Daria (1997–2001): Season 2, Episode 5 - That Was Then, This Is Dumb - full transcript
Helen and Jake's former-hippie friends Willow and Coyote Yeager visit, causing the Morgendorffers to doubt their own value system. Daria and Quinn stick around to use their protest activities against them--and so Quinn can flirt with their son--until Jane invites Daria to help Trent and Jesse sell their parents' old records at a flea market.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- HIDING THE COOKING SHERRY
FROM DAD?
- I'M GOING TO MAKE SOME BREAD,
DARIA.
- ISN'T THAT
WHAT SUPERMARKETS ARE FOR?
- THE YEAGERS ARE COMING
FOR THE WEEKEND,
AND I CAN'T SERVE THEM
STORE-BOUGHT BREAD.
- WHY NOT?
- I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM
FOR 25 YEARS.
AND LET'S JUST SAY
THEY KNOW A DIFFERENT HELEN,
A HELEN FAMOUS FOR HER OATMEAL,
PUMPKIN SEED LOAF.
- AND JUST WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH THIS HELEN?
[car horn beeps]
- THEY'RE HERE!
I HOPE THEY DON'T THINK
I'VE CHANGED TOO MUCH.
- JUST BE YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHAT
YOU'VE ALWAYS TOLD ME.
- I COULD KICK MYSELF FOR THAT.
- WHAT KIND OF CAR IS THAT?
- THAT'S NOT A CAR.
IT'S A TIME MACHINE.
- WILLOW! COYOTE!
- WOW, HELEN.
- MAN.
- MY MAN.
- YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
- AND YOU...
WELL, JUST LOOK AT YOU.
- WHY, EVEN LEARY'S
EXACTLY THE SAME.
- COME HERE, BOY.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER OLD JAKE?
- WAIT, THAT CAN'T BE LEARY.
HE'D BE ALMOST 30 BY NOW.
- THIS IS LEARY NUMBER THREE.
- WE HAD TO REPLACE THE ORIGINAL
A FEW TIMES.
- IF ONLY YOU COULD DO THAT
WITH TIMOTHY LEARY, HUH, MAN?
[laughs]
- THEY'RE WORKING ON IT, MAN.
- WELL, THESE TWO
ARE IRREPLACEABLE:
OUR GIRLS, QUINN AND DARIA.
- YOU HAVE A VERY OLD SOUL.
- IT JUST LOOKS MATURE
FOR ITS AGE.
- IS THIS A RETRO THING,
OR ARE THEY SERIOUS?
- LET'S GET YOUR BAGS, MAN.
- WE TRAVEL LIGHT.
- IN THE HEAD.
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE
I CATCH ANY MORE GOOD VIBES.
- DARIA, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE
WITH THOSE... THOSE YUPPIES.
- YUPPIES ARE FROM THE '80s.
- SO WHAT DO YOU CALL PEOPLE
WITH FUNNY OUTFITS
WHO TALK ABOUT PEACE AND LOVE
AND STUFF?
- TREKKIES.
ANYWAY, ONE OF US SHOULD STAY.
IT'S A RARE OPPORTUNITY
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MOM AND DAD.
- WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT?
- TO USE AGAINST THEM LATER.
20 BUCKS
IF YOU DIG UP SOME DIRT.
- SORRY, I HAVE A DATE.
IF YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS,
SO AM I.
- ETHAN, COME MEET THE GIRLS.
- YOU SAID $20, RIGHT?
- ZAPPA DIGITAL.
ZAPPA ANALOG.
- SOUNDS THE SAME TO ME.
- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF
A MUSICIAN?
- NO. I CALL MYSELF
AN INTERPRETER OF SOUND.
- TOP SECRET EXPERIMENT?
- MY PARENTS GAVE US
THEIR OLD RECORDS
TO SELL AT THE FLEA MARKET,
BUT NOW TRENT WANTS TO KEEP 'EM.
- IT'S THE WARMTH OF VINYL, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU,
IT'S A RICHER TONE.
- YOU'RE TUNED TO THE RADIO.
- I WONDERED WHY ZAPPA
WAS SELLING FISH STICKS.
- THE FLEA MARKET, HUH?
NEED ANY HELP?
- WE HAVE TO BE THERE BY 7:00
TO SET UP.
- NO PROBLEM.
DARIA'S AN EARLY BIRD.
- THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
WATCHING THE SUN RISE...
EXCEPT WATCHING THE SUN SET
IN REVERSE.
[all chuckle]
- GOOD ONE, DARIA.
- MM, EH, THANKS.
- OKAY, THIS TIME, LET'S REVERSE
THE POLARITY OF THE PLUG,
AND I'LL STAND FACING WEST.
- OKAY, COOL.
- ARE YOU NUTS?
- HEY, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO ON HOME
AND SWAP YOGURT RECIPES
WITH THE YEAGERS.
- AND WHAT'S WRONG
WITH MY YOGURT RECIPE?
- YOU SHOULD THANK ME.
IT'S A CHANCE FOR YOU TO SPEND
SOME QUALITY TIME WITH TRENT.
AND THE FLEA MARKET IS
SO ROMANTIC THIS TIME OF YEAR.
I HEAR THE CHIA PETS
ARE IN BLOOM.
- ALL RIGHT, SO
THE FLEA MARKET... WE'RE THERE.
- OKAY,
NOW LET'S TRY THE THING
WHERE I STAND
ON THE ALUMINUM FOIL.
- SO FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS,
WE'VE BEEN SELLING
HAND-KNOTTED HAMMOCKS BY MAIL.
- AND WITH ALL
THE RECENT BREAKTHROUGHS
IN HEMP PROCESSING,
THIS COULD BE
OUR MOST EXCITING YEAR YET.
- OHH, THAT'S FASCINATING.
QUINN, DIDN'T YOU HAVE
A DATE TONIGHT?
- I GOT STACY TO FILL IN.
- YOU INTO SPORTS, MY MAN?
ETHAN?
- HUH?
- WE THINK THERE'S ENOUGH
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
ON THE PLANET
WITHOUT CREATING MORE
WITH "HEALTHY COMPETITION."
- ETHAN'S GONNA ROCK CLIMB...
WHEN HE'S READY.
- WHATEVER.
PEAS.
- MMM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL
WHEN BREAD ISN'T HAND KNEADED.
HAND-KNEADED BREAD
HAS MORE SOUL.
- THIS VEGGIE STUFF
NEVER FILLS ME UP.
ANYONE WANT A BURGER?
HEY, FAIR IS FAIR.
WE'LL ALL BE WORM FOOD SOMEDAY.
- JAKE!
- IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE,
HELEN.
- YOU KNOW, MAN,
YOU'VE BECOME KINDA AGGRESSIVE.
- HAVE NOT!
- IT'S THE MEAT.
- IS NOT!
- WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO THE MELLOW,
"LET IT BE" ATTITUDE
YOU USED TO HAVE?
- JAKE?
- COME ON, EVERYONE,
IF WE FOCUS OUR POSITIVE ENERGY,
WE CAN MAKE THE PENTAGON
RISE UP OFF THE GROUND.
RISE, DAMN IT!
OUCH!
STUPID FIVE-SIDED BUILDING.
- REMEMBER OUR GROUP HOUSE?
- DON'T YOU SEE,
SO-CALLED ENLIGHTENED DUDES
ARE OPPRESSING WOMEN,
JUST LIKE SOCIETY
IS PUTTING DOWN THE MOVEMENT.
I WANT SOME HELP,
AND I WANT IT NOW!
- WOW, SOUNDS LIKE THE GIRLS
ARE GETTING LIBERATED.
- COOL.
- AND THEN,
AFTER YOU GUYS SPLIT,
WE PAINTED A BUS
AND DROVE OUT INTO THE DESERT.
I WISH YOU'D STAYED WITH US.
- NO, WILLOW,
IT WAS TIME FOR US TO MOVE ON.
- IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT
TO CALL IT.
- WHAT?
- HONEY...
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, COYOTE?
- NOTHING. I LOVE YOU GUYS.
IT'S JUST, I REMEMBER YOU
AS YOU WERE; THAT'S ALL.
- WE'RE STILL THAT WAY
DEEP DOWN.
- YEAH, MAN,
WE'RE STILL THAT WAY.
WHAT WAY?
- FREE OF THE SHALLOW,
SUPERFICIAL VALUE SYSTEM
OF A PROFIT-DRIVEN CULTURE
GONE TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG.
- OH, SURE, WE'RE THAT WAY.
[chuckles]
[telephone rings]
- MAY I SPEAK TO THE OLD LADY
OF THE HOUSE?
- DARIA, WHERE ARE YOU?
- JANE'S.
CAN I STAY OVER?
- I WAS HOPING YOU'D WANT
TO GET TO KNOW OUR FRIENDS.
- MY OLD SOUL HAS ALREADY MADE
THEIR ACQUAINTANCE
IN A PREVIOUS LIFETIME.
- WELL, THIS DOES FREE UP
SOME SPACE FOR ETHAN.
HE CAN TAKE THE GUEST ROOM,
AND I'LL PUT COYOTE AND WILLOW
IN YOUR ROOM.
- YOU'RE GONNA PUT THEM
IN MY ROOM?
YOU BETTER TETHER THEM
TO THE BED
SO THEY DON'T FLOAT AWAY.
- [chuckles]
- THE NIGHTMARE STORY
OF AN ENCHANTED KISS
GONE HORRIBLY WRONG,
WHEN SICK, SAD WORLD RETURNS.
- OKAY, I CAN STAY.
YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR ME
TO SLEEP IN?
- DON'T THANK ME.
THANK GRANDMA.
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ ♪
- AND THIS IS WHERE
WE KEEP DARIA.
- COOL. TELL MOM AND DAD
I'M SLEEPING HERE.
- UCH!
- ONCE YOU COULD FIT
ALL YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS
INTO A BACKPACK...
A PAIR OF JEANS, A FEW T-SHIRTS,
A COPY OF STEAL THIS BOOK...
AND NOW LOOK AT YA,
A CAPITALIST CHEERLEADER.
SELLOUT IN A MONKEY SUIT.
DAMN IT!
IT'S TIME TO TAKE A STAND.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHAVE TOMORROW.
- COME ON, JAKEY,
LET SOMEONE ELSE HAVE A TURN.
- HELEN, DO YOU THINK
I'M PAST MY PRIME?
- OF COURSE NOT.
YOU'RE STILL QUITE
THE YOUNG BUCK.
ANYWAY, GOOD-LOOKING MEN GET
EVEN HANDSOMER AS THEY MATURE.
- PHEW. TOO BAD
IT'S NOT THE SAME FOR WOMEN.
[chuckles]
HUH?
- THAT'S BETTER.
NOW I CAN'T SEE A THING.
[knock on door]
- BIG DAY TOMORROW.
- WE'LL WAKE YOU AT 6:00.
GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- [mumbles] GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
[knock on door]
- COME BACK AT 6:00.
- IT IS 6:00.
- THEN HOW COME
YOU'RE SO DAMN CHIPPER?
- IT WAS EASIER TO STAY UP
ALL NIGHT THAN TO GET UP EARLY.
- WE'LL LOAD THE VAN.
- VAN?
- YOU KNOW, THE TANK.
- OH, GOODY.
- ARE THEY GONE?
- DON'T FORGET SOME MONEY.
HEY, DOESN'T GRANDMA
HAVE A NIGHTGOWN LIKE THAT?
- SHOULD I FILE THIS
UNDER SELF-INDULGENT POSERS
OR UNDERRATED GENIUSES?
- ASK TRENT OR JESSE...
WHICH EVER ONE WAKES UP FIRST.
- I GUESS THEY CALL IT
A FLEA MARKET
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU
WANT TO FLEE.
- COME ON, RELAX,
WE'RE GONNA DO WELL TODAY.
WE'VE GOT A CHOICE LOCATION.
- I'M LOOKING FOR SNOW DOMES.
YOU GOT ANY, GIRLS?
- SORRY, MA'AM.
ALL WE HAVE ARE
THESE STRANGE, FLAT DISKS
THE ALIENS LEFT BEHIND.
YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ALIENS,
DON'T YOU?
- YOU ENJOY WORKING
WITH THE PUBLIC, DON'T YOU?
- [both chanting] OM.
- MORNING.
SAY HELLO TO A NEW JAKE,
AN OLD JAKE,
A JAKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
FOR A WHILE,
AND GOOD-BYE TO COOKIE-CUTTER,
CORPORATE-GUY JAKE.
THAT JAKE IS GONE, GONE, GONE.
- YOU DIDN'T QUIT YOUR JOB,
DID YOU?
- NO.
I'M GROWING A BEARD AGAIN.
- OH! THAT'S GREAT, DEAR.
- HEY, QUINN,
HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW LOOK?
- DAD,
ARE YOU GROWING A GOATEE?
THAT'S SO TWO YEARS AGO.
[giggles]
RIGHT, ETHAN?
- I REALLY FEEL CENTERED NOW.
- NICE WHISKERS.
- THANKS!
- UH, IT'S GETTING
KIND OF CROWDED IN HERE.
WHY DON'T ETHAN AND I
GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST?
YOU GUYS CAN SIT AROUND
AND REMEMBER THINGS.
- BREAKFAST?
I THOUGHT IT WAS LUNCHTIME.
I'M GOING BACK TO BED.
- WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT MY BROTHER?
- SELFLESS CONCERN.
I THINK HE STOPPED BREATHING.
- NAH, HE'S ENTERING
A DORMANT STAGE.
IN ABOUT TEN YEARS,
HE SHOULD EMERGE AS A BUTTERFLY.
I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA WAIT.
- HELLO, LADIES.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
OF AN ENTREPRENEURIAL BENT.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD BE SO KIND
AS TO SHOW ME YOUR GOODS.
- UPCHUCK,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I AM ON A QUEST
FOR THE HOLY GRAIL
OF FAST-FOOD PREMIUMS:
A COMPLETE 1985
CALIFORNIA RAISINS
POSEABLE ERASER SET.
ONLY MINT CONDITION WILL DO.
YOUR INVESTORS?
- SILENT PARTNERS.
- UM, DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE
HAVE THE CAST RECORDING
OF SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME?
- NO, BUT WE DO HAVE
SOMEBODY DOWN HERE DOESN'T.
- I WONDER
IF I MIGHT PROVIDE YOU GALS
A LESSON IN SALESMANSHIP.
IT'S A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OFFER.
- HOW 'BOUT
"ONCE-IN-TWO-LIFETIMES"?
- NOW, NOW, LET THE BOY SHOW US
HOW TO DO IT.
THEN WE WON'T HAVE TO.
- IT'S ALL COMING BACK.
YOU WANNA TRY, HONEY?
- UGH! DOG DROOL.
THAT BEAST!
[dog barks]
OUTSIDE.
[telephone rings]
HELLO? ERIC?
WHAT! THEY MOVED THE HEARING UP
TO THIS WEEK?
I CAN BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES.
- MAN, TALK ABOUT UPTIGHT.
- MELLOW OUT, MAN.
NOTHING'S SO IMPORTANT
THAT IT CAN'T WAIT TILL MONDAY,
AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THE CORPORATE CAGE
ON A WEEKEND?
GO TAKE A WALK IN THE PARK.
- RIGHT ON, HONEY.
- YOU STILL HAVE
YOUR PRIORITIES.
- WHO'S UP FOR FRISBEE?
COME ON, LEARY.
ERIC?
YES, OF COURSE, I WAS KIDDING.
- YOU SEE, LADIES,
TRYING TO CLOSE A SALE
WITHOUT PROPER TECHNIQUE
IS LIKE PLAYING CARDS
WITHOUT A FULL DECK.
YOU MUST TREAT YOUR CUSTOMER
LIKE A KING.
THIS IS THE ACE UP YOUR SLEEVE.
YOU'RE A JOKER IF YOU DON'T,
AND YOU'LL BE LEFT WITH JACK.
- WAKE ME
WHEN WE GET TO THE TWOS.
- F.D.R.? NO, SIR.
YOU WON'T FIND SOCIALISTS
ON ANY OF MY TOILET SEATS.
- NOW, WATCH A PRO IN ACTION.
HEY, MR. DEMARTINO.
- WELL, CHARLES RUTTHEIMER.
WHAT IS IT, CHARLES?
- AS A MAN OF CULTURE
AND BREEDING,
I THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN SOME OF OUR AUDIO GEMS.
- IS THIS A PATHETIC ATTEMPT
AT FLATTERY, MR. RUTTHEIMER?
AN OBVIOUS SMOKE SCREEN
FOR YOUR CALCULATED ATTEMPT
AT SEPARATING ME FROM
THE PITTANCE I RECEIVE EACH WEEK
FOR BABYSITTING A BUNCH
OF DAYDREAMING IDIOTS?
- [softly] I JUST WANTED
TO SELL YOU A RECORD.
- GOT ANYTHING
BY ANNETTE FUNICELLO?
- ♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- HEY, MAN, AFTER WE GET
THIS BABY FIXED UP,
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO DOWN
TO THE CLUB AND PLAY A ROUND?
- THE GOLF COURSE
IS AN ECOLOGICAL DISASTER.
- WHAT? YOU GOT TROUBLE
WITH YOUR SWING?
- HERE, WE THOUGHT YOU BOYS
MIGHT LIKE SOME REFRESHMENT.
- HOME-BOTTLED BERRY JUICE.
WE'RE GONNA START
A COMPOST PILE.
WON'T THAT BE FUN?
- WOW, THIS IS STRONG STUFF.
- IT'S GOT NATURAL PECTINS.
- I LOVE PECTINS.
- IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
- 'FRAID SO.
- WELL, THEN I GUESS I'M JUST
GONNA HAVE TO WALK AWAY.
I'M WALKING.
OKAY, 50 CENTS.
- THANKS, MAN.
- WHAT ABOUT MY COMMISSION?
- HEY, WE'RE TRAINING YOU
FOR FREE.
- WELL, TRENT,
NOW THAT YOU'VE RETURNED
TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING,
MAYBE YOU AND DARIA
COULD GO GET US SOME SODA...
WITH CAFFEINE.
- NO PROBLEM. COMING?
- SURE.
- TAKE YOUR TIME.
- HMM, I COULD USE A BURGER.
- I'LL GO WITH YOU.
UPCHUCK,
CAN YOU HANDLE THE BOOTH?
- I HANDLE MUCH MORE THAN THAT,
MISSY.
RARRR.
EXCUSE ME, BUT IS THAT
A VINTAGE COPY OF EYEFUL?
- 1962.
- WHERE DID YOU FIND
SUCH A TREASURE?
- THAT BOOTH OVER THERE.
- THAT'S OKAY. I GOT IT.
- I OWE YOU ONE THEN.
- NEXT TIME.
SO JANEY SAYS YOU'RE AVOIDING
YOUR PARENTS' FRIENDS
THIS WEEKEND.
- THEIR SUNNY '60s OPTIMISM
TENDS TO CANCEL OUT
MY BITTER '90s CYNICISM.
- HOLDOVER HIPPIES?
- YEAH,
THEY'RE BIG BELIEVERS
IN THE CONCEPT
OF VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY.
- I GOTTA USE THAT.
SOUNDS MUCH BETTER THAN "BROKE."
[chuckles, coughs]
- I GUESS YOU GOTTA GIVE THEM
SOME CREDIT.
CIVIL RIGHTS, ENVIRONMENTALISM,
THE WOMEN'S MOVEMENT.
PEOPLE BELIEVED IN STUFF
BACK THEN.
- I KNOW.
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING...
THAT I'VE TURNED INTO "THE MAN."
- I'D NEVER CALL YOU "THE MAN,"
MAN.
"MAN" MAYBE,
BUT NOT "THE MAN."
I HATE THIS STUPID,
RUSTY PIECE OF JUNK!
AND I'M TIRED OF BUYING FOOD
IN BULK
AND NOT FLUSHING EVERY TIME I GO
BECAUSE IT WASTES WATER.
- EW.
- I'M STILL YOUNG.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BELIEFS?
WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING
PART OF THE SOLUTION,
NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM?
- I HATE KNEADING BREAD.
- WHAT?
- I HATE KNEADING BREAD!
DAMN!
- OH, WILLOW, HERE.
- MAN, CAN YOU TEACH ME
HOW TO PLAY GOLF?
- OF COURSE I CAN, MAN.
- AND CAN WE RIDE AROUND
IN ONE OF THOSE LITTLE CARTS?
- SURE THING, PAL.
HEY, SOME KIND OF ORGANIC,
NUTRIENT SKIN BATH, RIGHT? COOL.
- JAKE, WE FELL ON OUR ASSES
IN A PILE OF GARBAGE.
I FEEL LIKE A HOG.
- HOG? I MISS BACON.
- OH, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR YOUR CONCERN.
- WOW, SOUNDS LIKE THE GIRLS
ARE GETTING LIBERATED.
- COOL.
- DAD, THE BERRY JUICE
FERMENTED AGAIN.
YOU GOTTA WATCH THAT.
COME ON, I'LL BUY YOU
A SLUSH CUP.
- IT'S ABOUT TIME.
- GOT ANY MONEY?
- WHERE'S MY RAZOR?
- YOU SEE, MY THEORY IS THAT
OUR PRIMITIVE HUNTING INSTINCT
HAS NO OUTLET IN MODERN SOCIETY.
- COOL.
- SO RATHER THAN
STALKING ANIMALS,
WE SUBSTITUTE
THE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE
AND HUNT FOR OBJECTS.
- COOL.
- AND THEN, JESSE,
WHILE WE SLEEP,
THE OBJECTS COME TO LIFE
AND PLOT THEIR SECRET TAKEOVER
OF OUR CIVILIZATION.
APRIL 1, 2007... THAT'S THE DAY
THEY MAKE THEIR MOVE.
- COOL.
- I DON'T KNOW.
ALL THESE PEOPLE SWAPPING
ALL THIS USELESS JUNK...
MAYBE THE YEAGERS
ARE ONTO SOMETHING.
AT LEAST
THEY'RE NOT CAUGHT UP
IN A CONSTANT STATE
OF CONSUMER FRENZY.
- YEAH, I GUESS
IF YOU'RE GONNA INSIST
ON HOLDING ONTO SOMETHING
FROM THE '60s,
PEACE AND LOVE BEATS
A GET SMART LUNCH BOX.
- ESPECIALLY IF THE LUNCH
IS STILL IN IT.
- WELL, LET'S GO GIVE
JESSE AND JANE A BREAK.
- TOO LATE.
- WHO'S WATCHING THE BOOTH?
- UPCHUCK.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- HERE, MR. DEMARTINO,
I FOUND ANOTHER ISSUE
OF BACHELOR CONFIDENTIAL.
- YOU HAVE REDEEMED YOURSELF,
CHARLES.
RUFF!
- OW! AH!
HEY!
[whining]
OW, THAT HURTS.
UH, LESS TO CARRY HOME?
- WELL, WE DO HAVE THREE COPIES
LEFT OF BOSTON.
- AT LEAST WE'RE NOT
MONEYGRUBBING, CAPITALIST PIGS.
RIGHT, DARIA?
- YEAH, WE'RE JUST
HARDCORE BELIEVERS
IN VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY.
- [chuckles]
- NO, THEY NEVER
FORMALLY CHARGED THEM,
BUT THEY DID KEEP THEM THERE
IN JAIL TILL THE NEXT DAY.
- WOW.
HEY, WHERE'S MY EYEBROW PENCIL?
THIS HAS GOT TO BE WORTH
AT LEAST 20 BUCKS.
NOW, TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT
HOW MOM PUNCHED OUT THE COP.
- YOU'RE SURE
YOU DON'T WANT THIS?
- I NEVER USE IT.
- THIS'LL CUT WAY DOWN
ON THE TIME I SPEND BAKING
FOR ETHAN AND COYOTE.
- SISTER,
MEET THE FROZEN BAGEL.
HEY, GUYS, IT'S GETTING DARK.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING IN?
- IN A MINUTE.
- I'M JUST SHOWING COYOTE
HOW TO DRIVE WITHOUT SLICING.
BETTER!
- GIRLS, I EXPECTED YOU
FOR DINNER.
BEFORE I OFFICIALLY GROUND YOU,
WOULD YOU CARE TO ACCOUNT
FOR YOUR WHEREABOUTS?
- SURE.
BUT FIRST, A FEW QUESTIONS.
NUMBER ONE: WHY DID YOU SPEND
A NIGHT IN JAIL
IN BOULDER IN AUGUST 1969?
- [gasps]
- THANKS FOR THAT
MARKETING PLAN, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA KICK THE BUTTS
OF THOSE WIMPS
AT RAINBOW HAMMOCK.
- TAKE NO PRISONERS, MAN.
PREDATORY BEHAVIOR
IS ALL NATURAL.
- ETHAN?
- YEAH.
- YOU NEVER TOLD ME
WHETHER YOU THOUGHT I WAS,
YOU KNOW, CUTE.
- OH. WELL, SURE.
YOU'RE CUTE.
- THANKS.
- IN A, YOU KNOW,
SHALLOW, SUPERFICIAL WAY.
- THANKS.
- IT'S VERY HARD
NOT TO COMPLEMENT YOU, ISN'T IT?
- OH, DARIA,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT.
- BYE-BYE!
- BYE.
- BYE.
- SEE YA, DUDE.
- SEE YOU SOON.
- SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE.
- DARIA, DO YOU THINK
LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
ARE A GOOD IDEA?
- YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU AND I TRY ONE?
- YOU KNOW, KIDS, IT'S POINTLESS
TO TRY TO GO BACK IN TIME.
YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT,
AND I'M GONNA START RIGHT NOW.
FIRST THINGS FIRST,
I'M GETTING RID
OF ALL MY VINYL RECORDS.
HEY, DARIA, YOU WANT 'EM?
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- HIDING THE COOKING SHERRY
FROM DAD?
- I'M GOING TO MAKE SOME BREAD,
DARIA.
- ISN'T THAT
WHAT SUPERMARKETS ARE FOR?
- THE YEAGERS ARE COMING
FOR THE WEEKEND,
AND I CAN'T SERVE THEM
STORE-BOUGHT BREAD.
- WHY NOT?
- I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM
FOR 25 YEARS.
AND LET'S JUST SAY
THEY KNOW A DIFFERENT HELEN,
A HELEN FAMOUS FOR HER OATMEAL,
PUMPKIN SEED LOAF.
- AND JUST WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH THIS HELEN?
[car horn beeps]
- THEY'RE HERE!
I HOPE THEY DON'T THINK
I'VE CHANGED TOO MUCH.
- JUST BE YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHAT
YOU'VE ALWAYS TOLD ME.
- I COULD KICK MYSELF FOR THAT.
- WHAT KIND OF CAR IS THAT?
- THAT'S NOT A CAR.
IT'S A TIME MACHINE.
- WILLOW! COYOTE!
- WOW, HELEN.
- MAN.
- MY MAN.
- YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
- AND YOU...
WELL, JUST LOOK AT YOU.
- WHY, EVEN LEARY'S
EXACTLY THE SAME.
- COME HERE, BOY.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER OLD JAKE?
- WAIT, THAT CAN'T BE LEARY.
HE'D BE ALMOST 30 BY NOW.
- THIS IS LEARY NUMBER THREE.
- WE HAD TO REPLACE THE ORIGINAL
A FEW TIMES.
- IF ONLY YOU COULD DO THAT
WITH TIMOTHY LEARY, HUH, MAN?
[laughs]
- THEY'RE WORKING ON IT, MAN.
- WELL, THESE TWO
ARE IRREPLACEABLE:
OUR GIRLS, QUINN AND DARIA.
- YOU HAVE A VERY OLD SOUL.
- IT JUST LOOKS MATURE
FOR ITS AGE.
- IS THIS A RETRO THING,
OR ARE THEY SERIOUS?
- LET'S GET YOUR BAGS, MAN.
- WE TRAVEL LIGHT.
- IN THE HEAD.
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE
I CATCH ANY MORE GOOD VIBES.
- DARIA, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE
WITH THOSE... THOSE YUPPIES.
- YUPPIES ARE FROM THE '80s.
- SO WHAT DO YOU CALL PEOPLE
WITH FUNNY OUTFITS
WHO TALK ABOUT PEACE AND LOVE
AND STUFF?
- TREKKIES.
ANYWAY, ONE OF US SHOULD STAY.
IT'S A RARE OPPORTUNITY
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MOM AND DAD.
- WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT?
- TO USE AGAINST THEM LATER.
20 BUCKS
IF YOU DIG UP SOME DIRT.
- SORRY, I HAVE A DATE.
IF YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS,
SO AM I.
- ETHAN, COME MEET THE GIRLS.
- YOU SAID $20, RIGHT?
- ZAPPA DIGITAL.
ZAPPA ANALOG.
- SOUNDS THE SAME TO ME.
- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF
A MUSICIAN?
- NO. I CALL MYSELF
AN INTERPRETER OF SOUND.
- TOP SECRET EXPERIMENT?
- MY PARENTS GAVE US
THEIR OLD RECORDS
TO SELL AT THE FLEA MARKET,
BUT NOW TRENT WANTS TO KEEP 'EM.
- IT'S THE WARMTH OF VINYL, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU,
IT'S A RICHER TONE.
- YOU'RE TUNED TO THE RADIO.
- I WONDERED WHY ZAPPA
WAS SELLING FISH STICKS.
- THE FLEA MARKET, HUH?
NEED ANY HELP?
- WE HAVE TO BE THERE BY 7:00
TO SET UP.
- NO PROBLEM.
DARIA'S AN EARLY BIRD.
- THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
WATCHING THE SUN RISE...
EXCEPT WATCHING THE SUN SET
IN REVERSE.
[all chuckle]
- GOOD ONE, DARIA.
- MM, EH, THANKS.
- OKAY, THIS TIME, LET'S REVERSE
THE POLARITY OF THE PLUG,
AND I'LL STAND FACING WEST.
- OKAY, COOL.
- ARE YOU NUTS?
- HEY, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO ON HOME
AND SWAP YOGURT RECIPES
WITH THE YEAGERS.
- AND WHAT'S WRONG
WITH MY YOGURT RECIPE?
- YOU SHOULD THANK ME.
IT'S A CHANCE FOR YOU TO SPEND
SOME QUALITY TIME WITH TRENT.
AND THE FLEA MARKET IS
SO ROMANTIC THIS TIME OF YEAR.
I HEAR THE CHIA PETS
ARE IN BLOOM.
- ALL RIGHT, SO
THE FLEA MARKET... WE'RE THERE.
- OKAY,
NOW LET'S TRY THE THING
WHERE I STAND
ON THE ALUMINUM FOIL.
- SO FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS,
WE'VE BEEN SELLING
HAND-KNOTTED HAMMOCKS BY MAIL.
- AND WITH ALL
THE RECENT BREAKTHROUGHS
IN HEMP PROCESSING,
THIS COULD BE
OUR MOST EXCITING YEAR YET.
- OHH, THAT'S FASCINATING.
QUINN, DIDN'T YOU HAVE
A DATE TONIGHT?
- I GOT STACY TO FILL IN.
- YOU INTO SPORTS, MY MAN?
ETHAN?
- HUH?
- WE THINK THERE'S ENOUGH
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
ON THE PLANET
WITHOUT CREATING MORE
WITH "HEALTHY COMPETITION."
- ETHAN'S GONNA ROCK CLIMB...
WHEN HE'S READY.
- WHATEVER.
PEAS.
- MMM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL
WHEN BREAD ISN'T HAND KNEADED.
HAND-KNEADED BREAD
HAS MORE SOUL.
- THIS VEGGIE STUFF
NEVER FILLS ME UP.
ANYONE WANT A BURGER?
HEY, FAIR IS FAIR.
WE'LL ALL BE WORM FOOD SOMEDAY.
- JAKE!
- IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE,
HELEN.
- YOU KNOW, MAN,
YOU'VE BECOME KINDA AGGRESSIVE.
- HAVE NOT!
- IT'S THE MEAT.
- IS NOT!
- WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO THE MELLOW,
"LET IT BE" ATTITUDE
YOU USED TO HAVE?
- JAKE?
- COME ON, EVERYONE,
IF WE FOCUS OUR POSITIVE ENERGY,
WE CAN MAKE THE PENTAGON
RISE UP OFF THE GROUND.
RISE, DAMN IT!
OUCH!
STUPID FIVE-SIDED BUILDING.
- REMEMBER OUR GROUP HOUSE?
- DON'T YOU SEE,
SO-CALLED ENLIGHTENED DUDES
ARE OPPRESSING WOMEN,
JUST LIKE SOCIETY
IS PUTTING DOWN THE MOVEMENT.
I WANT SOME HELP,
AND I WANT IT NOW!
- WOW, SOUNDS LIKE THE GIRLS
ARE GETTING LIBERATED.
- COOL.
- AND THEN,
AFTER YOU GUYS SPLIT,
WE PAINTED A BUS
AND DROVE OUT INTO THE DESERT.
I WISH YOU'D STAYED WITH US.
- NO, WILLOW,
IT WAS TIME FOR US TO MOVE ON.
- IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT
TO CALL IT.
- WHAT?
- HONEY...
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, COYOTE?
- NOTHING. I LOVE YOU GUYS.
IT'S JUST, I REMEMBER YOU
AS YOU WERE; THAT'S ALL.
- WE'RE STILL THAT WAY
DEEP DOWN.
- YEAH, MAN,
WE'RE STILL THAT WAY.
WHAT WAY?
- FREE OF THE SHALLOW,
SUPERFICIAL VALUE SYSTEM
OF A PROFIT-DRIVEN CULTURE
GONE TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG.
- OH, SURE, WE'RE THAT WAY.
[chuckles]
[telephone rings]
- MAY I SPEAK TO THE OLD LADY
OF THE HOUSE?
- DARIA, WHERE ARE YOU?
- JANE'S.
CAN I STAY OVER?
- I WAS HOPING YOU'D WANT
TO GET TO KNOW OUR FRIENDS.
- MY OLD SOUL HAS ALREADY MADE
THEIR ACQUAINTANCE
IN A PREVIOUS LIFETIME.
- WELL, THIS DOES FREE UP
SOME SPACE FOR ETHAN.
HE CAN TAKE THE GUEST ROOM,
AND I'LL PUT COYOTE AND WILLOW
IN YOUR ROOM.
- YOU'RE GONNA PUT THEM
IN MY ROOM?
YOU BETTER TETHER THEM
TO THE BED
SO THEY DON'T FLOAT AWAY.
- [chuckles]
- THE NIGHTMARE STORY
OF AN ENCHANTED KISS
GONE HORRIBLY WRONG,
WHEN SICK, SAD WORLD RETURNS.
- OKAY, I CAN STAY.
YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR ME
TO SLEEP IN?
- DON'T THANK ME.
THANK GRANDMA.
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ ♪
- AND THIS IS WHERE
WE KEEP DARIA.
- COOL. TELL MOM AND DAD
I'M SLEEPING HERE.
- UCH!
- ONCE YOU COULD FIT
ALL YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS
INTO A BACKPACK...
A PAIR OF JEANS, A FEW T-SHIRTS,
A COPY OF STEAL THIS BOOK...
AND NOW LOOK AT YA,
A CAPITALIST CHEERLEADER.
SELLOUT IN A MONKEY SUIT.
DAMN IT!
IT'S TIME TO TAKE A STAND.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHAVE TOMORROW.
- COME ON, JAKEY,
LET SOMEONE ELSE HAVE A TURN.
- HELEN, DO YOU THINK
I'M PAST MY PRIME?
- OF COURSE NOT.
YOU'RE STILL QUITE
THE YOUNG BUCK.
ANYWAY, GOOD-LOOKING MEN GET
EVEN HANDSOMER AS THEY MATURE.
- PHEW. TOO BAD
IT'S NOT THE SAME FOR WOMEN.
[chuckles]
HUH?
- THAT'S BETTER.
NOW I CAN'T SEE A THING.
[knock on door]
- BIG DAY TOMORROW.
- WE'LL WAKE YOU AT 6:00.
GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- [mumbles] GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
[knock on door]
- COME BACK AT 6:00.
- IT IS 6:00.
- THEN HOW COME
YOU'RE SO DAMN CHIPPER?
- IT WAS EASIER TO STAY UP
ALL NIGHT THAN TO GET UP EARLY.
- WE'LL LOAD THE VAN.
- VAN?
- YOU KNOW, THE TANK.
- OH, GOODY.
- ARE THEY GONE?
- DON'T FORGET SOME MONEY.
HEY, DOESN'T GRANDMA
HAVE A NIGHTGOWN LIKE THAT?
- SHOULD I FILE THIS
UNDER SELF-INDULGENT POSERS
OR UNDERRATED GENIUSES?
- ASK TRENT OR JESSE...
WHICH EVER ONE WAKES UP FIRST.
- I GUESS THEY CALL IT
A FLEA MARKET
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU
WANT TO FLEE.
- COME ON, RELAX,
WE'RE GONNA DO WELL TODAY.
WE'VE GOT A CHOICE LOCATION.
- I'M LOOKING FOR SNOW DOMES.
YOU GOT ANY, GIRLS?
- SORRY, MA'AM.
ALL WE HAVE ARE
THESE STRANGE, FLAT DISKS
THE ALIENS LEFT BEHIND.
YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ALIENS,
DON'T YOU?
- YOU ENJOY WORKING
WITH THE PUBLIC, DON'T YOU?
- [both chanting] OM.
- MORNING.
SAY HELLO TO A NEW JAKE,
AN OLD JAKE,
A JAKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
FOR A WHILE,
AND GOOD-BYE TO COOKIE-CUTTER,
CORPORATE-GUY JAKE.
THAT JAKE IS GONE, GONE, GONE.
- YOU DIDN'T QUIT YOUR JOB,
DID YOU?
- NO.
I'M GROWING A BEARD AGAIN.
- OH! THAT'S GREAT, DEAR.
- HEY, QUINN,
HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW LOOK?
- DAD,
ARE YOU GROWING A GOATEE?
THAT'S SO TWO YEARS AGO.
[giggles]
RIGHT, ETHAN?
- I REALLY FEEL CENTERED NOW.
- NICE WHISKERS.
- THANKS!
- UH, IT'S GETTING
KIND OF CROWDED IN HERE.
WHY DON'T ETHAN AND I
GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST?
YOU GUYS CAN SIT AROUND
AND REMEMBER THINGS.
- BREAKFAST?
I THOUGHT IT WAS LUNCHTIME.
I'M GOING BACK TO BED.
- WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT MY BROTHER?
- SELFLESS CONCERN.
I THINK HE STOPPED BREATHING.
- NAH, HE'S ENTERING
A DORMANT STAGE.
IN ABOUT TEN YEARS,
HE SHOULD EMERGE AS A BUTTERFLY.
I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA WAIT.
- HELLO, LADIES.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
OF AN ENTREPRENEURIAL BENT.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD BE SO KIND
AS TO SHOW ME YOUR GOODS.
- UPCHUCK,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I AM ON A QUEST
FOR THE HOLY GRAIL
OF FAST-FOOD PREMIUMS:
A COMPLETE 1985
CALIFORNIA RAISINS
POSEABLE ERASER SET.
ONLY MINT CONDITION WILL DO.
YOUR INVESTORS?
- SILENT PARTNERS.
- UM, DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE
HAVE THE CAST RECORDING
OF SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME?
- NO, BUT WE DO HAVE
SOMEBODY DOWN HERE DOESN'T.
- I WONDER
IF I MIGHT PROVIDE YOU GALS
A LESSON IN SALESMANSHIP.
IT'S A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OFFER.
- HOW 'BOUT
"ONCE-IN-TWO-LIFETIMES"?
- NOW, NOW, LET THE BOY SHOW US
HOW TO DO IT.
THEN WE WON'T HAVE TO.
- IT'S ALL COMING BACK.
YOU WANNA TRY, HONEY?
- UGH! DOG DROOL.
THAT BEAST!
[dog barks]
OUTSIDE.
[telephone rings]
HELLO? ERIC?
WHAT! THEY MOVED THE HEARING UP
TO THIS WEEK?
I CAN BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES.
- MAN, TALK ABOUT UPTIGHT.
- MELLOW OUT, MAN.
NOTHING'S SO IMPORTANT
THAT IT CAN'T WAIT TILL MONDAY,
AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THE CORPORATE CAGE
ON A WEEKEND?
GO TAKE A WALK IN THE PARK.
- RIGHT ON, HONEY.
- YOU STILL HAVE
YOUR PRIORITIES.
- WHO'S UP FOR FRISBEE?
COME ON, LEARY.
ERIC?
YES, OF COURSE, I WAS KIDDING.
- YOU SEE, LADIES,
TRYING TO CLOSE A SALE
WITHOUT PROPER TECHNIQUE
IS LIKE PLAYING CARDS
WITHOUT A FULL DECK.
YOU MUST TREAT YOUR CUSTOMER
LIKE A KING.
THIS IS THE ACE UP YOUR SLEEVE.
YOU'RE A JOKER IF YOU DON'T,
AND YOU'LL BE LEFT WITH JACK.
- WAKE ME
WHEN WE GET TO THE TWOS.
- F.D.R.? NO, SIR.
YOU WON'T FIND SOCIALISTS
ON ANY OF MY TOILET SEATS.
- NOW, WATCH A PRO IN ACTION.
HEY, MR. DEMARTINO.
- WELL, CHARLES RUTTHEIMER.
WHAT IS IT, CHARLES?
- AS A MAN OF CULTURE
AND BREEDING,
I THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN SOME OF OUR AUDIO GEMS.
- IS THIS A PATHETIC ATTEMPT
AT FLATTERY, MR. RUTTHEIMER?
AN OBVIOUS SMOKE SCREEN
FOR YOUR CALCULATED ATTEMPT
AT SEPARATING ME FROM
THE PITTANCE I RECEIVE EACH WEEK
FOR BABYSITTING A BUNCH
OF DAYDREAMING IDIOTS?
- [softly] I JUST WANTED
TO SELL YOU A RECORD.
- GOT ANYTHING
BY ANNETTE FUNICELLO?
- ♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- HEY, MAN, AFTER WE GET
THIS BABY FIXED UP,
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO DOWN
TO THE CLUB AND PLAY A ROUND?
- THE GOLF COURSE
IS AN ECOLOGICAL DISASTER.
- WHAT? YOU GOT TROUBLE
WITH YOUR SWING?
- HERE, WE THOUGHT YOU BOYS
MIGHT LIKE SOME REFRESHMENT.
- HOME-BOTTLED BERRY JUICE.
WE'RE GONNA START
A COMPOST PILE.
WON'T THAT BE FUN?
- WOW, THIS IS STRONG STUFF.
- IT'S GOT NATURAL PECTINS.
- I LOVE PECTINS.
- IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
- 'FRAID SO.
- WELL, THEN I GUESS I'M JUST
GONNA HAVE TO WALK AWAY.
I'M WALKING.
OKAY, 50 CENTS.
- THANKS, MAN.
- WHAT ABOUT MY COMMISSION?
- HEY, WE'RE TRAINING YOU
FOR FREE.
- WELL, TRENT,
NOW THAT YOU'VE RETURNED
TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING,
MAYBE YOU AND DARIA
COULD GO GET US SOME SODA...
WITH CAFFEINE.
- NO PROBLEM. COMING?
- SURE.
- TAKE YOUR TIME.
- HMM, I COULD USE A BURGER.
- I'LL GO WITH YOU.
UPCHUCK,
CAN YOU HANDLE THE BOOTH?
- I HANDLE MUCH MORE THAN THAT,
MISSY.
RARRR.
EXCUSE ME, BUT IS THAT
A VINTAGE COPY OF EYEFUL?
- 1962.
- WHERE DID YOU FIND
SUCH A TREASURE?
- THAT BOOTH OVER THERE.
- THAT'S OKAY. I GOT IT.
- I OWE YOU ONE THEN.
- NEXT TIME.
SO JANEY SAYS YOU'RE AVOIDING
YOUR PARENTS' FRIENDS
THIS WEEKEND.
- THEIR SUNNY '60s OPTIMISM
TENDS TO CANCEL OUT
MY BITTER '90s CYNICISM.
- HOLDOVER HIPPIES?
- YEAH,
THEY'RE BIG BELIEVERS
IN THE CONCEPT
OF VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY.
- I GOTTA USE THAT.
SOUNDS MUCH BETTER THAN "BROKE."
[chuckles, coughs]
- I GUESS YOU GOTTA GIVE THEM
SOME CREDIT.
CIVIL RIGHTS, ENVIRONMENTALISM,
THE WOMEN'S MOVEMENT.
PEOPLE BELIEVED IN STUFF
BACK THEN.
- I KNOW.
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING...
THAT I'VE TURNED INTO "THE MAN."
- I'D NEVER CALL YOU "THE MAN,"
MAN.
"MAN" MAYBE,
BUT NOT "THE MAN."
I HATE THIS STUPID,
RUSTY PIECE OF JUNK!
AND I'M TIRED OF BUYING FOOD
IN BULK
AND NOT FLUSHING EVERY TIME I GO
BECAUSE IT WASTES WATER.
- EW.
- I'M STILL YOUNG.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BELIEFS?
WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING
PART OF THE SOLUTION,
NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM?
- I HATE KNEADING BREAD.
- WHAT?
- I HATE KNEADING BREAD!
DAMN!
- OH, WILLOW, HERE.
- MAN, CAN YOU TEACH ME
HOW TO PLAY GOLF?
- OF COURSE I CAN, MAN.
- AND CAN WE RIDE AROUND
IN ONE OF THOSE LITTLE CARTS?
- SURE THING, PAL.
HEY, SOME KIND OF ORGANIC,
NUTRIENT SKIN BATH, RIGHT? COOL.
- JAKE, WE FELL ON OUR ASSES
IN A PILE OF GARBAGE.
I FEEL LIKE A HOG.
- HOG? I MISS BACON.
- OH, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR YOUR CONCERN.
- WOW, SOUNDS LIKE THE GIRLS
ARE GETTING LIBERATED.
- COOL.
- DAD, THE BERRY JUICE
FERMENTED AGAIN.
YOU GOTTA WATCH THAT.
COME ON, I'LL BUY YOU
A SLUSH CUP.
- IT'S ABOUT TIME.
- GOT ANY MONEY?
- WHERE'S MY RAZOR?
- YOU SEE, MY THEORY IS THAT
OUR PRIMITIVE HUNTING INSTINCT
HAS NO OUTLET IN MODERN SOCIETY.
- COOL.
- SO RATHER THAN
STALKING ANIMALS,
WE SUBSTITUTE
THE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE
AND HUNT FOR OBJECTS.
- COOL.
- AND THEN, JESSE,
WHILE WE SLEEP,
THE OBJECTS COME TO LIFE
AND PLOT THEIR SECRET TAKEOVER
OF OUR CIVILIZATION.
APRIL 1, 2007... THAT'S THE DAY
THEY MAKE THEIR MOVE.
- COOL.
- I DON'T KNOW.
ALL THESE PEOPLE SWAPPING
ALL THIS USELESS JUNK...
MAYBE THE YEAGERS
ARE ONTO SOMETHING.
AT LEAST
THEY'RE NOT CAUGHT UP
IN A CONSTANT STATE
OF CONSUMER FRENZY.
- YEAH, I GUESS
IF YOU'RE GONNA INSIST
ON HOLDING ONTO SOMETHING
FROM THE '60s,
PEACE AND LOVE BEATS
A GET SMART LUNCH BOX.
- ESPECIALLY IF THE LUNCH
IS STILL IN IT.
- WELL, LET'S GO GIVE
JESSE AND JANE A BREAK.
- TOO LATE.
- WHO'S WATCHING THE BOOTH?
- UPCHUCK.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- HERE, MR. DEMARTINO,
I FOUND ANOTHER ISSUE
OF BACHELOR CONFIDENTIAL.
- YOU HAVE REDEEMED YOURSELF,
CHARLES.
RUFF!
- OW! AH!
HEY!
[whining]
OW, THAT HURTS.
UH, LESS TO CARRY HOME?
- WELL, WE DO HAVE THREE COPIES
LEFT OF BOSTON.
- AT LEAST WE'RE NOT
MONEYGRUBBING, CAPITALIST PIGS.
RIGHT, DARIA?
- YEAH, WE'RE JUST
HARDCORE BELIEVERS
IN VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY.
- [chuckles]
- NO, THEY NEVER
FORMALLY CHARGED THEM,
BUT THEY DID KEEP THEM THERE
IN JAIL TILL THE NEXT DAY.
- WOW.
HEY, WHERE'S MY EYEBROW PENCIL?
THIS HAS GOT TO BE WORTH
AT LEAST 20 BUCKS.
NOW, TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT
HOW MOM PUNCHED OUT THE COP.
- YOU'RE SURE
YOU DON'T WANT THIS?
- I NEVER USE IT.
- THIS'LL CUT WAY DOWN
ON THE TIME I SPEND BAKING
FOR ETHAN AND COYOTE.
- SISTER,
MEET THE FROZEN BAGEL.
HEY, GUYS, IT'S GETTING DARK.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING IN?
- IN A MINUTE.
- I'M JUST SHOWING COYOTE
HOW TO DRIVE WITHOUT SLICING.
BETTER!
- GIRLS, I EXPECTED YOU
FOR DINNER.
BEFORE I OFFICIALLY GROUND YOU,
WOULD YOU CARE TO ACCOUNT
FOR YOUR WHEREABOUTS?
- SURE.
BUT FIRST, A FEW QUESTIONS.
NUMBER ONE: WHY DID YOU SPEND
A NIGHT IN JAIL
IN BOULDER IN AUGUST 1969?
- [gasps]
- THANKS FOR THAT
MARKETING PLAN, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA KICK THE BUTTS
OF THOSE WIMPS
AT RAINBOW HAMMOCK.
- TAKE NO PRISONERS, MAN.
PREDATORY BEHAVIOR
IS ALL NATURAL.
- ETHAN?
- YEAH.
- YOU NEVER TOLD ME
WHETHER YOU THOUGHT I WAS,
YOU KNOW, CUTE.
- OH. WELL, SURE.
YOU'RE CUTE.
- THANKS.
- IN A, YOU KNOW,
SHALLOW, SUPERFICIAL WAY.
- THANKS.
- IT'S VERY HARD
NOT TO COMPLEMENT YOU, ISN'T IT?
- OH, DARIA,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT.
- BYE-BYE!
- BYE.
- BYE.
- SEE YA, DUDE.
- SEE YOU SOON.
- SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE.
- DARIA, DO YOU THINK
LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
ARE A GOOD IDEA?
- YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU AND I TRY ONE?
- YOU KNOW, KIDS, IT'S POINTLESS
TO TRY TO GO BACK IN TIME.
YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT,
AND I'M GONNA START RIGHT NOW.
FIRST THINGS FIRST,
I'M GETTING RID
OF ALL MY VINYL RECORDS.
HEY, DARIA, YOU WANT 'EM?
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪