Coach (1989–1997): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Marion Kind: Part 1 - full transcript
Luther is persuaded by Christine to have lunch and reconcile with the best friend who stole his girl many years ago.
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
Dauber,
we need to talk.
I know. I've kind of been
expecting you guys.
You know, I'm really sorry
about what happened last night.
You know,
with football season being over,
the guys have a lot of pent up
energy and no place to put it.
That doesn't give them
the right to hang my husband
out a three story
window by his feet.
I can't argue with that.
I wouldn't mind
so much,
except it's really
interfering with my studies.
Well, if you want me
to talk to them, I will.
We think instead of talking,
it's time to take some action.
We want you
to pump Stuart up.
Sure.
Stuart, you are a very
talented young man,
with a bright future ahead of you.
Dauber.
I meant, pump him up physically.
Oh.
You mean
like body building?
Yeah. See, we thought that if
Stuart were in better shape,
the guys would be
less likely to pick on him.
Or at
the very least,
I'd be able to hang on
longer until help arrived.
So, what do you think?
Can you put him
on a weight training program?
Sure. We can start right now.
Great.
Okay.
The key to body building
is to tailor the program
to the individual.
Let's begin
with a weigh-in.
Let's begin
with a sandwich.
Here you go.
Oh, boy, my favorite meal.
Meat and potatoes
and no vegetables.
Well, I also made a little
zucchini for myself,
but you don't
have to see it.
(CRASHING)
What was that? I don't know.
It's probably a damn raccoon.
Hayden, be careful.
What if it's a prowler?
Christine, I've lived
in the woods half my life.
I'm not afraid
of some prowler.
Anybody out there?
I didn't see anybody.
What the hell are you doing
here, Luther?
I'm sorry to barge in like this,
but I got
a big problem.
Am I interrupting anything?
Yeah, you know, Saturday night.
What's the problem,
Luther?
Peter Plunkett
just called me.
He's flying into Minnesota
and he wants to see me.
I don't know what to do,
I can't see him.
Luth, did you notice that we're
just sitting down to dinner here?
Yeah, thanks anyway. I couldn't eat a bit.
I'm real nervous.
Who's Peter Plunkett?
An old friend of Luther's.
Don't get him
started on that.
He's not just
an old friend.
He's just about the best friend
l ever had in the whole world.
Oh, see? Now
you got him started.
When I was growing up,
we were like brothers.
Then why don't you want to see him?
'Cause I hate him.
Luther, if you don't want
to see him, don't see him.
I have to,
I already told him I would.
Then see him.
What's the big deal?
The big deal is, you know he's
going to have Laraine with him.
Who's Laraine?
It's Peter's wife.
Believe me,
you don't want to go down this road.
Why don't you want to see her?
Because I love her.
Well, down the road we go.
Call me when the meat
gets really cold.
She was my girlfriend
in high school.
Not just
a girlfriend,
she was a goddess.
The Goddess
of Danville, Illinois.
I asked her
to marry me.
And that would have made
Luther the God of Danville,
except he got drafted and had
to go to Japan in the Army.
I wasn't drafted
in the Japanese Army.
I was drafted
in the American Army,
but they sent me to Japan.
At any rate,
the American GI, Luther,
returned to Danville
and found out that
Peter, his best friend,
had married Laraine, his best girl.
Oh, Luther,
you must have been devastated.
Devastated?
I was prostate.
That was
37 years ago.
BOTH: And I vowed that I'd never
speak to either one of them again
for as long
as I lived.
Hayden's heard
this story before.
Luther, if Peter
and Laraine
want to see you
after 37 years,
maybe they
want to make up.
Oh, sure that would
be just great.
They're gonna walk
in here together
and see
I never got married
and I'm going to
look like a real loser.
Would it make it easier for you
if Hayden and I were with you?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
What are we doing there?
Well, we'd be giving Luther moral support.
Yeah, well,
what the hell is this?
I don't see
what it would hurt
to have a small dinner party
at my apartment.
Well, wait a minute, hold it...
Now that'd be...
(SHUSHES)
Now it's
a dinner party?
Hey, would it be okay
if Marion comes?
Oh, now he's asking Marion.
I mean, why stop at Marion?
Why don't you ask everybody who
lives in your apartment building?
Everybody can bring 3 side
dish and we'll roast a pig.
Luther, I think asking
Marion would be fine.
Well, we have been seeing each
other kind of, off and on.
Oh, you have not.
You dated once and that was a year ago.
Well, I wanted to
give her some space.
But we have been
seeing each other
on a somewhat steady basis.
And you know,
we get along well together
and she's easy to talk to.
Would you
ask her for me?
Yes, Luther,
I will ask her.
Okay,
then it's all set.
You'll ask Marion,
and we'll all get
together tomorrow night.
You know,
when I came over here,
I didn't know how things
were going to turn out.
But I knew you two would
help me figure out something.
I mean, it's really great
knowing I have friends like you
I can count on.
And I
appreciate it.
I'll reheat
your dinner.
Yeah, while you're at it,
why don't you throw some zucchini on the plate?
The weekend's
shot to hell anyway.
Hayden, it's 7:00,
you'd better put your jacket on.
Why?
Is that a law?
At 7:00, everybody's got
to have their jackets on?
Hey, everybody,
it's 7:00!
Better get
those jackets on.
You heard Christine!
I meant, it's 7:00,
they'll be here any minute.
You're really not gonna make
tonight any easier, are you?
I just don't know why we have to keep
meddling in other people's lives.
I mean, especially Luther's
life, which is like a swamp.
Once you get in there,
you can never find your way back out again.
We're trying
to be helpful.
Oh, baloney,
Christine.
I know you and I know that you've
got some drippy, romantic notion
that Luther's best friend is gonna
walk through that door tonight,
he and Luther are going to
take one look at each other
and both of them
are gonna start crying,
then you all
are gonna start crying
and the whole evening is gonna turn into one
big, mushy, romantic mess.
What's really
gonna happen is
Luther's friend is gonna
walk through that door,
they're gonna realize that
they have nothing in common.
They're going to sit around
for 5 hours being bored
with nothing to do but,
I don't know,
pick at a
stinking plate
of poached salmon
or something.
(SNIFFING)
You crying?
Oh, look, I know your
heart's in the right place.
Honey,
I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm not good
at this kind of stuff,
that's all.
I mean...
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll go through
with it, okay?
I'll be charming and
polite to everybody.
Huh?
Am I forgiven?
Okay?
Did I do something else wrong?
You made poached
salmon, didn't you?
Oh, great.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Are my
eyes puffy?
They're not
too bad.
Hi, Christine. Hi, Luther.
Come on in.
Your eyes are all red.
Have you got a cold?
No, I think I'm allergic
to something in this room.
Hey, Hayden.
Hey, Luth.
Are Peter and
Laraine here yet?
Do you see them?
No.
Is Marion here?
Where would I have these people, Luther?
In the closet?
I'm sorry, I'm just
a little nervous.
Here, Christine.
This is for you. Oh.
Oh, look,
ajar of pickled eggs. Yeah.
I made them myself.
A couple of those at night
with a stein of beer
is really great when
you're watching Jeopardy!
Well, I'll have to try
one of these
when I come home
from work tomorrow night.
If you'll excuse me,
I'll just go put these someplace.
Jeez, Hayden.
I don't know about this night.
Oh, great. Well, I'm glad you're
having second thoughts about it
now that we went and set
this whole stupid thing up.
I just don't know
whether I can forgive
Peter and Laraine
for what they did.
Come on, it was 37 years ago.
Yeah, I know.
Last time I saw
Laraine, she was 21.
I wonder how old she is now.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Oh, God.
There they are.
CHRISTINE:
Oh, Luther, relax.
How do I look?
Oh.
I don't want Laraine
to think I've gotten old.
You can't tell I got bad
knees, can you? Oh.
You look just fine.
Hey, Christine.
Open up the damn
door, would you?
Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just got this thing
for the trip,
and I wanted to see
if it would work.
I'm Peter Plunkett.
Oh.
Hi. I'm
Christine Armstrong.
Very nice to meet you.
Oh, thank you.
And here's a very nice picture
of you opening your door.
Thank you.
Please come on in.
Here is Hayden Fox.
Pleased
to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Read a lot about you
in the sports magazines.
Not all bad, I hope.
No. Not all of it.
And here, of course, is Luther.
My God,
Luther.
37 years.
It seems like
only yesterday
we were cruising around
Danville, Illinois,
in my dad's Nash.
You're gray!
Well, Luther,
it has been 37 years.
You haven't
changed a bit.
Boy,
you have.
Well, shall we all
sit down?
Hmm. Shall I
get the jar of eggs?
No. Just sit.
Will anybody mind
if ll smoke?
You smoke?
Well, only when I'm nervous.
And I have to admit,
I'm a little nervous right now.
Well, I'll get you an ashtray.
Thank you.
So, how come
Laraine's not with you?
Oh, my gosh, that's right.
You don't know, do you?
Know what?
Laraine passed away
three years ago.
Oh, no, Peter, we're so sorry.
She's dead?
That's partly why
I'm here, actually.
I'm just now
starting to recover.
Laraine's dead?
I'm on my way to Europe
to try to find myself again.
And take some pictures.
But I wanted to find
my best friend first.
Jeez, I can't believe
Laraine's dead.
Oh, for God's sakes, Luther,
show a little sensitivity.
The man's wife
has passed away.
Quit beating a dead horse.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
That must be Marion.
She's the girl that lives
across the hall.
Christine got me a date with her 'cause
we thought Laraine was still alive.
Hi.
Come on in, Marion.
Hello, Hayden.
Hey, yeah, what do you say there, Marion?
How you doing?
There you are, Luther.
Long time no see.
I'm sorry, Marion,
I feel like we dragged you all
the way over here for nothing now.
What?
Never mind.
Marion, I'd like you to meet Luther's
friend, Peter Plunkett.
Peter, this is my very dear
friend, Marion Williamson.
Hello, Peter,
nice to meet you.
Well, a howdy-do
to you, too!
This your date?
You always did pick
the prettiest girls.
Thank you.
If I'd have known
you were in Minneapolis,
I'd have been here
a lot sooner.
Oh, God.
PETER: Marion is one
of my favorite names.
I have an aunt named Marion.
Oh, you do not!
I do, too!
Oh, yeah, who?
Uncle Mike's wife.
Oh, yeah, Marion.
Shall we all sit down?
I'll get everybody drinks.
Yeah, I'll just have a glass
of the stuff the eggs are in.
Peter, is your wife with you?
She's dead.
Oh!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
When did it happen?
About three years ago.
I lost my husband
about two years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Well, you try to
get on with your life,
but it's hard.
You feel so lost.
Like suddenly
you're a child again.
What a perfect way
to put that.
(GRUNTING)
Well, he's doing it again.
What?
He's stealing my girl.
What are you talking about?
Look at him, he's flirting with her,
trying to sweep her off her feet.
He's talking
about his dead wife.
Yeah, and it's
working, isn't it?
I'm telling you,
he's trying to steal my girl.
Luther, you've got
nothing to worry about.
The man said he's
going to Europe tomorrow
and there's no way he's gonna
steal your girl tonight.
(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
I haven't danced like that since high school.
You are wonderful!
Oh, shucks!
Just your average
living room Fred Astaire.
Okay, it's my turn.
What?
Hey, Luth, this isn't
a dance contest.
How come he gets to dance
with Marion, and I don't?
Come on, Marion, he's not the only
one in the room who can dance.
(MARION LAUGHING)
Let's jitterbug, let's jitterbug.
Okay.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, jeez!
Oh, jeez!
Luther, are you all right?
No! I'm not all right!
I hit my shin
on the coffee table!
Hey, let me
look at that shin.
Oh, you leave my shin alone!
Oh, don't be a baby!
Let me look at that...
(YELLING)
You did that on purpose!
No, I swear, it was an accident.
Oh, my God!
Both of you, knock it off!
Knock it off! Come on, break it up!
Break it up! Let go of him!
Let go of him!
You let go of me!
You let go of him first!
You let go of me first!
Let go of him!
Come on, you guys! Break it...
What the hell is...
What the hell
is the matter with you two?
Nothing's the matter with me.
He attacked me!
You know what you did!
What did I do?
You know what you did!
And you know
I know you were doing it!
What are you talking about?
You know what
I'm talking about!
And I'm not going to
stand for it anymore.
I'm going to fight back.
Where are you going?
This man
leaves me no choice.
I'm going to get my banjo.
What?
Oh, like I'm supposed to know
what the hell he's talking about?
(HUMMING)
HAYDEN:
Luther.
Luther, Luther, Luther!
No one wants to hear
you play the banjo.
You know, I've heard that all of
my life and I don't believe it.
Everybody loves the banjo.
Now sit down and shut up.
I'm going to play for Marion.
Luther,
that really isn't necessary.
Oh, yeah, it is, Marion.
If I don't tune it, it don't sound good.
Yeah, this is for you.
(SINGING OUT OF TUNE)
Well, five...
Five foot two
Eyes are blue
All that those five...
Can anybody...
Yeah!
Won't you come
home, though, baby?
Remember that?
Won't you come home?
I'm on the high...
I'll walk
the whole day long
I'll do the cooking
Up a lazy river
by the old mill run
The lazy, lazy river
in the noonday sun
Linger in the shade
of a kind old tree
Everybody!
Stop! No more!
No more!
No more! No more! No more banjo!
No more, that's it.
What do you mean, no more?
You've been
playing for an hour.
I only played two songs!
Yeah, but you've been
playing them for an hour!
That's it!
The evening's over.
Oh, Hayden... No, I mean it, Christine.
No more damn banjo!
Actually, it is
getting rather late.
Not that I haven't enjoyed it!
But I probably
should be going.
I probably
should be going, too.
I mean,
I've got an early flight
and I've got some things
soaking in the sink.
That's it?
Everybody's leaving?
Yeah, funny how a banjo
does that to a room.
Christine, thank you
for having me.
Oh, sure, Marion.
Luther, I enjoyed seeing you again.
It's been too long.
Really?
What do you mean by that?
Can I call you?
Well, sure.
Why don't you do that?
Peter,
it was very nice meeting you.
It was very nice
meeting you, too.
Good luck on
the rest of your life.
Thank you.
Night, Hayden.
What? Oh, yeah, night.
I'm really sorry
about all this.
Well, I'm sure
it will work out fine.
Well, I'm right across the
hall just in case you need me.
Okay. Thanks.
Night, sweetie.
I don't know about everybody else,
but I had a terrible time tonight.
I can only speak for
myself, but it was...
Luther, before I go,
I'd just like to say, I'm sorry.
Yeah. Sorry for what?
Trying to steal my girl?
I didn't try
to steal your girl.
Are you trying to tell me
you weren't flirting with her?
Okay, I was flirting,
but I didn't mean anything by that.
I would never try
to steal your girl.
Okay, I did once,
but I'd never do that again.
The person I really came here
tonight to see was you.
I mean, I flew all the way to
Minnesota just to talk to you.
And now the evening's
almost gone
and I never got to say
what I wanted to say.
What did you want to say?
Hayden, would you give me
some help in the kitchen?
Christine, if you want me
out of the room, just say so.
I actually want
some help in the kitchen.
Oh.
What I wanted
to say is that
I believe in new beginnings.
After Laraine died,
I had to.
Now, I know we got off
on the wrong foot tonight
and then
there was that fist fight,
but if it's possible
after 37 years, Luther,
I'd like to have
my best friend back.
What do you say?
Come on, buzzhead!
You know me,
I never can stay mad.
(EXCLAIMING)
You know, I always
hated it when you did that.
That's why I did it.
Hey!
Hey! Don't put that
back in my pack!
Hey, why don't I walk
down to the car with you?
That way we'd have
a few more minutes together.
Yeah. Well, I have a lot
of trouble starting my car,
we might end up
having breakfast together.
Okay, let's go then.
You beat me!
Christine? Hayden?
I'd like to thank
both of you for tonight.
You've helped two old
friends get back together.
You two guys okay?
Yeah, we're great, Hayden.
I love this guy.
Thanks for everything.
Hey, don't mention it.
I say, if we can help
two guys out and it only
spoils one night for me,
I say go for it!
Well, he just
can't stop giving.
Well, good morning
to you, too.
That wasn't a good morning kiss.
That was for last night.
Oh! Oh!
I got to thinking about it,
and what you did last night for
those two guys was really great!
I never kind of...
I don't think these kind of things
are gonna work out. I mean maybe
my whole philosophy
of life is wrong.
Maybe human nature isn't the
dung heap that I think it is.
Well, I'd like to think that.
You got time to stay for
breakfast before you head back?
Sure.
Luther can hold down
the fort till I get there.
Okay, I'll get
the coffee started.
I'll get the paper.
Okay.
So, anything new in the world?
Yeah, this just in,
Peter Plunkett
sleeps with Marion,
Luther Van Dam
jumps off bridge.
What?
Yeah.
Peter. Marion's apartment.
No pants!
filmed before a studio audience.
Dauber,
we need to talk.
I know. I've kind of been
expecting you guys.
You know, I'm really sorry
about what happened last night.
You know,
with football season being over,
the guys have a lot of pent up
energy and no place to put it.
That doesn't give them
the right to hang my husband
out a three story
window by his feet.
I can't argue with that.
I wouldn't mind
so much,
except it's really
interfering with my studies.
Well, if you want me
to talk to them, I will.
We think instead of talking,
it's time to take some action.
We want you
to pump Stuart up.
Sure.
Stuart, you are a very
talented young man,
with a bright future ahead of you.
Dauber.
I meant, pump him up physically.
Oh.
You mean
like body building?
Yeah. See, we thought that if
Stuart were in better shape,
the guys would be
less likely to pick on him.
Or at
the very least,
I'd be able to hang on
longer until help arrived.
So, what do you think?
Can you put him
on a weight training program?
Sure. We can start right now.
Great.
Okay.
The key to body building
is to tailor the program
to the individual.
Let's begin
with a weigh-in.
Let's begin
with a sandwich.
Here you go.
Oh, boy, my favorite meal.
Meat and potatoes
and no vegetables.
Well, I also made a little
zucchini for myself,
but you don't
have to see it.
(CRASHING)
What was that? I don't know.
It's probably a damn raccoon.
Hayden, be careful.
What if it's a prowler?
Christine, I've lived
in the woods half my life.
I'm not afraid
of some prowler.
Anybody out there?
I didn't see anybody.
What the hell are you doing
here, Luther?
I'm sorry to barge in like this,
but I got
a big problem.
Am I interrupting anything?
Yeah, you know, Saturday night.
What's the problem,
Luther?
Peter Plunkett
just called me.
He's flying into Minnesota
and he wants to see me.
I don't know what to do,
I can't see him.
Luth, did you notice that we're
just sitting down to dinner here?
Yeah, thanks anyway. I couldn't eat a bit.
I'm real nervous.
Who's Peter Plunkett?
An old friend of Luther's.
Don't get him
started on that.
He's not just
an old friend.
He's just about the best friend
l ever had in the whole world.
Oh, see? Now
you got him started.
When I was growing up,
we were like brothers.
Then why don't you want to see him?
'Cause I hate him.
Luther, if you don't want
to see him, don't see him.
I have to,
I already told him I would.
Then see him.
What's the big deal?
The big deal is, you know he's
going to have Laraine with him.
Who's Laraine?
It's Peter's wife.
Believe me,
you don't want to go down this road.
Why don't you want to see her?
Because I love her.
Well, down the road we go.
Call me when the meat
gets really cold.
She was my girlfriend
in high school.
Not just
a girlfriend,
she was a goddess.
The Goddess
of Danville, Illinois.
I asked her
to marry me.
And that would have made
Luther the God of Danville,
except he got drafted and had
to go to Japan in the Army.
I wasn't drafted
in the Japanese Army.
I was drafted
in the American Army,
but they sent me to Japan.
At any rate,
the American GI, Luther,
returned to Danville
and found out that
Peter, his best friend,
had married Laraine, his best girl.
Oh, Luther,
you must have been devastated.
Devastated?
I was prostate.
That was
37 years ago.
BOTH: And I vowed that I'd never
speak to either one of them again
for as long
as I lived.
Hayden's heard
this story before.
Luther, if Peter
and Laraine
want to see you
after 37 years,
maybe they
want to make up.
Oh, sure that would
be just great.
They're gonna walk
in here together
and see
I never got married
and I'm going to
look like a real loser.
Would it make it easier for you
if Hayden and I were with you?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
What are we doing there?
Well, we'd be giving Luther moral support.
Yeah, well,
what the hell is this?
I don't see
what it would hurt
to have a small dinner party
at my apartment.
Well, wait a minute, hold it...
Now that'd be...
(SHUSHES)
Now it's
a dinner party?
Hey, would it be okay
if Marion comes?
Oh, now he's asking Marion.
I mean, why stop at Marion?
Why don't you ask everybody who
lives in your apartment building?
Everybody can bring 3 side
dish and we'll roast a pig.
Luther, I think asking
Marion would be fine.
Well, we have been seeing each
other kind of, off and on.
Oh, you have not.
You dated once and that was a year ago.
Well, I wanted to
give her some space.
But we have been
seeing each other
on a somewhat steady basis.
And you know,
we get along well together
and she's easy to talk to.
Would you
ask her for me?
Yes, Luther,
I will ask her.
Okay,
then it's all set.
You'll ask Marion,
and we'll all get
together tomorrow night.
You know,
when I came over here,
I didn't know how things
were going to turn out.
But I knew you two would
help me figure out something.
I mean, it's really great
knowing I have friends like you
I can count on.
And I
appreciate it.
I'll reheat
your dinner.
Yeah, while you're at it,
why don't you throw some zucchini on the plate?
The weekend's
shot to hell anyway.
Hayden, it's 7:00,
you'd better put your jacket on.
Why?
Is that a law?
At 7:00, everybody's got
to have their jackets on?
Hey, everybody,
it's 7:00!
Better get
those jackets on.
You heard Christine!
I meant, it's 7:00,
they'll be here any minute.
You're really not gonna make
tonight any easier, are you?
I just don't know why we have to keep
meddling in other people's lives.
I mean, especially Luther's
life, which is like a swamp.
Once you get in there,
you can never find your way back out again.
We're trying
to be helpful.
Oh, baloney,
Christine.
I know you and I know that you've
got some drippy, romantic notion
that Luther's best friend is gonna
walk through that door tonight,
he and Luther are going to
take one look at each other
and both of them
are gonna start crying,
then you all
are gonna start crying
and the whole evening is gonna turn into one
big, mushy, romantic mess.
What's really
gonna happen is
Luther's friend is gonna
walk through that door,
they're gonna realize that
they have nothing in common.
They're going to sit around
for 5 hours being bored
with nothing to do but,
I don't know,
pick at a
stinking plate
of poached salmon
or something.
(SNIFFING)
You crying?
Oh, look, I know your
heart's in the right place.
Honey,
I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm not good
at this kind of stuff,
that's all.
I mean...
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll go through
with it, okay?
I'll be charming and
polite to everybody.
Huh?
Am I forgiven?
Okay?
Did I do something else wrong?
You made poached
salmon, didn't you?
Oh, great.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Are my
eyes puffy?
They're not
too bad.
Hi, Christine. Hi, Luther.
Come on in.
Your eyes are all red.
Have you got a cold?
No, I think I'm allergic
to something in this room.
Hey, Hayden.
Hey, Luth.
Are Peter and
Laraine here yet?
Do you see them?
No.
Is Marion here?
Where would I have these people, Luther?
In the closet?
I'm sorry, I'm just
a little nervous.
Here, Christine.
This is for you. Oh.
Oh, look,
ajar of pickled eggs. Yeah.
I made them myself.
A couple of those at night
with a stein of beer
is really great when
you're watching Jeopardy!
Well, I'll have to try
one of these
when I come home
from work tomorrow night.
If you'll excuse me,
I'll just go put these someplace.
Jeez, Hayden.
I don't know about this night.
Oh, great. Well, I'm glad you're
having second thoughts about it
now that we went and set
this whole stupid thing up.
I just don't know
whether I can forgive
Peter and Laraine
for what they did.
Come on, it was 37 years ago.
Yeah, I know.
Last time I saw
Laraine, she was 21.
I wonder how old she is now.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Oh, God.
There they are.
CHRISTINE:
Oh, Luther, relax.
How do I look?
Oh.
I don't want Laraine
to think I've gotten old.
You can't tell I got bad
knees, can you? Oh.
You look just fine.
Hey, Christine.
Open up the damn
door, would you?
Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just got this thing
for the trip,
and I wanted to see
if it would work.
I'm Peter Plunkett.
Oh.
Hi. I'm
Christine Armstrong.
Very nice to meet you.
Oh, thank you.
And here's a very nice picture
of you opening your door.
Thank you.
Please come on in.
Here is Hayden Fox.
Pleased
to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Read a lot about you
in the sports magazines.
Not all bad, I hope.
No. Not all of it.
And here, of course, is Luther.
My God,
Luther.
37 years.
It seems like
only yesterday
we were cruising around
Danville, Illinois,
in my dad's Nash.
You're gray!
Well, Luther,
it has been 37 years.
You haven't
changed a bit.
Boy,
you have.
Well, shall we all
sit down?
Hmm. Shall I
get the jar of eggs?
No. Just sit.
Will anybody mind
if ll smoke?
You smoke?
Well, only when I'm nervous.
And I have to admit,
I'm a little nervous right now.
Well, I'll get you an ashtray.
Thank you.
So, how come
Laraine's not with you?
Oh, my gosh, that's right.
You don't know, do you?
Know what?
Laraine passed away
three years ago.
Oh, no, Peter, we're so sorry.
She's dead?
That's partly why
I'm here, actually.
I'm just now
starting to recover.
Laraine's dead?
I'm on my way to Europe
to try to find myself again.
And take some pictures.
But I wanted to find
my best friend first.
Jeez, I can't believe
Laraine's dead.
Oh, for God's sakes, Luther,
show a little sensitivity.
The man's wife
has passed away.
Quit beating a dead horse.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
That must be Marion.
She's the girl that lives
across the hall.
Christine got me a date with her 'cause
we thought Laraine was still alive.
Hi.
Come on in, Marion.
Hello, Hayden.
Hey, yeah, what do you say there, Marion?
How you doing?
There you are, Luther.
Long time no see.
I'm sorry, Marion,
I feel like we dragged you all
the way over here for nothing now.
What?
Never mind.
Marion, I'd like you to meet Luther's
friend, Peter Plunkett.
Peter, this is my very dear
friend, Marion Williamson.
Hello, Peter,
nice to meet you.
Well, a howdy-do
to you, too!
This your date?
You always did pick
the prettiest girls.
Thank you.
If I'd have known
you were in Minneapolis,
I'd have been here
a lot sooner.
Oh, God.
PETER: Marion is one
of my favorite names.
I have an aunt named Marion.
Oh, you do not!
I do, too!
Oh, yeah, who?
Uncle Mike's wife.
Oh, yeah, Marion.
Shall we all sit down?
I'll get everybody drinks.
Yeah, I'll just have a glass
of the stuff the eggs are in.
Peter, is your wife with you?
She's dead.
Oh!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
When did it happen?
About three years ago.
I lost my husband
about two years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Well, you try to
get on with your life,
but it's hard.
You feel so lost.
Like suddenly
you're a child again.
What a perfect way
to put that.
(GRUNTING)
Well, he's doing it again.
What?
He's stealing my girl.
What are you talking about?
Look at him, he's flirting with her,
trying to sweep her off her feet.
He's talking
about his dead wife.
Yeah, and it's
working, isn't it?
I'm telling you,
he's trying to steal my girl.
Luther, you've got
nothing to worry about.
The man said he's
going to Europe tomorrow
and there's no way he's gonna
steal your girl tonight.
(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
I haven't danced like that since high school.
You are wonderful!
Oh, shucks!
Just your average
living room Fred Astaire.
Okay, it's my turn.
What?
Hey, Luth, this isn't
a dance contest.
How come he gets to dance
with Marion, and I don't?
Come on, Marion, he's not the only
one in the room who can dance.
(MARION LAUGHING)
Let's jitterbug, let's jitterbug.
Okay.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, jeez!
Oh, jeez!
Luther, are you all right?
No! I'm not all right!
I hit my shin
on the coffee table!
Hey, let me
look at that shin.
Oh, you leave my shin alone!
Oh, don't be a baby!
Let me look at that...
(YELLING)
You did that on purpose!
No, I swear, it was an accident.
Oh, my God!
Both of you, knock it off!
Knock it off! Come on, break it up!
Break it up! Let go of him!
Let go of him!
You let go of me!
You let go of him first!
You let go of me first!
Let go of him!
Come on, you guys! Break it...
What the hell is...
What the hell
is the matter with you two?
Nothing's the matter with me.
He attacked me!
You know what you did!
What did I do?
You know what you did!
And you know
I know you were doing it!
What are you talking about?
You know what
I'm talking about!
And I'm not going to
stand for it anymore.
I'm going to fight back.
Where are you going?
This man
leaves me no choice.
I'm going to get my banjo.
What?
Oh, like I'm supposed to know
what the hell he's talking about?
(HUMMING)
HAYDEN:
Luther.
Luther, Luther, Luther!
No one wants to hear
you play the banjo.
You know, I've heard that all of
my life and I don't believe it.
Everybody loves the banjo.
Now sit down and shut up.
I'm going to play for Marion.
Luther,
that really isn't necessary.
Oh, yeah, it is, Marion.
If I don't tune it, it don't sound good.
Yeah, this is for you.
(SINGING OUT OF TUNE)
Well, five...
Five foot two
Eyes are blue
All that those five...
Can anybody...
Yeah!
Won't you come
home, though, baby?
Remember that?
Won't you come home?
I'm on the high...
I'll walk
the whole day long
I'll do the cooking
Up a lazy river
by the old mill run
The lazy, lazy river
in the noonday sun
Linger in the shade
of a kind old tree
Everybody!
Stop! No more!
No more!
No more! No more! No more banjo!
No more, that's it.
What do you mean, no more?
You've been
playing for an hour.
I only played two songs!
Yeah, but you've been
playing them for an hour!
That's it!
The evening's over.
Oh, Hayden... No, I mean it, Christine.
No more damn banjo!
Actually, it is
getting rather late.
Not that I haven't enjoyed it!
But I probably
should be going.
I probably
should be going, too.
I mean,
I've got an early flight
and I've got some things
soaking in the sink.
That's it?
Everybody's leaving?
Yeah, funny how a banjo
does that to a room.
Christine, thank you
for having me.
Oh, sure, Marion.
Luther, I enjoyed seeing you again.
It's been too long.
Really?
What do you mean by that?
Can I call you?
Well, sure.
Why don't you do that?
Peter,
it was very nice meeting you.
It was very nice
meeting you, too.
Good luck on
the rest of your life.
Thank you.
Night, Hayden.
What? Oh, yeah, night.
I'm really sorry
about all this.
Well, I'm sure
it will work out fine.
Well, I'm right across the
hall just in case you need me.
Okay. Thanks.
Night, sweetie.
I don't know about everybody else,
but I had a terrible time tonight.
I can only speak for
myself, but it was...
Luther, before I go,
I'd just like to say, I'm sorry.
Yeah. Sorry for what?
Trying to steal my girl?
I didn't try
to steal your girl.
Are you trying to tell me
you weren't flirting with her?
Okay, I was flirting,
but I didn't mean anything by that.
I would never try
to steal your girl.
Okay, I did once,
but I'd never do that again.
The person I really came here
tonight to see was you.
I mean, I flew all the way to
Minnesota just to talk to you.
And now the evening's
almost gone
and I never got to say
what I wanted to say.
What did you want to say?
Hayden, would you give me
some help in the kitchen?
Christine, if you want me
out of the room, just say so.
I actually want
some help in the kitchen.
Oh.
What I wanted
to say is that
I believe in new beginnings.
After Laraine died,
I had to.
Now, I know we got off
on the wrong foot tonight
and then
there was that fist fight,
but if it's possible
after 37 years, Luther,
I'd like to have
my best friend back.
What do you say?
Come on, buzzhead!
You know me,
I never can stay mad.
(EXCLAIMING)
You know, I always
hated it when you did that.
That's why I did it.
Hey!
Hey! Don't put that
back in my pack!
Hey, why don't I walk
down to the car with you?
That way we'd have
a few more minutes together.
Yeah. Well, I have a lot
of trouble starting my car,
we might end up
having breakfast together.
Okay, let's go then.
You beat me!
Christine? Hayden?
I'd like to thank
both of you for tonight.
You've helped two old
friends get back together.
You two guys okay?
Yeah, we're great, Hayden.
I love this guy.
Thanks for everything.
Hey, don't mention it.
I say, if we can help
two guys out and it only
spoils one night for me,
I say go for it!
Well, he just
can't stop giving.
Well, good morning
to you, too.
That wasn't a good morning kiss.
That was for last night.
Oh! Oh!
I got to thinking about it,
and what you did last night for
those two guys was really great!
I never kind of...
I don't think these kind of things
are gonna work out. I mean maybe
my whole philosophy
of life is wrong.
Maybe human nature isn't the
dung heap that I think it is.
Well, I'd like to think that.
You got time to stay for
breakfast before you head back?
Sure.
Luther can hold down
the fort till I get there.
Okay, I'll get
the coffee started.
I'll get the paper.
Okay.
So, anything new in the world?
Yeah, this just in,
Peter Plunkett
sleeps with Marion,
Luther Van Dam
jumps off bridge.
What?
Yeah.
Peter. Marion's apartment.
No pants!