Coach (1989–1997): Season 3, Episode 4 - Is This Your First Time on the Riverboat, Miss Watkins? - full transcript
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
I'll get it, Hayden.
Oh, good morning.
Do you have any kids?
I beg your pardon.
We just moved in
down the lake,
and I wondered if you had
any kids for me to play with.
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I don't.
Oh. Well, if you don't have any kids,
then how come you have a basketball hoop?
Well, that belongs
to my boy...
To the man
who lives here, Mr. Fox.
He likes to shoot baskets
sometimes, but he's all grown up.
Oh.
If he's all grown up,
then how come he has a tire swing?
That isn't really a swing.
He likes to practice throwing
footballs through it.
He's a football coach.
Oh.
What does he use
the tree house for?
I don't know.
So you really don't have any kids
around here for me to play with?
I'm sorry.
Do you think Mr. Fox
would want to play with me?
Hold on a second.
Hayden.
Coach, I just heard
the weather.
It looks like we're going
to have some rain next week.
Jeez, that's just great.
Now, the practice field's
going to be all mush.
We've lost Bo Whitley already
to an injury this year.
With my luck,
we're going to lose somebody else.
I mean, nothing's
going right this season.
You got any more bad news?
I didn't really think
that was bad news.
I just brought it up
as a conversation starter.
(METAL CRASHING)
What the hell
is that?
Hey, Watkins,
what do you think you're doing?
I'm taking
the projector, Fox.
Hey, honey.
Hey, sweet stuff.
It's her pet name,
Coach. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Who gave you permission
to steal my projector?
The projectors do not belong
to the football team, Hayden.
The projectors belong
to the Athletic Department.
Judy, the football team is
the Athletic Department.
The projector stays here.
Hayden. Oh, there you are.
Hayden, I've got bad news.
Stacey just called. He's got the flu.
He won't be in today.
We're going to be one
coach short at practice.
Well, that's not the worst
news I've ever heard.
I can cover for a
coach at practice.
Of course,
that means we'll be one guy short
for the poker game tonight.
Jeez, I forgot about
the poker game.
I look forward to this old
poker game all week long.
It's the only thing that
relaxes me the whole season.
Well, not the only thing,
but Christine isn't coming down till the weekend.
Well, while you guys
tackle this major problem,
I believe I will just take
my projector and leave.
Dauber!
Is this a compromise?
We let Judy take the
projector, and in exchange,
she graciously agrees to be
our fifth at poker tonight.
How is that a compromise?
I get two things I don't want.
Well, yeah, and besides,
me cleaning Hayden out at poker
isn't exactly going to
help relax him.
So, if you will just
excuse me.
Hold it there,
Big Bird.
What do you mean,
"Clean Hayden out at poker"?
I happen to be a good poker
player, Hayden.
And I don't think you'd want
me in your game tonight.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Get back in here.
Am I hearing a challenge
in there somewhere, Judy?
Judy, I'd be careful
where I'm walking.
When it comes to cards,
Hayden's like a professional gambler.
I mean,
he cleans us out every week.
You mean, you, Michael,
and Howard Burleigh. You betcha.
Oh, boy, talk about
the World Series of Poker.
(SCOFFING)
No offense,
honey.
None taken.
You want to play
tonight, Judy?
You really want to play
poker with me, Hayden?
I'll tell you something right now,
this is no penny ante girlie game.
This is a man's game.
Five-Card Draw. Nothing wild.
We can still play "Spit
in the Ocean," can't we?
Yeah, we can still play "Spit
in the Ocean” on your deal.
But the rest of the time,
it's a man's game.
Well, bust open your little piggy bank,
Hayden, because I'll see you tonight.
The only thing I'm going to bust
is a gut laughing at your losing!
You Georgia
Peachtree!
You want me to get
the projector back?
That's the one
that doesn't work, right?
Yeah.
Nah.
HOWARD: (WHOOPING) Just smelling
that chili makes me perspire.
All right. Taste this and tell me what you think.
Here you go. Here you go.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Spicy, isn't it?
What did you put in this?
Well, I goosed it up
a little for Judy tonight.
This is gonna
kill her.
I hope so.
Hey, everybody.
There you are.
What took so long?
Sorry we're late.
It's my fault.
I had to dry my hair.
You'd think at that altitude
the wind would do it.
You going to start in
on me already, Hayden?
It was a joke, Judy.
This is a poker party.
We tell jokes.
Okay. Well, looks like when the wind was
drying your hair some of it blew off.
(MOCKING LAUGHTER)
Howard, you pass out
the chips.
Daub, get ready to deal.
Okay, yes!
Judy, get ready to play a man's
game the way only men can play it.
We usually buy in
for $20 to start.
Unless that's too rich
for you, Watkins?
No. That's a good warm up.
Warm up? That's my fun money
for the whole month.
Oh, shut up,
Luther.
By the way, Judy, I stopped in
at your practice the other day.
Your team looks very
impressive this year.
Thank you, Howard.
You're doing a wonderful job.
Hey, Howard,
you want a ladder to kiss her butt?
Let's keep our minds
on poker, huh?
Jacks or better
to open.
Everybody ante
in a quarter.
Ante in.
I'm in.
Somebody's not in.
MEN: Luther.
It's to you, Coach.
Okay, I'm in for a buck.
I'm out.
Luther.
Anybody want
any more chili?
No, thanks.
My shirt is soaked through already.
Get Judy and Dauber
some, will you?
Coach?
Just one there,
Dauby-doo.
I'll keep one and take four.
Holding onto
your ace there, Howie?
He's a wizard.
I can never fool him.
I'll take three.
Thanks, Luther.
Yummy, isn't it?
Frankly, Hayden,
it's a little bland for my taste.
You got any
Tabasco sauce?
You're going to put Tabasco sauce on
the Fox's Famous Five Alarm Chili?
If she wants Tabasco sauce,
get her Tabasco sauce.
Did we come here to play cards or
to watch Charles Bronson eat chili?
I'm in
for two bucks.
I'm out.
I'm out.
What a bunch of weenies.
All right, it's just you and me, Watkins.
Are you in or out?
Is there a limit
on how much you can raise?
Nope. No limit.
There is, too.
It's $2.
We made that rule so nobody loses
that much and the game stays friendly.
Yeah, well, those
are weenie rules
and we're not playing
a weenie game tonight.
This is a war between me and Watkins
to see who the better poker player is.
Okay. I'll see your $2
and I'll raise you five.
(EXCLAIMING)
A $5 raise.
Someone get me
some smelling salts.
I'll see your five,
and I'll raise you 25.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
That's a sport coat!
Okay, I'll see your 25,
and I'll raise you 25.
Another 25?
Judy, that's the biggest pot
we've ever had!
No, it is not.
We've had bigger pots than that.
When?
When you weren't here.
When wasn't I here?
I don't know.
You're barely here now.
And by the way, Watkins,
this bluff isn't working. I'm loving this.
I see your 25, and I raise you...
One hundred.
A hundred dollars?
That's a suit
with two pair of pants.
This is getting
out of hand, guys.
A hundred dollars, Watkins.
Hold 'em or fold 'em.
Call.
Kings and tens.
Three fours.
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
Judy just won more in one pot than
Coach has ever won in a whole night.
In a whole night
that I was here.
You okay, Hayden?
I'm fine. It's just one hand, that's all.
It's a lousy $125.
In a man's game, it doesn't mean anything.
It's peanuts.
It doesn't mean a thing.
Where are you going?
I'm going to go get my money
sock so I can keep on playing.
Deal 'em up.
JUDY:
The bet's to you, Hayden.
I know that.
I see your 10,
I'll raise you 20.
Another
$200 pot.
God, I wish I had the guts
to stay in on one of these.
Call.
Flush.
King high.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Well, there aren't a lot
of hands that'll beat that.
But a full house will.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Jeez!
Well, what do you say
we call it a night?
Great idea.
No way.
Hayden, it's 1:00
in the morning.
I still have laundry
to do tonight.
I'm wrung out, Hayden.
I need to go home.
Nobody goes home.
Nobody!
I'll play one more hand.
What is one more hand
going to prove?
It's going to prove
I'm a better poker player.
Please, Hayden,
you've lost a fortune tonight.
I haven't lost that much.
You don't call $1,100 that much?
That was your
whole money sock.
Do you know how much
$1,100 will buy?
Yeah, a suit with 200 pairs of pants.
Who cares?
Come on, let's
play another hand.
Her lucky streak
can't last forever.
Luck? You were
out played, Hayden.
Why don't you just
admit that you lost?
Hey, nobody loses
until the game is over.
And I don't say it's over
until it's over.
And it's not over
until I've won.
How are you going to win
if we only play one more hand?
We're gonna play for everything you've won.
Double or nothing.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
I'm going home.
Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Cut and run. Cut and run.
You're afraid to admit
you had a lucky streak.
Just like you've been lucky
your whole coaching career.
You're pathetic!
Maybe, but at least
I'm not lucky.
Come on, Michael,
let's go.
Oh, yeah, go ahead,
retreat.
Just like you did
in the Civil War.
Well, that rips it.
Okay, Hayden,
you want to play one more hand?
We'll play one more hand.
Good, double or nothing.
Oh, no. No, no. If we're going to put
everything on the line for one hand,
let's make it interesting.
You don't think
$1,100 is interesting?
Oh, I call it
nickels and dimes.
But it's so
many of them.
So what would
make it interesting?
Something that'd really mean
something to each of us.
Like, I saw my Daddy
bet his car once.
It was a classic Morgan
and he loved that car,
but he was willing to risk it
all just to make it interesting.
'Course, my Daddy
is a real gambler,
and a real man.
What are you saying?
We bet our cars?
It's just a question of whether or not
you really want to play a man's game.
Deal 'em up, Daub.
All right.
This has gone far enough.
If nobody's going to do
anything, then I will.
As Athletic Director,
I outrank both of you.
1 will not allow this
nonsense to go any further.
I forbid you
to play this hand.
Howard, shut up.
Well, 1 did all I could.
I'm going home.
Hayden, I hope you
know what you're doing.
Five-Card Draw.
I'll take two.
Good.
Three.
Okay, Hayden,
let's see them.
Two pair.
Aces and queens.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Well, I've got two threes,
a jack, a 10,
and another three!
(MEN EXCLAIMING DRAMATICALLY)
You lose, buckwheat.
Michael, will you
drive my car home
so I can see
how my new truck handles?
Coach, if you need aride
tomorrow, let me know.
I thought you played
that last hand real well.
Still not here?
No.
I wonder how he's going to
get to work in the rain?
I tried to call,
but there wasn't any answer.
So did I.
You don't think he'd try and do something
stupid like walk to work, do you?
Sure, Dauber. He lives in a cabin
out in the middle of the woods.
He's not going to
walk to work.
Hey, Coach.
Get a little wet, did you?
Yeah, Daub.
You ride nine miles in the rain,
and you're bound to pick up a little moisture.
Who's bike is this?
My best friend, Billy.
The only friend
I got in the whole world.
He lives down the lake from me.
He didn't need his bike this morning
because it was raining so
his mom drove him to school.
How come
she didn't drive you?
Because I don't go
to Billy's school, Luther.
We're both really sorry
about last night.
I think if we let Judy
calm down for a few days,
I can talk her into
giving your truck back.
I don't want her
to give me my truck back.
I've got another plan
for getting my truck back.
What's that?
Luther, I want you to call Howard.
Daub, you call Judy, and I want all you
guys to be over at my place at 8:00 tonight.
We're not going to
play poker again?
No, Luther,
I thought we'd make a quilt.
Yeah, we're gonna
play poker again.
I figured it all out while I was
pedaling along in the rain this morning.
See, what I did last night
was break the cardinal
rule of poker.
I let my personal feelings
for Judy affect my game.
Tonight, it's
going to be different.
I mean, that 90-minute bike
ride did me a world of good.
'Cause I'm in the perfect state
of mind to play poker now.
I'm calm. Relaxed.
I'm rational.
I'm completely dispassionate.
I want you to call Judy,
I'll see you over at my place, 8:00.
I don't think
she'll go for it, Coach.
You tell her I said,
"If she doesn't show up,
"she is the biggest sissy,
wimp, corndog of all time."
That ought to do it.
Luth, you're in
for a treat tonight.
You're going to see
the real Hayden Fox.
A man at his best,
doing what he does better than
anybody else in the whole wide world.
Playing poker brilliantly.
It's your call, Hayden.
What's the bet again?
$600.
That's a Perpetual Care
cemetery plot.
Call.
King high straight.
Oh, God, not again.
It's okay. It's fine.
No problem.
Hayden,
you've lost $3,000,
and it's only 8:30! It's no problem.
Deal 'em up again.
I'll win
everything back.
With what?
You're out of money, again.
Yeah, I'm out of cash.
I'm not out of assets.
Where are you going?
I don't have to tell
you where I'm going.
He's going to his desk.
Okay.
This is a deed to some land I own
just outside of Spokane, Washington.
It's the most beautiful and
tranquil spot you'll ever see, Judy.
I'd hoped to
retire there someday,
just build a little house,
and go hiking and fishing
and just kind of
enjoy nature's bounty.
I'll bet this.
You're going to bet
your retirement property?
It's the perfect bet.
If 1 win, I can still retire there.
And if I don't,
I can't afford to retire anyway.
Come on,
let's go.
This is
madness, Hayden.
This is not madness.
This is poker.
The more you lose,
the more you bet.
Any winner
will tell you that.
Now, come on.
The bet's $3,000
and a truck
against my four acres
of American wilderness.
Deal 'em up.
Oh, hi.
Christine, what are
you doing here?
I thought we had a date.
What in the world
is going on?
We're having a
friendly game of poker.
Grab a beer.
Sit down, shut up. Come on.
Christine, you've got
to do something.
We played poker last night and Judy sat
in, and she beat Hayden every hand.
Shut up, Luther.
You know how he feels about her.
He went nuts.
Luther, shut up.
So far,
he's lost $3,000.
Luther, shut up. Shut up.
And his truck.
Hayden, could I talk to you
alone for a minute?
No, Christine.
You stay out of this.
I'm not going to have this
woman leaving here thinking
she's a better poker player than I
am, when I know she's not.
And I don't care if I have to
lose everything I own to prove it!
I'm 2 better poker player,
I'm a better coach! I'm a better recruiter!
I'm a better leader.
Hayden, would you please let
me talk to you for one minute?
Yes, because
I'm a better listener!
What in the world
is going on here tonight?
Judy's better than me
at everything.
What?
She is.
She's a better coach.
She's a better recruiter.
She's just better,
that's all, Christine.
So, you're trying to prove
you're a better poker player?
Yeah, well, that's
what I had in mind.
But it's not working out
real well.
Jeez, this is a lousy year.
I know it is, Hayden.
First, Bo Whitley gets injured and the
whole season just goes down the toilet.
And the only thing
I have to look forward to
is this weenie poker game
on Thursday night,
and I can't even
win at that.
I don't know how it got out of
hand, it just did.
I couldn't get it
back into control again.
1 got no confidence,
Christine.
I just feel like
I've lost everything.
Oh, Hayden.
You haven't lost me.
I haven't bet you.
Just try to think of this as a
bad cycle you're going through.
Everybody goes through
bad cycles.
I know it feels like the end of the
world, but believe me, it isn't.
I mean, your luck
has to change eventually.
Well, that's what
I was thinking.
That's how I lost
$3,000 and a 4X4.
Well, maybe it's not
due to change tonight.
Maybe tonight all you can do is send
everybody home and ride this thing out.
We'll ride it out together.
What about the last hand?
Walk away from it.
One hand of poker isn't going
to turn your whole life around.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
I know it's easy for me
to say walk away from it.
It takes a lot of courage
to admit you've lost.
And courage is one of those character
things that kind of appeals to me.
Well, you are one of the people
I like most appealing to.
Boy, I'll tell you
something.
If you hadn't gotten
here when you did,
I could have lost
everything I own.
I wish you'd been
here last night.
I'd still have my truck.
Hey, everybody, the poker game's over.
I lost.
I'm courageous enough
to admit that.
Judy, you're a better
poker player than I am.
But I'm more appealing
than you are.
Hayden...
What?
That's what you said.
Wasn't it?
I didn't say that.
Well, whatever it is you said,
the point is, the game's over.
Everybody just go home.
Thank God.
Hayden, I'm not going to take
your money or your truck.
Come on, you take
it, you won it.
You're a better poker
player than I am.
The last two days
have proven that.
Just like they've
also proven that
if there is a supreme being in the
universe, it's obviously a woman
and she's from the South.
Look.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to go
put my things away
and then you and I are going
to have one wonderful night.
I'll put this stuff away.
Oh, man.
Oh, God.
I had her.
Man, I had her.
Well, thank you, Christine.
filmed before a studio audience.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
I'll get it, Hayden.
Oh, good morning.
Do you have any kids?
I beg your pardon.
We just moved in
down the lake,
and I wondered if you had
any kids for me to play with.
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I don't.
Oh. Well, if you don't have any kids,
then how come you have a basketball hoop?
Well, that belongs
to my boy...
To the man
who lives here, Mr. Fox.
He likes to shoot baskets
sometimes, but he's all grown up.
Oh.
If he's all grown up,
then how come he has a tire swing?
That isn't really a swing.
He likes to practice throwing
footballs through it.
He's a football coach.
Oh.
What does he use
the tree house for?
I don't know.
So you really don't have any kids
around here for me to play with?
I'm sorry.
Do you think Mr. Fox
would want to play with me?
Hold on a second.
Hayden.
Coach, I just heard
the weather.
It looks like we're going
to have some rain next week.
Jeez, that's just great.
Now, the practice field's
going to be all mush.
We've lost Bo Whitley already
to an injury this year.
With my luck,
we're going to lose somebody else.
I mean, nothing's
going right this season.
You got any more bad news?
I didn't really think
that was bad news.
I just brought it up
as a conversation starter.
(METAL CRASHING)
What the hell
is that?
Hey, Watkins,
what do you think you're doing?
I'm taking
the projector, Fox.
Hey, honey.
Hey, sweet stuff.
It's her pet name,
Coach. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Who gave you permission
to steal my projector?
The projectors do not belong
to the football team, Hayden.
The projectors belong
to the Athletic Department.
Judy, the football team is
the Athletic Department.
The projector stays here.
Hayden. Oh, there you are.
Hayden, I've got bad news.
Stacey just called. He's got the flu.
He won't be in today.
We're going to be one
coach short at practice.
Well, that's not the worst
news I've ever heard.
I can cover for a
coach at practice.
Of course,
that means we'll be one guy short
for the poker game tonight.
Jeez, I forgot about
the poker game.
I look forward to this old
poker game all week long.
It's the only thing that
relaxes me the whole season.
Well, not the only thing,
but Christine isn't coming down till the weekend.
Well, while you guys
tackle this major problem,
I believe I will just take
my projector and leave.
Dauber!
Is this a compromise?
We let Judy take the
projector, and in exchange,
she graciously agrees to be
our fifth at poker tonight.
How is that a compromise?
I get two things I don't want.
Well, yeah, and besides,
me cleaning Hayden out at poker
isn't exactly going to
help relax him.
So, if you will just
excuse me.
Hold it there,
Big Bird.
What do you mean,
"Clean Hayden out at poker"?
I happen to be a good poker
player, Hayden.
And I don't think you'd want
me in your game tonight.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Get back in here.
Am I hearing a challenge
in there somewhere, Judy?
Judy, I'd be careful
where I'm walking.
When it comes to cards,
Hayden's like a professional gambler.
I mean,
he cleans us out every week.
You mean, you, Michael,
and Howard Burleigh. You betcha.
Oh, boy, talk about
the World Series of Poker.
(SCOFFING)
No offense,
honey.
None taken.
You want to play
tonight, Judy?
You really want to play
poker with me, Hayden?
I'll tell you something right now,
this is no penny ante girlie game.
This is a man's game.
Five-Card Draw. Nothing wild.
We can still play "Spit
in the Ocean," can't we?
Yeah, we can still play "Spit
in the Ocean” on your deal.
But the rest of the time,
it's a man's game.
Well, bust open your little piggy bank,
Hayden, because I'll see you tonight.
The only thing I'm going to bust
is a gut laughing at your losing!
You Georgia
Peachtree!
You want me to get
the projector back?
That's the one
that doesn't work, right?
Yeah.
Nah.
HOWARD: (WHOOPING) Just smelling
that chili makes me perspire.
All right. Taste this and tell me what you think.
Here you go. Here you go.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Spicy, isn't it?
What did you put in this?
Well, I goosed it up
a little for Judy tonight.
This is gonna
kill her.
I hope so.
Hey, everybody.
There you are.
What took so long?
Sorry we're late.
It's my fault.
I had to dry my hair.
You'd think at that altitude
the wind would do it.
You going to start in
on me already, Hayden?
It was a joke, Judy.
This is a poker party.
We tell jokes.
Okay. Well, looks like when the wind was
drying your hair some of it blew off.
(MOCKING LAUGHTER)
Howard, you pass out
the chips.
Daub, get ready to deal.
Okay, yes!
Judy, get ready to play a man's
game the way only men can play it.
We usually buy in
for $20 to start.
Unless that's too rich
for you, Watkins?
No. That's a good warm up.
Warm up? That's my fun money
for the whole month.
Oh, shut up,
Luther.
By the way, Judy, I stopped in
at your practice the other day.
Your team looks very
impressive this year.
Thank you, Howard.
You're doing a wonderful job.
Hey, Howard,
you want a ladder to kiss her butt?
Let's keep our minds
on poker, huh?
Jacks or better
to open.
Everybody ante
in a quarter.
Ante in.
I'm in.
Somebody's not in.
MEN: Luther.
It's to you, Coach.
Okay, I'm in for a buck.
I'm out.
Luther.
Anybody want
any more chili?
No, thanks.
My shirt is soaked through already.
Get Judy and Dauber
some, will you?
Coach?
Just one there,
Dauby-doo.
I'll keep one and take four.
Holding onto
your ace there, Howie?
He's a wizard.
I can never fool him.
I'll take three.
Thanks, Luther.
Yummy, isn't it?
Frankly, Hayden,
it's a little bland for my taste.
You got any
Tabasco sauce?
You're going to put Tabasco sauce on
the Fox's Famous Five Alarm Chili?
If she wants Tabasco sauce,
get her Tabasco sauce.
Did we come here to play cards or
to watch Charles Bronson eat chili?
I'm in
for two bucks.
I'm out.
I'm out.
What a bunch of weenies.
All right, it's just you and me, Watkins.
Are you in or out?
Is there a limit
on how much you can raise?
Nope. No limit.
There is, too.
It's $2.
We made that rule so nobody loses
that much and the game stays friendly.
Yeah, well, those
are weenie rules
and we're not playing
a weenie game tonight.
This is a war between me and Watkins
to see who the better poker player is.
Okay. I'll see your $2
and I'll raise you five.
(EXCLAIMING)
A $5 raise.
Someone get me
some smelling salts.
I'll see your five,
and I'll raise you 25.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
That's a sport coat!
Okay, I'll see your 25,
and I'll raise you 25.
Another 25?
Judy, that's the biggest pot
we've ever had!
No, it is not.
We've had bigger pots than that.
When?
When you weren't here.
When wasn't I here?
I don't know.
You're barely here now.
And by the way, Watkins,
this bluff isn't working. I'm loving this.
I see your 25, and I raise you...
One hundred.
A hundred dollars?
That's a suit
with two pair of pants.
This is getting
out of hand, guys.
A hundred dollars, Watkins.
Hold 'em or fold 'em.
Call.
Kings and tens.
Three fours.
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
Judy just won more in one pot than
Coach has ever won in a whole night.
In a whole night
that I was here.
You okay, Hayden?
I'm fine. It's just one hand, that's all.
It's a lousy $125.
In a man's game, it doesn't mean anything.
It's peanuts.
It doesn't mean a thing.
Where are you going?
I'm going to go get my money
sock so I can keep on playing.
Deal 'em up.
JUDY:
The bet's to you, Hayden.
I know that.
I see your 10,
I'll raise you 20.
Another
$200 pot.
God, I wish I had the guts
to stay in on one of these.
Call.
Flush.
King high.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Well, there aren't a lot
of hands that'll beat that.
But a full house will.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Jeez!
Well, what do you say
we call it a night?
Great idea.
No way.
Hayden, it's 1:00
in the morning.
I still have laundry
to do tonight.
I'm wrung out, Hayden.
I need to go home.
Nobody goes home.
Nobody!
I'll play one more hand.
What is one more hand
going to prove?
It's going to prove
I'm a better poker player.
Please, Hayden,
you've lost a fortune tonight.
I haven't lost that much.
You don't call $1,100 that much?
That was your
whole money sock.
Do you know how much
$1,100 will buy?
Yeah, a suit with 200 pairs of pants.
Who cares?
Come on, let's
play another hand.
Her lucky streak
can't last forever.
Luck? You were
out played, Hayden.
Why don't you just
admit that you lost?
Hey, nobody loses
until the game is over.
And I don't say it's over
until it's over.
And it's not over
until I've won.
How are you going to win
if we only play one more hand?
We're gonna play for everything you've won.
Double or nothing.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
I'm going home.
Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Cut and run. Cut and run.
You're afraid to admit
you had a lucky streak.
Just like you've been lucky
your whole coaching career.
You're pathetic!
Maybe, but at least
I'm not lucky.
Come on, Michael,
let's go.
Oh, yeah, go ahead,
retreat.
Just like you did
in the Civil War.
Well, that rips it.
Okay, Hayden,
you want to play one more hand?
We'll play one more hand.
Good, double or nothing.
Oh, no. No, no. If we're going to put
everything on the line for one hand,
let's make it interesting.
You don't think
$1,100 is interesting?
Oh, I call it
nickels and dimes.
But it's so
many of them.
So what would
make it interesting?
Something that'd really mean
something to each of us.
Like, I saw my Daddy
bet his car once.
It was a classic Morgan
and he loved that car,
but he was willing to risk it
all just to make it interesting.
'Course, my Daddy
is a real gambler,
and a real man.
What are you saying?
We bet our cars?
It's just a question of whether or not
you really want to play a man's game.
Deal 'em up, Daub.
All right.
This has gone far enough.
If nobody's going to do
anything, then I will.
As Athletic Director,
I outrank both of you.
1 will not allow this
nonsense to go any further.
I forbid you
to play this hand.
Howard, shut up.
Well, 1 did all I could.
I'm going home.
Hayden, I hope you
know what you're doing.
Five-Card Draw.
I'll take two.
Good.
Three.
Okay, Hayden,
let's see them.
Two pair.
Aces and queens.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Well, I've got two threes,
a jack, a 10,
and another three!
(MEN EXCLAIMING DRAMATICALLY)
You lose, buckwheat.
Michael, will you
drive my car home
so I can see
how my new truck handles?
Coach, if you need aride
tomorrow, let me know.
I thought you played
that last hand real well.
Still not here?
No.
I wonder how he's going to
get to work in the rain?
I tried to call,
but there wasn't any answer.
So did I.
You don't think he'd try and do something
stupid like walk to work, do you?
Sure, Dauber. He lives in a cabin
out in the middle of the woods.
He's not going to
walk to work.
Hey, Coach.
Get a little wet, did you?
Yeah, Daub.
You ride nine miles in the rain,
and you're bound to pick up a little moisture.
Who's bike is this?
My best friend, Billy.
The only friend
I got in the whole world.
He lives down the lake from me.
He didn't need his bike this morning
because it was raining so
his mom drove him to school.
How come
she didn't drive you?
Because I don't go
to Billy's school, Luther.
We're both really sorry
about last night.
I think if we let Judy
calm down for a few days,
I can talk her into
giving your truck back.
I don't want her
to give me my truck back.
I've got another plan
for getting my truck back.
What's that?
Luther, I want you to call Howard.
Daub, you call Judy, and I want all you
guys to be over at my place at 8:00 tonight.
We're not going to
play poker again?
No, Luther,
I thought we'd make a quilt.
Yeah, we're gonna
play poker again.
I figured it all out while I was
pedaling along in the rain this morning.
See, what I did last night
was break the cardinal
rule of poker.
I let my personal feelings
for Judy affect my game.
Tonight, it's
going to be different.
I mean, that 90-minute bike
ride did me a world of good.
'Cause I'm in the perfect state
of mind to play poker now.
I'm calm. Relaxed.
I'm rational.
I'm completely dispassionate.
I want you to call Judy,
I'll see you over at my place, 8:00.
I don't think
she'll go for it, Coach.
You tell her I said,
"If she doesn't show up,
"she is the biggest sissy,
wimp, corndog of all time."
That ought to do it.
Luth, you're in
for a treat tonight.
You're going to see
the real Hayden Fox.
A man at his best,
doing what he does better than
anybody else in the whole wide world.
Playing poker brilliantly.
It's your call, Hayden.
What's the bet again?
$600.
That's a Perpetual Care
cemetery plot.
Call.
King high straight.
Oh, God, not again.
It's okay. It's fine.
No problem.
Hayden,
you've lost $3,000,
and it's only 8:30! It's no problem.
Deal 'em up again.
I'll win
everything back.
With what?
You're out of money, again.
Yeah, I'm out of cash.
I'm not out of assets.
Where are you going?
I don't have to tell
you where I'm going.
He's going to his desk.
Okay.
This is a deed to some land I own
just outside of Spokane, Washington.
It's the most beautiful and
tranquil spot you'll ever see, Judy.
I'd hoped to
retire there someday,
just build a little house,
and go hiking and fishing
and just kind of
enjoy nature's bounty.
I'll bet this.
You're going to bet
your retirement property?
It's the perfect bet.
If 1 win, I can still retire there.
And if I don't,
I can't afford to retire anyway.
Come on,
let's go.
This is
madness, Hayden.
This is not madness.
This is poker.
The more you lose,
the more you bet.
Any winner
will tell you that.
Now, come on.
The bet's $3,000
and a truck
against my four acres
of American wilderness.
Deal 'em up.
Oh, hi.
Christine, what are
you doing here?
I thought we had a date.
What in the world
is going on?
We're having a
friendly game of poker.
Grab a beer.
Sit down, shut up. Come on.
Christine, you've got
to do something.
We played poker last night and Judy sat
in, and she beat Hayden every hand.
Shut up, Luther.
You know how he feels about her.
He went nuts.
Luther, shut up.
So far,
he's lost $3,000.
Luther, shut up. Shut up.
And his truck.
Hayden, could I talk to you
alone for a minute?
No, Christine.
You stay out of this.
I'm not going to have this
woman leaving here thinking
she's a better poker player than I
am, when I know she's not.
And I don't care if I have to
lose everything I own to prove it!
I'm 2 better poker player,
I'm a better coach! I'm a better recruiter!
I'm a better leader.
Hayden, would you please let
me talk to you for one minute?
Yes, because
I'm a better listener!
What in the world
is going on here tonight?
Judy's better than me
at everything.
What?
She is.
She's a better coach.
She's a better recruiter.
She's just better,
that's all, Christine.
So, you're trying to prove
you're a better poker player?
Yeah, well, that's
what I had in mind.
But it's not working out
real well.
Jeez, this is a lousy year.
I know it is, Hayden.
First, Bo Whitley gets injured and the
whole season just goes down the toilet.
And the only thing
I have to look forward to
is this weenie poker game
on Thursday night,
and I can't even
win at that.
I don't know how it got out of
hand, it just did.
I couldn't get it
back into control again.
1 got no confidence,
Christine.
I just feel like
I've lost everything.
Oh, Hayden.
You haven't lost me.
I haven't bet you.
Just try to think of this as a
bad cycle you're going through.
Everybody goes through
bad cycles.
I know it feels like the end of the
world, but believe me, it isn't.
I mean, your luck
has to change eventually.
Well, that's what
I was thinking.
That's how I lost
$3,000 and a 4X4.
Well, maybe it's not
due to change tonight.
Maybe tonight all you can do is send
everybody home and ride this thing out.
We'll ride it out together.
What about the last hand?
Walk away from it.
One hand of poker isn't going
to turn your whole life around.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
I know it's easy for me
to say walk away from it.
It takes a lot of courage
to admit you've lost.
And courage is one of those character
things that kind of appeals to me.
Well, you are one of the people
I like most appealing to.
Boy, I'll tell you
something.
If you hadn't gotten
here when you did,
I could have lost
everything I own.
I wish you'd been
here last night.
I'd still have my truck.
Hey, everybody, the poker game's over.
I lost.
I'm courageous enough
to admit that.
Judy, you're a better
poker player than I am.
But I'm more appealing
than you are.
Hayden...
What?
That's what you said.
Wasn't it?
I didn't say that.
Well, whatever it is you said,
the point is, the game's over.
Everybody just go home.
Thank God.
Hayden, I'm not going to take
your money or your truck.
Come on, you take
it, you won it.
You're a better poker
player than I am.
The last two days
have proven that.
Just like they've
also proven that
if there is a supreme being in the
universe, it's obviously a woman
and she's from the South.
Look.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to go
put my things away
and then you and I are going
to have one wonderful night.
I'll put this stuff away.
Oh, man.
Oh, God.
I had her.
Man, I had her.
Well, thank you, Christine.