Coach (1989–1997): Season 3, Episode 10 - Men Don't Heal - full transcript

FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.

(SIGHS)

Well, I don't know
how you feel,

but I am so angry
I could scream!

Didn't you see the cartoon about
you in today's student paper?

They show you dressed
like a caveman.

You're ripping off Bo Whitley's bloody
arm and holding it up in the air.

Now, honey, I mean, it's just a cartoon.
I don't know what you're so upset about.

God, it makes you
look like a Neanderthal!

Well, you know, this Alan,
I don't know what his name is, Pulsifer,

the kid that
drew the cartoon.



You know, honey,
he's just a young man,

he's just trying
to do his job.

Now, it doesn't bother me,
and I don't want it to bother you.

Well, it does bother me.
I'm going to go do something about it.

No honey,
don't, don't.

Sweetheart,

just

let it go.

Hey, wait a minute.

How can you
just let it go?

Well, it's called
being an adult, Kelly.

I mean, it's a lesson in taking
the high road, sweetheart.

Now you just
run along to class,

I'll see you later, huh?



Let it go.

Let it go, honey.

How's it going, guys?

3,000 to go, Coach.

Good.
Keep at it, Pulsifer.

I don't know why
Hayden isn't here.

It's not like him
to miss an interview.

Especially after we've won.

But listen, I'd be glad to answer
any questions you might have.

I am defensive coordinator.

I've been with Coach Fox
over 20 years,

so I think I can speak
with some authority.

Plus, there isn't any part of the football
program I don't know inside and out,

so talking to me
I guess would be

pretty much the same
as talking to him.

Right, I'll have him
give you a call.

Thank you very much, nice talking to you, too.
It's always a pleasure.

There you are. Did you forget about your
interview with the Minneapolis Star?

Man, was that today?

Jeez, well,
nothing's going right.

What's gone
wrong this morning?

Well, everything.

I went out to get my paper,
and it wasn't where it usually was.

I had to go looking for it for
five minutes in the bushes.

It turns out the stupid paperboy just
had laid it right there on my porch.

Then I went to make breakfast and
I was all out of raisin bread,

and that shot that to hell.

Then, on the way
into work this morning,

I get stopped at both
traffic lights, huh?

I just ought to pack it up and move to the South
Pacific, because nothing's going right.

Hayden, I'll tell
you the truth,

I don't know how much
more of this I could take.

What is your problem?

You're my problem.

Ever since you
and Christine broke up,

you come in here every Monday morning
like it's the end of the world.

Hey, this has nothing to do with
me and Christine breaking up.

Anybody would feel this way
after a day like this.

Hayden, I know it's killing
you about breaking up,

but you've got to do something
to straighten yourself out.

I mean, it's been three weeks.
You're not getting better, you're getting worse.

Good morning, everybody.
How we doing today?

We're doing fine, Dauber.

Still missing Christine,
huh, Coach?

No, I'm not
missing Christine.

Oh, come on, you don't have to
pretend around Dauber and me.

We understand how upset you are.
You're an emotional wreck.

Not to mention what
it's doing to you

physically.

What do you mean?

You know what I mean,
it's not easy going three weeks without,

you know,

conjugation.

What?

Come on, we're adults
here, we're guys.

We can talk about this in the open
without getting all embarrassed.

Would you close
the door, Daub?

I don't want
to talk about this.

Well, you're gonna talk about it.
You need some help.

What kind of help am I
going to get from you guys?

Hey, I'll have you know, when it comes to
this subject I have a lot of experience.

Nobody's gone longer
without sex than I have.

I'm going to say one word,
and one word only,

and the whole thing
will take care of itself.

Wow, what's the word?

Quilts.
Quilts?

I'm saying get a hobby.

Get something to get your
mind off your lower regions.

Yeah, okay.

You're suggesting
that I make a quilt?

Hey, I know, it sounded silly
to me the first time, too,

but I'm telling you,
Hayden, it works.

I can't believe
I'm hearing this!

Well, instead of knocking it,
why don't you try it?

You got to do something.
You can't go the rest of the season like this.

Quilt making
will relax you.

Then you have something nice
to lay at the foot of your bed.

So you do this,
huh, Luth?

Two or three times
a week since 1966.

Luther, Luther...

I got a quilt
80 feet long.

Look, if it helps you,
that's fine,

but the day I turn to
quilt-making to solve my problems

is the day I seal up my windows
and my doors and turn on the gas.

Hayden, if you'd
just try it.

You know, Luth,
I think Coach's problems

might be a little bit more complex than
a simple lack of physical intimacy.

It's a known fact that men take longer
to heal after a relationship than women.

Go on.
No, it's true.

We've talked about this
in my psychology classes.

Men aren't socialized towards a
healthy expression of their emotions.

Plus, we're generally lacking an effective
support system in time of personal crisis.

What the hell are you
talking about, Daub?

Sorry, I do tend
to get clinical.

In layman's terms,
we are macho jerks.

When women break up,

they cry, they talk to their
friends and share their feelings.

And then it's over.

Men keep everything bottled up
inside and have heart attacks.

Well, I'd like
to share my feelings.

Would you shut up, Dauber?

I'm not going to have a heart attack
because I broke up with Christine.

I'm not saying you would have
a heart attack, necessarily.

It could be a stroke
or an aneurysm.

I just think that you would feel a lot better
if you were able to share your feelings

with other men who are going
through the same kind of situation.

Wait a minute.

Are you talking about
a group kind of thing?

My psychology professor knows about a
support group like this up in Minneapolis.

Yeah, I am not going to sit around with a
bunch of losers and talk about how I feel.

Hell, I don't even talk to
myself about how I feel.

It's not what you're
thinking, Coach.

These would be regular guys,
just like yourself.

No, they wouldn't. If they were like
me, they wouldn't be in a group.

I mean, they would be like you
in that they'd been dumped.

I still say
a nice quilt...

Shut up, Luther.

Listen, you only
have to go one time.

If you don't like it,
don't go back.

I'm not going all the way to Minneapolis
to join a lonely hearts club.

What if I just called
and get the information?

Hayden's right.
No!

He doesn't have to go all the way to
Minneapolis to get help with a personal problem.

He's got help right here.

Why don't I just come
over to your cabin tonight,

and I'll bring my quilt,
my sewing kit, and my pattern book.

And we'll just, you know,
sew till you feel better.

Get the information,
Dauber.

Hi, I'm David.

Hi.

Are you here for
the men's support group?

Yeah, I guess so.

Are there any questions
that I can answer for you?

Not that I'm in charge,
but we usually take turns

leading the group
and this is my month.

How long does this
thing usually last?

Not that long.

I know the first time's always a little
uncomfortable, but it gets easier.

We're very informal.
We only use our first names.

The only thing we ask each other is
that everybody be just open and honest.

No, that sounds
pretty fair, I guess.

Good, let me get
you a name tag.

What's your first name?

Ken.

All right, Ken.

There you go,
welcome.

Uh-huh.

Shall we get
started, guys?

Well, I'd like to start tonight by
introducing a new member of the group.

Let's have a nice
warm welcome for Ken.

And we'd like to welcome back to our
group one of our founding members, Ernie.

(ALL CLAPPING)

Dumped again,
huh, Ern?

This is the seventh time
Ernie's been back.

My problem is
I'm addicted to love.

Your problem is
you're a loser.

Hoyt.

Anyway, Ernie, welcome back,
and we're here to help.

I know you are,
thank you.

Now, Ken, usually when we get
a new member in the group,

we like to ask him to start and
tell us a little bit about himself.

So just feel free to open
up and tell it like it is.

I really just came here
to listen, that's all.

You'll find that you get a lot more
out of this if you participate.

Now, come on, tell us a little
bit about Ken and Ken's world.

Well, okay.

My name is Ken

and I'm a kennel operator.

Ken the kennel operator?

That's right, Hoyt.
"Ken's Kennels."

Well, what brought
you here, Ken?

Well, I was, uh...

I don't really want
to talk about this.

Now, come on.

Well, I was in a four year
relationship and it ended

and some of the guys
at the kennel

were saying I was
getting kind of testy.

Why did the relationship end?

Because, she wanted to get married
and I just couldn't commit to it.

Gee, if someone wanted to marry
me, I'd be committed.

If somebody wanted to marry
you, they should be committed.

Why couldn't
you commit, Ken?

Well, I don't know, I've been in a
marriage before and it just didn't work.

Why didn't it work?

Well, she said that I was
obsessed with my career.

I don't know,
maybe I am obsessed with my career.

You're obsessed with
keeping dogs in cages?

There's a lot more to
it than just that, Hoyt.

What? You throw them in some
food, you hose out the cage.

I mean, hey,
what's the big deal?

Have you ever
run a kennel?

No.

Well, then don't go
shouting your mouth off

about something you
don't know anything about.

You want to tell us
about your marriage?

Well, that's pretty typical, really.
I mean, not much to say.

We got married, and grew to hate each
other, and got divorced.

I've been feeling like
garbage ever since.

Well, maybe you've been feeling like
garbage because the wound is still so fresh.

How long ago was it?

18 years.

18 years?

Are those human years
or dog years?

I knew something was up when Eloise
insisted we have dinner at a bowling alley.

I knew then
I'd been set up again.

Ernie, speaking for myself, you've got to
start looking for these early warning signs.

Well, we can talk more
about this on Wednesday.

Great.

You want to wait
a minute, Ken?

I thought we were
done. Aren't we?

Well, yeah,
we're kind of wrapping it up.

Will you be
back next time?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll be back.

Okay, well, great. Then everybody
be here Wednesday and thanks, guys.

Ken, can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah, sure.

You're not coming back, are you?

What do you mean?
I said I was.

I know when
someone's uncomfortable.

I mean, it was obvious that you were
more at ease talking about the kennel

than you were talking
about your personal life.

All right, I just hate this kind of
stuff, that's all.

I used to be
the same way.

I know. I hated
this group stuff at first.

Let me tell you,
I've learned to open up.

And it's helped me in my
relationships with women.

I've a date tomorrow
night with a lady that

I don't think I could have approached
if it hadn't been because of this group.

In fact, if I told you who it was,
you probably wouldn't believe me.

You watch
Channel Six News?

I used to.

I'm going out
with Christine Armstrong.

Hayden in yet?

No, but I can't wait
till he gets here.

I'm really anxious to hear
how it went last night.

I'll tell you,
he's not gonna go for this group stuff.

Well, whether he
likes it or not,

I'm just pleased
that after eight years,

he's finally listened
to something I said.

It shows he trusts me.

That I have become in his eyes
something of a peer.

And that really
makes me feel great.

Hey, Coach!

Dauber, you're fired.

Huh?

Well, I ought to fire you for sending
me up there to that stupid group.

That's the worst thing
I've ever done.

I'm don't want to run
this into the ground,

I just want to say I was sewing
last night and I feel great.

Maybe you didn't give
the group a chance.

Did you open up?
Did you share?

Oh yeah,
I'm sharing Christine.

What?

Yeah, one of the guys
in the group is dating her.

Oh no.
HAYDEN: Oh, yeah.

Yeah, some open,
sensitive guy known only as David.

I'm feeling a real personal
sense of defeat about this.

Jeez, she's
dating already?

I mean, you've only been
broken up for three weeks.

Hey, just because she went out on one
date doesn't mean it's anything serious.

Well, I don't know
about serious,

I mean, what if she
falls in love with the guy?

She's not going to fall
in love after one date.

It took a long time for her
and Coach to fall in love.

Up until then
it was just sexual.

Jeez, thanks a lot, Daub.
I hadn't even thought about that!

I've got to call her.
What are you going to say?

Oh, I'm going to find out
what the hell is going on.

I want to know how
somebody who can...

Who wanted to marry me three weeks ago
can just forget about me like that.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Christine?
Hayden.

Hi, Hayden.

Yeah, answer me
one question.

Three weeks ago when we broke up,
if I'd been willing to get married,

you would have
said yes, right?

What's going on?

Just answer the question,
Christine.

Don't bark at me.
What is your problem?

I'll tell you
what my problem is.

I've been betrayed
by the woman I loved.

What are you
talking about?

Look, I spent the last three
weeks ripping my guts out,

trying to figure out a way
to get us back together.

And while I've been down here
feeling bad and everything,

you've been up there in Minneapolis
just dating your little brains out.

I am not "dating my
little brains out.”

I have a date.

Not that it matters.
How did you find out about that?

Look...

What do you mean
"how did I find out about..."

None of your business
how I found out.

Men know these things,
Christine.

I can't believe
you'd do this to me.

Well, Hayden, what did you
think I was going to do?

Sit around forever
and wait for you?

No, not forever!

But at least three weeks,
Christine, come on.

Jeez, the Department of Motor
Vehicles gives you more time

than that when
your license expires.

Hayden, look,

somebody did ask me
out and I accepted.

I don't think there's
anything wrong with that.

And I certainly don't think
I have to explain that.

So in other words, there's no
need in me trying to change,

because basically I'm out of the
picture, and you've moved on.

Are you saying that
you are trying to change?

Well, gosh, Christine,
who's had time?

I'm still in shock.

I'm not even sleeping in
the middle of my bed yet.

Hayden, nobody is putting
a gun to your head.

The whole reason we broke up is
because you said that you can't change,

and I accept that.

Just like you're going to have to
accept that I'm going on with my life.

Well, I can't accept that.

Well, you have to.

What if you fall
in love with this guy?

(SIGHS)

Hayden, look, I can't keep
having these conversations.

I know where you stand,
and you know where I stand.

And every time we talk,
we just keep ending up in the same place.

I have to go.

Wait a minute,
wait...

You want us
to leave, Coach?

Why didn't you offer to leave
before the phone call?

What did she say?

Basically, she said,
"It's all over, Hayden,

"I'm gonna get my phone
number and put it on the wall

"of every men's room
in Minneapolis."

That doesn't
sound like Christine.

I'm paraphrasing, Dauber.
That was the gist of it.

Jeez, I can't believe this.

I mean, she's gonna go ahead and go out with this guy.
There's nothing I can do.

I mean, what if she falls in love with him?
My life's gonna be over.

Maybe you ought to tell the guy in
your group about you and Christine,

and then you could
talk him out of it.

Because I don't even
know the guy's name.

I don't even know when
I'll see him again.

Yes, I do.

At that stupid support
group tomorrow night.

Hey, Ken, you came back.

Yeah.

Gee, I'm glad. It's nice to have
some new blood in the group.

So how are
things at work?

Uh, yeah, fine.
We had a good practice this afternoon.

What do you
practice at a kennel?

Huh?

Oh yeah, oh...

We practice

opening the cages and letting the
dogs go out and come back in again.

You know, in case of a fire or an
earthquake, something like that.

Oh, I never thought of that.

Where do you take
a dog in an earthquake?

Well, you do what you do with people.
You stick them under a doorjamb.

How do you get them
to stay there?

That's why
we practice, Ern.

Hey, look, when I leave work,
I kind of like to leave it there, you know.

Well, what do you know,
Kennel Ken and his dog, Ernie.

Anybody seen
that David guy?

Yeah, I saw him
parking his car.

Did he look happy?

Well, he wasn't wagging his tail and
panting, if that's what you mean.

Evening, guys.

Hey, Ken, you're back.

All right, yeah, tra-la-la.
What do you say? Let's get started, huh?

Let's do some sharing.

You seem a little testy tonight.
Is anything wrong?

Oh, no, I just
wanna start sharing.

Feel like a really good
sharing coming on, come on.

Let's spill our guts,
what do you say?

Okay, okay,
all right, all right.

Who'd like to go first?
I'll start, okay?

How'd your date go?

I thought you
wanted to talk.

I am talking,
I'm talking.

Okay, this is my sharing.
How'd your date go?

It went fine.

It went fine? How fine?
Define "fine."

Ken, I'm sensing
a lot of hostility.

Oh, this isn't hostility,
Dave. This is support.

What did you do?

Well, we went out
and had dinner...

What'd you have?

Who cares?

I care.

A meal can set the tone
for a whole evening.

They had shrimp,
in honor of you.

Look, it doesn't matter
what they had for dinner.

It's what they had after
dinner that matters, huh?

Yeah. Yeah,
I'd like to hear about that.

Well, after dinner we went
back to her apartment...

(ALL CLAMORING)

Hold on, hold on, come on.

If you guys are that desperate,
why don't you make a quilt?

So, what did you do
at her apartment?

Nothing.
We just talked.

Another loser.

The truth is,
she's in love with somebody else.

Somebody else?

Yeah, this guy she
used to go with.

I don't think she's going to be ready
for a relationship for a long time.

Really?
Oh, that's too bad.

Yeah, isn't that
too bad?

Well, I got to tell you,
this has really been fun sharing with you guys,

but I'm all talked out.
1 got to go.

You're leaving?

Yeah, I've got to pick up a
crate of poodles at the airport.

Your date really
sounds rough.

We feel sorry
for you, Dave.

You want to feel sorry for somebody,
feel sorry for the guy she's in love with.

I mean, this is one
great lady, guys.

Beautiful, warm, smart.

And she's fun
to talk to.

The kind of woman
we're all looking for.

Yeah, but why would a guy
let a woman like that go, huh?

Maybe he didn't
know what he had.

Maybe he was
afraid of something.

I thought you
were leaving.

Yeah, I can stay
a little longer.

The crates have
holes in them.

What do you think a guy
like that is afraid of?

I don't know.

I don't know the guy,
but he sounds a little like me.

Maybe he's afraid
of getting married, you know?

Maybe he just didn't want to
go through all that pain again.

See, that's the kind of guy that
belongs in a group like this.

That's a guy
we could help.

Uh, so, what would you
do with a guy like that?

We could help him by showing
that he's a good guy

and he has aright
to be happy.

And that the hurt's
not gonna last forever.

Well...

My problem's a little
like this guy's problem.

Do you want
to talk about me?

Yeah.

How many poodles
fit in a crate?