Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - Krazee-Eyez Killa - full transcript

Wanda Sykes' has a new boyfriend, gangsta rapper Krazee-Eyez Killa, who shares a little more with his new friend Larry David than a replacement jacket needed for a scene in the new Martin ...

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
- Whoo.
- Not bad, huh?

That's not bad
at all.

- That's official, know what I mean?
- Yeah.

- Did you pick that out?
- Yeah, yeah.

I got a matching earring
too, right there.

That's nice, right?

That says "true love"
right there.

Now, I ain't
into rapping too much,

but when it pays
for rocks like these, you got it.

You don't mind your daughter
marrying a rap star?

Oh, no, not at all.

Excuse me
for one second.

Larry? Larry?



What are
you doing?

Stepping on some
packing bubbles.

I know, but why
are you doing that?

Because it makes
a fun kind of popping noise.

It's fun.

I know,
we can hear you, that's why...

Why aren't you
mixing in with people? Mingling?

You know what?
I'm gonna get going, I think.

I got to pick up a script
at Jeff's house.

Jeff's house?
I thought he was staying in a hotel.

No, they bought
a new house.

It's right in the neighborhood.
They just moved in.

Oh! That was fast.
What about the dog? What happened?

He's getting
allergy shots now...

- And everything's fine?
- Yeah.

- Wow, all right.
- So, I'm gonna go over there.

Just stay for 10
more minutes, okay?

All right, fine.

I'm gonna run to the restroom,
I'll meet you back.

- What's crackin', player?
- How are you?

I'm all right,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I'm chilling, what's up?
- Chilling. Just chilling.

- You a writer, right?
- Yeah.

I wrote some shit
this morning.

I write my own lyrics and shit,
you know what I mean?

- Yeah.
- You want to help me out with it?

- I've never written rap...
- That's all right.

- I want to see what you got.
- Okay, go ahead.

Check this shit out.
It's called "I'm Coming to Get You."

"I'm Coming
to Get You," okay.

"So you think you're gonna cross me
and mess with my shit,

Opening your fucking trap
and flapping your lip?

Don't fuck with me, nigga,
or you're gonna get dropped,

I'll snap off your neck with
a crackle and pop."

Oh, I like the
Rice Krispies thing, yeah.

- You got that shit?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- "Crackle and pop," of course.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"If you say anything,
you'll beg me to die,

'Cause I'll make you
suck my dick, then I'll nut in your eye.

I'll stomp on your world
as if my name was Godzilla,

I'm coming for you,

I'm your Krazee-Eyez Killa."
You know?

And I'm going
to be like this in the video,

like... you know
what I mean?

I like it.

I got one tiny
little comment.

What, what, what?

I would lose the "motherfucker"
at the end,

'cause you already said "fuck" once,
you don't need two fucks.

You already
got the one fuck.

I would change
the "motherfucker" to "bitch."

- Because the bitch...
- "I'm coming for you, bitch..."

Yes, because "bitch"
is a word that you would use

to somebody who you
disrespect, right?

Doesn't that

- You my dawg. You my nigga.
- I am your nigga. Absolutely.

Yeah, that's right,
player, that's right.

I like that shit.
Yeah, I like you, motherfucker.

Don't hit me.
Yeah, yeah. Check it out.

You like
eating pussy?

You know, it's...

I'm a little...
I like it, I like it,

but I'm a little
too lazy to do it, you know?

It's a whole to-do, you know?
It hurts my neck.

- Yeah, I'm too lazy.
- You're too lazy to eat pussy?

It hurts my neck.
I get too lazy to do that.

Oh, man, you got
to eat the pussy, the cooch.

Oh shit, yeah. You know what
the best pussy is to eat?

Asian pussy.

Krazee-Eyez Killa,
you're getting married.

Wanda's, you know,
you can't do that anymore.

No, I have to do that,

You know what I'm saying?
I have to eat the pussy.

- Really?
- I can't live without that shit.

- You have to eat the pussy?
- Have to have different flavor pussy.

You got Wanda now.
You can't do it. Wanda's gonna find out.

Wanda ain't gonna
find out shit.

You my nigga, right?
This is between me and you.

- Well, yes, I'm your nigger.
- How is she gonna find out?

She ain't she gonna
find out, is she?

- Not from me. Absolutely not.
- Right. She ain't gonna find out.

- She's not gonna find out.
- Right, right, right.

All right, Krazee-Eyez Killa,
I got to take off.

I got to pick up a script
at my friend's house.

All right, nice to see you.
Give me some.

Yeah, yeah.

- Hello.
- Hey.

- Welcome, welcome.
- Welcome to the neighborhood.

Good to be in
the neighborhood.

Look at this.

I just go where the wife
tells me to go.

Yeah, well, don't we all?
Look at this place.

- Amazing.
- Hold on. I got the script for you.

Read it, tell me what you think
and we'll see what happens.

- Hey, Lar? Huh?
- Hey, hey, yeah.

- Is this something?
- Yeah, congratulations.

- Thank you.
- That's wonderful.

- We're so happy here, aren't we, honey?
- We sure are.

So come on,
I'll give you the tour.

You know what?
that's okay.

- I get it.
- What do you mean?

You know, it's bedrooms,
bathrooms... I get it.

I see it, it's beautiful,
it's great.

You don't
want a tour?

You don't need
to walk me around...

Get the fuck out of my house, okay?
Get the fuck out right now!

All right, fine,
I'll take the house tour.

No, no, I'm done,
I'm over it.

I'm turned off.

Get the fuck out,

Freak of fucking nature,
doesn't want a house tour.

Susie, I'll take
the house tour.

No, no!
No tour for you.

We'll have lunch
tomorrow, don't forget.

Okay, lunch

- Larry? Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Well, what'd you think
of that party?

That was fun,
wasn't it?

Fun? I don't know.
Was it fun?

It was very fun.
Did you get to talk to Krazee-Eyez?

Yeah, we had a nice
little conversation.

He's something else,
isn't he?

Quite a character.
Loves the ladies.

- To say the least.
- To say the least.

Yeah, he really
gets around.

- Oh, yeah, you know?
- Yeah.

I mean,
everybody knows.

Everybody knows?

You're kidding.

- Wanda knows?
- Yeah.

That's not how
he presented it to me.

Well, what
do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?
I mean, everybody knows

that he likes to flirt
with the women.

What was he telling you?

No, that... you know,
he likes to...

What did he
tell you?

Was he telling you
about women?

- Come on, Cheryl. What?
- Oh my God.

Is he fooling
around on Wanda?

All right...
oh my God.

I don't know
what he's doing, okay?

Oh my God.

You know,
this doesn't surprise me, I'm...

- What?
- I'm gonna call her...

You're gonna what?

He told you he's fooling around
with other women.

But you're not gonna call
Wanda now?

Of course I am.
She's engaged to him.

I don't care.
He'll blame me. You can't do that.

You know what he's gonna do?
Have you heard his lyrics?

"If you betray me, you're gonna die"?

"You'll suck on my dick,
I'll put a nut in your eye"?

That's a nice scenario for me.
So, do me a favor...

That's a song.
This is real life, okay?

- Yeah, I understand.
- This is Wanda's real life.

I understand.
You want to tell her, go ahead.

I'm gonna tell you
something, okay?

- You say one word to her...
- Larry, she's my best friend.

I will be
in Antarctica.

That's how far away
I will be from Southern California.

You're that scared
of Krazee-Eyez

that you'd flee
the country?

Yeah, I am,
yes, I am!

I want to live,
I want to have both legs.

I want to have my penis,
all right,

and my testicles

This is her life, okay?

She's starting a whole
new life with this guy...

This is my life
and I'd like to live it

by not going into
handicapped parking.

Hey, tomorrow,
the reshoot

for the Scorsese

You're all hip to it?
You're good?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

The wardrobe people
wanted you to bring the jacket.

The cream-colored jacket
with blue stitching.

She left a message
on the machine, I got it.

All right, good. I don't want to make
a big deal about this.

- I'm gonna mention it, and that's it.
- What did I do now?

It wouldn't have killed you to have
taken the house tour.

I feel very queer
taking house tours.

My wife shows you the house...

I gotta go,
"Oh, that's nice"...

- Did you have to go somewhere?
- No.

All right,
you know what?

"Hey, look at that closet!
Nice beams up there.

I like those beams.
What's the name of that architect?"

Good coffee.

It is good coffee.

Pretend this is
a commercial.

Watch me do this
as a commercial, okay?

Boy, that's really
good coffee.



God damn it!

What is up
with the bubbles?!

Take it easy.
What are you screaming about?

I'm tired of listening to these
things pop all over.

I just found these.

I'll pop 'em today
and be done with it.

what's wrong?

Where's that cream-colored jacket
with the blue stitching?


the really ugly one
with the hole in it?

- Yeah, the one from the movie.
- I threw it away.

You threw it away?
What do you mean you threw it away?

You're weren't gonna wear it.
It had a hole in it. It's hideous.

Of course it had a hole in it,
that's where I got shot.

I need it
for the reshoot.

I didn't know
you were gonna need it.

Do you know
what this means?

All kinds of problems
this is causing

because there's
a reshoot now,

and this jacket's been established
in other scenes...

I think it was from Mitchell's.
I saw the tag,

- "Mitchell's on Melrose."
- Mitchell's on Melrose.

That's not working.

- This really works.
- Yeah, well, it looks great.

I can't believe
you still had this thing.

Actually, that's
the last one we've got.

Oh, man, you are
saving me.

I desperately needed this
to do this reshoot on this movie.

Well, great, you're in luck.
Here, I'll take it.

If you want to look
at some other stuff,

we'll get that
ready for you over here.

Okay, I kind of like
this thing.

I like...
what is this?

Oh, this is
an extra large.

Let me see,
it might not fit.

- It's a great sweater too.
- Nah, way too big.

Is that it?
You don't have any more?

It only comes
in that size, I'm sorry.

I'll tell you what,
I'll fold that up for you

- and we can get you rung up over there.
- That's okay, I got it.

- I can take care of it.
- No, no problem.

Actually, I kind of need
to take care of it.

We have a very
specific way that we fold things

so I'll take care
of it, okay?

It's not that complicated.
I can do it.

It's not that

Actually, it is a little

- This is complicated?
- Yeah, it's a little complicated.

There's a specific
way we need to...

can you let go...?
Okay, thank you.

You're stretching
it out now.

It's not a scoop neck,
it's actually a v-neck. Thank you.

I've got it.

All right, well,
I'm sorry for trying to help you out.

Well, you weren't
helping me out.

You're actually stretching out...
you're damaging merchandise.

- Boy, you really got it down.
- Yeah, I did get it down, okay?

I never could have done that.
That's so hard to do.

Actually, I'm gonna
ask you to leave.

I don't need to be insulted
in my own store.

I'm gonna ask you
to leave, okay?

All right, I'll just take
the jacket and...

I don't think you're
going to take the jacket.

Have a nice day. I don't like
to be insulted in my own store.

Hey, you insulted me, I didn't insult
you. I was trying to help you.

How many people
come in here and fold a sweater?

- No one does, actually.
- No one's considerate enough to do it.

I'm considerate
enough to do it.

It's not an issue of consideration.
Actually, you're insulting me,

that's why you're not
getting the jacket.

I wasn't insulting you,
I was trying to help you.

Trying to help me by making
extra work for me. Thanks a lot.

Come on, I'll just give you
the credit card.

You're not gonna
buy the jacket.

- Don't sell it until I say so.
- Don't be an asshole.

I'm not being an asshole.
You're being an asshole,

that's why I'd like you to leave,
okay? Thank you.

Thanks a lot,
have a good day.

And by the way,
don't try to send

any friends in here
to buy the jacket,

'cause I'm not
selling it to anyone.

You think I'd send anybody
to this piece of shit store?

There is something
I have to tell you.

Krazee-Eyez is
cheating on you.

How do you know?

Larry told me.

That cheating son of a bitch,
I'm gonna kick his ass.

Are you gonna tell him
that Larry told you?

You goddamn
right I am.

Yeah, I think it's Knox Road
and Silver Lake.

Um, "Killer."

Yeah, that's
the last name.


There might be
a hyphen in that.

Well, "Krazee," I guess
is the first name,

unless the whole last name
is "Krazee-Eyez Killer."

K-R-A-Z... Y,

What about an "H"
at the end of "Killa"?

Did you try that?

What about the "Z"?

"Eyez"? E-Y-E-Z?
Is that possible?

No, no, that's
an optometry place.

Okay, all right,
thank you.

- What the fuck you doing?
- Hey.

Where's my nigga?
Where's my nigga?

There's my motherfucking nigga
right there.

Get your ass in here.
All right.

God damn!

You came to see
my motherfucking shit, didn't you?


I'm supposed to meet
Cheryl and Wanda.

Do you have any idea
where they went?

Fuck... I think D said something
about "tea bags"?

- Is that right?
- Yeah... thanks, Krazee.

Hey, hey, what's up man?
Where you going?

You just
got here, nigga.

Don't you want
a tour of the house?

You want a tour
of the house, don't you?

You want a tour?
Come on motherfucker, come on!

Yeah, that's right. Come on, yeah,

Okay, yeah. See this shit,
this is the dining room, you know?

- This is where you eat.
- Yeah, we do our dining here and shit.

We got some... got a table,
a dining room table.

You got some
chairs and shit.

You know what I mean?
We got us some lamps and shit.

We got the floor,
you know what I mean?

It's made out of...

some floor shit,
you know what I'm saying?

- Yeah, it's floor shit.
- We got some steps right here.

Got four of these

I wanted three,
but I was like, four is better.

- Four steps, uh-huh.
- We got a door here and a door there.

We got rooms all over this motherfucker.
You know what I mean?

Yo, check it.
You like this shit?

The Oriental room
and shit?

All the shit
go down right there.

The bed's a lot smaller
than I would have thought.

Maybe I will get
a bigger bed.

I can have three or four
motherfuckers in there.

Know what I'm saying?
A whole harem of motherfuckers.

You got to have three or four
motherfuckers in there.

- You a motherfucking pimp, ain't you?
- I don't think I am.

You are a pimp.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I want...

You got a garbage can?
I gotta...

No, you can throw
that shit anywhere.

I got someone to clean up after.
Go ahead, throw it.

- Toss it.
- Okay.

the motherfucker.

There you go.

Watch this shit.
Yo, Delicious!


Tell Matilda to come in here
and clean this shit up.

And bring me an Aliz?.
Do you want something, brother?

No, thank you.
I actually kind of got to...

What's up?
You like some shit?


I have the exact
same jacket.

But I mean,
I lost it, but l...

you don't understand. I'm supposed
to wear this in this movie tomorrow.

Hey, it's cool, man.
You all excited and shit.

You want to try it on?
Go try it on, I don't give a shit.

No, but this is unbelievable
because I lost the jacket.

Try the fucking
jacket on, man.

Holy shit, I can't
even believe this.

I'm thinking about putting a plasma
screen on the fucking ceiling

and have "Scarface"
like, 24-7. Let me see.

- Oh, you official.
- This is amazing.

- This is amazing.
- I like that shit. You like it?

- All right.
- It's yours.

- Get out of here.
- Fuck it.

Fuck it, I don't need it.
I got plenty of shit right here.

Krazee-Eyez, I don't know what to say.
This is unbelievable.

You don't have to say shit.
We roll like that, you know what I mean?

- Are you my Caucasian?
- I'm your... man...!

- Are you my Caucasian?
- I'm your fucking Caucasian.

- All right.
- All right, all right.

You know what?
Honest to God.

I love the crib,
it's fantastic.

You know what?
My wife's gonna kick my ass.

- I got to get out of here.
- Oh, shit, you got to go?

- Yeah, I got to go.
- Oh, man, I know how that shit is.

I know how that shit is.
Don't let her fuck with you.

- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm gonna sneeze, but thank you.

Yo, Delicious!
Get a tissue, my man's gonna sneeze.


There's no discussion...


Hi, Barbara.

What are you
doing here?

Just came
to see you, you know.

- Why?
- Hi Wanda.

Hey, Larry.

I just didn't like
the way things ended with us earlier...

How did you know
we were here?

I went to Krazee-Eyez
and he told me.

You went to that
son of a bitch's house?

Do you know
he's cheating on me?

That no-good
cock-eyed bastard.

Cheating. I know.
He's fucking around, Larry.

My husband is dead
and I wouldn't fuck around.

Did you interrupt those bunch of sluts
up there and everything?

A big fuckfest
going on, Larry?

No, no fuckfest.
Just Delicious, that's all.

He's cheating
on me, Larry.

Have you told him yet
that you know?

No, but I'm going to. I'm gonna tell him
that and a few other things.

When he asks you how you know,
what are you gonna say?

I'm gonna
tell him I heard.

Heard from who?

I heard from
somebody, I just...

"Somebody"? Don't you think you
should be a little specific?

What difference does it make?
Why do you give a shit?

I think you need
to tell him who you heard it from,

otherwise he could think
the wrong person told you,

- and that would be bad.
- Bad for who?

For that wrong person.

I don't give a fuck
about the "wrong person."

This doesn't
make any sense...

No, you got to care
about the wrong person!

The wrong person
is an innocent person.

He's the wrong person
for cheating on me, all right?

That's the wrong motherfucker
right there, okay?

Maybe we should dance.
You want to dance?

It's a slow song.

- No, I don't think so.
- Why? We never get to dance.

Yeah, I don't want to.

I can't right now.
I can't.

You dumb ass, can't you see
she is liquored up, horny?

Thank you.

- And you..."Oh, I don't want"...
- "I don't want to dance with my wife."

I'm sorry.

Fuck this, I'm going
over there now.

I'm not sitting here
jabbering with y'all...

Don't tell him
who told you and just kick his ass.

"My friend
so-and-so told me."

- I'm gonna tell him I heard.
- "I heard from so-and-so."

He thinks he can
go around L.A.

just eating pussy
left and right?

No, uh-uh, you don't do that to me.
I'm out of here.

Wait, wait, wait.
Larry, walk Wanda out to her car.

- That's a good idea.
- What am I, a deterrent?

- It's a bad neighborhood.
- So, what am I gonna do?

- Larry?
- I'm in here.

Oh, Barbara
is a talker.

- Have you noticed that?
- Yeah, a little bit.

Why wouldn't you
dance with me?

I didn't want
to upset the widow.

What about upsetting your wife,
for one dance?

Have you ever seen
the look on a widow's face

when couples
are dancing?

They're with a friend,
then all of a sudden

- the friend starts dancing...
- What's the look?

- What's the look?
- They get depressed.

I think just one dance
she would've been okay.

You're really drunk,
aren't you?

- No.
- Huh? Listen to you.

- You're completely slurring your words.
- No, I'm not.

I have a question.

Yeah, I got a couple
of questions myself.

Okay, first of all,
you didn't...

you didn't tell her,
right? Wanda?

- I told you I didn't tell her.
- I know, I know.

The David promise.
I didn't tell her.

Yeah, a "David promise"
is worthless.

- It's really no good?
- It doesn't mean anything.

I have a question. What did you tell
Krazee-Eyez about oral sex?

- Oh.
- Yeah.

What did you say?

What did you say?
Why were you talking...

I just can't even
believe that.

- Boy, that guy.
- That guy?!

Yeah, what is he talking
to Wanda about that for?

We were having
a private conversation.

What did Wanda
tell you?

What did you tell

I don't, you know...
do we need to discuss this?

I'm just curious.

Well, we were just...

You don't
want to do it?

No, it hurts my neck sometimes,
that's all I said.

- It hurts your neck?
- Sometimes it hurts my neck.

- That's all I said.
- You think that's appropriate talk

at a party with someone
that you hardly even know?

- He started it.
- Is that appropriate?

What was I supposed to do?
Say it's inappropriate?

I think that subject's

a little inappropriate
for me, I'm sorry."

Holy shit, what is that?
Who's that?

- Ask who it is.
- Who is it?

It's Killa!

Hold on a second.

Come on.
Hey, where's Larry at?


Oh, oh, shit.

He popping them fucking... Larry, I hear
you popping those fucking bubbles.

Get your ass down here!
Hey, Larry!

Hey, what the fuck?

Motherfucker, what the fuck?
Motherfucker, what the fuck?

- What, Krazee-Eyez?
- Wanda fucking left me, man.

- What the fuck you say?
- I didn't say anything.

I know you said something,

- No, Krazee-Eyez.
- You told, didn't you?

- No, I swear to God.
- I thought we were "cool-de-la," man.

- I'm cool-de-la.
- We ain't cool-de-la?

- No, we are cool-de-la.
- Motherfucker, get my jacket.

- Krazee-Eyez...
- Get... don't make me come up there.

You fine,
you know that?


How you gonna throw the jacket
at me, motherfucker?

How you gonna throw
the jacket at me?

You ain't got no etiquette,
motherfucker. Man...

- Krazee-Eyez, l...
- I love that girl, man.

- I'm sorry.
- Well, you didn't act like it.

- What?
- You don't know.

That's not how you treat
somebody you love.

- Don't pay attention to her.
- That's not how you treat somebody.

I thought you were my nigga.
You ain't my nigga.

- I'm your nigga.
- You ain't shit.

- Krazee-Eyez...
- No, no, fuck that shit.

I have no jacket
for tomorrow, that's great.

But my neck is
feeling pretty good.

Oh my God,
what are you doing?

What is... wait,
what's going on?

I think I swallowed
a pubic hair.

Oh, God.

Yeah, jump in, anytime.

Hey, Larry.
Hi, how are you?

Good. Joe, good to see you.
Welcome to L.A.

Listen, you know,
I lived here for a while,

but I was asked
to leave.

- Hey... I got a little problem.
- What's the matter?

I don't have the jacket
for the scene, you know?

- The one with the light... the light...
- The blue squares.

The window box designs.
You don't have it?

- What happened?
- The beige one. My wife threw it out.

Your wife
threw it out?

Excuse me, but how did your wife
get the jacket?

The wardrobe woman must've
somehow misplaced it...

The thing is, obviously
I can't reshoot the whole scene.

I just can't do that,
we're killing...

the studio would say,
I don't think... Joe, what do...

It's okay, Marty.
I have a back-up jacket.

okay, here we are,

beautiful, perfect. Thank you,
thank you. How did this get here?

I have back-up
for all my wardrobe.

Well, why did you
tell me...

to make sure
to bring my jacket?

It's part of my wardrobe. You're not
supposed to take any wardrobe home.

Then how did you
get it...?

You took it home.

I wanted you
to bring it back.

- But I have an extra one.
- Good, okay.

Thank you, Wendy,
thank you, thank you.

All right, we got the jacket,
that's it.

Do you know the aggravation
this woman caused me?

I don't understand
how the hell she could've

given you a jacket to take home,
number one. I don't get it.

Well, then she gave me
the impression

that was the only jacket.
I was in possession of the only jacket.

- She made me think it was the only one.
- All right, we got the jacket.

- You understand what I'm saying?
- I understand.

We got the jacket, let's forget it.
We go,

get into make-up,
we go. That's it.

Why did she put it
in with my stuff?

He's gonna
kill me, this guy.

Unbelievable. What does he mean,
she gave him the jacket

- to put in... what is this?
- It'll be all right.

Which way? Do I make
a left over here?

Yeah, just down
the corner to the left.

How many more scenes
do we have with him?

You should've seen
that cocksucker's face

when I took out
that knife.

He said to me,
he said, "You don't got no call."

lmagine that?
"You don't got no call"?

I said, "I had call

I got call

And I'll have
call tomorrow.

- What the hell is that?
- He's choking.

Cut it, cut!