Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 9, Episode 4 - Episode #9.4 - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Salman Rushdie told
me to live my life.

And, you know, I'm not thinking
about it as much as I used to,

and so far, so good.

That's great.

Oh, I know what I wanted
to talk to you about.

I'm having this dream.

- Right.
- I've had it, like, three times.

I'm in this room and there's
all these virgins...

beautiful virgins, my God...

- and they all wanna have sex with me.
- Wow.

And I count... I keep
counting them up,

and I can only count 71.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
I'm counting with my head...

7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12...

Sometimes I'll start over...
one, two, three, four...

Right, the head count.

Are you expecting more or less?

I'm expecting 72.

What if you just miscounted?

That's a possibility.

So, were you tempted
to have sex with them?

Well, I wanted to,
but I was too concerned

with the missing 72nd.

- That was the issue.
- What's interesting to me

is that I find you're focused
on the number of women

who apparently are very
interested in you, and yet...

Larry, you seem preoccupied.

I'm just wondering...

have you ever noticed the
disparity in these two chairs?

Your chair is so much
better than this one.

This is not a comfortable
chair at all.

Did... did you buy
these chairs?

Yes, I... I bought
both of them.

- You picked out both of them?
- I picked them out, yeah.

What was going through your head
when you picked out this chair?

You picked out a great
chair for yourself.

That's a gorgeous chair.

I would have that in my house.

But this one,
it's not comfortable.

I'm constantly shifting
from side to side.

You have the comfortable chair.

You have taken the good chair.

It's interesting...
you are the first and only patient

who has ever said anything
negative about that chair.

I don't find that
interesting at all.

Well, I do, and that's my job...
to find things interesting.

- Well...
- Interesting with the chair.

I don't know what you're
writing over there.

Chair issues.

I think there's
something deeper.

I don't think you're
writing anything.

- No, I could show you.
- Huh?

- I could show you.
- I mean, you're a nice man,

but, you know, do you...
do you do that much?

- Between you and me?
- Don't you think that I do

a significant amount
of help to you?

- Eh, no.
- Really?

May I be honest with you?

I hope that you can always
be honest with me.

Well, I'm often never
honest with you,

but here's what I'm proposing.

I think you should
go chair shopping.

I think you need another chair.

And you know what else? I'm willing
to go chair shopping with you.

Will you think about it?

I don't know, but I do know
that the session is over,

and so we'll have to
pick this up next time.

It's tough for you to have to
look at that watch, isn't it?

It must be a little awkward.
You know I see it.

I know you see it.
I'm not trying to sneak it.

You can't... you're trying to
do a little sneaky watch peek.

I'm not trying to do
a sneaky watch peek,

I'm trying to be
efficient with our time.

Why don't you put
a clock behind me

so you can have a clock,
you know, when the time's up?

- But, okay.
- Nevertheless, it is... it is over,

and I'm looking forward to
seeing you again next week.

So, uh, you got big plans
for the weekend?

This weekend and all
through next week

my wife and I go out every single
night to a different restaurant

because it's truffle season.

- It's wonderful. Do you like truffles?
- No, I loathe them.

They're disgusting.
Oh, to each his own.

- To each his own.
- Yeah.

Okay. Thank you, Larry.

Okay. And, by the way, any time you
wanna get rid of me as a patient,

just say, "I've had enough."

It'll be...
it'll be okay with me.

Oh, dear God.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Hey! How about this?

I don't even know how to react.

It's unbelievable.

So, uh, over at the
table over there,

the young lady
in the red dress?

Yeah, yeah,
I saw her earlier.

She is a big-time
real estate agent.

- Yeah?
- Okay, yes.

You looking for a house?

Well, I'm gonna go out
looking for houses,

but I'm not looking
for a house.


What a diabolical plan this is.

It's a date, but they
don't know it's a date.

- Yes!
- And if I want another date,

I just go, "You know what?
This house doesn't appeal to me.

Tomorrow, are you good
to see another house?"

- Doesn't cost you a nickel.
- Nope. Nope.

She's excited to be with me.
She wants to please me.

- She wants to please you.
- Yeah.

- Oh, hey. Look at this.
- Thank you. I appreciate it.

- Thank you very much.
- Oh, ho, ho!

They love me!
They're loving it!

- Ah!
- Thank you very much.

- Congratulations.
- You don't have to buy any of them.

- You know...
- Well, I wasn't gonna buy any,

but, still, I can
congratulate you.

Are you vying for the title

of the most pretentious
man in the world?

- What, this?
- Yes.

I've had this for decades.

It looks like the Little
Drummer Boy's funeral.

- This is what he's wearing in the casket.
- Mm-hmm, that's very funny.

I never showed you
my paintings at home

because I knew you would, you know,
just mock me and destroy me, so...

- a big night for me.
- Anyway, congratulations.

- Congratulations.
- This is quite a display here.

- Do you understand any of it?
- No.

No, it's very confusing.

- You don't under...
- I don't think you do either.

Let me show you one,
a painting I just sold.

I'm very excited.

Then maybe you could explain
the mystery of that one.

I will.
This is one of my favorites.

Yeah, so I sold this
to a restaurant,

and I'm really proud of it.

- Who is that?
- It's a self-portrait.

That's you?

What do you think a self
portrait means? Yeah, that's me.

That's like you
from 50 years ago!

- No, this is me now.
- What?

You honestly feel
you look like that?


You know what?

I think I want a portrait
by Richard Lewis.

Yeah, well, look,
he's gonna make you look great.

Maybe you could
paint me with hair.

- Hey.
- Hey!

Did you hear about Marty
Funkhouser's nephew, Kenny?

- Yeah.
- He died.

- Unbelievable.
- It's so sad.

I know.

He was supposed to be
going to Stanford.

- Yeah.
- You heard what happened, right?

- He got mixed up with a prostitute.
- Prostitute, right.

- Mm-hmm.
- Followed her to Europe.


Ended up going to Pamplona
to run with the bulls.

- And got trampled.
- I know.

How does a young boy get
involved with a prostitute?

Well, I can only surmise

that he was in need of a
prostitute for some reason,

he met with the prostitute,

..and he was in love with her
and followed her over there.

- How do you know these details?
- I'm just putting two and two together.

Where's the two and two?

Well, two and two...
you got a high school senior,

he has an experience
with a prostitute,

and then is so enamored, that he...
he follows her all the way to Spain.

Again, very detailed.

No, I'm just putting two and two
together, that's all.

Again, I don't see
the two and two.

Oh, there's two and
there's another two.

- It's one and one together.
- It doesn't really add up.

- Honestly. It's too much.
- It's shocking.

- It's shocking.
- He got trampled to death.

Well, that's not so shocking.

You're running with the bulls.

It'd be shocking
if he didn't die.

- That's... that's the shock.
- What?

It's what men do.
They want to impress girls,

so they do crazy
stuff like that.

He wanted to impress
the prostitute?

Yeah, usually, you don't
have to impress a prostitute.

Well, remember...
remember when we were dating

and we went horseback riding,

and I galloped and
almost fell off?

I was just trying
to impress you.

Yeah, but she's
not a prostitute.

- But I was having sex with her.
- But you weren't paying her for it.

- Okay.
- Right, right.

- Oh.
- Marty, I am so sorry.

- So sorry to hear about Kenny.
- Thank you, thank you.

Really sorry.

It's the worst thing that's
happened to me in my life.

- I mean, he's like a son I never had.
- Mm.

Although, my daughter
is transitioning.

- Ah. How's that going?
- So far, so good.

You know, I saw her a couple of
weeks ago. She looked pretty good.

- Yeah, well, she's a he now, so.
- Yeah, he.

When... when does
she get the penis?

He's talking about it.
It takes time to decide.

Well, if he gets the penis,
do they throw in the balls?

Marty, I'm so sorry
about Kenny.

Is there anything we can do?

I'd love you to come
to the memorial.

- Oh, we wouldn't miss it.
- I appreciate it.

Sorry, we have an
early dinner to go to.

Dinner? It's 3:30.

- Dinner?
- Hey, you better be at the memorial.

Oh, one sec.

Hey, Cheryl, um,
let me ask you a question.

When you're at
Dr. Templeton's office...

we share the same therapist...

you ever notice how his chair
is so much better and bigger

than that dinky chair
that he gives to us?

I've never thought about the
chair when I was in therapy.

What... what do you
think about that?

I'm just so happy you're seeing
somebody, pal, I really do.

I think it's great.
Do you like him?

I'm only seeing him because of the
whole fatwa business, that's all.

Believe me.

Well, don't make me sorry that
I recommended him to you.

I'm not talking about you.

- Okay.
- Are you talking about me?

- We should go. Yeah.
- Yeah.

All I'm saying is
next time you're there,

just be kind of aware
of the chairs

and the striking difference
between the two,

and tell me that
I'm not crazy.

Uh, we do have
reservations at Mélisse.

- Do you know Mélisse? Ah!
- Mélisse?

Good choice.
It's truffle season.


How do you know
it's truffle season?

Dr. Templeton told me.

What do you talk about
in your sessions?

- That's okay. That's okay. Okay.
- He loves truffles!

Ay, dah!

There's not enough room to get my
hand in there to get the penis out.

I've never really come
across this problem before.

Can't get my penis
out of my pants?

Have you ever heard
of a short fly?

And I'm not gonna unbutton and
have them drop on the floor.

Look, here's a solution...

index finger,
you take it, you go down,

put it in your zipper,
press down on the shaft,

allows your head to pop up.

- Pop up by itself.
- Huh.

- Press, pop up.
- Like tiddlywinks.

Yeah, like tiddlywinks.

Those pants might've
been manufactured

in a country that has
small penises.

So these pants fit the penis
from whence they came.

You're goddamn right.

Why would they make a little fly
in a country with big-ass dicks?

See, I'ma tell you,
I don't have that problem

'cause I buy my shit
from Jamaica.

My pants are slacks.

The manufacturer,
he makes jeans

for people with big-ass
fucking johnsons, like me.

- Wow.
- When I go to the bathroom

and I sit down on the toilet,

my johnson hangs in the water.

That's just such nonsense.

What are you
saying that for?

I sit on the fucking toilet,

my shit goes under the water

like... like this.

It's almost like
it grabs its fucking head

and just like...
and it goes in like this.

- Bullshit.
- All the fucking time.

- Penis touching the... hey!
- When I sit down...


Front door was unlocked.

- What?
- What?

You left the door
unlocked again?

We never had that
conversation, ever.

I gotta talk to you quickly.

You're having lunch
with Lewis, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay, get there early.

Oh, yeah, 'cause he takes
the good seat, yeah.

What's wrong with him?

I've never had lunch
with him in 20 years

where I haven't been
looking at a wall.

I say trick him the next time
in terms of what time lunch is.

No, I'm just gonna show up
a half hour earlier.

Uh, can we just have
a moment alone?

Once I start laughing,
I'm a part of this shit.

Get the fuck out.
You heard him.

- It's all good.
- Yeah.

Let you handle your business.

I'm trying to be casual,

but it's really difficult.

Remember the realtor
from the art gallery?

- Yeah.
- Well, she had an open house,

and let's just say it stayed
open a little longer for me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- You had sex with her in an open house?
- In an open house.

- That's unbelievable.
- Unbelievable.

And you know they have
cookies at the open houses.


Brought the cookies up with me,
so we had sex...

- Oh, my God.
- ...I had some cookies, took a nap.

- On what?
- Well, they have the staging furniture.

- Wow.
- Oh, wow, mm.

- Why? What?
- What are you doing,

listening in
to our conversation?

Fuck, yeah, I was.

He's listening
to the whole thing?


You said leave, you didn't
say I couldn't come back.

Now tell me where that
fucking house is at.

So, now I'm having
this nightmare.

I'm in this room,
maybe it's a hall of some kind,

I can't really tell,
and there's a lot of people,

it's very crowded, and I'm
feeling a lot of anxiety.

And then all of a sudden,
I look up at this balcony

and... and I see this guy,

and he's wearing a big coat,

and I know this is it,
this is the fatwa!

This is it and I can't get out,
I'm trapped!

Can I stop you right there
for a second?

Can I tell you what
is really on my mind?

I have a little
bit of an issue.

- Please.
- Cheryl was in just the other day...


...and she brought me a gift.

You see this lovely
assortment of truffle oils?

Huh, what do you know
about that?

How did Cheryl know

that my wife and
I love truffles?

You told Cheryl.

Yeah, I told her you...
you love truffles, yeah.

There's been a breach of the
patient-doctor confidentiality.

There's no such thing as
patient-doctor confidentiality.

I think what you're
referring to

is doctor-patient

and that's a whole
different ball game.

Larry, what I try
to create here

is a circle of trust.

And... can I have
your arms for a second?

I'd rather not.

All right. Well,
then I'll do it with my own arms.

- Yeah, use your own arms.
- Here it is like this...

- Yeah.
- ...and it creates a circle.

- Mm-hmm.
- And quite frankly,

nothing should
leave this circle.

It should be ironclad.

All right,
I... I apologize

if I betrayed
your confidence in any way,

and you have my word

that it will never,
ever happen again.

Larry, I think
this is a breakthrough.

No, it's not
a breakthrough.

I think it's a breakthrough.

It's not a breakthrough.

I'm pretty sure
it's a breakthrough.

I'm gonna write down

You writing down "breakthrough"
is just a waste of everybody's time.

That whole pad,
you might as well throw it...

- there's nothing in that pad.
- "Breakthrough."

Anything else on your mind?

You know, I've got
these pants, okay,

and they have a short fly.

Very hard to, uh,
extricate the penis.

You ever had a pair
of pants like that

where you can't get
your penis out?

Once, I think, a while ago,

and someone told me of a method...

I think you unzip,

you dive down
with your index finger,

- and... pop up.
- Pops up.

- The tiddlywink...
- Tiddlywink!

- Yeah!
- Yeah. That might work.

My friend told me
the same thing.

Listen, Barneys Warehouse
is having a sale...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...and I'm sure they have

a variety of long-fly slacks.

All right, maybe
I'll check it out.

Well, I see that
it is time to go.

Do you know how I know that?

Wait a second!

Ho, ho! Look at that!

Ah! I cannot tell you
how happy I am about that.

It has made my life easier.

You see?
Everything's working.

All we gotta do
is fix these chairs.

I will call you first if I ever
decide to go chair shopping.

- Excellent.
- Thank you.

- All right.
- All right, Larry.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.
Welcome to Rustic Canyon.

I have a reservation
for David.

I'm about, uh,
20 minutes early.


Ah, the rest of your party
has already arrived.

It's unbelievable.

- How long's he been here?
- About 10 minutes.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

- Okay, thank you.
- Enjoy.

- Did you get here early enough?
- I got here when I got here.

I'm here 20 minutes early,

and he said you were here
10 minutes before me.

That puts you here a half
hour before the reservation.

Well, you got here early, too.

Yeah, because I wanted
to beat you to the good seat,

'cause you always
have to get the good seat.

- That's not true.
- It is true.

Come on, I got this fatwa.

I can't sit here with
my back to the door.

I already ordered something

and I've touched
all the... all the...

That doesn't mean anything.
We'll get new silverware.

You'll get a disease
or something.

So, you're not gonna
let me sit there?

No fucking way.

You know what?
The next time we have lunch,

you better set your alarm
for 7:00 in the morning.

I'm setting my alarm
for 6:30, you prick.

Is that so?
I'll be staying up all night

waiting outside that door
for them to open it.

I'll be here before the owner.

Yeah? Well, I got news for you.
I got perks.

They bought my picture,
so I'm gonna sleep in the kitchen.

You lost, pal.

Oh, yeah! Oh!
Close that deal!

- You close the deal!
- You close the deal!

- You close the deal!
- Make me an offer!


I've seen every house
that's for sale in Brentwood,

and I've had sex in every house
that's for sale in Brentwood.

We even had sex in a house
that was in escrow.

- Yes.
- You don't have to worry about hotels,

- anything like that.
- Nothing.

You go to these houses.

And let's say I'm driving
around a different neighborhood

and I see a house
that's for sale,

gets me kind of horny.

She is not only
a good-looking woman,

- but she's so stylish.
- Very sharp.

- She's very sharp.
- I need to up my game.

It's... now, don't get me wrong,
it's a nice suit,

but it's
four years old.

You know what? Barneys
is having a warehouse sale.

The fuck do you know from

Barneys having
a warehouse sale?

Never thought I'd hear those
words coming out of your mouth.

I... I heard.

What do you mean, you heard?

Who would've told you that?

I don't know.

- I just heard somewhere.
- You heard?

You wanna explain yourself?

Would you like to tell me
what I need to explain?

Well, I just got off the
phone with Jane Kleinberg

and she told me she saw you
in a car with another woman.

Well, do you know
who that woman is?

- No, I do not.
- She is a realtor.

- Yeah.
- And I am looking for houses.

I was surprising you
by buying a house.

- Really?
- Yeah.

He was just telling me
all about it,

and now you ruined
the surprise.

Well, that's very
sweet of you.

It is very sweet of me.

How about this guy, huh?
You're a lucky woman.

Thank you for the surprise
and I'm sorry to ruin,

but... you know,
I never know with you two.

He's a beautiful man.
A beautiful man.

That's right.

- You working here?
- Yes.

Hey, could you do me a favor?

I want to sit
in the last row,

in the seat that's
closest to the door.

Can you reserve that for me?
Could you do that?

I'm sorry.
We don't save seats.

You don't save seats?

What is that?
That's a policy?

It's a memorial
and that's not part of it.

What about we make a little...

we make a little deal?

You get a little paid
for your trouble, huh?

It's five bucks.


- Is that better? Huh?
- Which seat was it again?

- It was the last row?
- The last row, closest to the door.

- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- You got it.
- Thank you.

You're welcome.

...a very troubled family.



- Okay.
- Okay.

- Cheryl.
- Hey.


What's Dr. Templeton
doing here?

Oh, you know, Marty is
having such a hard time

- with this whole thing.
- Is he?

So I suggested that
he talk to Lionel.

- Lionel?
- Dr. Templeton.

You know, this is odd, though,
because when he passed me,

I gave him a very
friendly hello.

I went, "Hey!"

And I get back...

And I couldn't tell if it
was a typical funeral nod

or if he's angry with me

because I want to change
the chair in the office.

Well, it seems like
it would be odd

for him to give you
a big hello at a funeral.

- I'm not asking for a big hello, Cheryl.
- A young man died

and needs all of his
friends and family.

I'm asking for, you know,
a friendly hello.

"Ah." That's not big.

You know, maybe you should
make it less about you.

And by the way, you really
got me in a lot of trouble...

- Why?
- ...with Dr. Templeton.

Because you told him
that I said

that he likes truffles.

I got him truffle oil
as a gift.

I didn't... wasn't
even talking about you.

- How...?
- Well, he said it was a breach

of patient-doctor

which there's
really no such thing.

Okay, well, then,
you know what?

We should respect Lionel
and his process and...

You don't have to keep
calling him Lionel.

Maybe it's getting
too complicated

having the same therapist.

Gotta say, you're looking sharp,

I like this three-piece.
I like the whole look.

- Yeah?
- This slims you.

It holds you in, it's great.


Where'd you get that?
Barneys, you said?

- Barneys Warehouse sale.
- Barneys Warehouse sale?

How the fuck did you know
about Barneys Warehouse sale?

Uh, Larry told me.

Larry told you about
Barneys Warehouse sale?


I find that very
difficult to believe.

- Why do you even give a shit?
- Larry! Lar!

Come over here.

There's always something
up with you two

that I can't trust,
you know that?

Did you tell Jeff about
Barneys Warehouse sale?

- Yeah.
- Where'd you hear about that from?

That's so not you.

Uh, I can't say.

What do you mean
you can't say?

I can't say who told me
about Barneys Warehouse sale.

I'm not at liberty to say.

It's a fucking sale, Larry.

Who gives a shit?
Just tell me who told you.

No, I will not
and cannot tell you

who told me about
Barneys Warehouse sale.

All right, this is sounding
like bullshit now.

This sounds like another one of
your mishegoss bullshit thing.

- It's not a mishegoss. Just tell her.
- That is confidential information,

which I will never reveal
under any circumstances.

Larry didn't tell you
about Barneys Warehouse.

- He told me about Barneys.
- No, he did not.

That I cannot say!

Not today,
not tomorrow, not ever!

That's it!

All right, you're
a fucking liar, Jeff.

I'm not a liar!

There's something you're
not telling me.

Dr. Templeton!

- Hey!
- Honey, I'll be right in.

Hey. Listen, I... I happened
to overhear that conversation,

and I'm very appreciative
that you respected

the patient-doctor

Hey, you're welcome.

You know, when somebody
tells me something,

I take it to heart.

Glad to hear that.

You know, I noticed

when I said hello
to you earlier,

I gave you
a very hearty hello

and your response
was kind of grim.

- Was that a funeral hello?
- Well, very observant.

It was a downward nod
indicating a solemn hello

as opposed
to an upward nod

where it would be
a more joyous occasion.

Gotcha. So, you're
not mad at me?

Oh, no, no, no, I'm not...
I'm not mad at you at all.

Have you considered
my generous offer

to go chair shopping with you?

I have considered it, yes,
and I am declining it.

- Huh.
- I think if I go chair shopping,

I'll... I'll do it by myself.

Thank you.

Well, you'll be making the
same mistake all over again.

You'll have
a substandard chair

and a lot of unhappy clients.

That presumes a mistake
was made initially.

- Hmm.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,

Mrs. Templeton
is waiting for me.

- How is Mrs. Templeton?
- She's quite well.

I'd like to...
I'd like to meet her.

I don't think that is necessary,
really, Larry.

- Do you?
- Cheryl tells me that she met her.

Oh, yes. Cheryl and Mrs. Templeton
are quite friendly.

So, why can Cheryl meet
her and not me?

I don't get that.

Well, Mrs. Templeton has
already indicated

that she would rather
not meet you.

Hmm. Well, in any event,

please give my regards
to Mrs. Templeton.

I probably won't.

Well, if you change your mind,
Lionel, you'll let me know.

Oh, Larry.

Would it be all right
if you continued

to refer to me
as Dr. Templeton?

Shalom and welcome
to the celebration of life

of Kenny Funkhouser.

We begin today with the
traditional memorial prayer,

Kel Maleh Rachamim.

♪ Kel maleh rachamim... ♪

- Hey, that's my seat.
- What are you talking about?

I reserved...
I reserved that seat.

I gave the guy 20 bucks to reserve...
look, here's the sign.

- You threw it on the floor?
- Fuck the reserved sign.

This is a memorial service,
not a Knick game.

You gotta respect
the reserved sign.

This is the worst seat
in the whole house.

I did it because the
bathroom's 10 feet away...

Look. See?

It's a reserved sign. You can't
just throw it on the floor.

It should say "asshole,"
not "reserved."

Do me a favor and
beat it, will ya?

- Just get outta here.
- I got a fatwa I gotta deal with, here.

- I need that seat.
- I'm sorry about your fatwa,

but I got a problem
with my urinary tract.

You always have to have
the good seat, don't you?

Always. That was my seat!
You took it again!

- It wasn't your seat.
- You took it again!

You took it again!
You took it again!

- Shh!
- I didn't.

The Lord is his portion.

What happened to the seat?

- I gave you $20.
- May he rest in peace.

I know, I reserved it,
but he just ignored it.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Get him outta there!

- He's a mourner.
- He's not mourning!

If he's mourning, it's 'cause
he's losing his hair on the top.

- That's what he's mourning.
- I'm an usher, I'm not a bouncer.

Okay, you know what?
Forget it.

You're the last usher
I ever bribe.

Fear not death.
We are all destined to die.

- We share it with all who ever lived.
- Is this taken?

- It's reserved.
- Oh, okay, great.

Death is better
than a life of pain,

- and eternal rest than constant sickness.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Templeton.

Larry, do not address
Mrs. Templeton.

I hope you're enjoying
truffle season.

- Larry, find a seat.
- Okay.

- a grain of sand...
- Sorry.

- ...the good things in life...
- Who's she?

- I'm Kenny's cousin.
- It's none of your business, anyway.

- Go find a seat.
- Why didn't you save me a seat?

You didn't ask me
to save you a seat.

- Hey.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'd like to bring forward
Kenny's uncle,

Martin Funkhouser,
who would like to say a few words.

- Great.
- Martin, please?

- Thank you, Rabbi Dorfman.
- Oh, sorry.

I would like to take a
moment to acknowledge

my former beautiful
daughter Jodi,

who's now
my handsome son Joey.

- I love you, Joey.
- Thank you. I love you.

- Keep up the good work.
- Thank you.

Kenny Funkhouser was my nephew.

He was a golden child.

He was a straight-A student.

A great athlete who
was going to Stanford.

All-American baseball player.

Hey, hey, hey, come on,
come on.

- That's way too loud.
- Okay, okay, okay.

Just whimper.
Can you whimper?

This is a day of
celebrating Kenny's life.

What are you doing?

Go cry outside,
for God's sake.

- He's so young.
- Ah, come on, it's enough already.

I can't hear a thing.

- Shut up.
- Okay, okay.

Let me say some things
about Kenny Funkhouser.

Kenny is with us.

He will always be with us.

And someday,
we'll see him again.

Maybe play catch
with him, even.

When we leave this service today,
let's not feel sad.

Let's be upbeat, because that's
what Kenny would've wanted.

He was a very happy young man.

Fatwa! He's got a gun!

Ah! Oh, oh!

Oh, my God!

Go, sweetie, this way.
Go out this way.

- No! Jesus!
- Wait, Ted!

Go! Fatwa!

- Come on.
- Hurry up!

That's... hey!

That's my friend, you idiot!




So, as you can see, great flow.

We're just gonna move
through here.

Let me show you why
this is your house.

Chef's kitchen,
you got silent dishwashers.

It's an entertainer's dream,

You could entertain
for 100 people here

or you could entertain for two.

- Wow.
- Floor to ceiling windows.

Pizza oven.

Uh-huh. And where's
the master bedroom?

- The master bedroom is upstairs.
- Okay.

And we could take
the grand staircase

or we could take the elevator.


This is your own
little sanctuary.

Beautiful, spacious room.
Lots of morning light.

- Beautiful place to wake up.
- Uh-huh.

Just a great energy
in here overall.

Mm-hmm. Furniture
come with the house?

No, the furniture is staged,

but I could talk to the
designer about throwing it in.

You like this bed, Jeff?

- Negotiable on the price or what?
- They're firm with the price.

It's out of our price range.

- Come on.
- We'll take it.

- Huh?
- We'll take it.

Sold. Congratulations.

I gotta tell you something.

I never thought I was
gonna get you down here.

- This is nice.
- Let's see.

Try that.

What do you think?

- No, I don't think so. No.
- I don't think so, either.

- Not this one.
- No.

This isn't bad. It's got...
it's a bit of a rocker, here.

Let's move to another chair.

- All right.
- All right, I gotta say,

this one, to me,
is a perfect chair.

I think my clients
would like this.

- Great.
- Why not?

Well, let me...

Ooh, it's kind of pricey.

Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.

That's very generous
of you, Larry.

Are you expecting me
to pay for this chair?

That is all the time we have.

And, well,
I'll see you next week.

Okay? Thank you, Larry.