Daria (1997–2001): Season 2, Episode 7 - The New Kid - full transcript
Daria starts to fall for an eccentric new kid who puzzles her as much as he intrigues.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[school bell rings]
- HEY, DARIA.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU TODAY.
YOU SAID YOU MIGHT COME
TO THE PHOTOGRAPHY MEETING
FOR YEARBOOK.
- YES, WELL, WHEN THE DENTIST
TURNED OFF THE GAS,
I HAD A CHANGE OF HEART.
- BUT IT'S FUN,
AND IT LOOKS GOOD
ON YOUR TRANSCRIPT.
- I'M AGAINST BOTH THOSE THINGS.
- FREE FILM AND DEVELOPING.
- MM-HMM.
- AND IF YOUR PARENTS FIND OUT
YOU'RE EVEN CONSIDERING IT,
YOU COULD PROBABLY SQUEEZE
SOME TREMENDOUS BRIBE
OUT OF 'EM.
- I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE TRYING
TO BRIBE ME... WITH SINGLES.
- SWEETIE, IT'S NOT A BRIBE.
IT'S A DEAL.
HONESTLY, YOU'RE WORSE
THAN MY CLIENTS.
- I'M SORRY.
YEARBOOKS COMPLETELY DISTORT
THE REALITY OF HIGH SCHOOL.
OF COURSE,
THE YEARBOOK EXPERIENCE
COULD PROVIDE MATERIAL
FOR A WEB PAGE...
IF I HAD THE SOFTWARE.
- SOFTWARE IT IS.
- HI. BIG DATE.
CAN'T TALK. BYE.
- HEY, DARIA, RIGHT?
I'M TED, THE PHOTO EDITOR.
I SAW YOUR PICTURES.
- THEN CUT THE SMALL TALK
AND GET STRAIGHT TO FIRING ME.
- [chuckles] THAT'S FUNNY
BECAUSE IT'S THE EXACT OPPOSITE
OF THE TRUTH, RIGHT?
YOU'RE USING SARCASM,
AREN'T YOU?
- ACTUALLY,
I WAS BEING SINCERE FOR ONCE.
WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?
- PLANET?
[giggles]
HEY, HYPERBOLE.
VERY INTERESTING.
SERIOUSLY, THOUGH,
I LOVED YOUR PHOTOS.
YOUR COMPOSITIONS
SEEM VERY SPANISH,
NOT UNLIKE THE PEASANT PAINTINGS
OF FRANCISCO GOYA.
I'M A HUGE GOYA FANATIC.
YOU?
- UH, YEAH. HUGE.
- ACTUALLY, GOYA LIKED TO PAINT
DEATH, DESTRUCTION, BRUTALITY.
YOU'D HAVE MADE GOOD PEN PALS.
- AND THE INTERESTING PART IS
THAT HE'S NEVER BEEN TO SCHOOL.
HIS PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT HIM
AT HOME UNTIL NOW.
ISN'T THAT KIND OF COOL?
- I JUDGE THINGS BY RESULTS.
SO I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... NO.
- HEY, SARCASM.
YOU TWO WOULD GET ALONG.
- IF HE MAKES YOU JOIN HIS CULT,
CAN I HAVE
YOUR WEB PAGE SOFTWARE?
- HE DOESN'T BELONG TO A CULT.
AND THE SHRINK-WRAP
NEVER COMES OFF THAT SOFTWARE.
SOON AS I GET IT,
I'M EXCHANGING IT
FOR CANNIBAL FRAG FEST
ON CD-ROM.
- COMPUTER ULTRAVIOLENCE.
GOYA WOULD'VE LOVED THAT.
- WELL, SINCE YOU ASK,
I WAS KIND OF TRYING TO GET
A HIGH CONTRAST
OF LIGHT AND DARK.
- NEAT.
YOU MUST READ A LOT OF OVID.
I READ ORPHEUS IN
THE UNDERWORLD WHEN I WAS SIX,
AND IT STILL HAUNTS ME.
- UH, YEAH. ME TOO.
- YOU KNOW,
I HAD TO TALK MY PARENTS
INTO LETTING ME
GO TO A NORMAL SCHOOL.
- WHEN DO YOU START?
- [laughs] IRONY.
BUT I LIKE HERE.
I ONLY WISH THAT VOLUNTEERING
OR CHARITY FUNDRAISING
GOT AS MUCH YEARBOOK SPACE
AS SPORTS AND CLUBS.
COME ON.
MR. DEMARTINO?
DARIA AND I WERE JUST SAYING
THAT THERE ARE SOME STUDENTS
AT SCHOOL
WHO ARE REALLY MAKING
A DIFFERENCE,
AND MAYBE
WE'RE SHORTCHANGING THEM
A LITTLE BIT IN THE YEARBOOK.
- HOW NOBLE.
PERHAPS YOU THINK
WE SHOULD CUT SOME PAGES
FROM SPORTS AND CLUBS
TO MAKE MORE ROOM?
- HEY, GOOD IDEA, SIR.
- LET ME PAUSE AND REFLECT.
EVERYONE, SPORTS AND CLUBS
ARE CUT BY TEN PAGES.
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR.
- HAH! NOT MY IDEA.
YOU'VE BEEN SABOTAGED
BY YOUR OWN KIND.
THEY THOUGHT OF IT.
- THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
- HELLO.
- HELLO, TRAITOR.
- IT'S A NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?
FOR A TRAITOR!
- HOW CAN I BETRAY SOMETHING
I DON'T BELIEVE IN?
- IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
SPORTS ARE, LIKE,
THE BEATING HEART
OF THE YEARBOOK, UM, SYSTEM.
- YEAH, PLUS, IT'S, LIKE,
GETTING IN THE YEARBOOK
IS THE ONLY REASON
TO JOIN FRENCH CLUB
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- GEE, BRITTANY,
WHAT ABOUT YOUR DEEP LOVE
FOR THE FRENCH PEOPLE
AND THEIR CULTURE?
- LOVE HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
HE WAS JUST A LONELY
EXCHANGE STUDENT,
AND I WANTED TO GIVE HIM
AN AMERICAN GOOD-BYE.
Both: HUH?
- SORRY.
THIS YEARBOOK CRISIS
IS JUST MESSING ME UP.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABE.
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?
TRAITOR.
- IT'S TOTALLY RUDE.
- COMPLETELY HEINOUS.
- IT'S LIKE THIS GIRL DARIA
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND REASON
OR SOMETHING.
- WELL, I HEAR SHE'S A BRAIN.
YOU CAN'T REASON WITH BRAINS.
- I'M STILL GONNA TALK TO HER.
AS PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB,
I CAN BE KIND OF INTIMIDATING.
- OH, YOU'RE DEFINITELY SCARY,
SANDI.
BUT I THINK
THIS IS A SPECIAL CASE,
SO LET ME TALK TO HER.
IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH
IF YOU'D LET ME TRY.
- YOU'RE THE BEST.
- NO, YOU.
BUT YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS.
- LISTEN, TED HAS A POINT.
- AHA! IT'S THAT BOY.
SO IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE, IS IT?
- IT IS NOT ABOUT LOVE.
- ALL RIGHT, KEEP IT YOUR SECRET
TO CHERISH ALWAYS,
BUT JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE GOING OUT...
- TED AND I ARE NOT GOING OUT.
- WHATEVER.
JUST TELL LOVER BOY
WE WANT OUR YEARBOOK BACK.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YOU JUST USED THE VERB "WANT"
WITH THE NOUN "BOOK."
- SAVE THE MATH GAMES
FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND.
[knocks on door]
- GOSH, I'M GLAD
YOU COULD COME OVER.
DID YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE
FINDING IT?
- THE CORN GROWING
IN YOUR FRONT YARD
SORT OF TIPPED ME OFF.
- YEAH. WE KEEP THE SQUASH
AND BEANS IN THE BACK.
I'VE GOT ALL THESE PHOTO IDEAS
I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT.
I THINK A W.P.A. BLACK-AND-WHITE
DUST-BOWL DOCUMENTARY STYLE
WOULD BE PERFECT.
- UM, YEAH.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
- OH. THAT'S THE PHONOGRAPH
MY DAD AND I MADE.
AND FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD
ABOUT TELEVISION,
THIS IS JUST AS GOOD.
HEY, I HAVE SOME EARLY MUSIC
PLAYED ON PERIOD INSTRUMENTS.
YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE RIGHT THERE
IN FRONT OF THE VIOLA DA GAMBA.
- ACTUALLY, TED,
MAYBE JUST QUIET.
THIS COUCH IS ALL WOOD.
YOU AND YOUR DAD MADE IT,
DIDN'T YOU?
- GEORGIA PINE.
VERY SOFT.
- OKAY, THAT DOES IT.
I'M SORRY, TED.
I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH YOU.
- KEEP UP?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE THE REMARKABLE ONE.
- OH.
- I MEAN,
PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG,
BUT YOU'VE GOT IT ALL.
- UM, THANKS.
HERE, WANT SOME GUM?
- MMM.
- I GUESS
WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,
WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF ORDINARY
AMERICAN TEENAGERS, RIGHT?
TED?
- WOW! SO THIS IS GUM.
I LIKE IT.
MOM, DAD. GUM.
I GOT GUM!
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ ♪
[knocking at door]
- MORGENDORFFERS?
- IF THIS IS FOR GREENPEACE,
WE'VE ALREADY GIVEN.
- GREENPEACE?
THOSE CORPORATE PUPPETS?
- DO WE KNOW YOU?
- LESLIE DEWITT.
- GRANT CLINTON.
TED DEWITT-CLINTON'S PARENTS.
- SORRY,
IS HE ONE OF THE BOYS
WHO WENT OUT WITH QUINN
THE OTHER NIGHT?
- DOES THIS LOOK FAMILIAR?
- GUM?
- YES, FROM YOUR DAUGHTER DARIA.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN
FOR A DRINK?
- ALCOHOL, I PRESUME.
WELL, NOW I SEE
WHERE SHE GETS IT.
- I'LL MAKE A POT OF COFFEE.
- COFFEE?
- I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
THE PROBLEM HERE.
- NATURALLY.
YOU PEOPLE ARE HAPPY
CHEWING ON THE EMPTY OFFERINGS
OF SO-CALLED MODERN SOCIETY.
WE'D JUST APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU KEPT THEM AWAY
FROM OUR SON'S MOUTH.
- NOW, LOOK, HERE, HIPPIE,
DARIA MAY BE A HANDFUL
SOMETIMES,
BUT JUST BECAUSE SHE GAVE
YOUR KID SOME GUM IS NO REASON...
- IT WASN'T JUST THE GUM.
SHE ALSO GAVE HIM THIS.
- THE BEATLES?
- [sobs]
- WE'VE TRIED SO HARD,
AND NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE.
[door closes]
- WHO THE HELL IS THIS TED KID?
- AND WHAT'S HAPPENING
TO OUR NEIGHBORHOOD?
FIRST, PEOPLE GROWING CORN.
NOW THIS?
- WELL, MAYBE HE IS
A LITTLE WEIRD,
BUT HE'S ALSO A LITTLE SWEET.
ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT?
- NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THE FACT
THAT HE NEVER HAD GUM BEFORE.
THIS IS SO CUTE.
YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH A KOOK.
- WE'RE NOT INVOLVED.
- HI, DARIA.
I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
I CARVED YOU THIS NECKLACE
AS THANKS FOR THE GUM.
- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I GUESS SOMEBODY HERE
IS INVOLVED.
- INVOLVED IN WHAT?
HEY, WHO WANTS SOME HUMMUS?
- I CAN'T TAKE THIS.
KEEP IT.
- BUT I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.
I MADE IT.
- TED, I CAN'T TAKE IT.
WE WORK TOGETHER ON YEARBOOK.
WE DON'T MAKE JEWELRY
FOR EACH OTHER.
- YOU AREN'T BEING SARCASTIC
OR HYPERBOLIC, ARE YOU?
- NO.
- OH.
THEN I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU
AT YEARBOOK.
- UM, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING?
- YEAH, A GUY MAKES ME
A NECKLACE BY HAND,
AND I ACT LIKE
IT'S NUCLEAR WASTE.
SURE, I DID THE RIGHT THING.
- OKAY, NOW YOU'RE BEING
SARCASTIC.
- WELL, WHY HAVEN'T WE HEARD
ABOUT THIS BOY BEFORE?
- BECAUSE HE'S A FREAK.
- "FREAK" IS GOOD, RIGHT?
- YEAH, IF YOU THINK BELONGING
TO A CULT IS GOOD.
PLUS, EVERYBODY IN THE CULT
HAS TO WEAR UGLY CLOTHES
AND BE COMPLETELY UNSOCIAL.
IT'S THE WORST.
- A CULT?
WHO IS TED, AND WHY HAVEN'T
YOU TOLD US ABOUT HIM?
AND IS HE TRYING TO GET YOU
TO JOIN A CULT?
- OH, BROTHER.
- HE CALLS HIMSELF "BROTHER"?
YOU MEAN, LIKE "BROTHER TED"?
- NO.
LIKE, "OH, BROTHER,
YOU'RE ALL CRAZY."
TED IS A NICE GUY FROM YEARBOOK.
HE'S ODD,
BUT HE'S NOT IN A CULT.
AND FOR THE LAST TIME,
WE ARE NOT GOING OUT.
- SHE'S OBVIOUSLY LYING.
- ABSOLUTELY.
- NO QUESTION.
- CAN'T YOU TALK TO HER, QUINN?
WHY DON'T YOU SET HER UP
WITH ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS?
THEY'RE ALL NORMAL.
- YEAH,
AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY
THEY'D LAUGH ME OUT OF TOWN
IF I TRIED.
- IF YOU DO, MOM AND I
WILL MAKE IT SWEET FOR YOU.
- HOW SWEET?
- HOW DOES
YOUR OWN WEB PAGE SOUND?
- NOT AS NICE AS THE CRUNCH,
CRUNCH, CRUNCH SOUND
OF A NEW PAIR OF SHOES
ON THE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT.
- DEAL.
QUINN, YOU'RE THE BEST.
- DUH.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY WE SHOULD HELP
SOME RANDOM LOSER FIND A DATE.
- NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND
OF NEGATIVE ATTITUDE THAT SAYS,
"I'M A FASHION NEWS READER
AND NOT A FASHION NEWS MAKER."
- THANK YOU, SANDI.
- BUT WHO WILL WE GET
TO BE HER DATE?
- ROBERT,
YOU LIKE BEING ALLOWED
TO SIT AT THE OTHER END
OF OUR TABLE, RIGHT?
- UH, YES, MA'AM.
- THEN I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT
FOR YOU.
- YES, MA'AM!
- DO YOU THINK
I WAS TOO MEAN TO TED?
- OH, BROTHER.
- HE'S NOT A BROTHER.
AND HE'S NOT IN A CULT.
HE'S JUST VERY HONEST
AND ETHICAL AND SMART,
AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
SO MEAN.
- WHOA, YOU'RE REALLY INTO HIM,
AREN'T YOU?
- NO.
BUT I DO LIKE THE WAY
HE SCARES MY PARENTS.
- ARE YOU SURE
ANNOYING YOUR PARENTS
IS GOOD GROUNDS
FOR A RELATIONSHIP?
- IT WAS FOR ROMEO AND JULIET.
[girl screams]
thud!
- UM, TED, I THINK
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
YOUR NECKLACE WAS BEAUTIFUL,
AND I WAS A JERK
FOR NOT TAKING IT.
- THAT'S OKAY.
- REALLY? GOOD.
THEN I WAS HOPING YOU'D LET ME
BUY YOU A SLICE OF PIZZA.
- TO BE HONEST, DARIA,
I THINK MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP
ON A STRICTLY YEARBOOK LEVEL.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU BLOWING ME OFF?
- WELL, MY PARENTS WARNED ME
THAT KIDS IN CONVENTIONAL SCHOOL
CAN BE KIND OF... SHALLOW.
- YOU THINK I'M SHALLOW?
- YOU SORT OF REMIND ME
OF THAT REALLY POPULAR GIRL
I'VE SEEN AROUND...
QUINN, I THINK.
DO YOU KNOW HER?
YOU'D PROBABLY GET ALONG.
- NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD:
HOAX OR VISION?
SOME PEOPLE IN FLORIDA
CLAIM THEY'VE SEEN THE FACE
OF JESUS... ON A PENNY!
- LOOK, WHEN YOU GET
THROWN OFF A HORSE,
YOU HAVE TO GET BACK UP
AND SHOOT IT, RIGHT?
- I GUESS SO.
- SO I KNOW THIS CUTE GUY
WHO'S GOT A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU.
LET'S DOUBLE!
- ALL RIGHT, THIS IS EITHER
A PLOT TO HUMILIATE ME,
OR YOU NEED ME TO GO
SO I CAN DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
- OKAY, OKAY.
IT'S A TRICK.
IF YOU COME,
MOM AND DAD WILL EXTEND
MY CURFEW BY A HALF AN HOUR.
PLUS, I'M DATING THIS GUY SHAWN
WHO NEVER SHUTS UP.
I WANT SOMEONE ELSE THERE
WHO CAN TALK.
- FORGET IT.
- 10 BUCKS?
- PER HOUR.
- YOU'RE ON.
- NO, I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
- COME ON, DARIA!
YOU WANT MOM AND DAD
TO SET YOU UP WITH SOMEBODY?
- OH, GOD.
- NOW, HURRY UP,
AND GET READY.
I WANT TO GET TO THE SHOE STORE
BEFORE IT CLOSES.
- SO WHAT EXACTLY
ARE WE GONNA DO ON OUR DATE?
- WHAT?
- QUIET, SHAWN.
WELL, DRIVE AROUND, GO TO
A CONVENIENCE STORE, WHATEVER.
THE USUAL RANDOM
TEENAGE SHENANIGANS.
ISN'T IT GREAT?
TALK TO HER.
- UM, SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF U.N.-MANDATED
EMISSIONS CONTROL LAWS
FOR THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES?
- NOBLE IDEA, BUT THE U.N.'S
TIMETABLE IS UNREALISTIC.
HOW 'BOUT YOU?
- UH, SAME.
AGREE OR DISAGREE:
TRADE EMBARGOS ARE
AN EFFECTIVE WAY
TO DEAL WITH COUNTRIES
THAT VI-O-LATE HUMAN RIGHTS?
- AGREE, BUT WITH MAJOR
TRADING PARTNERS, LIKE CHINA,
OUR GOVERNMENT ALWAYS FINDS
A LOOPHOLE.
YOU?
- YEAH, SAME.
CAN SPORTS AND CLUBS
GET THEIR PAGES
BACK IN THE YEARBOOK?
- OKAY, STOP THE CAR.
- WHAT?
- QUIET, SHAWN.
WHY? YOU TWO
ARE GETTING ALONG GREAT.
- I SHOULD'VE KNOWN
THIS WASN'T A REAL DATE
WHEN ROBERT HERE
KEPT CALLING ME "DARCY."
- SORRY, MA'AM.
- AND "MA'AM."
YOU WERE TRYING TO BUY
MY INFLUENCE WITH A DATE?
- THAT'S HOW WE DO IT
IN AMERICA, COMRADE.
NICE WORK.
- WHAT?
- QUIET, SHAWN.
I MEANT BONEHEAD HERE.
- THE CARDS GOT MIXED UP.
- FROM NOW ON,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND
A DIFFERENT TABLE AT LUNCH.
- [crying]
- FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
- WHAT?
[mid-tempo rock music]
♪ ♪
- THIS ONE'S GREAT.
YOU CAN REALLY FEEL THE PAIN.
BUT AREN'T THERE SUPPOSED TO BE
SPOTTERS AT THE TRAMPOLINE?
- WELL, I DON'T THINK
EVEN SPOTTERS
COULD'VE STOPPED THAT FALL.
ANYWAY, SHE'S FINE.
IN FACT, SHE FELL OFF
THE UNEVEN BARS TODAY,
SO IT WAS CLEARLY HER OWN FAULT.
UH-OH. THE ANGRY VILLAGERS.
- WE WANT OUR RIGHTFUL
YEARBOOK PAGES.
- IT'S NOT FAIR THAT
A COUPLE OF OUTSIDERS
ARE DICTATING THE WAY
YEARBOOK IS DONE.
- HEY, THESE TWO OUTSIDERS
MADE A GOOD SUGGESTION.
AND IF IT'S A GOOD SUGGESTION,
WHO CARES IF IT'S FAIR?
- STAND YOUR GROUND.
THEY CAN'T MAKE US GO.
- HEY, EVERYBODY, WHY DON'T WE
POSTPONE THE SHOWDOWN
UNTIL AFTER THE SALE
AT CASHMAN'S?
- NOT SO FAST.
I'M NOT LEAVING
TILL I GET RESULTS.
- SHALL WE SETTLE IT
WITH A GRIP CONTEST?
- WHAT'S THAT?
OW!
THE GEEK'S HURTING ME.
UH, OH, OW!
- BABE! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- THAT'S IT.
I'M TALKING TO THE UNION.
NEXT YEAR, CHESS CLUB.
- THAT WAS A GOOD TRICK.
- ISOMETRIC EXERCISES.
I'VE BEEN DOING THEM
SINCE AGE TEN.
- TED, I'VE BEEN THINKING.
CAN WE BEND
OUR YEARBOOK-ONLY POLICY
AND MAYBE GO OUT FOR SOME PIZZA?
- PIZZA SOUNDS GREAT.
- REALLY?
- "PIZZA." WHAT'S IT MEAN?
I HATE TO SAY IT,
BUT I THINK I ENJOY
THIS PROCESSED CHEESE.
WHAT KIND OF PROCESS
DO THEY USE?
- IT'S A SUGARLESS VERSION
OF THE ONE FOR DING DONGS
AND HOHOS.
- [chuckles]
DING DONGS AND HOHOS.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
I THINK THAT'S KIND OF WHY
I LIKE YOU.
- I LIKE YOU TOO.
THAT'S WHAT'S REALLY CRAZY.
- ANYWAY...
- SO HOHOS...
SO TELL ME ABOUT 'EM.
ARE THEY NAMED AFTER SANTA?
[both talking at once]
- AH, MS. BARCH.
- I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE CUTTING
THE CLUB PICTURES
OUT OF THE YEARBOOK.
- WE'VE DECIDED TO SHIFT
THE EMPHASIS AWAY FROM...
- OH, SAVE IT.
DO YOU KNOW
WHO THE FACULTY ADVISOR
TO THE SCIENCE CLUB IS?
- UH...
- THE SAME PERSON WHO SPONSORS
THE "TAKE BACK THE NIGHT"
LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL
WOMEN'S SELF-DEFENSE CLUB.
HUH-HAH!
- [groans]
- BACK!
- [yelps]
- SO WHAT DO DEGENERATE
OUTSIDERS LIKE US
DO AFTER PIZZA?
- I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD PLAY
SOME VIDEO GAMES AT THE ARCADE.
- OH, NO,
I DON'T THINK SO.
GUM IS ONE THING, BUT...
- THEY'RE HARMLESS.
BESIDES, IF YOU'RE DRAFTED,
YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEM.
- I GUESS
I AM A LITTLE CURIOUS.
- COME ON, DUDES.
LET'S GET OVER THERE.
- WHY?
- SO WE CAN HASSLE
THAT CHICK DARCY AND HER DATE.
- WHY?
- I CAN'T REMEMBER,
BUT I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT:
CASTLE SCENARIO,
UNDERWATER PARADISE,
FUTURISTIC DYSTOPIA?
- I GUESS THE CASTLE ONE.
- OKEYDOKE, BOSS.
- DARIA?
- IT'S TOO MUCH, RIGHT?
I FEEL A LITTLE SICK MYSELF.
- IT'S NOT REALLY REPRESENTATIVE
OF MEDIEVAL SOCIETY,
BUT I HAVE TO SAY
THIS IS THE COOLEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
- THOSE ARE SOME FRIENDS
OF OURS.
CAN WE JOIN IN?
- THE ROYAL THRONE.
- GOOD, I NEED TO SIT DOWN.
- NOT SO FAST, WEIRDOES.
- ROBERT?
- THAT'S SIR ROBERT, DARCY.
- DARIA.
- HYAH!
- TED, WOW.
- I TAUGHT MYSELF FROM
AN 11TH-CENTURY MANUSCRIPT
ON SWORDPLAY.
IT'S EASY.
- NO WAY.
I'M NOT GOING OUT LIKE THIS.
COME ON.
- LET'S GO, DARIA.
WE CAN CATCH THEM.
- THIS IS REALLY MAKING ME
NAUSEOUS.
YOU GO AHEAD.
[sighs]
TED, THEY'RE GONNA CLOSE UP
PRETTY SOON.
- THEY'LL HAVE TO
PULL THE PLUG THEN.
WE STILL HAVE A LOT
OF FIGHT LEFT, RIGHT, MEN?
All: AYE!
[boys all making
fighting sounds]
- IT'S MY OWN FAULT.
HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO
TO THE ARCADE.
- I TOLD YOU: FIRST DATE, STICK
TO VANDALISM AND LOITERING.
BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE
DIFFERENT.
- HEADS UP.
- WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS
TAKE THE STRAIN OFF YOUR WRIST
AND USE MORE OF YOUR ELBOW,
LIKE THIS.
- OH, YEAH. YOU GOTTA SHOW ME
ON THE MACHINE.
MAYBE AFTER SCHOOL?
- OKAY.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE
MIGHT OBTAIN SOME GUM, DO YOU?
- BOYS PLAYING WITH SWORDS.
I THINK THAT PROBABLY HAS
SOME SIGNIFICANCE.
- OH, WELL, AT LEAST
WE'RE STILL FIGHTING
THE GOOD FIGHT AT YEARBOOK.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- AH, DARIA,
I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS
ABOUT THOSE PAGES WE TOOK
FROM SPORTS AND CLUBS.
DOH! WOMAN!
- I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
- YOU JOINED THE CULT?
- THERE'S NO CULT.
I HAD TO RESIGN FROM YEARBOOK.
IT WAS A QUESTION OF ETHICS.
- AGAIN?
- DON'T WORRY.
SHE WAS ON STAFF FOR A WEEK.
SHE CAN STILL PUT IT
ON HER COLLEGE APPLICATION.
- NO QUESTIONS ABOUT ETHICS
HERE.
SO THEN I CAN KEEP
THE WEB PAGE STUFF?
- ACTUALLY,
WE GAVE IT TO QUINN.
- QUINN?
DID SHE REMOVE THE SHRINK-WRAP?
[computer beeps]
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU DID THIS YOURSELF?
- OF COURSE NOT.
I HAD ONE OF THE CUTER
TECHNICAL TYPES
FROM SCHOOL
SET IT UP FOR ME.
- I HAD TO ASK.
- OH, SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
WITH THAT TED GUY.
ISN'T FUNNY
THAT NOW IT TURNS OUT
HE'S ALMOST SORT OF COOL
AND INTERESTING?
- YEAH. HILARIOUS.
- HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
MY WEB PAGE HAS HAD 2,500 HITS
IN JUST THE LAST THREE HOURS.
- REALLY?
I CAN BEAT THAT.
- YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
A WEB PAGE.
- NO, BUT I CAN HIT.
- OH!
[punches landing]
OW! OW!
MOM! DAD! HELP!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[school bell rings]
- HEY, DARIA.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU TODAY.
YOU SAID YOU MIGHT COME
TO THE PHOTOGRAPHY MEETING
FOR YEARBOOK.
- YES, WELL, WHEN THE DENTIST
TURNED OFF THE GAS,
I HAD A CHANGE OF HEART.
- BUT IT'S FUN,
AND IT LOOKS GOOD
ON YOUR TRANSCRIPT.
- I'M AGAINST BOTH THOSE THINGS.
- FREE FILM AND DEVELOPING.
- MM-HMM.
- AND IF YOUR PARENTS FIND OUT
YOU'RE EVEN CONSIDERING IT,
YOU COULD PROBABLY SQUEEZE
SOME TREMENDOUS BRIBE
OUT OF 'EM.
- I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE TRYING
TO BRIBE ME... WITH SINGLES.
- SWEETIE, IT'S NOT A BRIBE.
IT'S A DEAL.
HONESTLY, YOU'RE WORSE
THAN MY CLIENTS.
- I'M SORRY.
YEARBOOKS COMPLETELY DISTORT
THE REALITY OF HIGH SCHOOL.
OF COURSE,
THE YEARBOOK EXPERIENCE
COULD PROVIDE MATERIAL
FOR A WEB PAGE...
IF I HAD THE SOFTWARE.
- SOFTWARE IT IS.
- HI. BIG DATE.
CAN'T TALK. BYE.
- HEY, DARIA, RIGHT?
I'M TED, THE PHOTO EDITOR.
I SAW YOUR PICTURES.
- THEN CUT THE SMALL TALK
AND GET STRAIGHT TO FIRING ME.
- [chuckles] THAT'S FUNNY
BECAUSE IT'S THE EXACT OPPOSITE
OF THE TRUTH, RIGHT?
YOU'RE USING SARCASM,
AREN'T YOU?
- ACTUALLY,
I WAS BEING SINCERE FOR ONCE.
WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?
- PLANET?
[giggles]
HEY, HYPERBOLE.
VERY INTERESTING.
SERIOUSLY, THOUGH,
I LOVED YOUR PHOTOS.
YOUR COMPOSITIONS
SEEM VERY SPANISH,
NOT UNLIKE THE PEASANT PAINTINGS
OF FRANCISCO GOYA.
I'M A HUGE GOYA FANATIC.
YOU?
- UH, YEAH. HUGE.
- ACTUALLY, GOYA LIKED TO PAINT
DEATH, DESTRUCTION, BRUTALITY.
YOU'D HAVE MADE GOOD PEN PALS.
- AND THE INTERESTING PART IS
THAT HE'S NEVER BEEN TO SCHOOL.
HIS PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT HIM
AT HOME UNTIL NOW.
ISN'T THAT KIND OF COOL?
- I JUDGE THINGS BY RESULTS.
SO I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... NO.
- HEY, SARCASM.
YOU TWO WOULD GET ALONG.
- IF HE MAKES YOU JOIN HIS CULT,
CAN I HAVE
YOUR WEB PAGE SOFTWARE?
- HE DOESN'T BELONG TO A CULT.
AND THE SHRINK-WRAP
NEVER COMES OFF THAT SOFTWARE.
SOON AS I GET IT,
I'M EXCHANGING IT
FOR CANNIBAL FRAG FEST
ON CD-ROM.
- COMPUTER ULTRAVIOLENCE.
GOYA WOULD'VE LOVED THAT.
- WELL, SINCE YOU ASK,
I WAS KIND OF TRYING TO GET
A HIGH CONTRAST
OF LIGHT AND DARK.
- NEAT.
YOU MUST READ A LOT OF OVID.
I READ ORPHEUS IN
THE UNDERWORLD WHEN I WAS SIX,
AND IT STILL HAUNTS ME.
- UH, YEAH. ME TOO.
- YOU KNOW,
I HAD TO TALK MY PARENTS
INTO LETTING ME
GO TO A NORMAL SCHOOL.
- WHEN DO YOU START?
- [laughs] IRONY.
BUT I LIKE HERE.
I ONLY WISH THAT VOLUNTEERING
OR CHARITY FUNDRAISING
GOT AS MUCH YEARBOOK SPACE
AS SPORTS AND CLUBS.
COME ON.
MR. DEMARTINO?
DARIA AND I WERE JUST SAYING
THAT THERE ARE SOME STUDENTS
AT SCHOOL
WHO ARE REALLY MAKING
A DIFFERENCE,
AND MAYBE
WE'RE SHORTCHANGING THEM
A LITTLE BIT IN THE YEARBOOK.
- HOW NOBLE.
PERHAPS YOU THINK
WE SHOULD CUT SOME PAGES
FROM SPORTS AND CLUBS
TO MAKE MORE ROOM?
- HEY, GOOD IDEA, SIR.
- LET ME PAUSE AND REFLECT.
EVERYONE, SPORTS AND CLUBS
ARE CUT BY TEN PAGES.
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR.
- HAH! NOT MY IDEA.
YOU'VE BEEN SABOTAGED
BY YOUR OWN KIND.
THEY THOUGHT OF IT.
- THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
- HELLO.
- HELLO, TRAITOR.
- IT'S A NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?
FOR A TRAITOR!
- HOW CAN I BETRAY SOMETHING
I DON'T BELIEVE IN?
- IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
SPORTS ARE, LIKE,
THE BEATING HEART
OF THE YEARBOOK, UM, SYSTEM.
- YEAH, PLUS, IT'S, LIKE,
GETTING IN THE YEARBOOK
IS THE ONLY REASON
TO JOIN FRENCH CLUB
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- GEE, BRITTANY,
WHAT ABOUT YOUR DEEP LOVE
FOR THE FRENCH PEOPLE
AND THEIR CULTURE?
- LOVE HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
HE WAS JUST A LONELY
EXCHANGE STUDENT,
AND I WANTED TO GIVE HIM
AN AMERICAN GOOD-BYE.
Both: HUH?
- SORRY.
THIS YEARBOOK CRISIS
IS JUST MESSING ME UP.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABE.
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?
TRAITOR.
- IT'S TOTALLY RUDE.
- COMPLETELY HEINOUS.
- IT'S LIKE THIS GIRL DARIA
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND REASON
OR SOMETHING.
- WELL, I HEAR SHE'S A BRAIN.
YOU CAN'T REASON WITH BRAINS.
- I'M STILL GONNA TALK TO HER.
AS PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB,
I CAN BE KIND OF INTIMIDATING.
- OH, YOU'RE DEFINITELY SCARY,
SANDI.
BUT I THINK
THIS IS A SPECIAL CASE,
SO LET ME TALK TO HER.
IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH
IF YOU'D LET ME TRY.
- YOU'RE THE BEST.
- NO, YOU.
BUT YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS.
- LISTEN, TED HAS A POINT.
- AHA! IT'S THAT BOY.
SO IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE, IS IT?
- IT IS NOT ABOUT LOVE.
- ALL RIGHT, KEEP IT YOUR SECRET
TO CHERISH ALWAYS,
BUT JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE GOING OUT...
- TED AND I ARE NOT GOING OUT.
- WHATEVER.
JUST TELL LOVER BOY
WE WANT OUR YEARBOOK BACK.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YOU JUST USED THE VERB "WANT"
WITH THE NOUN "BOOK."
- SAVE THE MATH GAMES
FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND.
[knocks on door]
- GOSH, I'M GLAD
YOU COULD COME OVER.
DID YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE
FINDING IT?
- THE CORN GROWING
IN YOUR FRONT YARD
SORT OF TIPPED ME OFF.
- YEAH. WE KEEP THE SQUASH
AND BEANS IN THE BACK.
I'VE GOT ALL THESE PHOTO IDEAS
I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT.
I THINK A W.P.A. BLACK-AND-WHITE
DUST-BOWL DOCUMENTARY STYLE
WOULD BE PERFECT.
- UM, YEAH.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
- OH. THAT'S THE PHONOGRAPH
MY DAD AND I MADE.
AND FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD
ABOUT TELEVISION,
THIS IS JUST AS GOOD.
HEY, I HAVE SOME EARLY MUSIC
PLAYED ON PERIOD INSTRUMENTS.
YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE RIGHT THERE
IN FRONT OF THE VIOLA DA GAMBA.
- ACTUALLY, TED,
MAYBE JUST QUIET.
THIS COUCH IS ALL WOOD.
YOU AND YOUR DAD MADE IT,
DIDN'T YOU?
- GEORGIA PINE.
VERY SOFT.
- OKAY, THAT DOES IT.
I'M SORRY, TED.
I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH YOU.
- KEEP UP?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE THE REMARKABLE ONE.
- OH.
- I MEAN,
PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG,
BUT YOU'VE GOT IT ALL.
- UM, THANKS.
HERE, WANT SOME GUM?
- MMM.
- I GUESS
WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,
WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF ORDINARY
AMERICAN TEENAGERS, RIGHT?
TED?
- WOW! SO THIS IS GUM.
I LIKE IT.
MOM, DAD. GUM.
I GOT GUM!
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ ♪
[knocking at door]
- MORGENDORFFERS?
- IF THIS IS FOR GREENPEACE,
WE'VE ALREADY GIVEN.
- GREENPEACE?
THOSE CORPORATE PUPPETS?
- DO WE KNOW YOU?
- LESLIE DEWITT.
- GRANT CLINTON.
TED DEWITT-CLINTON'S PARENTS.
- SORRY,
IS HE ONE OF THE BOYS
WHO WENT OUT WITH QUINN
THE OTHER NIGHT?
- DOES THIS LOOK FAMILIAR?
- GUM?
- YES, FROM YOUR DAUGHTER DARIA.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN
FOR A DRINK?
- ALCOHOL, I PRESUME.
WELL, NOW I SEE
WHERE SHE GETS IT.
- I'LL MAKE A POT OF COFFEE.
- COFFEE?
- I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
THE PROBLEM HERE.
- NATURALLY.
YOU PEOPLE ARE HAPPY
CHEWING ON THE EMPTY OFFERINGS
OF SO-CALLED MODERN SOCIETY.
WE'D JUST APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU KEPT THEM AWAY
FROM OUR SON'S MOUTH.
- NOW, LOOK, HERE, HIPPIE,
DARIA MAY BE A HANDFUL
SOMETIMES,
BUT JUST BECAUSE SHE GAVE
YOUR KID SOME GUM IS NO REASON...
- IT WASN'T JUST THE GUM.
SHE ALSO GAVE HIM THIS.
- THE BEATLES?
- [sobs]
- WE'VE TRIED SO HARD,
AND NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE.
[door closes]
- WHO THE HELL IS THIS TED KID?
- AND WHAT'S HAPPENING
TO OUR NEIGHBORHOOD?
FIRST, PEOPLE GROWING CORN.
NOW THIS?
- WELL, MAYBE HE IS
A LITTLE WEIRD,
BUT HE'S ALSO A LITTLE SWEET.
ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT?
- NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THE FACT
THAT HE NEVER HAD GUM BEFORE.
THIS IS SO CUTE.
YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH A KOOK.
- WE'RE NOT INVOLVED.
- HI, DARIA.
I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
I CARVED YOU THIS NECKLACE
AS THANKS FOR THE GUM.
- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I GUESS SOMEBODY HERE
IS INVOLVED.
- INVOLVED IN WHAT?
HEY, WHO WANTS SOME HUMMUS?
- I CAN'T TAKE THIS.
KEEP IT.
- BUT I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.
I MADE IT.
- TED, I CAN'T TAKE IT.
WE WORK TOGETHER ON YEARBOOK.
WE DON'T MAKE JEWELRY
FOR EACH OTHER.
- YOU AREN'T BEING SARCASTIC
OR HYPERBOLIC, ARE YOU?
- NO.
- OH.
THEN I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU
AT YEARBOOK.
- UM, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING?
- YEAH, A GUY MAKES ME
A NECKLACE BY HAND,
AND I ACT LIKE
IT'S NUCLEAR WASTE.
SURE, I DID THE RIGHT THING.
- OKAY, NOW YOU'RE BEING
SARCASTIC.
- WELL, WHY HAVEN'T WE HEARD
ABOUT THIS BOY BEFORE?
- BECAUSE HE'S A FREAK.
- "FREAK" IS GOOD, RIGHT?
- YEAH, IF YOU THINK BELONGING
TO A CULT IS GOOD.
PLUS, EVERYBODY IN THE CULT
HAS TO WEAR UGLY CLOTHES
AND BE COMPLETELY UNSOCIAL.
IT'S THE WORST.
- A CULT?
WHO IS TED, AND WHY HAVEN'T
YOU TOLD US ABOUT HIM?
AND IS HE TRYING TO GET YOU
TO JOIN A CULT?
- OH, BROTHER.
- HE CALLS HIMSELF "BROTHER"?
YOU MEAN, LIKE "BROTHER TED"?
- NO.
LIKE, "OH, BROTHER,
YOU'RE ALL CRAZY."
TED IS A NICE GUY FROM YEARBOOK.
HE'S ODD,
BUT HE'S NOT IN A CULT.
AND FOR THE LAST TIME,
WE ARE NOT GOING OUT.
- SHE'S OBVIOUSLY LYING.
- ABSOLUTELY.
- NO QUESTION.
- CAN'T YOU TALK TO HER, QUINN?
WHY DON'T YOU SET HER UP
WITH ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS?
THEY'RE ALL NORMAL.
- YEAH,
AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY
THEY'D LAUGH ME OUT OF TOWN
IF I TRIED.
- IF YOU DO, MOM AND I
WILL MAKE IT SWEET FOR YOU.
- HOW SWEET?
- HOW DOES
YOUR OWN WEB PAGE SOUND?
- NOT AS NICE AS THE CRUNCH,
CRUNCH, CRUNCH SOUND
OF A NEW PAIR OF SHOES
ON THE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT.
- DEAL.
QUINN, YOU'RE THE BEST.
- DUH.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY WE SHOULD HELP
SOME RANDOM LOSER FIND A DATE.
- NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND
OF NEGATIVE ATTITUDE THAT SAYS,
"I'M A FASHION NEWS READER
AND NOT A FASHION NEWS MAKER."
- THANK YOU, SANDI.
- BUT WHO WILL WE GET
TO BE HER DATE?
- ROBERT,
YOU LIKE BEING ALLOWED
TO SIT AT THE OTHER END
OF OUR TABLE, RIGHT?
- UH, YES, MA'AM.
- THEN I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT
FOR YOU.
- YES, MA'AM!
- DO YOU THINK
I WAS TOO MEAN TO TED?
- OH, BROTHER.
- HE'S NOT A BROTHER.
AND HE'S NOT IN A CULT.
HE'S JUST VERY HONEST
AND ETHICAL AND SMART,
AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
SO MEAN.
- WHOA, YOU'RE REALLY INTO HIM,
AREN'T YOU?
- NO.
BUT I DO LIKE THE WAY
HE SCARES MY PARENTS.
- ARE YOU SURE
ANNOYING YOUR PARENTS
IS GOOD GROUNDS
FOR A RELATIONSHIP?
- IT WAS FOR ROMEO AND JULIET.
[girl screams]
thud!
- UM, TED, I THINK
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
YOUR NECKLACE WAS BEAUTIFUL,
AND I WAS A JERK
FOR NOT TAKING IT.
- THAT'S OKAY.
- REALLY? GOOD.
THEN I WAS HOPING YOU'D LET ME
BUY YOU A SLICE OF PIZZA.
- TO BE HONEST, DARIA,
I THINK MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP
ON A STRICTLY YEARBOOK LEVEL.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU BLOWING ME OFF?
- WELL, MY PARENTS WARNED ME
THAT KIDS IN CONVENTIONAL SCHOOL
CAN BE KIND OF... SHALLOW.
- YOU THINK I'M SHALLOW?
- YOU SORT OF REMIND ME
OF THAT REALLY POPULAR GIRL
I'VE SEEN AROUND...
QUINN, I THINK.
DO YOU KNOW HER?
YOU'D PROBABLY GET ALONG.
- NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD:
HOAX OR VISION?
SOME PEOPLE IN FLORIDA
CLAIM THEY'VE SEEN THE FACE
OF JESUS... ON A PENNY!
- LOOK, WHEN YOU GET
THROWN OFF A HORSE,
YOU HAVE TO GET BACK UP
AND SHOOT IT, RIGHT?
- I GUESS SO.
- SO I KNOW THIS CUTE GUY
WHO'S GOT A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU.
LET'S DOUBLE!
- ALL RIGHT, THIS IS EITHER
A PLOT TO HUMILIATE ME,
OR YOU NEED ME TO GO
SO I CAN DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
- OKAY, OKAY.
IT'S A TRICK.
IF YOU COME,
MOM AND DAD WILL EXTEND
MY CURFEW BY A HALF AN HOUR.
PLUS, I'M DATING THIS GUY SHAWN
WHO NEVER SHUTS UP.
I WANT SOMEONE ELSE THERE
WHO CAN TALK.
- FORGET IT.
- 10 BUCKS?
- PER HOUR.
- YOU'RE ON.
- NO, I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
- COME ON, DARIA!
YOU WANT MOM AND DAD
TO SET YOU UP WITH SOMEBODY?
- OH, GOD.
- NOW, HURRY UP,
AND GET READY.
I WANT TO GET TO THE SHOE STORE
BEFORE IT CLOSES.
- SO WHAT EXACTLY
ARE WE GONNA DO ON OUR DATE?
- WHAT?
- QUIET, SHAWN.
WELL, DRIVE AROUND, GO TO
A CONVENIENCE STORE, WHATEVER.
THE USUAL RANDOM
TEENAGE SHENANIGANS.
ISN'T IT GREAT?
TALK TO HER.
- UM, SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF U.N.-MANDATED
EMISSIONS CONTROL LAWS
FOR THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES?
- NOBLE IDEA, BUT THE U.N.'S
TIMETABLE IS UNREALISTIC.
HOW 'BOUT YOU?
- UH, SAME.
AGREE OR DISAGREE:
TRADE EMBARGOS ARE
AN EFFECTIVE WAY
TO DEAL WITH COUNTRIES
THAT VI-O-LATE HUMAN RIGHTS?
- AGREE, BUT WITH MAJOR
TRADING PARTNERS, LIKE CHINA,
OUR GOVERNMENT ALWAYS FINDS
A LOOPHOLE.
YOU?
- YEAH, SAME.
CAN SPORTS AND CLUBS
GET THEIR PAGES
BACK IN THE YEARBOOK?
- OKAY, STOP THE CAR.
- WHAT?
- QUIET, SHAWN.
WHY? YOU TWO
ARE GETTING ALONG GREAT.
- I SHOULD'VE KNOWN
THIS WASN'T A REAL DATE
WHEN ROBERT HERE
KEPT CALLING ME "DARCY."
- SORRY, MA'AM.
- AND "MA'AM."
YOU WERE TRYING TO BUY
MY INFLUENCE WITH A DATE?
- THAT'S HOW WE DO IT
IN AMERICA, COMRADE.
NICE WORK.
- WHAT?
- QUIET, SHAWN.
I MEANT BONEHEAD HERE.
- THE CARDS GOT MIXED UP.
- FROM NOW ON,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND
A DIFFERENT TABLE AT LUNCH.
- [crying]
- FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
- WHAT?
[mid-tempo rock music]
♪ ♪
- THIS ONE'S GREAT.
YOU CAN REALLY FEEL THE PAIN.
BUT AREN'T THERE SUPPOSED TO BE
SPOTTERS AT THE TRAMPOLINE?
- WELL, I DON'T THINK
EVEN SPOTTERS
COULD'VE STOPPED THAT FALL.
ANYWAY, SHE'S FINE.
IN FACT, SHE FELL OFF
THE UNEVEN BARS TODAY,
SO IT WAS CLEARLY HER OWN FAULT.
UH-OH. THE ANGRY VILLAGERS.
- WE WANT OUR RIGHTFUL
YEARBOOK PAGES.
- IT'S NOT FAIR THAT
A COUPLE OF OUTSIDERS
ARE DICTATING THE WAY
YEARBOOK IS DONE.
- HEY, THESE TWO OUTSIDERS
MADE A GOOD SUGGESTION.
AND IF IT'S A GOOD SUGGESTION,
WHO CARES IF IT'S FAIR?
- STAND YOUR GROUND.
THEY CAN'T MAKE US GO.
- HEY, EVERYBODY, WHY DON'T WE
POSTPONE THE SHOWDOWN
UNTIL AFTER THE SALE
AT CASHMAN'S?
- NOT SO FAST.
I'M NOT LEAVING
TILL I GET RESULTS.
- SHALL WE SETTLE IT
WITH A GRIP CONTEST?
- WHAT'S THAT?
OW!
THE GEEK'S HURTING ME.
UH, OH, OW!
- BABE! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- THAT'S IT.
I'M TALKING TO THE UNION.
NEXT YEAR, CHESS CLUB.
- THAT WAS A GOOD TRICK.
- ISOMETRIC EXERCISES.
I'VE BEEN DOING THEM
SINCE AGE TEN.
- TED, I'VE BEEN THINKING.
CAN WE BEND
OUR YEARBOOK-ONLY POLICY
AND MAYBE GO OUT FOR SOME PIZZA?
- PIZZA SOUNDS GREAT.
- REALLY?
- "PIZZA." WHAT'S IT MEAN?
I HATE TO SAY IT,
BUT I THINK I ENJOY
THIS PROCESSED CHEESE.
WHAT KIND OF PROCESS
DO THEY USE?
- IT'S A SUGARLESS VERSION
OF THE ONE FOR DING DONGS
AND HOHOS.
- [chuckles]
DING DONGS AND HOHOS.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
I THINK THAT'S KIND OF WHY
I LIKE YOU.
- I LIKE YOU TOO.
THAT'S WHAT'S REALLY CRAZY.
- ANYWAY...
- SO HOHOS...
SO TELL ME ABOUT 'EM.
ARE THEY NAMED AFTER SANTA?
[both talking at once]
- AH, MS. BARCH.
- I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE CUTTING
THE CLUB PICTURES
OUT OF THE YEARBOOK.
- WE'VE DECIDED TO SHIFT
THE EMPHASIS AWAY FROM...
- OH, SAVE IT.
DO YOU KNOW
WHO THE FACULTY ADVISOR
TO THE SCIENCE CLUB IS?
- UH...
- THE SAME PERSON WHO SPONSORS
THE "TAKE BACK THE NIGHT"
LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL
WOMEN'S SELF-DEFENSE CLUB.
HUH-HAH!
- [groans]
- BACK!
- [yelps]
- SO WHAT DO DEGENERATE
OUTSIDERS LIKE US
DO AFTER PIZZA?
- I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD PLAY
SOME VIDEO GAMES AT THE ARCADE.
- OH, NO,
I DON'T THINK SO.
GUM IS ONE THING, BUT...
- THEY'RE HARMLESS.
BESIDES, IF YOU'RE DRAFTED,
YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEM.
- I GUESS
I AM A LITTLE CURIOUS.
- COME ON, DUDES.
LET'S GET OVER THERE.
- WHY?
- SO WE CAN HASSLE
THAT CHICK DARCY AND HER DATE.
- WHY?
- I CAN'T REMEMBER,
BUT I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT:
CASTLE SCENARIO,
UNDERWATER PARADISE,
FUTURISTIC DYSTOPIA?
- I GUESS THE CASTLE ONE.
- OKEYDOKE, BOSS.
- DARIA?
- IT'S TOO MUCH, RIGHT?
I FEEL A LITTLE SICK MYSELF.
- IT'S NOT REALLY REPRESENTATIVE
OF MEDIEVAL SOCIETY,
BUT I HAVE TO SAY
THIS IS THE COOLEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
- THOSE ARE SOME FRIENDS
OF OURS.
CAN WE JOIN IN?
- THE ROYAL THRONE.
- GOOD, I NEED TO SIT DOWN.
- NOT SO FAST, WEIRDOES.
- ROBERT?
- THAT'S SIR ROBERT, DARCY.
- DARIA.
- HYAH!
- TED, WOW.
- I TAUGHT MYSELF FROM
AN 11TH-CENTURY MANUSCRIPT
ON SWORDPLAY.
IT'S EASY.
- NO WAY.
I'M NOT GOING OUT LIKE THIS.
COME ON.
- LET'S GO, DARIA.
WE CAN CATCH THEM.
- THIS IS REALLY MAKING ME
NAUSEOUS.
YOU GO AHEAD.
[sighs]
TED, THEY'RE GONNA CLOSE UP
PRETTY SOON.
- THEY'LL HAVE TO
PULL THE PLUG THEN.
WE STILL HAVE A LOT
OF FIGHT LEFT, RIGHT, MEN?
All: AYE!
[boys all making
fighting sounds]
- IT'S MY OWN FAULT.
HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO
TO THE ARCADE.
- I TOLD YOU: FIRST DATE, STICK
TO VANDALISM AND LOITERING.
BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE
DIFFERENT.
- HEADS UP.
- WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS
TAKE THE STRAIN OFF YOUR WRIST
AND USE MORE OF YOUR ELBOW,
LIKE THIS.
- OH, YEAH. YOU GOTTA SHOW ME
ON THE MACHINE.
MAYBE AFTER SCHOOL?
- OKAY.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE
MIGHT OBTAIN SOME GUM, DO YOU?
- BOYS PLAYING WITH SWORDS.
I THINK THAT PROBABLY HAS
SOME SIGNIFICANCE.
- OH, WELL, AT LEAST
WE'RE STILL FIGHTING
THE GOOD FIGHT AT YEARBOOK.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- AH, DARIA,
I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS
ABOUT THOSE PAGES WE TOOK
FROM SPORTS AND CLUBS.
DOH! WOMAN!
- I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
- YOU JOINED THE CULT?
- THERE'S NO CULT.
I HAD TO RESIGN FROM YEARBOOK.
IT WAS A QUESTION OF ETHICS.
- AGAIN?
- DON'T WORRY.
SHE WAS ON STAFF FOR A WEEK.
SHE CAN STILL PUT IT
ON HER COLLEGE APPLICATION.
- NO QUESTIONS ABOUT ETHICS
HERE.
SO THEN I CAN KEEP
THE WEB PAGE STUFF?
- ACTUALLY,
WE GAVE IT TO QUINN.
- QUINN?
DID SHE REMOVE THE SHRINK-WRAP?
[computer beeps]
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU DID THIS YOURSELF?
- OF COURSE NOT.
I HAD ONE OF THE CUTER
TECHNICAL TYPES
FROM SCHOOL
SET IT UP FOR ME.
- I HAD TO ASK.
- OH, SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
WITH THAT TED GUY.
ISN'T FUNNY
THAT NOW IT TURNS OUT
HE'S ALMOST SORT OF COOL
AND INTERESTING?
- YEAH. HILARIOUS.
- HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
MY WEB PAGE HAS HAD 2,500 HITS
IN JUST THE LAST THREE HOURS.
- REALLY?
I CAN BEAT THAT.
- YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
A WEB PAGE.
- NO, BUT I CAN HIT.
- OH!
[punches landing]
OW! OW!
MOM! DAD! HELP!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪