Daria (1997–2001): Season 2, Episode 3 - Quinn the Brain - full transcript
Quinn needs a quick passing grade in English, and ends up writing an impressive essay(by Lawndale standards, that is), but fears that it might give her a reputation as a nerd. Instead it gives her a new following as a trendy intel...
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- NOW, AS I'M HANDING BACK
YOUR ESSAYS,
YOU MAY HAVE STRONG FEELINGS
ABOUT THE COMPETITIVE
AND DISCOURAGING ASPECTS
OF GRADING.
I CARE ABOUT
WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
WHO WOULD LIKE TO START?
- IS AN F-PLUS THE SAME
AS A D-MINUS?
- I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER
HEARD OF AN F-PLUS, JORDAN,
BUT WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT.
- SO SHE SAID,
"I GOT THOSE EGGSHELL LEGGINGS
LIKE YOU TOLD ME."
AND I SAID, "EGGSHELL?
I TOLD YOU EGGPLANT."
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
[laughter]
- QUINN,
WAS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANTED TO SAY?
- UM... I DIDN'T GET
MY ESSAY BACK.
[school bell rings]
- THAT'S TRUE, QUINN.
I'M AFRAID I'LL NEED TO SEE YOU
AFTER CLASS.
- I'LL SAVE YOU A PLACE
AT THE MIRROR.
- QUINN, I'M SO SORRY,
BUT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT
YOUR PERFORMANCE.
- OKAY, BUT I'M KIND OF
IN A RUSH TODAY.
- LET'S GO OVER
OUR LAST ASSIGNMENT:
"HOW I FEEL
ABOUT POLYCULTURALISM."
YOU WROTE, "I DEFINITELY
PREFER ALL-COTTON."
- I DIDN'T COPY IT,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.
- NO, NO, I BELIEVE YOU.
THE THING IS...
NOW, I DON'T WANT
TO PANIC OR UPSET YOU.
PLEASE, TAKE THIS
IN A CONSTRUCTIVE SPIRIT,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOT
DOING WELL IN LANGUAGE ARTS.
- OKAY, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED AN "A"
ON YOUR NEXT ESSAY
TO MAINTAIN A PASSING GRADE.
- YOU MEAN "PASSING"
AS IN PASSING OR FAILING?
- YES, BUT DON'T WORRY.
ALL IT WILL TAKE IS
SOME COMMITMENT, DEDICATION,
AND HARD WORK.
- OH, NO!
- YOU CAN DO IT, QUINN.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING
TO BE ON THE GYMNASTICS TEAM,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T MASTER
THE HIGH BAR,
SO I PRACTICED EVERY DAY...
- AND THE BIG TRYOUT CAME,
AND YOU MADE THE TEAM.
- WELL, NO.
BUT THAT WINTER,
I LEARNED HOW TO WRITE
HOLDING A PENCIL IN MY TEETH.
- QUINN, WHAT IS
THE MEANING OF THIS?
I PUT IN ANOTHER 12-HOUR DAY,
AND THE FIRST THING I SEE
WHEN I GET HOME...
- [snoring]
- JAKE!
- HUH? I'M UP!
- WHERE ARE THE GIRLS?
- THEY WERE HERE BEFORE,
I THINK.
- I'M VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS.
- OH, YEAH, I KNOW.
SEE, I WAS TRYING TO CALL
THE NUMBER FOR MOVIEFONE,
AND OUT OF NOWHERE,
THIS WOMAN COMES ON THE LINE...
- JAKE, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
- THAT'S NOT THE PHONE BILL.
I... WHAT IS THAT?
- IT'S A LETTER
FROM QUINN'S TEACHER.
SHE'S GOING TO FAIL ENGLISH
BECAUSE SHE'S NOT PUTTING IN
ANY EFFORT.
I'M GOING UP TO TALK TO HER.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY CAN'T I EVER BE THE ONE
TO TALK TO THE GIRLS?
- HONEY, IT'S NOT
THAT YOU CAN'T.
IT'S JUST
A STRONG PARENTING TEAM
IS LIKE A SINGING GROUP.
THE LEAD SINGER
CARRIES THE TUNE,
AND THE BACKUP SINGERS
SUPPORT HER.
THAT'S YOU.
- BUT WHAT DO
THE BACKUP SINGERS DO?
- YOU CHIME IN
AT JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT,
AND THEN YOU FADE
INTO THE BACKGROUND.
DOESN'T THAT MAKE SENSE?
- DO I GET A TAMBOURINE
OR SOMETHING?
- MOM, CAN I BORROW...
UM, I'M JUST GONNA RUN DOWN
TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER
AND SEE ABOUT VOLUNTEERING.
I HEARD THEY GOT IN
A NEW BUNCH OF SICK BIRDS.
- QUINN, THIS NOTE
CAME FROM SCHOOL.
- DON'T WORRY.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET, LIKE,
AN "A" ON MY NEXT ESSAY,
AND I'M FINE.
- I'LL TAKE THE VEGAS ODDS
ON THAT ONE.
- DARIA, WE NEED TO BE
ENCOURAGING.
SIT DOWN, QUINN.
HONEY, THIS ISN'T JUST
ABOUT ONE ESSAY.
IT'S ABOUT SETTING GOALS IN LIFE
AND GOING AFTER THEM.
YOU KNOW,
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING
TO JOIN THE SWIM TEAM...
- NO!
NO!
PLEASE, NOT AGAIN.
- HUH?
- MOM, IF YOU'RE
GONNA REMINISCE,
I'M AFRAID I'LL BE FORCED
TO CALL SOCIAL SERVICES.
- ALL RIGHT, QUINN.
LET ME TRY TO PUT IT
ANOTHER WAY.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DECIDE
TO DO IN LIFE,
A SOLID EDUCATION...
- YOU GAVE THIS TALK
WHEN I GOT CAUGHT CUTTING MY...
WHEN I FORGOT
WHERE MY MATH CLASS WAS.
- HELEN, LET ME.
HONEY, DID YOU EVER HEAR
THE TALE OF THE ANT
AND THE GRASSHOPPER?
- EW!
BUGS?
- TRY IMAGINING IT
THIS WAY, QUINN.
- YOU COULD BE LEFT BACK
AND BE THE OLDEST FRESHMAN
IN LAWNDALE HIGH.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOT TO GET TO WORK. BYE.
- THAT'S MY GIRL.
- YOU SEE HOW IT'S DONE?
- DARIA?
ARE YOU IN THERE?
- NO, I'M TAKING IT EASY
IN TAHITI FOR A FEW DAYS.
[door creaks open]
HANG ON.
I'M JUST ORDERING ANOTHER TRAY
OF COCONUT DAIQUIRIS.
- UM, I WAS WONDERING IF...
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- I JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP
WITH MY ESSAY.
LIKE, COULD YOU WRITE IT FOR ME?
- AND WHAT'S
MY MOTIVATION AGAIN?
- COME ON, DARIA.
WE'RE SISTERS.
WE'VE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER.
- UNLESS WE'RE IN PUBLIC,
YOU MEAN.
- BUT YOU'RE SO SMART.
AND THIS ESSAY IS SO IMPORTANT.
BELIEVE ME,
I WOULD DO IT MYSELF,
BUT I HAVE A DATE.
- OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
WHEN DOES THE SUBJECT
OF COMPENSATION COME UP?
- $10?
- $20.
- $15.
- DONE.
- THANKS, DARIA.
THIS IS GONNA WORK OUT
FOR BOTH OF US.
I MEAN, I GET MY ESSAY WRITTEN,
AND FOR ONCE, YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO ON FRIDAY NIGHT
INSTEAD OF SITTING AROUND
LIKE A LOSER, YOU KNOW?
- THAT'S IT, SHAKESPEARE.
DO YOUR OWN DAMN HOMEWORK.
[doorbell rings]
- UM, IS THIS QUINN'S HOUSE?
- SOMEONE BY THAT NAME
DOES LIVE HERE.
- COOL.
- SHE'S UPSTAIRS
DOING SCHOOLWORK.
- I GOT TO PAY MORE ATTENTION
WHEN I GET THESE ADDRESSES.
- COREY?
I JUST CAME DOWN TO SAY
I CAN'T SEE YOU TONIGHT.
I HAVE TO WRITE AN ESSAY.
- [laughs] GOOD ONE.
COME ON.
I GOT A SPECIAL EVENING PLANNED.
LET'S GO BEFORE THERE'S A LINE
AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH.
- NO, REALLY, COREY.
I HAVE WORK TO DO,
AND YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
SORRY.
- QUINN, WHAT HAVE THEY
DONE TO YOU?
- DID YOU JUST SPEND TWO HOURS
DRESSING UP TO GO TO THE DOOR
FOR ONE MINUTE
AND DUMP YOUR DATE?
- DARIA, IF YOU LOOK YOUR BEST
WHEN YOU BLOW A GUY OFF,
IT MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE YOU CARE.
- WELL, THAT ADVICE
SHOULD PROVE VERY HELPFUL.
SOMETIMES YOUR SHALLOWNESS
IS SO THOROUGH,
IT'S ALMOST LIKE DEPTH.
- THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, $20.
- NOPE.
- FINE!
I HOPE YOU REALIZE YOU'RE
MAKING ME DO MY OWN HOMEWORK.
- THAT IS A SCARY THOUGHT.
[school bell rings]
- I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE,
EVERYONE.
ONE OF OUR STUDENTS
HAS SO IMPROVED
SINCE LAST WEEK'S ESSAY,
I'M GONNA SHARE HER WORK
WITH THE CLASS.
- I REALLY LIKE THOSE LEGGINGS.
- YEAH, BUT NOW I HAVE
A SHOE THING.
STRAPPIES?
- PLATFORM JELLIES.
- QUINN, YOU'RE SO SMART.
- ONLY ABOUT IMPORTANT STUFF.
- QUINN.
- UM, I DIDN'T GET
MY PAPER BACK.
- THAT'S RIGHT, QUINN,
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
READ IT ALOUD.
- OH, NO.
- "ACADEMIC IMPRISONMENT,"
BY QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
"SO GO AHEAD,
"LOCK ME UP WITH YOUR HOMEWORK
AND YOUR TESTS.
"ROB MY FREEDOM WITH
YOUR READING AND YOUR THINKING.
"AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
"THE ONLY DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SCHOOL AND PRISON
"IS THE WARDROBE,
"OR DO YOU WANT TO TAKE AWAY
MY OUTFITS TOO?
THE END."
WOW.
WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SHARE
THEIR REACTION?
- MAY I PLEASE CHANGE SCHOOLS?
- THERE.
NOW IT'S ON FULL DISPLAY.
- QUITE THE DOOR
OF ACHIEVEMENT.
- COME ON, KIDDO.
YOU WANT TO ENCOURAGE
YOUR SISTER, DON'T YOU?
- TO GET HER OWN PLACE, YEAH.
- HEY, IT'S MY DAUGHTER,
THE GENIUS.
- OUR OWN ACADEMIC ACHIEVER.
- WE'RE ALL SO PROUD OF YOU.
AREN'T WE, DARIA?
- SURE.
IF YOU MEAN "PROUD"
AS IN STUNNED.
- MOM, DAD,
MAKING YOU HAPPY
IS THE GREATEST REWARD
I COULD ASK FOR.
OF COURSE, WHEN OTHER KIDS
GET A GOOD GRADE,
THEY SOMETIMES GET, LIKE,
A LITTLE PRESENT.
- NOW, QUINN, I REALLY THINK...
- I'LL HANDLE THIS.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
SWEETHEART.
YOU GOT AN "A."
YOU SHOULD BE REWARDED.
HERE YOU GO.
- THANKS, DAD.
- WAIT, ISN'T THAT
A DOUBLE STANDARD?
- HUH?
- YOU JUST GAVE HER A $20
FOR GETTING ONE "A."
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE "A" s
I GET FOR FREE?
- YEAH, BUT THIS IS
A SPECIAL OCCASION,
SO QUINN GETS
A SPECIAL REWARD.
IT'S A MOTIVATIONAL THING.
- BUT WON'T THAT DEMOTIVATE
YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER
WHOSE WORK
IS CONSISTENTLY GOOD?
- YES, JAKE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS?
- I WASN'T FINISHED.
DARIA SHOULD HAVE
A CONSISTENT REWARD
FOR HER CONSISTENTLY GOOD WORK.
- HEY!
- AND QUINN SHOULD HAVE
A SPECIAL ONE-TIME REWARD
FOR HER ONE-TIME EFFORT.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT
A HIGHER REWARD
FOR MAINTAINING A STANDARD
OF EXCELLENCE OVER TIME?
PERHAPS WITH COMPOUND INTEREST?
- HERE, JUST TAKE IT.
HELEN, I TOLD YOU I WAS NO GOOD
AT THIS PARENTING CRAP.
- HEY, QUINN, YOU'RE FAMOUS.
- OH, YOU GUYS.
I'M JUST REALLY POPULAR.
- HE'S TALKING ABOUT YOUR ESSAY
IN THE LAWNDALE LOWDOWN.
- THE SCHOOL PAPER?
- IT'S IN THE SMART THOUGHTS
COLUMN.
- I'M RUINED.
- "ACADEMIC IMPRISONMENT,"
BY QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
- IT'S GREAT, ISN'T IT?
- "NO LIGHT SHINES THROUGH
THESE FOUR BRICK WALLS.
"FOR THE SCHOOL IS MY PRISON
AND ITS TEACHERS,
MY IMPRISONERS."
- I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THE WORD "IMPRISONERS" EXISTED.
- YEAH, BUT NOW I CAN'T WAIT
TO USE IT.
WHY EXACTLY IS THIS GREAT?
- BECAUSE NOW QUINN'S
GOING TO SEE FIRSTHAND
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
TO BE A BRAIN.
- LISTEN TO THIS:
"LIKE A HAMSTER
ON ONE OF THOSE WHEEL THINGS,
"SCHOOL RUNS US
AROUND AND AROUND
"UNTIL WE YEARN
FOR THE LITTLE FOOD PELLET.
BUT ONLY MORE HOMEWORK AWAITS."
YOU KNOW,
IT'S LIKE SHE READ MY MIND.
- RIGHT AFTER YOU SUFFERED
A SEVERE BLOW TO THE HEAD.
- COULD YOU PUT THAT AWAY?
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
BOMB SCARE AT YOUR TABLE?
- KEEP IT DOWN, OKAY?
I'M TRYING TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE
SINCE THE PAPER CAME OUT.
- LUCKY FOR YOU
THE PULITZER COMMITTEE
ALREADY FINISHED EATING.
- THEY HAD THE MEATLOAF.
- HA.
- YOU MUST BE VERY EXCITED
ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE
ARE CALLING YOU.
- WHAT?
- BRAINS MORGENDORFFER.
- COME ON.
BECAUSE OF ONE LITTLE ESSAY?
- IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE.
BEHOLD THE FUTURE.
- [splutters]
[laughter]
- EW.
- LAST WEEK, THEY WERE
TRYING OUT FOR FOOTBALL.
THEN THEY WON
ONE DEBATE TOURNAMENT.
- WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I CAN'T BE A BRAIN.
MY FRIENDS WILL HATE ME.
- YES, BUT JUST THINK OF ALL
THE NEW FRIENDS YOU'LL MAKE
IN CHESS CLUB.
- MAYBE I CAN STEAL
ALL THE NEWSPAPERS
BEFORE ANYONE ELSE READS THEM.
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, BRAINS.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE LUNCH
THIS PERIOD, DO YOU?
- OF COURSE NOT.
I CUT SCIENCE TO TALK TO YOU.
YOU THINK I'D SIT WITH YOU
WHILE MY GRADE IS AT LUNCH?
- ABOUT THAT BEING MISTAKEN
FOR A BRAIN THING.
I WOULDN'T WORRY TOO MUCH
ABOUT IT.
[school bell rings]
- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STUDY
DURING STUDY HALL ANYWAY?
- QUINN'S TUTORING ME
IN ENGLISH
SO I CAN STAY
ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM.
MR. O'NEILL SET IT UP.
- KEVIE, I COULD TUTOR YOU.
I SPEAK ENGLISH TOO, YOU KNOW.
- BABE, I'VE GOT A PLAN.
- I'LL BET YOU DO, YOU...
YOU HIGH SCHOOL CASA BLANCA.
- NO, BABE.
I'M DOING THIS FOR US.
I'M GONNA, LIKE,
OBSERVE THE WAY A BRAIN ACTS,
AND THEN WE COULD ACT THAT WAY
AND BE COOL TOO.
- OH, KEVIE.
YOU'RE SO SMART.
YOU'RE ALREADY A BRAIN
IN MY EYES.
- THANKS, BABE.
- ONLY QUINN COULD TURN
BEING SMART INTO A FAD.
- DON'T WORRY.
TODAY IT'S BRAINS.
TOMORROW, PIERCED TONGUES.
THEN THE NEXT DAY,
PIERCED BRAINS.
- WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE
IT'S GONNA GET HER ANYWHERE.
- SO THEN MR. O'NEILL SAID
I COULD SKIP THE REST
OF HIS CLASS
AND GO TO LUNCH EARLY
BECAUSE I WAS CATCHING ON
SO FAST.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
- YOU ASKED TO SEE ME.
- DARIA, YOU KNOW I'M
A BIG, BIG FAN OF YOUR WRITING,
BUT LATELY, IT'S SEEMED
KIND OF... I DON'T KNOW... FLAT.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE JAZZY.
- YOU WANT ME TO PUT IN
A DRUM SOLO?
- I WAS WONDERING HOW YOU'D FEEL
ABOUT SOME ONE-ON-ONE TUTORING?
SORT OF A MINI WRITING WORKSHOP.
THERE'S SOMEBODY
I WANT YOU TO MEET.
SHE SHOULD BE HERE ANY...
- HI, YOU WANTED ME
TO HELP... SOMEBODY.
- DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
- I SHOULD HAVE SAID,
"I DON'T NEED TUTORING
TO WRITE LIKE HER,
JUST SOME BIG CRAYONS."
- TOUGH DAY.
- I'M NOT LETTING IT GET TO ME.
- YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.
- LOOK, EVERYONE.
I WROTE ANOTHER POEM
WHILE I WAS EATING MY FRIES.
- HEY.
- MY TURN TO READ.
"THE GREASY FRY,
IT CANNOT LIE.
ITS TRUTH IS WRITTEN
ON YOUR THIGH."
- WOW.
QUINN, THAT'S AMAZING.
- BEAUTIFUL.
- GENIUS.
- I KNOW.
- HOLD IT.
I THINK I FEEL A POEM
COMING ON.
[belches]
SORRY, FALSE ALARM.
- YEAH, I MIGHT DO WRITING
FOR A CAREER.
IT'S NOT, LIKE, REAL WORK
OR ANYTHING.
- REALLY.
[chuckles]
I MEAN, HOW HARD IS IT
TO TYPE STUFF?
- AND THERE ARE LOTS
OF OPPORTUNITIES.
LIKE, DID YOU KNOW
THEY PAY MONEY FOR THOSE POEMS
INSIDE GREETING CARDS?
- OH, NO.
I'VE BEEN GIVING MY POEMS AWAY
FOR FREE.
- DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU?
- YEAH?
- CLOSE MY LOCKER.
[percussive new age music]
- DID A MIME CRAWL IN HERE
AND DIE?
- I'M PUTTING TOGETHER
AN OUTFIT.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
THIS IS HOW DEEP PEOPLE DRESS.
- YEAH, DEEPLY AFFECTED PEOPLE.
- THANK YOU.
BY THE WAY, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT "EXISTENTIAL" MEANS?
BECAUSE TODAY SOMEONE TOLD ME
MY WRITING WAS EXISTENTIAL,
SO I THOUGHT
I SHOULD COORDINATE,
YOU KNOW, WITH WARDROBE.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT CAMUS
WOULD HAVE DONE.
FOR YOUR PURPOSES,
"EXISTENTIAL" MEANS
PSEUDO INTELLECTUAL POSEUR
WITH ACCESSORIES
FROM THE STREET FAIR.
- LISTEN, I'M STILL AVAILABLE
IF YOU WANT HELP
WITH YOUR WRITING.
DOES THIS BLACK MATCH?
- MATCHES MY MOOD.
- COULD A RENEGADE SURGEON
TRANSPLANT YOUR BRAIN
WHILE YOU SLEEP?
THE FRIGHTENING TRUTH NEXT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU,
DARIA?
- [muffled] NO.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL RIGHT TO
HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART WITH DAD.
[laughs] I'VE BEEN KNOWN
TO DO A BIT OF THE OLD PARENTING
IN MY TIME.
- IT'S OKAY.
- WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
I'M UP ON THE ISSUES:
DRUGS, PEER PRESSURE.
IS IT A PROBLEM WITH YOUR GANG?
- IT'S MORE OF A PERSONAL ISSUE.
- IT'S NOT HYGIENE OR ANYTHING?
- DAD, LET'S SAY YOU HAVE
AN IDENTITY YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE.
- OH, SURE.
LIKE, ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP
MIDDLE-AGED
AND RESENTING
THE HELL OUT OF IT.
- UM, OKAY.
BUT EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T LIKE
THIS IDENTITY,
SOMEBODY SUDDENLY COMES ALONG
AND STEALS IT FROM YOU.
- AND YOU'RE UPSET.
YOU'VE EARNED THAT RESENTMENT.
IT'S YOUR RIGHT.
- WELL, IT'S MORE LIKE
YOU DIDN'T WANT THIS IDENTITY,
BUT IF THEY TAKE IT AWAY,
YOU'VE GOT NOTHING.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
- THEY TOOK YOUR IDENTITY,
DARIA?
THEN YOU WALK AWAY.
YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME.
MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE.
GET SOME I.D.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE
TO START OVER, DARIA.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE!
YOU'RE STILL A YOUNG MAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE
WITH YOUR MISTAKES.
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
- UM, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
SHAKE ME, ARE YOU?
- WHAT I MEANT WAS,
YOU HANG IN THERE,
AND EVERYTHING'S GONNA WORK OUT.
- YOU KNOW, DAD?
TALKING TO YOU
HAS ACTUALLY MADE ME
FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
- THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR,
KIDDO.
BACKUP SINGER, HA.
- YEAH, I JUST FOUND OUT
POEMS DON'T EVEN HAVE TO RHYME.
HOW EASY IS THAT?
- WHOA.
- WOW.
- THAT'S CRAZY.
- THAT'S GREAT.
- SHE'S SO SMART.
[suspenseful music]
- THERE'S A PROBLEM, QUINN.
WE NEED TO TALK.
- WHAT PROBLEM?
- IT SEEMS THAT OTHER GIRLS ARE
FOLLOWING YOUR WEIRDO EXAMPLE
AND ABANDONING
THEIR FASHION STATEMENTS
TO WEAR ALL BLACK.
- DRESSING IN BLACK
IS A FASHION STATEMENT.
IT'S DEEP.
IT'S MEANINGFUL.
AND IT'S SLENDERIZING.
- NOT ACCORDING TO THIS.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT EGGPLANT
IS THE CURRENT NEUTRAL.
- WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT
IF I HAVE INFLUENCE AROUND HERE.
PEOPLE ADMIRE ME FOR MY BRAINS.
- THAT'S NOT HOW
THE FASHION CLUB WORKS.
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY ORDERED
TO TAKE A FASHION SABBATICAL
UNTIL YOU GET
YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.
I'M CONCERNED ABOUT QUINN.
WE NEED SOMEONE CLOSE TO HER
TO MAKE HER SEE
THE ERROR OF HER WAYS.
- BUT WHO?
- I HAVE A PLAN.
WE'LL TALK TO THAT GIRL
SHE KNOWS.
- YOU'RE SO SMART, SANDI.
- AND YOU'LL NOTICE
I DON'T MAKE, LIKE,
A BIG THING ABOUT IT.
- BUT THAT GIRL IS SO WEIRD.
SHE FREAKS ME OUT.
- THAT'S WHY I'M PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB.
I'LL HANDLE HER.
UH, UM, UH.
ER.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
THAT WAS ABOUT?
- I SUPPOSE WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
- JANE, LOOK CAREFULLY.
HAVE I GROWN ANOTHER HEAD?
- HMM.
NO, JUST THE TWO.
- SEE YOU.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
- NOTHING.
- ANYTHING A LITTLE BRAINPOWER
COULD FIX?
- I THINK SHE'S HAD ABOUT
HER FILL OF THAT.
- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- I GUESS.
WHAT?
- YOU DON'T THINK I'M A BRAIN,
DO YOU?
- THE THOUGHT
NEVER CROSSED MY MIND.
- MINE EITHER.
I MEAN, I REALLY LIKE THE WAY
THIS IS GETTING TO DARIA,
BUT I'M STARTING TO FEEL
LIKE A PHONY.
- YOU'RE STARTING TO FEEL
LIKE A PHONY?
- SO I WROTE A STUPID ESSAY.
WHAT'S EVERYONE MAKING
SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, CONDITION
PEOPLE TO EXPECT NOTHING,
AND THE LEAST LITTLE SOMETHING
GETS THEM ALL EXCITED.
ASK PAVLOV.
- THE CUSTODIAN?
- WHOA.
NEVER MIND.
RETURN TO YOUR WORLD,
AND I'LL RETURN TO MINE.
- HMM.
BY THE WAY, ANYTHING
EATING AWAY AT YOUR SOUL?
- HER WRITING IS BAD.
DON'T PEOPLE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD?
- SHE'S CUTE.
THERE ARE DIFFERENT STANDARDS
FOR CUTE PEOPLE.
- YOU MEAN, NO STANDARDS.
- RIGHT.
- ISN'T THERE ANY TIME
WHEN HOW YOU LOOK
DOESN'T AFFECT
HOW YOU'RE JUDGED?
- WHEN YOU DONATE AN ORGAN,
UNLESS IT'S YOUR EYES.
LISTEN, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
- THE THING IS,
IF SHE'S A BRAIN,
WHAT DO I GET TO BE?
- YOU'RE STILL A BRAIN.
- YEAH, BUT SHE'S A BRAIN
WITH BOUNCY HAIR.
I CAN'T COMPETE.
- OKAY, THEN YOU GET TO BE
A SUPER BRAIN,
AN EVEN BIGGER OUTCAST
THAN BEFORE.
- I DON'T THINK I CAN SURVIVE
BEING A SUPER BRAIN.
- THEN SHE'S GOT TO BE STOPPED.
BUT HOW?
- OH, I KNOW HOW.
I JUST HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO
BRING MYSELF TO DO IT TILL NOW.
[school bell rings]
YES?
[nervous clamoring]
- WAIT.
- NO, IT'S A MISTAKE.
WE THOUGHT, UH...
- IF YOU SQUINTED HARD ENOUGH,
MAYBE I'D LOOK LIKE
A DIFFERENT MORGENDORFFER?
- UM...
- LOOK, DO YOU REALLY WANT
QUINN BACK?
- YES.
- A THOUSAND TIMES, YES.
- BRING HER BACK.
YOU GOT TO BRING HER BACK.
- [sighs] DO EXACTLY WHAT I SAY,
AND I'LL DELIVER THE GOODS.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
HI, COULD YOU GET ME A SODA?
[doorbell rings]
[door creaks open]
- HEY, DUDES.
- WHAT'S UP?
- QUINN!
YOUR DATES ARE HERE.
- ACTUALLY WE'RE HERE
TO ASK DARIA OUT.
- HUH?
- YOU KNOW,
YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER.
- BY THE WAY, HOW'S QUINN?
- SHUT UP, JAMIE.
- HI, QUINN.
- HI, DARIA.
- WELL, I'M OFF FOR MY DATES.
ONE, TWO...
- UH, WAIT!
YOU WIN, ALL RIGHT?
♪ ♪
YEAH, I DIDN'T EVEN WRITE
THE ESSAY.
I FOUND IT IN THE GARBAGE
AND HANDED IT IN.
AND THEN THE WHOLE THING
WAS LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN.
- WELL, THAT STILL DOESN'T
EXPLAIN THE BLACK CLOTHES,
BUT I GUESS I CAN LET IT SLIDE.
- DON'T WORRY.
I'M THROUGH BEING
AN INTELLECTUAL.
I'M TOO WELL-ADJUSTED.
- MESSING WITH THE MIND
CAN BE SO DANGEROUS.
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
- I GUESS THINGS
ARE BACK TO NORMAL.
- FASHION, GOOD.
THINKING, BAD.
- YEAH, WE WIN.
- I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- NOW, AS I'M HANDING BACK
YOUR ESSAYS,
YOU MAY HAVE STRONG FEELINGS
ABOUT THE COMPETITIVE
AND DISCOURAGING ASPECTS
OF GRADING.
I CARE ABOUT
WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
WHO WOULD LIKE TO START?
- IS AN F-PLUS THE SAME
AS A D-MINUS?
- I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER
HEARD OF AN F-PLUS, JORDAN,
BUT WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT.
- SO SHE SAID,
"I GOT THOSE EGGSHELL LEGGINGS
LIKE YOU TOLD ME."
AND I SAID, "EGGSHELL?
I TOLD YOU EGGPLANT."
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
[laughter]
- QUINN,
WAS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANTED TO SAY?
- UM... I DIDN'T GET
MY ESSAY BACK.
[school bell rings]
- THAT'S TRUE, QUINN.
I'M AFRAID I'LL NEED TO SEE YOU
AFTER CLASS.
- I'LL SAVE YOU A PLACE
AT THE MIRROR.
- QUINN, I'M SO SORRY,
BUT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT
YOUR PERFORMANCE.
- OKAY, BUT I'M KIND OF
IN A RUSH TODAY.
- LET'S GO OVER
OUR LAST ASSIGNMENT:
"HOW I FEEL
ABOUT POLYCULTURALISM."
YOU WROTE, "I DEFINITELY
PREFER ALL-COTTON."
- I DIDN'T COPY IT,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.
- NO, NO, I BELIEVE YOU.
THE THING IS...
NOW, I DON'T WANT
TO PANIC OR UPSET YOU.
PLEASE, TAKE THIS
IN A CONSTRUCTIVE SPIRIT,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOT
DOING WELL IN LANGUAGE ARTS.
- OKAY, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED AN "A"
ON YOUR NEXT ESSAY
TO MAINTAIN A PASSING GRADE.
- YOU MEAN "PASSING"
AS IN PASSING OR FAILING?
- YES, BUT DON'T WORRY.
ALL IT WILL TAKE IS
SOME COMMITMENT, DEDICATION,
AND HARD WORK.
- OH, NO!
- YOU CAN DO IT, QUINN.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING
TO BE ON THE GYMNASTICS TEAM,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T MASTER
THE HIGH BAR,
SO I PRACTICED EVERY DAY...
- AND THE BIG TRYOUT CAME,
AND YOU MADE THE TEAM.
- WELL, NO.
BUT THAT WINTER,
I LEARNED HOW TO WRITE
HOLDING A PENCIL IN MY TEETH.
- QUINN, WHAT IS
THE MEANING OF THIS?
I PUT IN ANOTHER 12-HOUR DAY,
AND THE FIRST THING I SEE
WHEN I GET HOME...
- [snoring]
- JAKE!
- HUH? I'M UP!
- WHERE ARE THE GIRLS?
- THEY WERE HERE BEFORE,
I THINK.
- I'M VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS.
- OH, YEAH, I KNOW.
SEE, I WAS TRYING TO CALL
THE NUMBER FOR MOVIEFONE,
AND OUT OF NOWHERE,
THIS WOMAN COMES ON THE LINE...
- JAKE, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
- THAT'S NOT THE PHONE BILL.
I... WHAT IS THAT?
- IT'S A LETTER
FROM QUINN'S TEACHER.
SHE'S GOING TO FAIL ENGLISH
BECAUSE SHE'S NOT PUTTING IN
ANY EFFORT.
I'M GOING UP TO TALK TO HER.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY CAN'T I EVER BE THE ONE
TO TALK TO THE GIRLS?
- HONEY, IT'S NOT
THAT YOU CAN'T.
IT'S JUST
A STRONG PARENTING TEAM
IS LIKE A SINGING GROUP.
THE LEAD SINGER
CARRIES THE TUNE,
AND THE BACKUP SINGERS
SUPPORT HER.
THAT'S YOU.
- BUT WHAT DO
THE BACKUP SINGERS DO?
- YOU CHIME IN
AT JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT,
AND THEN YOU FADE
INTO THE BACKGROUND.
DOESN'T THAT MAKE SENSE?
- DO I GET A TAMBOURINE
OR SOMETHING?
- MOM, CAN I BORROW...
UM, I'M JUST GONNA RUN DOWN
TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER
AND SEE ABOUT VOLUNTEERING.
I HEARD THEY GOT IN
A NEW BUNCH OF SICK BIRDS.
- QUINN, THIS NOTE
CAME FROM SCHOOL.
- DON'T WORRY.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET, LIKE,
AN "A" ON MY NEXT ESSAY,
AND I'M FINE.
- I'LL TAKE THE VEGAS ODDS
ON THAT ONE.
- DARIA, WE NEED TO BE
ENCOURAGING.
SIT DOWN, QUINN.
HONEY, THIS ISN'T JUST
ABOUT ONE ESSAY.
IT'S ABOUT SETTING GOALS IN LIFE
AND GOING AFTER THEM.
YOU KNOW,
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING
TO JOIN THE SWIM TEAM...
- NO!
NO!
PLEASE, NOT AGAIN.
- HUH?
- MOM, IF YOU'RE
GONNA REMINISCE,
I'M AFRAID I'LL BE FORCED
TO CALL SOCIAL SERVICES.
- ALL RIGHT, QUINN.
LET ME TRY TO PUT IT
ANOTHER WAY.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DECIDE
TO DO IN LIFE,
A SOLID EDUCATION...
- YOU GAVE THIS TALK
WHEN I GOT CAUGHT CUTTING MY...
WHEN I FORGOT
WHERE MY MATH CLASS WAS.
- HELEN, LET ME.
HONEY, DID YOU EVER HEAR
THE TALE OF THE ANT
AND THE GRASSHOPPER?
- EW!
BUGS?
- TRY IMAGINING IT
THIS WAY, QUINN.
- YOU COULD BE LEFT BACK
AND BE THE OLDEST FRESHMAN
IN LAWNDALE HIGH.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOT TO GET TO WORK. BYE.
- THAT'S MY GIRL.
- YOU SEE HOW IT'S DONE?
- DARIA?
ARE YOU IN THERE?
- NO, I'M TAKING IT EASY
IN TAHITI FOR A FEW DAYS.
[door creaks open]
HANG ON.
I'M JUST ORDERING ANOTHER TRAY
OF COCONUT DAIQUIRIS.
- UM, I WAS WONDERING IF...
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- I JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP
WITH MY ESSAY.
LIKE, COULD YOU WRITE IT FOR ME?
- AND WHAT'S
MY MOTIVATION AGAIN?
- COME ON, DARIA.
WE'RE SISTERS.
WE'VE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER.
- UNLESS WE'RE IN PUBLIC,
YOU MEAN.
- BUT YOU'RE SO SMART.
AND THIS ESSAY IS SO IMPORTANT.
BELIEVE ME,
I WOULD DO IT MYSELF,
BUT I HAVE A DATE.
- OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
WHEN DOES THE SUBJECT
OF COMPENSATION COME UP?
- $10?
- $20.
- $15.
- DONE.
- THANKS, DARIA.
THIS IS GONNA WORK OUT
FOR BOTH OF US.
I MEAN, I GET MY ESSAY WRITTEN,
AND FOR ONCE, YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO ON FRIDAY NIGHT
INSTEAD OF SITTING AROUND
LIKE A LOSER, YOU KNOW?
- THAT'S IT, SHAKESPEARE.
DO YOUR OWN DAMN HOMEWORK.
[doorbell rings]
- UM, IS THIS QUINN'S HOUSE?
- SOMEONE BY THAT NAME
DOES LIVE HERE.
- COOL.
- SHE'S UPSTAIRS
DOING SCHOOLWORK.
- I GOT TO PAY MORE ATTENTION
WHEN I GET THESE ADDRESSES.
- COREY?
I JUST CAME DOWN TO SAY
I CAN'T SEE YOU TONIGHT.
I HAVE TO WRITE AN ESSAY.
- [laughs] GOOD ONE.
COME ON.
I GOT A SPECIAL EVENING PLANNED.
LET'S GO BEFORE THERE'S A LINE
AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH.
- NO, REALLY, COREY.
I HAVE WORK TO DO,
AND YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
SORRY.
- QUINN, WHAT HAVE THEY
DONE TO YOU?
- DID YOU JUST SPEND TWO HOURS
DRESSING UP TO GO TO THE DOOR
FOR ONE MINUTE
AND DUMP YOUR DATE?
- DARIA, IF YOU LOOK YOUR BEST
WHEN YOU BLOW A GUY OFF,
IT MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE YOU CARE.
- WELL, THAT ADVICE
SHOULD PROVE VERY HELPFUL.
SOMETIMES YOUR SHALLOWNESS
IS SO THOROUGH,
IT'S ALMOST LIKE DEPTH.
- THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, $20.
- NOPE.
- FINE!
I HOPE YOU REALIZE YOU'RE
MAKING ME DO MY OWN HOMEWORK.
- THAT IS A SCARY THOUGHT.
[school bell rings]
- I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE,
EVERYONE.
ONE OF OUR STUDENTS
HAS SO IMPROVED
SINCE LAST WEEK'S ESSAY,
I'M GONNA SHARE HER WORK
WITH THE CLASS.
- I REALLY LIKE THOSE LEGGINGS.
- YEAH, BUT NOW I HAVE
A SHOE THING.
STRAPPIES?
- PLATFORM JELLIES.
- QUINN, YOU'RE SO SMART.
- ONLY ABOUT IMPORTANT STUFF.
- QUINN.
- UM, I DIDN'T GET
MY PAPER BACK.
- THAT'S RIGHT, QUINN,
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
READ IT ALOUD.
- OH, NO.
- "ACADEMIC IMPRISONMENT,"
BY QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
"SO GO AHEAD,
"LOCK ME UP WITH YOUR HOMEWORK
AND YOUR TESTS.
"ROB MY FREEDOM WITH
YOUR READING AND YOUR THINKING.
"AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
"THE ONLY DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SCHOOL AND PRISON
"IS THE WARDROBE,
"OR DO YOU WANT TO TAKE AWAY
MY OUTFITS TOO?
THE END."
WOW.
WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SHARE
THEIR REACTION?
- MAY I PLEASE CHANGE SCHOOLS?
- THERE.
NOW IT'S ON FULL DISPLAY.
- QUITE THE DOOR
OF ACHIEVEMENT.
- COME ON, KIDDO.
YOU WANT TO ENCOURAGE
YOUR SISTER, DON'T YOU?
- TO GET HER OWN PLACE, YEAH.
- HEY, IT'S MY DAUGHTER,
THE GENIUS.
- OUR OWN ACADEMIC ACHIEVER.
- WE'RE ALL SO PROUD OF YOU.
AREN'T WE, DARIA?
- SURE.
IF YOU MEAN "PROUD"
AS IN STUNNED.
- MOM, DAD,
MAKING YOU HAPPY
IS THE GREATEST REWARD
I COULD ASK FOR.
OF COURSE, WHEN OTHER KIDS
GET A GOOD GRADE,
THEY SOMETIMES GET, LIKE,
A LITTLE PRESENT.
- NOW, QUINN, I REALLY THINK...
- I'LL HANDLE THIS.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
SWEETHEART.
YOU GOT AN "A."
YOU SHOULD BE REWARDED.
HERE YOU GO.
- THANKS, DAD.
- WAIT, ISN'T THAT
A DOUBLE STANDARD?
- HUH?
- YOU JUST GAVE HER A $20
FOR GETTING ONE "A."
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE "A" s
I GET FOR FREE?
- YEAH, BUT THIS IS
A SPECIAL OCCASION,
SO QUINN GETS
A SPECIAL REWARD.
IT'S A MOTIVATIONAL THING.
- BUT WON'T THAT DEMOTIVATE
YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER
WHOSE WORK
IS CONSISTENTLY GOOD?
- YES, JAKE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS?
- I WASN'T FINISHED.
DARIA SHOULD HAVE
A CONSISTENT REWARD
FOR HER CONSISTENTLY GOOD WORK.
- HEY!
- AND QUINN SHOULD HAVE
A SPECIAL ONE-TIME REWARD
FOR HER ONE-TIME EFFORT.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT
A HIGHER REWARD
FOR MAINTAINING A STANDARD
OF EXCELLENCE OVER TIME?
PERHAPS WITH COMPOUND INTEREST?
- HERE, JUST TAKE IT.
HELEN, I TOLD YOU I WAS NO GOOD
AT THIS PARENTING CRAP.
- HEY, QUINN, YOU'RE FAMOUS.
- OH, YOU GUYS.
I'M JUST REALLY POPULAR.
- HE'S TALKING ABOUT YOUR ESSAY
IN THE LAWNDALE LOWDOWN.
- THE SCHOOL PAPER?
- IT'S IN THE SMART THOUGHTS
COLUMN.
- I'M RUINED.
- "ACADEMIC IMPRISONMENT,"
BY QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
- IT'S GREAT, ISN'T IT?
- "NO LIGHT SHINES THROUGH
THESE FOUR BRICK WALLS.
"FOR THE SCHOOL IS MY PRISON
AND ITS TEACHERS,
MY IMPRISONERS."
- I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THE WORD "IMPRISONERS" EXISTED.
- YEAH, BUT NOW I CAN'T WAIT
TO USE IT.
WHY EXACTLY IS THIS GREAT?
- BECAUSE NOW QUINN'S
GOING TO SEE FIRSTHAND
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
TO BE A BRAIN.
- LISTEN TO THIS:
"LIKE A HAMSTER
ON ONE OF THOSE WHEEL THINGS,
"SCHOOL RUNS US
AROUND AND AROUND
"UNTIL WE YEARN
FOR THE LITTLE FOOD PELLET.
BUT ONLY MORE HOMEWORK AWAITS."
YOU KNOW,
IT'S LIKE SHE READ MY MIND.
- RIGHT AFTER YOU SUFFERED
A SEVERE BLOW TO THE HEAD.
- COULD YOU PUT THAT AWAY?
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
BOMB SCARE AT YOUR TABLE?
- KEEP IT DOWN, OKAY?
I'M TRYING TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE
SINCE THE PAPER CAME OUT.
- LUCKY FOR YOU
THE PULITZER COMMITTEE
ALREADY FINISHED EATING.
- THEY HAD THE MEATLOAF.
- HA.
- YOU MUST BE VERY EXCITED
ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE
ARE CALLING YOU.
- WHAT?
- BRAINS MORGENDORFFER.
- COME ON.
BECAUSE OF ONE LITTLE ESSAY?
- IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE.
BEHOLD THE FUTURE.
- [splutters]
[laughter]
- EW.
- LAST WEEK, THEY WERE
TRYING OUT FOR FOOTBALL.
THEN THEY WON
ONE DEBATE TOURNAMENT.
- WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I CAN'T BE A BRAIN.
MY FRIENDS WILL HATE ME.
- YES, BUT JUST THINK OF ALL
THE NEW FRIENDS YOU'LL MAKE
IN CHESS CLUB.
- MAYBE I CAN STEAL
ALL THE NEWSPAPERS
BEFORE ANYONE ELSE READS THEM.
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, BRAINS.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE LUNCH
THIS PERIOD, DO YOU?
- OF COURSE NOT.
I CUT SCIENCE TO TALK TO YOU.
YOU THINK I'D SIT WITH YOU
WHILE MY GRADE IS AT LUNCH?
- ABOUT THAT BEING MISTAKEN
FOR A BRAIN THING.
I WOULDN'T WORRY TOO MUCH
ABOUT IT.
[school bell rings]
- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STUDY
DURING STUDY HALL ANYWAY?
- QUINN'S TUTORING ME
IN ENGLISH
SO I CAN STAY
ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM.
MR. O'NEILL SET IT UP.
- KEVIE, I COULD TUTOR YOU.
I SPEAK ENGLISH TOO, YOU KNOW.
- BABE, I'VE GOT A PLAN.
- I'LL BET YOU DO, YOU...
YOU HIGH SCHOOL CASA BLANCA.
- NO, BABE.
I'M DOING THIS FOR US.
I'M GONNA, LIKE,
OBSERVE THE WAY A BRAIN ACTS,
AND THEN WE COULD ACT THAT WAY
AND BE COOL TOO.
- OH, KEVIE.
YOU'RE SO SMART.
YOU'RE ALREADY A BRAIN
IN MY EYES.
- THANKS, BABE.
- ONLY QUINN COULD TURN
BEING SMART INTO A FAD.
- DON'T WORRY.
TODAY IT'S BRAINS.
TOMORROW, PIERCED TONGUES.
THEN THE NEXT DAY,
PIERCED BRAINS.
- WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE
IT'S GONNA GET HER ANYWHERE.
- SO THEN MR. O'NEILL SAID
I COULD SKIP THE REST
OF HIS CLASS
AND GO TO LUNCH EARLY
BECAUSE I WAS CATCHING ON
SO FAST.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
- YOU ASKED TO SEE ME.
- DARIA, YOU KNOW I'M
A BIG, BIG FAN OF YOUR WRITING,
BUT LATELY, IT'S SEEMED
KIND OF... I DON'T KNOW... FLAT.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE JAZZY.
- YOU WANT ME TO PUT IN
A DRUM SOLO?
- I WAS WONDERING HOW YOU'D FEEL
ABOUT SOME ONE-ON-ONE TUTORING?
SORT OF A MINI WRITING WORKSHOP.
THERE'S SOMEBODY
I WANT YOU TO MEET.
SHE SHOULD BE HERE ANY...
- HI, YOU WANTED ME
TO HELP... SOMEBODY.
- DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
- I SHOULD HAVE SAID,
"I DON'T NEED TUTORING
TO WRITE LIKE HER,
JUST SOME BIG CRAYONS."
- TOUGH DAY.
- I'M NOT LETTING IT GET TO ME.
- YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.
- LOOK, EVERYONE.
I WROTE ANOTHER POEM
WHILE I WAS EATING MY FRIES.
- HEY.
- MY TURN TO READ.
"THE GREASY FRY,
IT CANNOT LIE.
ITS TRUTH IS WRITTEN
ON YOUR THIGH."
- WOW.
QUINN, THAT'S AMAZING.
- BEAUTIFUL.
- GENIUS.
- I KNOW.
- HOLD IT.
I THINK I FEEL A POEM
COMING ON.
[belches]
SORRY, FALSE ALARM.
- YEAH, I MIGHT DO WRITING
FOR A CAREER.
IT'S NOT, LIKE, REAL WORK
OR ANYTHING.
- REALLY.
[chuckles]
I MEAN, HOW HARD IS IT
TO TYPE STUFF?
- AND THERE ARE LOTS
OF OPPORTUNITIES.
LIKE, DID YOU KNOW
THEY PAY MONEY FOR THOSE POEMS
INSIDE GREETING CARDS?
- OH, NO.
I'VE BEEN GIVING MY POEMS AWAY
FOR FREE.
- DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU?
- YEAH?
- CLOSE MY LOCKER.
[percussive new age music]
- DID A MIME CRAWL IN HERE
AND DIE?
- I'M PUTTING TOGETHER
AN OUTFIT.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
THIS IS HOW DEEP PEOPLE DRESS.
- YEAH, DEEPLY AFFECTED PEOPLE.
- THANK YOU.
BY THE WAY, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT "EXISTENTIAL" MEANS?
BECAUSE TODAY SOMEONE TOLD ME
MY WRITING WAS EXISTENTIAL,
SO I THOUGHT
I SHOULD COORDINATE,
YOU KNOW, WITH WARDROBE.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT CAMUS
WOULD HAVE DONE.
FOR YOUR PURPOSES,
"EXISTENTIAL" MEANS
PSEUDO INTELLECTUAL POSEUR
WITH ACCESSORIES
FROM THE STREET FAIR.
- LISTEN, I'M STILL AVAILABLE
IF YOU WANT HELP
WITH YOUR WRITING.
DOES THIS BLACK MATCH?
- MATCHES MY MOOD.
- COULD A RENEGADE SURGEON
TRANSPLANT YOUR BRAIN
WHILE YOU SLEEP?
THE FRIGHTENING TRUTH NEXT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU,
DARIA?
- [muffled] NO.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL RIGHT TO
HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART WITH DAD.
[laughs] I'VE BEEN KNOWN
TO DO A BIT OF THE OLD PARENTING
IN MY TIME.
- IT'S OKAY.
- WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
I'M UP ON THE ISSUES:
DRUGS, PEER PRESSURE.
IS IT A PROBLEM WITH YOUR GANG?
- IT'S MORE OF A PERSONAL ISSUE.
- IT'S NOT HYGIENE OR ANYTHING?
- DAD, LET'S SAY YOU HAVE
AN IDENTITY YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE.
- OH, SURE.
LIKE, ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP
MIDDLE-AGED
AND RESENTING
THE HELL OUT OF IT.
- UM, OKAY.
BUT EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T LIKE
THIS IDENTITY,
SOMEBODY SUDDENLY COMES ALONG
AND STEALS IT FROM YOU.
- AND YOU'RE UPSET.
YOU'VE EARNED THAT RESENTMENT.
IT'S YOUR RIGHT.
- WELL, IT'S MORE LIKE
YOU DIDN'T WANT THIS IDENTITY,
BUT IF THEY TAKE IT AWAY,
YOU'VE GOT NOTHING.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
- THEY TOOK YOUR IDENTITY,
DARIA?
THEN YOU WALK AWAY.
YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME.
MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE.
GET SOME I.D.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE
TO START OVER, DARIA.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE!
YOU'RE STILL A YOUNG MAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE
WITH YOUR MISTAKES.
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
- UM, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
SHAKE ME, ARE YOU?
- WHAT I MEANT WAS,
YOU HANG IN THERE,
AND EVERYTHING'S GONNA WORK OUT.
- YOU KNOW, DAD?
TALKING TO YOU
HAS ACTUALLY MADE ME
FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
- THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR,
KIDDO.
BACKUP SINGER, HA.
- YEAH, I JUST FOUND OUT
POEMS DON'T EVEN HAVE TO RHYME.
HOW EASY IS THAT?
- WHOA.
- WOW.
- THAT'S CRAZY.
- THAT'S GREAT.
- SHE'S SO SMART.
[suspenseful music]
- THERE'S A PROBLEM, QUINN.
WE NEED TO TALK.
- WHAT PROBLEM?
- IT SEEMS THAT OTHER GIRLS ARE
FOLLOWING YOUR WEIRDO EXAMPLE
AND ABANDONING
THEIR FASHION STATEMENTS
TO WEAR ALL BLACK.
- DRESSING IN BLACK
IS A FASHION STATEMENT.
IT'S DEEP.
IT'S MEANINGFUL.
AND IT'S SLENDERIZING.
- NOT ACCORDING TO THIS.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT EGGPLANT
IS THE CURRENT NEUTRAL.
- WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT
IF I HAVE INFLUENCE AROUND HERE.
PEOPLE ADMIRE ME FOR MY BRAINS.
- THAT'S NOT HOW
THE FASHION CLUB WORKS.
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY ORDERED
TO TAKE A FASHION SABBATICAL
UNTIL YOU GET
YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.
I'M CONCERNED ABOUT QUINN.
WE NEED SOMEONE CLOSE TO HER
TO MAKE HER SEE
THE ERROR OF HER WAYS.
- BUT WHO?
- I HAVE A PLAN.
WE'LL TALK TO THAT GIRL
SHE KNOWS.
- YOU'RE SO SMART, SANDI.
- AND YOU'LL NOTICE
I DON'T MAKE, LIKE,
A BIG THING ABOUT IT.
- BUT THAT GIRL IS SO WEIRD.
SHE FREAKS ME OUT.
- THAT'S WHY I'M PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB.
I'LL HANDLE HER.
UH, UM, UH.
ER.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
THAT WAS ABOUT?
- I SUPPOSE WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
- JANE, LOOK CAREFULLY.
HAVE I GROWN ANOTHER HEAD?
- HMM.
NO, JUST THE TWO.
- SEE YOU.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
- NOTHING.
- ANYTHING A LITTLE BRAINPOWER
COULD FIX?
- I THINK SHE'S HAD ABOUT
HER FILL OF THAT.
- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- I GUESS.
WHAT?
- YOU DON'T THINK I'M A BRAIN,
DO YOU?
- THE THOUGHT
NEVER CROSSED MY MIND.
- MINE EITHER.
I MEAN, I REALLY LIKE THE WAY
THIS IS GETTING TO DARIA,
BUT I'M STARTING TO FEEL
LIKE A PHONY.
- YOU'RE STARTING TO FEEL
LIKE A PHONY?
- SO I WROTE A STUPID ESSAY.
WHAT'S EVERYONE MAKING
SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, CONDITION
PEOPLE TO EXPECT NOTHING,
AND THE LEAST LITTLE SOMETHING
GETS THEM ALL EXCITED.
ASK PAVLOV.
- THE CUSTODIAN?
- WHOA.
NEVER MIND.
RETURN TO YOUR WORLD,
AND I'LL RETURN TO MINE.
- HMM.
BY THE WAY, ANYTHING
EATING AWAY AT YOUR SOUL?
- HER WRITING IS BAD.
DON'T PEOPLE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD?
- SHE'S CUTE.
THERE ARE DIFFERENT STANDARDS
FOR CUTE PEOPLE.
- YOU MEAN, NO STANDARDS.
- RIGHT.
- ISN'T THERE ANY TIME
WHEN HOW YOU LOOK
DOESN'T AFFECT
HOW YOU'RE JUDGED?
- WHEN YOU DONATE AN ORGAN,
UNLESS IT'S YOUR EYES.
LISTEN, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
- THE THING IS,
IF SHE'S A BRAIN,
WHAT DO I GET TO BE?
- YOU'RE STILL A BRAIN.
- YEAH, BUT SHE'S A BRAIN
WITH BOUNCY HAIR.
I CAN'T COMPETE.
- OKAY, THEN YOU GET TO BE
A SUPER BRAIN,
AN EVEN BIGGER OUTCAST
THAN BEFORE.
- I DON'T THINK I CAN SURVIVE
BEING A SUPER BRAIN.
- THEN SHE'S GOT TO BE STOPPED.
BUT HOW?
- OH, I KNOW HOW.
I JUST HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO
BRING MYSELF TO DO IT TILL NOW.
[school bell rings]
YES?
[nervous clamoring]
- WAIT.
- NO, IT'S A MISTAKE.
WE THOUGHT, UH...
- IF YOU SQUINTED HARD ENOUGH,
MAYBE I'D LOOK LIKE
A DIFFERENT MORGENDORFFER?
- UM...
- LOOK, DO YOU REALLY WANT
QUINN BACK?
- YES.
- A THOUSAND TIMES, YES.
- BRING HER BACK.
YOU GOT TO BRING HER BACK.
- [sighs] DO EXACTLY WHAT I SAY,
AND I'LL DELIVER THE GOODS.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
HI, COULD YOU GET ME A SODA?
[doorbell rings]
[door creaks open]
- HEY, DUDES.
- WHAT'S UP?
- QUINN!
YOUR DATES ARE HERE.
- ACTUALLY WE'RE HERE
TO ASK DARIA OUT.
- HUH?
- YOU KNOW,
YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER.
- BY THE WAY, HOW'S QUINN?
- SHUT UP, JAMIE.
- HI, QUINN.
- HI, DARIA.
- WELL, I'M OFF FOR MY DATES.
ONE, TWO...
- UH, WAIT!
YOU WIN, ALL RIGHT?
♪ ♪
YEAH, I DIDN'T EVEN WRITE
THE ESSAY.
I FOUND IT IN THE GARBAGE
AND HANDED IT IN.
AND THEN THE WHOLE THING
WAS LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN.
- WELL, THAT STILL DOESN'T
EXPLAIN THE BLACK CLOTHES,
BUT I GUESS I CAN LET IT SLIDE.
- DON'T WORRY.
I'M THROUGH BEING
AN INTELLECTUAL.
I'M TOO WELL-ADJUSTED.
- MESSING WITH THE MIND
CAN BE SO DANGEROUS.
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
- I GUESS THINGS
ARE BACK TO NORMAL.
- FASHION, GOOD.
THINKING, BAD.
- YEAH, WE WIN.
- I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪