Coach (1989–1997): Season 2, Episode 2 - Dauber's Got a Girl - full transcript
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
Hayden, you been outside
yet this morning?
Just got the paper.
You notice
anything special?
No. Can't say
1 did, Luth.
You didn't notice the frozen
field mouse on your front stoop?
This is the third day in a row
the temperature's below freezing.
You know what they say.
Frozen mice means frozen ice.
Oh, you mean
the lake's frozen?
I wouldn't have
these with me if it wasn't.
Hot dog!
We're going skating!
I love the first skate
of the season!
I'll get my stuff.
LUTHER: Okay, I'll see you out there.
(SINGING)
We're going skating
We're going skating
Ding dong, the mouse is dead
We're gonna hit the ice
We're going skating
We're going skating
(HAYDEN HUMMING)
Not frozen yet, huh?
Nope.
STACEY: All I'm saying,
Hayden, is
that this is the way
that injuries occur.
It's too cold to practice
outside today.
Oh, man, I hate like hell
to practice in the gym.
Well, you saw the field.
It's like an ice rink.
Yeah, well, don't
let Luther hear that.
Tell you what.
Just go down, tell the guys
I'll meet them in the gym.
I'll be there in just a
minute, all right?
You're not coming now?
No.
I've got a little problem to handle
with my scatterbrain daughter.
Don't talk to me
about daughters.
Did I tell you what my
daughter did this weekend?
No, and there really isn't
time right now, Stacey.
Right.
Hey, if you see Dauber,
would you tell him to get
these boxes out of here?
They've been in here since
yesterday, all right?
Gotcha.
Jeez, it's like a maze
getting through here.
So, Mrs. Thorkelson called
and said you wanted to see me.
Close the door,
will you?
Kelly, what do you do when
you get a parking ticket?
What do you mean?
When you get a parking ticket on
campus, what do you do with it?
What everybody else does.
I donate them
to the homecoming committee.
See, and then once a year,
they make this big float out of them.
It's really funny.
Whoever donates the most
gets to ride as queen.
Golly, well, Your Highness, I just got a call
this morning from the registrar's office.
Do you have any idea
how many tickets you have?
I don't count them, Dad.
Yeah, well, the university does.
And right now
they're up to 35.
You're kidding.
I'm going to be queen.
Kelly, you know they can suspend
you if you don't pay these tickets.
What, for parking on campus?
Dad, the only reason I get all those tickets
is because I go to class all the time.
Kelly, these amount
to more then $700.
That's ridiculous.
If I were you,
I wouldn't pay it.
Well, I'm not going
to pay it.
You're not?
Dad, they can suspend me.
You should've thought about that when
you were going to all those classes.
I can't believe you're
not going to help me.
Well, Kelly, giving you $700
is not going to help you
because you're not going
to learn anything from it.
You just turn around
and you do it again.
Dad you're talking to me like
I'm some irresponsible kid.
Now, look, how about if I
borrow the money from you
and I'll pay you back
when I'm a famous dancer?
I got a better idea. What about you get
a job and then you can pay me back now?
Where am I going
to find a job?
There's no work
for a dancer in Minnesota.
Then you can get
a job on campus.
Now according
to the registrar,
there's all kinds of job
opportunities
for convicted felons
like yourself.
I want you to go see
Mrs. Catalan, Room 406.
You're serious.
Yeah, and I'm really proud
of you for doing this.
Well, I'm only doing it
because you're making me.
Well, then I'm proud of me.
Hey, Kelly.
Would you move these
damn boxes, please?
What's her problem?
Well, forget her.
What's your problem?
Look, I told you
about these supplies,
and you haven't
done anything about it.
Now come on,
get going, bud.
Right. Sorry, Coach.
Yeah.
Dauber?
Yeah, Coach?
Where you going?
I was going
to get a haircut.
What about the supplies?
I mean,
what's the matter with you?
I mean, you act like
you're in a fog or something.
I do?
You still having that exhaust
problem with your van?
No, I mean it. You've been
falling down on the job here, bud.
It's been going on
for a while now. Come on.
Are you sick or something?
I'm not sick.
I'm in love.
With what?
With a girl.
And it's messing up my mind.
I got it bad, Coach.
I can't sleep, I can't
breathe, I can't eat as much.
Come on. That's great, Daub.
No, it isn't.
She doesn't even know
I'm alive.
I'm not in her league.
She's a goddess.
Whoa, a goddess.
Who is she?
I'd rather not tell you.
I don't want everybody
to tease me.
Come on,
nobody's going to tease you.
Well, maybe some of the guys on the team.
I mean, they're kids.
But none of the coaches
are going to tease you.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Dauber's got a girl.
Dauber's got a girl,
Dauber's got a girl.
Dauber who is she?
Come on.
I don't want to tell you.
You won't like her.
Yeah, we will.
We'll like her.
We like everybody you like.
We're not hard on people.
Are we Luther?
No. Who is it?
Hey, wait a minute.
Is it a cheerleader?
BOTH: Give me a D,
give me an A, give me an
give me a B.
Hey, Dauber!
Hey, come on, guys,
I really don't want to tell you.
Hey, melon head!
I got a bone to pick with you.
Have you ever heard
of knocking, Watkins?
You know,
it's where you use your knuckles.
That's those things that scrape
along the ground when you walk?
This isn't a social call,
Bigfoot.
Those players that you call a team
have come into my gym to practice
while my women
are still using it.
Let me explain the pecking order around
here, Coach Watkins.
Top priority is the football
team, okay?
After that comes men's basketball,
hockey, men's gymnastics,
baseball, kayaking, men's golf,
men's volleyball, men's table tennis,
all men's intramural sports.
And then anything men want to play, okay?
And then after that comes
girl's basketball.
It's freezing outside
and my guys need to practice.
Your guys need a lot of
practice, but not on my time.
Well, if you don't like it then
you can go to the administration.
Well, I don't need the administration
to fight my battles for me.
I'm taking you on, Hayden Fox.
This is war!
Ooh. I am shaking.
You're too dumb to know
how much trouble you're in.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're dumb and tall.
Slashed again by the rapier
wit of Coach Hayden Fox. Ouch.
God, I hate that woman.
What the hell does
rapier mean?
Sharp.
Pointed. To the heart.
What?
Oh, no, Dauber, not her.
Oh.
That's who you're in love with?
Judy Watkins?
Paula Bunyan?
Jeez, Daub. God!
I knew you guys
wouldn't like her.
HAYDEN: Gentlemen,
as a coaching staff,
I thought we did
a lousy job yesterday.
Now when we go back
in the gym this afternoon,
I want to see
some organization.
And I don't want to see anybody
climbing ropes or shooting hoops
or jumping on the trampoline.
And I don't want to see any of the
players doing it either, you know?
Hayden. Hayden,
we got a problem.
The girls have padlocked
the gym. We can't get in.
But I sent Dauber down there
to clear them out.
Look, they left this
on the door.
"We are women,
hear us roar."
What the hell
does this mean?
It's from a Helen Reddy song,
Hayden. It means...
Oh, Luther, shut up.
Damn that woman.
God darn that woman.
I mean, I explained the whole
pecking order to her yesterday.
It's like it doesn't
mean anything to her.
Maybe you should go
to administration.
I'm not going to go,
if she isn't.
I'm a bigger man
than she is.
Not by much
I'll tell you that.
COACH: You want us to take
the team out on the field?
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
Go ahead.
Let's just hope we can get something
done without anybody getting hurt.
Wait a minute,
now, let's just hold our heads up and
try to look sharp out there, all right?
I mean, if she wants to play
her little girl games,
let her go ahead
and play them alone.
We're the football team,
right? We don't play games.
Come on, we're men.
That's right.
We can rise above this.
Yeah, let's go, come on, let's go.
Hang back a second,
will you?
We're going to get this little
girlie right where she lives.
Great, I knew we wouldn't
rise above this.
What are we going to do?
I say we get even,
all right?
If she can ruin one of our
practices, we can ruin one of hers.
I say we sneak into
the equipment room tonight
and we let the air out
of the basketballs.
We can't do that.
She'll see us.
She hardly ever
leaves the building.
We'll find a way
to do that.
Don't you think
this is a great idea?
Yeah. I think it's real funny.
Funny?
Yeah. We're talking rapier wit
here, Luth.
Coach.
Huh?
Where the hell
have you been?
I thought you were going to run
those Amazons out of the gym.
I tried. I went up
to Coach Watkins
and I told her
you wanted her out of there.
She just said,
"Forget it."
What did you say?
I told her
she had a nice smile.
Oh, jeez, Dauber.
She does, Coach,
she just lights up.
Come on, Hayden.
It's not Dauber's fault.
You sticking up for him?
No.
Coach, I know how you feel
about Judy and I'm sorry if...
It's all right, Daub.
It's not your fault.
I'm not done yet.
While I was helping her
padlock the doors,
I did something I don't think
you're going to like very much.
You didn't write the note
did you, Daub?
No.
I asked her out on
a date. She said yes.
I think I'm about
the happiest man alive.
Well, you got me beat,
I know that.
Dauber, I don't know how you
could you do this to me?
You know, of all the women in this
school, why did you have to pick...
Wait a minute.
When you going on the date?
Tonight. Tonight.
You're going out tonight?
I was going to take
her out to dinner.
And then,
if it goes really well
and it seems like
she's in the mood,
I'm going take her
to a movie.
I know you guys think I'm worse than
the worst scum in all the 10,000 lakes
in Minnesota, but I got
to follow my heart.
You know, I admire you
for that, compadre.
You do?
You two just go out there tonight and you
have yourself one heck of a swell time.
You're a hard man to read,
Coach.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's okay.
My knees are never
where I think they are.
Hey, Daub, how you doing?
Doing pretty good, Nick.
Would you and the lovely lady like
to start with a drink before dinner?
I'll have a glass of white wine.
Great.
I'll just have my usual.
You must come here a lot.
Yeah.
We have a coaches' dinner
here every Wednesday,
and then we usually eat here
after the games.
Have you ever been here?
No, this is
Hayden's hangout.
And I enjoy a meal so much
more when it stays down.
I wish you could know Hayden
the way I know him.
Everybody thinks he's this loudmouth,
obnoxious, kind of self-centered guy,
but he's also a guy
who always thinks he's right,
and that's what makes
him a wonderful friend.
You want to run that around
the track one more time?
Once you're his friend,
no matter what you do,
he'll stick with you
just to prove he's not wrong.
That kind of loyalty
is rare.
So is that kind of logic.
Thanks.
Well, now that we're getting
to know each other better,
I need to know if you're
okay with a couple of things.
First there's
the age thing.
I'm 26 and I know
you're 28.
And I wondered if you
have a problem with that?
I don't think so.
Good, okay.
Also, I'm the lowest coach
on the football team,
and you're the highest coach
on the basketball team,
and I wondered if you had
a problem with that?
Even though coach says since I'm
the lowest coach on a man's team,
and you're the highest coach on awoman's
team, then we're about equal.
What do you think?
I think Coach Fox is an idiot.
I know.
I meant, what do you think
about what I just said?
I think all that
doesn't matter.
All that matters is that
we have similar interests
and that you stay five inches
taller than me.
So far so good.
Now the big one.
I don't think I could live overseas
for an extended period of time.
I don't have a problem
with that either.
Great!
Well, now you know me.
So how about you?
Well, let's see.
I'm from Atlanta.
I've heard nothing but
good things about Atlanta.
I'm sorry they burned it
during the Civil War.
Well, it's all fixed up now.
Good.
Here you go.
Ready to order?
I think we'll just enjoy
our drinks for a minute.
Just let me know
when you're ready.
You know, I'm used to
working every night,
and it's real nice
to be here with you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Here's to the first of what I hope will
be thousands and thousands of dates.
Coach Watkins,
I'm sorry to bother you,
but this is
sort of an emergency.
See, someone just broke into the
equipment room and deflated all the balls.
What?
Well, I went to lock up and they
were all just laying there flat.
Oh, and they left this
on the door.
"We are men,
hear us laugh.”
What does that mean?
It's a takeoff on a Helen Reddy song.
Oh, shut up, Ann.
He knows exactly what
it means. You set me up.
What are you talking about?
You asked me out just so Hayden Fox and
his goons could pull this little prank.
No, I didn't know.
I didn't know anything about this. I swear.
Oh, don't give me that. And I was naive
enough to think you were different.
No, I am different.
Everybody says so.
I don't ever want to see
your lying face again.
Judy, wait.
All right, go ahead.
LUTHER: I loved the look
on that girl's face tonight
when she walked into
the equipment room.
I wish we could've stuck
around to see Watkins' face.
You want to see Watkins' face?
You look up "camel” in the dictionary.
Tell you something, we're going
to have to be on our guard though.
She's so childish,
she's going to want to get back at us.
Yeah, she won't know how
to let this thing go.
I'd better go and put a couple of extra
padlocks on our equipment room door
just to be on the safe side.
Good idea.
Hey, Luth, bounce pass.
Hey, Kelly, what you doing?
Paying my debt to society.
You doing what?
I'm working to pay off
some parking tickets.
My father wants
to see me suffer.
That's nice.
Good night.
Kelly, you want to
come in here a second?
Yeah?
This the only job you could
get, being a night janitor?
Well, it's the one
that paid the most.
And as good a lesson
as I'm learning,
I didn't want to have to learn
it any longer than necessary.
And I suppose this is the only
building that you had to choose from?
Or is this just a plan to make
your dad feel guilty?
What, just because you're making
your daughter work as a night janitor
when her dream is to dance?
Why would that
make you feel guilty?
Hey, make sure you get the one
out in the hall, too, will you?
Oh, jeez, Daub!
I just mopped there.
Hey, Dauber, what are you doing here?
I thought you had a date tonight.
1 did.
I've got to talk
to you, Coach.
I heard what you guys did tonight
to the girl's basketballs.
It's real funny and everything,
but Judy thinks I was in on it.
What?
She thinks the only reason
I asked her out
was to get her away from here so you
guys could get into the equipment room.
She threw milk
in my face, Coach.
That hasn't happened
since I was a sophomore.
Ah, jeez,
talk about paranoia.
Hey, she should know you wouldn't have
anything to do with something like that.
I know. I tried to tell her
it was just a coincidence,
but she wouldn't believe me.
It was either a coincidence
or you used me and I know
you wouldn't do that.
Right.
Sol need you to do me
a favor, Coach.
I need you to
go talk to her.
Me? Well, you're the only
one that knows the truth.
Oh, gee, Daub, I don't want
to talk to that kangaroo.
She's always
calling me names.
I'd talk to her if ll
thought it would do any good,
but she doesn't believe me.
She hates me.
I know, but right now
she hates me even more.
She thinks
I betrayed her.
She just thinks
you're an idiot.
Her words. What do you
say, Coach? Will you do it?
Oh, jeez, Daub, I'd rather swim after
a heavy meal than talk to that...
Hey, why don't you send her some flowers
or a nice pair of low-heel shoes, huh?
I think the only thing right now
that's going to make a difference
is you talking to her.
You know, Coach, there's only so many
girls that come along in your lifetime
who are special and who you can
relate to and who are 6" 1".
I know this is a hard
thing for you, Coach,
but I know you can do it
because you're the best.
Oh, gee, Daub, all right.
I'll get her back for you.
I think she's
in the equipment room.
You want me to
talk to her tonight?
Ah, jeez.
Hey, high pockets!
Listen,
we have to talk.
1 will not listen to anything
that comes out of your mouth
unless it's preceded
by an apology.
Yeah, well, it's about...
Not unless it's an apology.
Hey, look, it's about...
Apologize.
Hey, look, come on.
Sorry.
That's better.
I'm sorry
you're such a moron.
(BLOWING)
Cut it out!
Then apologize like a human being!
Or as close as you can get.
Sorry.
That was beautiful.
Now can I say what I came to say?
You're dog spit.
Yeah, well, you're a loon
neck so enough chit chat.
I want to tell you something, you know,
Dauber had nothing to do with this.
It was all my idea.
He's completely innocent.
Oh, I really believe that.
Yeah, well would I be down here sharing
oxygen with you if I didn't have to?
Now, look, if you don't believe
me, just go down to the team room,
he's down there.
He's like a pool of mush.
I mean, the guy is
crazy about you.
Hey, don't get too flattered,
you know.
He's also been
in college for eight years.
He really didn't
know anything?
Yeah, I swear.
Now would you stop blaming
him and just date him again?
Hey, I'd like to do that
very much,
but I think it's going to be awfully
hard for Michael and me to date
when you and I are at war.
Michael?
That's his real name,
bonehead.
Oh, yeah?
Well, his friends call him Dauber.
And can we stop
the name calling here, Judy?
I'd like us to stop
all of this.
Fine.
So, how would we do that?
You could move
to another school.
Or you could have another
season like you did last year,
and then you could move.
I can't talk to you.
I don't even know why I try.
Look, I'm willing to try to put
an end to this petty fighting
and handle our differences
like two mature adults.
Do you think
you could do that?
I can if you can.
Good.
We'll figure out a schedule
so that we can both use
the gym when we have to,
and we'll try to avoid each
other as much as possible.
Well, I like that part of it.
Then I say we call a truce.
All right, truce.
I'll just go tell Daub
the good news.
Jerk!
(HAYDEN LAUGHING)
Well?
It's all settled.
Yeah?
Yeah, she wants to go
out with you again.
All right, Coach,
I knew you could do it.
Well, the way's clear for
you to ruin your life, Daub.
Great! Is she still
in the equipment room?
Yeah, yeah.
If you catch her,
you can still have dinner.
I owe you one, Coach.
Hey, Daub. Daub.
You should also know
that the war is over.
It is?
Yeah.
I had a talk with her
and I convinced her
that for the good of the school
and benefit of young people,
that we should forget
these little childish pranks
and start behaving
like human beings.
I think that's great.
Way to go, Coach. Thanks, man.
(BELL TINKLING)
Dauber!
(MOOING)
but he's donating a lot more
than his honorarium.
What's he giving you?
A mini-van!
A what?
Well, I read in the paper where
the Sisters' car had been stolen,
so I figured if the Lord smiled on
me, I'd smile on them.
That is so
incredibly generous.
That's what
I was trying to be.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to the 34th Annual
Minnesota State Sports Awards Banquet.
I think you're in
for a dandy time tonight.
We have
a delicious dinner planned,
followed by the presentation
of the awards.
But right now, I see our waiters are
bringing out the Polynesian fruit cups,
and as they do, I want you all
to sit back, relax
and enjoy, as you do every
year, the musical magic
of our own Riley Pringle and his
band, The Life of Riley.
Maestro!
One, two...
You know, Gordon,
you really epitomize
the spirit of the Inspirational
Player of the Year Award.
I think we were all
deeply concerned this spring
when you were
struck by lightning
during the NCAA
Golf Championship.
It was a near tragic incident,
and it was amazing enough that you survived.
But to come back
and rejoin the team
and play as you have this past year
has been nothing short of a miracle.
Congratulations, Gordon, and thank you
for being an inspiration to all of us.
Thank you, Mr. Burleigh.
The next award
is the Spirit Award.
This is given to the person
who most exemplifies
the spirit
of the Screaming Eagle,
both on and off the field.
Traditionally, this award
is given to a student athlete.
But this year, the committee
has seen fit
to bestow this honor
on a non-athlete.
They felt that no one
better exemplified
the fighting spirit
and the soaring pride
of the Minnesota State
Screaming Eagle,
than our own band director,
Mr. Riley Pringle!
Oh, my.
Oh, my God.
Um...
Uh...
(STUTTERING) I don't know what to say.
I'm completely unprepared.
Uh...
You know
what this award means?
It means you like me.
You really like me.
What a muldoon.
And now, for the award
we've all been waiting for.
The Curley O'Brien Award
is the highest athletic honor
Minnesota State University can bestow.
Each year, this special award
goes to the coach
who sets the highest standards
of leadership, of courage,
of dedication and of success for
his team and the entire university.
This year's recipient,
whose name I hold in this sealed envelope,
has been chosen
by the selection committee
because he best represented the spirit of
sportsmanship, inspired by Curley O'Brien.
We are proud to present this
year's award to a man so deserving.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this year's Curley
O'Brien Award winner is...
Judy Watkins, coach of
the women's basketball team.
(FORCED LAUGHTER)
Yes! Yes!
Uh-huh!
Yes! Okay!
Congratulations, Judy.
You had an outstanding season.
Thank you, Mr. Burleigh.
You're the first woman ever to
receive the Curley O'Brien Award.
In fact, I didn't even know
that was possible.
1, too,
am unprepared for this.
I've only been
at Minnesota State a year,
so I'm not all that familiar
with Curley O'Brien.
In fact, I didn't even know this award
existed until a couple of days ago
when Coach Fox invited me to sit
at his table for tonight's banquet.
My lack of familiarity
should in no way be interpreted
as a lack of appreciation.
I understand the huge
significance of this award,
and I just... l hope I can continue to
live up to the high set of standards
that Mr. O'Brien set.
Thank you.
Everybody!
Are you all right?
Oh, I'm fine. Fine.
You know, the best man won.
That's what this award is all about.
I'm happy for her.
I really feel terrible about
this, Hayden. Why?
I wasn't counting on winning.
You know me, I just take life as it
comes, Luther. Here it comes.
Hey, congratulations, Judy.
Thank you, Hayden.
I'm sorry.
Sorry? What is everybody
so sorry about?
Come on, this is a
celebration, let's celebrate.
Hey, everybody...
Everybody at the banquet,
could you just please
shut up for a minute?
I just want to tell you
how proud I am of Judy,
and the fine, strong women
that she leads.
I mean, I think it's great.
Riley, just play a celebration
song for Judy, would you?
And champagne for everybody.
Come on, now.
Come on.
(BAND PLAYING)
There she is.
Huh?
This is really big of you,
Hayden.
And don't you worry, Sisters,
I'm gonna get you that mini-van, plus.
Christine, would you just make
sure everybody gets champagne,
'cause I'm going to just
go to the men's room.
I'll be right back.
Be right back, everybody.
Go ahead.
Right back.
Right back
for you, too, okay?
Congratulations, honey.
Thank you.
God, what a surprise.
Especially for Hayden.
I can't believe the way he's taking this.
Neither can ll. I thought he'd
blow right through the rafters.
How do you think
he's taking it?
Well, I think he's trying to be
magnanimous, be a good sport.
He's not coming back,
is he?
I don't think so.
Hayden?
Hayden?
Hi.
Hi.
I would have come sooner,
but I thought you might
need some time alone.
Yeah, that's probably smart.
Actually, I've cheered up
considerably.
I, uh, I saw
you took down the party.
Yeah, well, it seemed kind of silly
to have the decorations up now.
What did you do with them?
I folded everything up
and threw it in the lake.
You threw all the decorations
in the lake?
Um-hmm.
What about the champagne
and all the food?
In the lake.
The sterling silver
punch bowl?
The lake.
The cake?
Lake.
Oh, Hayden, I'm sorry.
Why?
It was
the logical thing to do.
I've thrown my life away.
Might as well throw the party away.
What do you mean,
you've thrown your life away?
I mean, I've thrown away
everything in my life for coaching.
I threw away a marriage for coaching.
I threw away being a father for coaching.
I threw away having family and
friends and a home for coaching.
Nothing left.
You have me.
How long can that last?
You know, everything in my
life that matters to me,
I've put on the line
for this job.
And the only thing that I've ever
asked, is that I get some recognition.
You know, winning
the Curley O'Brien Award
would have said, "Hey, man,
the sacrifices were worth it."
When Judy got the award,
it was just like saying,
"Well, my whole life was just
this great waste of time."
Oh, Hayden.
Now I gotta buy a van for a bunch of nuns.
I'm not even Catholic.
Hayden, your life
is not a waste of time.
It's expensive, because you
throw so much of it in the lake,
but it's not a waste.
You...
You can't measure your life
by how many awards you win.
You measure your life by the impact
you have on people around you.
Christine,
I annoy the people around me.
Sometimes.
But you also motivate them,
you teach them, you inspire them.
Do you really think so?
I really do.
Then why couldn't they have
given me an award for that?
I think you've ended up with a lot more
in your life than you think you have.
Your friends
are proof of that.
Oh, Christine, ...
I don't think
I have any friends.
Then who are
all the people outside?
What?
I didn't come here
by myself, Hayden.
Who's out there?
Everybody.
Kelly, Stuart, Luther,
Dauber, Judy, Howard,
Mrs. Thorkelson,
Riley Pringle, the nuns.
You mean they drove all the way out
here just to make me feel better?
Yes.
Huh.
If 1 won
the Curley O'Brien Award,
I might never have
known that, huh?
That's true.
I still wish I had it.
I know you do.
Oh, gosh.
Well, come on now.
They drove all the way out here
just to make me feel better.
I think I better go out there
and give them what they came for.
Better get your shoes.
Shoes are in the lake.
Well, thanks, everybody.
I'd offer you some champagne,
but I seem to be out at the moment.
Hayden, we all
just wanted to say that...
(STAMMERING)
Well, I don't know
exactly what we wanted to say,
except, well,
you're a great guy
and if there's ever a Hayden Fox
award, we think it should go to you.
Dad, I am so glad we didn't
go to Chicago tonight.
Yeah, me, too,
sweetheart.
Does that include me?
Sure, what the hell.
Hayden, this probably
doesn't mean very much to you,
nothing I say ever does,
but I feel that the band would
be nothing without the team.
And without the good-natured
competition between us,
I might never have won
the Spirit Award.
So this is for both of us.
Well, then, can I have it?
Uh, well, uh...
It's a joke, Riley.
Oh, you...
He got me again.
I know
it's been a rough night,
but I've got to tell you,
if there's one person
who feels worse than you
do, it's Howard Burleigh.
Why is that?
He was the one telling everyone
how you were a shoo-in.
He feels responsible.
Gee, I never even
thought of that.
Poor Mr. Burleigh.
He's standing down on the dock right now,
just staring at the water.
Oh, maybe I ought to
go down and see him.
Hey, well, thanks for coming,
everybody.
That was really sweet of you.
Christine, would you see if
anybody would like anything?
I think I've got
some soda and corn left.
I'm just going to
go down and...
I just...
I'll take care of Howard.
I've got to hand it to Coach.
He's taken this like a champ.
That's one thing people
don't understand about Dad.
I know he acts
like a maniac sometimes,
but underneath it all,
he's really a kind, caring person.
(HOWARD SCREAMING)
(SPLASHING)
What was that?
That's Howard.
Hayden just threw him in the lake.
filmed before a studio audience.
Hayden, you been outside
yet this morning?
Just got the paper.
You notice
anything special?
No. Can't say
1 did, Luth.
You didn't notice the frozen
field mouse on your front stoop?
This is the third day in a row
the temperature's below freezing.
You know what they say.
Frozen mice means frozen ice.
Oh, you mean
the lake's frozen?
I wouldn't have
these with me if it wasn't.
Hot dog!
We're going skating!
I love the first skate
of the season!
I'll get my stuff.
LUTHER: Okay, I'll see you out there.
(SINGING)
We're going skating
We're going skating
Ding dong, the mouse is dead
We're gonna hit the ice
We're going skating
We're going skating
(HAYDEN HUMMING)
Not frozen yet, huh?
Nope.
STACEY: All I'm saying,
Hayden, is
that this is the way
that injuries occur.
It's too cold to practice
outside today.
Oh, man, I hate like hell
to practice in the gym.
Well, you saw the field.
It's like an ice rink.
Yeah, well, don't
let Luther hear that.
Tell you what.
Just go down, tell the guys
I'll meet them in the gym.
I'll be there in just a
minute, all right?
You're not coming now?
No.
I've got a little problem to handle
with my scatterbrain daughter.
Don't talk to me
about daughters.
Did I tell you what my
daughter did this weekend?
No, and there really isn't
time right now, Stacey.
Right.
Hey, if you see Dauber,
would you tell him to get
these boxes out of here?
They've been in here since
yesterday, all right?
Gotcha.
Jeez, it's like a maze
getting through here.
So, Mrs. Thorkelson called
and said you wanted to see me.
Close the door,
will you?
Kelly, what do you do when
you get a parking ticket?
What do you mean?
When you get a parking ticket on
campus, what do you do with it?
What everybody else does.
I donate them
to the homecoming committee.
See, and then once a year,
they make this big float out of them.
It's really funny.
Whoever donates the most
gets to ride as queen.
Golly, well, Your Highness, I just got a call
this morning from the registrar's office.
Do you have any idea
how many tickets you have?
I don't count them, Dad.
Yeah, well, the university does.
And right now
they're up to 35.
You're kidding.
I'm going to be queen.
Kelly, you know they can suspend
you if you don't pay these tickets.
What, for parking on campus?
Dad, the only reason I get all those tickets
is because I go to class all the time.
Kelly, these amount
to more then $700.
That's ridiculous.
If I were you,
I wouldn't pay it.
Well, I'm not going
to pay it.
You're not?
Dad, they can suspend me.
You should've thought about that when
you were going to all those classes.
I can't believe you're
not going to help me.
Well, Kelly, giving you $700
is not going to help you
because you're not going
to learn anything from it.
You just turn around
and you do it again.
Dad you're talking to me like
I'm some irresponsible kid.
Now, look, how about if I
borrow the money from you
and I'll pay you back
when I'm a famous dancer?
I got a better idea. What about you get
a job and then you can pay me back now?
Where am I going
to find a job?
There's no work
for a dancer in Minnesota.
Then you can get
a job on campus.
Now according
to the registrar,
there's all kinds of job
opportunities
for convicted felons
like yourself.
I want you to go see
Mrs. Catalan, Room 406.
You're serious.
Yeah, and I'm really proud
of you for doing this.
Well, I'm only doing it
because you're making me.
Well, then I'm proud of me.
Hey, Kelly.
Would you move these
damn boxes, please?
What's her problem?
Well, forget her.
What's your problem?
Look, I told you
about these supplies,
and you haven't
done anything about it.
Now come on,
get going, bud.
Right. Sorry, Coach.
Yeah.
Dauber?
Yeah, Coach?
Where you going?
I was going
to get a haircut.
What about the supplies?
I mean,
what's the matter with you?
I mean, you act like
you're in a fog or something.
I do?
You still having that exhaust
problem with your van?
No, I mean it. You've been
falling down on the job here, bud.
It's been going on
for a while now. Come on.
Are you sick or something?
I'm not sick.
I'm in love.
With what?
With a girl.
And it's messing up my mind.
I got it bad, Coach.
I can't sleep, I can't
breathe, I can't eat as much.
Come on. That's great, Daub.
No, it isn't.
She doesn't even know
I'm alive.
I'm not in her league.
She's a goddess.
Whoa, a goddess.
Who is she?
I'd rather not tell you.
I don't want everybody
to tease me.
Come on,
nobody's going to tease you.
Well, maybe some of the guys on the team.
I mean, they're kids.
But none of the coaches
are going to tease you.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Dauber's got a girl.
Dauber's got a girl,
Dauber's got a girl.
Dauber who is she?
Come on.
I don't want to tell you.
You won't like her.
Yeah, we will.
We'll like her.
We like everybody you like.
We're not hard on people.
Are we Luther?
No. Who is it?
Hey, wait a minute.
Is it a cheerleader?
BOTH: Give me a D,
give me an A, give me an
give me a B.
Hey, Dauber!
Hey, come on, guys,
I really don't want to tell you.
Hey, melon head!
I got a bone to pick with you.
Have you ever heard
of knocking, Watkins?
You know,
it's where you use your knuckles.
That's those things that scrape
along the ground when you walk?
This isn't a social call,
Bigfoot.
Those players that you call a team
have come into my gym to practice
while my women
are still using it.
Let me explain the pecking order around
here, Coach Watkins.
Top priority is the football
team, okay?
After that comes men's basketball,
hockey, men's gymnastics,
baseball, kayaking, men's golf,
men's volleyball, men's table tennis,
all men's intramural sports.
And then anything men want to play, okay?
And then after that comes
girl's basketball.
It's freezing outside
and my guys need to practice.
Your guys need a lot of
practice, but not on my time.
Well, if you don't like it then
you can go to the administration.
Well, I don't need the administration
to fight my battles for me.
I'm taking you on, Hayden Fox.
This is war!
Ooh. I am shaking.
You're too dumb to know
how much trouble you're in.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're dumb and tall.
Slashed again by the rapier
wit of Coach Hayden Fox. Ouch.
God, I hate that woman.
What the hell does
rapier mean?
Sharp.
Pointed. To the heart.
What?
Oh, no, Dauber, not her.
Oh.
That's who you're in love with?
Judy Watkins?
Paula Bunyan?
Jeez, Daub. God!
I knew you guys
wouldn't like her.
HAYDEN: Gentlemen,
as a coaching staff,
I thought we did
a lousy job yesterday.
Now when we go back
in the gym this afternoon,
I want to see
some organization.
And I don't want to see anybody
climbing ropes or shooting hoops
or jumping on the trampoline.
And I don't want to see any of the
players doing it either, you know?
Hayden. Hayden,
we got a problem.
The girls have padlocked
the gym. We can't get in.
But I sent Dauber down there
to clear them out.
Look, they left this
on the door.
"We are women,
hear us roar."
What the hell
does this mean?
It's from a Helen Reddy song,
Hayden. It means...
Oh, Luther, shut up.
Damn that woman.
God darn that woman.
I mean, I explained the whole
pecking order to her yesterday.
It's like it doesn't
mean anything to her.
Maybe you should go
to administration.
I'm not going to go,
if she isn't.
I'm a bigger man
than she is.
Not by much
I'll tell you that.
COACH: You want us to take
the team out on the field?
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
Go ahead.
Let's just hope we can get something
done without anybody getting hurt.
Wait a minute,
now, let's just hold our heads up and
try to look sharp out there, all right?
I mean, if she wants to play
her little girl games,
let her go ahead
and play them alone.
We're the football team,
right? We don't play games.
Come on, we're men.
That's right.
We can rise above this.
Yeah, let's go, come on, let's go.
Hang back a second,
will you?
We're going to get this little
girlie right where she lives.
Great, I knew we wouldn't
rise above this.
What are we going to do?
I say we get even,
all right?
If she can ruin one of our
practices, we can ruin one of hers.
I say we sneak into
the equipment room tonight
and we let the air out
of the basketballs.
We can't do that.
She'll see us.
She hardly ever
leaves the building.
We'll find a way
to do that.
Don't you think
this is a great idea?
Yeah. I think it's real funny.
Funny?
Yeah. We're talking rapier wit
here, Luth.
Coach.
Huh?
Where the hell
have you been?
I thought you were going to run
those Amazons out of the gym.
I tried. I went up
to Coach Watkins
and I told her
you wanted her out of there.
She just said,
"Forget it."
What did you say?
I told her
she had a nice smile.
Oh, jeez, Dauber.
She does, Coach,
she just lights up.
Come on, Hayden.
It's not Dauber's fault.
You sticking up for him?
No.
Coach, I know how you feel
about Judy and I'm sorry if...
It's all right, Daub.
It's not your fault.
I'm not done yet.
While I was helping her
padlock the doors,
I did something I don't think
you're going to like very much.
You didn't write the note
did you, Daub?
No.
I asked her out on
a date. She said yes.
I think I'm about
the happiest man alive.
Well, you got me beat,
I know that.
Dauber, I don't know how you
could you do this to me?
You know, of all the women in this
school, why did you have to pick...
Wait a minute.
When you going on the date?
Tonight. Tonight.
You're going out tonight?
I was going to take
her out to dinner.
And then,
if it goes really well
and it seems like
she's in the mood,
I'm going take her
to a movie.
I know you guys think I'm worse than
the worst scum in all the 10,000 lakes
in Minnesota, but I got
to follow my heart.
You know, I admire you
for that, compadre.
You do?
You two just go out there tonight and you
have yourself one heck of a swell time.
You're a hard man to read,
Coach.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's okay.
My knees are never
where I think they are.
Hey, Daub, how you doing?
Doing pretty good, Nick.
Would you and the lovely lady like
to start with a drink before dinner?
I'll have a glass of white wine.
Great.
I'll just have my usual.
You must come here a lot.
Yeah.
We have a coaches' dinner
here every Wednesday,
and then we usually eat here
after the games.
Have you ever been here?
No, this is
Hayden's hangout.
And I enjoy a meal so much
more when it stays down.
I wish you could know Hayden
the way I know him.
Everybody thinks he's this loudmouth,
obnoxious, kind of self-centered guy,
but he's also a guy
who always thinks he's right,
and that's what makes
him a wonderful friend.
You want to run that around
the track one more time?
Once you're his friend,
no matter what you do,
he'll stick with you
just to prove he's not wrong.
That kind of loyalty
is rare.
So is that kind of logic.
Thanks.
Well, now that we're getting
to know each other better,
I need to know if you're
okay with a couple of things.
First there's
the age thing.
I'm 26 and I know
you're 28.
And I wondered if you
have a problem with that?
I don't think so.
Good, okay.
Also, I'm the lowest coach
on the football team,
and you're the highest coach
on the basketball team,
and I wondered if you had
a problem with that?
Even though coach says since I'm
the lowest coach on a man's team,
and you're the highest coach on awoman's
team, then we're about equal.
What do you think?
I think Coach Fox is an idiot.
I know.
I meant, what do you think
about what I just said?
I think all that
doesn't matter.
All that matters is that
we have similar interests
and that you stay five inches
taller than me.
So far so good.
Now the big one.
I don't think I could live overseas
for an extended period of time.
I don't have a problem
with that either.
Great!
Well, now you know me.
So how about you?
Well, let's see.
I'm from Atlanta.
I've heard nothing but
good things about Atlanta.
I'm sorry they burned it
during the Civil War.
Well, it's all fixed up now.
Good.
Here you go.
Ready to order?
I think we'll just enjoy
our drinks for a minute.
Just let me know
when you're ready.
You know, I'm used to
working every night,
and it's real nice
to be here with you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Here's to the first of what I hope will
be thousands and thousands of dates.
Coach Watkins,
I'm sorry to bother you,
but this is
sort of an emergency.
See, someone just broke into the
equipment room and deflated all the balls.
What?
Well, I went to lock up and they
were all just laying there flat.
Oh, and they left this
on the door.
"We are men,
hear us laugh.”
What does that mean?
It's a takeoff on a Helen Reddy song.
Oh, shut up, Ann.
He knows exactly what
it means. You set me up.
What are you talking about?
You asked me out just so Hayden Fox and
his goons could pull this little prank.
No, I didn't know.
I didn't know anything about this. I swear.
Oh, don't give me that. And I was naive
enough to think you were different.
No, I am different.
Everybody says so.
I don't ever want to see
your lying face again.
Judy, wait.
All right, go ahead.
LUTHER: I loved the look
on that girl's face tonight
when she walked into
the equipment room.
I wish we could've stuck
around to see Watkins' face.
You want to see Watkins' face?
You look up "camel” in the dictionary.
Tell you something, we're going
to have to be on our guard though.
She's so childish,
she's going to want to get back at us.
Yeah, she won't know how
to let this thing go.
I'd better go and put a couple of extra
padlocks on our equipment room door
just to be on the safe side.
Good idea.
Hey, Luth, bounce pass.
Hey, Kelly, what you doing?
Paying my debt to society.
You doing what?
I'm working to pay off
some parking tickets.
My father wants
to see me suffer.
That's nice.
Good night.
Kelly, you want to
come in here a second?
Yeah?
This the only job you could
get, being a night janitor?
Well, it's the one
that paid the most.
And as good a lesson
as I'm learning,
I didn't want to have to learn
it any longer than necessary.
And I suppose this is the only
building that you had to choose from?
Or is this just a plan to make
your dad feel guilty?
What, just because you're making
your daughter work as a night janitor
when her dream is to dance?
Why would that
make you feel guilty?
Hey, make sure you get the one
out in the hall, too, will you?
Oh, jeez, Daub!
I just mopped there.
Hey, Dauber, what are you doing here?
I thought you had a date tonight.
1 did.
I've got to talk
to you, Coach.
I heard what you guys did tonight
to the girl's basketballs.
It's real funny and everything,
but Judy thinks I was in on it.
What?
She thinks the only reason
I asked her out
was to get her away from here so you
guys could get into the equipment room.
She threw milk
in my face, Coach.
That hasn't happened
since I was a sophomore.
Ah, jeez,
talk about paranoia.
Hey, she should know you wouldn't have
anything to do with something like that.
I know. I tried to tell her
it was just a coincidence,
but she wouldn't believe me.
It was either a coincidence
or you used me and I know
you wouldn't do that.
Right.
Sol need you to do me
a favor, Coach.
I need you to
go talk to her.
Me? Well, you're the only
one that knows the truth.
Oh, gee, Daub, I don't want
to talk to that kangaroo.
She's always
calling me names.
I'd talk to her if ll
thought it would do any good,
but she doesn't believe me.
She hates me.
I know, but right now
she hates me even more.
She thinks
I betrayed her.
She just thinks
you're an idiot.
Her words. What do you
say, Coach? Will you do it?
Oh, jeez, Daub, I'd rather swim after
a heavy meal than talk to that...
Hey, why don't you send her some flowers
or a nice pair of low-heel shoes, huh?
I think the only thing right now
that's going to make a difference
is you talking to her.
You know, Coach, there's only so many
girls that come along in your lifetime
who are special and who you can
relate to and who are 6" 1".
I know this is a hard
thing for you, Coach,
but I know you can do it
because you're the best.
Oh, gee, Daub, all right.
I'll get her back for you.
I think she's
in the equipment room.
You want me to
talk to her tonight?
Ah, jeez.
Hey, high pockets!
Listen,
we have to talk.
1 will not listen to anything
that comes out of your mouth
unless it's preceded
by an apology.
Yeah, well, it's about...
Not unless it's an apology.
Hey, look, it's about...
Apologize.
Hey, look, come on.
Sorry.
That's better.
I'm sorry
you're such a moron.
(BLOWING)
Cut it out!
Then apologize like a human being!
Or as close as you can get.
Sorry.
That was beautiful.
Now can I say what I came to say?
You're dog spit.
Yeah, well, you're a loon
neck so enough chit chat.
I want to tell you something, you know,
Dauber had nothing to do with this.
It was all my idea.
He's completely innocent.
Oh, I really believe that.
Yeah, well would I be down here sharing
oxygen with you if I didn't have to?
Now, look, if you don't believe
me, just go down to the team room,
he's down there.
He's like a pool of mush.
I mean, the guy is
crazy about you.
Hey, don't get too flattered,
you know.
He's also been
in college for eight years.
He really didn't
know anything?
Yeah, I swear.
Now would you stop blaming
him and just date him again?
Hey, I'd like to do that
very much,
but I think it's going to be awfully
hard for Michael and me to date
when you and I are at war.
Michael?
That's his real name,
bonehead.
Oh, yeah?
Well, his friends call him Dauber.
And can we stop
the name calling here, Judy?
I'd like us to stop
all of this.
Fine.
So, how would we do that?
You could move
to another school.
Or you could have another
season like you did last year,
and then you could move.
I can't talk to you.
I don't even know why I try.
Look, I'm willing to try to put
an end to this petty fighting
and handle our differences
like two mature adults.
Do you think
you could do that?
I can if you can.
Good.
We'll figure out a schedule
so that we can both use
the gym when we have to,
and we'll try to avoid each
other as much as possible.
Well, I like that part of it.
Then I say we call a truce.
All right, truce.
I'll just go tell Daub
the good news.
Jerk!
(HAYDEN LAUGHING)
Well?
It's all settled.
Yeah?
Yeah, she wants to go
out with you again.
All right, Coach,
I knew you could do it.
Well, the way's clear for
you to ruin your life, Daub.
Great! Is she still
in the equipment room?
Yeah, yeah.
If you catch her,
you can still have dinner.
I owe you one, Coach.
Hey, Daub. Daub.
You should also know
that the war is over.
It is?
Yeah.
I had a talk with her
and I convinced her
that for the good of the school
and benefit of young people,
that we should forget
these little childish pranks
and start behaving
like human beings.
I think that's great.
Way to go, Coach. Thanks, man.
(BELL TINKLING)
Dauber!
(MOOING)
but he's donating a lot more
than his honorarium.
What's he giving you?
A mini-van!
A what?
Well, I read in the paper where
the Sisters' car had been stolen,
so I figured if the Lord smiled on
me, I'd smile on them.
That is so
incredibly generous.
That's what
I was trying to be.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to the 34th Annual
Minnesota State Sports Awards Banquet.
I think you're in
for a dandy time tonight.
We have
a delicious dinner planned,
followed by the presentation
of the awards.
But right now, I see our waiters are
bringing out the Polynesian fruit cups,
and as they do, I want you all
to sit back, relax
and enjoy, as you do every
year, the musical magic
of our own Riley Pringle and his
band, The Life of Riley.
Maestro!
One, two...
You know, Gordon,
you really epitomize
the spirit of the Inspirational
Player of the Year Award.
I think we were all
deeply concerned this spring
when you were
struck by lightning
during the NCAA
Golf Championship.
It was a near tragic incident,
and it was amazing enough that you survived.
But to come back
and rejoin the team
and play as you have this past year
has been nothing short of a miracle.
Congratulations, Gordon, and thank you
for being an inspiration to all of us.
Thank you, Mr. Burleigh.
The next award
is the Spirit Award.
This is given to the person
who most exemplifies
the spirit
of the Screaming Eagle,
both on and off the field.
Traditionally, this award
is given to a student athlete.
But this year, the committee
has seen fit
to bestow this honor
on a non-athlete.
They felt that no one
better exemplified
the fighting spirit
and the soaring pride
of the Minnesota State
Screaming Eagle,
than our own band director,
Mr. Riley Pringle!
Oh, my.
Oh, my God.
Um...
Uh...
(STUTTERING) I don't know what to say.
I'm completely unprepared.
Uh...
You know
what this award means?
It means you like me.
You really like me.
What a muldoon.
And now, for the award
we've all been waiting for.
The Curley O'Brien Award
is the highest athletic honor
Minnesota State University can bestow.
Each year, this special award
goes to the coach
who sets the highest standards
of leadership, of courage,
of dedication and of success for
his team and the entire university.
This year's recipient,
whose name I hold in this sealed envelope,
has been chosen
by the selection committee
because he best represented the spirit of
sportsmanship, inspired by Curley O'Brien.
We are proud to present this
year's award to a man so deserving.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this year's Curley
O'Brien Award winner is...
Judy Watkins, coach of
the women's basketball team.
(FORCED LAUGHTER)
Yes! Yes!
Uh-huh!
Yes! Okay!
Congratulations, Judy.
You had an outstanding season.
Thank you, Mr. Burleigh.
You're the first woman ever to
receive the Curley O'Brien Award.
In fact, I didn't even know
that was possible.
1, too,
am unprepared for this.
I've only been
at Minnesota State a year,
so I'm not all that familiar
with Curley O'Brien.
In fact, I didn't even know this award
existed until a couple of days ago
when Coach Fox invited me to sit
at his table for tonight's banquet.
My lack of familiarity
should in no way be interpreted
as a lack of appreciation.
I understand the huge
significance of this award,
and I just... l hope I can continue to
live up to the high set of standards
that Mr. O'Brien set.
Thank you.
Everybody!
Are you all right?
Oh, I'm fine. Fine.
You know, the best man won.
That's what this award is all about.
I'm happy for her.
I really feel terrible about
this, Hayden. Why?
I wasn't counting on winning.
You know me, I just take life as it
comes, Luther. Here it comes.
Hey, congratulations, Judy.
Thank you, Hayden.
I'm sorry.
Sorry? What is everybody
so sorry about?
Come on, this is a
celebration, let's celebrate.
Hey, everybody...
Everybody at the banquet,
could you just please
shut up for a minute?
I just want to tell you
how proud I am of Judy,
and the fine, strong women
that she leads.
I mean, I think it's great.
Riley, just play a celebration
song for Judy, would you?
And champagne for everybody.
Come on, now.
Come on.
(BAND PLAYING)
There she is.
Huh?
This is really big of you,
Hayden.
And don't you worry, Sisters,
I'm gonna get you that mini-van, plus.
Christine, would you just make
sure everybody gets champagne,
'cause I'm going to just
go to the men's room.
I'll be right back.
Be right back, everybody.
Go ahead.
Right back.
Right back
for you, too, okay?
Congratulations, honey.
Thank you.
God, what a surprise.
Especially for Hayden.
I can't believe the way he's taking this.
Neither can ll. I thought he'd
blow right through the rafters.
How do you think
he's taking it?
Well, I think he's trying to be
magnanimous, be a good sport.
He's not coming back,
is he?
I don't think so.
Hayden?
Hayden?
Hi.
Hi.
I would have come sooner,
but I thought you might
need some time alone.
Yeah, that's probably smart.
Actually, I've cheered up
considerably.
I, uh, I saw
you took down the party.
Yeah, well, it seemed kind of silly
to have the decorations up now.
What did you do with them?
I folded everything up
and threw it in the lake.
You threw all the decorations
in the lake?
Um-hmm.
What about the champagne
and all the food?
In the lake.
The sterling silver
punch bowl?
The lake.
The cake?
Lake.
Oh, Hayden, I'm sorry.
Why?
It was
the logical thing to do.
I've thrown my life away.
Might as well throw the party away.
What do you mean,
you've thrown your life away?
I mean, I've thrown away
everything in my life for coaching.
I threw away a marriage for coaching.
I threw away being a father for coaching.
I threw away having family and
friends and a home for coaching.
Nothing left.
You have me.
How long can that last?
You know, everything in my
life that matters to me,
I've put on the line
for this job.
And the only thing that I've ever
asked, is that I get some recognition.
You know, winning
the Curley O'Brien Award
would have said, "Hey, man,
the sacrifices were worth it."
When Judy got the award,
it was just like saying,
"Well, my whole life was just
this great waste of time."
Oh, Hayden.
Now I gotta buy a van for a bunch of nuns.
I'm not even Catholic.
Hayden, your life
is not a waste of time.
It's expensive, because you
throw so much of it in the lake,
but it's not a waste.
You...
You can't measure your life
by how many awards you win.
You measure your life by the impact
you have on people around you.
Christine,
I annoy the people around me.
Sometimes.
But you also motivate them,
you teach them, you inspire them.
Do you really think so?
I really do.
Then why couldn't they have
given me an award for that?
I think you've ended up with a lot more
in your life than you think you have.
Your friends
are proof of that.
Oh, Christine, ...
I don't think
I have any friends.
Then who are
all the people outside?
What?
I didn't come here
by myself, Hayden.
Who's out there?
Everybody.
Kelly, Stuart, Luther,
Dauber, Judy, Howard,
Mrs. Thorkelson,
Riley Pringle, the nuns.
You mean they drove all the way out
here just to make me feel better?
Yes.
Huh.
If 1 won
the Curley O'Brien Award,
I might never have
known that, huh?
That's true.
I still wish I had it.
I know you do.
Oh, gosh.
Well, come on now.
They drove all the way out here
just to make me feel better.
I think I better go out there
and give them what they came for.
Better get your shoes.
Shoes are in the lake.
Well, thanks, everybody.
I'd offer you some champagne,
but I seem to be out at the moment.
Hayden, we all
just wanted to say that...
(STAMMERING)
Well, I don't know
exactly what we wanted to say,
except, well,
you're a great guy
and if there's ever a Hayden Fox
award, we think it should go to you.
Dad, I am so glad we didn't
go to Chicago tonight.
Yeah, me, too,
sweetheart.
Does that include me?
Sure, what the hell.
Hayden, this probably
doesn't mean very much to you,
nothing I say ever does,
but I feel that the band would
be nothing without the team.
And without the good-natured
competition between us,
I might never have won
the Spirit Award.
So this is for both of us.
Well, then, can I have it?
Uh, well, uh...
It's a joke, Riley.
Oh, you...
He got me again.
I know
it's been a rough night,
but I've got to tell you,
if there's one person
who feels worse than you
do, it's Howard Burleigh.
Why is that?
He was the one telling everyone
how you were a shoo-in.
He feels responsible.
Gee, I never even
thought of that.
Poor Mr. Burleigh.
He's standing down on the dock right now,
just staring at the water.
Oh, maybe I ought to
go down and see him.
Hey, well, thanks for coming,
everybody.
That was really sweet of you.
Christine, would you see if
anybody would like anything?
I think I've got
some soda and corn left.
I'm just going to
go down and...
I just...
I'll take care of Howard.
I've got to hand it to Coach.
He's taken this like a champ.
That's one thing people
don't understand about Dad.
I know he acts
like a maniac sometimes,
but underneath it all,
he's really a kind, caring person.
(HOWARD SCREAMING)
(SPLASHING)
What was that?
That's Howard.
Hayden just threw him in the lake.