Coach (1989–1997): Season 3, Episode 5 - Hayden's in the Kitchen with Dinah - full transcript
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
Hayden, you'd better
sit down,
I've got...
Well, you are sitting down.
Maybe I'd better
sit down.
I've got great news.
I can't sit down,
I'm too excited.
Come on, Luther,
just get on with it.
Guess who can
play Saturday?
Who?
You'd better sit down.
Luther, come on!
Okay, all right.
Okay, Daub,
bring him in!
Bo! Your shoulder's
not bandaged!
Show him
what you can do, Bo.
Oh, I love this!
And you can throw it farther
than five feet, right?
We were just up
on the practice field.
He let it go
for 55 yards.
I know I haven't played
all season,
but I think
I can start Saturday.
That is if you don't mind
my being a little rusty.
You kidding?
You rusty is better than
anybody we got fully greased.
Listen, I just want you to
take it easy before game time.
I don't want you
to lift anything,
I don't want you
to throw anything.
If you have to
scratch an itch,
I want you
to call Dauber.
Okay, Coach.
No, I'm not kidding, Bo.
You give Dauber the key
to your dorm room.
I want you safe and
sound until Saturday.
I don't want to do anything that
could possibly injure that shoulder.
You got it.
Dauber, I want you
to keep an eye on him.
Don't let him
leave your side.
You can count
on me, Coach.
I'm not gonna let him
out of my sight.
Holy cow!
Which way?
DAUBER:
Bo, wait up!
Bus is ready to leave
for the airport.
By the way,
did you guys see the article
in today's student
paper about Bo?
I'm quoted
for the first time ever.
I'll read it if you like.
It says, "The return
of Bo Whitley
"could salvage what has been a
heartbreaking season until now."
Here's my part.
Assistant coach,
Michael "Dauber" Dybinski says, quote,
"It sure is going to be great
to have Bo back.”
End quote.
You know,
it's funny.
When I was first
approached about this,
I was afraid I wouldn't
have anything to say.
But once I started talking,
I just couldn't stop.
I feel kind of immortal.
That's great, Daub.
You wanna feel kind of useful
and put our bags
in the bus?
'Cause we've got
a plane to catch.
You bet.
Here, I'll help you.
Hi.
Hey, you guys.
Did you see my quote
in today's paper?
No.
Here, I have a copy.
I made a lot of extras.
Excuse me.
What do you need?
Nothing. We just came down to
wish you luck on tomorrow's game.
Bonne chance!
Listen, since
the game tomorrow
is going to be televised
and you're going to be
out of town,
and since your
big screen TV
works so much better
than our radio,
we were just wondering
if possibly we could
come over to your cabin
and watch the game there?
Hmm.
You want to watch
a football game, Stu?
As much as I abhor
the sexual stereotype,
lam a guy, sir.
I can enjoy the drama
of the gridiron
as much as the next fellow.
Yeah, you're a regular
lumberjack.
It just so happens
that Kelly and I and
the rest of
the theater department
really do want
to watch the game.
Ah. Well, you guys wouldn't
be using the football game
to con me into letting
you use my cabin
for a party this weekend,
would you?
(EXCLAIMING)
Dad!
Why do you always think
I have an ulterior motive
whenever I ask
you something?
Well, you are
my daughter, sweetheart,
and I keep thinking you must
have inherited something from me.
If we wanted to have a
party, we'd be honest
and just come right out
and ask you.
Just out of curiosity,
what if some day
we were honest
and we did want to have
a party at your cabin?
I guess that'd be okay.
What if that someday
were Saturday?
Kelly, tell you what,
just do me a favor, huh?
At some point
during the party,
would you at least
turn on the game?
Of course, Dad.
Don't let me
forget that.
Bye! See you Sunday.
Bonne chance, Dauber.
Merci.
Bus is all ready
to go, Coach.
Man, the guys
are really psyched.
I'll tell you,
I've never seen the team so fired up.
You know,
I've been thinking,
we've been waiting all
season for Bo to come back.
I mean, if we win,
I think we really ought to
do something to celebrate.
What did you have in mind?
Let me run this by you.
I'm just kind of
freewheeling it here.
What... What if,
when we land,
instead of coming back here
on the bus with the team,
we stay in Minneapolis,
we go to Chuck's Big Chicken,
get a family size bucket
of all white,
and I don't know,
go to a drive-in movie or something?
Wow! Does that sound great!
And I'm not
just talking chicken either!
I mean the biscuits,
the beans, the coleslaw,
the whole
picnic party special.
If we don't win
I'm going to cry!
I think I'm going
to cry now!
That's your idea
of a great time?
A stupid bucket of chicken
and a movie?
If we're going to treat
ourselves, let's do it right.
What, are you talking
about ribs or something?
Fellas, you know,
Chuck's Big Chicken
is not the only great place
to eat in Minneapolis.
If we're gonna celebrate,
come on, let's do
something sophisticated.
Let's get ourselves
some steaks.
Let's just go wild!
Tell you what.
You guys get a hotel room,
I'll stay with Christine,
I'll meet you at Montana's
for dinner,
and after that we'll go out
and we will
destroy Minneapolis!
LUTHER: All right!
That sounds great!
Hey, Luth, where do you
want to get a room?
You know, there's a motel right
next to Chuck's Big Chicken.
You mean Chuck's Big Motel?
Yeah!
Awesome!
And then in the morning
we can go to Chuck's
and get the
big breakfast platter!
LUTHER: Right!
(SINGING) Oh, Bo Whitley
I'm glad you play for me
We beat the heck
out of Texas Tech
Next week it's Tennessee
Christine,
your conquering hero is home!
Put on your dancing shoes,
I'm ready to party!
Hi, Hayden.
Gee, oh, no.
You're not sick, are you?
I've been trying all day not to
be, but it's hard.
What's the matter?
Well, I think
I've got the flu.
I've had the chills
all day, I'm achy,
my temperature is 102,
and my throat
is killing me.
Do you think going out
would make you feel better?
It was all I could do
to come out here.
I think you should
celebrate without me.
No way, Christine.
Come on, I'm going to stay
here and take care of you.
You are?
Yeah, is that such
a huge surprise?
Well, kind of.
Oh, honey, I'm not going to run
out on you when you're sick.
Oh, Hayden,
that is so sweet.
You'd do the same
thing for me.
Well, I know,
but it's just so unusually
thoughtful of you.
I mean, that you'd give up
your celebration
to stay with me.
(SNIFFING) You really
are agreat guy.
You gonna cry?
No, no,
I'm going to sneeze.
(SNEEZES LOUDLY)
Wow, you are sick!
Yeah.
Usually when you sneeze,
it's just one of those little bird sneezes.
That was a
door-slammer, Christine.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, come on here,
I'll help you.
Will Luther and Dauber be really
disappointed you're not there?
Oh, no, they'll probably
be thrilled.
This way, they can eat
chicken and biscuits
until they can't walk.
It'll be the night they've
always dreamed about.
You really are my hero.
Hey and you know,
the best thing is,
I'm not doing this for points or anything.
It's just
coming naturally.
(SIGHS)
I haven't looked through
a Newsweek in ages.
Better make myself
some dinner.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi, Hayden.
Christine still sick?
Yeah,
she's in bed, sleeping.
What are you
doing here?
You're not going to believe who
we ran into at the restaurant.
Hayden!
Hey, Tom!
(LAUGHS)
You old dog!
Good to see you!
Come on in here!
What are you
doing here?
Oh, I flew in to cover
the Viking game tomorrow.
Oh, friends.
Hayden Fox,
I would like you to meet Kendra.
Hi, my name is Kendra.
Gotcha.
And this is Dinah.
Nice to meet you.
I'm a huge
football fan.
Oh yeah? Tom tells me
you're a coach or something?
Yeah, yeah.
Why don't you sit down?
We didn't mean
to barge in, Hayden,
but we found out
about this great party
and a lot of the Viking
coaches are going to be there.
We're all invited.
You're kidding.
Well, technically,
Tom's invited.
But he can get us in.
Well, technically,
it's Kendra and Dinah who are invited,
but they can get us in.
Geez, I'd love to go.
You know how much I want
to meet the Viking coaches!
But I'd promised Christine
I'd stay here with her.
Well, I thought that
you said she was asleep.
Well, she is, but still, you
know, I think I should stay here.
It's going to be a
once-in-a-lifetime party, Coach.
They only have it
twice a year.
Well, hey, it's not that
I don't want to go, you know!
It's just that Christine
made this big deal
about what a great guy I was
for staying with her.
Hayden,
if she's sleeping,
how would she even
know you're gone?
If she's anything like me
when I have the flu,
I can sleep around
the clock.
It's like I'm dead
from the neck up.
All right.
Now, come on,
you can sneak off
for an hour, can't you?
She won't wake up.
(CHUCKLING)
That's true.
I mean she took some of that
nighttime cough medicine.
You know, that stuff
knocks you out pretty good.
But sneaking out is still
kind of dishonest, isn't it?
Well, you don't
have to sneak out.
Why don't you
just go tell her.
If I wake her up
and tell her that I'm leaving,
then I'm not a great guy
for staying.
If you don't think
you should go, Coach,
let your conscience
be your guide.
Oh, come on!
Just quit badgering me, will you!
I'm trying to think.
Hayden, Hayden.
It's one little hour!
She'll never know
you're gone.
You know what's really
bothering me here
is I never asked for this "great guy"
label, anyway. I mean,
Christine,
you just painted me into a corner.
And now I can't go out
and have a good time.
I got this "great guy"
noose around my neck!
So what are you
going to do?
Well, I don't know,
it's so confusing.
What's right, what's wrong,
what's great, what's sneaky?
You know what
would really help?
I think it would really help
if I could just get out
of here for an hour
and just clear my head.
Come on, let's go!
Good.
Okay, come on in.
She's still asleep.
Okay, now,
let's find your earring,
and you can get
the hell out of here.
Okey-dokey.
You know, I guess it doesn't
really matter if we find it.
It wasn't
that expensive.
Oh yeah? Well, if Christine finds
it, it's gonna be very expensive.
It's going to cost me
a relationship.
Oh man, I hope she
doesn't come out here now.
It's not like we're doing
anything wrong.
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
What's the matter?
Well, gee, you know...
I found your
stupid little unicorn.
Great.
Yeah, terrific.
Now just get the hell
out of here.
Oh, I feel
a little dizzy.
You all right?
I guess I had more champagne
than I thought.
I'm sure I'll feel much better
once I get in the car.
What?
No, wait a minute.
If you're feeling dizzy,
you can't drive.
You wouldn't have a cup of
coffee, would you?
Oh!
Well, yeah.
Yeah, I guess I can
make one real quick.
But then you're gonna
have to get out of here.
Thanks.
You're awfully nice.
Yeah, I told you
what a great guy I am.
CHRISTINE: Hayden?
Yes!
What's going on?
Get back in there.
Don't say anything.
What are you doing?
I was just washing
the dishes, pumpkin.
Washing the dishes.
Oh, Hayden, you're too good to be true.
Yeah, I know that.
How are you feeling?
Putrid.
I just came out
to get a glass of water.
Oh, no you don't.
No you don't.
As long as I'm out here,
you don't go anywhere near that kitchen!
Now you just go
back to bed.
I'll get
that water for you.
Hayden, you really
are an angel.
Well, then let me
earn my wings.
Come on,
you go back to bed.
When are you coming?
Soon. Soon as I get your water.
Okay.
Now go, go, go, go. Okay.
Come on, come on,
come on! Go, go, go.
Where are we going?
You've got to get
out of here.
I thought you said
I was too dizzy to drive.
There's a hotel
right across the street.
You can check
into a room.
I don't have
any money.
Date purse.
I only have a dollar.
All right.
Here's 100 bucks.
Go get yourself a room.
Boy, you really are
agreat guy.
I could sure go
for somebody like you.
You wouldn't want to come
with me, would you?
Dinah, if I wanted
to come with you,
I wouldn't have
hidden you in the kitchen.
CHRISTINE:
Hayden?
Yes, my sweet?
CHRISTINE: Is there a
problem getting my water?
HAYDEN: No problem!
I can't keep stalling.
You gotta let yourself out.
Just close the door
behind you.
It was really nice
meeting you.
HAYDEN: Water, water, water,
water, water.
Good, good, good, good, good.
Made it.
I'm still a great guy.
CHRISTINE: Hayden,
when you bring me my tea,
would you also bring
the afghan off the sofa?
Sure.
Yikes!
CHRISTINE:
What's the matter?
There's a spider
out here, Christine.
It's a great big spider.
CHRISTINE:
Oh, God.
You don't want to
come out here, Christine.
Dinah, Dinah, wake up.
Wake up, wake up.
Huh? What the hell
are you doing here?
I thought you were
going home last night.
I guess I fell asleep
on the sofa.
What time is it?
Well, it's the end of the world.
Come on, you gotta get
up, up, up, up.
CHRISTINE:
Hayden, what are you doing?
Well, I'm trying to get
rid of the spider!
I'm trying to get the spider
to get out of here.
Come on,
get out of here!
CHRISTINE:
You're asking it to leave?
I'm trying everything,
Christine!
Marion!
Oh, good morning, Hayden.
Yeah, I'll be right back
to say hello.
What the hell is she doing out there?
Come on.
CHRISTINE:
Hayden, are you okay?
Yep, yep, just trying
to take care of that spider!
Don't say a word.
I've got this spider
on the ropes, Christine!
Marion, is that gas I smell
coming from your apartment?
Yeah, sure smells like gas. Gas?
You'd better get in there
and turn it off
before it blows
the whole thing up.
Oh dear.
Yeah.
Spider's dead,
Christine!
Be in there in a minute
with the afghan.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Hayden,
forget the afghan.
I think I'll just come
out and lie on the couch.
What?
Am I going now?
No, get back in there!
Tea ready?
Huh?
The tea.
You said you were going
to make me a cup of tea.
Well, of course I did
and I'm gonna get in there
and check and
see how it's doing.
Okay, yeah, water's boiling.
Your tea with just a
little bit of honey
will be ready in one minute.
CHRISTINE: Mmm.
Christine,
you should go back to bed.
Oh, I don't
want to go back to bed.
I'm still a little groggy,
but I'm feeling so much better this morning.
You sure you don't want
to go back to bed?
What I want is for you to
come and sit down next to me.
Okay.
Hmm.
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
I know I told you this
already, but
it meant so much that you
stayed here with me last night.
It said to me that our
relationship means more to you now
than anything else.
And that's just so important,
and so wonderful to know.
Thank you.
Are you
going to sneeze again?
No, this time
lam going to cry.
Oh, well...
Would you...
Oh.
Aw.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(COOS EXCITEDLY)
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Where did this come from?
The tea?
China, I guess.
No, I mean, when did you...
Am I so out of it that I didn't
notice you going to get the tea?
It didn't
walk in here by itself.
Honey, I don't think you
realize how sick you are.
I think you're still
very diseased, Christine.
I think you ought to get to bed.
Come on now. No, no, no.
I really... I'm feeling
so much better.
Besides,
I'm bored in bed.
Hey, you want
to make love?
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Now?
Oh God, Hayden,
my hair's all matted.
And I'm still all sweaty
with the fever.
And ... l haven't even
brushed my teeth.
Oh, stop it,
Christine.
You're turning me on so much,
I can't believe it.
Really?
Oh, yeah, really.
I want you now
more than ever, honey.
You're turning me on.
You're driving me crazy.
My mind's
just doing flip flops.
Yeah, you just
90, go, go, go.
You go on there
and gargle
and I'll be right in
in a minute.
What are you going to do?
Well, I'm gonna lock the door
and put Bo/éro on the stereo.
Okay.
Go, go, go.
Come on,
let's go, go, go, go.
Oh, everything's fine.
I checked and there wasn't
any gas leak at all.
Damn!
You got to get back
in the kitchen!
(LOUD GARGLING)
You're driving me wild,
Christine!
(GROANING)
Is everything all right,
Hayden?
Well, Christine is very sick, Marion.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah. She's delirious.
She's got a fever.
I think she's going to die.
You got to run down to the
store and get some aspirin.
Aspirin?
Shouldn't you call a doctor?
I did call a doctor!
Doctor said aspirin
was her only hope.
Hayden, I think
she's gotta have more than...
Marion, don't argue with me!
Just get down there and get the aspirin!
Thank you.
CHRISTINE:
I'm ready.
Me, too.
I'll just put on
some music.
(THE WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE
PLAYING ON STEREO)
Jeez!
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR) Coast is clear.
Coast is finally clear.
I'll get it!
Where is she?
Who?
My girlfriend, Dinah!
I know
she was here last night!
Hayden, what in the world is going on here?
Who is this?
I don't know, some guy
who's got the wrong apartment.
I ain't got
the wrong apartment.
(SHOUTING)
Dinah, where are you?
Who's Dinah?
I'm Dinah.
Hayden?
Christine, I have no idea
who these people are.
Vince, I swear to you,
nothing happened last night!
This man
never touched me.
Hayden, what is she
talking about?
By the way,
here's your $100 back.
What's that for?
The hotel room.
(CHRISTINE EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God, Hayden!
What in the hell is
going on here?
HAYDEN: I can explain
everything, Christine.
First of all.
Let me start by saying,
that I'm not as great a guy as you think I am.
filmed before a studio audience.
Hayden, you'd better
sit down,
I've got...
Well, you are sitting down.
Maybe I'd better
sit down.
I've got great news.
I can't sit down,
I'm too excited.
Come on, Luther,
just get on with it.
Guess who can
play Saturday?
Who?
You'd better sit down.
Luther, come on!
Okay, all right.
Okay, Daub,
bring him in!
Bo! Your shoulder's
not bandaged!
Show him
what you can do, Bo.
Oh, I love this!
And you can throw it farther
than five feet, right?
We were just up
on the practice field.
He let it go
for 55 yards.
I know I haven't played
all season,
but I think
I can start Saturday.
That is if you don't mind
my being a little rusty.
You kidding?
You rusty is better than
anybody we got fully greased.
Listen, I just want you to
take it easy before game time.
I don't want you
to lift anything,
I don't want you
to throw anything.
If you have to
scratch an itch,
I want you
to call Dauber.
Okay, Coach.
No, I'm not kidding, Bo.
You give Dauber the key
to your dorm room.
I want you safe and
sound until Saturday.
I don't want to do anything that
could possibly injure that shoulder.
You got it.
Dauber, I want you
to keep an eye on him.
Don't let him
leave your side.
You can count
on me, Coach.
I'm not gonna let him
out of my sight.
Holy cow!
Which way?
DAUBER:
Bo, wait up!
Bus is ready to leave
for the airport.
By the way,
did you guys see the article
in today's student
paper about Bo?
I'm quoted
for the first time ever.
I'll read it if you like.
It says, "The return
of Bo Whitley
"could salvage what has been a
heartbreaking season until now."
Here's my part.
Assistant coach,
Michael "Dauber" Dybinski says, quote,
"It sure is going to be great
to have Bo back.”
End quote.
You know,
it's funny.
When I was first
approached about this,
I was afraid I wouldn't
have anything to say.
But once I started talking,
I just couldn't stop.
I feel kind of immortal.
That's great, Daub.
You wanna feel kind of useful
and put our bags
in the bus?
'Cause we've got
a plane to catch.
You bet.
Here, I'll help you.
Hi.
Hey, you guys.
Did you see my quote
in today's paper?
No.
Here, I have a copy.
I made a lot of extras.
Excuse me.
What do you need?
Nothing. We just came down to
wish you luck on tomorrow's game.
Bonne chance!
Listen, since
the game tomorrow
is going to be televised
and you're going to be
out of town,
and since your
big screen TV
works so much better
than our radio,
we were just wondering
if possibly we could
come over to your cabin
and watch the game there?
Hmm.
You want to watch
a football game, Stu?
As much as I abhor
the sexual stereotype,
lam a guy, sir.
I can enjoy the drama
of the gridiron
as much as the next fellow.
Yeah, you're a regular
lumberjack.
It just so happens
that Kelly and I and
the rest of
the theater department
really do want
to watch the game.
Ah. Well, you guys wouldn't
be using the football game
to con me into letting
you use my cabin
for a party this weekend,
would you?
(EXCLAIMING)
Dad!
Why do you always think
I have an ulterior motive
whenever I ask
you something?
Well, you are
my daughter, sweetheart,
and I keep thinking you must
have inherited something from me.
If we wanted to have a
party, we'd be honest
and just come right out
and ask you.
Just out of curiosity,
what if some day
we were honest
and we did want to have
a party at your cabin?
I guess that'd be okay.
What if that someday
were Saturday?
Kelly, tell you what,
just do me a favor, huh?
At some point
during the party,
would you at least
turn on the game?
Of course, Dad.
Don't let me
forget that.
Bye! See you Sunday.
Bonne chance, Dauber.
Merci.
Bus is all ready
to go, Coach.
Man, the guys
are really psyched.
I'll tell you,
I've never seen the team so fired up.
You know,
I've been thinking,
we've been waiting all
season for Bo to come back.
I mean, if we win,
I think we really ought to
do something to celebrate.
What did you have in mind?
Let me run this by you.
I'm just kind of
freewheeling it here.
What... What if,
when we land,
instead of coming back here
on the bus with the team,
we stay in Minneapolis,
we go to Chuck's Big Chicken,
get a family size bucket
of all white,
and I don't know,
go to a drive-in movie or something?
Wow! Does that sound great!
And I'm not
just talking chicken either!
I mean the biscuits,
the beans, the coleslaw,
the whole
picnic party special.
If we don't win
I'm going to cry!
I think I'm going
to cry now!
That's your idea
of a great time?
A stupid bucket of chicken
and a movie?
If we're going to treat
ourselves, let's do it right.
What, are you talking
about ribs or something?
Fellas, you know,
Chuck's Big Chicken
is not the only great place
to eat in Minneapolis.
If we're gonna celebrate,
come on, let's do
something sophisticated.
Let's get ourselves
some steaks.
Let's just go wild!
Tell you what.
You guys get a hotel room,
I'll stay with Christine,
I'll meet you at Montana's
for dinner,
and after that we'll go out
and we will
destroy Minneapolis!
LUTHER: All right!
That sounds great!
Hey, Luth, where do you
want to get a room?
You know, there's a motel right
next to Chuck's Big Chicken.
You mean Chuck's Big Motel?
Yeah!
Awesome!
And then in the morning
we can go to Chuck's
and get the
big breakfast platter!
LUTHER: Right!
(SINGING) Oh, Bo Whitley
I'm glad you play for me
We beat the heck
out of Texas Tech
Next week it's Tennessee
Christine,
your conquering hero is home!
Put on your dancing shoes,
I'm ready to party!
Hi, Hayden.
Gee, oh, no.
You're not sick, are you?
I've been trying all day not to
be, but it's hard.
What's the matter?
Well, I think
I've got the flu.
I've had the chills
all day, I'm achy,
my temperature is 102,
and my throat
is killing me.
Do you think going out
would make you feel better?
It was all I could do
to come out here.
I think you should
celebrate without me.
No way, Christine.
Come on, I'm going to stay
here and take care of you.
You are?
Yeah, is that such
a huge surprise?
Well, kind of.
Oh, honey, I'm not going to run
out on you when you're sick.
Oh, Hayden,
that is so sweet.
You'd do the same
thing for me.
Well, I know,
but it's just so unusually
thoughtful of you.
I mean, that you'd give up
your celebration
to stay with me.
(SNIFFING) You really
are agreat guy.
You gonna cry?
No, no,
I'm going to sneeze.
(SNEEZES LOUDLY)
Wow, you are sick!
Yeah.
Usually when you sneeze,
it's just one of those little bird sneezes.
That was a
door-slammer, Christine.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, come on here,
I'll help you.
Will Luther and Dauber be really
disappointed you're not there?
Oh, no, they'll probably
be thrilled.
This way, they can eat
chicken and biscuits
until they can't walk.
It'll be the night they've
always dreamed about.
You really are my hero.
Hey and you know,
the best thing is,
I'm not doing this for points or anything.
It's just
coming naturally.
(SIGHS)
I haven't looked through
a Newsweek in ages.
Better make myself
some dinner.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi, Hayden.
Christine still sick?
Yeah,
she's in bed, sleeping.
What are you
doing here?
You're not going to believe who
we ran into at the restaurant.
Hayden!
Hey, Tom!
(LAUGHS)
You old dog!
Good to see you!
Come on in here!
What are you
doing here?
Oh, I flew in to cover
the Viking game tomorrow.
Oh, friends.
Hayden Fox,
I would like you to meet Kendra.
Hi, my name is Kendra.
Gotcha.
And this is Dinah.
Nice to meet you.
I'm a huge
football fan.
Oh yeah? Tom tells me
you're a coach or something?
Yeah, yeah.
Why don't you sit down?
We didn't mean
to barge in, Hayden,
but we found out
about this great party
and a lot of the Viking
coaches are going to be there.
We're all invited.
You're kidding.
Well, technically,
Tom's invited.
But he can get us in.
Well, technically,
it's Kendra and Dinah who are invited,
but they can get us in.
Geez, I'd love to go.
You know how much I want
to meet the Viking coaches!
But I'd promised Christine
I'd stay here with her.
Well, I thought that
you said she was asleep.
Well, she is, but still, you
know, I think I should stay here.
It's going to be a
once-in-a-lifetime party, Coach.
They only have it
twice a year.
Well, hey, it's not that
I don't want to go, you know!
It's just that Christine
made this big deal
about what a great guy I was
for staying with her.
Hayden,
if she's sleeping,
how would she even
know you're gone?
If she's anything like me
when I have the flu,
I can sleep around
the clock.
It's like I'm dead
from the neck up.
All right.
Now, come on,
you can sneak off
for an hour, can't you?
She won't wake up.
(CHUCKLING)
That's true.
I mean she took some of that
nighttime cough medicine.
You know, that stuff
knocks you out pretty good.
But sneaking out is still
kind of dishonest, isn't it?
Well, you don't
have to sneak out.
Why don't you
just go tell her.
If I wake her up
and tell her that I'm leaving,
then I'm not a great guy
for staying.
If you don't think
you should go, Coach,
let your conscience
be your guide.
Oh, come on!
Just quit badgering me, will you!
I'm trying to think.
Hayden, Hayden.
It's one little hour!
She'll never know
you're gone.
You know what's really
bothering me here
is I never asked for this "great guy"
label, anyway. I mean,
Christine,
you just painted me into a corner.
And now I can't go out
and have a good time.
I got this "great guy"
noose around my neck!
So what are you
going to do?
Well, I don't know,
it's so confusing.
What's right, what's wrong,
what's great, what's sneaky?
You know what
would really help?
I think it would really help
if I could just get out
of here for an hour
and just clear my head.
Come on, let's go!
Good.
Okay, come on in.
She's still asleep.
Okay, now,
let's find your earring,
and you can get
the hell out of here.
Okey-dokey.
You know, I guess it doesn't
really matter if we find it.
It wasn't
that expensive.
Oh yeah? Well, if Christine finds
it, it's gonna be very expensive.
It's going to cost me
a relationship.
Oh man, I hope she
doesn't come out here now.
It's not like we're doing
anything wrong.
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
What's the matter?
Well, gee, you know...
I found your
stupid little unicorn.
Great.
Yeah, terrific.
Now just get the hell
out of here.
Oh, I feel
a little dizzy.
You all right?
I guess I had more champagne
than I thought.
I'm sure I'll feel much better
once I get in the car.
What?
No, wait a minute.
If you're feeling dizzy,
you can't drive.
You wouldn't have a cup of
coffee, would you?
Oh!
Well, yeah.
Yeah, I guess I can
make one real quick.
But then you're gonna
have to get out of here.
Thanks.
You're awfully nice.
Yeah, I told you
what a great guy I am.
CHRISTINE: Hayden?
Yes!
What's going on?
Get back in there.
Don't say anything.
What are you doing?
I was just washing
the dishes, pumpkin.
Washing the dishes.
Oh, Hayden, you're too good to be true.
Yeah, I know that.
How are you feeling?
Putrid.
I just came out
to get a glass of water.
Oh, no you don't.
No you don't.
As long as I'm out here,
you don't go anywhere near that kitchen!
Now you just go
back to bed.
I'll get
that water for you.
Hayden, you really
are an angel.
Well, then let me
earn my wings.
Come on,
you go back to bed.
When are you coming?
Soon. Soon as I get your water.
Okay.
Now go, go, go, go. Okay.
Come on, come on,
come on! Go, go, go.
Where are we going?
You've got to get
out of here.
I thought you said
I was too dizzy to drive.
There's a hotel
right across the street.
You can check
into a room.
I don't have
any money.
Date purse.
I only have a dollar.
All right.
Here's 100 bucks.
Go get yourself a room.
Boy, you really are
agreat guy.
I could sure go
for somebody like you.
You wouldn't want to come
with me, would you?
Dinah, if I wanted
to come with you,
I wouldn't have
hidden you in the kitchen.
CHRISTINE:
Hayden?
Yes, my sweet?
CHRISTINE: Is there a
problem getting my water?
HAYDEN: No problem!
I can't keep stalling.
You gotta let yourself out.
Just close the door
behind you.
It was really nice
meeting you.
HAYDEN: Water, water, water,
water, water.
Good, good, good, good, good.
Made it.
I'm still a great guy.
CHRISTINE: Hayden,
when you bring me my tea,
would you also bring
the afghan off the sofa?
Sure.
Yikes!
CHRISTINE:
What's the matter?
There's a spider
out here, Christine.
It's a great big spider.
CHRISTINE:
Oh, God.
You don't want to
come out here, Christine.
Dinah, Dinah, wake up.
Wake up, wake up.
Huh? What the hell
are you doing here?
I thought you were
going home last night.
I guess I fell asleep
on the sofa.
What time is it?
Well, it's the end of the world.
Come on, you gotta get
up, up, up, up.
CHRISTINE:
Hayden, what are you doing?
Well, I'm trying to get
rid of the spider!
I'm trying to get the spider
to get out of here.
Come on,
get out of here!
CHRISTINE:
You're asking it to leave?
I'm trying everything,
Christine!
Marion!
Oh, good morning, Hayden.
Yeah, I'll be right back
to say hello.
What the hell is she doing out there?
Come on.
CHRISTINE:
Hayden, are you okay?
Yep, yep, just trying
to take care of that spider!
Don't say a word.
I've got this spider
on the ropes, Christine!
Marion, is that gas I smell
coming from your apartment?
Yeah, sure smells like gas. Gas?
You'd better get in there
and turn it off
before it blows
the whole thing up.
Oh dear.
Yeah.
Spider's dead,
Christine!
Be in there in a minute
with the afghan.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Hayden,
forget the afghan.
I think I'll just come
out and lie on the couch.
What?
Am I going now?
No, get back in there!
Tea ready?
Huh?
The tea.
You said you were going
to make me a cup of tea.
Well, of course I did
and I'm gonna get in there
and check and
see how it's doing.
Okay, yeah, water's boiling.
Your tea with just a
little bit of honey
will be ready in one minute.
CHRISTINE: Mmm.
Christine,
you should go back to bed.
Oh, I don't
want to go back to bed.
I'm still a little groggy,
but I'm feeling so much better this morning.
You sure you don't want
to go back to bed?
What I want is for you to
come and sit down next to me.
Okay.
Hmm.
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
I know I told you this
already, but
it meant so much that you
stayed here with me last night.
It said to me that our
relationship means more to you now
than anything else.
And that's just so important,
and so wonderful to know.
Thank you.
Are you
going to sneeze again?
No, this time
lam going to cry.
Oh, well...
Would you...
Oh.
Aw.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(COOS EXCITEDLY)
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Where did this come from?
The tea?
China, I guess.
No, I mean, when did you...
Am I so out of it that I didn't
notice you going to get the tea?
It didn't
walk in here by itself.
Honey, I don't think you
realize how sick you are.
I think you're still
very diseased, Christine.
I think you ought to get to bed.
Come on now. No, no, no.
I really... I'm feeling
so much better.
Besides,
I'm bored in bed.
Hey, you want
to make love?
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Now?
Oh God, Hayden,
my hair's all matted.
And I'm still all sweaty
with the fever.
And ... l haven't even
brushed my teeth.
Oh, stop it,
Christine.
You're turning me on so much,
I can't believe it.
Really?
Oh, yeah, really.
I want you now
more than ever, honey.
You're turning me on.
You're driving me crazy.
My mind's
just doing flip flops.
Yeah, you just
90, go, go, go.
You go on there
and gargle
and I'll be right in
in a minute.
What are you going to do?
Well, I'm gonna lock the door
and put Bo/éro on the stereo.
Okay.
Go, go, go.
Come on,
let's go, go, go, go.
Oh, everything's fine.
I checked and there wasn't
any gas leak at all.
Damn!
You got to get back
in the kitchen!
(LOUD GARGLING)
You're driving me wild,
Christine!
(GROANING)
Is everything all right,
Hayden?
Well, Christine is very sick, Marion.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah. She's delirious.
She's got a fever.
I think she's going to die.
You got to run down to the
store and get some aspirin.
Aspirin?
Shouldn't you call a doctor?
I did call a doctor!
Doctor said aspirin
was her only hope.
Hayden, I think
she's gotta have more than...
Marion, don't argue with me!
Just get down there and get the aspirin!
Thank you.
CHRISTINE:
I'm ready.
Me, too.
I'll just put on
some music.
(THE WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE
PLAYING ON STEREO)
Jeez!
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR) Coast is clear.
Coast is finally clear.
I'll get it!
Where is she?
Who?
My girlfriend, Dinah!
I know
she was here last night!
Hayden, what in the world is going on here?
Who is this?
I don't know, some guy
who's got the wrong apartment.
I ain't got
the wrong apartment.
(SHOUTING)
Dinah, where are you?
Who's Dinah?
I'm Dinah.
Hayden?
Christine, I have no idea
who these people are.
Vince, I swear to you,
nothing happened last night!
This man
never touched me.
Hayden, what is she
talking about?
By the way,
here's your $100 back.
What's that for?
The hotel room.
(CHRISTINE EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God, Hayden!
What in the hell is
going on here?
HAYDEN: I can explain
everything, Christine.
First of all.
Let me start by saying,
that I'm not as great a guy as you think I am.