE SAME REASON
I DON'T SLEEP
WITH MY HEAD PACKED IN ICE.
- SO, JODIE, GOT A FELLA?
- YEAH, HIS NAME'S MICHAEL,
BUT EVERYONE CALLS HIM MACK.
- WOW!
- SHOULD WE GO
TO THE MAIN BUILDING
OR JUST APPLY FOR JOBS
IN THE STABLES?
- SO I TOLD PETER,
"LOOK, I DON'T CARE
HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK ME OUT.
YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE."
- I KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES
HE'S ASKED ME OUT.
- THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
- NO, YOU SAID YOU DON'T CARE
HOW MANY TIMES
HE'S ASKED YOU OUT.
- WELL, I MEANT...
- OH, LOOK, QUINN.
SHE'S WEARING SANDALS
LIKE YOURS.
IS THIS A RERUN?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
CAN I GET YOU A DIET SODA?
- NO, THANKS,
BUT HELP YOURSELF TO THE GRAPES.
I HEAR THEY'RE GOOD
FOR BREAKOUTS.
- HEY, SIS, WHAT YOU WATCHING?
- TURN IT BACK.
OW! YOU LITTLE GEEK.
- HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO FASHION VISION?
- OH, SORRY, QUINN.
UM, YOU WANT
A PEANUT BUTTER LOG?
- NEED A SMOOTHER GLASS?
- SHOULD I FLUFF YOUR SHOELACES?
- WELL, LET'S SEE...
- IF YOU GUYS
LIKE QUINN SO MUCH,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD ADOPT HER
AND I CAN GO LIVE
WITH THE MORGENDORFFERS.
- COOL.
- I'LL HELP YOU PACK.
- QUINN, IT'S GETTING
KIND OF CROWDED IN HERE.
MAYBE TIFFANY HAS MORE ROOM.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SANDI?
- HELLO, WELCOME TO GROVE HILLS.
I'M MARINA.
- I'M JODIE.
- DARIA.
- JODIE, DARIA.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET LARA,
GRAHAM, AND CASSIDY.
- WHAT'S UP?
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- LARA, WHY DON'T YOU
FILL JODIE AND DARIA IN
ON THE MANY ADVANTAGES
OF A GROVE HILLS EDUCATION?
- WELL, NUMBER ONE:
YOU ONLY HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH SHRILL RECRUITERS
AT PHONY FUNCTIONS LIKE THIS.
- UM, EXCUSE ME.
- AND YOU'RE NOT SURROUNDED
BY NEARLY AS MANY STUPID PEOPLE
AS YOU WOULD BE AT HOME.
- STARTING WITH YOUR PARENTS.
[laughter]
- MAYBE THIS PLACE ISN'T SO BAD.
- ♪ EXCUSE YOU ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
- AT GROVE HILLS,
YOU CAN CONTEMPLATE PROUST
IN OUR SPACIOUS DORM ROOMS,
ENGAGE IN CONVERSATIONAL LATIN
OVER A DELICIOUS MEAL...
- DUMP BODIES INTO THE RIVER
FROM OUR SCENIC BELL TOWER.
- [laughs]
- SHH!
- SO ALL ABOARD TO GROVE HILLS,
YOUR FIRST STATION
ON THE TRACK TO WISDOM.
- I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED
OUR LITTLE FILM.
- OH, YES.
- UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
- GREAT.
I THINK A SUPER WAY TO START
THIS MEET-AND-GREET SESSION
WOULD BE TO TELL A LITTLE
ABOUT OUR GOALS IN LIFE.
WHO'D LIKE TO START?
- WELL, SOMEDAY I'D LIKE TO OWN
MY OWN BUSINESS,
MAYBE A CONSULTING FIRM GEARED
TOWARD MINORITY START-UPS.
- EXCELLENT!
- DARIA, WHAT ABOUT YOUR GOAL?
- UM, I DON'T HAVE ANY.
- OH, COME, DARIA.
YOU MUST HAVE SOME GOAL.
- MY GOAL IS NOT TO WAKE UP AT
40 WITH THE BITTER REALIZATION
THAT I'VE WASTED MY LIFE
IN A JOB I HATE
BECAUSE I WAS FORCED TO
DECIDE ON A CAREER IN MY TEENS.
- [giggles]
- WELCOME TO THE HALLOWED HALLS
OF GROVE HILLS.
DO YOU THINK IT'S A COINCIDENCE
THAT THE RICH AND POWERFUL
ALL SEEM TO KNOW EACH OTHER?
THINK AGAIN.
THEY MET AT SCHOOL.
DON'T LET YOUR GIFTED PROGENY
DROWN IN THE PUBLIC
SCHOOL SYSTEM.
AFTER ALL,
WOULD YOU RATHER
THEY GET AN EARLY ACCEPTANCE
TO THE IVY LEAGUE
OR STAGNATE AT SOME
THIRD-RATE COLLEGE?
- HUH?
HEY, THE OLD ALMA MATER!
- YOU MUST BE JODIE'S PARENTS.
- WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
- UM...
- ANDREW LANDON.
MY WIFE, MICHELE.
- HEY, ANDREW!
SAW YOU PARKING
YOUR JAG OUT THERE.
- A LITTLE GIFT I BOUGHT MYSELF
AFTER HITTING THE BIG FIGURES
WITH MY FOLDING COFFEE CUP.
THE KEY WAS FINDING A WAY
TO KEEP THE DAMN CREASES
FROM LEAKING.
- YOU KNOW,
I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
FOR THE SUCTION-POWERED
NAIL CLIPPER,
BUT THEN SOMEBODY
BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH.
- MY BOY, EVAN.
A LINEBACKER, HUH?
NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE MY GIRLS,
BUT EVAN, HE'S MY SON.
- JODIE TOLD US ALL ABOUT YOU
WALKING AWAY FROM
A SENIOR VICE PRESIDENCY
AT U.S. WORLD TO HAVE A BABY.
THAT TOOK GUTS.
A LOT OF WOMEN...
- ALL RIGHT,
SO EVAN WASN'T PLANNED,
BUT I'M OKAY WITH IT.
- MAYBE I COULD TALK HELEN
INTO HAVING A BOY.
- MAYBE I COULD TALK YOU
INTO LETTING ME KEEP THE HOUSE.
- DOES THIS PICTURE MAKE MY NOSE
LOOK TOO CLOSE TO MY MOUTH?
- NO, THEY'RE A COMFORTABLE
DISTANCE APART.
- HOW ABOUT MY TEETH?
THE FRONT ONES
AREN'T TOO WHITE, ARE THEY?
- NO, THEY HAVE JUST
THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF WHITENESS.
CAN WE GO TO CASHMAN'S NOW?
- DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
- NO WAY.
- DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
- NO.
- DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
- YOU'RE NOT FREAKING FAT, OKAY?
- NOW, I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I LIKE JODIE.
I JUST WISH
DARIA WERE AS POPULAR.
- WELL...
- I MEAN, IF JODIE
CAN MAKE FRIENDS SO EASILY,
WHY CAN'T DARIA?
- WHY SHOULD JODIE HAVE
ANY PROBLEMS MAKING FRIENDS?
- WELL, THERE'S NOT A LOT
OF DIVERSITY AT LAWNDALE.
A FEW PEOPLE CAN BE
NARROW-MINDED
AND NOT ALWAYS ACCEPT...
RIGHT AWAY...
PEOPLE FROM
DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS.
- HOW IS JODIE'S BACKGROUND
ANY DIFFERENT FROM DARIA'S?
- ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
EXCUSE ME
WHILE I USE THE LADIES' ROOM.
- YOU KNOW WHAT RILES ME,
JAKE-O?
THOSE DAMN WELFARE CHEATS.
- OH, WELL, I DON'T...
- THANK GOD
FOR CREATIVE ACCOUNTING,
OR I'D BE SPENDING HALF MY NET
SUPPORTING THOSE COUCH POTATOES.
- YES, BUT...
- IT'S BECAUSE OF
THOSE LOUSY CHEATS
THAT AMERICAN COMPANIES END UP
USING CHILD LABOR.
- YEAH, DAMN WELFARE CHEATS!
- NOW, JAKE.
A LOT OF HARD-WORKING PEOPLE
JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP
NOW AND THEN.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT, RIGHT, MICHELE?
- WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M IN FAVOR OF WELFARE?
- I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE STAYING HERE, QUINN.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- DON'T TELL ANYBODY THIS,
BUT I LIKE YOU BEST OUT OF
EVERYONE IN THE FASHION CLUB.
- UM, THAT'S NICE, STACY.
GOD! LOOK AT BRIDGETT
IN THAT SLIP DRESS.
- SLIP DRESS?
IN FACT, I'D SAY
YOU'RE MY FIRST-BEST FRIEND,
AND TIFFANY'S
MY SECOND-BEST FRIEND,
SANDI'S MY THIRD-BEST FRIEND,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES TIFFANY'S
THIRD AND SANDI'S SECOND.
BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS FIRST.
- UM, OKAY.
WHATEVER.
- QUINN, WHO DO YOU LIKE BEST?
- STACY!
I'M TRYING TO READ
THIS ARTICLE ON EYELASHES.
- OH, RIGHT.
SORRY.
- UGH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE'S WEARING IT!
SLIP DRESSES ARE SO OVER!
- YEAH, SLIP DRESSES
ARE SO OVER.
SO, QUINN, WANT TO GO
TO A MOVIE?
- SURE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE?
- I DON'T KNOW,
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SEE.
- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO WEAR?
- AND WHAT'S THAT?
- I THOUGHT WE COULD COLOR
OUR HAIR THE SAME SHADE.
- UM, I GOT TO GO.
[lightning crackles]
- THEY SAY HIGH SCHOOL'S
SUPPOSED TO BE
THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE.
- ONLY IF YOUR LIFE
IS EXTREMELY SHORT.
- EXACTLY.
YOU'RE FUNNY.
- SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE?
- OUR HAPPIEST YEARS WILL BEGIN
WHEN WE MAKE OUR FIRST MILLION.
I CAN'T WAIT TO STROLL DOWN
THE RIVIERA
WITH A MODEL ON EACH ARM.
- GEE, THAT'S INTERESTING.
I GUESS YOU CAN BE
INTELLECTUALLY GIFTED
AND STILL BE MORALLY BANKRUPT.
- I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
[cackles]
- OH, MY GOD.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE DAVID
HAS THE NERVE TO SHOW UP.
- WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?
- WHAT DID HE DO,
CHEAT ON A TEST?
- WORSE.
WE GOT OUR S.A.T. SCORES
BACK TODAY.
DAVID'S WERE ONLY
IN THE 90TH PERCENTILE.
IDIOT.
- I JUST CAN'T HANG OUT
WITH HIM ANYMORE.
HE'S TOO BANAL.
- AND HE USED TO BE
SO INTERESTING.
- THANK GOD
FOR STANDARDIZED TESTS.
OTHERWISE YOU'D NEVER KNOW
WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE.
- RIGHT...
I MEAN... AMUSING.
- SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE?
- DARIA...
HEY, GUYS,
WAIT UP.
[doorbell rings]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- UM, I NEED TO USE YOUR PHONE.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR PHONE?
- NOTHING.
CAN I SPEND THE NIGHT?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
- MY MOTHER SAYS
I CAN'T STAY HOME ALONE.
- I WON'T SAY A WORD.
I'LL EVEN SPRING FOR THE KEG,
BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY
FOR THE DRY-CLEANING.
- IT'S TOO LAST-MINUTE
TO THROW A PARTY.
- THEN JUST TALK ON THE PHONE
ALL NIGHT.
ASK YOUR FRIENDS,
IF THEY COULD BE A NAIL POLISH,
WHAT COLOR THEY WOULD BE
AND WHY.
- I'M SICK OF THAT GAME.
- YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO HOME.
- I AM NOT.
- SORRY, NO VACANCIES.
- ALL RIGHT,
I'M AFRAID.
THERE'S MASS SERIAL
PUPPY KILLERS AND STUFF.
COME ON.
PLEASE?
- I'M GONNA REGRET THIS.
NEVER MIND.
I ALREADY DO.
- HERE AT GROVE HILLS,
WE STRONGLY BELIEVE
THAT PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT
IS IMPERATIVE.
- I COULDN'T AGREE MORE.
- AS A GROVE HILLS PARENT,
YOU'LL BE ATTENDING
MONTHLY BOARD MEETINGS,
WEEKEND CLEANUP PARTIES,
FUND-RAISING DRIVES...
DO YOU COLLATE?
- UM, SURE.
I MEAN, I WOULD IF I HAD
THE TIME, WHICH ISN'T OFTEN.
I'LL TRY TO BE HERE,
SCHEDULE PERMITTING.
- I WAS WONDERING,
JUST HOW MANY STUDENTS
GO ON TO TOP COLLEGES?
- 91%.
- AND WHAT KIND OF SCHOOLS
DO THE OTHER 9% GO TO?
- WELL, SOME STUDENTS
REQUIRE A BIT OF...
REST AFTER GROVE HILLS.
[nervous murmuring]
- UH, WHAT KIND OF REST?
- OH, YOU KNOW,
SOME TIME AWAY
FROM THE PRESSURE OF GRADES
AND AWAY FROM THE PRESSURE
OF COMPETITION
AND OCCASIONALLY AWAY
FROM THE PRESSURE
OF DRESSING
AND FEEDING THEMSELVES.
- BEFORE I CAME HERE,
I WAS AN INTELLECTUAL OUTCAST.
THEY MADE FUN OF ME
FOR QUOTING AYN RAND.
- ACTUALLY, I THINK
SHE'S PRETTY DISTURBING...
- THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
THE POINT IS THAT
YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS
AND THAT AT GROVE HILLS,
YOU CAN DISCUSS HER
WITH PEOPLE LIKE US,
INSTEAD OF IDIOTS AND FOOLS
AND A QUARTERBACK
WHO TELLS THE WHOLE SCHOOL
YOU SHOWER IN A TOWEL.
I'D LIKE TO SEE A QUARTERBACK
WRITE A PAPER ON MAO.
- I THINK THE CULTURAL
REVOLUTION IS...
- YOU HAVE AN AWFUL LOT TO SAY
FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T
EVEN GO TO THIS SCHOOL YET.
- WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- IT MEANS
WHY DON'T WE SEE
WHETHER YOU GET
IN TO GROVE HILLS
BEFORE WE START LISTENING
TO YOUR OPINIONS?
- HEY,
JUST BECAUSE SOME JOCK MADE YOU
FEEL LIKE THE LOSER YOU ARE,
DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
- I'M NOT A LOSER!
I HAVE A 165 I.Q.!
- WHO CARES?
YOU'RE STILL BORING
AND MISERABLE.
TRY TAKING YOUR HEAD
OUT OF YOUR BUTT FOR ONCE
AND OPENING UP
YOUR MYOPIC LITTLE EYES,
OR DOESN'T YOUR 165 I.Q.
MAKE YOU SMART ENOUGH
TO SEE THE WAY YOU REALLY ARE?
- I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SET
FOOT IN THIS SCHOOL AGAIN.
- THAT'S A RELIEF.
FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE GOING TO THREATEN US.
ADMIT IT:
THAT FELT GOOD.
- WELL, A LITTLE.
OKAY, A LOT.
- BUSTING ON JERKS LIKE GRAHAM
IS ONE OF LIFE'S FEW PLEASURES.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT MORE OFTEN.
- OH, SHUT UP.
- UM, GOOD START.
- YOU REALIZE YOUR NEGATIVE
APPROACH TO EVERYTHING
IS SELF-DEFEATING, RIGHT?
- WELL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW
THERE'S SOMEONE I CAN DEFEAT.
- I MEAN, YOU MAY
SPARE YOURSELF SOME PAIN
BY CUTTING EVERYONE OFF,
BUT YOU MISS OUT
ON A LOT OF GOOD STUFF TOO.
- LOOK, JODIE,
I'M TOO SMART AND TOO SENSITIVE
TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE OURS
AT A TIME LIKE THIS
WITH A SISTER LIKE MINE.
MAYBE I DO MISS OUT ON STUFF,
BUT THIS ATTITUDE IS
WHAT WORKS FOR ME NOW.
- THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
WHAT WORKS FOR ME NOW.
AT HOME, I'M JODIE.
I CAN SAY OR DO
WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT.
BUT AT SCHOOL,
I'M THE QUEEN OF THE NEGROES,
THE PERFECT
AFRICAN-AMERICAN TEEN,
THE ROLE MODEL FOR ALL OF
THE OTHER AFRICAN-AMERICAN TEENS
AT LAWNDALE.
OOPS! WHERE'D THEY GO?
BELIEVE ME,
I'D LIKE TO BE MORE LIKE YOU.
- WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT,
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN
I'D LIKE TO BE MORE LIKE YOU.
- REALLY?
- I'M NOT SAYING ALL THE TIME.
- SO LAWNDALE
OR GROVE HILLS?
- I'M STICKING WITH LAWNDALE.
IF I CAME HERE,
I'D END UP POISONING
THE SLOPPY JOE MIX.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M PUSHED
TO THE BREAKING POINT
BEING MISS MODEL STUDENT
AT LAWNDALE.
A YEAR HERE MIGHT KILL ME.
- I MEAN, HE WAS REALLY NICE
AND CUTE AND STUFF,
BUT HE WAS ONLY
TWO INCHES TALLER THAN ME,
AND MY ENTIRE SHOE COLLECTION
IS BASED ON THE CONCEPT
OF DATING GUYS THREE INCHES
TALLER THAN ME OR MORE.
I DON'T GET ABSTRACT ART.
WHO WANTS TO LOOK AT A BUNCH
OF SQUIGGLY, SIX-EYED PEOPLE
WHEN YOU CAN GET THOSE
REALLY PRETTY CAT PAINTINGS
ON THE SHOPPING NETWORK?
NOT THAT I WOULD EVER
WASTE MONEY ON ART.
- HEY, JANEY.
YOU GOT ANY MONEY?
- MONEY?
ARE YOU GOING OUT?
I WOULDN'T MIND GOING OUT
FOR A WHILE.
OF COURSE, I DON'T KNOW
IF I'D WANT TO GO OUT
WITH SOMEONE DRESSED LIKE THAT.
- UH, WHO ARE YOU?
- YOU REMEMBER QUINN,
DARIA'S SISTER?
- OH, YEAH, DARIA'S SISTER.
HEY.
- EXCUSE ME; I HAVE A NAME.
- RIGHT,
DARIA'S SISTER.
- YOU MEAN YOU WANT HIM BACK,
EVEN THOUGH HE TIED YOU
TO A CHAIR
AND LEFT IT ON
AN EIGHT-LANE HIGHWAY
IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSH HOUR?
- HE GOT CARRIED AWAY
BY THE MOMENT.
- EWW!
HOW CAN SHE GO ON TV
LOOKING LIKE THAT?
- SO YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO GO TO GROVE HILLS?
- POSITIVE.
WHY GO TO A SPECIAL SCHOOL
TO LEARN USELESS INFORMATION
WHEN I CAN DO IT AT LAWNDALE
FOR FREE?
- WELL, DARIA,
YOUR FATHER AND I THINK
YOU'RE PASSING UP
AN IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY.
- BUT YOU SAID... OOF!
- HOWEVER, WE SAID
WE'D RESPECT YOUR DECISION,
AND A PROMISE IS A PROMISE.
- REALLY?
SO I CAN HAVE THAT PONY NOW?
- IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
SWEETIE,
YOU JUST LET US KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
- BY THE WAY, WHAT DID YOU THINK
OF THE LANDONS?
- VERY NICE!
- YES, VERY NICE, VERY NICE.
- YOU TICKED THEM OFF.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- YES.
- OF COURSE YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GO TO GROVE HILLS.
I'D NEVER ASK YOU
TO DO ANYTHING YOU'D REGRET.
- OH... ME, NEITHER.
- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE MORGENDORFFERS?
- WHAT A COUPLE OF HEAD CASES.
- MORTGAGE, SWEET MORTGAGE!
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW,
HONEY?
- TRIAL SEPARATION?
- [laughs nervously]
- AND THEN THE OTHER THING IS,
WHO CAME UP WITH THE NAME
"TENNIS BRACELET," ANYWAY?
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND
OF A SWEATBAND, IF YOU ASK ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'D NAME THEM?
WRIST ORNAMENTS.
IT'S LIKE A TREE ORNAMENT,
ONLY FOR YOUR WRIST.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND FESTIVE?
- TAKE... HER... NOW.
- THIS STORY I'VE GOT TO HEAR.
[bell rings]
- RENT A BRAIN.
- [squeaks]
- HOW TO WIN FRIENDS
AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE.
- IT'S NOT BAD.
IT'S ABOUT ALL THE THINGS
A GOOD ATTITUDE CAN GET YOU.
- OH.
THIS IS ABOUT ATTITUDE AS WELL.
"A YOUNG MAN'S JOURNEY
INTO UNKNOWN TERRITORY
"BRINGS HIM FACE-TO-FACE
WITH THE SAVAGE BRUTALITY
WITHIN HIS OWN SOUL."
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[bell rings]
- MACK, MAKE THAT,
"BOYS ARE THE SCOURGE
OF THE EARTH."
- THE TELLTALE HEART?
I LOVE ROMANCE NOVELS!
- YEAH, NOTHING SAYS "BE MINE"
LIKE A POUNDING HEART
BENEATH A FLOORBOARD.
- ATTENTION, YOUNG PEOPLE.
I HAVE AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT.
GROVE HILLS, THE SCHOOL FOR
GIFTED AND OUTSTANDING STUDENTS,
HAS ISSUED INVITATIONS
TO SEVERAL OF OUR STUDENTS
TO VISIT ITS CAMPUS.
AND AMONG THOSE SO HONORED ARE:
MS. MORGENDORFFER
AND MS. LANDON.
[claps]
- I KNEW THOSE STRAIGHT Cs
IN MATH WOULD PAY OFF SOME DAY.
- GAH!
DAMN PLATE!
HEY, MOM TOLD ME
ABOUT GROVE HILLS.
THAT'S GREAT, KIDDO!
- YEAH.
I'M TIRED OF BEING AT A SCHOOL
WHERE THE KIDS JUST THINK
THEY'RE COOLER THAN ME.
I WANT TO GO TO ONE
WHERE THEY THINK
THEY'RE SMARTER THAN ME ALSO.
- DARIA, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU,
HONEY.
GROVE HILLS.
THE FRIENDS YOU MAKE THERE
COULD REALLY LAUNCH YOUR CAREER.
- AND WHY STUDY
WHEN YOU CAN NETWORK?
- IT'S JUST A VISIT, DARIA.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD J.F.K.
- I'LL PAY YOU $20.
- $100.
- HEY! HOW COME
YOU NEVER OFFER ME A BRIBE?
- BECAUSE WE WORK TOGETHER
AS A TEAM.
NOW, LET ME HANDLE THIS.
- DARN IT.
- IF I GIVE YOU $20,
WILL YOU LET ME HANDLE THIS?
- $100.
- $40.
- $60.
- $50.
- DONE.
- $50?
- DONE.
- THEN IT'S SETTLED.
WE'RE GOING TO GROVE HILLS
THIS WEEKEND.
- THAT PLACE WHERE THEY FENCE IN
ALL THE GEEKS?
WHY DO I HAVE TO GO?
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
- QUINN, I'M AFRAID
SIBLINGS AREN'T INVITED.
YOU'RE STAYING HOME.
- YOU MEAN THE WHOLE FAMILY
GETS TO GO WITHOUT ME?
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
- OH, HERE.
- HEY!
- DON'T WORRY,
I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE HOUSE
WHILE YOU'RE GONE.
- YOU MEAN LIKE LAST TIME,
WHEN YOU HAD THAT KEG PARTY AND
JEFFY THREW UP IN MOM'S CLOSET?
- HE DID NOT.
IT WAS JEROME.
- I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF
YOU STAYING HERE ALONE, ANYWAY.
- WHY?
I'M NOT AFRAID.
- YEAH.
WHY SHOULD YOU BE AFRAID?
OF MASS MURDERERS,
SERIAL KILLERS,
TORTURERS, CANNIBALS...
PUPPY KICKERS?
- MOM!
- MAYBE YOU CAN STAY AT SANDI'S,
EVEN IF I HAVE TO CALL
THAT WITCH, LINDA.
LINDA, HOW ARE YOU?
- WELL, I JUST MADE 120% OF MY
TARGET PROJECTION FOR THIS YEAR,
EARNING ME A BONUS
AND AN INCENTIVE CHECK,
SO I'M PRETTY DAMN GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?
- UM, I'M HAVING
A GOOD YEAR TOO.
YES, A VERY GOOD YEAR.
YES.
UH, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR LETTING QUINN STAY
WITH YOU THIS WEEKEND.
NOW, SHE SOMETIMES NEEDS
A LITTLE SUPERVISION...
- DON'T WORRY.
I'VE GOT FIRM GROUND RULES.
FIRST AND FOREMOST: NO BOYS.
- N-O, NO.
- SANDI HAS TO BEAT THEM OFF
WITH A STICK.
WHO AM I KIDDING?
I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM
AT HER AGE.
- SO RICKY AND THE GUYS WILL BE
WAITING FOR US AT TOWER POINT.
- "WEAR SMUDGE-PROOF LIPSTICK."
- I'VE ALREADY HIDDEN
THE KEYS TO THE CAR
IN CASE SANDI GETS ANY IDEAS.
- YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE TO
BEAT THEM OFF WITH A STICK TOO.
- I MADE A COPY OF THE KEYS
TO THE CAR.
- "BRING SCARF
TO AVOID CONVERTIBLE HAIR."
- AND LIGHTS OUT BY 11:00.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
ABOUT THE STICK?
- THEN, AFTER MY MOTHER
CHECKS ON US AT 11:00,
WE CLIMB OUT MY WINDOW,
GRAB THE CAR,
AND MEET THE GUYS.
- BOY, SANDI,
YOU'VE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
NO WONDER YOU'RE PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB.
- MY, LINDA,
YOU'VE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
NO WONDER YOU'RE ON THE BOARD
OF THE LAWNDALE
BUSINESSWOMAN'S ALLIANCE.
- THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
MY PARENTS WILL MEET US UP THERE
AFTER THE NEW MEMBERS' BRUNCH
AT THEIR CLUB.
MY FATHER'S BEEN ON THE
WAITING LIST FOR THREE YEARS.
- REMEMBER, NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS ON THIS RIDE,
YOU'VE ALREADY WAIVED YOUR RIGHT
TO SUE ME FOR CONFINING YOU
WITH LUNATICS.
- SO, JODIE,
DO YOU BELONG TO ANY CLUBS?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT.
- I'M PRESIDENT
OF THE FRENCH CLUB,
VICE PRESIDENT
OF STUDENT COUNCIL,
EDITOR OF YEARBOOK,
AND I'M ALSO ON THE TENNIS TEAM.
- DARIA, WHY AREN'T YOU
ON THE TENNIS TEAM?
- BECAUSE IT'S CLASSIFIED
AS A SPORT.
- SPEAKING OF SPORTS, JODIE,
DO YOU KNOW KEVIN THOMPSON?
HE AND DARIA DID
A SCIENCE PROJECT TOGETHER.
- OH, SURE; KEVIN'S GREAT...
AT SMASHING BEER CANS
WITH HIS HEAD.
- I DON'T KNOW
WHY DARIA DOESN'T HANG AROUND
WITH HIM AND HIS GANG MORE.
- FOR THE SAME REASON
I DON'T SLEEP
WITH MY HEAD PACKED IN ICE.
- SO, JODIE, GOT A FELLA?
- YEAH, HIS NAME'S MICHAEL,
BUT EVERYONE CALLS HIM MACK.
- WOW!
- SHOULD WE GO
TO THE MAIN BUILDING
OR JUST APPLY FOR JOBS
IN THE STABLES?
- SO I TOLD PETER,
"LOOK, I DON'T CARE
HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK ME OUT.
YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE."
- I KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES
HE'S ASKED ME OUT.
- THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
- NO, YOU SAID YOU DON'T CARE
HOW MANY TIMES
HE'S ASKED YOU OUT.
- WELL, I MEANT...
- OH, LOOK, QUINN.
SHE'S WEARING SANDALS
LIKE YOURS.
IS THIS A RERUN?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
CAN I GET YOU A DIET SODA?
- NO, THANKS,
BUT HELP YOURSELF TO THE GRAPES.
I HEAR THEY'RE GOOD
FOR BREAKOUTS.
- HEY, SIS, WHAT YOU WATCHING?
- TURN IT BACK.
OW! YOU LITTLE GEEK.
- HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO FASHION VISION?
- OH, SORRY, QUINN.
UM, YOU WANT
A PEANUT BUTTER LOG?
- NEED A SMOOTHER GLASS?
- SHOULD I FLUFF YOUR SHOELACES?
- WELL, LET'S SEE...
- IF YOU GUYS
LIKE QUINN SO MUCH,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD ADOPT HER
AND I CAN GO LIVE
WITH THE MORGENDORFFERS.
- COOL.
- I'LL HELP YOU PACK.
- QUINN, IT'S GETTING
KIND OF CROWDED IN HERE.
MAYBE TIFFANY HAS MORE ROOM.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SANDI?
- HELLO, WELCOME TO GROVE HILLS.
I'M MARINA.
- I'M JODIE.
- DARIA.
- JODIE, DARIA.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET LARA,
GRAHAM, AND CASSIDY.
- WHAT'S UP?
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- LARA, WHY DON'T YOU
FILL JODIE AND DARIA IN
ON THE MANY ADVANTAGES
OF A GROVE HILLS EDUCATION?
- WELL, NUMBER ONE:
YOU ONLY HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH SHRILL RECRUITERS
AT PHONY FUNCTIONS LIKE THIS.
- UM, EXCUSE ME.
- AND YOU'RE NOT SURROUNDED
BY NEARLY AS MANY STUPID PEOPLE
AS YOU WOULD BE AT HOME.
- STARTING WITH YOUR PARENTS.
[laughter]
- MAYBE THIS PLACE ISN'T SO BAD.
- ♪ EXCUSE YOU ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
- AT GROVE HILLS,
YOU CAN CONTEMPLATE PROUST
IN OUR SPACIOUS DORM ROOMS,
ENGAGE IN CONVERSATIONAL LATIN
OVER A DELICIOUS MEAL...
- DUMP BODIES INTO THE RIVER
FROM OUR SCENIC BELL TOWER.
- [laughs]
- SHH!
- SO ALL ABOARD TO GROVE HILLS,
YOUR FIRST STATION
ON THE TRACK TO WISDOM.
- I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED
OUR LITTLE FILM.
- OH, YES.
- UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
- GREAT.
I THINK A SUPER WAY TO START
THIS MEET-AND-GREET SESSION
WOULD BE TO TELL A LITTLE
ABOUT OUR GOALS IN LIFE.
WHO'D LIKE TO START?
- WELL, SOMEDAY I'D LIKE TO OWN
MY OWN BUSINESS,
MAYBE A CONSULTING FIRM GEARED
TOWARD MINORITY START-UPS.
- EXCELLENT!
- DARIA, WHAT ABOUT YOUR GOAL?
- UM, I DON'T HAVE ANY.
- OH, COME, DARIA.
YOU MUST HAVE SOME GOAL.
- MY GOAL IS NOT TO WAKE UP AT
40 WITH THE BITTER REALIZATION
THAT I'VE WASTED MY LIFE
IN A JOB I HATE
BECAUSE I WAS FORCED TO
DECIDE ON A CAREER IN MY TEENS.
- [giggles]
- WELCOME TO THE HALLOWED HALLS
OF GROVE HILLS.
DO YOU THINK IT'S A COINCIDENCE
THAT THE RICH AND POWERFUL
ALL SEEM TO KNOW EACH OTHER?
THINK AGAIN.
THEY MET AT SCHOOL.
DON'T LET YOUR GIFTED PROGENY
DROWN IN THE PUBLIC
SCHOOL SYSTEM.
AFTER ALL,
WOULD YOU RATHER
THEY GET AN EARLY ACCEPTANCE
TO THE IVY LEAGUE
OR STAGNATE AT SOME
THIRD-RATE COLLEGE?
- HUH?
HEY, THE OLD ALMA MATER!
- YOU MUST BE JODIE'S PARENTS.
- WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
- UM...
- ANDREW LANDON.
MY WIFE, MICHELE.
- HEY, ANDREW!
SAW YOU PARKING
YOUR JAG OUT THERE.
- A LITTLE GIFT I BOUGHT MYSELF
AFTER HITTING THE BIG FIGURES
WITH MY FOLDING COFFEE CUP.
THE KEY WAS FINDING A WAY
TO KEEP THE DAMN CREASES
FROM LEAKING.
- YOU KNOW,
I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
FOR THE SUCTION-POWERED
NAIL CLIPPER,
BUT THEN SOMEBODY
BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH.
- MY BOY, EVAN.
A LINEBACKER, HUH?
NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE MY GIRLS,
BUT EVAN, HE'S MY SON.
- JODIE TOLD US ALL ABOUT YOU
WALKING AWAY FROM
A SENIOR VICE PRESIDENCY
AT U.S. WORLD TO HAVE A BABY.
THAT TOOK GUTS.
A LOT OF WOMEN...
- ALL RIGHT,
SO EVAN WASN'T PLANNED,
BUT I'M OKAY WITH IT.
- MAYBE I COULD TALK HELEN
INTO HAVING A BOY.
- MAYBE I COULD TALK YOU
INTO LETTING ME KEEP THE HOUSE.
- DOES THIS PICTURE MAKE MY NOSE
LOOK TOO CLOSE TO MY MOUTH?
- NO, THEY'RE A COMFORTABLE
DISTANCE APART.
- HOW ABOUT MY TEETH?
THE FRONT ONES
AREN'T TOO WHITE, ARE THEY?
- NO, THEY HAVE JUST
THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF WHITENESS.
CAN WE GO TO CASHMAN'S NOW?
- DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
- NO WAY.
- DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
- NO.
- DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
- YOU'RE NOT FREAKING FAT, OKAY?
- NOW, I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I LIKE JODIE.
I JUST WISH
DARIA WERE AS POPULAR.
- WELL...
- I MEAN, IF JODIE
CAN MAKE FRIENDS SO EASILY,
WHY CAN'T DARIA?
- WHY SHOULD JODIE HAVE
ANY PROBLEMS MAKING FRIENDS?
- WELL, THERE'S NOT A LOT
OF DIVERSITY AT LAWNDALE.
A FEW PEOPLE CAN BE
NARROW-MINDED
AND NOT ALWAYS ACCEPT...
RIGHT AWAY...
PEOPLE FROM
DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS.
- HOW IS JODIE'S BACKGROUND
ANY DIFFERENT FROM DARIA'S?
- ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
EXCUSE ME
WHILE I USE THE LADIES' ROOM.
- YOU KNOW WHAT RILES ME,
JAKE-O?
THOSE DAMN WELFARE CHEATS.
- OH, WELL, I DON'T...
- THANK GOD
FOR CREATIVE ACCOUNTING,
OR I'D BE SPENDING HALF MY NET
SUPPORTING THOSE COUCH POTATOES.
- YES, BUT...
- IT'S BECAUSE OF
THOSE LOUSY CHEATS
THAT AMERICAN COMPANIES END UP
USING CHILD LABOR.
- YEAH, DAMN WELFARE CHEATS!
- NOW, JAKE.
A LOT OF HARD-WORKING PEOPLE
JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP
NOW AND THEN.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT, RIGHT, MICHELE?
- WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M IN FAVOR OF WELFARE?
- I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE STAYING HERE, QUINN.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- DON'T TELL ANYBODY THIS,
BUT I LIKE YOU BEST OUT OF
EVERYONE IN THE FASHION CLUB.
- UM, THAT'S NICE, STACY.
GOD! LOOK AT BRIDGETT
IN THAT SLIP DRESS.
- SLIP DRESS?
IN FACT, I'D SAY
YOU'RE MY FIRST-BEST FRIEND,
AND TIFFANY'S
MY SECOND-BEST FRIEND,
SANDI'S MY THIRD-BEST FRIEND,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES TIFFANY'S
THIRD AND SANDI'S SECOND.
BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS FIRST.
- UM, OKAY.
WHATEVER.
- QUINN, WHO DO YOU LIKE BEST?
- STACY!
I'M TRYING TO READ
THIS ARTICLE ON EYELASHES.
- OH, RIGHT.
SORRY.
- UGH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE'S WEARING IT!
SLIP DRESSES ARE SO OVER!
- YEAH, SLIP DRESSES
ARE SO OVER.
SO, QUINN, WANT TO GO
TO A MOVIE?
- SURE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE?
- I DON'T KNOW,
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SEE.
- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO WEAR?
- AND WHAT'S THAT?
- I THOUGHT WE COULD COLOR
OUR HAIR THE SAME SHADE.
- UM, I GOT TO GO.
[lightning crackles]
- THEY SAY HIGH SCHOOL'S
SUPPOSED TO BE
THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE.
- ONLY IF YOUR LIFE
IS EXTREMELY SHORT.
- EXACTLY.
YOU'RE FUNNY.
- SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE?
- OUR HAPPIEST YEARS WILL BEGIN
WHEN WE MAKE OUR FIRST MILLION.
I CAN'T WAIT TO STROLL DOWN
THE RIVIERA
WITH A MODEL ON EACH ARM.
- GEE, THAT'S INTERESTING.
I GUESS YOU CAN BE
INTELLECTUALLY GIFTED
AND STILL BE MORALLY BANKRUPT.
- I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
[cackles]
- OH, MY GOD.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE DAVID
HAS THE NERVE TO SHOW UP.
- WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?
- WHAT DID HE DO,
CHEAT ON A TEST?
- WORSE.
WE GOT OUR S.A.T. SCORES
BACK TODAY.
DAVID'S WERE ONLY
IN THE 90TH PERCENTILE.
IDIOT.
- I JUST CAN'T HANG OUT
WITH HIM ANYMORE.
HE'S TOO BANAL.
- AND HE USED TO BE
SO INTERESTING.
- THANK GOD
FOR STANDARDIZED TESTS.
OTHERWISE YOU'D NEVER KNOW
WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE.
- RIGHT...
I MEAN... AMUSING.
- SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE?
- DARIA...
HEY, GUYS,
WAIT UP.
[doorbell rings]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- UM, I NEED TO USE YOUR PHONE.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR PHONE?
- NOTHING.
CAN I SPEND THE NIGHT?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
- MY MOTHER SAYS
I CAN'T STAY HOME ALONE.
- I WON'T SAY A WORD.
I'LL EVEN SPRING FOR THE KEG,
BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY
FOR THE DRY-CLEANING.
- IT'S TOO LAST-MINUTE
TO THROW A PARTY.
- THEN JUST TALK ON THE PHONE
ALL NIGHT.
ASK YOUR FRIENDS,
IF THEY COULD BE A NAIL POLISH,
WHAT COLOR THEY WOULD BE
AND WHY.
- I'M SICK OF THAT GAME.
- YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO HOME.
- I AM NOT.
- SORRY, NO VACANCIES.
- ALL RIGHT,
I'M AFRAID.
THERE'S MASS SERIAL
PUPPY KILLERS AND STUFF.
COME ON.
PLEASE?
- I'M GONNA REGRET THIS.
NEVER MIND.
I ALREADY DO.
- HERE AT GROVE HILLS,
WE STRONGLY BELIEVE
THAT PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT
IS IMPERATIVE.
- I COULDN'T AGREE MORE.
- AS A GROVE HILLS PARENT,
YOU'LL BE ATTENDING
MONTHLY BOARD MEETINGS,
WEEKEND CLEANUP PARTIES,
FUND-RAISING DRIVES...
DO YOU COLLATE?
- UM, SURE.
I MEAN, I WOULD IF I HAD
THE TIME, WHICH ISN'T OFTEN.
I'LL TRY TO BE HERE,
SCHEDULE PERMITTING.
- I WAS WONDERING,
JUST HOW MANY STUDENTS
GO ON TO TOP COLLEGES?
- 91%.
- AND WHAT KIND OF SCHOOLS
DO THE OTHER 9% GO TO?
- WELL, SOME STUDENTS
REQUIRE A BIT OF...
REST AFTER GROVE HILLS.
[nervous murmuring]
- UH, WHAT KIND OF REST?
- OH, YOU KNOW,
SOME TIME AWAY
FROM THE PRESSURE OF GRADES
AND AWAY FROM THE PRESSURE
OF COMPETITION
AND OCCASIONALLY AWAY
FROM THE PRESSURE
OF DRESSING
AND FEEDING THEMSELVES.
- BEFORE I CAME HERE,
I WAS AN INTELLECTUAL OUTCAST.
THEY MADE FUN OF ME
FOR QUOTING AYN RAND.
- ACTUALLY, I THINK
SHE'S PRETTY DISTURBING...
- THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
THE POINT IS THAT
YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS
AND THAT AT GROVE HILLS,
YOU CAN DISCUSS HER
WITH PEOPLE LIKE US,
INSTEAD OF IDIOTS AND FOOLS
AND A QUARTERBACK
WHO TELLS THE WHOLE SCHOOL
YOU SHOWER IN A TOWEL.
I'D LIKE TO SEE A QUARTERBACK
WRITE A PAPER ON MAO.
- I THINK THE CULTURAL
REVOLUTION IS...
- YOU HAVE AN AWFUL LOT TO SAY
FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T
EVEN GO TO THIS SCHOOL YET.
- WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- IT MEANS
WHY DON'T WE SEE
WHETHER YOU GET
IN TO GROVE HILLS
BEFORE WE START LISTENING
TO YOUR OPINIONS?
- HEY,
JUST BECAUSE SOME JOCK MADE YOU
FEEL LIKE THE LOSER YOU ARE,
DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
- I'M NOT A LOSER!
I HAVE A 165 I.Q.!
- WHO CARES?
YOU'RE STILL BORING
AND MISERABLE.
TRY TAKING YOUR HEAD
OUT OF YOUR BUTT FOR ONCE
AND OPENING UP
YOUR MYOPIC LITTLE EYES,
OR DOESN'T YOUR 165 I.Q.
MAKE YOU SMART ENOUGH
TO SEE THE WAY YOU REALLY ARE?
- I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SET
FOOT IN THIS SCHOOL AGAIN.
- THAT'S A RELIEF.
FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE GOING TO THREATEN US.
ADMIT IT:
THAT FELT GOOD.
- WELL, A LITTLE.
OKAY, A LOT.
- BUSTING ON JERKS LIKE GRAHAM
IS ONE OF LIFE'S FEW PLEASURES.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT MORE OFTEN.
- OH, SHUT UP.
- UM, GOOD START.
- YOU REALIZE YOUR NEGATIVE
APPROACH TO EVERYTHING
IS SELF-DEFEATING, RIGHT?
- WELL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW
THERE'S SOMEONE I CAN DEFEAT.
- I MEAN, YOU MAY
SPARE YOURSELF SOME PAIN
BY CUTTING EVERYONE OFF,
BUT YOU MISS OUT
ON A LOT OF GOOD STUFF TOO.
- LOOK, JODIE,
I'M TOO SMART AND TOO SENSITIVE
TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE OURS
AT A TIME LIKE THIS
WITH A SISTER LIKE MINE.
MAYBE I DO MISS OUT ON STUFF,
BUT THIS ATTITUDE IS
WHAT WORKS FOR ME NOW.
- THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
WHAT WORKS FOR ME NOW.
AT HOME, I'M JODIE.
I CAN SAY OR DO
WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT.
BUT AT SCHOOL,
I'M THE QUEEN OF THE NEGROES,
THE PERFECT
AFRICAN-AMERICAN TEEN,
THE ROLE MODEL FOR ALL OF
THE OTHER AFRICAN-AMERICAN TEENS
AT LAWNDALE.
OOPS! WHERE'D THEY GO?
BELIEVE ME,
I'D LIKE TO BE MORE LIKE YOU.
- WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT,
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN
I'D LIKE TO BE MORE LIKE YOU.
- REALLY?
- I'M NOT SAYING ALL THE TIME.
- SO LAWNDALE
OR GROVE HILLS?
- I'M STICKING WITH LAWNDALE.
IF I CAME HERE,
I'D END UP POISONING
THE SLOPPY JOE MIX.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M PUSHED
TO THE BREAKING POINT
BEING MISS MODEL STUDENT
AT LAWNDALE.
A YEAR HERE MIGHT KILL ME.
- I MEAN, HE WAS REALLY NICE
AND CUTE AND STUFF,
BUT HE WAS ONLY
TWO INCHES TALLER THAN ME,
AND MY ENTIRE SHOE COLLECTION
IS BASED ON THE CONCEPT
OF DATING GUYS THREE INCHES
TALLER THAN ME OR MORE.
I DON'T GET ABSTRACT ART.
WHO WANTS TO LOOK AT A BUNCH
OF SQUIGGLY, SIX-EYED PEOPLE
WHEN YOU CAN GET THOSE
REALLY PRETTY CAT PAINTINGS
ON THE SHOPPING NETWORK?
NOT THAT I WOULD EVER
WASTE MONEY ON ART.
- HEY, JANEY.
YOU GOT ANY MONEY?
- MONEY?
ARE YOU GOING OUT?
I WOULDN'T MIND GOING OUT
FOR A WHILE.
OF COURSE, I DON'T KNOW
IF I'D WANT TO GO OUT
WITH SOMEONE DRESSED LIKE THAT.
- UH, WHO ARE YOU?
- YOU REMEMBER QUINN,
DARIA'S SISTER?
- OH, YEAH, DARIA'S SISTER.
HEY.
- EXCUSE ME; I HAVE A NAME.
- RIGHT,
DARIA'S SISTER.
- YOU MEAN YOU WANT HIM BACK,
EVEN THOUGH HE TIED YOU
TO A CHAIR
AND LEFT IT ON
AN EIGHT-LANE HIGHWAY
IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSH HOUR?
- HE GOT CARRIED AWAY
BY THE MOMENT.
- EWW!
HOW CAN SHE GO ON TV
LOOKING LIKE THAT?
- SO YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO GO TO GROVE HILLS?
- POSITIVE.
WHY GO TO A SPECIAL SCHOOL
TO LEARN USELESS INFORMATION
WHEN I CAN DO IT AT LAWNDALE
FOR FREE?
- WELL, DARIA,
YOUR FATHER AND I THINK
YOU'RE PASSING UP
AN IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY.
- BUT YOU SAID... OOF!
- HOWEVER, WE SAID
WE'D RESPECT YOUR DECISION,
AND A PROMISE IS A PROMISE.
- REALLY?
SO I CAN HAVE THAT PONY NOW?
- IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
SWEETIE,
YOU JUST LET US KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
- BY THE WAY, WHAT DID YOU THINK
OF THE LANDONS?
- VERY NICE!
- YES, VERY NICE, VERY NICE.
- YOU TICKED THEM OFF.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- YES.
- OF COURSE YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GO TO GROVE HILLS.
I'D NEVER ASK YOU
TO DO ANYTHING YOU'D REGRET.
- OH... ME, NEITHER.
- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE MORGENDORFFERS?
- WHAT A COUPLE OF HEAD CASES.
- MORTGAGE, SWEET MORTGAGE!
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW,
HONEY?
- TRIAL SEPARATION?
- [laughs nervously]
- AND THEN THE OTHER THING IS,
WHO CAME UP WITH THE NAME
"TENNIS BRACELET," ANYWAY?
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND
OF A SWEATBAND, IF YOU ASK ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'D NAME THEM?
WRIST ORNAMENTS.
IT'S LIKE A TREE ORNAMENT,
ONLY FOR YOUR WRIST.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND FESTIVE?
- TAKE... HER... NOW.
- THIS STORY I'VE GOT TO HEAR.
[bell rings]
- RENT A BRAIN.
- [squeaks]
- HOW TO WIN FRIENDS
AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE.
- IT'S NOT BAD.
IT'S ABOUT ALL THE THINGS
A GOOD ATTITUDE CAN GET YOU.
- OH.
THIS IS ABOUT ATTITUDE AS WELL.
"A YOUNG MAN'S JOURNEY
INTO UNKNOWN TERRITORY
"BRINGS HIM FACE-TO-FACE
WITH THE SAVAGE BRUTALITY
WITHIN HIS OWN SOUL."
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪