Coach (1989–1997): Season 2, Episode 5 - If Keith Jackson Calls, I'll Be at My Therapist's - full transcript
Coach undergoes hypnotism in order to overcome a nervous facial twitch, but with adverse affects.
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
(ALL YELLING)
One at a time,
ladies and gentlemen.
How does it feel to be 5 and 1?
Coach.
Did you know this year's team
had this kind of potential?
Well, it's our belief that
every team has potential.
It's just a question of whether
or not they live up to it.
This team's just living it
up a little better than most.
Now you're gonna play
Penn State in two weeks.
What do you think
your chances are?
Well, you know,
we're not looking ahead to Penn State.
We've got a big match-up
with Idaho next week.
We're just playing them
one game at a time.
All right? Is that enough,
ladies and gentlemen?
Thanks. Coach.
Wrap it.
If you go into the Penn State
game with a 6 and 1 record
you've got a shot
at a bowl bid.
Well, like I said we're just
playing them one game at a time.
A bowl bid would be nice
but we're not gonna slit our
wrists if we don't get one.
Thanks.
Well, I got to hand it
to you, Hayden.
You're really keeping
your cool about all this.
You know, we've got to keep
our perspective on this, guys.
We've got a lot to be
thankful for this year.
I'm here to tell you.
You know what?
I think we ought to just take one moment
to bow our heads
in prayer.
Dear Lord, I'd give my
spleen to go to a bowl game.
(REPORTERS CLAMORING ON TV)
HAYDEN:
One at a time, please.
REPORTER: Did you know this year's
team had this kind of potential?
Well, it's our belief that
every team has potential.
It's just a question of whether
or not they live up to it.
It's that this year's team's living
it up a little better than most.
REPORTER: You've got a game
with Penn State in two weeks.
What do you think
your chances are?
Hey, we're not looking
ahead to Penn State.
We've got a big match-up
with Idaho next week.
We're just gonna be playing
them one game at a time.
Well, Steve, Coach Fox may not
want to talk about bowl! bids,
but if his Screaming Eagles keep
winning the way they have been,
you can be sure the bow!
scouts will be taking notice.
In any event, we're in the
middle of an exciting football...
Boy, I wish they'd quit
talking about a bowl bid.
Man, they're
gonna jinx it.
Since when are
you superstitious?
Since we started winning.
I've been wearing the
same socks for four weeks.
Hayden.
No, I don't have them on now.
I meant during the game, Christine.
Come on, let's go
eat some dinner.
Hayden, how long have you been
doing that thing with your face?
What thing?
That face thing you were
doing during the interview.
Is that a nervous habit?
You noticed it, huh?
Well, hell, yes, it's a nervous
habit, Christine. Man, I am...
lam very nervous.
I'm a nervous wreck.
I mean,
why shouldn't I be?
This is
my best season ever.
I mean, that's a lot of
responsibility, Christine.
I mean, you know,
we're winning.
And, I mean,
once you start winning
people keep expecting you
to win, and that's fine.
I don't mind that. But I don't know
why we're winning. ll mean, is it me?
I mean, am I suddenly just become a good
coach, or is it the team?
Oh, yeah, or it could be
those socks.
God, I just wish I knew.
I--1 knew you were feeling
a lot of stress.
I guess I didn't know
it was this bad.
Oh, man, it's gettin' worse. I don't want
to talk about it. It just makes me nervous.
Can we just, please...
Can we just go to dinner?
I think it's good for you
to talk about it.
Hayden, I'm concerned.
No, no, Christine,
I'm fine.
Hayden, look,
if you don't want to talk to me,
maybe you'd like to talk
to somebody else.
Yeah, like somebody, who?
Well, I don't know,
maybe Luther.
Maybe a doctor.
Maybe someone in-between.
You mean a shrink!
Oh, you mean
a quackmeister.
You think I'm nuts.
Hayden, the idea that people are nuts
because they go to a therapist is archaic.
I think the people who are nutty are the
people who need help and refuse to go.
Do you go?
Well...
I would if I needed to.
But you don't need to.
Hayden, I'm not under the
kind of stress you're under.
My best friend, Barbara,
goes to a therapist.
Oh, Barbara's a loon.
She is not.
Oh, Christine, she smokes four
packs of cigarettes a day,
she's been married five times.
I would call that a loony.
Jeez. Besides,
she wears those hats.
Fine, fine, forget
I said anything.
You just keep twitching away
and hold it all inside
and I'll see you
in the Cardiac Unit.
Christine what are you
getting so upset about?
I mean, I'm feeling
a lot better, you know.
I think talking to you has really helped.
Oh, please.
No, really! I think all I needed
to do was just get that out.
And now that I've done it
I'm feeling fine.
I mean, hey, hey, hey, look, look,
I haven't twitched since we've been talking.
See. All because of you.
I still wish
you'd see somebody.
Not necessary.
Come on, let's eat.
(ALL CHEERING)
Yeah!
Six and one. I can't
believe it. We beat Idaho!
Luther, everybody in America
thought we'd beat Idaho.
Well, I didn't. Six and one.
Can you believe it?
There he is! Coach of the year!
Six and one. Do you believe it?
This is getting scary,
isn't it?
Scary? It's great! You hear the
way those fans were rooting for us?
Oh, Yeah. I remember
before we started winning,
I'd get depressed when they'd throw
their seat cushions and trash at us.
But, today when they did it,
you just knew it was out of love.
Hayden, you won't believe what the
university president just told me.
What would you say
if I told you
that we're gonna be
on national television?
You're kidding?
No, no, I'm not.
They just announced
that we're gonna be
the ABC College Football
Game of the Week.
Us?
Holy mackerel.
I've got to watch that!
Dauber, you're going
to be at the game.
Oh, that's right.
I'm gonna miss it.
You're not gonna miss it, you big dummy.
You can tape it.
Riley,
are you sure about this?
They just called the sports information office.
You realize what this means?
Yeah, it means we're finally
going to get the exposure
and recognition that we worked
hard for all these years.
It means that I have got to create
the greatest halftime show of my life.
Twenty million people.
Twenty million and one.
I know my dad will watch.
Well, we got to be careful
where we scratch ourselves.
I've got it!
I'm going to do
a tribute to Batman.
Riley, what the hell are you
talking about?
I'm going to do a tribute to
the greatest crime fighting hero
and largest-grossing motion
picture of the 20th century.
Wait till Mrs. Pringle hears about this.
She'll go batty!
God, what a year
I'm having!
National television.
Holy cow.
Hayden, what's the matter
with your face?
Oh, it's this nervous habit
I've picked up.
Isn't there anything
you can do about it?
Well, yeah, I tried
chewing gum, hot towels.
If you're gonna chew anything,
I'd stick to the gum.
Wow, it's unbelievable out there.
Hey!
We would have come down here sooner,
but we couldn't get through that crowd.
Yeah. I'm not normally
a sports enthusiast,
but I got so excited at one point
today, I leapt to my feet.
That was you, huh?
Anyway, we just came
to say congratulations.
So, we'll see you and Christine
at dinner tonight, right?
And I'll see you tomorrow,
right, Daub?
KELLY: All right. Go Eagles.
You're spending your Sunday
with Stuart?
Oh, yeah, I'm going to
help him study for a test.
You're helping him study?
Actually, I'm just
getting his mind ready.
I'm going to hypnotize him.
Go on.
No, no, I do it all the time.
I learned it in a class.
It can really help a person relax
and get your mind more receptive
to all kinds of new thoughts
and ideas.
(PHONE RINGING)
Coach here.
Who?
Holy smokes, Keith Jackson
is on the phone.
Keith Jackson?
The sportscaster? Yeah.
Who's he calling for?
Me, Einstein.
Sure, Mrs. Thorkelson,
put him on.
Hi, Keith Jackson.
Oh, yeah. We just heard about it.
We're all very excited here, sir.
Thank--Thank you.
No, I could make myself available
for a post-game interview.
No, no problem at all.
Sure, I could meet you in the booth afterwards.
That'd be an honor.
Hi, Mr. Jackson.
Well, thank you
very much, Mr. Jackson.
Keith.
Keith Jackson is going to interview
you on national television?
Yeah!
Hayden, the whole country's
going to be watching you.
Yeah.
Everybody in the country is gonna
be watching me doing this. Jeez.
Who you calling?
I've got to call for help, man.
I mean, it's time to put aside my prejudices,
admit I have a problem and
just consult a professional.
Hi, Christine.
Hey, yeah, it's me.
Hey, what's the name of that witch
doctor your loony friend Barbara goes to?
If you want them to know you're here,
you have to flip the switch by their name.
Oh.
What's your problem?
I beg your pardon?
I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm out of line here.
I don't know what the rules are, you know.
It's my first time.
Oh, no, that's okay.
There aren't any rules.
There's nothing to feel
self-conscious about.
I'm Bob.
I'm Ted.
I'm being treated for a
compulsive behavioral disorder.
A what?
I follow people.
I don't know why.
I'll just be walking
down the street
and suddenly I'll see someone
and I'll have to follow them.
I don't hurt them.
They don't even know that I'm there.
And I never follow them all the way home.
I think
that would be rude.
It's making a mess
of my marriage
I'm always late for work.
Every once in a while I'll pick
someone who's leaving on a vacation
and I can be gone
for God knows how long.
It was just a stroke of luck.
Once I followed someone who was coming here.
I've really found therapy
very helpful.
I'll bet you have.
Well, you know, I think my problem's cleared up.
If you'll excuse me...
Mr. Fox?
Come on in.
I'm Joel Anderson.
Oh.
Hi, Hayden Fox.
Ted for short.
Have a seat.
Right.
Oh, I know what that is.
That's the couch.
Uh-huh.
I thought so.
Are we doing it?
I was waiting until
you were ready.
I'm paying by the hour.
I'm ready.
You told me on the phone that you'd
been under a lot of stress lately.
Yeah. And I got this twitch.
And I got to go on TV Saturday.
And I've got to get rid of it
before Keith Jackson sees me.
How long have you had this?
A couple of weeks.
Every time we keep winning
it seems to get worse.
Has this ever happened
to you before?
Well, we won a couple of games in
'86, but nothing like this.
No, no, no, I meant have you
ever had the twitching before?
No.
Have you ever felt the kind
of stress you're feeling now?
Yeah, I've been under stress
before. It's part of my job.
And I guess, you know, like everybody
else, I've had my share of personal stress.
In the past, how have you coped
with your personal stress?
I got a divorce.
That was it?
Yeah, pretty much took care of it.
Oh, but there was that time Iran my car
into the side of my neighbor's house.
I can understand how that
would be stress inducing.
No, that's howl
got rid of my stress.
I hate my neighbor.
Oh.
Other than that, though,
I'm a pretty easygoing kind of guy.
So, can you get rid of this
by Saturday?
I don't think so.
You're kidding?
What am I doing here then?
I assumed you were here because
you wanted to identify the problem.
I've identified the problem!
I just don't want to
nationally televise it!
Look, Hayden, Hayden,
therapy is not a quick fix. It takes time.
But if you invest the time,
it can have lasting results.
But I don't have the time!
And I don't need lasting results!
I just need to get through Saturday
without looking like Crazy Guggenheim.
Is it possible you're blowing this
television appearance out of proportion?
Oh, this is the single
biggest game of my career.
Everything I've ever wanted or dreamed
about as a coach could come true if we win.
If we lose,
the world's gonna end.
How is that blowing it
out of proportion?
Hayden, please, please.
No! I knew I shouldn't
have come here, man.
I knew you wouldn't
understand.
Boy, you pay 75 bucks an hour
to have somebody tell you
you're blowing things
out of proportion.
I'll tell you what's out of
proportion, 75 bucks an hour.
No wonder that Barbara's
all screwed up.
It's a miracle she can
afford those stupid hats!
Finally, men, I want you to go out there this
afternoon and forget about those TV cameras,
all those bowl scouts,
and all that hype.
You boys have worked hard.
I just want you to go out there this
afternoon, and let's have some fun.
What do you say?
(ALL CHEERING)
Fire it up. Fire it up.
Fire it up.
Great speech, Coach.
Yeah, thanks, Daub.
My God, Hayden.
What?
Your face.
Yeah, it's getting worse, isn't it?
Dad, you've got to calm down.
This is scary.
I'll be all right.
I'm fine. Thanks.
Don't you guys think that
maybe you're blowing this whole
television appearance
thing out of proportion?
No, I wish people would
quit saying that.
This thing is big, damn it.
I mean, everybody's been saying it
isn't, but it is.
This is the biggest moment
of our lives.
And please take off that hat,
Luther.
And it should be treated with the respect
and the seriousness that it deserves.
Hayden, are you ready?
We've got to fly.
Riley, what the hell
are you supposed to be?
I'm Batman.
You don't look
anything like Batman.
Well, Mrs. Pringle's arthritis
was acting up this week
and this was the best
she could do.
Riley, 20 million people are
going to be watching this game.
I mean, most of them have never
even heard of Minnesota State.
Is this is the impression
you want to leave them with?
My wife worked night and day
on this costume.
And I'm not going to break
that dear woman's heart.
Ready to go, Mr. Pringle?
Yes.
I'll see you on the field.
You look great,
by the way.
Thank you.
I don't even want
to play now.
Once the game starts
you'll be fine.
You think so?
I know so.
Now hold your face still
and give me a kiss.
Fine.
Good luck, Daddy.
Thanks, babe.
LUTHER: Come on. Let's go.
Dauber, wait a minute,
I need to talk to you in here.
Me, Coach?
Yeah. Luth, I'll meet you
in the tunnel.
Daub, I just can't go out like this.
I just can't do it.
You want me to
take over, Coach?
No, jeez, I'd have to be
in a full body twitch
before I'd
let you take over.
No, I want you to do that hypnotism
thing we talked about last week.
You want me
to put you under?
I need something.
Great. Go sit in your chair.
Now, Daub, if you put me under,
you can get me out, right?
You'll be able to
get yourself out.
When I hypnotize you,
I'm going to give you a word
that will let you put yourself
in a hypnotic state.
And then I'm gonna
give you another word
that will let you
bring yourself out of it.
You'll be in control, Coach.
I'm not going to be bumping into
walls or imitating dogs, am 1?
It's not a trance.
It's just a state
of relaxation.
What are you doing?
Just concentrate on this thumbtack
and the sound of my voice.
You're gonna feel sleepy
and very heavy.
How long will this take, Dauber?
Not that long.
Just let your body go limp
and your mind go blank.
Relax.
Listen only to the sound
of my voice.
Soon you're gonna be
falling into a deep sleep.
The only thing you're gonna
hear is the sound of my voice.
Relax.
Now, you are
completely relaxed.
The only thing you hear
is the sound of my voice.
I am now going to give you
a word that you can use
to put yourself into
this same restful state.
When you say the word...
snowblower
you will feel
completely relaxed
and feel no desire
to twitch.
Whenever you say the word
motorcycle
you will come
out of this state
and return to your
normal state of anxiety.
If this is clear, nod.
On the count of three,
I'm gonna snap my fingers
and you will wake up
feeling completely refreshed.
One, two, three.
How do you feel?
I feel okay.
Damn, it didn't work, Dauber.
Wait. You haven't put
yourself under.
Do you remember
the words I gave you?
Yeah. Snowblower.
How do you feel now?
Yeah, I feel okay.
I feel pretty good.
I'm not twitching, am 1?
Guys, the team's in the tunnel.
Everybody's waiting.
Yeah, we'll be there
in just a second, Luth.
This is gonna last the whole
game, right, Daub?
It will last until
you hear the word motorcycle.
Thank you very much,
Dauber.
Remember your words.
Snowblower.
And motorcycle.
Snowblower.
And motorcycle.
Snowblower.
And motorcycle.
Stop it, Dauber!
Snowblower.
Wow.
This is amazing.
I really feel...mellow.
Let's go kill 'em, Daub.
Yeah.
(WHISTLING)
DAUBER: Good efforts.
Good game, boys.
I can't believe we lost.
Luther, everybody in the country
thought we'd lose to Penn State.
I didn't.
Hey, it's not all that bad.
At least we'll get to watch the Coach
being interviewed by Keith Jackson.
Hey, that's right.
JACKSON: So there's your final score,
Penn State 31, Minnesota State 7.
But, Bob Griese,
not a bad outing for the Screaming Eagles.
If they'd have played 60 minutes,
they would have been right there.
I was impressed with the way the
Eagles played the entire ball game.
They had a couple of breakdowns in the second
half, a couple of interceptions,
a couple of special
team's breakdowns.
They could have been right in
this ball game right to the end.
We expect that Coach Hayden Fox will
be by to talk to us in a few minutes.
But it looks like this is the
kind of a game he can build on.
Well, you look at the things that
you do wrong and correct them.
You build on the things
that you did properly
and I think this ball club is gonna be
much improved in the next few ball games.
Here comes the coach right now.
Hey, Coach, congratulations.
Pretty good effort with the kids.
Yeah. thanks.
I wasn't sure
you'd make it up here.
I mean, it was a little
bit of a pressure cooker
for you today, huh?
Oh, I was awful nervous.
But it sure is great to see you guys
here, I'll tell you.
You got to be happy the way the kids played.
They were right in the hunt.
It was close up through
the third quarter.
Well, I was happy everybody
got there shoes on right.
That's how nervous we were.
You didn't need rocks
in the pockets.
You stayed right on the
ground the whole ball game.
Maybe with this effort you woke up
some of those short-armed alumni
from Minnesota State.
Yeah. f hope so. { hope so.
Congratulations.
It was a good effort.
Something you can
build on, Coach.
{ think so. know I'm
real proud of our boys.
It's really a pleasure meeting you two
fellows, Mr. Jackson and Mr. Griese.
We're happy to be here.
Good luck to you. He did all right.
All right, your final score was Penn State
31, Minnesota State 7.
This is Keith Jackson, Bob
Griese, from Lindheim Stadium.
We take you now to Monaco as we
pick up coverage of the Grand Prix
motorcycle championship.
filmed before a studio audience.
(ALL YELLING)
One at a time,
ladies and gentlemen.
How does it feel to be 5 and 1?
Coach.
Did you know this year's team
had this kind of potential?
Well, it's our belief that
every team has potential.
It's just a question of whether
or not they live up to it.
This team's just living it
up a little better than most.
Now you're gonna play
Penn State in two weeks.
What do you think
your chances are?
Well, you know,
we're not looking ahead to Penn State.
We've got a big match-up
with Idaho next week.
We're just playing them
one game at a time.
All right? Is that enough,
ladies and gentlemen?
Thanks. Coach.
Wrap it.
If you go into the Penn State
game with a 6 and 1 record
you've got a shot
at a bowl bid.
Well, like I said we're just
playing them one game at a time.
A bowl bid would be nice
but we're not gonna slit our
wrists if we don't get one.
Thanks.
Well, I got to hand it
to you, Hayden.
You're really keeping
your cool about all this.
You know, we've got to keep
our perspective on this, guys.
We've got a lot to be
thankful for this year.
I'm here to tell you.
You know what?
I think we ought to just take one moment
to bow our heads
in prayer.
Dear Lord, I'd give my
spleen to go to a bowl game.
(REPORTERS CLAMORING ON TV)
HAYDEN:
One at a time, please.
REPORTER: Did you know this year's
team had this kind of potential?
Well, it's our belief that
every team has potential.
It's just a question of whether
or not they live up to it.
It's that this year's team's living
it up a little better than most.
REPORTER: You've got a game
with Penn State in two weeks.
What do you think
your chances are?
Hey, we're not looking
ahead to Penn State.
We've got a big match-up
with Idaho next week.
We're just gonna be playing
them one game at a time.
Well, Steve, Coach Fox may not
want to talk about bowl! bids,
but if his Screaming Eagles keep
winning the way they have been,
you can be sure the bow!
scouts will be taking notice.
In any event, we're in the
middle of an exciting football...
Boy, I wish they'd quit
talking about a bowl bid.
Man, they're
gonna jinx it.
Since when are
you superstitious?
Since we started winning.
I've been wearing the
same socks for four weeks.
Hayden.
No, I don't have them on now.
I meant during the game, Christine.
Come on, let's go
eat some dinner.
Hayden, how long have you been
doing that thing with your face?
What thing?
That face thing you were
doing during the interview.
Is that a nervous habit?
You noticed it, huh?
Well, hell, yes, it's a nervous
habit, Christine. Man, I am...
lam very nervous.
I'm a nervous wreck.
I mean,
why shouldn't I be?
This is
my best season ever.
I mean, that's a lot of
responsibility, Christine.
I mean, you know,
we're winning.
And, I mean,
once you start winning
people keep expecting you
to win, and that's fine.
I don't mind that. But I don't know
why we're winning. ll mean, is it me?
I mean, am I suddenly just become a good
coach, or is it the team?
Oh, yeah, or it could be
those socks.
God, I just wish I knew.
I--1 knew you were feeling
a lot of stress.
I guess I didn't know
it was this bad.
Oh, man, it's gettin' worse. I don't want
to talk about it. It just makes me nervous.
Can we just, please...
Can we just go to dinner?
I think it's good for you
to talk about it.
Hayden, I'm concerned.
No, no, Christine,
I'm fine.
Hayden, look,
if you don't want to talk to me,
maybe you'd like to talk
to somebody else.
Yeah, like somebody, who?
Well, I don't know,
maybe Luther.
Maybe a doctor.
Maybe someone in-between.
You mean a shrink!
Oh, you mean
a quackmeister.
You think I'm nuts.
Hayden, the idea that people are nuts
because they go to a therapist is archaic.
I think the people who are nutty are the
people who need help and refuse to go.
Do you go?
Well...
I would if I needed to.
But you don't need to.
Hayden, I'm not under the
kind of stress you're under.
My best friend, Barbara,
goes to a therapist.
Oh, Barbara's a loon.
She is not.
Oh, Christine, she smokes four
packs of cigarettes a day,
she's been married five times.
I would call that a loony.
Jeez. Besides,
she wears those hats.
Fine, fine, forget
I said anything.
You just keep twitching away
and hold it all inside
and I'll see you
in the Cardiac Unit.
Christine what are you
getting so upset about?
I mean, I'm feeling
a lot better, you know.
I think talking to you has really helped.
Oh, please.
No, really! I think all I needed
to do was just get that out.
And now that I've done it
I'm feeling fine.
I mean, hey, hey, hey, look, look,
I haven't twitched since we've been talking.
See. All because of you.
I still wish
you'd see somebody.
Not necessary.
Come on, let's eat.
(ALL CHEERING)
Yeah!
Six and one. I can't
believe it. We beat Idaho!
Luther, everybody in America
thought we'd beat Idaho.
Well, I didn't. Six and one.
Can you believe it?
There he is! Coach of the year!
Six and one. Do you believe it?
This is getting scary,
isn't it?
Scary? It's great! You hear the
way those fans were rooting for us?
Oh, Yeah. I remember
before we started winning,
I'd get depressed when they'd throw
their seat cushions and trash at us.
But, today when they did it,
you just knew it was out of love.
Hayden, you won't believe what the
university president just told me.
What would you say
if I told you
that we're gonna be
on national television?
You're kidding?
No, no, I'm not.
They just announced
that we're gonna be
the ABC College Football
Game of the Week.
Us?
Holy mackerel.
I've got to watch that!
Dauber, you're going
to be at the game.
Oh, that's right.
I'm gonna miss it.
You're not gonna miss it, you big dummy.
You can tape it.
Riley,
are you sure about this?
They just called the sports information office.
You realize what this means?
Yeah, it means we're finally
going to get the exposure
and recognition that we worked
hard for all these years.
It means that I have got to create
the greatest halftime show of my life.
Twenty million people.
Twenty million and one.
I know my dad will watch.
Well, we got to be careful
where we scratch ourselves.
I've got it!
I'm going to do
a tribute to Batman.
Riley, what the hell are you
talking about?
I'm going to do a tribute to
the greatest crime fighting hero
and largest-grossing motion
picture of the 20th century.
Wait till Mrs. Pringle hears about this.
She'll go batty!
God, what a year
I'm having!
National television.
Holy cow.
Hayden, what's the matter
with your face?
Oh, it's this nervous habit
I've picked up.
Isn't there anything
you can do about it?
Well, yeah, I tried
chewing gum, hot towels.
If you're gonna chew anything,
I'd stick to the gum.
Wow, it's unbelievable out there.
Hey!
We would have come down here sooner,
but we couldn't get through that crowd.
Yeah. I'm not normally
a sports enthusiast,
but I got so excited at one point
today, I leapt to my feet.
That was you, huh?
Anyway, we just came
to say congratulations.
So, we'll see you and Christine
at dinner tonight, right?
And I'll see you tomorrow,
right, Daub?
KELLY: All right. Go Eagles.
You're spending your Sunday
with Stuart?
Oh, yeah, I'm going to
help him study for a test.
You're helping him study?
Actually, I'm just
getting his mind ready.
I'm going to hypnotize him.
Go on.
No, no, I do it all the time.
I learned it in a class.
It can really help a person relax
and get your mind more receptive
to all kinds of new thoughts
and ideas.
(PHONE RINGING)
Coach here.
Who?
Holy smokes, Keith Jackson
is on the phone.
Keith Jackson?
The sportscaster? Yeah.
Who's he calling for?
Me, Einstein.
Sure, Mrs. Thorkelson,
put him on.
Hi, Keith Jackson.
Oh, yeah. We just heard about it.
We're all very excited here, sir.
Thank--Thank you.
No, I could make myself available
for a post-game interview.
No, no problem at all.
Sure, I could meet you in the booth afterwards.
That'd be an honor.
Hi, Mr. Jackson.
Well, thank you
very much, Mr. Jackson.
Keith.
Keith Jackson is going to interview
you on national television?
Yeah!
Hayden, the whole country's
going to be watching you.
Yeah.
Everybody in the country is gonna
be watching me doing this. Jeez.
Who you calling?
I've got to call for help, man.
I mean, it's time to put aside my prejudices,
admit I have a problem and
just consult a professional.
Hi, Christine.
Hey, yeah, it's me.
Hey, what's the name of that witch
doctor your loony friend Barbara goes to?
If you want them to know you're here,
you have to flip the switch by their name.
Oh.
What's your problem?
I beg your pardon?
I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm out of line here.
I don't know what the rules are, you know.
It's my first time.
Oh, no, that's okay.
There aren't any rules.
There's nothing to feel
self-conscious about.
I'm Bob.
I'm Ted.
I'm being treated for a
compulsive behavioral disorder.
A what?
I follow people.
I don't know why.
I'll just be walking
down the street
and suddenly I'll see someone
and I'll have to follow them.
I don't hurt them.
They don't even know that I'm there.
And I never follow them all the way home.
I think
that would be rude.
It's making a mess
of my marriage
I'm always late for work.
Every once in a while I'll pick
someone who's leaving on a vacation
and I can be gone
for God knows how long.
It was just a stroke of luck.
Once I followed someone who was coming here.
I've really found therapy
very helpful.
I'll bet you have.
Well, you know, I think my problem's cleared up.
If you'll excuse me...
Mr. Fox?
Come on in.
I'm Joel Anderson.
Oh.
Hi, Hayden Fox.
Ted for short.
Have a seat.
Right.
Oh, I know what that is.
That's the couch.
Uh-huh.
I thought so.
Are we doing it?
I was waiting until
you were ready.
I'm paying by the hour.
I'm ready.
You told me on the phone that you'd
been under a lot of stress lately.
Yeah. And I got this twitch.
And I got to go on TV Saturday.
And I've got to get rid of it
before Keith Jackson sees me.
How long have you had this?
A couple of weeks.
Every time we keep winning
it seems to get worse.
Has this ever happened
to you before?
Well, we won a couple of games in
'86, but nothing like this.
No, no, no, I meant have you
ever had the twitching before?
No.
Have you ever felt the kind
of stress you're feeling now?
Yeah, I've been under stress
before. It's part of my job.
And I guess, you know, like everybody
else, I've had my share of personal stress.
In the past, how have you coped
with your personal stress?
I got a divorce.
That was it?
Yeah, pretty much took care of it.
Oh, but there was that time Iran my car
into the side of my neighbor's house.
I can understand how that
would be stress inducing.
No, that's howl
got rid of my stress.
I hate my neighbor.
Oh.
Other than that, though,
I'm a pretty easygoing kind of guy.
So, can you get rid of this
by Saturday?
I don't think so.
You're kidding?
What am I doing here then?
I assumed you were here because
you wanted to identify the problem.
I've identified the problem!
I just don't want to
nationally televise it!
Look, Hayden, Hayden,
therapy is not a quick fix. It takes time.
But if you invest the time,
it can have lasting results.
But I don't have the time!
And I don't need lasting results!
I just need to get through Saturday
without looking like Crazy Guggenheim.
Is it possible you're blowing this
television appearance out of proportion?
Oh, this is the single
biggest game of my career.
Everything I've ever wanted or dreamed
about as a coach could come true if we win.
If we lose,
the world's gonna end.
How is that blowing it
out of proportion?
Hayden, please, please.
No! I knew I shouldn't
have come here, man.
I knew you wouldn't
understand.
Boy, you pay 75 bucks an hour
to have somebody tell you
you're blowing things
out of proportion.
I'll tell you what's out of
proportion, 75 bucks an hour.
No wonder that Barbara's
all screwed up.
It's a miracle she can
afford those stupid hats!
Finally, men, I want you to go out there this
afternoon and forget about those TV cameras,
all those bowl scouts,
and all that hype.
You boys have worked hard.
I just want you to go out there this
afternoon, and let's have some fun.
What do you say?
(ALL CHEERING)
Fire it up. Fire it up.
Fire it up.
Great speech, Coach.
Yeah, thanks, Daub.
My God, Hayden.
What?
Your face.
Yeah, it's getting worse, isn't it?
Dad, you've got to calm down.
This is scary.
I'll be all right.
I'm fine. Thanks.
Don't you guys think that
maybe you're blowing this whole
television appearance
thing out of proportion?
No, I wish people would
quit saying that.
This thing is big, damn it.
I mean, everybody's been saying it
isn't, but it is.
This is the biggest moment
of our lives.
And please take off that hat,
Luther.
And it should be treated with the respect
and the seriousness that it deserves.
Hayden, are you ready?
We've got to fly.
Riley, what the hell
are you supposed to be?
I'm Batman.
You don't look
anything like Batman.
Well, Mrs. Pringle's arthritis
was acting up this week
and this was the best
she could do.
Riley, 20 million people are
going to be watching this game.
I mean, most of them have never
even heard of Minnesota State.
Is this is the impression
you want to leave them with?
My wife worked night and day
on this costume.
And I'm not going to break
that dear woman's heart.
Ready to go, Mr. Pringle?
Yes.
I'll see you on the field.
You look great,
by the way.
Thank you.
I don't even want
to play now.
Once the game starts
you'll be fine.
You think so?
I know so.
Now hold your face still
and give me a kiss.
Fine.
Good luck, Daddy.
Thanks, babe.
LUTHER: Come on. Let's go.
Dauber, wait a minute,
I need to talk to you in here.
Me, Coach?
Yeah. Luth, I'll meet you
in the tunnel.
Daub, I just can't go out like this.
I just can't do it.
You want me to
take over, Coach?
No, jeez, I'd have to be
in a full body twitch
before I'd
let you take over.
No, I want you to do that hypnotism
thing we talked about last week.
You want me
to put you under?
I need something.
Great. Go sit in your chair.
Now, Daub, if you put me under,
you can get me out, right?
You'll be able to
get yourself out.
When I hypnotize you,
I'm going to give you a word
that will let you put yourself
in a hypnotic state.
And then I'm gonna
give you another word
that will let you
bring yourself out of it.
You'll be in control, Coach.
I'm not going to be bumping into
walls or imitating dogs, am 1?
It's not a trance.
It's just a state
of relaxation.
What are you doing?
Just concentrate on this thumbtack
and the sound of my voice.
You're gonna feel sleepy
and very heavy.
How long will this take, Dauber?
Not that long.
Just let your body go limp
and your mind go blank.
Relax.
Listen only to the sound
of my voice.
Soon you're gonna be
falling into a deep sleep.
The only thing you're gonna
hear is the sound of my voice.
Relax.
Now, you are
completely relaxed.
The only thing you hear
is the sound of my voice.
I am now going to give you
a word that you can use
to put yourself into
this same restful state.
When you say the word...
snowblower
you will feel
completely relaxed
and feel no desire
to twitch.
Whenever you say the word
motorcycle
you will come
out of this state
and return to your
normal state of anxiety.
If this is clear, nod.
On the count of three,
I'm gonna snap my fingers
and you will wake up
feeling completely refreshed.
One, two, three.
How do you feel?
I feel okay.
Damn, it didn't work, Dauber.
Wait. You haven't put
yourself under.
Do you remember
the words I gave you?
Yeah. Snowblower.
How do you feel now?
Yeah, I feel okay.
I feel pretty good.
I'm not twitching, am 1?
Guys, the team's in the tunnel.
Everybody's waiting.
Yeah, we'll be there
in just a second, Luth.
This is gonna last the whole
game, right, Daub?
It will last until
you hear the word motorcycle.
Thank you very much,
Dauber.
Remember your words.
Snowblower.
And motorcycle.
Snowblower.
And motorcycle.
Snowblower.
And motorcycle.
Stop it, Dauber!
Snowblower.
Wow.
This is amazing.
I really feel...mellow.
Let's go kill 'em, Daub.
Yeah.
(WHISTLING)
DAUBER: Good efforts.
Good game, boys.
I can't believe we lost.
Luther, everybody in the country
thought we'd lose to Penn State.
I didn't.
Hey, it's not all that bad.
At least we'll get to watch the Coach
being interviewed by Keith Jackson.
Hey, that's right.
JACKSON: So there's your final score,
Penn State 31, Minnesota State 7.
But, Bob Griese,
not a bad outing for the Screaming Eagles.
If they'd have played 60 minutes,
they would have been right there.
I was impressed with the way the
Eagles played the entire ball game.
They had a couple of breakdowns in the second
half, a couple of interceptions,
a couple of special
team's breakdowns.
They could have been right in
this ball game right to the end.
We expect that Coach Hayden Fox will
be by to talk to us in a few minutes.
But it looks like this is the
kind of a game he can build on.
Well, you look at the things that
you do wrong and correct them.
You build on the things
that you did properly
and I think this ball club is gonna be
much improved in the next few ball games.
Here comes the coach right now.
Hey, Coach, congratulations.
Pretty good effort with the kids.
Yeah. thanks.
I wasn't sure
you'd make it up here.
I mean, it was a little
bit of a pressure cooker
for you today, huh?
Oh, I was awful nervous.
But it sure is great to see you guys
here, I'll tell you.
You got to be happy the way the kids played.
They were right in the hunt.
It was close up through
the third quarter.
Well, I was happy everybody
got there shoes on right.
That's how nervous we were.
You didn't need rocks
in the pockets.
You stayed right on the
ground the whole ball game.
Maybe with this effort you woke up
some of those short-armed alumni
from Minnesota State.
Yeah. f hope so. { hope so.
Congratulations.
It was a good effort.
Something you can
build on, Coach.
{ think so. know I'm
real proud of our boys.
It's really a pleasure meeting you two
fellows, Mr. Jackson and Mr. Griese.
We're happy to be here.
Good luck to you. He did all right.
All right, your final score was Penn State
31, Minnesota State 7.
This is Keith Jackson, Bob
Griese, from Lindheim Stadium.
We take you now to Monaco as we
pick up coverage of the Grand Prix
motorcycle championship.