Coach (1989–1997): Season 3, Episode 17 - Leonard Kraleman: All-American - full transcript
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
Hayden, could I see
you for a minute?
You can see me all day,
you work here.
What's that stupid dog
doing down here?
He's not a stupid dog, Hayden.
Wish you'd quit saying that!
He's just a little
high-strung.
High-strung?
I've got a dead mouse on my porch
that's more high-strung than that dog.
You wouldn't say that
if you could see my apartment.
Every time I leave him
alone he goes nuts.
My landlady says if I don't do something
she's gonna make me get rid of him.
Hey, can I keep him here
until I figure out what to do?
All right, if you're gonna keep him down
here, keep him in the team room.
By himself?
He'll go crazy.
Well, what would "going crazy" be for this dog?
Wagging its tail?
Keep him in
the team room.
Hey, you're the boss.
Come on, boy.
I'm going to put you
in here now.
You be good.
Hope we're doing the right thing.
He hates to be left alone.
Well, just quit worrying
about the darn dog
and help me go over the depth
charts for spring trials.
(QUINCY HOWLING)
(CRASHING)
What the hell is that?
He's crying out
for help, Hayden.
HAYDEN: Look at this room.
Hayden, he's not going
to do any more damage.
I've got him locked up
in the equipment room.
Just hand me the broom there,
I'll finish cleaning up.
You get rid of
the stupid dog.
He's not a stupid dog!
(DOOR CLOSING)
He's just insecure.
Oh, Dad!
What?
Jeez!
I'm sorry.
Well, couldn't you
have knocked first?
Well, I did knock.
Well, why didn't
you call first?
Well, are you all right?
No, I'm not
all right, Kelly.
I'm having a very
terrible day.
Luther's dumb dog's
destroyed the team room.
LUTHER: He's not a dumb dog!
He's just nervous.
Well, maybe this isn't
a good time.
No, no, no, you're here,
you obviously came to ask me something.
My head's finished
throbbing, go on.
I wanted to have a birthday
party for Stuart at your cabin.
Oh, there it goes again.
Come on, Dad.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
I'll do all the work.
Why can't you have it at Dauber's house?
That's where you guys live.
Well, so does
half the football team.
And all our friends are
in the drama department.
And we put the two together,
it's just not a good mix.
Come on, Dad,
how often do I ask you for stuff?
All the time.
It never stops, Kelly.
Well, then why are you acting
like this is such a big deal?
Please?
Do I have to be there?
Well, he is
your son-in-law.
There goes the
throbbing again.
All right, Kelly, if you want to have
Stuart's birthday party at my cabin,
and you wanna invite
all your little friends,
and you don't mind seeing
your dad's head blow off,
it's all right.
Oh, thanks!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come in.
Excuse me, sir,
do you have a minute?
For who?
For me.
Who are you?
Leonard Kraleman.
Listen, you're busy,
so I'll just go.
But, thanks again
for Friday night.
And if you want to ask Christine,
tell her we'd love to have her.
Oh, she's gonna be there,
because I'm not going to suffer through
Stuart's birthday party all by myself.
(SIGHS)
What can I do for you
there, Lenny?
I need some
advice, sir.
Why'd you come to me?
Because you're my
faculty advisor.
No, I'm not.
It says so right here
on my registration.
Well, I think somebody's
pulling your leg there, Lenbo.
I'm nobody's
faculty advisor.
I don't mean to be contrary, sir,
but the computer doesn't lie.
What the hell is this?
Since when do I have to be
somebody's faculty advisor?
Where the hell
is my contract?
Anyway,
here's my problem, sir.
I've been attending Minnesota
State for three years.
And although there are 26,000
undergraduate students,
I haven't made friends
with any of them.
Got it.
While my educational experience
here has been superlative,
I haven't formed any of those lasting
bonds that were promised me in the catalog.
"Definition of services." Yeah,
yeah, yeah... "Coaching...
"Additional Responsibilities."
"Employee also agrees to serve as
a faculty advisor during his term
"when deemed necessary
by the administration.”
Jeez, I should have read
that thing before I signed it.
God...
Sir, now that it's official,
what do you think I could do to fit in better?
Huh?
I'm a social outcast, sir.
I'm an island.
I'd like to be part
of the mainland.
I want
chums.
I don't think they make
chums anymore, Leonard.
I just want to be
a part of something.
If you want to be part
of something, join a club.
Is that what you
did as a student?
Well, I was in the best club of all.
I was a football player.
Huh.
Well, thank you, sir.
That's sound advice.
Well, good.
That's what
we're here for,
is sound advice
and football.
And thank you for taking
the time to talk to me.
I ain't never too busy to talk
to a member of the student body.
DAUBER: Before we
begin spring tryouts,
these forms need to be completed
and signed in their entirety,
including the medical
release portion
and the next of kin
information.
If these forms are
not fully completed,
you will not be eligible to
try out for the football team.
Any questions?
Do we have to fill out
the whole thing?
Good question.
Yes.
The form must be filled
out in its entirety,
otherwise you will not
be eligible to try out.
If there are no
further questions...
Please, give your attention to the head
coach of the Screaming Eagles, Hayden Fox.
(ALL WHOOPING)
All right, thank you for that
very enthusiastic response.
Let's hope you feel
like applauding after
a few days of pretty heavy
drills, because these fellas
are gonna put you through hell
for the next couple of days.
(QUINCY WHIMPERING)
It's okay, baby.
We're going to see if you have what it
takes to play Minnesota State football.
If you got the courage,
if you got the guts,
if you're willing
to hurt and be hurt.
Quite simply, guys,
we're like the Marines.
We're looking for
a few good men.
Excuse me.
Leonard, what are
you doing here?
I came to try out for
the football team, sir.
What do you mean?
I just want to be a part of
the best club in the school.
I want to be a
Screaming Eagle.
All right, Luth, Daub,
get these guys out in the field.
Leonard, hang back.
I want to talk to you for a minute.
All right, you guys,
let's go!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Leonard?
Leonard?
Leonard!
Leonard, I thought
I told you to hang back.
I tried, sir.
I just lost traction.
You can't be serious
about playing football.
You can't even hold
your ground in here.
You're going to get
killed out there.
I'll take my lumps like
the other chaps, sir.
I'm not afraid.
Look, afraid or not,
this is not a good idea.
You said I'm your
faculty advisor, right?
I'm advising you
not to do this.
Sir, are you against this because
you're concerned about my safety
or because you don't
think I have any talent?
If you had any talent,
I wouldn't care about your safety.
I'd just like to be given a
chance to show what I could do.
I think I may
surprise you.
(SIGHS)
Oh, all right, I can't keep
anybody from trying out.
Just
watch yourself
out there, all right?
Okay, Coach, sir.
Wait, wait, halt.
Before you go, here,
at least wear these.
Boy, that was ugly.
Yeah.
Man, I've seen players
get creamed before
but that Kraleman kid
really took a pasting.
He kept getting
back up, though.
He kept getting up slower,
but he kept getting back up.
Hey, Coach, I've got Leonard with me.
You wanna see him?
Yeah, send him in,
Daub.
All right, could you give me a
couple of minutes here, Luth?
Yeah. Quincy needs to take a walk anyway.
He's getting restless.
Heel, Quincy, heel.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Leonard, you wanna
sit down?
I'd just as soon stand, sir.
I've been down most of the afternoon.
Are you okay, son? I mean,
can I get a doctor to look at you or something?
I just think maybe I should have
stretched a little more before we started.
I'll be fine tomorrow.
Leonard, there isn't
going to be a tomorrow.
What do you mean?
I mean, I can't let you
go out there again.
If ll do, you could
get seriously hurt.
But I thought I was
making progress.
The last time I got hit,
my helmet stayed on.
Look, Leonard, you tried,
and that's the main thing.
There's a lot of guys that don't
have the guts to even do that.
Does this mean
you're cutting me?
Leonard, it's not personal.
I really like you.
You are a real spunky kid.
I wish I had 40 players with your spirit.
You've got the heart of an
all-American, you know that?
It's just that you've got
the body of a real spunky kid.
You're cutting me.
I have to.
But I don't think you realize
how much this means to me.
I have to be a part
of something.
I hate having
to do this, I mean...
You are a great kid.
You showed a lot of courage out there today.
I just wish you
were an athlete.
So do l.
I wish I were
anything besides me.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Hayden, thank God.
Where have you been?
Oh, man. Stuart's birthday
party, I completely forgot.
I didn't.
Hey, there you are.
Hey, happy birthday, Stu.
Well, thank you, sir.
(TEARING UP) And thank you
for the beautiful sweater.
This night is just
too good to be true.
I'm sorry I left you
stranded here, honey.
This is not one of those times when
I was being thoughtless, though.
I mean, today you were just the
furthest thing from my mind.
Oh, man, I didn't
mean it that...
Well, I've just
had a lousy day.
What happened?
I had to cut a kid
at spring tryouts,
and it really
got to me.
Oh.
Well, I know that's
always hard for you.
Well, this one was harder
than usual.
Christine, were you
popular in school?
Was I popular?
Yeah, I mean...
Did everybody like you?
Were you "in"?
Well, I don't know.
I had friends.
1 didn't think of
myself as popular.
I was voted
most popular.
But I'm sure that just came from
being voted Homecoming Queen.
You were
Homecoming Queen?
Well, I guess that makes
it sound like I was popular
but Homecoming Queen wasn't
that big a deal, really.
Why are you
asking me all this?
Because Leonard Kraleman
isn't popular.
Of course, when compared
to you, who is?
I take it Leonard Kraleman is
the kid you had to cut today.
Yeah.
He just wants to
fit in somewhere
and there doesn't seem
to be any place for him.
Do you know why?
I think it's because nobody
gives him a chance, honey.
I think people look at him and they see
the madras shorts and the geeky haircut,
that skinny body and that squeaky
little voice and they think he's a nerd.
I wish there was just
something I could do for him.
There's no way he
could be on the team?
Okay, if he can't
be a player,
maybe he could be the guy who hands
out towels or gets the team water.
No, honey, I already got
kids that do that.
Could he take care of the equipment?
He'll blow up footballs or something.
Christine,
Dauber does that.
Oh.
It's just that there's no place
for this kid near a football field.
He's got absolutely
no skills, no talents.
I mean, the kid is
just kind of a zero.
Hey, is there anything he
could do at your TV station?
DAUBER: Coach.
Huh?
Party's inside, Dauby.
I'm not here
for that party.
Uh, I found this stuck
on your office door.
I thought you might
want to see it.
You mind if I go in and grab
a root beer or something?
No, go ahead.
Oh, great.
What is it?
It's a withdrawal notice.
Leonard Kraleman's dropped out of school.
Oh, no.
Gosh, I wish he wasn't
taking it this hard.
I'm sorry, I'm gonna have
to abandon you again.
I got to go
talk to Leonard.
I understand.
If don't get back in time to
help you clean up, thanks.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOYS CHATTERING)
If you're out there with a water
balloon, you might as well just go away.
Leonard,
it's Coach Fox.
It is you.
Yeah,
can ll come in?
Sure.
Thanks.
Ha ha, you...
Darn.
Kids kind of
pick on you, huh?
That's one of the things I
won't miss about college life.
That's kind of why
I'm here, Leonard.
I got this notice that you
were dropping out of school.
Well, that true?
Yes.
Is it because you didn't
make the football team?
No, it's because I don't fit in here.
I don't fit in anywhere.
Oh, Leonard, come on,
there comes a time
in everybody's life
when they don't fit in.
I mean, there are times in my life
when [ feel like I don't fit in.
You?
Sure, yeah.
Well, I mean, I know everybody says
"Hey, Coach Fox, you've got a big job,
"you've got
a pretty girlfriend,
"you make lots of money,
"you wear great clothes,
"you're handsome."
Where was 1?
Telling me how sometimes
you don't fit in.
Yeah, because all that stuff
you see is just surface stuff,
but deep inside,
I think we're an awful lot alike.
You're a nerd, too?
No. No.
No, and neither
are you, Leonard.
Just because you're different
doesn't make you a nerd.
It means that you're unique and all you
got to do is just find your niche, son.
I already have, sir.
That's why I'm leaving school
to become a computer programmer.
It's a niche for one.
I figure I might as well start leading
the solitary life I was destined for.
(SIGHS)
You don't have to feel bad.
It's not your fault I don't have any friends.
Leonard, you've got friends.
I'm your friend.
Really? You want
to get a soda?
Someday.
You know, you're one of the few
people who's ever been nice to me.
I have nothing but respect for
you, Coach Fox.
And even though I'm gonna be
spending the rest of my life alone
in a windowless room,
I'll always be your biggest fan.
And next year when you
go to the Pineapple Bowl,
nobody will be cheering louder
than Leonard Pierre Kraleman.
The Pineapple Bowl?
Barring unforeseen
circumstances,
you'll be ten
and one next year.
Where the hell did you
come up with that?
On my computer, sir.
You can't predict a football
season on a computer.
I can.
You can?
It's just one of the dumb
things I do in my spare time.
And the computer told you we're
going to a bowl game next year?
It appears to be
statistically inevitable.
What else did
the computer tell you?
I don't know.
What do you want to know?
I don't know, punch something up.
Let's see what you've got.
Hello, Leonard,
what can I do for you?
I added a voice synthesizer to give
me the illusion of human contact.
What is all
this stuff?
Scouting reports,
player performance probability charts,
theoretical play analysis.
You know more about
my team than I do.
Well, I don't have your coaching
instinct or your motivational skills,
but I've got technical
mumbo-jumbo up the wazoo.
Hey,
I just had a crazy
idea, Leonard.
What if you stayed in school another
year and you came and worked for me?
Doing what?
Doing this stuff.
You know, you'd be like
my tactical consultant.
Yeah.
Me?
We'd go over the game
plans each week,
you could tell me the probability
of whether or not it would work,
and then you sit up in
the press box with Dauber
and you can feed information
down to me on the field.
I could sit in
the press box?
Yeah, you'd be like
our secret weapon.
Wow!
Could I have a shirt
with an "M" on it?
You got it, son.
Got a deal?
Give me that
withdrawal slip.
You've made me the happiest
person in the world.
Wait, wait...
Coaching staff's not
really into hugging, Lenny.
I'm sorry, sir.
Could I at least slap you on the butt?
How about just 3 handshake and
we'll work our way down, huh?
filmed before a studio audience.
Hayden, could I see
you for a minute?
You can see me all day,
you work here.
What's that stupid dog
doing down here?
He's not a stupid dog, Hayden.
Wish you'd quit saying that!
He's just a little
high-strung.
High-strung?
I've got a dead mouse on my porch
that's more high-strung than that dog.
You wouldn't say that
if you could see my apartment.
Every time I leave him
alone he goes nuts.
My landlady says if I don't do something
she's gonna make me get rid of him.
Hey, can I keep him here
until I figure out what to do?
All right, if you're gonna keep him down
here, keep him in the team room.
By himself?
He'll go crazy.
Well, what would "going crazy" be for this dog?
Wagging its tail?
Keep him in
the team room.
Hey, you're the boss.
Come on, boy.
I'm going to put you
in here now.
You be good.
Hope we're doing the right thing.
He hates to be left alone.
Well, just quit worrying
about the darn dog
and help me go over the depth
charts for spring trials.
(QUINCY HOWLING)
(CRASHING)
What the hell is that?
He's crying out
for help, Hayden.
HAYDEN: Look at this room.
Hayden, he's not going
to do any more damage.
I've got him locked up
in the equipment room.
Just hand me the broom there,
I'll finish cleaning up.
You get rid of
the stupid dog.
He's not a stupid dog!
(DOOR CLOSING)
He's just insecure.
Oh, Dad!
What?
Jeez!
I'm sorry.
Well, couldn't you
have knocked first?
Well, I did knock.
Well, why didn't
you call first?
Well, are you all right?
No, I'm not
all right, Kelly.
I'm having a very
terrible day.
Luther's dumb dog's
destroyed the team room.
LUTHER: He's not a dumb dog!
He's just nervous.
Well, maybe this isn't
a good time.
No, no, no, you're here,
you obviously came to ask me something.
My head's finished
throbbing, go on.
I wanted to have a birthday
party for Stuart at your cabin.
Oh, there it goes again.
Come on, Dad.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
I'll do all the work.
Why can't you have it at Dauber's house?
That's where you guys live.
Well, so does
half the football team.
And all our friends are
in the drama department.
And we put the two together,
it's just not a good mix.
Come on, Dad,
how often do I ask you for stuff?
All the time.
It never stops, Kelly.
Well, then why are you acting
like this is such a big deal?
Please?
Do I have to be there?
Well, he is
your son-in-law.
There goes the
throbbing again.
All right, Kelly, if you want to have
Stuart's birthday party at my cabin,
and you wanna invite
all your little friends,
and you don't mind seeing
your dad's head blow off,
it's all right.
Oh, thanks!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come in.
Excuse me, sir,
do you have a minute?
For who?
For me.
Who are you?
Leonard Kraleman.
Listen, you're busy,
so I'll just go.
But, thanks again
for Friday night.
And if you want to ask Christine,
tell her we'd love to have her.
Oh, she's gonna be there,
because I'm not going to suffer through
Stuart's birthday party all by myself.
(SIGHS)
What can I do for you
there, Lenny?
I need some
advice, sir.
Why'd you come to me?
Because you're my
faculty advisor.
No, I'm not.
It says so right here
on my registration.
Well, I think somebody's
pulling your leg there, Lenbo.
I'm nobody's
faculty advisor.
I don't mean to be contrary, sir,
but the computer doesn't lie.
What the hell is this?
Since when do I have to be
somebody's faculty advisor?
Where the hell
is my contract?
Anyway,
here's my problem, sir.
I've been attending Minnesota
State for three years.
And although there are 26,000
undergraduate students,
I haven't made friends
with any of them.
Got it.
While my educational experience
here has been superlative,
I haven't formed any of those lasting
bonds that were promised me in the catalog.
"Definition of services." Yeah,
yeah, yeah... "Coaching...
"Additional Responsibilities."
"Employee also agrees to serve as
a faculty advisor during his term
"when deemed necessary
by the administration.”
Jeez, I should have read
that thing before I signed it.
God...
Sir, now that it's official,
what do you think I could do to fit in better?
Huh?
I'm a social outcast, sir.
I'm an island.
I'd like to be part
of the mainland.
I want
chums.
I don't think they make
chums anymore, Leonard.
I just want to be
a part of something.
If you want to be part
of something, join a club.
Is that what you
did as a student?
Well, I was in the best club of all.
I was a football player.
Huh.
Well, thank you, sir.
That's sound advice.
Well, good.
That's what
we're here for,
is sound advice
and football.
And thank you for taking
the time to talk to me.
I ain't never too busy to talk
to a member of the student body.
DAUBER: Before we
begin spring tryouts,
these forms need to be completed
and signed in their entirety,
including the medical
release portion
and the next of kin
information.
If these forms are
not fully completed,
you will not be eligible to
try out for the football team.
Any questions?
Do we have to fill out
the whole thing?
Good question.
Yes.
The form must be filled
out in its entirety,
otherwise you will not
be eligible to try out.
If there are no
further questions...
Please, give your attention to the head
coach of the Screaming Eagles, Hayden Fox.
(ALL WHOOPING)
All right, thank you for that
very enthusiastic response.
Let's hope you feel
like applauding after
a few days of pretty heavy
drills, because these fellas
are gonna put you through hell
for the next couple of days.
(QUINCY WHIMPERING)
It's okay, baby.
We're going to see if you have what it
takes to play Minnesota State football.
If you got the courage,
if you got the guts,
if you're willing
to hurt and be hurt.
Quite simply, guys,
we're like the Marines.
We're looking for
a few good men.
Excuse me.
Leonard, what are
you doing here?
I came to try out for
the football team, sir.
What do you mean?
I just want to be a part of
the best club in the school.
I want to be a
Screaming Eagle.
All right, Luth, Daub,
get these guys out in the field.
Leonard, hang back.
I want to talk to you for a minute.
All right, you guys,
let's go!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Leonard?
Leonard?
Leonard!
Leonard, I thought
I told you to hang back.
I tried, sir.
I just lost traction.
You can't be serious
about playing football.
You can't even hold
your ground in here.
You're going to get
killed out there.
I'll take my lumps like
the other chaps, sir.
I'm not afraid.
Look, afraid or not,
this is not a good idea.
You said I'm your
faculty advisor, right?
I'm advising you
not to do this.
Sir, are you against this because
you're concerned about my safety
or because you don't
think I have any talent?
If you had any talent,
I wouldn't care about your safety.
I'd just like to be given a
chance to show what I could do.
I think I may
surprise you.
(SIGHS)
Oh, all right, I can't keep
anybody from trying out.
Just
watch yourself
out there, all right?
Okay, Coach, sir.
Wait, wait, halt.
Before you go, here,
at least wear these.
Boy, that was ugly.
Yeah.
Man, I've seen players
get creamed before
but that Kraleman kid
really took a pasting.
He kept getting
back up, though.
He kept getting up slower,
but he kept getting back up.
Hey, Coach, I've got Leonard with me.
You wanna see him?
Yeah, send him in,
Daub.
All right, could you give me a
couple of minutes here, Luth?
Yeah. Quincy needs to take a walk anyway.
He's getting restless.
Heel, Quincy, heel.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Leonard, you wanna
sit down?
I'd just as soon stand, sir.
I've been down most of the afternoon.
Are you okay, son? I mean,
can I get a doctor to look at you or something?
I just think maybe I should have
stretched a little more before we started.
I'll be fine tomorrow.
Leonard, there isn't
going to be a tomorrow.
What do you mean?
I mean, I can't let you
go out there again.
If ll do, you could
get seriously hurt.
But I thought I was
making progress.
The last time I got hit,
my helmet stayed on.
Look, Leonard, you tried,
and that's the main thing.
There's a lot of guys that don't
have the guts to even do that.
Does this mean
you're cutting me?
Leonard, it's not personal.
I really like you.
You are a real spunky kid.
I wish I had 40 players with your spirit.
You've got the heart of an
all-American, you know that?
It's just that you've got
the body of a real spunky kid.
You're cutting me.
I have to.
But I don't think you realize
how much this means to me.
I have to be a part
of something.
I hate having
to do this, I mean...
You are a great kid.
You showed a lot of courage out there today.
I just wish you
were an athlete.
So do l.
I wish I were
anything besides me.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Hayden, thank God.
Where have you been?
Oh, man. Stuart's birthday
party, I completely forgot.
I didn't.
Hey, there you are.
Hey, happy birthday, Stu.
Well, thank you, sir.
(TEARING UP) And thank you
for the beautiful sweater.
This night is just
too good to be true.
I'm sorry I left you
stranded here, honey.
This is not one of those times when
I was being thoughtless, though.
I mean, today you were just the
furthest thing from my mind.
Oh, man, I didn't
mean it that...
Well, I've just
had a lousy day.
What happened?
I had to cut a kid
at spring tryouts,
and it really
got to me.
Oh.
Well, I know that's
always hard for you.
Well, this one was harder
than usual.
Christine, were you
popular in school?
Was I popular?
Yeah, I mean...
Did everybody like you?
Were you "in"?
Well, I don't know.
I had friends.
1 didn't think of
myself as popular.
I was voted
most popular.
But I'm sure that just came from
being voted Homecoming Queen.
You were
Homecoming Queen?
Well, I guess that makes
it sound like I was popular
but Homecoming Queen wasn't
that big a deal, really.
Why are you
asking me all this?
Because Leonard Kraleman
isn't popular.
Of course, when compared
to you, who is?
I take it Leonard Kraleman is
the kid you had to cut today.
Yeah.
He just wants to
fit in somewhere
and there doesn't seem
to be any place for him.
Do you know why?
I think it's because nobody
gives him a chance, honey.
I think people look at him and they see
the madras shorts and the geeky haircut,
that skinny body and that squeaky
little voice and they think he's a nerd.
I wish there was just
something I could do for him.
There's no way he
could be on the team?
Okay, if he can't
be a player,
maybe he could be the guy who hands
out towels or gets the team water.
No, honey, I already got
kids that do that.
Could he take care of the equipment?
He'll blow up footballs or something.
Christine,
Dauber does that.
Oh.
It's just that there's no place
for this kid near a football field.
He's got absolutely
no skills, no talents.
I mean, the kid is
just kind of a zero.
Hey, is there anything he
could do at your TV station?
DAUBER: Coach.
Huh?
Party's inside, Dauby.
I'm not here
for that party.
Uh, I found this stuck
on your office door.
I thought you might
want to see it.
You mind if I go in and grab
a root beer or something?
No, go ahead.
Oh, great.
What is it?
It's a withdrawal notice.
Leonard Kraleman's dropped out of school.
Oh, no.
Gosh, I wish he wasn't
taking it this hard.
I'm sorry, I'm gonna have
to abandon you again.
I got to go
talk to Leonard.
I understand.
If don't get back in time to
help you clean up, thanks.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOYS CHATTERING)
If you're out there with a water
balloon, you might as well just go away.
Leonard,
it's Coach Fox.
It is you.
Yeah,
can ll come in?
Sure.
Thanks.
Ha ha, you...
Darn.
Kids kind of
pick on you, huh?
That's one of the things I
won't miss about college life.
That's kind of why
I'm here, Leonard.
I got this notice that you
were dropping out of school.
Well, that true?
Yes.
Is it because you didn't
make the football team?
No, it's because I don't fit in here.
I don't fit in anywhere.
Oh, Leonard, come on,
there comes a time
in everybody's life
when they don't fit in.
I mean, there are times in my life
when [ feel like I don't fit in.
You?
Sure, yeah.
Well, I mean, I know everybody says
"Hey, Coach Fox, you've got a big job,
"you've got
a pretty girlfriend,
"you make lots of money,
"you wear great clothes,
"you're handsome."
Where was 1?
Telling me how sometimes
you don't fit in.
Yeah, because all that stuff
you see is just surface stuff,
but deep inside,
I think we're an awful lot alike.
You're a nerd, too?
No. No.
No, and neither
are you, Leonard.
Just because you're different
doesn't make you a nerd.
It means that you're unique and all you
got to do is just find your niche, son.
I already have, sir.
That's why I'm leaving school
to become a computer programmer.
It's a niche for one.
I figure I might as well start leading
the solitary life I was destined for.
(SIGHS)
You don't have to feel bad.
It's not your fault I don't have any friends.
Leonard, you've got friends.
I'm your friend.
Really? You want
to get a soda?
Someday.
You know, you're one of the few
people who's ever been nice to me.
I have nothing but respect for
you, Coach Fox.
And even though I'm gonna be
spending the rest of my life alone
in a windowless room,
I'll always be your biggest fan.
And next year when you
go to the Pineapple Bowl,
nobody will be cheering louder
than Leonard Pierre Kraleman.
The Pineapple Bowl?
Barring unforeseen
circumstances,
you'll be ten
and one next year.
Where the hell did you
come up with that?
On my computer, sir.
You can't predict a football
season on a computer.
I can.
You can?
It's just one of the dumb
things I do in my spare time.
And the computer told you we're
going to a bowl game next year?
It appears to be
statistically inevitable.
What else did
the computer tell you?
I don't know.
What do you want to know?
I don't know, punch something up.
Let's see what you've got.
Hello, Leonard,
what can I do for you?
I added a voice synthesizer to give
me the illusion of human contact.
What is all
this stuff?
Scouting reports,
player performance probability charts,
theoretical play analysis.
You know more about
my team than I do.
Well, I don't have your coaching
instinct or your motivational skills,
but I've got technical
mumbo-jumbo up the wazoo.
Hey,
I just had a crazy
idea, Leonard.
What if you stayed in school another
year and you came and worked for me?
Doing what?
Doing this stuff.
You know, you'd be like
my tactical consultant.
Yeah.
Me?
We'd go over the game
plans each week,
you could tell me the probability
of whether or not it would work,
and then you sit up in
the press box with Dauber
and you can feed information
down to me on the field.
I could sit in
the press box?
Yeah, you'd be like
our secret weapon.
Wow!
Could I have a shirt
with an "M" on it?
You got it, son.
Got a deal?
Give me that
withdrawal slip.
You've made me the happiest
person in the world.
Wait, wait...
Coaching staff's not
really into hugging, Lenny.
I'm sorry, sir.
Could I at least slap you on the butt?
How about just 3 handshake and
we'll work our way down, huh?