Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 11, Episode 2 - Episode #11.2 - full transcript
Larry, we are so excited
about this show.
We've been talkin' about it
all week long.
Is that so?
Just a little bit a little bit
of housekeeping.
On the casting side of things,
you guys are pretty keen
on this particular young woman
to play Marsha Lifshitz, right?
- What's the name...
- Maria Sofia Estrada.
Maria Sofia Estrada, yeah.
Where'd you find her?
We couldn't find her on IMDb.
- Is she on TikTok?
- Does she do theater?
Does she do theater?
You know what, are you ready?
Yeah.
A friend of mine, his daughter
goes to high school
and they're doing a high school
production of Romeo & Juliet.
And his daughter was playing
Mrs. Montague.
He asked me if I wanted to go.
Sure, I'll go.
I love theater. Sue me.
What am I, crazy?
I just love it, you know?
I sit there and I go...
It's theater, you know?
It's all live. It's happening.
But anyway, his daughter,
sorry to say, she didn't have it,
but the girl playing Juliet, my God,
she was sensational.
Can you guys believe it?
My daughter's gonna be the star
of Larry David's new show!
I mean, she was incredible.
I went backstage,
I saw my friend's daughter, I said:
"Very good, where's Juliet?"
And I went to find Juliet
and she came in to audition.
- She's like a discovery.
- So she read for you already?
She read, yes.
The electricity in the room,
forget about it.
I'd love to see the tape.
WelI, I did not tell you this.
What?
I accidently erased
the tape yesterday.
I know, I've been hesitant to tell you.
Oh my God, Jeff, how did
you do that? You fuckin' idiot.
You're a fuckin' idiot,
you know that?
Can I tell you something? I am.
- You are.
- I am. I'm a fuckin' idiot.
- I'm so sorry.
- So, no tape. Okay.
Who told you to futz with it?
Look, I got a little crazy.
What do you want from me?
Shut up. Just shut up.
Bit of a ray of sunshine, then.
We have a kid we think is fantastic
for young Larry.
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
Dylan O'Brien.
You guys know Dylan O'Brien?
He's so hot right now.
He was in Teen Wolf.
He's in the Maze Runner trilogies.
We think he's young Larry.
Attaching someone like Dylan,
this show goes for a very long time.
So, look, he's in a band. He's got
a little pet project aside,
Dylan O'Brien and the Entrails.
- They're great.
- They're actually pretty good.
And he plays guitar and drums.
- Come to the show tomorrow.
- He's gonna be singing?
Yeah, he's gonna sing.
If you're going, I'm going.
You going?
So, you'll go?
- Okay.
- Okay, great.
Rock concert?
Can't stand rock concerts.
This is pure torture for me.
Honestly, so loud, you know?
It's a nightclub.
There's not gonna be places to sit.
Exactly. And we're gonna have
to go backstage
and pretend that we liked it. It's...
Who needs that?
Fucking tooth is killin' me, man.
- You got a good dentist?
- He retired.
- He did? I got the guy for you.
- Really?
Doctor Thanapapalous. He's fantastic.
Maybe I'll go to him.
You gotta go to him.
However, if you do go,
there's a young lady named Angie.
Great girl, great hygienist.
I got her pregnant.
And she got an abortion.
And, yeah...
- I'm sorry. Holy cow!
- One big headache.
- You paid for the abortion?
- Of course I paid for the abortion.
What are you supposed to do?
She's beautiful, flirted with me.
What am I gonna do?
What have you got going for you?
I don't get it.
By the way, I don't question it.
- So that's over now?
- Yeah, we're not dating anymore.
All right, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
Pee before you leave,
that's my credo.
It's a good credo.
Come on in. Hey.
- Sorry to interrupt.
- No, not at all.
We're talking about you.
I just wanted to let you know that
I was using the unisex bathroom.
- The toilet seat does not stay up.
- I'm sorry about that.
I was climbing on the rim.
Then I was holdin' it up with my foot
because that thing can't come down
in midstream
because I don't have the urethral
discipline I had when I was a youth.
But it beat the alternative,
which is sitting...
Pants on the floor, you know what?
Those pants go
right in the incinerator.
I swear to you, if those pants
touch that floor,
I'm going home in my underwear.
- That's fantastic.
- Anyway...
Thank you for bringing it
to our attention.
- I will talk to maintenance.
- You'll talk to maintenance?
- Absolutely, you got it. We're on it.
- Okay, you go back to your business.
Thanks, Larry.
And you're going to Asia with him?
You don't even know him.
I like adventure, new places,
new man.
See new things. Fuck yeah.
I call her Deuce. Number two.
- Mary Ferguson 2?
- That's right.
By the way, let me give you
a little tip, okay?
You're gonna be with this guy?
Don't walk into any glass doors.
I'll try not to.
Okay, well, I'm still hungry.
My steak was amazing.
So good.
Are you gonna finish it?
No, I'm gonna save that for my dog.
Can I have some?
No, I'm gonna give it to my dog.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't have a piece of that?
- No. Taking it in a doggie bag.
That dog is sittin' at home anticipating
a doggie bag coming home.
They're not expecting five slices.
Got five slices there.
What if you brought home three slices
and gave me two?
Will that kill anybody?
No, I'm gonna take it all
for my dog.
Humans should take precedence
over an animal.
But pets should take precedence
over someone I just met.
- So you' re not gonna give me any?
- No.
- Okay.
- Makes sense to me.
You know what makes sense to me?
If you wanna give your dog
all your steak,
perhaps you should pay for it.
No, no, that's not wow. This is wow.
No. Asking me to pay...
No, no. Dog over man,
that's the wow.
"I want you to pay
for this meal". That's a wow.
"I'm gonna give my dog five slices
of my steak and not this guy."
"You should pay for the bill."
That's wow.
I got the wow.
That's not the wow!
So, listen, I don't know what
to make of this.
Angie told me she's having
complications
and she needs more money.
From the abortion? Jesus!
What complications?
Man, oh man,
that sounds a tad suspicious.
She might be taking
complete advantage of me.
How are you supposed to know?
She could say anything.
Right. That's why
you're on a secret mission.
When you're at the dentist, you need
to find out what's going on.
So when you go there,
keep an eye out.
- Hey, Jeff.
- But he's good.
That touchdown wasn't a touchdown.
Hey, what are you doing here?
We gotta go see that kid
play at a concert, the young actor.
The actor for the show.
We got the new towels.
Fluffy. Feel this,
new fluffy towels.
Not like your ratty old towels.
What? What'd you say
about my towels?
I said not like
your ratty old towels.
Ratty towels? I have ratty towels?
- Well, it's just a fact, Larry.
- It's not a fact.
- My towels are not ratty.
- Don't take such offense.
We get new towels every few years.
You need to get some new towels.
No, you're wrong.
I don't need new towels.
Towels are better when they're
washed over and over again,
like a pair of jeans.
They dry you a lot better.
They're aged.
Because new doesn't dry.
You pat dry. I rub dry.
That's the difference.
You wanna keep patting dry
for the rest of your life,
go pat dry because you don't know
the pleasures of a rub dry.
Well, you know I love
the fluffy towels. Oh, my God.
But when I wanna do a quick dry
and thorough,
I'd love to have some aged towels.
Can we keep a couple aged?
You see what you're doing now? You're
turning him against my nice new towels.
- I didn't need your butt-insky.
- Come on. We'd better go.
We're not keeping the old towels!
Can I get a champagne, please?
Oh my Lord.
Look at this. Look who's here.
- Fancy meeting you here.
- I know. How's it going?
- Good, what are you doing here?
- I came to watch Dylan.
My friend, Ann, is his publicist.
So I've known him for a very long time.
What are you doing here?
We're scouting this Dylan O'Brien.
Maybe he's gonna be in our show.
Well, it's fun to be here, right?
It's kinda seedy.
- A little ratty. Like your towels.
- What?
When I say ratty,
I think of your towels.
Like my towels? Ratty like my towels?
Did Susie talk to you about my towels?
I'm just saying your towels are old
and ratty.
Did Susie say that to you recently?
Don't talk about my towels.
And don't say they're ratty
'cause they're not ratty.
- Don't say the word ratty?
- No, don't say the word ratty.
Don't use them in your analogies
any more if something is ratty.
A ratty towel has holes in it and
you use it to clean up vomit.
So let's just agree to disagree.
No, I don't agree to disagree.
I disagree to disagree.
And I don't wanna hear it again.
I love you, Dylan!
Enjoy the show. We'll see you later.
Let's go.
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches.
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
Peaches come from a can,
They were put there by a man,
in a factory downtown.
I mean, what else did we expect?
- It's intolerable.
- My ears are bleeding.
This is really one of the worst
experiences of my life,
I'm not exaggerating.
Oh, no, drums!
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
I'm moving to the country...
Thank you. Holy shit.
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
He's eating a lot of peaches.
Millions of peaches,
peaches for free.
The last Peaches verse,
I think best we've ever done.
And we're gonna run with it.
- Hey!
- This fuckin' guy, what's going on?
That was fantastic. Oh my God,
we loved it. It was amazing.
I was clapping and swaying
and clapping and swaying.
You have no idea how much
that means to me.
It makes me connected to you.
I'm sorry, you got like hearing aids?
You got fuckin' tissue in your ears.
To block sound, possibly?
- Can you believe?
- Look at that.
Loved the show.
Loved it so much,
I put fuckin' tissue in my ear.
Definitely not in there to
block the sound out of the show.
There was a guy standing behind me.
- So loud.
- Screaming in my ear.
And he was drowning out the show.
And this way, I was able to drown him
out and still get the essence.
I think you're full of shit,
a little bit.
To tell you the truth,
it was a tad loud for us, okay?
See, that's all you gotta say.
We don't get music. It's not our thing.
We want you for your acting.
I'll give you one more shot.
You say you're a fan of my acting?
What performance of mine
really resonated with you?
- Of your acting?
- Yeah.
- You know, the...
- What have you seen?
I've seen the one where
you were in the kitchen cooking.
- The boat movie.
- The boat movie.
There's no boat. There's no kitchen.
You never cooked chicken alfredo
with a friend?
No. See, my art means
a lot to me, okay?
Something I do out there every time
is profound.
Did you write that peaches song?
No, technically, I didn't write
the peaches song, no.
What would prompt a person
to sing such an idiotic song?
Because the way it's aged
20 years later,
don't you see how relevant it is now?
- No, I don't.
- Okay, see, I can take the honesty.
I can take criticism.
What great artist couldn't?
- Name one who could.
- I'll tell you what.
- You're looking at him.
- You want the straight dope?
I promise you I can take it.
I'm ready to grow.
In two words, it stunk.
- Go fuck yourself.
- I thought you said you could take it?
You think that you got a shot in hell
at me doing this show?
Listen, let's just cut the cord, okay?
I'm a kind person, all right?
I'm a very peaceful guy.
Dogs are my life, right?
I started a restaurant
where you can sit and eat a meal
with your dog next to you outside.
- First of its kind.
- You didn't start the first one.
- I see people sitting outdoor...
- Show me one place. Name one.
Name one other restaurant
that does that?
- Burger King.
- I gotta be honest.
I took an edible
soon as the show ended
and it's really starting to kick in,
so I need to get in my zone, do some
yoga. Do some MDMA.
You sure you didn't that take edible
before the show?
- Get the fuck out, okay?
- Okay. Sure.
I got a call from his manager, Larry.
And Dylan was offended.
Yeah. Dylan is someone,
as I said before,
that we are very high on
at the network.
I'm not sure after the conversations
that we've had,
that the show works without Dylan.
- You know what, I like the kid.
- He's great, right?
I liked his personality,
very charming. Funny.
Qualities I think I had
when I was a young man, right?
I think he's a perfect fit for the show.
- I see him as young Larry.
- So do we.
So, what I think would be appropriate
is some sort of apology.
- I will apologize.
- Fantastic.
See that palm? That's where
he's gonna be eating out of very soon.
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that
because if we can land
someone like Dylan,
that helps us work with your unknown,
Maria Sofia Estrada,
which you guys are still leaning
towards?
- Absolutely.
- Oh my God, that performance...
We were wondering, 'cause it came up
from our morning meeting,
would she go back on tape?
They wanna see tape.
You wanna see tape?
We'll get you a tape!
Get outta here, of course,
we'll get you tape.
That would be great.
Unfortunately, can't do it right away
because she's out of town, so...
We can send her equipment.
We can get her a tripod...
She could shoot on her phone.
Very busy, very busy.
She's too busy.
Did she get a gig?
Is she on set some place?
No, no, she's doing
Habitat for Humanity.
Good for her. That's commendable.
Where is she doing that?
In New Mexico.
- Why there?
- Well, it's close to Mexico.
And she's got family
across the border.
And they like the fact that
she's working nearby.
Well, as soon as she's free,
we'd love to get her back on tape
and that would...
- Well, thank you.
- You know...
One more thing before we go.
I used that unisex bathroom
before the meeting.
And I noticed that the seat,
it's still not staying up.
Did you talk to the maintenance guy?
Yeah. I did right after we spoke.
It's an odd thing,
'cause those maintenance guys,
they're usually right on it,
especially from the big cheese.
It's a big building.
Lots of things.
Sounds good.
So you gonna apologize to the actor?
- I don't think that's gonna cut it.
- Nope.
You gotta come up
with something different.
- Something...
- Big.
Something interesting.
Julio. Hi. How are ya?
Good.
Julio works in the building
where my dentist office is.
Yeah? And you also work here?
Yes, sir.
You spoke to Don Jr. about the toilet
seat that, uh, won't stay up?
No one said anything
about a broken toilet seat.
Don Jr. didn't talk to you about a
toilet seat on the sixth floor bathroom
that won't stay up?
Nobody's talked to me about
a toilet that doesn't stay up.
Maybe he spoke to somebody else.
If it was broken,
they would speak to me
'cause I fix everything in the building.
Why would he tell me he spoke
to you when he didn't?
Junior...
Fuckin' Junior.
I noticed you got arrival time here.
Why do you need arrival time?
I could see appointment time,
but the arrival time, that, I don't get.
Just standard policy.
- Can I be honest with you?
- Sure.
If my arrival time was
after my appointment time,
I think I would lie
about the arrival time.
- Why would you lie?
- I don't know.
I'd feel like
I'm not being a good patient.
We just like to keep track of things.
Keep track of what
an uncooperative patient I am.
Are you?
Well, I'm saying, hypothetically,
I could be.
But you'd never know because
I would lie about it anyway.
If you could just put down
your arrival time...
- Here's the Wilson file for you.
- Thanks, Angie.
Angie. I'm Larry David, I'm a friend
of Jeff Greene.
He's the one who recommended me
to come here.
- Jeff's so cool.
- Yeah. Love Jeff.
So I guess I'll see you in a minute
in the back.
Okay.
- I love those earrings.
- They're new.
- Are they diamonds?
- Yes, they are.
- Means they're expensive.
- I know. I treated myself.
- I don't wanna feel guilty about it.
- You shouldn't.
- I shouldn't. And I won't.
- I like that.
You took the middle?
Okay, Mister David. How we doin'?
We takin' good care of you, huh?
I'm having such a blast. I wish
I could come every day to see you.
Somehow I don't believe you.
Let me ask you something.
And please don't take this
the wrong way.
How does it feel to know
that nobody wants to see you?
Well, they probably have problems
with other dentists,
but once they come here,
they wanna come back.
But they don't want to come back.
Whatever you say.
Let's get down to work, okay?
We just made the impression,
so now, I'm going to make you
a temporary crown.
You listening to me?
And then you come back in a week,
I'm gonna put the permanent in
and that's it.
And then you don't have to see me
anymore, okay?
No hard foods.
No hard candy, taffy,
things like that, chewing on apples,
okay?
Now, let me just take a look
at your x-rays.
No, I'm serious. Four and a half years,
I've not taken a single day off.
So I deserve like, honestly...
- Could you do me a favor?
- Sure, what?
Could you turn the music down,
please?
You want me to turn down
the Greek music?
- Yeah.
- This is a Greek office.
Yeah, I understand but still,
it feels wrong here.
It's the music of my ancestors.
Not necessarily the music
of your patients though.
Well, I'm so sorry I offended you.
You're not offending me.
I'm just asking you to turn it down.
You're coming into my office and
you're telling me what to do.
I'm not telling you. I'm asking you.
Does this really bother you
that much?
- Don't take it personally.
- Well, I am!
You come in here and you tell me
you don't like the music,
like it's annoying to you,
that you don't like Greek music.
- Yeah.
- You don't like it, go.
You wanna leave?
Okay, we're done here,
- You're kickin' me out?
- Yes, I'm kicking you out.
- Fine, good.
- Okay, good. We're done.
But you didn't finish!
You gotta put the crown in.
My mouth is no good.
I don't give a shit about your crown.
And you were late anyway.
Asshole!
- Julio?
- Yes, sir.
Boy, you really get around.
So let me ask you something.
Don Jr. still hasn't spoken to you?
No. And I was there yesterday,
on his floor.
I don't know what to say.
It's remarkable.
Junior, Don Jr.
Have a good day.
Asshole.
So the music is blaring.
Going to the dentist, it's excruciating
enough without hearing that music.
That makes it ten times worse.
And that Greek music is very specific,
you know what I mean?
I put that shit in a category
of their fuckin' feta cheese.
- You gotta be into that shit.
- Do you like feta cheese?
No, fuck that. I don't think mice
like that shit.
What you should do is this, you send
an email before you go to the dentist,
let him know what you wanna hear.
So what kinda music
does your dentist play?
He plays what the fuck I tell him
to play. It's like playlist courtesy.
But what do you generally listen to
on the chair?
One, stripper music,
or two, Bossa Nova, see?
One is for takin' off your clothes.
And one is for puttin' clothes on.
- I like Bossa Nova.
- I love Bossa Nova.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey.
- Hi, honey!
- How you doing?
So you have everything you need
for taking care of him?
Yeah. We're gonna have a good time.
What do you mean? What do
you mean, taking care of him?
I'm gonna be taking care of the dog
for a few days
while she does the little job thing.
The dog's staying here for a few days?
Are you serious?
You don't think you could've asked me?
You guys are gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna say:
"The whole time you're in Asia,
I wanna take care of Angel Muffin."
Who? What?
- Angel Muffin.
- Angel Muffin?
- Angel Muffin?
- Yes.
That's her name? Angel Muffin?
- His name.
- Him? Him?
You named a male, Angel Muffin?
- I did.
- Why?
Because when I saw him at the rescue,
that's the name that popped
into my head.
There's no gender to angels or muffins.
You gotta be kidding.
That's like a five year old
would name their dog that.
You're gonna fall in love
with this damn dog too.
I could never say that name out loud.
It's too humiliating.
I would never shout out that name
under any circumstances.
Well, you have to.
That's all he responds to.
Come say hi to Larry.
Angel Muffin. See?
You can't just call a dog anything.
Motherfucker won't turn around.
Stop scratching the pillow!
What's going on here?
Angel Muffin, stop.
See, you gotta say Angel Muffin
first, then you say stop.
Angel Muffin, off the couch.
Easy.
By the way, how did the dog
enjoy the steak?
He didn't, actually.
It made him really sick.
Yeah, he's been throwing up.
Wait a second. Throwing up, where?
All over the place.
What's he doing in the house?
Get him outta the house.
- It'll be fine.
- I don't want the dog in the house.
What the fuck?
Angel Muffin, how are you doing?
He's sick.
What? Come on!
I told ya! Look at that!
Poor baby.
Angel Muffin, up.
Look at that. Now this is how
your towels should feel.
So, Angie the hygienist.
What do you got for me?
I know she was showing off
these new diamond earrings.
And she said, well,
I'm treating myself.
- She's treating herself.
- Yeah. Treating herself.
- With your money.
- With my money.
Also, I heard something about
how she never took a day off.
Who doesn't take a day off
for an abortion?
How do you get an abortion, then clean
someone's teeth in the same day?
- Not unless you're a sociopath.
- You might be getting taken.
But the thing is, I don't know.
And I wanna do what's right.
- Exactly.
- We need definitive proof.
You know what we need?
Private detective.
You know who we need?
Mister Barnaby Jones.
- Is this big enough for him to take?
- Most definitely.
Going into the office...
Mister Jones, here's our problem.
Yeah. You want Barnaby Jones
on this case.
- Thank you so very much.
- You're so welcome.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Hey!
- You started already?
- Yeah.
You couldn't wait?
Now what kind of behavior is that?
Who wants to wait?
What's the point?
What is this mishegoss I'm hearing
with you at the dentist?
What the hell happened?
By the way, you could've warned me
about the music.
- Jeff loves it.
- I tune it out.
But listen,
you gotta talk to him for me.
He's got the crown. I need the crown.
I'll work it. Don't worry about it.
You ran into Cheryl, I heard.
Yeah. What are you talking about
my towels to Cheryl for?
- I thought Cheryl would be interested.
- Why? Who cares?
That the towels went downhill
since she lived with you.
Stop gossiping about my towels.
They're none of your business.
I'm getting new towels now
and I'm gonna make them ratty,
and in ten years, you're gonna see
so many great towels.
You're getting new towels,
you're gonna make them ratty, how?
You wash, and you wash,
you hit 'em against the rock,
and then you age your towels
until I get it right.
- But it takes years.
- You got a big rock in your backyard?
- Yes, I have a rock in my backyard.
- And you use it for aging towels?
Aging towels, yes.
If your towels weren't so ratty,
I wouldn't have to talk about them.
You wanna talk about me? Fine.
You wanna talk about my relationships?
Fine. Do not discuss my towels.
So what's going on with the casting
and everything? Everything good?
We gotta figure out what to do
about this Dylan O'Brien.
We need to somehow apologize,
but that's not gonna do anything.
- So maybe a gift.
- What kind of gift?
- I don't know.
- What does he like?
I don't know what he likes.
I know nothing, except that
he likes dogs, which we know.
He's just crazy about dogs.
He loves 'em.
He can't get enough of dogs.
How do you do?
Who's such a good doggie?
Who's such a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
Larry?
- Hey.
- Hey, what are you doing at my place?
This is the place
you were telling me about.
Yeah, it's my restaurant.
Are you walking a dog?
Do I have a dog?
I sure do. Look at this guy.
You didn't mention that you had a dog.
I've had him
about two and a half years.
He a rescue? You didn't get him
from a breeder, right?
No, a literal rescue.
Crazy story.
I'm walking down 26th Street,
and I hear this whimper
coming from a dumpster.
That's so fucked up.
I go over there and I hear the whimper
again. It gets louder.
- He's scared.
- I dive into that dumpster.
It was disgusting.
I had ravioli all over me.
I sift through the garbage, I come
out with this amazing miracle.
Took him home, gave him a bath,
he's my best friend.
We watch TV together.
He retrieves golf balls that I hit
at the high school.
- No way!
- I love this kid.
Aren't they amazing?
Dogs save your life.
Sorry, I can't.
Dogs are just my whole heart.
- Why don't you join me?
- Really?
- Bring that little guy over here..
- I'd love to. That would be great.
So what's your little guy's name?
- Dumpster.
- Dumpster? 'Cause...
I found him in the dumpster.
- Shut up!
- You shouldn't talk to him like that.
No, no, you gotta be strict
with these.
You gotta be strict with them.
Shut the fuck up, okay?
By the way, I just wanna apologize
again for the other night.
- The tissue thing...
- Yeah, the tissue thing.
Look, you know, I'm sorry too
'cause I can get a little testy.
Yes, of course,
you're a sensitive artist.
To be honest, I reflected on that night
and I think I was feeling
a lot of insecurities, you know?
I'm actually kinda glad I ran into you.
I'm seeing a new side of you today.
You want daddy?
You gotta poopies?
You gotta do a poopy?
You know what?
I think it's poo poo time.
Listen, I'll be right back
and why don't we talk a little more
about Young Larry?
Yeah. Great.
I'll be back.
Shut up.
I am so excited.
I've never been here for lunch.
- I've heard so much about this place.
- It's expensive.
Don't worry about it.
It's on me.
So, I'm gonna be taking some time off.
- You are?
- Yes.
Because I am gonna go
on a ten day retreat...
Quiet!
Costa Rica? That's a little far.
I'm gonna go to this four star retreat.
Don't bark. Shut up.
Bad dog!
No!
Angel Mu...
Hey, buddy, what the fuck?
Why didn't you call your dog's name?
Couldn't say it.
All right. Well, needless to say,
Dylan is out.
Not doing the show.
There's plenty of people.
We're gonna be fine.
Let's get another actor.
He's not the only actor.
- We'll get some names together.
- There you go.
- Let's get going.
- All right, let's get going. Come on.
A little puppy got grazed by a car.
He's okay.
- Not the end of the world.
- We're going.
Thank you for your time.
You know what?
Forgot to mention, I spoke
to the maintenance guy.
And he said that you guys never spoke.
I'm sorry. We're talking
about the toilet again?
Yeah, 'cause you said
that you spoke to him
and he said, that you never spoke.
Well, Larry, I can assure you
that I spoke to the maintenance guy
about the toilet seat problem.
Really? Why would he say
that you didn't?
Larry, are you calling me a liar?
I don't know.
Who am I supposed to believe,
the maintenance guy or Don Jr.?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I think you know what it means.
- No, I don't know what that means.
- You don't know what Don Jr. means?
You should take your show and I think
you should find a better home for it.
- With pleasure, Don Jr.
- Fantastic. Good seeing ya, Larry.
- Goodbye, Don Jr.
- Thank you, Larry.
- Bye, Larry.
- See ya, Don Jr.
- Thank you, Larry.
- Okay, Don Jr.
Mary Ferguson is gone, Larry.
And it's your fault!
It's so hard to find fucking
Mary Fergusons, man.
That's two Mary Fergusons
you cost me.
Mary Fergusons don't fuckin' grow
on trees.
You think I'm happy?
My show's over at Netflix 'cause
I didn't wanna work with a liar.
And your precious Mary Ferguson
is bilking me for more money.
- How?
- The dog needed hip surgery, fine.
Now, she's saying
there are complications.
You know what I think?
I think it's a scam,
the same way that hygienist is
scamming Jeff about the abortion.
Taking a dog to the fuckin' vet
is like taking your fuckin' car
to the dealership.
They add shit on.
Veterinary teeth cleanings,
all kinda dumb shit.
They clean the ass out.
Cut the nails.
Dog gets worms and shit. They gotta
de-worm these motherfuckers,
take the worms out
these motherfuckers.
I don't give a fuck!
I want you to talk to her, okay?
I didn't yell the dog's name, fine.
But this is not fair.
What the fuck is she gonna do?
She's over this shit, you understand?
I invested in that ass.
And who the fuck is gonna go
on my trip now?
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
But there is some good news.
Fuck.
Yeah, that's nice.
That's a soft towel.
I'm done with coarse towels.
This is the way to go.
I was wrong. I'm looking forward
to my next shower.
Yeah, fuck that.
I'm taking this shit
to my fuckin' room.
What are you doing? Give me
those towels. What are you doing?
Fuck you, Larry!
Anyway, I'm so sorry
for what happened the other day.
That's really not a true representation
of who I am.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Since that visit, I've been listening
to Greek music
and it turns out, you know what,
I really like it.
- Are you kidding me?
- It's so fun.
All right. Okay.
Don't hurt yourself.
- I love it.
- I knew you'd like Greek music.
You were so right, Dr. Thanapapalous.
You know, my father always said,
"It takes a great man to be able
to recognize that he was wrong."
And I accept your apology.
I guess you're saying
I'm a great man.
Your permanent crown
is waiting for you.
I'm gonna go get it.
I will take care of you.
Thank you, Dr. Thanapapalous.
You too are a great man.
Two great men...
Okay, Mister David. How you doing?
You good?
Good. They're the best...
You like it? And next is the sailor
dance in the weddings.
They crash plates and everything.
Have you ever seen that?
You're really getting into it, huh?
I love it.
Excuse me, Dr. Thanapapalous.
The urinal is still broken in the men's
room, and people are complaining.
- Julio didn't fix it?
- No.
I talked to him twice this week.
Okay, okay, I'll call him. Thank you.
That son of a bitch janitor.
This Julio, he promised me,
he looked me in the face
and he said he was gonna
fix the urinal and he didn't.
He's a fuckin' liar!
I asked him twice.
Every day, he promising me
and he doesn't fix it.
- I think he drinks.
- Yeah.
You never lie to a Greek,
especially the Greek mafia.
I'm just kidding.
Here you go, doctor.
Thank you, Angie.
Do you need anything else right now?
No. I'm good, thank you.
Poor thing.
She's really down.
- She had an abortion last week.
- Good.
But you know what?
She didn't miss one day of work.
about this show.
We've been talkin' about it
all week long.
Is that so?
Just a little bit a little bit
of housekeeping.
On the casting side of things,
you guys are pretty keen
on this particular young woman
to play Marsha Lifshitz, right?
- What's the name...
- Maria Sofia Estrada.
Maria Sofia Estrada, yeah.
Where'd you find her?
We couldn't find her on IMDb.
- Is she on TikTok?
- Does she do theater?
Does she do theater?
You know what, are you ready?
Yeah.
A friend of mine, his daughter
goes to high school
and they're doing a high school
production of Romeo & Juliet.
And his daughter was playing
Mrs. Montague.
He asked me if I wanted to go.
Sure, I'll go.
I love theater. Sue me.
What am I, crazy?
I just love it, you know?
I sit there and I go...
It's theater, you know?
It's all live. It's happening.
But anyway, his daughter,
sorry to say, she didn't have it,
but the girl playing Juliet, my God,
she was sensational.
Can you guys believe it?
My daughter's gonna be the star
of Larry David's new show!
I mean, she was incredible.
I went backstage,
I saw my friend's daughter, I said:
"Very good, where's Juliet?"
And I went to find Juliet
and she came in to audition.
- She's like a discovery.
- So she read for you already?
She read, yes.
The electricity in the room,
forget about it.
I'd love to see the tape.
WelI, I did not tell you this.
What?
I accidently erased
the tape yesterday.
I know, I've been hesitant to tell you.
Oh my God, Jeff, how did
you do that? You fuckin' idiot.
You're a fuckin' idiot,
you know that?
Can I tell you something? I am.
- You are.
- I am. I'm a fuckin' idiot.
- I'm so sorry.
- So, no tape. Okay.
Who told you to futz with it?
Look, I got a little crazy.
What do you want from me?
Shut up. Just shut up.
Bit of a ray of sunshine, then.
We have a kid we think is fantastic
for young Larry.
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
Dylan O'Brien.
You guys know Dylan O'Brien?
He's so hot right now.
He was in Teen Wolf.
He's in the Maze Runner trilogies.
We think he's young Larry.
Attaching someone like Dylan,
this show goes for a very long time.
So, look, he's in a band. He's got
a little pet project aside,
Dylan O'Brien and the Entrails.
- They're great.
- They're actually pretty good.
And he plays guitar and drums.
- Come to the show tomorrow.
- He's gonna be singing?
Yeah, he's gonna sing.
If you're going, I'm going.
You going?
So, you'll go?
- Okay.
- Okay, great.
Rock concert?
Can't stand rock concerts.
This is pure torture for me.
Honestly, so loud, you know?
It's a nightclub.
There's not gonna be places to sit.
Exactly. And we're gonna have
to go backstage
and pretend that we liked it. It's...
Who needs that?
Fucking tooth is killin' me, man.
- You got a good dentist?
- He retired.
- He did? I got the guy for you.
- Really?
Doctor Thanapapalous. He's fantastic.
Maybe I'll go to him.
You gotta go to him.
However, if you do go,
there's a young lady named Angie.
Great girl, great hygienist.
I got her pregnant.
And she got an abortion.
And, yeah...
- I'm sorry. Holy cow!
- One big headache.
- You paid for the abortion?
- Of course I paid for the abortion.
What are you supposed to do?
She's beautiful, flirted with me.
What am I gonna do?
What have you got going for you?
I don't get it.
By the way, I don't question it.
- So that's over now?
- Yeah, we're not dating anymore.
All right, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
Pee before you leave,
that's my credo.
It's a good credo.
Come on in. Hey.
- Sorry to interrupt.
- No, not at all.
We're talking about you.
I just wanted to let you know that
I was using the unisex bathroom.
- The toilet seat does not stay up.
- I'm sorry about that.
I was climbing on the rim.
Then I was holdin' it up with my foot
because that thing can't come down
in midstream
because I don't have the urethral
discipline I had when I was a youth.
But it beat the alternative,
which is sitting...
Pants on the floor, you know what?
Those pants go
right in the incinerator.
I swear to you, if those pants
touch that floor,
I'm going home in my underwear.
- That's fantastic.
- Anyway...
Thank you for bringing it
to our attention.
- I will talk to maintenance.
- You'll talk to maintenance?
- Absolutely, you got it. We're on it.
- Okay, you go back to your business.
Thanks, Larry.
And you're going to Asia with him?
You don't even know him.
I like adventure, new places,
new man.
See new things. Fuck yeah.
I call her Deuce. Number two.
- Mary Ferguson 2?
- That's right.
By the way, let me give you
a little tip, okay?
You're gonna be with this guy?
Don't walk into any glass doors.
I'll try not to.
Okay, well, I'm still hungry.
My steak was amazing.
So good.
Are you gonna finish it?
No, I'm gonna save that for my dog.
Can I have some?
No, I'm gonna give it to my dog.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't have a piece of that?
- No. Taking it in a doggie bag.
That dog is sittin' at home anticipating
a doggie bag coming home.
They're not expecting five slices.
Got five slices there.
What if you brought home three slices
and gave me two?
Will that kill anybody?
No, I'm gonna take it all
for my dog.
Humans should take precedence
over an animal.
But pets should take precedence
over someone I just met.
- So you' re not gonna give me any?
- No.
- Okay.
- Makes sense to me.
You know what makes sense to me?
If you wanna give your dog
all your steak,
perhaps you should pay for it.
No, no, that's not wow. This is wow.
No. Asking me to pay...
No, no. Dog over man,
that's the wow.
"I want you to pay
for this meal". That's a wow.
"I'm gonna give my dog five slices
of my steak and not this guy."
"You should pay for the bill."
That's wow.
I got the wow.
That's not the wow!
So, listen, I don't know what
to make of this.
Angie told me she's having
complications
and she needs more money.
From the abortion? Jesus!
What complications?
Man, oh man,
that sounds a tad suspicious.
She might be taking
complete advantage of me.
How are you supposed to know?
She could say anything.
Right. That's why
you're on a secret mission.
When you're at the dentist, you need
to find out what's going on.
So when you go there,
keep an eye out.
- Hey, Jeff.
- But he's good.
That touchdown wasn't a touchdown.
Hey, what are you doing here?
We gotta go see that kid
play at a concert, the young actor.
The actor for the show.
We got the new towels.
Fluffy. Feel this,
new fluffy towels.
Not like your ratty old towels.
What? What'd you say
about my towels?
I said not like
your ratty old towels.
Ratty towels? I have ratty towels?
- Well, it's just a fact, Larry.
- It's not a fact.
- My towels are not ratty.
- Don't take such offense.
We get new towels every few years.
You need to get some new towels.
No, you're wrong.
I don't need new towels.
Towels are better when they're
washed over and over again,
like a pair of jeans.
They dry you a lot better.
They're aged.
Because new doesn't dry.
You pat dry. I rub dry.
That's the difference.
You wanna keep patting dry
for the rest of your life,
go pat dry because you don't know
the pleasures of a rub dry.
Well, you know I love
the fluffy towels. Oh, my God.
But when I wanna do a quick dry
and thorough,
I'd love to have some aged towels.
Can we keep a couple aged?
You see what you're doing now? You're
turning him against my nice new towels.
- I didn't need your butt-insky.
- Come on. We'd better go.
We're not keeping the old towels!
Can I get a champagne, please?
Oh my Lord.
Look at this. Look who's here.
- Fancy meeting you here.
- I know. How's it going?
- Good, what are you doing here?
- I came to watch Dylan.
My friend, Ann, is his publicist.
So I've known him for a very long time.
What are you doing here?
We're scouting this Dylan O'Brien.
Maybe he's gonna be in our show.
Well, it's fun to be here, right?
It's kinda seedy.
- A little ratty. Like your towels.
- What?
When I say ratty,
I think of your towels.
Like my towels? Ratty like my towels?
Did Susie talk to you about my towels?
I'm just saying your towels are old
and ratty.
Did Susie say that to you recently?
Don't talk about my towels.
And don't say they're ratty
'cause they're not ratty.
- Don't say the word ratty?
- No, don't say the word ratty.
Don't use them in your analogies
any more if something is ratty.
A ratty towel has holes in it and
you use it to clean up vomit.
So let's just agree to disagree.
No, I don't agree to disagree.
I disagree to disagree.
And I don't wanna hear it again.
I love you, Dylan!
Enjoy the show. We'll see you later.
Let's go.
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches.
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
Peaches come from a can,
They were put there by a man,
in a factory downtown.
I mean, what else did we expect?
- It's intolerable.
- My ears are bleeding.
This is really one of the worst
experiences of my life,
I'm not exaggerating.
Oh, no, drums!
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
I'm moving to the country...
Thank you. Holy shit.
I'm moving to the country,
I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
He's eating a lot of peaches.
Millions of peaches,
peaches for free.
The last Peaches verse,
I think best we've ever done.
And we're gonna run with it.
- Hey!
- This fuckin' guy, what's going on?
That was fantastic. Oh my God,
we loved it. It was amazing.
I was clapping and swaying
and clapping and swaying.
You have no idea how much
that means to me.
It makes me connected to you.
I'm sorry, you got like hearing aids?
You got fuckin' tissue in your ears.
To block sound, possibly?
- Can you believe?
- Look at that.
Loved the show.
Loved it so much,
I put fuckin' tissue in my ear.
Definitely not in there to
block the sound out of the show.
There was a guy standing behind me.
- So loud.
- Screaming in my ear.
And he was drowning out the show.
And this way, I was able to drown him
out and still get the essence.
I think you're full of shit,
a little bit.
To tell you the truth,
it was a tad loud for us, okay?
See, that's all you gotta say.
We don't get music. It's not our thing.
We want you for your acting.
I'll give you one more shot.
You say you're a fan of my acting?
What performance of mine
really resonated with you?
- Of your acting?
- Yeah.
- You know, the...
- What have you seen?
I've seen the one where
you were in the kitchen cooking.
- The boat movie.
- The boat movie.
There's no boat. There's no kitchen.
You never cooked chicken alfredo
with a friend?
No. See, my art means
a lot to me, okay?
Something I do out there every time
is profound.
Did you write that peaches song?
No, technically, I didn't write
the peaches song, no.
What would prompt a person
to sing such an idiotic song?
Because the way it's aged
20 years later,
don't you see how relevant it is now?
- No, I don't.
- Okay, see, I can take the honesty.
I can take criticism.
What great artist couldn't?
- Name one who could.
- I'll tell you what.
- You're looking at him.
- You want the straight dope?
I promise you I can take it.
I'm ready to grow.
In two words, it stunk.
- Go fuck yourself.
- I thought you said you could take it?
You think that you got a shot in hell
at me doing this show?
Listen, let's just cut the cord, okay?
I'm a kind person, all right?
I'm a very peaceful guy.
Dogs are my life, right?
I started a restaurant
where you can sit and eat a meal
with your dog next to you outside.
- First of its kind.
- You didn't start the first one.
- I see people sitting outdoor...
- Show me one place. Name one.
Name one other restaurant
that does that?
- Burger King.
- I gotta be honest.
I took an edible
soon as the show ended
and it's really starting to kick in,
so I need to get in my zone, do some
yoga. Do some MDMA.
You sure you didn't that take edible
before the show?
- Get the fuck out, okay?
- Okay. Sure.
I got a call from his manager, Larry.
And Dylan was offended.
Yeah. Dylan is someone,
as I said before,
that we are very high on
at the network.
I'm not sure after the conversations
that we've had,
that the show works without Dylan.
- You know what, I like the kid.
- He's great, right?
I liked his personality,
very charming. Funny.
Qualities I think I had
when I was a young man, right?
I think he's a perfect fit for the show.
- I see him as young Larry.
- So do we.
So, what I think would be appropriate
is some sort of apology.
- I will apologize.
- Fantastic.
See that palm? That's where
he's gonna be eating out of very soon.
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that
because if we can land
someone like Dylan,
that helps us work with your unknown,
Maria Sofia Estrada,
which you guys are still leaning
towards?
- Absolutely.
- Oh my God, that performance...
We were wondering, 'cause it came up
from our morning meeting,
would she go back on tape?
They wanna see tape.
You wanna see tape?
We'll get you a tape!
Get outta here, of course,
we'll get you tape.
That would be great.
Unfortunately, can't do it right away
because she's out of town, so...
We can send her equipment.
We can get her a tripod...
She could shoot on her phone.
Very busy, very busy.
She's too busy.
Did she get a gig?
Is she on set some place?
No, no, she's doing
Habitat for Humanity.
Good for her. That's commendable.
Where is she doing that?
In New Mexico.
- Why there?
- Well, it's close to Mexico.
And she's got family
across the border.
And they like the fact that
she's working nearby.
Well, as soon as she's free,
we'd love to get her back on tape
and that would...
- Well, thank you.
- You know...
One more thing before we go.
I used that unisex bathroom
before the meeting.
And I noticed that the seat,
it's still not staying up.
Did you talk to the maintenance guy?
Yeah. I did right after we spoke.
It's an odd thing,
'cause those maintenance guys,
they're usually right on it,
especially from the big cheese.
It's a big building.
Lots of things.
Sounds good.
So you gonna apologize to the actor?
- I don't think that's gonna cut it.
- Nope.
You gotta come up
with something different.
- Something...
- Big.
Something interesting.
Julio. Hi. How are ya?
Good.
Julio works in the building
where my dentist office is.
Yeah? And you also work here?
Yes, sir.
You spoke to Don Jr. about the toilet
seat that, uh, won't stay up?
No one said anything
about a broken toilet seat.
Don Jr. didn't talk to you about a
toilet seat on the sixth floor bathroom
that won't stay up?
Nobody's talked to me about
a toilet that doesn't stay up.
Maybe he spoke to somebody else.
If it was broken,
they would speak to me
'cause I fix everything in the building.
Why would he tell me he spoke
to you when he didn't?
Junior...
Fuckin' Junior.
I noticed you got arrival time here.
Why do you need arrival time?
I could see appointment time,
but the arrival time, that, I don't get.
Just standard policy.
- Can I be honest with you?
- Sure.
If my arrival time was
after my appointment time,
I think I would lie
about the arrival time.
- Why would you lie?
- I don't know.
I'd feel like
I'm not being a good patient.
We just like to keep track of things.
Keep track of what
an uncooperative patient I am.
Are you?
Well, I'm saying, hypothetically,
I could be.
But you'd never know because
I would lie about it anyway.
If you could just put down
your arrival time...
- Here's the Wilson file for you.
- Thanks, Angie.
Angie. I'm Larry David, I'm a friend
of Jeff Greene.
He's the one who recommended me
to come here.
- Jeff's so cool.
- Yeah. Love Jeff.
So I guess I'll see you in a minute
in the back.
Okay.
- I love those earrings.
- They're new.
- Are they diamonds?
- Yes, they are.
- Means they're expensive.
- I know. I treated myself.
- I don't wanna feel guilty about it.
- You shouldn't.
- I shouldn't. And I won't.
- I like that.
You took the middle?
Okay, Mister David. How we doin'?
We takin' good care of you, huh?
I'm having such a blast. I wish
I could come every day to see you.
Somehow I don't believe you.
Let me ask you something.
And please don't take this
the wrong way.
How does it feel to know
that nobody wants to see you?
Well, they probably have problems
with other dentists,
but once they come here,
they wanna come back.
But they don't want to come back.
Whatever you say.
Let's get down to work, okay?
We just made the impression,
so now, I'm going to make you
a temporary crown.
You listening to me?
And then you come back in a week,
I'm gonna put the permanent in
and that's it.
And then you don't have to see me
anymore, okay?
No hard foods.
No hard candy, taffy,
things like that, chewing on apples,
okay?
Now, let me just take a look
at your x-rays.
No, I'm serious. Four and a half years,
I've not taken a single day off.
So I deserve like, honestly...
- Could you do me a favor?
- Sure, what?
Could you turn the music down,
please?
You want me to turn down
the Greek music?
- Yeah.
- This is a Greek office.
Yeah, I understand but still,
it feels wrong here.
It's the music of my ancestors.
Not necessarily the music
of your patients though.
Well, I'm so sorry I offended you.
You're not offending me.
I'm just asking you to turn it down.
You're coming into my office and
you're telling me what to do.
I'm not telling you. I'm asking you.
Does this really bother you
that much?
- Don't take it personally.
- Well, I am!
You come in here and you tell me
you don't like the music,
like it's annoying to you,
that you don't like Greek music.
- Yeah.
- You don't like it, go.
You wanna leave?
Okay, we're done here,
- You're kickin' me out?
- Yes, I'm kicking you out.
- Fine, good.
- Okay, good. We're done.
But you didn't finish!
You gotta put the crown in.
My mouth is no good.
I don't give a shit about your crown.
And you were late anyway.
Asshole!
- Julio?
- Yes, sir.
Boy, you really get around.
So let me ask you something.
Don Jr. still hasn't spoken to you?
No. And I was there yesterday,
on his floor.
I don't know what to say.
It's remarkable.
Junior, Don Jr.
Have a good day.
Asshole.
So the music is blaring.
Going to the dentist, it's excruciating
enough without hearing that music.
That makes it ten times worse.
And that Greek music is very specific,
you know what I mean?
I put that shit in a category
of their fuckin' feta cheese.
- You gotta be into that shit.
- Do you like feta cheese?
No, fuck that. I don't think mice
like that shit.
What you should do is this, you send
an email before you go to the dentist,
let him know what you wanna hear.
So what kinda music
does your dentist play?
He plays what the fuck I tell him
to play. It's like playlist courtesy.
But what do you generally listen to
on the chair?
One, stripper music,
or two, Bossa Nova, see?
One is for takin' off your clothes.
And one is for puttin' clothes on.
- I like Bossa Nova.
- I love Bossa Nova.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey.
- Hi, honey!
- How you doing?
So you have everything you need
for taking care of him?
Yeah. We're gonna have a good time.
What do you mean? What do
you mean, taking care of him?
I'm gonna be taking care of the dog
for a few days
while she does the little job thing.
The dog's staying here for a few days?
Are you serious?
You don't think you could've asked me?
You guys are gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna say:
"The whole time you're in Asia,
I wanna take care of Angel Muffin."
Who? What?
- Angel Muffin.
- Angel Muffin?
- Angel Muffin?
- Yes.
That's her name? Angel Muffin?
- His name.
- Him? Him?
You named a male, Angel Muffin?
- I did.
- Why?
Because when I saw him at the rescue,
that's the name that popped
into my head.
There's no gender to angels or muffins.
You gotta be kidding.
That's like a five year old
would name their dog that.
You're gonna fall in love
with this damn dog too.
I could never say that name out loud.
It's too humiliating.
I would never shout out that name
under any circumstances.
Well, you have to.
That's all he responds to.
Come say hi to Larry.
Angel Muffin. See?
You can't just call a dog anything.
Motherfucker won't turn around.
Stop scratching the pillow!
What's going on here?
Angel Muffin, stop.
See, you gotta say Angel Muffin
first, then you say stop.
Angel Muffin, off the couch.
Easy.
By the way, how did the dog
enjoy the steak?
He didn't, actually.
It made him really sick.
Yeah, he's been throwing up.
Wait a second. Throwing up, where?
All over the place.
What's he doing in the house?
Get him outta the house.
- It'll be fine.
- I don't want the dog in the house.
What the fuck?
Angel Muffin, how are you doing?
He's sick.
What? Come on!
I told ya! Look at that!
Poor baby.
Angel Muffin, up.
Look at that. Now this is how
your towels should feel.
So, Angie the hygienist.
What do you got for me?
I know she was showing off
these new diamond earrings.
And she said, well,
I'm treating myself.
- She's treating herself.
- Yeah. Treating herself.
- With your money.
- With my money.
Also, I heard something about
how she never took a day off.
Who doesn't take a day off
for an abortion?
How do you get an abortion, then clean
someone's teeth in the same day?
- Not unless you're a sociopath.
- You might be getting taken.
But the thing is, I don't know.
And I wanna do what's right.
- Exactly.
- We need definitive proof.
You know what we need?
Private detective.
You know who we need?
Mister Barnaby Jones.
- Is this big enough for him to take?
- Most definitely.
Going into the office...
Mister Jones, here's our problem.
Yeah. You want Barnaby Jones
on this case.
- Thank you so very much.
- You're so welcome.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Hey!
- You started already?
- Yeah.
You couldn't wait?
Now what kind of behavior is that?
Who wants to wait?
What's the point?
What is this mishegoss I'm hearing
with you at the dentist?
What the hell happened?
By the way, you could've warned me
about the music.
- Jeff loves it.
- I tune it out.
But listen,
you gotta talk to him for me.
He's got the crown. I need the crown.
I'll work it. Don't worry about it.
You ran into Cheryl, I heard.
Yeah. What are you talking about
my towels to Cheryl for?
- I thought Cheryl would be interested.
- Why? Who cares?
That the towels went downhill
since she lived with you.
Stop gossiping about my towels.
They're none of your business.
I'm getting new towels now
and I'm gonna make them ratty,
and in ten years, you're gonna see
so many great towels.
You're getting new towels,
you're gonna make them ratty, how?
You wash, and you wash,
you hit 'em against the rock,
and then you age your towels
until I get it right.
- But it takes years.
- You got a big rock in your backyard?
- Yes, I have a rock in my backyard.
- And you use it for aging towels?
Aging towels, yes.
If your towels weren't so ratty,
I wouldn't have to talk about them.
You wanna talk about me? Fine.
You wanna talk about my relationships?
Fine. Do not discuss my towels.
So what's going on with the casting
and everything? Everything good?
We gotta figure out what to do
about this Dylan O'Brien.
We need to somehow apologize,
but that's not gonna do anything.
- So maybe a gift.
- What kind of gift?
- I don't know.
- What does he like?
I don't know what he likes.
I know nothing, except that
he likes dogs, which we know.
He's just crazy about dogs.
He loves 'em.
He can't get enough of dogs.
How do you do?
Who's such a good doggie?
Who's such a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
Larry?
- Hey.
- Hey, what are you doing at my place?
This is the place
you were telling me about.
Yeah, it's my restaurant.
Are you walking a dog?
Do I have a dog?
I sure do. Look at this guy.
You didn't mention that you had a dog.
I've had him
about two and a half years.
He a rescue? You didn't get him
from a breeder, right?
No, a literal rescue.
Crazy story.
I'm walking down 26th Street,
and I hear this whimper
coming from a dumpster.
That's so fucked up.
I go over there and I hear the whimper
again. It gets louder.
- He's scared.
- I dive into that dumpster.
It was disgusting.
I had ravioli all over me.
I sift through the garbage, I come
out with this amazing miracle.
Took him home, gave him a bath,
he's my best friend.
We watch TV together.
He retrieves golf balls that I hit
at the high school.
- No way!
- I love this kid.
Aren't they amazing?
Dogs save your life.
Sorry, I can't.
Dogs are just my whole heart.
- Why don't you join me?
- Really?
- Bring that little guy over here..
- I'd love to. That would be great.
So what's your little guy's name?
- Dumpster.
- Dumpster? 'Cause...
I found him in the dumpster.
- Shut up!
- You shouldn't talk to him like that.
No, no, you gotta be strict
with these.
You gotta be strict with them.
Shut the fuck up, okay?
By the way, I just wanna apologize
again for the other night.
- The tissue thing...
- Yeah, the tissue thing.
Look, you know, I'm sorry too
'cause I can get a little testy.
Yes, of course,
you're a sensitive artist.
To be honest, I reflected on that night
and I think I was feeling
a lot of insecurities, you know?
I'm actually kinda glad I ran into you.
I'm seeing a new side of you today.
You want daddy?
You gotta poopies?
You gotta do a poopy?
You know what?
I think it's poo poo time.
Listen, I'll be right back
and why don't we talk a little more
about Young Larry?
Yeah. Great.
I'll be back.
Shut up.
I am so excited.
I've never been here for lunch.
- I've heard so much about this place.
- It's expensive.
Don't worry about it.
It's on me.
So, I'm gonna be taking some time off.
- You are?
- Yes.
Because I am gonna go
on a ten day retreat...
Quiet!
Costa Rica? That's a little far.
I'm gonna go to this four star retreat.
Don't bark. Shut up.
Bad dog!
No!
Angel Mu...
Hey, buddy, what the fuck?
Why didn't you call your dog's name?
Couldn't say it.
All right. Well, needless to say,
Dylan is out.
Not doing the show.
There's plenty of people.
We're gonna be fine.
Let's get another actor.
He's not the only actor.
- We'll get some names together.
- There you go.
- Let's get going.
- All right, let's get going. Come on.
A little puppy got grazed by a car.
He's okay.
- Not the end of the world.
- We're going.
Thank you for your time.
You know what?
Forgot to mention, I spoke
to the maintenance guy.
And he said that you guys never spoke.
I'm sorry. We're talking
about the toilet again?
Yeah, 'cause you said
that you spoke to him
and he said, that you never spoke.
Well, Larry, I can assure you
that I spoke to the maintenance guy
about the toilet seat problem.
Really? Why would he say
that you didn't?
Larry, are you calling me a liar?
I don't know.
Who am I supposed to believe,
the maintenance guy or Don Jr.?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I think you know what it means.
- No, I don't know what that means.
- You don't know what Don Jr. means?
You should take your show and I think
you should find a better home for it.
- With pleasure, Don Jr.
- Fantastic. Good seeing ya, Larry.
- Goodbye, Don Jr.
- Thank you, Larry.
- Bye, Larry.
- See ya, Don Jr.
- Thank you, Larry.
- Okay, Don Jr.
Mary Ferguson is gone, Larry.
And it's your fault!
It's so hard to find fucking
Mary Fergusons, man.
That's two Mary Fergusons
you cost me.
Mary Fergusons don't fuckin' grow
on trees.
You think I'm happy?
My show's over at Netflix 'cause
I didn't wanna work with a liar.
And your precious Mary Ferguson
is bilking me for more money.
- How?
- The dog needed hip surgery, fine.
Now, she's saying
there are complications.
You know what I think?
I think it's a scam,
the same way that hygienist is
scamming Jeff about the abortion.
Taking a dog to the fuckin' vet
is like taking your fuckin' car
to the dealership.
They add shit on.
Veterinary teeth cleanings,
all kinda dumb shit.
They clean the ass out.
Cut the nails.
Dog gets worms and shit. They gotta
de-worm these motherfuckers,
take the worms out
these motherfuckers.
I don't give a fuck!
I want you to talk to her, okay?
I didn't yell the dog's name, fine.
But this is not fair.
What the fuck is she gonna do?
She's over this shit, you understand?
I invested in that ass.
And who the fuck is gonna go
on my trip now?
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
But there is some good news.
Fuck.
Yeah, that's nice.
That's a soft towel.
I'm done with coarse towels.
This is the way to go.
I was wrong. I'm looking forward
to my next shower.
Yeah, fuck that.
I'm taking this shit
to my fuckin' room.
What are you doing? Give me
those towels. What are you doing?
Fuck you, Larry!
Anyway, I'm so sorry
for what happened the other day.
That's really not a true representation
of who I am.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Since that visit, I've been listening
to Greek music
and it turns out, you know what,
I really like it.
- Are you kidding me?
- It's so fun.
All right. Okay.
Don't hurt yourself.
- I love it.
- I knew you'd like Greek music.
You were so right, Dr. Thanapapalous.
You know, my father always said,
"It takes a great man to be able
to recognize that he was wrong."
And I accept your apology.
I guess you're saying
I'm a great man.
Your permanent crown
is waiting for you.
I'm gonna go get it.
I will take care of you.
Thank you, Dr. Thanapapalous.
You too are a great man.
Two great men...
Okay, Mister David. How you doing?
You good?
Good. They're the best...
You like it? And next is the sailor
dance in the weddings.
They crash plates and everything.
Have you ever seen that?
You're really getting into it, huh?
I love it.
Excuse me, Dr. Thanapapalous.
The urinal is still broken in the men's
room, and people are complaining.
- Julio didn't fix it?
- No.
I talked to him twice this week.
Okay, okay, I'll call him. Thank you.
That son of a bitch janitor.
This Julio, he promised me,
he looked me in the face
and he said he was gonna
fix the urinal and he didn't.
He's a fuckin' liar!
I asked him twice.
Every day, he promising me
and he doesn't fix it.
- I think he drinks.
- Yeah.
You never lie to a Greek,
especially the Greek mafia.
I'm just kidding.
Here you go, doctor.
Thank you, Angie.
Do you need anything else right now?
No. I'm good, thank you.
Poor thing.
She's really down.
- She had an abortion last week.
- Good.
But you know what?
She didn't miss one day of work.