Coach (1989–1997): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Iceman Goeth - full transcript
In the aftermath of his breakup with Christine, Hayden receives consolation from an unexpected source.
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
One light beer,
one dark beer,
one high-protein
bee pollen, guava shake.
Okay, now remember, guys,
when my dad gets here,
we got to do our best
to try and cheer him up.
Kelly's right. This is his
first weekend without Christine.
He's been a wreck all week
about them breaking up.
Whatever we do,
nobody mention Christine
or relationships or love
or anything like that.
Right.
There he is.
Okay, everybody, smile, smile, happy.
LUTHER: Hey.
Hi, Daddy.
Hey, Kel.
Hey.
Hey.
Luth, Dauber.
My heart goes out
to you, sir.
Hey, Hayden, you know what we
thought would be fun tonight?
After dinner, how about you, me,
and Daub hitting the bowl-a-rama?
Not me, Luth.
Don't feel like eating,
don't feel like bowling.
Don't feel like breathing.
How about a little TV?
That'll cheer you up.
ANNOUNCER 1: Stay tuned for the Channel
6 News with Christine Armstrong.
Oops.
ANNOUNCER 2: Coming up next,
The All-New Dating Game.
Oops.
ANNOUNCER 3:
And now for the 6:00 movie,
Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw,
starring in Love Story.
Come on!
NEWSCASTER:
Tonight's top story,
toxic spill leaves
hundreds homeless.
Thank God.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
55 to 7!
I can't believe it!
We've never had
agame 55 to 7!
At least not that we've won.
Would you guys
hold it down in here?
Come on, Hayden.
I know you're upset
about Christine,
but you've got to be
happy about the game.
I'm happy.
I mean, happy the way
you used to be happy.
You know,
running around the locker room,
slapping guys on the heinie,
turning off the hot water,
climbing up on the towel cage
and screaming like Tarzan.
You know, being up.
How am I supposed to be up
when I've lost Christine?
Hayden, when are you gonna
grow up and face reality?
You can't have
a successful personal life
and a successful professional
life at the same time.
That isn't the way it works.
What the hell
are you talking about?
Life! I'm talking about life,
Hayden.
And life has rules.
One of them is you just can't have
too much happiness at one time.
If you're going to have
a winning football team,
then you got to realize that
life's gonna take away your girl.
Don't look at me like I'm crazy.
These aren't my rules.
Coach, you've got to stop
thinking about Christine.
You got to pretend that you
never heard the name "Christine."
Christine is a thing
of the past.
The next time
the name "Christine"...
Dauber, Dauber,
would you shut up?
Think I'm going
to call her.
What are you gonna
do that for?
You're just going to
make yourself miserable.
Yeah. Well, I can't be any more
miserable than I am right now.
Besides, you know, it's been a week.
She's had a chance to cool off.
Maybe I could go up there
tonight and talk to her.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
She answered.
Christine, guess who?
Oh.
Hi, Hayden.
I haven't called you
this week, sweetheart,
'cause I wanted to give you
your space and everything.
I just wanna tell you this
week has been hell for me.
Yeah, it's been
hell for me, too.
Oh, great!
Well, look...
Listen, so you know,
what if I came up there tonight,
and you know, just took you
out to dinner and...
Hey, guess what?
I'd even go Greek if you want to.
I really don't think
that's a good idea.
Dinner or me coming up?
I just don't think
we should see each other.
I was figuring maybe we could just
talk, you know.
What did you
wanna talk about?
What we always talk about on a Saturday
night, the game, you know.
We won, Christine.
We won 55 to 7.
Well, I think if that's all we
have to talk about, then l...
I still don't think
it's a good idea.
I'm sorry.
I miss you, Christine.
I miss you, too.
Bye, Hayden.
Hey, Coach, you want us
to leave you alone?
It's a little late for that.
The last thing I want in the
world tonight is to be alone.
Come on, let's go to The Touchdown
Club and celebrate our victory.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
double cheeseburger,
steamed vegetables
and brown rice.
Hey, Coach!
(ALL CHEERING)
Thank you.
Thank you.
It was a great victory today.
You guys are great fans.
And, well, just keep it up for
the rest of the season, huh?
Hey, guys.
Hey, Kelly.
Hey, Kelly.
Hey, Dad, how you doing?
Doing great.
Really? Yeah, really.
Why wouldn't I be?
We won today, sitting at the
table with my best friends,
my daughter's waiting on
me, I got my health.
I can't think of anything
else in the world I need.
Including Christine,
right, Coach?
Hey, how about if ll bring
you guys some steaks, huh?
Hey, that sounds great!
I'm starved.
Boy, this is
my kind of night.
Yeah, you know,
this really is nice.
Do you guys realize that we
haven't had dinner together
after a football game
in four years?
I have really
missed you guys.
Heck, from now on we can do
this every Saturday night.
And Friday nights, too.
For that matter,
I'm free on Sundays.
You know something?
We could have dinner together every night
for the rest of our lives.
Jeez, is that depressing!
Hey, there's Dr. Tewksbury.
Oh, excuse me,
has Mr. Milpath arrived yet?
Who?
Noel Milpath.
He's a very attractive man
in his middle 40s,
salt-and-pepper hair, tall,
wears very expensive suits, smokes a pipe.
The Pontiac dealer?
Yes.
No, I haven't
seen him tonight.
Good.
I was worried
I was late.
What is the president of the
university doing at The Touchdown Club?
This is for regular people.
Well, hello, Hayden.
I didn't know you were here.
Yeah, I'm here
every Saturday night.
What are you doing here?
Meeting someone.
You may sit down,
gentlemen.
Thank you.
Who are you meeting?
Not that it's any of your business.
I have a dinner date.
With who? Now,
that's really none of your business.
Why, is he married
or something?
Of course not.
He happens to be a respected
leader of this community
who's given a lot of
money to this university.
He also happens to be president
of the chamber of commerce.
You're meeting Noel Milpath,
the Pontiac dealer?
Isn't that the guy who rides the
donkey on those car commercials?
He happens to be
a very shrewd businessman.
Now if you'll excuse me.
Come on, you guys,
knock it off.
So, Dr. Tewksbury has
a date with Mr. Milpath.
I guess that proves there's
someone for everyone.
Don't say that, Dauber.
There's nobody for...
Why don't we just put on some music so
I don't have to listen to this stuff?
Come on, everybody,
let's sing.
What? Yeah, come on,
everybody, come on, let's sing!
Everybody happy about
our victory today?
ALL: Yeah!
Do we like the Screaming Eagles?
ALL: Yeah!
Well, then let's sing the
Screaming Eagles fight song, huh?
ALL: Yeah!
(SINGING) The Screaming Eagles
take the field
Da-da-da-da-da never yield
We're going
to march to victory
Na-na-na-na-na-na
for you and me
Dad, do you need
a lift home?
No, I just wanna
sit here for a while.
I'm gonna call a cab
when I'm ready to go.
I just believe everything's going to
be okay between you and Christine.
Well, it's not,
but thanks.
(EXHALES)
Is that you, Stu?
Sorry, sir.
Well, come on.
Do you mind
a little company?
Gee, Elaine, what are you
still doing here?
Waiting for Noel.
Been four hours.
Yeah. I don't think he's coming.
Noel Milpath stood you up?
Great way to kick off
the weekend, isn't it?
Hayden,
what's my problem
with men?
I don't think you have
a problem with men, Elaine.
Of course I do.
I mean,
if they're not standing me up,
they're running out for ice
and then never coming back.
Jeez, we're not gonna bring
up Miami again, are we?
There must be
something wrong with me.
No, I don't think there's
anything wrong with you.
I think maybe it's
what's right with you.
You know,
you're very attractive,
a very sophisticated,
knowledgeable, powerful lady.
I think a lot of guys
are intimidated by that.
Well, you don't seem to be.
In fact, you seem to be
attracted to women like that.
I must confess, I heard about
you and Christine breaking up.
Excuse me. Would either of you mind
if I put on a little music here
while I clean up?
Oh, no, no, go ahead.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: You're listening
to late night jazz on KLAC,
92.4 on your FM dial.
Brought to you
by Milpath Pontiac.
When you think of dependability,
you think of Noel Milpath.
Like hell.
Boy, who'd have
figured this, huh?
You mean that two such
attractive, successful people
would both find themselves
alone on a Saturday night?
No, no. I mean that two people
who hate each other's guts
would be at the same table
trying to cheer each other up.
You know, Hayden, despite what you
did to me six years ago in Miami,
I've really never hated you.
(SCOFFS)
Come on, Elaine,
what are you talking about?
You tried to fire me,
you slashed my budget in half.
You had me
begging for money,
and you emasculated me
in front of the whole school.
Okay, so I've been
a little bit annoyed.
But I never would
have been so annoyed
if ll hadn't been
so attracted to you.
Hayden, there's one thing
I never admitted about Miami.
What's that? You really
knocked me out that weekend.
1 did?
I thought I showed you that
11, 12 times.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, now that
I think about it,
boy, we really kind of knocked
each other out there, didn't we?
Do you believe in fate, Hayden?
Huh? What?
I mean, do you believe that maybe
there are things that happen
because they're just
meant to happen?
I mean, I just wonder
if it's mere coincidence,
that you and I are
both here tonight,
alone and vulnerable.
You know, ...
(STAMMERING) I guess
that's what we are, Elaine.
Well?
We can't help
being vulnerable,
but we don't
have to be alone.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
You...
Elaine, your drink
was cold, honey.
Do you have a car?
Yes.
It's at my house, though.
Well,
then why don't we take mine?
Take yours where, Elaine?
To someplace where we can
knock each other out again.
(SHUDDERING)
I guess we could
go a couple of rounds.
We'll start all over again,
as if Miami never happened.
We'll put the memory
of that weekend,
and whatever the name of that
place was where we stayed,
out of our minds forever.
It was the Blue Lagoon
Motor Hotel, Elaine.
Man, what a dump.
It's the Shamrock Motel,
Hayden.
What did you expect?
We can't go
to the hotel in town.
We'd be recognized.
Now, come on.
And we don't
need the lights.
We know
where everything is.
Uh-huh.
(GROANING)
Oh, God.
Are you all right?
Well, jeez.
I think a bedspring
lanced my kidney, Elaine.
You want to try
the other bed?
Just give me a second here.
Oh, sure.
Thanks.
God.
You can have it all, Elaine, just take it easy.
You can have it all.
You're so tense, Hayden.
Yeah.
Do you remember our first
time, the first night in Miami?
We slipped down to the beach
in the middle of the night,
took off all our clothes
and just laid in the sand?
All we could hear was
the sound of our breathing
and the waves lapping
gently against the shore.
(TRAIN APPROACHING)
Yeah, it's Miami
all over again, Elaine.
Do you remember how we ordered
champagne and strawberries
from room service
at 3:00 in the morning?
Yeah, that was great.
Hey, how about if I open
the wine and the CornNuts?
Not yet.
First,
I want to nibble
on this for a while.
Oh, boy!
(EXCLAIMING)
I didn't know you'd get
in there that far, Elaine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Can I have a CornNut, huh?
Listen, why don't you turn down
the bed and unscrew the wine?
I'll just slip in there and get
a little bit more comfortable.
Okay, okay, I'll try to get
more comfortable, too.
What am I doing?
What the heck am I doing? God!
ELAINE: Hayden.
Would you hang up
my dress for me, please?
Oh, God.
Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
I can't do this.
And I can't do that either.
ELAINE: Oh,
I wish we had bought some candles.
It would have made it
so much more romantic.
Yeah, everybody loves candles,
Elaine, everybody.
I'm going to go to a
church and light some.
(HUMMING)
HAYDEN: Luther?
Yeah.
HAYDEN: Luther?
Luther?
(SHOUTS)
What are you doing?
Well, I'm hiding.
From me?
No, from Elaine Tewksbury.
How come?
Is this door
still locked?
Hayden, what's the matter?
Oh, Luther...
Luther, I've done
a terrible thing.
Oh, jeez, what?
I think I may have
destroyed my whole life.
Does it affect me?
It will when we get fired.
Oh, God, Hayden,
what did you do?
Took Elaine to a
motel last night.
Oh, God!
That's not the worst part.
You had to sleep with her,
didn't you?
That's the worst part.
She wanted to, and I didn't.
Hey, Hayden, what did you do?
You didn't sneak out on her again, did you?
I had to.
She'll fire you for sure.
She'll fire us both for sure.
She may set fire
to us both.
She can't fire me
if she can't find me.
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
Oh, God!
(SHUSHING)
(WHISPERING) Oh, God.
ELAINE: Open up, Hayden!
I know you're in there!
No, she doesn't. She's guessing!
She's guessing!
ELAINE: I'll give you the
count of three to open up,
or I'm breaking down
the door!
There's no way she can
break down that door.
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
ELAINE: One,
two,
three!
My God!
She's insane!
Here's Johnny!
Elaine, you got an axe!
Yes, and I'm going
to use it.
Oh, no, no, wait a minute,
just settle down, Elaine.
I know I did
a terrible thing last night,
but I don't think
I deserve to be axed for it.
Well, I do.
Come on, Elaine,
think about your life,
everything you've worked for,
your career.
You're not going to use that
thing and you know you're not.
Okay, okay, let's just say for
a moment you are, all right?
Elaine, come on,
just let me live long enough to explain.
Elaine, I was crazy last night.
I mean, my God, you of all people
should be able to relate to that.
I was weak. You know I wanted you, I really did.
I really, really, really did.
I know this is gonna sound nuts,
but I feel I got to
stay loyal to Christine.
I know I can't have her,
but I still love her.
I know I should have
told you that, Elaine.
I know I should have told you
that, but I panicked.
You know, I'm not good
at doing the right thing.
Like you are.
All I can say
is I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're really in pain over
Christine, aren't you?
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't realize you
were this tormented.
I'm really surprised.
I thought you were the kind of person
who's never touched by anything.
I figured you just
lumbered through life
without any sensitivity
or caring or involvement.
Well, I've always
tried to do that.
You finally feel
passionate about someone,
and it's just
eating your heart out.
I love that.
Elaine, I really am...
l really am sorry. I mean, I...
I know I shouldn't have done
what I did to you last night.
It's just, you know,
ever since Christine and I broke up,
I just feel like everything
is out of control here.
Yeah, I know that feeling.
You know, there are times
in my life when [ feel
that I don't really
have a grip on things.
But then I see
someone like you
who's even more
screwed up than I am
and I feel really
good about myself.
Thank you, Hayden, really.
Well, you're welcome.
You have turned what could have
been a pretty messy situation
into something positive.
I'll see you on Monday.
Oh! Don't forget about that budget
meeting in my office at noon.
I'll be serving lunch.
Nothing fancy,
just cold cuts and salad.
See you then.
(BROKEN GLASS CRUNCHING)
Where is she?
She's gone, Luth.
It's all over.
Oh, my God!
filmed before a studio audience.
One light beer,
one dark beer,
one high-protein
bee pollen, guava shake.
Okay, now remember, guys,
when my dad gets here,
we got to do our best
to try and cheer him up.
Kelly's right. This is his
first weekend without Christine.
He's been a wreck all week
about them breaking up.
Whatever we do,
nobody mention Christine
or relationships or love
or anything like that.
Right.
There he is.
Okay, everybody, smile, smile, happy.
LUTHER: Hey.
Hi, Daddy.
Hey, Kel.
Hey.
Hey.
Luth, Dauber.
My heart goes out
to you, sir.
Hey, Hayden, you know what we
thought would be fun tonight?
After dinner, how about you, me,
and Daub hitting the bowl-a-rama?
Not me, Luth.
Don't feel like eating,
don't feel like bowling.
Don't feel like breathing.
How about a little TV?
That'll cheer you up.
ANNOUNCER 1: Stay tuned for the Channel
6 News with Christine Armstrong.
Oops.
ANNOUNCER 2: Coming up next,
The All-New Dating Game.
Oops.
ANNOUNCER 3:
And now for the 6:00 movie,
Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw,
starring in Love Story.
Come on!
NEWSCASTER:
Tonight's top story,
toxic spill leaves
hundreds homeless.
Thank God.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
55 to 7!
I can't believe it!
We've never had
agame 55 to 7!
At least not that we've won.
Would you guys
hold it down in here?
Come on, Hayden.
I know you're upset
about Christine,
but you've got to be
happy about the game.
I'm happy.
I mean, happy the way
you used to be happy.
You know,
running around the locker room,
slapping guys on the heinie,
turning off the hot water,
climbing up on the towel cage
and screaming like Tarzan.
You know, being up.
How am I supposed to be up
when I've lost Christine?
Hayden, when are you gonna
grow up and face reality?
You can't have
a successful personal life
and a successful professional
life at the same time.
That isn't the way it works.
What the hell
are you talking about?
Life! I'm talking about life,
Hayden.
And life has rules.
One of them is you just can't have
too much happiness at one time.
If you're going to have
a winning football team,
then you got to realize that
life's gonna take away your girl.
Don't look at me like I'm crazy.
These aren't my rules.
Coach, you've got to stop
thinking about Christine.
You got to pretend that you
never heard the name "Christine."
Christine is a thing
of the past.
The next time
the name "Christine"...
Dauber, Dauber,
would you shut up?
Think I'm going
to call her.
What are you gonna
do that for?
You're just going to
make yourself miserable.
Yeah. Well, I can't be any more
miserable than I am right now.
Besides, you know, it's been a week.
She's had a chance to cool off.
Maybe I could go up there
tonight and talk to her.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
She answered.
Christine, guess who?
Oh.
Hi, Hayden.
I haven't called you
this week, sweetheart,
'cause I wanted to give you
your space and everything.
I just wanna tell you this
week has been hell for me.
Yeah, it's been
hell for me, too.
Oh, great!
Well, look...
Listen, so you know,
what if I came up there tonight,
and you know, just took you
out to dinner and...
Hey, guess what?
I'd even go Greek if you want to.
I really don't think
that's a good idea.
Dinner or me coming up?
I just don't think
we should see each other.
I was figuring maybe we could just
talk, you know.
What did you
wanna talk about?
What we always talk about on a Saturday
night, the game, you know.
We won, Christine.
We won 55 to 7.
Well, I think if that's all we
have to talk about, then l...
I still don't think
it's a good idea.
I'm sorry.
I miss you, Christine.
I miss you, too.
Bye, Hayden.
Hey, Coach, you want us
to leave you alone?
It's a little late for that.
The last thing I want in the
world tonight is to be alone.
Come on, let's go to The Touchdown
Club and celebrate our victory.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
double cheeseburger,
steamed vegetables
and brown rice.
Hey, Coach!
(ALL CHEERING)
Thank you.
Thank you.
It was a great victory today.
You guys are great fans.
And, well, just keep it up for
the rest of the season, huh?
Hey, guys.
Hey, Kelly.
Hey, Kelly.
Hey, Dad, how you doing?
Doing great.
Really? Yeah, really.
Why wouldn't I be?
We won today, sitting at the
table with my best friends,
my daughter's waiting on
me, I got my health.
I can't think of anything
else in the world I need.
Including Christine,
right, Coach?
Hey, how about if ll bring
you guys some steaks, huh?
Hey, that sounds great!
I'm starved.
Boy, this is
my kind of night.
Yeah, you know,
this really is nice.
Do you guys realize that we
haven't had dinner together
after a football game
in four years?
I have really
missed you guys.
Heck, from now on we can do
this every Saturday night.
And Friday nights, too.
For that matter,
I'm free on Sundays.
You know something?
We could have dinner together every night
for the rest of our lives.
Jeez, is that depressing!
Hey, there's Dr. Tewksbury.
Oh, excuse me,
has Mr. Milpath arrived yet?
Who?
Noel Milpath.
He's a very attractive man
in his middle 40s,
salt-and-pepper hair, tall,
wears very expensive suits, smokes a pipe.
The Pontiac dealer?
Yes.
No, I haven't
seen him tonight.
Good.
I was worried
I was late.
What is the president of the
university doing at The Touchdown Club?
This is for regular people.
Well, hello, Hayden.
I didn't know you were here.
Yeah, I'm here
every Saturday night.
What are you doing here?
Meeting someone.
You may sit down,
gentlemen.
Thank you.
Who are you meeting?
Not that it's any of your business.
I have a dinner date.
With who? Now,
that's really none of your business.
Why, is he married
or something?
Of course not.
He happens to be a respected
leader of this community
who's given a lot of
money to this university.
He also happens to be president
of the chamber of commerce.
You're meeting Noel Milpath,
the Pontiac dealer?
Isn't that the guy who rides the
donkey on those car commercials?
He happens to be
a very shrewd businessman.
Now if you'll excuse me.
Come on, you guys,
knock it off.
So, Dr. Tewksbury has
a date with Mr. Milpath.
I guess that proves there's
someone for everyone.
Don't say that, Dauber.
There's nobody for...
Why don't we just put on some music so
I don't have to listen to this stuff?
Come on, everybody,
let's sing.
What? Yeah, come on,
everybody, come on, let's sing!
Everybody happy about
our victory today?
ALL: Yeah!
Do we like the Screaming Eagles?
ALL: Yeah!
Well, then let's sing the
Screaming Eagles fight song, huh?
ALL: Yeah!
(SINGING) The Screaming Eagles
take the field
Da-da-da-da-da never yield
We're going
to march to victory
Na-na-na-na-na-na
for you and me
Dad, do you need
a lift home?
No, I just wanna
sit here for a while.
I'm gonna call a cab
when I'm ready to go.
I just believe everything's going to
be okay between you and Christine.
Well, it's not,
but thanks.
(EXHALES)
Is that you, Stu?
Sorry, sir.
Well, come on.
Do you mind
a little company?
Gee, Elaine, what are you
still doing here?
Waiting for Noel.
Been four hours.
Yeah. I don't think he's coming.
Noel Milpath stood you up?
Great way to kick off
the weekend, isn't it?
Hayden,
what's my problem
with men?
I don't think you have
a problem with men, Elaine.
Of course I do.
I mean,
if they're not standing me up,
they're running out for ice
and then never coming back.
Jeez, we're not gonna bring
up Miami again, are we?
There must be
something wrong with me.
No, I don't think there's
anything wrong with you.
I think maybe it's
what's right with you.
You know,
you're very attractive,
a very sophisticated,
knowledgeable, powerful lady.
I think a lot of guys
are intimidated by that.
Well, you don't seem to be.
In fact, you seem to be
attracted to women like that.
I must confess, I heard about
you and Christine breaking up.
Excuse me. Would either of you mind
if I put on a little music here
while I clean up?
Oh, no, no, go ahead.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: You're listening
to late night jazz on KLAC,
92.4 on your FM dial.
Brought to you
by Milpath Pontiac.
When you think of dependability,
you think of Noel Milpath.
Like hell.
Boy, who'd have
figured this, huh?
You mean that two such
attractive, successful people
would both find themselves
alone on a Saturday night?
No, no. I mean that two people
who hate each other's guts
would be at the same table
trying to cheer each other up.
You know, Hayden, despite what you
did to me six years ago in Miami,
I've really never hated you.
(SCOFFS)
Come on, Elaine,
what are you talking about?
You tried to fire me,
you slashed my budget in half.
You had me
begging for money,
and you emasculated me
in front of the whole school.
Okay, so I've been
a little bit annoyed.
But I never would
have been so annoyed
if ll hadn't been
so attracted to you.
Hayden, there's one thing
I never admitted about Miami.
What's that? You really
knocked me out that weekend.
1 did?
I thought I showed you that
11, 12 times.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, now that
I think about it,
boy, we really kind of knocked
each other out there, didn't we?
Do you believe in fate, Hayden?
Huh? What?
I mean, do you believe that maybe
there are things that happen
because they're just
meant to happen?
I mean, I just wonder
if it's mere coincidence,
that you and I are
both here tonight,
alone and vulnerable.
You know, ...
(STAMMERING) I guess
that's what we are, Elaine.
Well?
We can't help
being vulnerable,
but we don't
have to be alone.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
You...
Elaine, your drink
was cold, honey.
Do you have a car?
Yes.
It's at my house, though.
Well,
then why don't we take mine?
Take yours where, Elaine?
To someplace where we can
knock each other out again.
(SHUDDERING)
I guess we could
go a couple of rounds.
We'll start all over again,
as if Miami never happened.
We'll put the memory
of that weekend,
and whatever the name of that
place was where we stayed,
out of our minds forever.
It was the Blue Lagoon
Motor Hotel, Elaine.
Man, what a dump.
It's the Shamrock Motel,
Hayden.
What did you expect?
We can't go
to the hotel in town.
We'd be recognized.
Now, come on.
And we don't
need the lights.
We know
where everything is.
Uh-huh.
(GROANING)
Oh, God.
Are you all right?
Well, jeez.
I think a bedspring
lanced my kidney, Elaine.
You want to try
the other bed?
Just give me a second here.
Oh, sure.
Thanks.
God.
You can have it all, Elaine, just take it easy.
You can have it all.
You're so tense, Hayden.
Yeah.
Do you remember our first
time, the first night in Miami?
We slipped down to the beach
in the middle of the night,
took off all our clothes
and just laid in the sand?
All we could hear was
the sound of our breathing
and the waves lapping
gently against the shore.
(TRAIN APPROACHING)
Yeah, it's Miami
all over again, Elaine.
Do you remember how we ordered
champagne and strawberries
from room service
at 3:00 in the morning?
Yeah, that was great.
Hey, how about if I open
the wine and the CornNuts?
Not yet.
First,
I want to nibble
on this for a while.
Oh, boy!
(EXCLAIMING)
I didn't know you'd get
in there that far, Elaine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Can I have a CornNut, huh?
Listen, why don't you turn down
the bed and unscrew the wine?
I'll just slip in there and get
a little bit more comfortable.
Okay, okay, I'll try to get
more comfortable, too.
What am I doing?
What the heck am I doing? God!
ELAINE: Hayden.
Would you hang up
my dress for me, please?
Oh, God.
Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
I can't do this.
And I can't do that either.
ELAINE: Oh,
I wish we had bought some candles.
It would have made it
so much more romantic.
Yeah, everybody loves candles,
Elaine, everybody.
I'm going to go to a
church and light some.
(HUMMING)
HAYDEN: Luther?
Yeah.
HAYDEN: Luther?
Luther?
(SHOUTS)
What are you doing?
Well, I'm hiding.
From me?
No, from Elaine Tewksbury.
How come?
Is this door
still locked?
Hayden, what's the matter?
Oh, Luther...
Luther, I've done
a terrible thing.
Oh, jeez, what?
I think I may have
destroyed my whole life.
Does it affect me?
It will when we get fired.
Oh, God, Hayden,
what did you do?
Took Elaine to a
motel last night.
Oh, God!
That's not the worst part.
You had to sleep with her,
didn't you?
That's the worst part.
She wanted to, and I didn't.
Hey, Hayden, what did you do?
You didn't sneak out on her again, did you?
I had to.
She'll fire you for sure.
She'll fire us both for sure.
She may set fire
to us both.
She can't fire me
if she can't find me.
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
Oh, God!
(SHUSHING)
(WHISPERING) Oh, God.
ELAINE: Open up, Hayden!
I know you're in there!
No, she doesn't. She's guessing!
She's guessing!
ELAINE: I'll give you the
count of three to open up,
or I'm breaking down
the door!
There's no way she can
break down that door.
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
ELAINE: One,
two,
three!
My God!
She's insane!
Here's Johnny!
Elaine, you got an axe!
Yes, and I'm going
to use it.
Oh, no, no, wait a minute,
just settle down, Elaine.
I know I did
a terrible thing last night,
but I don't think
I deserve to be axed for it.
Well, I do.
Come on, Elaine,
think about your life,
everything you've worked for,
your career.
You're not going to use that
thing and you know you're not.
Okay, okay, let's just say for
a moment you are, all right?
Elaine, come on,
just let me live long enough to explain.
Elaine, I was crazy last night.
I mean, my God, you of all people
should be able to relate to that.
I was weak. You know I wanted you, I really did.
I really, really, really did.
I know this is gonna sound nuts,
but I feel I got to
stay loyal to Christine.
I know I can't have her,
but I still love her.
I know I should have
told you that, Elaine.
I know I should have told you
that, but I panicked.
You know, I'm not good
at doing the right thing.
Like you are.
All I can say
is I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're really in pain over
Christine, aren't you?
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't realize you
were this tormented.
I'm really surprised.
I thought you were the kind of person
who's never touched by anything.
I figured you just
lumbered through life
without any sensitivity
or caring or involvement.
Well, I've always
tried to do that.
You finally feel
passionate about someone,
and it's just
eating your heart out.
I love that.
Elaine, I really am...
l really am sorry. I mean, I...
I know I shouldn't have done
what I did to you last night.
It's just, you know,
ever since Christine and I broke up,
I just feel like everything
is out of control here.
Yeah, I know that feeling.
You know, there are times
in my life when [ feel
that I don't really
have a grip on things.
But then I see
someone like you
who's even more
screwed up than I am
and I feel really
good about myself.
Thank you, Hayden, really.
Well, you're welcome.
You have turned what could have
been a pretty messy situation
into something positive.
I'll see you on Monday.
Oh! Don't forget about that budget
meeting in my office at noon.
I'll be serving lunch.
Nothing fancy,
just cold cuts and salad.
See you then.
(BROKEN GLASS CRUNCHING)
Where is she?
She's gone, Luth.
It's all over.
Oh, my God!