Coach (1989–1997): Season 1, Episode 7 - 19 Candles - full transcript
Kelly's boyfriend shows up at her 19th birthday celebration.
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
Hey, Daub, how's it going?
Pretty good.
Luth.
Yeah.
You've been in this game
along time.
How come they call it
football?
What?
I was just wondering
why it was called football.
You only use your foot
3 little bit of the time.
Aren't you supposed to be
studying for that science exam?
I was studying, but...
But then I started thinking.
They should have called
soccer football.
They use their feet
all the time.
What would you do
with the name soccer?
Soccer could be the name
for boxing
'cause you're always
socking people.
Well, then,
what would boxing be?
Boxing could be the name
for hockey
'cause you are always in the
penalty box for fighting.
Then what would you do
with the name hockey?
You're right.
Why don't we just leave
everything the way it is.
(SIGHING)
Wait a minute.
Let's not go past this so fast.
Luther! Dauber!
Yeah, we're in here, Hayden.
Well, I'm in here!
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
Come on,
I want to show you something.
Hey, what's that?
Okay,
it's Kelly's birthday present.
Wait till you see it.
Oh, yeah. Tonight's Kelly's
big birthday dinner.
Yeah, yeah. Can you believe
my little girl's 19 years old?
I think I got her
the perfect gift.
(DAUBER WHISTLES)
LUTHER: Hey.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Those have Kelly
written all over them.
Yeah.
What are they?
Well,
they're toe shoe bookends.
You see,
they're toe shoes 'cause of
Kelly's interest in ballet,
and they are bookends 'cause
she's a student, you know.
I mean, she's got books.
And because they're bronze, well,
it's like an investment in her future.
Must be a pretty special
birthday, Coach.
Hey, they're all special
for my little girl.
Yeah, but bronze.
Yeah, it is pretty special,
isn't it?
Yeah, I even told Christine she
couldn't be at our dinner, you know,
'cause it's just gonna be
dinner for two.
That's the way
it's always been
and that's the way
it's always gonna be.
I'd say Kelly is pretty lucky
having a dad like you.
Why, thank you, Dauber.
Yeah. Well, hey, guys, listen,
I got to get going, all right.
Got to get these babies
wrapped up.
Why didn't you just have
the store do it?
Come on,
it's my daughter's birthday.
You know, I want the present
to look kind of personal.
Hey,
I'll see you guys on Monday.
Right-o.
Have a good time tonight.
Thanks. Hey, Ms. Thorkelson!
I want you
to wrap something for me!
You know, you and I should do
something for Kelly's birthday.
Sure. I mean, we could go out
for a nice dinner or something.
No, I mean get her something,
like a birthday present.
Great.
Like what?
I don't know.
Let's see, it's...
She's 19.
What'd you want
when you were 19?
I just wanted to pass
Earth Science.
Still do.
Excuse me.
I couldn't help noticing.
That is a magnificent package.
Yeah, thanks, it's my
daughter's birthday present
and I want it to be special.
Oh, the store did
a beautiful job wrapping it.
I didn't have a store
do this.
You wrapped that package?
Well, I think it takes
a very special man
to go to so much trouble
for his daughter.
Well...
See, actually, ...
Thank you very much.
Hey, Coach.
Hey, Nick.
Where's Kelly?
She's gonna be here in a minute.
She's meeting me.
Oh.
Everything's set for dinner.
We got spaghetti and the chocolate
chocolate cake with 19 candles.
Oh, gee, you know,
that's perfect, Nick.
You know, ever since Kelly
was a little girl,
she's always had
the same birthday dinner.
Yeah, I used make her
a happy face, you know.
(CHUCKLES)
Meatballs for the eyes
and then noodles for the hair.
Used to tell her she couldn't
have cake till she ate her nose.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Probably too old
for that now, though.
Yeah.
But it's a nice thought, Coach.
Yeah.
Can I get you something
while you're waiting?
Oh, no, Nick. I'm fine, fine.
Okay.
Hey, Kelly.
Hi.
Happy birthday.
Thanks, Nick.
Hey,
there's the birthday girl!
(PEOPLE WHISTLING)
Thanks!
Okay, okay. So I had to tell
a few people. I'm sorry.
(LAUGHING) Okay. Kelly, hey,
happy birthday, honey.
Thanks, Dad.
(GIGGLING)
Oh, wow.
Is this for me?
Well, now, I don't know. Let's see...
Might be a name here
somewhere.
Yup. Uh-oh!
Yeah, it is for you.
No, no, no, come on, come on.
You know our tradition.
Oh, right.
No present till after dinner.
Right.
Well, now, look at you, Kelly.
19 years old. Hmm?
Did you ever think
you'd get this big?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
I tell you, though, it just seems like
yesterday you needed a booster chair.
You comfortable?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Listen, Kelly, you know,
I look forward to this night
all year.
So do l.
Speaking of tonight, there's something
that I've been meaning to tell you.
See, Stuart really wanted
to be with us tonight.
Stuart. Stuart who?
Stuart my boyfriend.
The mute?
He's not a mute.
He's a mime.
He really, really wanted
to be with us, and...
(STAMMERING)
You invited him here tonight?
Yes. Well,
this is a private dinner.
I mean,
you'd invite a stranger?
Dad, he's not a stranger.
Well, he's not part
of the family.
Well, I couldn't offend him.
I mean, you know how sensitive
Stuart is.
Well, Kelly, come on, this is
supposed to be our night.
But it's my birthday.
All right,
so now it's your birthday.
I mean, jeez, Kelly.
I mean, come on. I mean...
I don't want Stuart here.
We had kind of a birthday tradition going.
This is a father-daughter
dinner.
It's not
a father-daughter-mime dinner.
Oh, God, there he is.
Look, Dad, I'd really appreciate
it if you'd just be nice to him.
I mean...
And it won't be all that hard.
I've never met anyone who's
as easy to be with as Stuart.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
What did he say?
Happy birthday in French.
STUART: Coach Fox.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
He said he's very happy
to be here.
Well, that's great.
Hey, Stu, can I talk to you in
English over here for just a second?
(CLEARING THROAT) You seem to
have made a little faux pas.
Dad, what is going on?
Wait a minute.
Is there a problem with my being here?
Dad, I can't believe you're
embarrassing me like this.
You're ruining my birthday.
I am ruining your birthday?
Kelly, I'm just trying
to uphold a tradition.
You know, a father-daughter
dinner with no intrusions.
Hi, there, birthday girl!
I'm the birthday clown
with a special song from your birthday
buddies, Luther and Dauber.
(BLOWING KAZOO)
Don't.
Dad, if you don't
want Stuart here,
you don't want me here,
either.
Kelly, listen, no offense.
Even if I liked Stuart, I wouldn't want him here.
That's it. Come on.
Okay, Kelly.
Wait a... Hold it.
That came out wrong.
There is a song...
Hey, take a break, Ronald.
Don't let me be a problem here.
You're not the problem, he is.
Kelly, come on. I mean,
this is not my idea of your birthday.
Well, fine. Then let's just
forget my birthday.
In fact, let's just forget
I was ever born.
What the hell does that mean?
Does anybody know
what that means?
Kids.
"Hold the rod
in the 12:00 position.
"Pull the rod back
"to the 10:00 position.
"And cast forward
"to the 2:00 position,
releasing the line with the thumb lever."
Hey, all right.
(STAMMERING) Hayden,
what are you doing back so early?
Hell, that's it.
Kelly's birthday
is canceled.
She brought Stuart
to the dinner.
What are you doing?
Fishing.
Oh, great. Then I'm glad
I got the couch stocked.
Oh, look, come on,
I'm not upset with you.
I mean, this was
supposed to be our night,
you know, mine and Kelly's.
I mean, I thought
it meant something to her.
And you think because she
invited Stuart that it doesn't?
It sure didn't seem like it.
So you got mad and left?
No, I was being perfectly
reasonable, Christine.
It was my pigheaded daughter
and that doofus
that she's in love with
that got up and left.
And you were as calm
as you are now?
Absolutely.
Hayden, Stuart is her
boyfriend, and it was her night.
Well, God, Christine,
that's what Kelly said.
Am I the only one that
understands this birthday?
Look, I know how much this
night has always meant to you,
but Kelly has other people
in her life now.
It's not a crime
to want to include them.
I mean, to be honest, I didn't completely
understand why I couldn't be there.
Because no one is supposed to be
there, Christine.
It's a family tradition!
Jeez.
(SIGHING)
I think you have to
accept the fact
that families change, Hayden.
Yeah, but who invites
someone into a family
after they've only known them
a couple of months?
I mean, it's like bringing
a friend home for Christmas.
Well, people do that
all the time.
Yeah, and families hate that,
and the ones that say
they don't are lying.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Hey, great.
Now my night is complete.
I've got the Prince
of Pantomime at my door.
Hi, Stuart. What do you want?
Understanding, sensitivity.
Most of all,
your acceptance.
What, were you raised
by a pack of therapists?
Hayden...
No, where do people learn how
to talk like this, Christine?
Hello, Stuart.
Hello, Ms. Armstrong.
May I come in?
Yeah, all right, all right, all right.
Where's Kelly?
She's in the car.
Actually, she didn't want to
come up here, but I insisted.
Not that I was trying to exert
some sort of male dominance.
How could you?
I just didn't think
we should let the evening pass
without dealing
with the situation.
Should I...
No. Don't make anything, no.
Coach Fox, the thing is...
Don't sit, please.
The thing is,
I think I know
what your problem is.
You see me as the outsider.
What I don't think you realize is how
much a part of Kelly's life I am now.
And, hey, that makes me
a part of your life, too.
We're practically
two boughs of the same tree.
Now, that doesn't mean
you have to love me.
Although you might grow to.
All it means is, I think you'd
really like yourself
a lot more
if you just learn
to accept me.
It just...
It just seems that every time
we're in the same room
together,
we end up
embroiled in conflict.
And emotionally...
Emotionally,
I find that extremely taxing.
Oh, God, Stuart,
don't start crying.
It's all right to cry.
Yeah, I mean,
if you get caught
in a bear trap.
I mean it, Christine. Don't give him any sympathy.
He does this all the time.
Stuart...
What did you do to him?
I don't know, I taxed his emotions
and broiled him in something.
I don't know, I'm just lost.
Are you okay?
I'm fine, Kelly.
I'm fine.
You know, Dad,
I'm so mad at you,
I was going to go home and never
speak to you again. And I mean that.
But Stuart convinced me
to come and talk to you
because he faces things
head on
with strength and conviction
and courage.
(BLOWING NOSE)
But this isn't Stuart's fight.
This is between you and me.
So we might as well
just have this out right now.
Fine!
Fine!
Apologize.
What?
Why should I apologize?
All I was trying to do was just
have the same birthday dinner
we've been having
for the past 19 years.
But without any regard for what
I wanted or what Stuart wanted.
Well, why should I care
what Stuart wants?
(CRYING)
I just explained it to you.
Jeez!
Hey, look, Stuart,
if it wasn't for her mom and me,
you would have been
having dinner alone tonight.
(SOBBING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Oh, jeez,
who the hell could that be?
Hello?
Hi, Beth.
It's your mom.
Beth, why are you crying?
Hang on, hang on just...
She says, you know,
it's your first birthday away from home
and she misses you.
Here, here, talk to her.
Hi, Mom.
Thanks.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
(SNIFFLING)
(CRYING)
Nothing's wrong.
It's just the worst birthday
of my whole life.
Oh, jeez.
Well, Hayden,
you don't have anybody but
yourself to blame for all of this.
If you'd been a little more
sensitive to Kelly's feelings...
Christine, don't start giving
me a lecture on being sensitive.
I don't want to hear it.
I just meant, if you'd been
a little less possessive
and let Stuart
come to dinner...
Well, I didn't want him there!
If I'd wanted to clutter up dinner,
I would've invited you!
Oh, God! Jeez!
Christine, come on,
I didn't mean it.
Coach Fox,
HAYDEN: Okay.
I don't know why we can't just be
one, big family.
I don't want to be a family
with a bunch of weepers!
There's not enough Kleenex
in the whole wide world!
Where are you going?
I'm going to go be a family
all by myself!
Jeez.
Man, Hayden, you are a jerk.
KELLY: Dad, you down there?
Dad?
Kelly, is that you?
Yeah. I had a hunch
you might be here.
(SIGHING) Could I talk
to you for a second?
Yeah, I guess so.
(KELLY SIGHING)
Can I turn on the light?
Yeah.
Thought you never wanted
to see me again.
Yeah, I guess today
didn't really turn out the way
that either of us planned.
I just wanted to say that
after you left, Christine and Stuart
and I had this really good talk.
Jeez, I'm sorry I missed that.
Anyway,
I realized that I was
asking you to apologize,
but I have an apology
to make, too.
I should have told you in
advance that Stuart was coming.
It was wrong not to,
and I'm sorry.
Yeah, that was wrong,
wasn't it?
We should have talked
about it beforehand.
Right, 'cause if we'd talked
about it beforehand,
I wouldn't have
gotten mad tonight.
You would have
gotten mad beforehand.
Right.
Right.
(SIGHING) Well, anyway,
that's all I came to say.
I made my apology.
Well, you must have
lots of things to do,
so I won't take up
any more of your time.
Hey, Kelly, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Before you go...
Hey, you want to open up
your present?
I guess so.
Yeah, yeah,
because before you got here, see,
I was gonna bring it over to you.
You were?
Yeah, I mean, come on, Kelly,
I didn't want
your birthday to go by
without you
opening up your present.
I wanted to say some things
to you, too.
You wanted to apologize?
Well, I didn't want to,
but that's what I was gonna do.
What'd you want to
apologize for?
Well, now, I'm getting to that, Kelly.
Just, you know...
See, apologies are hard,
sweetheart,
especially
when you've been wrong.
I guess...
(COUGHS) What I'm trying to say
is, Kelly,
you know,
if I wrecked your birthday...
I mean, I didn't mean to.
You know, I'm always the one
that's going out of my way
to make these
birthdays special, you know.
And the last thing
I want to do is ruin one.
I mean, I've always been there for
you on your birthday, haven't I?
Yeah.
And no matter where I was,
no matter what I was doing,
I was always there, huh?
I mean,
I flew through a blizzard,
I mean, I slept on a bus.
And there was that one time I even hitchhiked
all the way from Akron.
All the way from Akron.
Right. Never made a big deal
about it at all, huh?
'Cause all I wanted to do is just
show how much I care about you.
Is that the apology?
Well, it's like
the beginning of it, see.
Now, I've been sitting here
and I've been thinking about
all those trips,
and I realized
you know,
how good they made me feel.
You know, in fact,
it seems like the harder they
were the better I felt, and...
Okay, like the time I was
in the little Cessna, right,
and the wings started
icing up, and then...
I don't want to worry you now,
because, I mean, we landed.
But the thing is, Kelly,
all those years, see,
I mean, I...
I wasn't with you,
you know,
and I've just been feeling
guilty about all that time
that I wasn't spending with
you when you were growing up.
Well, I know you always
said that.
I guess I was never sure
if you really meant it.
Oh, honey, I meant it.
All right, I may not do
all the feelings well, Kelly,
but I've got a lock on guilt,
baby.
I mean, that's why I've always made such
a big deal out of your birthday, honey.
I mean, it always made me feel
less guilty.
(SIGHING)
Is that the apology?
Not exactly.
See, I guess what I'm
trying to say is, Kelly,
you know,
it's like when Stuart...
Well, when he, you know,
came to that dinner,
I mean, it felt like he was...
He was taking away
my chance to...
To be the one that makes your birthday special.
And it felt like...
It felt like he was...
He was taking you.
Hey, it's selfish on my part,
all right. Okay, okay.
And that's why I got upset.
Is that the apology?
No.
The apology is,
I'm sorry.
Oh. Well, apology accepted.
Phew! All right, well,
that wasn't too hard, was it?
You know, Dad...
It's not over, is it, honey?
No. I was just going to
say that
we're together
all the time now,
and you don't have to feel
guilty anymore.
And maybe...
Maybe my birthday
can start becoming
just my birthday.
All right.
Happy birthday, Kelly!
Thank you!
(GIGGLING)
Oh, Dad, this is really
wrapped beautifully.
Yeah, thanks.
Tell Ms. Thorkelson
I appreciate it.
1 will.
All right.
Wow!
A bronzed toe shoe
that stands on its own.
Yeah, yeah. Look, Kelly,
there's two of them, see.
Oh, yeah, I see.
They're bookends.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
I had them made special.
You like them?
Yeah, I love them.
And I know just where
I'm gonna put them.
See, now, maybe your birthday
wasn't such a disaster
after all, huh?
Yeah, I think we managed
to salvage most of it.
Oh, as a matter of fact,
there's a couple hours
of my birthday left.
You want to go back
to the Touchdown Club?
Just the two of us?
Well,
as nice as that would be,
why don't we call Stuart and
Christine and have them join us?
That's what you really want,
huh?
It's your birthday.
filmed before a studio audience.
Hey, Daub, how's it going?
Pretty good.
Luth.
Yeah.
You've been in this game
along time.
How come they call it
football?
What?
I was just wondering
why it was called football.
You only use your foot
3 little bit of the time.
Aren't you supposed to be
studying for that science exam?
I was studying, but...
But then I started thinking.
They should have called
soccer football.
They use their feet
all the time.
What would you do
with the name soccer?
Soccer could be the name
for boxing
'cause you're always
socking people.
Well, then,
what would boxing be?
Boxing could be the name
for hockey
'cause you are always in the
penalty box for fighting.
Then what would you do
with the name hockey?
You're right.
Why don't we just leave
everything the way it is.
(SIGHING)
Wait a minute.
Let's not go past this so fast.
Luther! Dauber!
Yeah, we're in here, Hayden.
Well, I'm in here!
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
Come on,
I want to show you something.
Hey, what's that?
Okay,
it's Kelly's birthday present.
Wait till you see it.
Oh, yeah. Tonight's Kelly's
big birthday dinner.
Yeah, yeah. Can you believe
my little girl's 19 years old?
I think I got her
the perfect gift.
(DAUBER WHISTLES)
LUTHER: Hey.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Those have Kelly
written all over them.
Yeah.
What are they?
Well,
they're toe shoe bookends.
You see,
they're toe shoes 'cause of
Kelly's interest in ballet,
and they are bookends 'cause
she's a student, you know.
I mean, she's got books.
And because they're bronze, well,
it's like an investment in her future.
Must be a pretty special
birthday, Coach.
Hey, they're all special
for my little girl.
Yeah, but bronze.
Yeah, it is pretty special,
isn't it?
Yeah, I even told Christine she
couldn't be at our dinner, you know,
'cause it's just gonna be
dinner for two.
That's the way
it's always been
and that's the way
it's always gonna be.
I'd say Kelly is pretty lucky
having a dad like you.
Why, thank you, Dauber.
Yeah. Well, hey, guys, listen,
I got to get going, all right.
Got to get these babies
wrapped up.
Why didn't you just have
the store do it?
Come on,
it's my daughter's birthday.
You know, I want the present
to look kind of personal.
Hey,
I'll see you guys on Monday.
Right-o.
Have a good time tonight.
Thanks. Hey, Ms. Thorkelson!
I want you
to wrap something for me!
You know, you and I should do
something for Kelly's birthday.
Sure. I mean, we could go out
for a nice dinner or something.
No, I mean get her something,
like a birthday present.
Great.
Like what?
I don't know.
Let's see, it's...
She's 19.
What'd you want
when you were 19?
I just wanted to pass
Earth Science.
Still do.
Excuse me.
I couldn't help noticing.
That is a magnificent package.
Yeah, thanks, it's my
daughter's birthday present
and I want it to be special.
Oh, the store did
a beautiful job wrapping it.
I didn't have a store
do this.
You wrapped that package?
Well, I think it takes
a very special man
to go to so much trouble
for his daughter.
Well...
See, actually, ...
Thank you very much.
Hey, Coach.
Hey, Nick.
Where's Kelly?
She's gonna be here in a minute.
She's meeting me.
Oh.
Everything's set for dinner.
We got spaghetti and the chocolate
chocolate cake with 19 candles.
Oh, gee, you know,
that's perfect, Nick.
You know, ever since Kelly
was a little girl,
she's always had
the same birthday dinner.
Yeah, I used make her
a happy face, you know.
(CHUCKLES)
Meatballs for the eyes
and then noodles for the hair.
Used to tell her she couldn't
have cake till she ate her nose.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Probably too old
for that now, though.
Yeah.
But it's a nice thought, Coach.
Yeah.
Can I get you something
while you're waiting?
Oh, no, Nick. I'm fine, fine.
Okay.
Hey, Kelly.
Hi.
Happy birthday.
Thanks, Nick.
Hey,
there's the birthday girl!
(PEOPLE WHISTLING)
Thanks!
Okay, okay. So I had to tell
a few people. I'm sorry.
(LAUGHING) Okay. Kelly, hey,
happy birthday, honey.
Thanks, Dad.
(GIGGLING)
Oh, wow.
Is this for me?
Well, now, I don't know. Let's see...
Might be a name here
somewhere.
Yup. Uh-oh!
Yeah, it is for you.
No, no, no, come on, come on.
You know our tradition.
Oh, right.
No present till after dinner.
Right.
Well, now, look at you, Kelly.
19 years old. Hmm?
Did you ever think
you'd get this big?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
I tell you, though, it just seems like
yesterday you needed a booster chair.
You comfortable?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Listen, Kelly, you know,
I look forward to this night
all year.
So do l.
Speaking of tonight, there's something
that I've been meaning to tell you.
See, Stuart really wanted
to be with us tonight.
Stuart. Stuart who?
Stuart my boyfriend.
The mute?
He's not a mute.
He's a mime.
He really, really wanted
to be with us, and...
(STAMMERING)
You invited him here tonight?
Yes. Well,
this is a private dinner.
I mean,
you'd invite a stranger?
Dad, he's not a stranger.
Well, he's not part
of the family.
Well, I couldn't offend him.
I mean, you know how sensitive
Stuart is.
Well, Kelly, come on, this is
supposed to be our night.
But it's my birthday.
All right,
so now it's your birthday.
I mean, jeez, Kelly.
I mean, come on. I mean...
I don't want Stuart here.
We had kind of a birthday tradition going.
This is a father-daughter
dinner.
It's not
a father-daughter-mime dinner.
Oh, God, there he is.
Look, Dad, I'd really appreciate
it if you'd just be nice to him.
I mean...
And it won't be all that hard.
I've never met anyone who's
as easy to be with as Stuart.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
What did he say?
Happy birthday in French.
STUART: Coach Fox.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
He said he's very happy
to be here.
Well, that's great.
Hey, Stu, can I talk to you in
English over here for just a second?
(CLEARING THROAT) You seem to
have made a little faux pas.
Dad, what is going on?
Wait a minute.
Is there a problem with my being here?
Dad, I can't believe you're
embarrassing me like this.
You're ruining my birthday.
I am ruining your birthday?
Kelly, I'm just trying
to uphold a tradition.
You know, a father-daughter
dinner with no intrusions.
Hi, there, birthday girl!
I'm the birthday clown
with a special song from your birthday
buddies, Luther and Dauber.
(BLOWING KAZOO)
Don't.
Dad, if you don't
want Stuart here,
you don't want me here,
either.
Kelly, listen, no offense.
Even if I liked Stuart, I wouldn't want him here.
That's it. Come on.
Okay, Kelly.
Wait a... Hold it.
That came out wrong.
There is a song...
Hey, take a break, Ronald.
Don't let me be a problem here.
You're not the problem, he is.
Kelly, come on. I mean,
this is not my idea of your birthday.
Well, fine. Then let's just
forget my birthday.
In fact, let's just forget
I was ever born.
What the hell does that mean?
Does anybody know
what that means?
Kids.
"Hold the rod
in the 12:00 position.
"Pull the rod back
"to the 10:00 position.
"And cast forward
"to the 2:00 position,
releasing the line with the thumb lever."
Hey, all right.
(STAMMERING) Hayden,
what are you doing back so early?
Hell, that's it.
Kelly's birthday
is canceled.
She brought Stuart
to the dinner.
What are you doing?
Fishing.
Oh, great. Then I'm glad
I got the couch stocked.
Oh, look, come on,
I'm not upset with you.
I mean, this was
supposed to be our night,
you know, mine and Kelly's.
I mean, I thought
it meant something to her.
And you think because she
invited Stuart that it doesn't?
It sure didn't seem like it.
So you got mad and left?
No, I was being perfectly
reasonable, Christine.
It was my pigheaded daughter
and that doofus
that she's in love with
that got up and left.
And you were as calm
as you are now?
Absolutely.
Hayden, Stuart is her
boyfriend, and it was her night.
Well, God, Christine,
that's what Kelly said.
Am I the only one that
understands this birthday?
Look, I know how much this
night has always meant to you,
but Kelly has other people
in her life now.
It's not a crime
to want to include them.
I mean, to be honest, I didn't completely
understand why I couldn't be there.
Because no one is supposed to be
there, Christine.
It's a family tradition!
Jeez.
(SIGHING)
I think you have to
accept the fact
that families change, Hayden.
Yeah, but who invites
someone into a family
after they've only known them
a couple of months?
I mean, it's like bringing
a friend home for Christmas.
Well, people do that
all the time.
Yeah, and families hate that,
and the ones that say
they don't are lying.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Hey, great.
Now my night is complete.
I've got the Prince
of Pantomime at my door.
Hi, Stuart. What do you want?
Understanding, sensitivity.
Most of all,
your acceptance.
What, were you raised
by a pack of therapists?
Hayden...
No, where do people learn how
to talk like this, Christine?
Hello, Stuart.
Hello, Ms. Armstrong.
May I come in?
Yeah, all right, all right, all right.
Where's Kelly?
She's in the car.
Actually, she didn't want to
come up here, but I insisted.
Not that I was trying to exert
some sort of male dominance.
How could you?
I just didn't think
we should let the evening pass
without dealing
with the situation.
Should I...
No. Don't make anything, no.
Coach Fox, the thing is...
Don't sit, please.
The thing is,
I think I know
what your problem is.
You see me as the outsider.
What I don't think you realize is how
much a part of Kelly's life I am now.
And, hey, that makes me
a part of your life, too.
We're practically
two boughs of the same tree.
Now, that doesn't mean
you have to love me.
Although you might grow to.
All it means is, I think you'd
really like yourself
a lot more
if you just learn
to accept me.
It just...
It just seems that every time
we're in the same room
together,
we end up
embroiled in conflict.
And emotionally...
Emotionally,
I find that extremely taxing.
Oh, God, Stuart,
don't start crying.
It's all right to cry.
Yeah, I mean,
if you get caught
in a bear trap.
I mean it, Christine. Don't give him any sympathy.
He does this all the time.
Stuart...
What did you do to him?
I don't know, I taxed his emotions
and broiled him in something.
I don't know, I'm just lost.
Are you okay?
I'm fine, Kelly.
I'm fine.
You know, Dad,
I'm so mad at you,
I was going to go home and never
speak to you again. And I mean that.
But Stuart convinced me
to come and talk to you
because he faces things
head on
with strength and conviction
and courage.
(BLOWING NOSE)
But this isn't Stuart's fight.
This is between you and me.
So we might as well
just have this out right now.
Fine!
Fine!
Apologize.
What?
Why should I apologize?
All I was trying to do was just
have the same birthday dinner
we've been having
for the past 19 years.
But without any regard for what
I wanted or what Stuart wanted.
Well, why should I care
what Stuart wants?
(CRYING)
I just explained it to you.
Jeez!
Hey, look, Stuart,
if it wasn't for her mom and me,
you would have been
having dinner alone tonight.
(SOBBING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Oh, jeez,
who the hell could that be?
Hello?
Hi, Beth.
It's your mom.
Beth, why are you crying?
Hang on, hang on just...
She says, you know,
it's your first birthday away from home
and she misses you.
Here, here, talk to her.
Hi, Mom.
Thanks.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
(SNIFFLING)
(CRYING)
Nothing's wrong.
It's just the worst birthday
of my whole life.
Oh, jeez.
Well, Hayden,
you don't have anybody but
yourself to blame for all of this.
If you'd been a little more
sensitive to Kelly's feelings...
Christine, don't start giving
me a lecture on being sensitive.
I don't want to hear it.
I just meant, if you'd been
a little less possessive
and let Stuart
come to dinner...
Well, I didn't want him there!
If I'd wanted to clutter up dinner,
I would've invited you!
Oh, God! Jeez!
Christine, come on,
I didn't mean it.
Coach Fox,
HAYDEN: Okay.
I don't know why we can't just be
one, big family.
I don't want to be a family
with a bunch of weepers!
There's not enough Kleenex
in the whole wide world!
Where are you going?
I'm going to go be a family
all by myself!
Jeez.
Man, Hayden, you are a jerk.
KELLY: Dad, you down there?
Dad?
Kelly, is that you?
Yeah. I had a hunch
you might be here.
(SIGHING) Could I talk
to you for a second?
Yeah, I guess so.
(KELLY SIGHING)
Can I turn on the light?
Yeah.
Thought you never wanted
to see me again.
Yeah, I guess today
didn't really turn out the way
that either of us planned.
I just wanted to say that
after you left, Christine and Stuart
and I had this really good talk.
Jeez, I'm sorry I missed that.
Anyway,
I realized that I was
asking you to apologize,
but I have an apology
to make, too.
I should have told you in
advance that Stuart was coming.
It was wrong not to,
and I'm sorry.
Yeah, that was wrong,
wasn't it?
We should have talked
about it beforehand.
Right, 'cause if we'd talked
about it beforehand,
I wouldn't have
gotten mad tonight.
You would have
gotten mad beforehand.
Right.
Right.
(SIGHING) Well, anyway,
that's all I came to say.
I made my apology.
Well, you must have
lots of things to do,
so I won't take up
any more of your time.
Hey, Kelly, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Before you go...
Hey, you want to open up
your present?
I guess so.
Yeah, yeah,
because before you got here, see,
I was gonna bring it over to you.
You were?
Yeah, I mean, come on, Kelly,
I didn't want
your birthday to go by
without you
opening up your present.
I wanted to say some things
to you, too.
You wanted to apologize?
Well, I didn't want to,
but that's what I was gonna do.
What'd you want to
apologize for?
Well, now, I'm getting to that, Kelly.
Just, you know...
See, apologies are hard,
sweetheart,
especially
when you've been wrong.
I guess...
(COUGHS) What I'm trying to say
is, Kelly,
you know,
if I wrecked your birthday...
I mean, I didn't mean to.
You know, I'm always the one
that's going out of my way
to make these
birthdays special, you know.
And the last thing
I want to do is ruin one.
I mean, I've always been there for
you on your birthday, haven't I?
Yeah.
And no matter where I was,
no matter what I was doing,
I was always there, huh?
I mean,
I flew through a blizzard,
I mean, I slept on a bus.
And there was that one time I even hitchhiked
all the way from Akron.
All the way from Akron.
Right. Never made a big deal
about it at all, huh?
'Cause all I wanted to do is just
show how much I care about you.
Is that the apology?
Well, it's like
the beginning of it, see.
Now, I've been sitting here
and I've been thinking about
all those trips,
and I realized
you know,
how good they made me feel.
You know, in fact,
it seems like the harder they
were the better I felt, and...
Okay, like the time I was
in the little Cessna, right,
and the wings started
icing up, and then...
I don't want to worry you now,
because, I mean, we landed.
But the thing is, Kelly,
all those years, see,
I mean, I...
I wasn't with you,
you know,
and I've just been feeling
guilty about all that time
that I wasn't spending with
you when you were growing up.
Well, I know you always
said that.
I guess I was never sure
if you really meant it.
Oh, honey, I meant it.
All right, I may not do
all the feelings well, Kelly,
but I've got a lock on guilt,
baby.
I mean, that's why I've always made such
a big deal out of your birthday, honey.
I mean, it always made me feel
less guilty.
(SIGHING)
Is that the apology?
Not exactly.
See, I guess what I'm
trying to say is, Kelly,
you know,
it's like when Stuart...
Well, when he, you know,
came to that dinner,
I mean, it felt like he was...
He was taking away
my chance to...
To be the one that makes your birthday special.
And it felt like...
It felt like he was...
He was taking you.
Hey, it's selfish on my part,
all right. Okay, okay.
And that's why I got upset.
Is that the apology?
No.
The apology is,
I'm sorry.
Oh. Well, apology accepted.
Phew! All right, well,
that wasn't too hard, was it?
You know, Dad...
It's not over, is it, honey?
No. I was just going to
say that
we're together
all the time now,
and you don't have to feel
guilty anymore.
And maybe...
Maybe my birthday
can start becoming
just my birthday.
All right.
Happy birthday, Kelly!
Thank you!
(GIGGLING)
Oh, Dad, this is really
wrapped beautifully.
Yeah, thanks.
Tell Ms. Thorkelson
I appreciate it.
1 will.
All right.
Wow!
A bronzed toe shoe
that stands on its own.
Yeah, yeah. Look, Kelly,
there's two of them, see.
Oh, yeah, I see.
They're bookends.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
I had them made special.
You like them?
Yeah, I love them.
And I know just where
I'm gonna put them.
See, now, maybe your birthday
wasn't such a disaster
after all, huh?
Yeah, I think we managed
to salvage most of it.
Oh, as a matter of fact,
there's a couple hours
of my birthday left.
You want to go back
to the Touchdown Club?
Just the two of us?
Well,
as nice as that would be,
why don't we call Stuart and
Christine and have them join us?
That's what you really want,
huh?
It's your birthday.