Daria (1997–2001): Season 2, Episode 6 - Monster - full transcript
Daria and Jane decide to follow Quinn around for a day for a school video project, and the opportunity to make her look ridiculous is irresistible.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ THIS IS MY STOP ♪
♪ GOT TO GET OFF ♪
♪ I MAY GO POP ♪
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
[whistle blows]
♪ I'VE GOT TO BE DIRECT ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ IF I'M WRONG, PLEASE CORRECT ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- [blowing]
- HEY, YOU'RE RUINING
MY BIRTHDAY CAKE.
[baby gurgles]
IF ONLY THAT WERE
ALL SHE RUINED.
MAKE HER STOP.
- OH, DARIA,
SHE'S JUST A BABY.
SHE WANTS TO PLAY TOO.
- I'M SUCH A CUTE BABY.
- WHY CAN'T I BE AN ONLY CHILD?
YEAH, WHY CAN'T I?
- [cooing and gurgling]
- ISN'T IT GREAT TO SIT HERE
AND SEE YOUR WHOLE LIFE
UNFOLD BEFORE YOUR EYES?
- IT'S ALMOST
AS GOOD AS DROWNING.
- GIRLS, GUESS WHAT.
I FOUND A BOX OF OLD HOME MOVIES
MY DAD TOOK OF ME
WHEN I WAS A KID.
I'M HAVING THEM
TRANSFERRED TO VIDEOTAPE.
- I WONDER HOW COME I NEVER
WENT THROUGH AN AWKWARD PHASE.
[car whooshing]
- THANKS.
- HE WANTED YOU
TO WATCH HER BIRTH?
THAT COULD SCAR YOU FOR LIFE.
- THE BIRTH ITSELF DID THAT.
- SPEAKING
OF PERMANENT DAMAGE...
- I DON'T SEE ANY VEGETABLES.
- YOU SHOULD HAVE MY VIEW.
- WHY VEGETABLES?
- TO THROW AT THE SCREEN
DURING THE BIG FOOD FIGHT.
- WHAT FOOD FIGHT?
- DARIA, ARE YOU THICK
OR SOMETHING?
THIS IS THE FOOD
IN FILM FESTIVAL.
- DIDN'T YOU SEE
THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW
HERE LAST MONTH?
KEVIN AND I
WORE EACH OTHER'S UNDERWEAR.
- AGAIN?
- SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU,
BUT I DON'T THINK THIS IS
AN INTERACTIVE EVENT.
TONIGHT THEY'RE SHOWING
ANDRE SAKHARINSKY'S LAST MEAL.
- A RUSSIAN ART FILM
FROM THE 1930s.
- RUSSIAN?
Both: SUBTITLES.
[mingled conversation]
- I'M HUNGRY.
YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO SAVE ANY
OF KEVIN'S PRODUCE, DID YOU?
- DARIA?
- UH-OH.
WE'RE ABOUT TO BE SEEN
WITH A TEACHER.
HI, MR. O'NEILL.
- HI, GIRLS.
I'M JUST SO INVIGORATED.
GREAT CINEMA IS TIMELESS.
COULDN'T THAT MOVIE
BE MADE TODAY?
- I GUESS, IF YOU COULD FIND
SOMEONE TO EXHUME THE ACTORS.
- CAN I GIVE YOU TWO
A LIFT HOME?
- NO, THAT'S OKAY.
WE LOVE TO WALK.
- YEAH, IT'S A PERFECT NIGHT
FOR A NICE LONG STROLL.
[thunder crashes]
[startled yells]
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- DON'T YOU WANT TO SIT
IN FRONT, DARIA?
- I'D LOVE TO, BUT, UH,
YOU KNOW, I'M AFRAID
OF AN AIR BAG INJURY.
- OH, MY GOSH, I'M SO SORRY.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
OF COURSE,
YOU MUST SIT IN THE BACK.
SOMETIMES I THINK FILM
IS EVEN MORE A MIRROR
OF OUR TIMES THAN THE NOVEL.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S BECAUSE
OF ITS GREATER VERISIMILITUDE?
JANE?
- I CAN'T REALLY
HEAR YOU BACK HERE.
ROAD NOISE.
PLUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
VERISA MILITUDE MEANS.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, DARIA?
- LET'S FACE IT.
MOST PEOPLE WOULD RATHER
WATCH A MOVIE THAN READ A BOOK.
IT'S FAST, IT'S EASY,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT YOUR LIPS MOVING.
- THAT IS A FABULOUS CLASS
ASSIGNMENT, DARIA.
THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION.
- UM, DID I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
BECAUSE IF SO,
I'D LIKE TO WITHDRAW IT.
[bell rings]
- SO AS AN EXERCISE
IN LIVING LITERATURE,
YOU'LL ALL BE MAKING
YOUR OWN MOVIES.
WE HAVE DARIA TO THANK
FOR THIS EXCITING SUGGESTION.
- THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN.
- NOW, BEFORE WE SPLIT
INTO MOVIE-MAKING TEAMS,
WHO'D LIKE TO DIRECT?
- I WOULD.
- ME, ME, ME.
- LET ME. LET ME. LET ME.
- I WILL DO IT.
- REMEMBER,
THIS IS A PRECIOUS, PRECISE,
AND VERY,
VERY COSTLY INSTRUMENT.
IT'S NOT THE SORT OF THING
ONE ORDINARILY LENDS A TEENAGER.
- WE'LL BE CAREFUL.
- I EXPLAINED TO YOU
ABOUT THE THREE FOCUS MODES,
THE DEPTH OF FIELD OVERRIDE,
AND THE AUTO SLEEP FEATURE.
- I'M ABOUT TO GO
INTO AUTO SLEEP MYSELF.
- OKAY, DARIA,
JUST TRY NOT TO USE IT TOO MUCH.
- THERE.
TREE CAM.
- YOU'RE JUST GONNA
LEAVE IT RUNNING?
- ONLY A DAY OR TWO.
IT'LL CATCH EVERYONE
PASSING BY THROUGH THE TREE'S
TOTALLY OBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW.
- RIVETING.
- ANDY WARHOL FILMED
EIGHT HOURS OF A GUY SLEEPING,
AND PEOPLE THOUGHT
IT WAS BRILLIANT.
- THOSE PEOPLE CHANGED
THEIR MINDS
AFTER THEY GOT
INTO 12-STEP PROGRAMS.
- WAIT.
I THINK I JUST SAW
SOME LEAVES RUSTLE.
- THERE'S OUR CLIMAX.
- MAYBE WE NEED A SCRIPT.
- AND THEN YOU
OPEN THE WINDOW AND SAY,
"LIFE IS A MEANINGLESS DECENT
INTO THE VOID."
THEN YOU JUMP,
AND ON THE WAY DOWN, YOU SCREAM,
"NOW I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING."
- CAN YOU GET RID
OF THE WINDOW PART
AND GIVE ME
SOMETHING FUNNY TO SAY?
AND A POODLE.
I'D REALLY LIKE A SCENE
WHERE I'M WALKING A POODLE.
- ACTORS.
IS THERE NO WAY OUT?
- NO EXIT, MY FRIEND.
IT'S JUST US STUCK IN THIS ROOM
TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER.
- HELL, HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE.
- [laughs]
- ON SECOND THOUGHT,
HELL IS MYSELF.
[mid-tempo dance music]
♪ ♪
- NO, BABE,
YOU'VE GOT TO RUN TO ME
LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME
IN YEARS.
I'VE BEEN IN CHINA, REMEMBER?
- I WAS TRYING TO DO IT
IN SLOW MOTION LIKE JODY SAID.
- YOU ADD THE SLOW MOTION PART
AFTER, YOU IDIOT.
DON'T YOU?
- WHO CARES?
THIS SUCKS.
I REALLY WANT TO DO A FILM
ABOUT THE SUPERMARKET STRIKE.
- BUT I ALREADY PAID
FOR THIS GOWN.
I CAN'T PLAY A CHECKOUT GIRL
IN THIS.
- IT'S A DOCUMENTARY.
YOU DON'T NEED THE GOWN.
- OH, NO.
I WON'T DO A NUDE SCENE.
UNLESS YOU THINK IT'S CRUCIAL
TO MY CHARACTER.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CAN I BORROW
SOMETHING TO WEAR
TO THE FASHION CLUB
PARTY TONIGHT?
- CHECK HER HEAD FOR BUMPS.
- PLEASE, DARIA.
IT'S THE FASHION DON'Ts
COSTUME GALA.
- YOU KNOW, A FASHION DON'Ts
COSTUME PARTY
COULD BE KIND OF CINEMATIC.
- HMM.
YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, QUINN.
I'LL LEND YOU AN OUTFIT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO LET ME VIDEOTAPE
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS TONIGHT.
- WHAT, LIKE, WITH A CAMERA?
- YES, FOR A MOVIE FOR CLASS.
- WHY WOULD I SAY NO TO THAT?
- SHE'S STRANGELY MESMERIZING.
- SUPERFICIAL, NARCISSISTIC,
SELF-ABSORBED:
SHE'S GOT STAR QUALITY
ALL RIGHT.
- I LOVE YOUR DON'T, SANDY.
- BUT LOOK AT YOU, QUINN.
BOXY TOP WITH TOO-LONG BOTTOM
AND THE WRONG SHOES?
WHERE DID YOU EVER
COME UP WITH THAT?
- QUINN, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
- I'M LIKE AN ARTIST.
AND THIS IS HOW
I EXPRESS MYSELF.
Both: OH, BAD COLOR.
- SHE'S EVEN SCARIER ON TAPE.
- THIS PARTY IS JUST
THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
WE FOUND OUR SUBJECT.
- YOU MEAN...
- A DAY IN THE LIFE
OF QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO DO A HORROR MOVIE?
[crickets chirping]
- SO THEY'RE GONNA FOLLOW ME
AROUND FOR A WHOLE DAY.
- OR A MINUTE,
DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH
WE CAN STAND.
- IT'S SO NICE
TO GET HOME EARLY
AND HAVE A CHANCE
TO MAKE DINNER.
QUINN, ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT TO DO THIS?
WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY?
- WHEN DID THIS FAMILY
TURN INTO SUCH A BUNCH
OF PRIVACY FREAKS?
- MY VIDEO TRANSFERS.
I CAN'T WAIT TO RELIVE
MY CHILDHOOD.
- SHALL WE WATCH AFTER DINNER?
- I THOUGHT I'D WRITE
A LITTLE NARRATION
BEFORE THE BIG SCREENING.
I WANT TO CAPTURE
THE WHOLE ESSENCE OF THE PERIOD.
- I DON'T REMEMBER YOU HAVING
SUCH FOND MEMORIES
OF THOSE DAYS.
- IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
IT REALLY MAKES YOU FEEL
NOSTALGIC FOR YOUR CHILDHOOD.
THIS IS YOUR GOLDEN TIME.
ENJOY YOUR YOUTH, GIRLS.
- I THINK I'LL PASS ON DESSERT.
I DON'T WANT
TO LOOK PUFFY TOMORROW.
- GUESS I'LL GO WATCH TV
BY MYSELF FOR A WHILE.
- WHEN THESE BALLERINAS
WORK OUT AT THE BAR,
THEY WORK OUT AT THE BAR.
"TANKED IN A TUTU"
WHEN SICK, SAD WORLD RETURNS.
[knocking]
- COME IN.
- DARIA, I WONDER IF YOU'D
TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND
FOR THIS MOVIE OF QUINN.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S JUST A LAME ASSIGNMENT
FOR ENGLISH CLASS.
- I MEAN WHY QUINN?
- WELL, SHE'S LIVELY.
SHE'S PHOTOGENIC.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE'S BUBBLY.
- DARIA.
- WE'RE GONNA FOLLOW QUINN
AROUND FOR A DAY
AND SHOW THE WORLD
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR.
I'M KIND OF CURIOUS
ABOUT THAT MYSELF.
- IT'S JUST THAT SOMETIMES
YOU JUDGE PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR
BY A PRETTY RIGID SET
OF STANDARDS.
NOT EVERYONE
CAN LIVE UP TO THEM.
- THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE WORLD.
- NOT EVEN YOU
LIVE UP TO THEM ALL THE TIME.
- I GUESS
I COULD GO EASY ON HER.
- THANKS, SWEETIE.
- BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
[doorbell rings]
- READY?
- RARIN'.
REMEMBER, WE'RE EXPOSING
A HOLLOW,
SELF-CENTERED EGOMANIAC.
- [gasps]
- TRUST ME.
WE WON'T HAVE TO WORK VERY HARD.
LET'S JUST SAY MORNINGS
ARE NOT HER BEST TIME.
- [yawns]
GOOD MORNING, BEAUTIFUL WORLD.
- OH.
- DON'T YOU WANT TO SHOOT ME?
- YES, I WANT TO SHOOT YOU.
- BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
I KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
- YOU'RE ALREADY
WEARING MAKEUP.
- I AM NOT.
I JUST HAPPEN TO BE
THE KIND OF PERSON
WHO DOESN'T REALLY NEED MAKEUP.
- SO YOU'RE PUTTING IT ON
BECAUSE...
- NOT EVERYONE
IS AS LUCKY AS I AM.
I WANT TO BE A ROLE MODEL
FOR ALL PEOPLE,
EVEN THE ONES WHO NEED MAKEUP
REALLY BADLY.
- I THINK I NEED TO SIT DOWN.
I'M GETTING DIZZY.
All: [chanting] THE PEOPLE
UNITED WILL NEVER BE DIVIDED.
- I DON'T GET IT.
WHY ARE THEY ALL STANDING THERE?
- THEY'RE HAVING
A DISPUTE WITH MANAGEMENT,
SO THEY REFUSE TO WORK.
- SOMEONE SHOULD TELL THEM
THEY'RE TAKING UP THE SIDEWALK.
- TELL ME WHY YOU'RE ON STRIKE
AND WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH.
- IT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH:
AN HONEST DAY'S PAY
FOR AN HONEST DAY'S WORK.
STOP CHISELING AWAY
AT OUR BENEFITS.
- I'M GETTING A CRAVING, BABE.
- HO HOs?
- YEAH.
- NO PROBLEM, BABE.
- HEY, HEY, HEY, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME,
YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.
- COME ON.
- WAIT A...
- POWER YOGA
IS A REALLY GOOD THING TO DO
BECAUSE INNER BEAUTY IS JUST
AS IMPORTANT AS OUTER BEAUTY.
LIKE, CAN YOU HAVE A CD
WITHOUT A CD PLAYER?
I DON'T THINK SO.
- IT WAS A TIME OF INNOCENCE
WHEN YOU LEFT
YOUR DOORS UNLOCKED
AND CANDY BARS COST A NICKEL.
NOT THAT THOSE TWO FACTS
ARE RELATED.
I'M... AH, DAMN IT.
LET ME START OVER HERE.
IT WAS A CAREFREE TIME WHEN
A YOUNG BOY COULD LEARN
TO RIDE A BIKE
ON SUN-DAPPLED STREETS.
HEY, HEY, WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY
HELP THAT POOR KID?
HE SKINNED HIS KNEE.
OH, I GET IT.
GET BACK ON THE BIKE, JAKE.
BIG BOYS DON'T CRY.
CRYING IS FOR GIRLS, JAKEY.
JAKE, JAKE, QUIVERING QUAKE.
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.
- ARE YOUR COUSIN AND HER FRIEND
GONNA FOLLOW US
EVERYWHERE WE GO?
- I TOLD YOU.
JUST IGNORE THEM.
- YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT
ABOUT THEM,
BUT THEY DON'T USUALLY
HAVE A CAMERA.
- IT'S A LITTLE PROJECT I GOT,
UM, FORCED INTO.
BY THE WAY, WHICH DO YOU THINK
IS MY BEST SIDE?
- THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
- I KNOW.
BUT THIS SIDE
HAS MY BETTER DIMPLE.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE
OF THIS I CAN TAKE.
- UM, GUY, WOULD YOU FIND OUT
IF THEY HAVE
THOSE CHEESELESS PIZZAS?
- SURE, AND, UH, IT'S ZACHARY.
- WHY DID YOU INVITE THAT GUY?
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
STEADY WITH LARRY THIS WEEK.
- LARRY TOTALED HIS CAR.
ZACHARY HAS GOT HIS MOM'S CAR.
- YOU'RE SO SMART, QUINN.
YOU ALWAYS THINK AHEAD.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
DID YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS?
GUYS.
[tape squealing]
- OH, LOOK
AT THAT CUTE LITTLE BOY.
AND HE GREW UP
INTO SUCH A HANDSOME MAN.
HONEY, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
A LITTLE MORE LIGHT IN HERE?
OKAY, JAKE,
I'M JUST GONNA CATCH UP
ON SOME PAPERWORK
IN THE KITCHEN.
- THANKS FOR DRIVING US HERE,
AARON, BUT...
- IT'S ZACHARY.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
BUT SHOPPING
IS KIND OF A GIRL THING.
MAYBE YOU COULD MEET US
AFTER OR SOMETHING.
- BUT WHAT'LL I DO
IN THE MEANTIME?
- I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SHOPPING TO DO?
MAYBE THERE'S SOMEONE SPECIAL
YOU WANT TO GET A PRESENT FOR.
- UM, WELL,
YOU'RE KIND OF SPECIAL, QUINN.
- OH, ZACHARY, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GET ME A PRESENT.
IF YOU ASK FOR TERESA
IN JUNIOR 5
AND TELL HER IT'S FOR QUINN,
SHE'LL HELP YOU OUT.
- DID YOU GET THAT?
I HOPE YOU GOT THAT.
- DO YOU KNOW THAT
PORE REFINER SPELLED BACKWARDS
IS RENIFER EROP.
- GIVE ME THAT.
- OH, LOOK, PORE REFINER.
I'M GLAD I DON'T NEED THAT.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
HOW POPULAR PEOPLE
ALWAYS HAVE
THE TINIEST PORES?
I WONDER WHY THAT IS.
- YOUR PORES
ARE REALLY CUTE, QUINN.
- BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THEM,
CAN YOU?
- OH, MY GOD, THEY'VE BEEN...
THEY'VE BEEN ZOOMING.
YOU BETTER NOT ZOOM THAT THING.
STOP ZOOMING.
I MEAN IT.
IF YOU CAN SEE
ANY OF MY PORES ON CAMERA,
I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.
STOP THE TAPE.
I DO NOT HAVE PORES.
MY PORES ARE CUTE.
MY PORES ARE TINY.
YOU'RE FIRED.
- ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN
AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU.
WE'VE GOT OUR QUINN.
- THAT'S A WRAP.
- BUT A WRAP SKIRT
IS A DEFINITE DON'T.
OH, MY GOD.
DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT?
I HAVE THE CUTEST LITTLE PORES,
DON'T I?
- YOU REALLY DO.
EACH ONE'S LIKE A TINY DIMPLE.
- I WISH I HAD PORES
LIKE YOURS, DARIA.
- PORES LIKE YOURS.
THAT WOULD BE A GREAT NAME
FOR A PORE CONDITIONING
EXFOLIANT.
- GOD, DARIA, HOW DO YOU DO IT?
HERE WE ARE COMPLIMENTING YOU
ON YOUR PERFECT PORES,
AND YOU'RE UNSELFISHLY THINKING
ABOUT HOW YOU CAN IMPROVE
THE PORES OF OTHERS.
- DUH.
I GUESS WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORES.
[laughter]
[gasps]
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
- I WAS A CHILD.
I NEEDED ATTENTION.
I HAD A BOO-BOO ON MY KNEE.
- UH, IT'S PRETTY MUCH HEALED
NOW, THOUGH, RIGHT?
- DID ANYONE CARE?
NO ONE CARED.
THIS IS WHAT I NEVER HAD, DARIA,
WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW,
SIMPLE PARENT-CHILD BONDING,
THE KIND OF CLOSENESS
YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO GIVE YOU.
- GEE, THAT'S FUNNY.
I COULD HAVE SWORN
I WOKE UP FROM THE DREAM.
- YOU JUST CAN'T PUT A PRICE
ON A MOMENT LIKE THIS, DARIA.
AND ONCE THESE YEARS ARE GONE,
THEY'RE GONE.
- DAD, IT'S 4:00 A.M.
I JUST WOKE UP
FROM MY WORST NIGHTMARE:
RESEMBLING MY SISTER.
YOU'RE RELIVING AN INSTANCE
OF PARENTAL NEGLECT
FROM 40 YEARS AGO.
YOU CALL THIS
PARENT-CHILD BONDING?
- WORKS FOR ME.
- LET'S WATCH AGAIN.
THANKS FOR MEETING ME HERE.
- LOOKS LIKE YOU HAD
A ROUGH NIGHT.
- JUST PROMISE ME
THAT IF I START ACTING,
TALKING, OR THINKING LIKE QUINN,
YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING.
- IF YOU DON'T RESPOND
TO DRUG THERAPY,
I'LL AUTHORIZE ELECTROSHOCK.
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
YOUR TEENSY-WEENSY PORES
LOOK REALLY CUTE TODAY.
- BUT WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE,
HMM?
I KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
- HEY, DARIA.
- DID I FORGET TO MENTION
WHO DROVE ME HERE?
- IF YOU CAN SEE
ANY OF MY PORES ON CAMERA,
I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.
STOP THE TAPE.
- THIS IS TOO EASY.
- SHOOTING DUCKS IN A BARREL.
- HOW IS THAT
FILM PROJECT COMING?
- PRETTY GOOD.
- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SO AMUSED
SINCE YOUR SISTER FELL
AT HER DANCE RECITAL.
[chuckles]
- THAT WAS ME.
- OH, I KNEW IT WAS
ONE OF YOU GIRLS
LAUGHING AT ONE OF YOU GIRLS.
CAN I SNEAK A PEEK?
- WE'RE STILL EDITING.
- QUINN'S GOT
A REAL SCREEN PRESENCE.
- BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
I KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
IF YOU CAN SEE
ANY OF MY PORES ON CAMERA,
I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.
STOP THE TAPE.
I DO NOT HAVE PORES.
MY PORES ARE CUTE.
MY PORES ARE TINY.
YOU'RE FIRED.
- OH, MY.
THIS IS A LITTLE CRUEL.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T
TAKEN HER OUT OF CONTEXT?
- SHE CREATES HER OWN CONTEXT.
- YOU KNOW, DARIA,
I WOULDN'T LET QUINN
MAKE A MOVIE THAT MADE
HER SISTER LOOK RIDICULOUS.
- HOW COULD SHE?
SHE DOESN'T ADMIT TO HAVING ONE.
- I TELL YOU WHAT, DARIA.
YOU DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT.
- I DON'T LIKE
THE SOUND OF THAT.
- DON'T WORRY.
SHE'S CLEARLY OVERESTIMATING
MY CONSCIENCE
BY ASSUMING I HAVE ONE AT ALL.
- BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
IS THAT MY MOVIE?
CAN I SEE?
- SORRY, BUT THAT
WOULD INTERFERE
WITH OUR CREATIVE PROCESS.
- SEE, WE'RE LIKE ARTISTS.
AND THIS IS HOW
WE EXPRESS OURSELVES.
YOU UNDERSTAND.
- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
I JUST HOPE I DON'T SOUND STUPID
OR ANYTHING.
[giggles]
NOT THAT I WOULD.
- PERISH THE THOUGHT.
- I JUST... I KNOW SOMETIMES
CERTAIN TYPES OF PEOPLE,
JEALOUS PEOPLE,
MIGHT THINK,
"WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?"
BECAUSE I SOMETIMES THINK THAT.
BUT I CAN'T LET MYSELF GO ON
TOO LONG THINKING THAT.
- OR ANYTHING ELSE.
- I MEAN, SOMETIMES I'M WALKING
DOWN THE HALL
WITH SANDY AND STACY
AND TIFFANY,
AND IT'S LIKE SUDDENLY
I'M OUTSIDE MYSELF WATCHING.
AND IT'S LIKE,
WHO ARE THESE GIRLS?
CAN'T THEY TALK ABOUT ANYTHING
BUT GUYS AND CLOTHES AND CARS?
BUT THEN WHAT WOULD WE
TALK ABOUT?
YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD
AT SOMETHING.
YOU'RE GOOD AT YOUR READING
AND WRITING AND STUFF,
AND YOU'RE GOOD
AT YOUR LITTLE PAINTINGS.
- THEY ARE MINUSCULE,
AREN'T THEY?
- I FIGURE BEING ATTRACTIVE
AND POPULAR,
THAT'S WHAT I'M GOOD AT.
MAYBE IT'S NOT REALLY IMPORTANT,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
IT'S WHAT I CAN DO.
[laughs nervously]
- AW, HELL.
- YEAH.
[shouting]
- WHOO-HOO!
- YEAH.
- YEAH!
- I LOVED THAT.
- GREAT.
- JODY, WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO JUGGLE SYMBOLISM LIKE THAT?
- UM, I WORKED
WITH STORYBOARDS.
I THINK THAT HELPED.
- AND NOW A WORK
BY DARIA AND JANE.
- [yawns]
I WANT TO BE A ROLE MODEL
FOR ALL PEOPLE,
EVEN THE ONES WHO NEED MAKEUP
REALLY BADLY.
BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
LIKE, CAN YOU HAVE A CD
WITHOUT A CD PLAYER?
I DON'T THINK SO.
BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE ON
TOO MUCH MAKEUP.
WEAR ENOUGH TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE
YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH ON.
BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
GOOD NIGHT.
THANKS FOR SHARING MY DAY
WITH ME.
AND REMEMBER, FASHION IS FUN
AND EVERYTHING,
BUT WE SHOULD REALLY
DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE RAIN FOREST AND STUFF.
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- I TOLD HER I'D GIVE HER
THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SHOW THERE WAS MORE TO HER
THAN JUST THE SURFACE QUINN.
TURNS OUT THERE ISN'T.
- AND WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED
TO THE PORES STUFF,
OUR BIG FINISH?
- YOU KNOW THAT CONSCIENCE
I DON'T HAVE?
IT GOT TO ME.
- WELL, THE DEPTHS
OF SHALLOWNESS.
PROVOCATIVE INDEED.
NOW, WHAT IF WE...
[scuffling]
[cheering]
- YOUR MOVIE REALLY
KICKED BUTT, GUYS.
- OH, SURE.
- I MEAN IT.
IT REALLY CAPTURED
A KIND OF DESPAIR.
YOUR SISTER MAKES ME SO SAD.
- YOU AND ME BOTH.
- YOU'RE THE GIRL
FROM THE MOVIE.
I LOVE YOU.
- WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
CAN YOU TELL ME?
- NOW I'M REALLY SAD.
- GOD, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY
ONE ASHAMED OF MY PORES.
- WE'RE ALL ASHAMED
OF OUR PORES.
BUT YOU MUSTN'T BE ASHAMED
OF YOUR SHAME.
- SO YOU DID
THE COMPASSIONATE THING,
AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT YOU.
- SHE'S MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.
WE SET OUT TO MAKE AN EXPOSE.
IT ENDS UP A LOVE LETTER.
- SEE, WE'RE LIKE ARTISTS.
AND THIS IS HOW
WE SCREW OURSELVES.
- AND YOU, TOO,
CAN HAVE BOUNCY HAIR
IF YOU JUST TAKE THE TIME
TO BOUNCE
FROM THE INSIDE AS WELL.
COME ON, EVERYONE.
BOUNCE WITH ME.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ THIS IS MY STOP ♪
♪ GOT TO GET OFF ♪
♪ I MAY GO POP ♪
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
[whistle blows]
♪ I'VE GOT TO BE DIRECT ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ IF I'M WRONG, PLEASE CORRECT ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- [blowing]
- HEY, YOU'RE RUINING
MY BIRTHDAY CAKE.
[baby gurgles]
IF ONLY THAT WERE
ALL SHE RUINED.
MAKE HER STOP.
- OH, DARIA,
SHE'S JUST A BABY.
SHE WANTS TO PLAY TOO.
- I'M SUCH A CUTE BABY.
- WHY CAN'T I BE AN ONLY CHILD?
YEAH, WHY CAN'T I?
- [cooing and gurgling]
- ISN'T IT GREAT TO SIT HERE
AND SEE YOUR WHOLE LIFE
UNFOLD BEFORE YOUR EYES?
- IT'S ALMOST
AS GOOD AS DROWNING.
- GIRLS, GUESS WHAT.
I FOUND A BOX OF OLD HOME MOVIES
MY DAD TOOK OF ME
WHEN I WAS A KID.
I'M HAVING THEM
TRANSFERRED TO VIDEOTAPE.
- I WONDER HOW COME I NEVER
WENT THROUGH AN AWKWARD PHASE.
[car whooshing]
- THANKS.
- HE WANTED YOU
TO WATCH HER BIRTH?
THAT COULD SCAR YOU FOR LIFE.
- THE BIRTH ITSELF DID THAT.
- SPEAKING
OF PERMANENT DAMAGE...
- I DON'T SEE ANY VEGETABLES.
- YOU SHOULD HAVE MY VIEW.
- WHY VEGETABLES?
- TO THROW AT THE SCREEN
DURING THE BIG FOOD FIGHT.
- WHAT FOOD FIGHT?
- DARIA, ARE YOU THICK
OR SOMETHING?
THIS IS THE FOOD
IN FILM FESTIVAL.
- DIDN'T YOU SEE
THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW
HERE LAST MONTH?
KEVIN AND I
WORE EACH OTHER'S UNDERWEAR.
- AGAIN?
- SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU,
BUT I DON'T THINK THIS IS
AN INTERACTIVE EVENT.
TONIGHT THEY'RE SHOWING
ANDRE SAKHARINSKY'S LAST MEAL.
- A RUSSIAN ART FILM
FROM THE 1930s.
- RUSSIAN?
Both: SUBTITLES.
[mingled conversation]
- I'M HUNGRY.
YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO SAVE ANY
OF KEVIN'S PRODUCE, DID YOU?
- DARIA?
- UH-OH.
WE'RE ABOUT TO BE SEEN
WITH A TEACHER.
HI, MR. O'NEILL.
- HI, GIRLS.
I'M JUST SO INVIGORATED.
GREAT CINEMA IS TIMELESS.
COULDN'T THAT MOVIE
BE MADE TODAY?
- I GUESS, IF YOU COULD FIND
SOMEONE TO EXHUME THE ACTORS.
- CAN I GIVE YOU TWO
A LIFT HOME?
- NO, THAT'S OKAY.
WE LOVE TO WALK.
- YEAH, IT'S A PERFECT NIGHT
FOR A NICE LONG STROLL.
[thunder crashes]
[startled yells]
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- DON'T YOU WANT TO SIT
IN FRONT, DARIA?
- I'D LOVE TO, BUT, UH,
YOU KNOW, I'M AFRAID
OF AN AIR BAG INJURY.
- OH, MY GOSH, I'M SO SORRY.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
OF COURSE,
YOU MUST SIT IN THE BACK.
SOMETIMES I THINK FILM
IS EVEN MORE A MIRROR
OF OUR TIMES THAN THE NOVEL.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S BECAUSE
OF ITS GREATER VERISIMILITUDE?
JANE?
- I CAN'T REALLY
HEAR YOU BACK HERE.
ROAD NOISE.
PLUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
VERISA MILITUDE MEANS.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, DARIA?
- LET'S FACE IT.
MOST PEOPLE WOULD RATHER
WATCH A MOVIE THAN READ A BOOK.
IT'S FAST, IT'S EASY,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT YOUR LIPS MOVING.
- THAT IS A FABULOUS CLASS
ASSIGNMENT, DARIA.
THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION.
- UM, DID I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
BECAUSE IF SO,
I'D LIKE TO WITHDRAW IT.
[bell rings]
- SO AS AN EXERCISE
IN LIVING LITERATURE,
YOU'LL ALL BE MAKING
YOUR OWN MOVIES.
WE HAVE DARIA TO THANK
FOR THIS EXCITING SUGGESTION.
- THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN.
- NOW, BEFORE WE SPLIT
INTO MOVIE-MAKING TEAMS,
WHO'D LIKE TO DIRECT?
- I WOULD.
- ME, ME, ME.
- LET ME. LET ME. LET ME.
- I WILL DO IT.
- REMEMBER,
THIS IS A PRECIOUS, PRECISE,
AND VERY,
VERY COSTLY INSTRUMENT.
IT'S NOT THE SORT OF THING
ONE ORDINARILY LENDS A TEENAGER.
- WE'LL BE CAREFUL.
- I EXPLAINED TO YOU
ABOUT THE THREE FOCUS MODES,
THE DEPTH OF FIELD OVERRIDE,
AND THE AUTO SLEEP FEATURE.
- I'M ABOUT TO GO
INTO AUTO SLEEP MYSELF.
- OKAY, DARIA,
JUST TRY NOT TO USE IT TOO MUCH.
- THERE.
TREE CAM.
- YOU'RE JUST GONNA
LEAVE IT RUNNING?
- ONLY A DAY OR TWO.
IT'LL CATCH EVERYONE
PASSING BY THROUGH THE TREE'S
TOTALLY OBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW.
- RIVETING.
- ANDY WARHOL FILMED
EIGHT HOURS OF A GUY SLEEPING,
AND PEOPLE THOUGHT
IT WAS BRILLIANT.
- THOSE PEOPLE CHANGED
THEIR MINDS
AFTER THEY GOT
INTO 12-STEP PROGRAMS.
- WAIT.
I THINK I JUST SAW
SOME LEAVES RUSTLE.
- THERE'S OUR CLIMAX.
- MAYBE WE NEED A SCRIPT.
- AND THEN YOU
OPEN THE WINDOW AND SAY,
"LIFE IS A MEANINGLESS DECENT
INTO THE VOID."
THEN YOU JUMP,
AND ON THE WAY DOWN, YOU SCREAM,
"NOW I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING."
- CAN YOU GET RID
OF THE WINDOW PART
AND GIVE ME
SOMETHING FUNNY TO SAY?
AND A POODLE.
I'D REALLY LIKE A SCENE
WHERE I'M WALKING A POODLE.
- ACTORS.
IS THERE NO WAY OUT?
- NO EXIT, MY FRIEND.
IT'S JUST US STUCK IN THIS ROOM
TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER.
- HELL, HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE.
- [laughs]
- ON SECOND THOUGHT,
HELL IS MYSELF.
[mid-tempo dance music]
♪ ♪
- NO, BABE,
YOU'VE GOT TO RUN TO ME
LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME
IN YEARS.
I'VE BEEN IN CHINA, REMEMBER?
- I WAS TRYING TO DO IT
IN SLOW MOTION LIKE JODY SAID.
- YOU ADD THE SLOW MOTION PART
AFTER, YOU IDIOT.
DON'T YOU?
- WHO CARES?
THIS SUCKS.
I REALLY WANT TO DO A FILM
ABOUT THE SUPERMARKET STRIKE.
- BUT I ALREADY PAID
FOR THIS GOWN.
I CAN'T PLAY A CHECKOUT GIRL
IN THIS.
- IT'S A DOCUMENTARY.
YOU DON'T NEED THE GOWN.
- OH, NO.
I WON'T DO A NUDE SCENE.
UNLESS YOU THINK IT'S CRUCIAL
TO MY CHARACTER.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CAN I BORROW
SOMETHING TO WEAR
TO THE FASHION CLUB
PARTY TONIGHT?
- CHECK HER HEAD FOR BUMPS.
- PLEASE, DARIA.
IT'S THE FASHION DON'Ts
COSTUME GALA.
- YOU KNOW, A FASHION DON'Ts
COSTUME PARTY
COULD BE KIND OF CINEMATIC.
- HMM.
YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, QUINN.
I'LL LEND YOU AN OUTFIT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO LET ME VIDEOTAPE
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS TONIGHT.
- WHAT, LIKE, WITH A CAMERA?
- YES, FOR A MOVIE FOR CLASS.
- WHY WOULD I SAY NO TO THAT?
- SHE'S STRANGELY MESMERIZING.
- SUPERFICIAL, NARCISSISTIC,
SELF-ABSORBED:
SHE'S GOT STAR QUALITY
ALL RIGHT.
- I LOVE YOUR DON'T, SANDY.
- BUT LOOK AT YOU, QUINN.
BOXY TOP WITH TOO-LONG BOTTOM
AND THE WRONG SHOES?
WHERE DID YOU EVER
COME UP WITH THAT?
- QUINN, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
- I'M LIKE AN ARTIST.
AND THIS IS HOW
I EXPRESS MYSELF.
Both: OH, BAD COLOR.
- SHE'S EVEN SCARIER ON TAPE.
- THIS PARTY IS JUST
THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
WE FOUND OUR SUBJECT.
- YOU MEAN...
- A DAY IN THE LIFE
OF QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO DO A HORROR MOVIE?
[crickets chirping]
- SO THEY'RE GONNA FOLLOW ME
AROUND FOR A WHOLE DAY.
- OR A MINUTE,
DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH
WE CAN STAND.
- IT'S SO NICE
TO GET HOME EARLY
AND HAVE A CHANCE
TO MAKE DINNER.
QUINN, ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT TO DO THIS?
WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY?
- WHEN DID THIS FAMILY
TURN INTO SUCH A BUNCH
OF PRIVACY FREAKS?
- MY VIDEO TRANSFERS.
I CAN'T WAIT TO RELIVE
MY CHILDHOOD.
- SHALL WE WATCH AFTER DINNER?
- I THOUGHT I'D WRITE
A LITTLE NARRATION
BEFORE THE BIG SCREENING.
I WANT TO CAPTURE
THE WHOLE ESSENCE OF THE PERIOD.
- I DON'T REMEMBER YOU HAVING
SUCH FOND MEMORIES
OF THOSE DAYS.
- IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
IT REALLY MAKES YOU FEEL
NOSTALGIC FOR YOUR CHILDHOOD.
THIS IS YOUR GOLDEN TIME.
ENJOY YOUR YOUTH, GIRLS.
- I THINK I'LL PASS ON DESSERT.
I DON'T WANT
TO LOOK PUFFY TOMORROW.
- GUESS I'LL GO WATCH TV
BY MYSELF FOR A WHILE.
- WHEN THESE BALLERINAS
WORK OUT AT THE BAR,
THEY WORK OUT AT THE BAR.
"TANKED IN A TUTU"
WHEN SICK, SAD WORLD RETURNS.
[knocking]
- COME IN.
- DARIA, I WONDER IF YOU'D
TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND
FOR THIS MOVIE OF QUINN.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S JUST A LAME ASSIGNMENT
FOR ENGLISH CLASS.
- I MEAN WHY QUINN?
- WELL, SHE'S LIVELY.
SHE'S PHOTOGENIC.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE'S BUBBLY.
- DARIA.
- WE'RE GONNA FOLLOW QUINN
AROUND FOR A DAY
AND SHOW THE WORLD
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR.
I'M KIND OF CURIOUS
ABOUT THAT MYSELF.
- IT'S JUST THAT SOMETIMES
YOU JUDGE PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR
BY A PRETTY RIGID SET
OF STANDARDS.
NOT EVERYONE
CAN LIVE UP TO THEM.
- THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE WORLD.
- NOT EVEN YOU
LIVE UP TO THEM ALL THE TIME.
- I GUESS
I COULD GO EASY ON HER.
- THANKS, SWEETIE.
- BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
[doorbell rings]
- READY?
- RARIN'.
REMEMBER, WE'RE EXPOSING
A HOLLOW,
SELF-CENTERED EGOMANIAC.
- [gasps]
- TRUST ME.
WE WON'T HAVE TO WORK VERY HARD.
LET'S JUST SAY MORNINGS
ARE NOT HER BEST TIME.
- [yawns]
GOOD MORNING, BEAUTIFUL WORLD.
- OH.
- DON'T YOU WANT TO SHOOT ME?
- YES, I WANT TO SHOOT YOU.
- BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
I KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
- YOU'RE ALREADY
WEARING MAKEUP.
- I AM NOT.
I JUST HAPPEN TO BE
THE KIND OF PERSON
WHO DOESN'T REALLY NEED MAKEUP.
- SO YOU'RE PUTTING IT ON
BECAUSE...
- NOT EVERYONE
IS AS LUCKY AS I AM.
I WANT TO BE A ROLE MODEL
FOR ALL PEOPLE,
EVEN THE ONES WHO NEED MAKEUP
REALLY BADLY.
- I THINK I NEED TO SIT DOWN.
I'M GETTING DIZZY.
All: [chanting] THE PEOPLE
UNITED WILL NEVER BE DIVIDED.
- I DON'T GET IT.
WHY ARE THEY ALL STANDING THERE?
- THEY'RE HAVING
A DISPUTE WITH MANAGEMENT,
SO THEY REFUSE TO WORK.
- SOMEONE SHOULD TELL THEM
THEY'RE TAKING UP THE SIDEWALK.
- TELL ME WHY YOU'RE ON STRIKE
AND WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH.
- IT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH:
AN HONEST DAY'S PAY
FOR AN HONEST DAY'S WORK.
STOP CHISELING AWAY
AT OUR BENEFITS.
- I'M GETTING A CRAVING, BABE.
- HO HOs?
- YEAH.
- NO PROBLEM, BABE.
- HEY, HEY, HEY, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME,
YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.
- COME ON.
- WAIT A...
- POWER YOGA
IS A REALLY GOOD THING TO DO
BECAUSE INNER BEAUTY IS JUST
AS IMPORTANT AS OUTER BEAUTY.
LIKE, CAN YOU HAVE A CD
WITHOUT A CD PLAYER?
I DON'T THINK SO.
- IT WAS A TIME OF INNOCENCE
WHEN YOU LEFT
YOUR DOORS UNLOCKED
AND CANDY BARS COST A NICKEL.
NOT THAT THOSE TWO FACTS
ARE RELATED.
I'M... AH, DAMN IT.
LET ME START OVER HERE.
IT WAS A CAREFREE TIME WHEN
A YOUNG BOY COULD LEARN
TO RIDE A BIKE
ON SUN-DAPPLED STREETS.
HEY, HEY, WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY
HELP THAT POOR KID?
HE SKINNED HIS KNEE.
OH, I GET IT.
GET BACK ON THE BIKE, JAKE.
BIG BOYS DON'T CRY.
CRYING IS FOR GIRLS, JAKEY.
JAKE, JAKE, QUIVERING QUAKE.
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.
- ARE YOUR COUSIN AND HER FRIEND
GONNA FOLLOW US
EVERYWHERE WE GO?
- I TOLD YOU.
JUST IGNORE THEM.
- YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT
ABOUT THEM,
BUT THEY DON'T USUALLY
HAVE A CAMERA.
- IT'S A LITTLE PROJECT I GOT,
UM, FORCED INTO.
BY THE WAY, WHICH DO YOU THINK
IS MY BEST SIDE?
- THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
- I KNOW.
BUT THIS SIDE
HAS MY BETTER DIMPLE.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE
OF THIS I CAN TAKE.
- UM, GUY, WOULD YOU FIND OUT
IF THEY HAVE
THOSE CHEESELESS PIZZAS?
- SURE, AND, UH, IT'S ZACHARY.
- WHY DID YOU INVITE THAT GUY?
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
STEADY WITH LARRY THIS WEEK.
- LARRY TOTALED HIS CAR.
ZACHARY HAS GOT HIS MOM'S CAR.
- YOU'RE SO SMART, QUINN.
YOU ALWAYS THINK AHEAD.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
DID YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS?
GUYS.
[tape squealing]
- OH, LOOK
AT THAT CUTE LITTLE BOY.
AND HE GREW UP
INTO SUCH A HANDSOME MAN.
HONEY, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
A LITTLE MORE LIGHT IN HERE?
OKAY, JAKE,
I'M JUST GONNA CATCH UP
ON SOME PAPERWORK
IN THE KITCHEN.
- THANKS FOR DRIVING US HERE,
AARON, BUT...
- IT'S ZACHARY.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
BUT SHOPPING
IS KIND OF A GIRL THING.
MAYBE YOU COULD MEET US
AFTER OR SOMETHING.
- BUT WHAT'LL I DO
IN THE MEANTIME?
- I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SHOPPING TO DO?
MAYBE THERE'S SOMEONE SPECIAL
YOU WANT TO GET A PRESENT FOR.
- UM, WELL,
YOU'RE KIND OF SPECIAL, QUINN.
- OH, ZACHARY, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GET ME A PRESENT.
IF YOU ASK FOR TERESA
IN JUNIOR 5
AND TELL HER IT'S FOR QUINN,
SHE'LL HELP YOU OUT.
- DID YOU GET THAT?
I HOPE YOU GOT THAT.
- DO YOU KNOW THAT
PORE REFINER SPELLED BACKWARDS
IS RENIFER EROP.
- GIVE ME THAT.
- OH, LOOK, PORE REFINER.
I'M GLAD I DON'T NEED THAT.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
HOW POPULAR PEOPLE
ALWAYS HAVE
THE TINIEST PORES?
I WONDER WHY THAT IS.
- YOUR PORES
ARE REALLY CUTE, QUINN.
- BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THEM,
CAN YOU?
- OH, MY GOD, THEY'VE BEEN...
THEY'VE BEEN ZOOMING.
YOU BETTER NOT ZOOM THAT THING.
STOP ZOOMING.
I MEAN IT.
IF YOU CAN SEE
ANY OF MY PORES ON CAMERA,
I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.
STOP THE TAPE.
I DO NOT HAVE PORES.
MY PORES ARE CUTE.
MY PORES ARE TINY.
YOU'RE FIRED.
- ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN
AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU.
WE'VE GOT OUR QUINN.
- THAT'S A WRAP.
- BUT A WRAP SKIRT
IS A DEFINITE DON'T.
OH, MY GOD.
DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT?
I HAVE THE CUTEST LITTLE PORES,
DON'T I?
- YOU REALLY DO.
EACH ONE'S LIKE A TINY DIMPLE.
- I WISH I HAD PORES
LIKE YOURS, DARIA.
- PORES LIKE YOURS.
THAT WOULD BE A GREAT NAME
FOR A PORE CONDITIONING
EXFOLIANT.
- GOD, DARIA, HOW DO YOU DO IT?
HERE WE ARE COMPLIMENTING YOU
ON YOUR PERFECT PORES,
AND YOU'RE UNSELFISHLY THINKING
ABOUT HOW YOU CAN IMPROVE
THE PORES OF OTHERS.
- DUH.
I GUESS WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORES.
[laughter]
[gasps]
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
- I WAS A CHILD.
I NEEDED ATTENTION.
I HAD A BOO-BOO ON MY KNEE.
- UH, IT'S PRETTY MUCH HEALED
NOW, THOUGH, RIGHT?
- DID ANYONE CARE?
NO ONE CARED.
THIS IS WHAT I NEVER HAD, DARIA,
WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW,
SIMPLE PARENT-CHILD BONDING,
THE KIND OF CLOSENESS
YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO GIVE YOU.
- GEE, THAT'S FUNNY.
I COULD HAVE SWORN
I WOKE UP FROM THE DREAM.
- YOU JUST CAN'T PUT A PRICE
ON A MOMENT LIKE THIS, DARIA.
AND ONCE THESE YEARS ARE GONE,
THEY'RE GONE.
- DAD, IT'S 4:00 A.M.
I JUST WOKE UP
FROM MY WORST NIGHTMARE:
RESEMBLING MY SISTER.
YOU'RE RELIVING AN INSTANCE
OF PARENTAL NEGLECT
FROM 40 YEARS AGO.
YOU CALL THIS
PARENT-CHILD BONDING?
- WORKS FOR ME.
- LET'S WATCH AGAIN.
THANKS FOR MEETING ME HERE.
- LOOKS LIKE YOU HAD
A ROUGH NIGHT.
- JUST PROMISE ME
THAT IF I START ACTING,
TALKING, OR THINKING LIKE QUINN,
YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING.
- IF YOU DON'T RESPOND
TO DRUG THERAPY,
I'LL AUTHORIZE ELECTROSHOCK.
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
YOUR TEENSY-WEENSY PORES
LOOK REALLY CUTE TODAY.
- BUT WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE,
HMM?
I KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
- HEY, DARIA.
- DID I FORGET TO MENTION
WHO DROVE ME HERE?
- IF YOU CAN SEE
ANY OF MY PORES ON CAMERA,
I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.
STOP THE TAPE.
- THIS IS TOO EASY.
- SHOOTING DUCKS IN A BARREL.
- HOW IS THAT
FILM PROJECT COMING?
- PRETTY GOOD.
- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SO AMUSED
SINCE YOUR SISTER FELL
AT HER DANCE RECITAL.
[chuckles]
- THAT WAS ME.
- OH, I KNEW IT WAS
ONE OF YOU GIRLS
LAUGHING AT ONE OF YOU GIRLS.
CAN I SNEAK A PEEK?
- WE'RE STILL EDITING.
- QUINN'S GOT
A REAL SCREEN PRESENCE.
- BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
I KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.
IF YOU CAN SEE
ANY OF MY PORES ON CAMERA,
I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.
STOP THE TAPE.
I DO NOT HAVE PORES.
MY PORES ARE CUTE.
MY PORES ARE TINY.
YOU'RE FIRED.
- OH, MY.
THIS IS A LITTLE CRUEL.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T
TAKEN HER OUT OF CONTEXT?
- SHE CREATES HER OWN CONTEXT.
- YOU KNOW, DARIA,
I WOULDN'T LET QUINN
MAKE A MOVIE THAT MADE
HER SISTER LOOK RIDICULOUS.
- HOW COULD SHE?
SHE DOESN'T ADMIT TO HAVING ONE.
- I TELL YOU WHAT, DARIA.
YOU DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT.
- I DON'T LIKE
THE SOUND OF THAT.
- DON'T WORRY.
SHE'S CLEARLY OVERESTIMATING
MY CONSCIENCE
BY ASSUMING I HAVE ONE AT ALL.
- BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
IS THAT MY MOVIE?
CAN I SEE?
- SORRY, BUT THAT
WOULD INTERFERE
WITH OUR CREATIVE PROCESS.
- SEE, WE'RE LIKE ARTISTS.
AND THIS IS HOW
WE EXPRESS OURSELVES.
YOU UNDERSTAND.
- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
I JUST HOPE I DON'T SOUND STUPID
OR ANYTHING.
[giggles]
NOT THAT I WOULD.
- PERISH THE THOUGHT.
- I JUST... I KNOW SOMETIMES
CERTAIN TYPES OF PEOPLE,
JEALOUS PEOPLE,
MIGHT THINK,
"WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?"
BECAUSE I SOMETIMES THINK THAT.
BUT I CAN'T LET MYSELF GO ON
TOO LONG THINKING THAT.
- OR ANYTHING ELSE.
- I MEAN, SOMETIMES I'M WALKING
DOWN THE HALL
WITH SANDY AND STACY
AND TIFFANY,
AND IT'S LIKE SUDDENLY
I'M OUTSIDE MYSELF WATCHING.
AND IT'S LIKE,
WHO ARE THESE GIRLS?
CAN'T THEY TALK ABOUT ANYTHING
BUT GUYS AND CLOTHES AND CARS?
BUT THEN WHAT WOULD WE
TALK ABOUT?
YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD
AT SOMETHING.
YOU'RE GOOD AT YOUR READING
AND WRITING AND STUFF,
AND YOU'RE GOOD
AT YOUR LITTLE PAINTINGS.
- THEY ARE MINUSCULE,
AREN'T THEY?
- I FIGURE BEING ATTRACTIVE
AND POPULAR,
THAT'S WHAT I'M GOOD AT.
MAYBE IT'S NOT REALLY IMPORTANT,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
IT'S WHAT I CAN DO.
[laughs nervously]
- AW, HELL.
- YEAH.
[shouting]
- WHOO-HOO!
- YEAH.
- YEAH!
- I LOVED THAT.
- GREAT.
- JODY, WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO JUGGLE SYMBOLISM LIKE THAT?
- UM, I WORKED
WITH STORYBOARDS.
I THINK THAT HELPED.
- AND NOW A WORK
BY DARIA AND JANE.
- [yawns]
I WANT TO BE A ROLE MODEL
FOR ALL PEOPLE,
EVEN THE ONES WHO NEED MAKEUP
REALLY BADLY.
BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
LIKE, CAN YOU HAVE A CD
WITHOUT A CD PLAYER?
I DON'T THINK SO.
BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE ON
TOO MUCH MAKEUP.
WEAR ENOUGH TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE
YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH ON.
BY THE WAY,
WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
GOOD NIGHT.
THANKS FOR SHARING MY DAY
WITH ME.
AND REMEMBER, FASHION IS FUN
AND EVERYTHING,
BUT WE SHOULD REALLY
DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE RAIN FOREST AND STUFF.
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- I TOLD HER I'D GIVE HER
THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SHOW THERE WAS MORE TO HER
THAN JUST THE SURFACE QUINN.
TURNS OUT THERE ISN'T.
- AND WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED
TO THE PORES STUFF,
OUR BIG FINISH?
- YOU KNOW THAT CONSCIENCE
I DON'T HAVE?
IT GOT TO ME.
- WELL, THE DEPTHS
OF SHALLOWNESS.
PROVOCATIVE INDEED.
NOW, WHAT IF WE...
[scuffling]
[cheering]
- YOUR MOVIE REALLY
KICKED BUTT, GUYS.
- OH, SURE.
- I MEAN IT.
IT REALLY CAPTURED
A KIND OF DESPAIR.
YOUR SISTER MAKES ME SO SAD.
- YOU AND ME BOTH.
- YOU'RE THE GIRL
FROM THE MOVIE.
I LOVE YOU.
- WHICH IS MY BEST SIDE?
CAN YOU TELL ME?
- NOW I'M REALLY SAD.
- GOD, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY
ONE ASHAMED OF MY PORES.
- WE'RE ALL ASHAMED
OF OUR PORES.
BUT YOU MUSTN'T BE ASHAMED
OF YOUR SHAME.
- SO YOU DID
THE COMPASSIONATE THING,
AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT YOU.
- SHE'S MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.
WE SET OUT TO MAKE AN EXPOSE.
IT ENDS UP A LOVE LETTER.
- SEE, WE'RE LIKE ARTISTS.
AND THIS IS HOW
WE SCREW OURSELVES.
- AND YOU, TOO,
CAN HAVE BOUNCY HAIR
IF YOU JUST TAKE THE TIME
TO BOUNCE
FROM THE INSIDE AS WELL.
COME ON, EVERYONE.
BOUNCE WITH ME.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪