Coach (1989–1997): Season 2, Episode 19 - A Jerk at the Opera - full transcript
When Christine and an ex-boyfriend attend the Opera, Hayden becomes jealous.
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
(KNOCKING)
Come in.
(IN EUROPEAN ACCENT)
Please could you help us?
(IN EUROPEAN ACCENT)
We are the exchange student
who wish to locate of
the union of the student.
What?
Oh, yeah. Oh, you mean
the Student Union.
Ah!
Yeah.
Yeah, well, it's hard to find
your way around here.
Okay now. You are in the
athletic center right now.
The athletic center.
The athletic center.
Sports, huh? Sports?
Uh, soccer. Soccer?
Bullfighting. Bullfighting?
Oh, yamantski.
Yamantski. Yeah.
Right, okay, yamantski.
Hey, hey. Yamantski, okay.
Okay, now what you want to do
is go up these stairs,
turn right and then
you go past the quad...
Quad?
Quad. Uh, the...
Crossroads! Crossroads, uh...
It's a...
Why don't I just
show you myself.
It's a heck of a lot easier
than explaining it, okay?
So just follow me now.
Follow me.
Yamantski. Yamantski.
Come on. Yamantski.
Thanks, Dad!
What?
He didn't know it was us!
I can't believe
we got away with it!
This is you guys?
What the hell is going on?
We just came
from our make-up class
and our assignment was to see if we
could fool anybody. Obviously we did.
Oh, come on,
you didn't fool me!
We fooled you.
We fooled you.
You didn't fool me. Stop it!
That's the most childish,
adolescent thing I've ever seen.
Wait, wait, here comes Dauber.
Let's fool him.
Hey, Daub! Daub, Daub, Daub,
got a minute? Come on in.
Yeah, Coach. What's up?
Well, I've got these two
foreign exchange students
and they need to find their
way to the Student Union.
Could you kind of
help me out, bud?
No problem.
So, Kelly, Stuart, are these
exchange students friends of yours?
Well, this is the first day
of the rest of my life,
and this time I mean it.
Did you sign up for another
one of those fad diets, Luther?
Not a fad, Hayden.
I signed up for Blender Slenders.
The scientific way to safely and
quickly shed unsightly pounds.
This is a gimmick, Luth.
It isn't a gimmick.
You drink four milkshakes
a day,
and the weight
just falls off.
If you see a gimmick in that,
you're a smarter man than I am.
Well, how much
did you pay for this?
Four hundred dollars.
That's how I know
I won't cheat.
I don't have any money left
for food.
You know, the best part is,
if I feel myself falling off the wagon,
all I have to do
is just pick up the phone
and there's a counselor ready
to talk to me 24 hours a day.
Hey, guys.
Who wants a bear claw?
Oh, God!
Hey, honey.
Luther, want to take that
in the team room?
Daub, get rid
of the bear claws.
Another diet, huh?
Yeah.
1 will not eat,
I'm in control.
1 will not eat,
I'm in control.
How's it going, Luther?
Oh, shut up!
Gee, he's really tense.
How long has he been on it?
20 minutes.
Boy, this is a real surprise.
I thought you'd be
in Minneapolis.
Well, I was going,
but something has come up
that I wanted to talk to you
about before I left.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Uh, I have something
to tell you
that I think is going to be a
little difficult for you to hear.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. But I think
our relationship is so great
and it's grown so much over
the last couple of years
that I feel we're both secure
enough to be able to handle
what it is
I'm about to tell you
without my going into a
big preamble or anything
and you'll just understand it and take
it for what it is and nothing more.
And what it is, is...
Jeffrey Kurland, who was a newscaster
in Minneapolis five or six years ago...
(STAMMERING) You may remember him.
He went to Seattle.
And you may also remember that
he and I had a relationship
for a few years.
Well, at any rate,
he's moved back to Minneapolis
and when I called for my
messages this morning...
Well, just to make
a long story short,
he wanted to get together just for
old time's sake for dinner tomorrow.
You know, just as old friends.
And I said that naturally I
would have to talk to you first
because you know,
because of our relationship,
but that I thought
it sounded, you know, fun,
to get together just as old
friends and see each other again.
And I am strictly talking
old friends.
I mean absolutely
nothing more.
And so what I was hoping was
that you would come with us,
because I thought it sounded
like a real fun evening.
And I guess I wanted to know
how you feel about it.
Obviously, you don't
feel good.
I didn't say that.
You do feel good?
I didn't say that either.
I don't feel good.
I don't feel bad.
I don't feel anything.
I don't feel my hands.
I don't feel my toes.
It's entirely possible
I may be dead, Christine.
I think I died when I heard
the name Jeffrey Kurland.
Hayden...
Well, how do you expect me to feel?
I mean, I don't want you to go
have dinner with an old boyfriend.
I mean, I don't even understand
why you'd want to do that.
I told you, because we were
very good friends before,
and I would like
to be friends again.
Oh! What a bunch of hooey!
It isn't hooey.
I'm going to be running into him
professionally all the time anyway.
Rather than feeling awkward and
adolescent every time we see each other,
I'd like to open the channels of
communication and make things comfortable.
Well, in other words,
you want to get together again
to see if there is anything still
left between the two of you.
Oh, Hayden!
Oh, come on, Christine.
I know what's going to happen.
You're going to go to dinner with this guy,
the old sparks
are gonna be rekindled,
and I am gonna be thrown out
like an old refrigerator.
You will not!
Christine, Christine, okay,
okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.
You are the honest one here,
all right?
Now you look me in the eye
and you tell me you're not
even the tiniest bit curious
to see if there isn't an old little
spark left between you and old Jeffy boy.
Okay, I am looking you
in the eye,
and I am telling you
honestly and sincerely
that there is not even one little
spark of interest left between
between me and "old Jeff boy."
Aha!
Oh, God!
For crying out loud!
I knew you couldn't look me
in the eye!
Look.
If you're really
this concerned about it,
why don't just you
just come with us.
That you can meet Jeffrey and see
that you have nothing to worry about.
Oh, I couldn't do something like that.
I'd feel like a jealous boyfriend.
When is this date?
It isn't a date, it's dinner.
And it's tomorrow.
Christine, honey,
will you marry me tomorrow?
Hayden!
Well, I've got to do
something to stop this.
Christine, I forbid you to go.
You what?
You heard what I said.
I said, I would really appreciate it
if you would reconsider this decision.
I am going to have dinner with
Jeffrey tomorrow night at 8 o'clock.
If you change your mind,
and I hope you do,
you're welcome to join us.
We will be at L'Auberge.
If you decide not to join us,
fine!
But if you don't trust me enough to
have one dinner with an old friend,
maybe this relationship hasn't
come as far as I thought it had.
Goodbye, Hayden.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Christine, okay, just let me
get this thing straight here.
Okay, now.
In this, in this relationship
of ours, which is great,
we're now allowed to go
out with old friends, okay,
and have lunch and dinner,
a Jacuzzi, we can... Whatever.
And the other person,
meaning me,
because we're supposed to be
sophisticated and mature
has to suppress every desire that
they have in every fiber of their body
to kill this other person
and just allow you to go out
and have a good time,
because, well,
we trust each other so much. Now...
Basically is that the
relationship we're talking about?
Except for the Jacuzzi, yes.
You know, we really do have
something here you can depend on.
I know. I know.
Don't get crazy.
Oh, sweetheart, I won't.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Bonsoir, Miss Armstrong.
Hello.
Monsieur Kurland, welcome back.
It is so good to see you again.
Thank you, Claude.
It's nice to see you again.
Well, if you would follow me,
I have your old table reserved for you.
Claude, don't I remember our
old table being over there?
Oh, the location
was over there
but this is your old table.
If you would permit me, sir,
I would like to send over a bottle of wine.
Compliments of the house.
Oh, Claude,
you're treating us too well.
Well, it's so wonderful
to have you again.
(SIGHING)
Such a wonderful couple.
I think he's happy to see us.
Yeah, I get that feeling.
Well, this place
sure brings back memories.
Do you still come here?
The last time I was here
was with you.
That's sweet.
Well, it's just that Hayden
doesn't really like French food.
Or Italian food,
for that matter.
Or Greek, or Indian,
or Chinese, or Mexican.
(LAUGHING) What does he like?
Steak.
Well, he's a football coach.
He should eat steak.
Well, he does.
So, I'm dying to know,
what made you leave Seattle?
You loved that area.
That's right,
I did love Seattle.
But Channel 8
offered me a fortune.
Oh! Oh, great.
Voila! Enjoy!
You know, Claude,
next to Miss Armstrong here,
I think I may have missed you
most of all.
Well, here's to old friends.
It's nice to be back together.
Thank you.
Bonsoir, Monsieur.
Table for one?
(INAUDIBLE)
How about this table
right here?
This is a table for four.
This is a 20-dollar-bill.
This is your table.
Would you like
something to start?
No, I'm not that hungry.
Just bring me some French fries or something.
Why don't you look over
the menu?
Oh, that's a great idea.
(INAUDIBLE)
Uh, you got a table
closer to that one?
Oh, no, I'm sorry, sir.
This is the closest.
Uh-huh.
Okay, I'm gonna go
to the men's room.
How are things
at Channel 8?
Has it changed very much
since you were there?
Yes, actually,
Murdoch is gone.
Oh, he is?
That was one requisite.
I wasn't gonna come back if he was still there.
Are you serious? You have that kind of power
now, you can just say that?
I don't like to think of it
as power. It's...
Yeah, it's power.
Oh, God!
What's the matter?
What?
(STAMMERING) Oh, nothing.
I just saw someone I think I know.
Oh, really? Who?
The man in the beret.
Jeffrey, would you excuse me
for just a minute?
Oh, certainly.
Thank you.
You can put the menu down,
Hayden. I know it's you.
Does he know it's me?
No!
What in the hell
are you doing?
Just having dinner.
It's a free country, you know?
In a beard and a beret?
Hey, that's the great thing
about America.
You are insane!
I don't even know
what to say to you.
I am just
protecting my turf.
I always get goosebumps
when you call me "turf."
You know what I mean.
I just had to see if there was
anything between you guys, Christine.
I told you there wasn't.
Yeah, but you hadn't seen him
when you said that.
I mean, look at him,
he looks fantastic...
What the hell is he doing
dressed in a tuxedo?
And what are you doing
dressed like that?
That's a hell of a getup to be in for
some simple dinner with an old friend.
As opposed to the Yves Montand
outfit you have on.
That's different, I'm spying.
And I am going to the opera.
You didn't tell me that.
I didn't know about it
until this morning.
Jeffrey just got the tickets.
It's a benefit.
And since when do I have to
explain everything I do to you?
(SIGHING) Look.
If you really value
this relationship,
you will go back
to your cabin, or France,
or wherever you're from,
or you will take off the beard
and your beret
and you will come over and join us and
have dinner like a rational human being.
You know I can't do that.
Then get out of here.
Christine, come on.
Excuse me. Monsieur Kurland would
like to know if you'd like to start
with the paté
or I'escargot?
Hayden, I have to leave.
1 will call you in the morning.
Okay, okay, Christine.
You win. You win.
I'm going, I'm going.
I promise you won't see me again tonight.
Just take it easy
on the wine, huh?
Oh, Hayden!
I'm going.
Couldn't you find
anything you want, sir?
I know what I want.
Just can't have it.
Step.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Kurland.
It's good to see you again.
So nice to see you again too,
Miss Armstrong.
Thank you.
Oh, it's wonderful up here.
I've always wondered
what these seats were like.
They're like 300 bucks.
But it's for a good cause.
Have you been
to the opera lately?
No, not in a while.
I take it Hayden doesn't care
for the opera either?
Hayden wouldn't be caught dead
in an opera house.
Hey. How are
you folks doing?
Great night for an opera, huh?
Yes, it's very nice.
How would you like
to make a couple bucks?
I beg your pardon?
Well, I'll trade you my seat down
on the floor for this one here, huh?
Throw in 100?
Get the usher.
No, no, no.
Don't call an usher.
Clifford!
No, no, come on, Cliff.
Cliff y, wait,
I'll make it 200, huh?
Okay, okay.
Forget the seats, okay?
I'll just stand over here.
You won't even know I'm here.
Here. You'll want these.
Oh, I can see the stage
fine from here.
Yes, but Walter Mondale is sitting
in the same box across from us.
Oh, he spotted me.
ANNOUNCER ON P.A.:
Ladies and gentlemen,
before we begin
tonight's performance,
we would like to acknowledge
a very special guest.
Kermit Grenouille, who laid the
cornerstone for this opera house in 1916,
is with us tonight,
joined by his wife, Peggy.
Please extend a warm welcome
to Mr. and Mrs. Grenouille.
Hayden!
Hayden?
(SCREAMING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hayden!
That's Hayden?
Jeffy, huh?
Oh, boy, what a coincidence.
Yeah, I know it must seem like
I'm following you,
but really I'm just here to share the
big night with old Kermit here, huh?
Sir, I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.
(STAMMERING) Yeah, okay.
I can't stay for the show anyway.
And, I mean, really, people
are starting to stare at me,
and, gosh, you know, this is Kermit's
big night and Miss Piggy, and...
Hey, way to build
that opera house!
God bless, everybody.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
You know,
all things considered,
I think I handled that
pretty well, don't you?
He's a lunatic!
He's crazy!
FILkill him.
Would you like a drink first?
He is a 45-year-old child
and I am sick of it.
(SCOFFING) You would think after
seeing someone for nearly three years
that there would be
some basis for trust, but no!
I might as well admit it to myself.
I'm dating an insane person.
Well, maybe that makes me insane.
I don't know.
(SIGHING) Oh, I'm sorry
if ll ruined your evening.
I hate to say this.
I should never have told him.
Well, maybe we can try the
opera again some other night
and we won't tell him.
Oh, you know
I couldn't do that.
Christine, I have
to be honest with you.
I'm not the kind to move in
on another guy.
And if things were great
between you and Hayden...
Wait, wait a second, Jeff.
Please, don't say anything more.
I have to.
1 did a lot of thinking
these last few years.
Oh, Jeff, don't think!
I think I made a mistake
leaving here.
I gave up a lot.
Oh, I don't know...
And a lot of what I gave up
was you.
Oh, God!
I wanna start
seeing you again, Christine.
I can't.
Why not?
Well...
Let me think.
How can I say this?
You and I have
a lot in common.
You're easy to talk to, you're
gentle, you're understanding.
Yeah, right. What kind of
relationship would that be?
It would be a very
comfortable relationship.
Life with you would be
a picnic.
Life with Hayden is...
It's up and down, it's...
It's like a rollercoaster ride,
you never know where it's going.
Sometimes you scream.
Sometimes you're...
You're nauseous.
But sometimes,
it's absolutely exhilarating.
And even though at times
it's terrifying,
it's just not a ride
I'm ready to get off.
Plus, he's getting older,
it can't always go this fast.
You really love this lunatic.
I'm a sick person, aren't ll?
Well, I don't really like
to pass judgment.
I really should go.
Jeff...
I'm sorry.
So am I.
I meant for me.
So did I.
Good-bye, Christine.
Okay, Hayden.
I know you're out there somewhere.
You might as well come in.
Hayden?
That is the greatest thing
anybody's ever said about me!
Hayden! Where...
Where in the world
have you been?
Under your bed!
What?
Isn't this a fun ride?
(GASPS)
filmed before a studio audience.
(KNOCKING)
Come in.
(IN EUROPEAN ACCENT)
Please could you help us?
(IN EUROPEAN ACCENT)
We are the exchange student
who wish to locate of
the union of the student.
What?
Oh, yeah. Oh, you mean
the Student Union.
Ah!
Yeah.
Yeah, well, it's hard to find
your way around here.
Okay now. You are in the
athletic center right now.
The athletic center.
The athletic center.
Sports, huh? Sports?
Uh, soccer. Soccer?
Bullfighting. Bullfighting?
Oh, yamantski.
Yamantski. Yeah.
Right, okay, yamantski.
Hey, hey. Yamantski, okay.
Okay, now what you want to do
is go up these stairs,
turn right and then
you go past the quad...
Quad?
Quad. Uh, the...
Crossroads! Crossroads, uh...
It's a...
Why don't I just
show you myself.
It's a heck of a lot easier
than explaining it, okay?
So just follow me now.
Follow me.
Yamantski. Yamantski.
Come on. Yamantski.
Thanks, Dad!
What?
He didn't know it was us!
I can't believe
we got away with it!
This is you guys?
What the hell is going on?
We just came
from our make-up class
and our assignment was to see if we
could fool anybody. Obviously we did.
Oh, come on,
you didn't fool me!
We fooled you.
We fooled you.
You didn't fool me. Stop it!
That's the most childish,
adolescent thing I've ever seen.
Wait, wait, here comes Dauber.
Let's fool him.
Hey, Daub! Daub, Daub, Daub,
got a minute? Come on in.
Yeah, Coach. What's up?
Well, I've got these two
foreign exchange students
and they need to find their
way to the Student Union.
Could you kind of
help me out, bud?
No problem.
So, Kelly, Stuart, are these
exchange students friends of yours?
Well, this is the first day
of the rest of my life,
and this time I mean it.
Did you sign up for another
one of those fad diets, Luther?
Not a fad, Hayden.
I signed up for Blender Slenders.
The scientific way to safely and
quickly shed unsightly pounds.
This is a gimmick, Luth.
It isn't a gimmick.
You drink four milkshakes
a day,
and the weight
just falls off.
If you see a gimmick in that,
you're a smarter man than I am.
Well, how much
did you pay for this?
Four hundred dollars.
That's how I know
I won't cheat.
I don't have any money left
for food.
You know, the best part is,
if I feel myself falling off the wagon,
all I have to do
is just pick up the phone
and there's a counselor ready
to talk to me 24 hours a day.
Hey, guys.
Who wants a bear claw?
Oh, God!
Hey, honey.
Luther, want to take that
in the team room?
Daub, get rid
of the bear claws.
Another diet, huh?
Yeah.
1 will not eat,
I'm in control.
1 will not eat,
I'm in control.
How's it going, Luther?
Oh, shut up!
Gee, he's really tense.
How long has he been on it?
20 minutes.
Boy, this is a real surprise.
I thought you'd be
in Minneapolis.
Well, I was going,
but something has come up
that I wanted to talk to you
about before I left.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Uh, I have something
to tell you
that I think is going to be a
little difficult for you to hear.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. But I think
our relationship is so great
and it's grown so much over
the last couple of years
that I feel we're both secure
enough to be able to handle
what it is
I'm about to tell you
without my going into a
big preamble or anything
and you'll just understand it and take
it for what it is and nothing more.
And what it is, is...
Jeffrey Kurland, who was a newscaster
in Minneapolis five or six years ago...
(STAMMERING) You may remember him.
He went to Seattle.
And you may also remember that
he and I had a relationship
for a few years.
Well, at any rate,
he's moved back to Minneapolis
and when I called for my
messages this morning...
Well, just to make
a long story short,
he wanted to get together just for
old time's sake for dinner tomorrow.
You know, just as old friends.
And I said that naturally I
would have to talk to you first
because you know,
because of our relationship,
but that I thought
it sounded, you know, fun,
to get together just as old
friends and see each other again.
And I am strictly talking
old friends.
I mean absolutely
nothing more.
And so what I was hoping was
that you would come with us,
because I thought it sounded
like a real fun evening.
And I guess I wanted to know
how you feel about it.
Obviously, you don't
feel good.
I didn't say that.
You do feel good?
I didn't say that either.
I don't feel good.
I don't feel bad.
I don't feel anything.
I don't feel my hands.
I don't feel my toes.
It's entirely possible
I may be dead, Christine.
I think I died when I heard
the name Jeffrey Kurland.
Hayden...
Well, how do you expect me to feel?
I mean, I don't want you to go
have dinner with an old boyfriend.
I mean, I don't even understand
why you'd want to do that.
I told you, because we were
very good friends before,
and I would like
to be friends again.
Oh! What a bunch of hooey!
It isn't hooey.
I'm going to be running into him
professionally all the time anyway.
Rather than feeling awkward and
adolescent every time we see each other,
I'd like to open the channels of
communication and make things comfortable.
Well, in other words,
you want to get together again
to see if there is anything still
left between the two of you.
Oh, Hayden!
Oh, come on, Christine.
I know what's going to happen.
You're going to go to dinner with this guy,
the old sparks
are gonna be rekindled,
and I am gonna be thrown out
like an old refrigerator.
You will not!
Christine, Christine, okay,
okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.
You are the honest one here,
all right?
Now you look me in the eye
and you tell me you're not
even the tiniest bit curious
to see if there isn't an old little
spark left between you and old Jeffy boy.
Okay, I am looking you
in the eye,
and I am telling you
honestly and sincerely
that there is not even one little
spark of interest left between
between me and "old Jeff boy."
Aha!
Oh, God!
For crying out loud!
I knew you couldn't look me
in the eye!
Look.
If you're really
this concerned about it,
why don't just you
just come with us.
That you can meet Jeffrey and see
that you have nothing to worry about.
Oh, I couldn't do something like that.
I'd feel like a jealous boyfriend.
When is this date?
It isn't a date, it's dinner.
And it's tomorrow.
Christine, honey,
will you marry me tomorrow?
Hayden!
Well, I've got to do
something to stop this.
Christine, I forbid you to go.
You what?
You heard what I said.
I said, I would really appreciate it
if you would reconsider this decision.
I am going to have dinner with
Jeffrey tomorrow night at 8 o'clock.
If you change your mind,
and I hope you do,
you're welcome to join us.
We will be at L'Auberge.
If you decide not to join us,
fine!
But if you don't trust me enough to
have one dinner with an old friend,
maybe this relationship hasn't
come as far as I thought it had.
Goodbye, Hayden.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Christine, okay, just let me
get this thing straight here.
Okay, now.
In this, in this relationship
of ours, which is great,
we're now allowed to go
out with old friends, okay,
and have lunch and dinner,
a Jacuzzi, we can... Whatever.
And the other person,
meaning me,
because we're supposed to be
sophisticated and mature
has to suppress every desire that
they have in every fiber of their body
to kill this other person
and just allow you to go out
and have a good time,
because, well,
we trust each other so much. Now...
Basically is that the
relationship we're talking about?
Except for the Jacuzzi, yes.
You know, we really do have
something here you can depend on.
I know. I know.
Don't get crazy.
Oh, sweetheart, I won't.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Bonsoir, Miss Armstrong.
Hello.
Monsieur Kurland, welcome back.
It is so good to see you again.
Thank you, Claude.
It's nice to see you again.
Well, if you would follow me,
I have your old table reserved for you.
Claude, don't I remember our
old table being over there?
Oh, the location
was over there
but this is your old table.
If you would permit me, sir,
I would like to send over a bottle of wine.
Compliments of the house.
Oh, Claude,
you're treating us too well.
Well, it's so wonderful
to have you again.
(SIGHING)
Such a wonderful couple.
I think he's happy to see us.
Yeah, I get that feeling.
Well, this place
sure brings back memories.
Do you still come here?
The last time I was here
was with you.
That's sweet.
Well, it's just that Hayden
doesn't really like French food.
Or Italian food,
for that matter.
Or Greek, or Indian,
or Chinese, or Mexican.
(LAUGHING) What does he like?
Steak.
Well, he's a football coach.
He should eat steak.
Well, he does.
So, I'm dying to know,
what made you leave Seattle?
You loved that area.
That's right,
I did love Seattle.
But Channel 8
offered me a fortune.
Oh! Oh, great.
Voila! Enjoy!
You know, Claude,
next to Miss Armstrong here,
I think I may have missed you
most of all.
Well, here's to old friends.
It's nice to be back together.
Thank you.
Bonsoir, Monsieur.
Table for one?
(INAUDIBLE)
How about this table
right here?
This is a table for four.
This is a 20-dollar-bill.
This is your table.
Would you like
something to start?
No, I'm not that hungry.
Just bring me some French fries or something.
Why don't you look over
the menu?
Oh, that's a great idea.
(INAUDIBLE)
Uh, you got a table
closer to that one?
Oh, no, I'm sorry, sir.
This is the closest.
Uh-huh.
Okay, I'm gonna go
to the men's room.
How are things
at Channel 8?
Has it changed very much
since you were there?
Yes, actually,
Murdoch is gone.
Oh, he is?
That was one requisite.
I wasn't gonna come back if he was still there.
Are you serious? You have that kind of power
now, you can just say that?
I don't like to think of it
as power. It's...
Yeah, it's power.
Oh, God!
What's the matter?
What?
(STAMMERING) Oh, nothing.
I just saw someone I think I know.
Oh, really? Who?
The man in the beret.
Jeffrey, would you excuse me
for just a minute?
Oh, certainly.
Thank you.
You can put the menu down,
Hayden. I know it's you.
Does he know it's me?
No!
What in the hell
are you doing?
Just having dinner.
It's a free country, you know?
In a beard and a beret?
Hey, that's the great thing
about America.
You are insane!
I don't even know
what to say to you.
I am just
protecting my turf.
I always get goosebumps
when you call me "turf."
You know what I mean.
I just had to see if there was
anything between you guys, Christine.
I told you there wasn't.
Yeah, but you hadn't seen him
when you said that.
I mean, look at him,
he looks fantastic...
What the hell is he doing
dressed in a tuxedo?
And what are you doing
dressed like that?
That's a hell of a getup to be in for
some simple dinner with an old friend.
As opposed to the Yves Montand
outfit you have on.
That's different, I'm spying.
And I am going to the opera.
You didn't tell me that.
I didn't know about it
until this morning.
Jeffrey just got the tickets.
It's a benefit.
And since when do I have to
explain everything I do to you?
(SIGHING) Look.
If you really value
this relationship,
you will go back
to your cabin, or France,
or wherever you're from,
or you will take off the beard
and your beret
and you will come over and join us and
have dinner like a rational human being.
You know I can't do that.
Then get out of here.
Christine, come on.
Excuse me. Monsieur Kurland would
like to know if you'd like to start
with the paté
or I'escargot?
Hayden, I have to leave.
1 will call you in the morning.
Okay, okay, Christine.
You win. You win.
I'm going, I'm going.
I promise you won't see me again tonight.
Just take it easy
on the wine, huh?
Oh, Hayden!
I'm going.
Couldn't you find
anything you want, sir?
I know what I want.
Just can't have it.
Step.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Kurland.
It's good to see you again.
So nice to see you again too,
Miss Armstrong.
Thank you.
Oh, it's wonderful up here.
I've always wondered
what these seats were like.
They're like 300 bucks.
But it's for a good cause.
Have you been
to the opera lately?
No, not in a while.
I take it Hayden doesn't care
for the opera either?
Hayden wouldn't be caught dead
in an opera house.
Hey. How are
you folks doing?
Great night for an opera, huh?
Yes, it's very nice.
How would you like
to make a couple bucks?
I beg your pardon?
Well, I'll trade you my seat down
on the floor for this one here, huh?
Throw in 100?
Get the usher.
No, no, no.
Don't call an usher.
Clifford!
No, no, come on, Cliff.
Cliff y, wait,
I'll make it 200, huh?
Okay, okay.
Forget the seats, okay?
I'll just stand over here.
You won't even know I'm here.
Here. You'll want these.
Oh, I can see the stage
fine from here.
Yes, but Walter Mondale is sitting
in the same box across from us.
Oh, he spotted me.
ANNOUNCER ON P.A.:
Ladies and gentlemen,
before we begin
tonight's performance,
we would like to acknowledge
a very special guest.
Kermit Grenouille, who laid the
cornerstone for this opera house in 1916,
is with us tonight,
joined by his wife, Peggy.
Please extend a warm welcome
to Mr. and Mrs. Grenouille.
Hayden!
Hayden?
(SCREAMING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hayden!
That's Hayden?
Jeffy, huh?
Oh, boy, what a coincidence.
Yeah, I know it must seem like
I'm following you,
but really I'm just here to share the
big night with old Kermit here, huh?
Sir, I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.
(STAMMERING) Yeah, okay.
I can't stay for the show anyway.
And, I mean, really, people
are starting to stare at me,
and, gosh, you know, this is Kermit's
big night and Miss Piggy, and...
Hey, way to build
that opera house!
God bless, everybody.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
You know,
all things considered,
I think I handled that
pretty well, don't you?
He's a lunatic!
He's crazy!
FILkill him.
Would you like a drink first?
He is a 45-year-old child
and I am sick of it.
(SCOFFING) You would think after
seeing someone for nearly three years
that there would be
some basis for trust, but no!
I might as well admit it to myself.
I'm dating an insane person.
Well, maybe that makes me insane.
I don't know.
(SIGHING) Oh, I'm sorry
if ll ruined your evening.
I hate to say this.
I should never have told him.
Well, maybe we can try the
opera again some other night
and we won't tell him.
Oh, you know
I couldn't do that.
Christine, I have
to be honest with you.
I'm not the kind to move in
on another guy.
And if things were great
between you and Hayden...
Wait, wait a second, Jeff.
Please, don't say anything more.
I have to.
1 did a lot of thinking
these last few years.
Oh, Jeff, don't think!
I think I made a mistake
leaving here.
I gave up a lot.
Oh, I don't know...
And a lot of what I gave up
was you.
Oh, God!
I wanna start
seeing you again, Christine.
I can't.
Why not?
Well...
Let me think.
How can I say this?
You and I have
a lot in common.
You're easy to talk to, you're
gentle, you're understanding.
Yeah, right. What kind of
relationship would that be?
It would be a very
comfortable relationship.
Life with you would be
a picnic.
Life with Hayden is...
It's up and down, it's...
It's like a rollercoaster ride,
you never know where it's going.
Sometimes you scream.
Sometimes you're...
You're nauseous.
But sometimes,
it's absolutely exhilarating.
And even though at times
it's terrifying,
it's just not a ride
I'm ready to get off.
Plus, he's getting older,
it can't always go this fast.
You really love this lunatic.
I'm a sick person, aren't ll?
Well, I don't really like
to pass judgment.
I really should go.
Jeff...
I'm sorry.
So am I.
I meant for me.
So did I.
Good-bye, Christine.
Okay, Hayden.
I know you're out there somewhere.
You might as well come in.
Hayden?
That is the greatest thing
anybody's ever said about me!
Hayden! Where...
Where in the world
have you been?
Under your bed!
What?
Isn't this a fun ride?
(GASPS)