Crimi Clowns (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - full transcript
Wesley records how father Ronny Tersago's reign of terror crumbles completely. Rest home director Bruno pays the gruesome price as Wesley's grandmother 'escapes', teams up with his mother and returns 'home'. Jos Den Dief's patience with the liar is at an end,and the deal to pay him back goes sour.
Hello, dear friends of the better television scene.
Welcome back to Uncle Wesley's room.
Where the uncle would like to use a few minutes of air time
to put his dear grandmother in the spotlight.
What has she done ?
Do you know One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?
Great movie, huh, Bruno?
Jack Nicholson letting a gang of fools escape.
You're kidding!
Four of our severely demented residents. - Three.
No, wait.
Come on, dude. There is one in her mashed potatoes.
She lets those four women run and just goes back to bed.
That's at three in the morning.
When we realized it, all four of them were in a different congregation.
And Irma, in her bare ass,
we found on the central reservation of the ring.
Those drivers thought they saw a ghost.
But have you found all four of them?
So nothing bad actually happened?
Those children wonder if their mother is still safe here.
Irma's have filed a report and they are not the easiest, two judges.
Oh oh. judges.
They want the rest to take civil action.
With a little luck I can clean my shovel.
Bruno, you'll handle that, you dirty Jesuit.
Is that a real one?
The certificate.
Since 2009, the judiciary has regarded the following non-firearms as dangerous.
Stilettos, bucklers, plowshares, chokestrings, throwing stars, felting blades.
Not a word about women.
Wesley, stop that.
Why ?
Why do you think ? Idiot.
You wanted to be an actress, right?
Yes, come now.
No, I think that's too far.
Tuesday afternoon, November 29. Visitors.
Our old friend the Patron has always been very good at one thing.
Ruin the atmosphere.
Hela.
You didn't expect that, did you? - No.
I won't mind the mess.
Man, am I glad you're out of there.
You look like that, yes. Where is she ?
Rehearsing with our Wesley, I believe.
As a clown? - Yes. Well, as a singer.
Singer ?
Yes, a singing clown actually.
And how do you like it?
Did I say 'cut'? - 'Cunt' ?
Wasn't it good? - Did you hear me say 'cut'?
No.
Then keep going until I've fucking said 'cut'.
cunt !
I'm going to watch that rehearsal, I think.
Asshole. - Yes. Fantastic. Fucking Hitchcock.
Really so beautiful.
Dude, give me that bathrobe.
Dude, give it. Your phone is ringing.
Is he here already?
She's in the shower, I think. I'ill go knock.
Katia? - Yes.
I'd just hurry up if I were you.
Why ?
He's here.
The Patron?
And.
I really thought I lost you. - Calm down, little one, calm down.
Who did this ?
The naughty men. - Really ?
baby. - A clip? Well well.
You're going to be really proud of me.
Parrot is sick and he must die
make applesauce from preserves
Is that for children? - Yes of course.
You're fucking naked.
Patron, that's just pop music. Nowadays, just look at Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga kiss my ass. Who's singing that?
Us.
Her bits?
A studio singer. - Elsie Morais.
But she didn't want to show her tits so you decided to take this slut?
Who also happily gives you a blowjob.
Whether it's aired on TV or not, you guys had your fun.
Bunch of perverts.
Out of my house dude. Now.
You can start looking for another sponsor.
Katia.
Not doing well.
He is playing with his life.
We suspect that with little Don,
vengeful feelings and murderous thoughts arose.
Towards his girlfriend's boyfriend.
Just for a moment, because life goes on, little clowns of mine,
on and on.
Time to focus again on Uncle Jos's new car.
Well done again, mate.
One two three four.
That's not the one.
Am I right ?
What is it ? Swallowed your tongue? - This one is a year younger.
I didn't order this one.
Okay, then I'll keep it for myself. - No, no, no, Ronny.
That party's off.
I take it with me and you get 10,000 euros.
I can't drive on the street with that for the first three years.
The chassis number has been corrected and so are the papers.
Ronny...
That car is bloody hot.
Normally you're dead now.
But you have a daughter with problems
and a mother who has nowhere else to go.
But this is the last time you cheated me.
Okay ?
I need a line.
Now kiss my balls. They've been in here.
Come on, dude. All the weapons. All the dope. Fuck, dude.
The jewellery, ten Vuitton handbags. Damn !
My Japanese whiskey.
Who has a key? - You, me, the Lou and mom.
Mom returned hers.
No, she requested it back with an excuse and kept it.
No, Wes. - I'm sure, Dad.
Goddamnit !
I'll shoot André de Polies a bullet through his head, dude.
Now we're talking.
Okay. - Starting when?
Let's see from the day before last night.
Stop.
Shit, that's the EZ.
Who ?
Crapuul from Breda.
That's our Amber. - With the EZ.
Honey, what are you doing?
You should know.
Doesn't she know there are cameras?
Yes. She just doesn't care. She is fucked.
Fuck yourself, boy.
What does the EZ do for a living?
What do you think?
He looks like a dealer.
So ? It's a dealer.
Is your sister dating him?
yes.
Are we expecting someone?
No.
Fuck.
If you think you've had all the plagues of Egypt.
Then you get this. Villa Tersago, Brasschaat. Wednesday, Nov. 29.
The Empire strikes back.
In the beginning, my grandmother didn't really like my mother.
When my parents broke up,
she started to like my mother much more.
And now they're partners in crime, trying to make life miserable for my father.
That game is off, forget it. And if you think you're not getting a bea-...
oops. I didn't expect that second knock.
That was inspiration of the moment. - Grandma.
Oh, hi, Weske. No school today? - Vacation.
Hi, honey. Weske, help with grandma's suitcase.
How are you ?
Come on, dude, 24 bottles of single malt.
4 boxes of Havanas, a golden cigar cutter,
a golden allumeur, Ray-Ban sunglasses,
tickets for Club Brugge and U2,
an iPad, and a goddamn Rolex worth 5,000 euros.
3,000, dad.
Three, yes.
There they fucking are again.
Same shit every year.
Good day. - Don't you have our sticker yet, sir?
No. Is it as ugly this year?
There's action heroes on it this time
and you take part in a lottery for free, just two euros.
Seriously ? What's there to win ? - A car.
Which ? - A Skoda.
A Skoda? I've dreamed of that all my life.
Yes, this one has seen better days.
One sticker then?
W'ell take them all. - All of them ?
250 stickers, that's 500, sir.
500 euros is cheap for a Skoda, isn't it, madame.
Yes.
My stickers.
God damn it, Ronny. You startled me. You don't do that, do you?
Is everything hidden?
So they won't find you with a bullet in the brains and your dick in your hand.
I'm sorry, but I can't lock your mother in here.
Bruno, I may be getting a little forgetful,
but then you must help me.
Did I sign anything like discharge papers?
Rachel arranged all that.
Grab a whiskey and calm down.
Hola, cool.
He can keep it.
Bruno, Bruno.
I think he's back to his senses, but he's scared.
Know what? We'll set it on fire, then we'll know right away.
He's not acting.
Aren't we going to set him on fire?
I'll set you on fire, you crazy boy.
How was it ?
Very cosy.
Here aswell. - Yes, until half a minute ago.
You arrive just in time.
That's a nice cake.
From Maenhout.
I thought so, they have nice merchandise. - Definitely.
They come all the way from the city for their eclairs and carré jams.
That's unopened.
But it's an expensive one.
Maenhout bakery.
wow! Say thieves.
One Sunday Bompa paid with a note of 1,000 francs.
And that baker gives changes up until 500.
'I gave 1000', says grandpa.
'No', says the baker, 'here, this is yours.'
And she takes a 500 note from the till.
'No', said Grandpa, 'that's mine over there', pointing to a 1,000 note.
And she wouldn't give in.
But from then on, every time he had to go past that, he slowed down,
opened the window of his car and shouted: 'thieves!'
Sometimes he would take a detour. To pass by and be able to shout.
But has he ever seen his money back?
I went to get it the next day, but always forgot to tell him.
I bought new shoes for our Ronny with that money.
He always had such difficult feet. - Flat feet, right?
clubfeet.
Wes, Lou!
Asshole !
Oh, oh, this won't end well.
Never say, "It won't happen to me."
You've got everything you ever dreamed of. And you start to get used to it.
You'll think it's quite normal over the long run.
And one morning you wake up. And your world is burned to the ground.
All your friends and everyone you love is gone.
And your enemies are boss.
And everyone wants your head.
You're not going to see that. Your hair covers it.
Go wash your hands, and throw that revolver in the canal too.
But a few hundred meters further, you understand?
Yes, Madame.
Bye, Patron.
He was a man of few words,
but with a strong voice, a hard head and a mean right foot.
Nothing he did ever ended well
and there is nothing good to say about him.
He had few or no friends, and the friends he had,
were just as much loser or asshole like him.
The world is better off without him.
The devil have his soul.
I still feel sick from it.
From yesterday?
That's heavy, isn't it, mate? - Man, man.
Luckily you had that revolver in your pocket.
Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here.
I'm going to cancel that gig.
You can't that. They can trace that.
Wesley is right. You gotta act as if nothing happened.
Come on, guys. The Patron was my best friend.
I thought I was? - Jealous bitch.
Yes, being in jail together creates a bond.
And the same thing for pedophiles hanging together.
What was that ?
what was what?
About pedophile. - Pedophile? You're imagining things.
Careful, buddy. Don't go too far.
Wesley, did I say something about a pedophile or something?
Not that I've heard of.
Oh, mess with someone else.
I'm cancelling it. - Bad idea.
I can't perform after what happened.
I also performed when Jay was gone.
But he wasn't dead. - You did try your best.
What ?
The whole town knows you threw him off the bridge.
Because he was snitching on us.
He was reporting to our boss because you can't be trusted.
And that was my best friend.
That gun should have been in the canal for long now.
Who said that ?
My mother.
Can you hear for yourself now, how ridiculous you sound? I've been hearing that for ten years.
Welcome back to Uncle Wesley's room.
Where the uncle would like to use a few minutes of air time
to put his dear grandmother in the spotlight.
What has she done ?
Do you know One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?
Great movie, huh, Bruno?
Jack Nicholson letting a gang of fools escape.
You're kidding!
Four of our severely demented residents. - Three.
No, wait.
Come on, dude. There is one in her mashed potatoes.
She lets those four women run and just goes back to bed.
That's at three in the morning.
When we realized it, all four of them were in a different congregation.
And Irma, in her bare ass,
we found on the central reservation of the ring.
Those drivers thought they saw a ghost.
But have you found all four of them?
So nothing bad actually happened?
Those children wonder if their mother is still safe here.
Irma's have filed a report and they are not the easiest, two judges.
Oh oh. judges.
They want the rest to take civil action.
With a little luck I can clean my shovel.
Bruno, you'll handle that, you dirty Jesuit.
Is that a real one?
The certificate.
Since 2009, the judiciary has regarded the following non-firearms as dangerous.
Stilettos, bucklers, plowshares, chokestrings, throwing stars, felting blades.
Not a word about women.
Wesley, stop that.
Why ?
Why do you think ? Idiot.
You wanted to be an actress, right?
Yes, come now.
No, I think that's too far.
Tuesday afternoon, November 29. Visitors.
Our old friend the Patron has always been very good at one thing.
Ruin the atmosphere.
Hela.
You didn't expect that, did you? - No.
I won't mind the mess.
Man, am I glad you're out of there.
You look like that, yes. Where is she ?
Rehearsing with our Wesley, I believe.
As a clown? - Yes. Well, as a singer.
Singer ?
Yes, a singing clown actually.
And how do you like it?
Did I say 'cut'? - 'Cunt' ?
Wasn't it good? - Did you hear me say 'cut'?
No.
Then keep going until I've fucking said 'cut'.
cunt !
I'm going to watch that rehearsal, I think.
Asshole. - Yes. Fantastic. Fucking Hitchcock.
Really so beautiful.
Dude, give me that bathrobe.
Dude, give it. Your phone is ringing.
Is he here already?
She's in the shower, I think. I'ill go knock.
Katia? - Yes.
I'd just hurry up if I were you.
Why ?
He's here.
The Patron?
And.
I really thought I lost you. - Calm down, little one, calm down.
Who did this ?
The naughty men. - Really ?
baby. - A clip? Well well.
You're going to be really proud of me.
Parrot is sick and he must die
make applesauce from preserves
Is that for children? - Yes of course.
You're fucking naked.
Patron, that's just pop music. Nowadays, just look at Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga kiss my ass. Who's singing that?
Us.
Her bits?
A studio singer. - Elsie Morais.
But she didn't want to show her tits so you decided to take this slut?
Who also happily gives you a blowjob.
Whether it's aired on TV or not, you guys had your fun.
Bunch of perverts.
Out of my house dude. Now.
You can start looking for another sponsor.
Katia.
Not doing well.
He is playing with his life.
We suspect that with little Don,
vengeful feelings and murderous thoughts arose.
Towards his girlfriend's boyfriend.
Just for a moment, because life goes on, little clowns of mine,
on and on.
Time to focus again on Uncle Jos's new car.
Well done again, mate.
One two three four.
That's not the one.
Am I right ?
What is it ? Swallowed your tongue? - This one is a year younger.
I didn't order this one.
Okay, then I'll keep it for myself. - No, no, no, Ronny.
That party's off.
I take it with me and you get 10,000 euros.
I can't drive on the street with that for the first three years.
The chassis number has been corrected and so are the papers.
Ronny...
That car is bloody hot.
Normally you're dead now.
But you have a daughter with problems
and a mother who has nowhere else to go.
But this is the last time you cheated me.
Okay ?
I need a line.
Now kiss my balls. They've been in here.
Come on, dude. All the weapons. All the dope. Fuck, dude.
The jewellery, ten Vuitton handbags. Damn !
My Japanese whiskey.
Who has a key? - You, me, the Lou and mom.
Mom returned hers.
No, she requested it back with an excuse and kept it.
No, Wes. - I'm sure, Dad.
Goddamnit !
I'll shoot André de Polies a bullet through his head, dude.
Now we're talking.
Okay. - Starting when?
Let's see from the day before last night.
Stop.
Shit, that's the EZ.
Who ?
Crapuul from Breda.
That's our Amber. - With the EZ.
Honey, what are you doing?
You should know.
Doesn't she know there are cameras?
Yes. She just doesn't care. She is fucked.
Fuck yourself, boy.
What does the EZ do for a living?
What do you think?
He looks like a dealer.
So ? It's a dealer.
Is your sister dating him?
yes.
Are we expecting someone?
No.
Fuck.
If you think you've had all the plagues of Egypt.
Then you get this. Villa Tersago, Brasschaat. Wednesday, Nov. 29.
The Empire strikes back.
In the beginning, my grandmother didn't really like my mother.
When my parents broke up,
she started to like my mother much more.
And now they're partners in crime, trying to make life miserable for my father.
That game is off, forget it. And if you think you're not getting a bea-...
oops. I didn't expect that second knock.
That was inspiration of the moment. - Grandma.
Oh, hi, Weske. No school today? - Vacation.
Hi, honey. Weske, help with grandma's suitcase.
How are you ?
Come on, dude, 24 bottles of single malt.
4 boxes of Havanas, a golden cigar cutter,
a golden allumeur, Ray-Ban sunglasses,
tickets for Club Brugge and U2,
an iPad, and a goddamn Rolex worth 5,000 euros.
3,000, dad.
Three, yes.
There they fucking are again.
Same shit every year.
Good day. - Don't you have our sticker yet, sir?
No. Is it as ugly this year?
There's action heroes on it this time
and you take part in a lottery for free, just two euros.
Seriously ? What's there to win ? - A car.
Which ? - A Skoda.
A Skoda? I've dreamed of that all my life.
Yes, this one has seen better days.
One sticker then?
W'ell take them all. - All of them ?
250 stickers, that's 500, sir.
500 euros is cheap for a Skoda, isn't it, madame.
Yes.
My stickers.
God damn it, Ronny. You startled me. You don't do that, do you?
Is everything hidden?
So they won't find you with a bullet in the brains and your dick in your hand.
I'm sorry, but I can't lock your mother in here.
Bruno, I may be getting a little forgetful,
but then you must help me.
Did I sign anything like discharge papers?
Rachel arranged all that.
Grab a whiskey and calm down.
Hola, cool.
He can keep it.
Bruno, Bruno.
I think he's back to his senses, but he's scared.
Know what? We'll set it on fire, then we'll know right away.
He's not acting.
Aren't we going to set him on fire?
I'll set you on fire, you crazy boy.
How was it ?
Very cosy.
Here aswell. - Yes, until half a minute ago.
You arrive just in time.
That's a nice cake.
From Maenhout.
I thought so, they have nice merchandise. - Definitely.
They come all the way from the city for their eclairs and carré jams.
That's unopened.
But it's an expensive one.
Maenhout bakery.
wow! Say thieves.
One Sunday Bompa paid with a note of 1,000 francs.
And that baker gives changes up until 500.
'I gave 1000', says grandpa.
'No', says the baker, 'here, this is yours.'
And she takes a 500 note from the till.
'No', said Grandpa, 'that's mine over there', pointing to a 1,000 note.
And she wouldn't give in.
But from then on, every time he had to go past that, he slowed down,
opened the window of his car and shouted: 'thieves!'
Sometimes he would take a detour. To pass by and be able to shout.
But has he ever seen his money back?
I went to get it the next day, but always forgot to tell him.
I bought new shoes for our Ronny with that money.
He always had such difficult feet. - Flat feet, right?
clubfeet.
Wes, Lou!
Asshole !
Oh, oh, this won't end well.
Never say, "It won't happen to me."
You've got everything you ever dreamed of. And you start to get used to it.
You'll think it's quite normal over the long run.
And one morning you wake up. And your world is burned to the ground.
All your friends and everyone you love is gone.
And your enemies are boss.
And everyone wants your head.
You're not going to see that. Your hair covers it.
Go wash your hands, and throw that revolver in the canal too.
But a few hundred meters further, you understand?
Yes, Madame.
Bye, Patron.
He was a man of few words,
but with a strong voice, a hard head and a mean right foot.
Nothing he did ever ended well
and there is nothing good to say about him.
He had few or no friends, and the friends he had,
were just as much loser or asshole like him.
The world is better off without him.
The devil have his soul.
I still feel sick from it.
From yesterday?
That's heavy, isn't it, mate? - Man, man.
Luckily you had that revolver in your pocket.
Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here.
I'm going to cancel that gig.
You can't that. They can trace that.
Wesley is right. You gotta act as if nothing happened.
Come on, guys. The Patron was my best friend.
I thought I was? - Jealous bitch.
Yes, being in jail together creates a bond.
And the same thing for pedophiles hanging together.
What was that ?
what was what?
About pedophile. - Pedophile? You're imagining things.
Careful, buddy. Don't go too far.
Wesley, did I say something about a pedophile or something?
Not that I've heard of.
Oh, mess with someone else.
I'm cancelling it. - Bad idea.
I can't perform after what happened.
I also performed when Jay was gone.
But he wasn't dead. - You did try your best.
What ?
The whole town knows you threw him off the bridge.
Because he was snitching on us.
He was reporting to our boss because you can't be trusted.
And that was my best friend.
That gun should have been in the canal for long now.
Who said that ?
My mother.
Can you hear for yourself now, how ridiculous you sound? I've been hearing that for ten years.