Coach (1989–1997): Season 1, Episode 8 - Parents' Weekend - full transcript
It's Parents' Weekend and Christine feels an urge to meet Hayden's ex-wife.
FEMALE NARRATOR: Coach is
filmed before a studio audience.
When a mother
gives me her son...
And that's what
you'll be doing
if Livingston comes to play
football for us in Minnesota State.
I consider that
an act of faith,
you see, and that's not
something that I take lightly.
I think Dauber here
can attest to that.
You see, I call him Dauber
because, well, the way he's built,
he's always reminded me
of a mud dauber.
At any rate,
a few years back when I was
recruiting this young man
to play for the Screaming
Eagles, his mom was very ill.
In fact, she was more than
ill, she was dying.
And, well, her last wish
for her son was
to see him graduate
from college,
and she knew she wasn't going
to be around to guarantee that.
So, on the final day of
high-school recruiting that year,
I went to see Dauber's mother
in the hospital.
And right there,
in front of her
and those doctors
and God,
I promised her that I'd see
to it that he'd do just that.
That was seven years ago.
And even though Dauber's mother
never lived to see that graduation,
I never forgot
the promise that I made.
And next year...
Maybe the year after...
Whenever Dauber finally has enough
credits, he is going to graduate.
And I don't mind telling you,
when that day comes, there is going
to be a lump in this guy's throat.
And I'll tell you
something else.
I think America is going to have
itself one hell of a gym instructor.
Where do we sign, Mr. Fox?
Right here, Mrs. Dupree.
Who's that?
The Fox.
And what does
the Fox want?
What does the Fox want
every Sunday morning?
The same thing
he had Saturday night.
Well, this morning
the Fox wants pancakes.
(PHONE RINGING)
I'll get them started.
Fox's den.
Oh, Beth. Hi.
This is a pleasant surprise.
No, I'm not being sarcastic.
It's always a pleasure
to talk to my ex-wife.
That wasn't sarcastic,
either.
Nothing, I'm just
sitting around cleaning fish.
(MOUTHING INAUDIBLY)
Parents' Weekend?
Yeah, I figured you were
coming and I'm delighted.
We'll have dinner.
It'll be great.
Listen, I appreciate the warning...
l mean the call.
Right.
I'll talk to you Saturday.
Yeah. Bye-bye.
That was Beth.
Why didn't you
tell her I was here?
It didn't come up.
Fish came up.
Okay, okay, okay,
I'm sorry I called you a fish.
Let's not let it
spoil our Sunday, huh?
Are you upset because I'm going
to have dinner with my ex-wife?
I mean, it's Parents' Weekend, you
know, I mean, I got to do it for Kelly.
I am upset because you don't
seem to have any problem
telling me about Beth.
You do seem to have a
problem telling her about me.
Well, there is a very good reason
why I don't tell her about you.
And I'm sure when you think of
it, you'll let me know.
You two have traveled
different routes in your lives.
You know, you've had
a very successful career.
Beth's had
an unsuccessful marriage.
And you've worked hard to keep yourself
together, you know, and young
and beautiful and firm.
Well, I mean, you know,
part of being a newscaster is looking good.
And for Beth, you know,
looking good is not part of being a mother.
Hayden, what are you
talking about?
Beth is fat.
What?
Well, I mean,
she doesn't weigh 500 pounds,
but she is not bantam weight,
let me tell you.
And she's put some pounds on over the
years, and she can't feel good about that.
Now if she heard
that I am dating you,
you know, someone who is,
well, obviously successful
and attractive
and firm.
Well, I don't think she'd
feel very good about it.
I mean, you can understand
that, can't you?
Well, sure, I guess I can.
Do you want me to drive up to
Minneapolis late Saturday night?
No, no. That's okay.
I don't want you
on the road that late.
Besides, you told Beth
you'd have dinner with her.
From the way you describe her,
that could take a while.
Well, I got to tell you,
it's a pleasure meeting
you, Mr. and Mrs. Clark,
and it's a real pleasure to
have Jeff on our football team.
Oh, we're sure
proud of Jeff,
and really looking forward to
seeing him play this afternoon.
Well, you know,
anything's possible.
Coach, you got a minute?
Hey, Daub, yeah.
What is it? Come on in.
My dad just wanted to say hi.
Hi, Coach.
Mr. Dybinsky. How are you?
Long time no see.
It's Parents' Weekend.
It's getting to be like old home week for me.
Yeah, what is this now,
your seventh one?
Yeah. I told Dad this could
be the year I graduate.
Yeah.
Well, like I was telling the Clarks
here, anything's possible.
Hey, Christine.
(WHISPERING) Hey, Christine.
What's the matter?
I just don't want Hayden to
know that I'm here. How come?
This is really stupid, I know,
but Beth is coming down
for Parents' Weekend
and I know she's coming
by the office, and...
Oh, God. This is
really embarrassing.
I just wanted to get
a look at her.
How come?
Well, I just have to see
how they look together.
Don't tell Hayden
any of this.
I can't believe I drove all the way
down from Minneapolis to do this.
This is really insecure,
isn't it? I better go.
Hey, don't go on my account.
I just came to get on of these
"Hello, my name is" stickers.
Doesn't everybody
know who you are, Luther?
Yeah, but I got a stain
on my coat.
That'll throw them.
(DOOR OPENING)
Hey! So, anyway, this is the...
Hey! How you doing, Hayden?
Hi, gang,
nice to see you.
Didn't know you were here, Luther.
I'm here.
This is the team
meeting room, everybody.
And, Luther, you remember
Mr. Dybinsky back there, don't you?
Hey, Dybinsky.
Hello, again.
Nice to see you.
This is our defensive coordinator, Luther Van Dam.
These are the Clarks, Luther.
Well, what we have here
is the team meeting room.
Now, this is where the team
gathers before the game
and they meet here.
I see.
Mr. Dybinsky, would you like
to carry the tour on from here?
Oh, sure.
(CLEARS THROAT)
If you'll all follow me,
I'll show you the players' lounge.
That's where
the players lounge.
You all right, Luther?
Yeah. Just got
a stain on my coat.
Well...
I just don't know how a person
could feel any more ridiculous.
I guess if I had
a stain on my pants...
Luther, I meant me.
I really think
I've lost my mind.
I'm just going to go
back to Minneapolis
and try to remember that calm and
capable person I was this morning.
You want me to let you know
how it goes with Beth?
Oh, would you, please?
I hate Parents' Weekend.
Any sign of Beth yet?
No, Kelly said they'd be
here around noon, though.
So, how you feeling?
You remember that time
we played Michigan,
we lost 55 to nothing,
and I threw up in the post-game interview?
Yeah. Yeah, not as good as that.
Uh, Dad.
Hey, Kelly.
I've been waiting for you.
Where's your mom?
She's down the hall.
She just wanted to make sure you
were alone before she came in.
Well, it's just
me and Luther.
Yeah, okay.
I'll go get her.
My God, how big is she?
I'm out of here.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, I'm sure
there's room for all of us.
You ready?
Yeah.
Sheesh.
Hello, Hayden.
Beth?
Well, doesn't
she look great?
You look fantastic.
Have you been sick?
No, I feel great.
Well, I mean,
it sure shows.
It's nice to see
you again, Luther.
Nice to see you, Beth. You really...
That dress really fits.
Guys, you're embarrassing her.
No, they're not.
Well, I just can't
believe it.
I mean, the last time
I saw you, I mean,
I know it's been a few years,
but you don't look anything like you did then. I mean,
you look like
the girl I married.
Well, I'm not.
I'm the girl you divorced.
Right, well,
I guess I had that coming, didn't 1?
So,
what's on the agenda
for today?
Well, we're gonna play the
game, of course.
We've got the game
we have to play.
And then I do a little
team thing after that.
Have your legs gotten longer?
I don't think so.
Yeah. Well, then I made
reservations at the Touchdown Club.
We're gonna have
an early dinner.
I hope that's okay
with everybody.
Well, I'm up for anything
you guys want to do.
Will you be joining us,
Luther?
No. After a game, I always kind of
like to get my mind off football.
I have dinner
with the other coaches.
So, then, we'll meet you
back here about 5:00?
Yeah, perfect.
Well, good luck
this afternoon.
Well, thank you.
It's good
to see you again, Hayden.
It's good to see you, Beth.
Come on, Mom.
There's lots of stuff I want to
show you before the game, okay?
See you guys later.
Bye, Luther.
Nice to see you, Beth.
Boy, does she look great.
I wonder if she quit her job
at the pancake house?
Would you like
another iced tea?
No, thank you.
Hey, Coach!
Good game today.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Excuse me, do I know you
from somewhere?
I don't think so.
No, that's not a line. I mean,
I really think I've seen you someplace before.
No, you haven't.
Wait a minute.
Wait, I know
who you look like.
The lady on the news.
What's her name...
Christine Armstrong.
I'm not her.
Yes, you are.
You're Christine Armstrong.
Hey, everybody,
we got a celebrity here!
It's Christine Armstrong.
Hi.
Well, good night.
(WHISPERING) Dad, what's going on?
I don't know.
But I'm going to go find out.
I'll be back in a minute.
Christine, wait!
Oh, Hayden, hi.
I have to run.
Give me a call on Monday, okay?
Hold on, hold on.
What are you doing here?
Will you just let me go?
We're making a scene.
Fine. Well, let's go
over here and talk in private.
All right. Fine. Now.
We can talk in private.
Now, what the hell is going on?
What do you think is going on?
lam making a fool of myself.
Do you have a problem
with that?
Excuse me, Coach.
What is it, Mr. Clark?
I need my coat.
Number 74.
It's the down-filled
stadium jacket
with the Screaming Eagle
arm band.
Thanks.
Hey, thank you.
So much for privacy.
Christine.
I'm not letting you
leave here
until you tell me what
the hell is going on.
Now, whatever it is,
I'll understand.
I wanted to see Beth.
Are you nuts?
Oh, good. You do understand.
No, listen, I'm sorry.
But why would you want to see Beth?
Because she's the woman
you used to love.
I know that was
16 years ago,
but I just had to see how the
two of you looked together.
By the way,
my heart really goes out to you
for having to spend
the day with a woman
as grossly obese
as Beth.
If that is your idea of
fat, what am 1? A bus?
Listen, I had no idea
she looked that great.
So, you admit
she looks great.
Christine, the whole restaurant
thinks she looks great.
This isn't my coat.
That isn't mine, either.
But I'll take it.
Well,
I think I've had about all the
humiliation I can stand for one day.
Hold on. Christine,
you can't run out now.
Now, you at least got to come over
to the table and just meet Beth.
I am not coming over
to the table and meet Beth.
God, I look like a frump.
A soggy, sweaty,
neurotic frump.
She knows that.
She's already seen you.
Oh, listen.
Christine, I'm not calling you a frump, but I mean,
you got to come over to the table.
I mean, if you don't,
then she's going to think
you're afraid to meet her.
Come on.
I want to show you off.
All right.
I've been humiliated this much,
I might as well go all the way.
Just promise me
that all I have to do is say a
quick hello and then I can leave.
I promise.
Wait.
How does my hair look?
Keep the hood up.
Well, well,
well, well. Yeah.
What a crazy coincidence.
Beth, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.
Yeah, Kelly
already told me.
Hi, I'm Beth Fox.
So nice to meet you.
Would you like to join us?
(BOTH)
Christine's got to get back.
You know, she's an
anchorwoman in Minneapolis.
Yes, so Kelly said.
Must be very exciting work.
Very. Yeah, yeah.
She's just up here doing a report on...
women's winter wear.
Much as I'd love to stay,
I'm sure the three of you want to
get on with your family reunion.
Well, look,
I'll walk you out.
Thank you, no.
I'm sure I'm capable of finding
the door without any help.
Good night, everyone.
Oh, my God! I am so sorry.
I'm sorry. I need a towel.
And I'll need a broom.
Well, you know,
there's really not much
to see here, Beth.
That's my kitchen there,
you know.
And the bedroom's
right in there.
And over here
is the television.
This is where I spend most of my
time, is right in this area here.
Well, down there
is where I keep my boat.
Then, right out here,
in the summer,
I just put my hammock up
between those two trees.
Who owns the tire swing?
Luther put that up.
To swing?
No, of course not. No, come on.
We throw footballs through it, you know?
Well, it's a place you
always dreamed of, Hayden.
It's quiet.
Out of the way.
Just slightly adolescent.
I'm happy for you.
Well, thank you.
Thank you. Yeah.
You know, I don't want to beat this to
death, but I got to tell you, Beth.
You really do look terrific.
Thank you.
And, you know,
I'm surprised Kelly never said anything.
I mean, how long have you
looked like that?
Like this?
Since Tuesday.
I mean, I started six months ago,
but I got to this on Tuesday.
Why'd you do it?
I needed motivation,
that's for sure.
The minute Kelly was accepted
to Minnesota State,
I knew there'd be a Parents'
Weekend and I'd be seeing you again.
You mean,
you did all this for me?
Dear, self-absorbed Hayden.
No, I did it for me.
I spent the last 16 years of my
life feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn't about to come up here
and have you feel sorry for me.
And you know,
I don't think you did.
If anything, I was the one
feeling sorry for you today.
And for Christine.
You both had kind of a rough
afternoon because of me.
Well, I really don't think
it was your fault.
Oh, no. I want it to be.
And now that I've had my fun,
I think I should go.
You know,
I have to get back
and meet Kelly.
Besides, I worry about Christine.
Why?
Because she's sitting
out there in her car.
I mean, at least
I think that's her.
I recognize the parka.
Yeah, that's her,
all right.
Well, you know, she's a lot more
together than she seems, you know?
She would have to be.
Well, listen,
I'll see you tomorrow before I go.
I still want to talk
to you about Kelly.
What about her?
Just...
the way
you're handling things.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
What am I doing wrong?
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Now, what the hell
did she mean by that?
What am I doing wrong?
Every time I talk to that
woman it is something.
I mean, if it's not my
adolescence, then it's Kelly.
If it's not Kelly, then it's something else.
I mean, come on.
Hey, Christine.
Hi.
No. No. Hi, Christine!
Hey!
What a surprise.
What are you doing here?
Well, probably making
things worse.
Do you have anything hot
I could drink?
Yeah, come on.
You want some coffee?
Anything on the stove
I'd be interested in.
Gee, I thought you'd be on
your way to Minneapolis by now.
Well, I couldn't
drive back after
what happened
in the restaurant.
I felt I had a little unfinished
business to take care of.
I wanted to deal with it head
on, like a mature adult.
So ll drove
over here instead
and hid in my car
until Beth left.
Oh, I hope to God
she didn't see me.
No, I don't think she did.
Hayden.
Hmm.
The thing that bothers me
most about today
is not that I made
a fool of myself.
What bothers me
the most is that
until today,
I have been perfectly happy
with what has been,
basically,
a wonderfully physical and
totally noncommittal relationship.
Yeah, me, too.
Let me finish.
All right.
We've always been very clear
that this was a weekend thing.
You know,
no real investment.
Nothing that either one of us
couldn't live without.
But now,
in doing what I did today,
I feel that
I've changed all of that.
I feel that I've taken
a step toward you
that you haven't
taken toward me.
And it would really help me,
if you could do something
or say something,
that would make me feel
that I'm not out here
all by myself.
All right.
You're looking
for where I stand.
Yes.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, Christine,
I think it's pretty obvious
where I stand. I mean,
I care an awful lot
about you,
and, you know, gosh, it, well,
made me feel pretty good today when
you were willing to act goofy
just for me, I mean...
You don't want me to do
something goofy back, do you?
No, I think we've had enough
goofy for one day.
I guess I need to know that
when you were with Beth today,
there were no regrets.
The only regret I had
was that I wasn't going to be
with you this weekend.
Well, then, I feel better.
Are you sure?
Because if you don't,
I mean, I could keep on going.
No, that's fine, Hayden.
We don't want to get sloppy.
You want to stay the night?
I think I have to.
I'm out of gas.
filmed before a studio audience.
When a mother
gives me her son...
And that's what
you'll be doing
if Livingston comes to play
football for us in Minnesota State.
I consider that
an act of faith,
you see, and that's not
something that I take lightly.
I think Dauber here
can attest to that.
You see, I call him Dauber
because, well, the way he's built,
he's always reminded me
of a mud dauber.
At any rate,
a few years back when I was
recruiting this young man
to play for the Screaming
Eagles, his mom was very ill.
In fact, she was more than
ill, she was dying.
And, well, her last wish
for her son was
to see him graduate
from college,
and she knew she wasn't going
to be around to guarantee that.
So, on the final day of
high-school recruiting that year,
I went to see Dauber's mother
in the hospital.
And right there,
in front of her
and those doctors
and God,
I promised her that I'd see
to it that he'd do just that.
That was seven years ago.
And even though Dauber's mother
never lived to see that graduation,
I never forgot
the promise that I made.
And next year...
Maybe the year after...
Whenever Dauber finally has enough
credits, he is going to graduate.
And I don't mind telling you,
when that day comes, there is going
to be a lump in this guy's throat.
And I'll tell you
something else.
I think America is going to have
itself one hell of a gym instructor.
Where do we sign, Mr. Fox?
Right here, Mrs. Dupree.
Who's that?
The Fox.
And what does
the Fox want?
What does the Fox want
every Sunday morning?
The same thing
he had Saturday night.
Well, this morning
the Fox wants pancakes.
(PHONE RINGING)
I'll get them started.
Fox's den.
Oh, Beth. Hi.
This is a pleasant surprise.
No, I'm not being sarcastic.
It's always a pleasure
to talk to my ex-wife.
That wasn't sarcastic,
either.
Nothing, I'm just
sitting around cleaning fish.
(MOUTHING INAUDIBLY)
Parents' Weekend?
Yeah, I figured you were
coming and I'm delighted.
We'll have dinner.
It'll be great.
Listen, I appreciate the warning...
l mean the call.
Right.
I'll talk to you Saturday.
Yeah. Bye-bye.
That was Beth.
Why didn't you
tell her I was here?
It didn't come up.
Fish came up.
Okay, okay, okay,
I'm sorry I called you a fish.
Let's not let it
spoil our Sunday, huh?
Are you upset because I'm going
to have dinner with my ex-wife?
I mean, it's Parents' Weekend, you
know, I mean, I got to do it for Kelly.
I am upset because you don't
seem to have any problem
telling me about Beth.
You do seem to have a
problem telling her about me.
Well, there is a very good reason
why I don't tell her about you.
And I'm sure when you think of
it, you'll let me know.
You two have traveled
different routes in your lives.
You know, you've had
a very successful career.
Beth's had
an unsuccessful marriage.
And you've worked hard to keep yourself
together, you know, and young
and beautiful and firm.
Well, I mean, you know,
part of being a newscaster is looking good.
And for Beth, you know,
looking good is not part of being a mother.
Hayden, what are you
talking about?
Beth is fat.
What?
Well, I mean,
she doesn't weigh 500 pounds,
but she is not bantam weight,
let me tell you.
And she's put some pounds on over the
years, and she can't feel good about that.
Now if she heard
that I am dating you,
you know, someone who is,
well, obviously successful
and attractive
and firm.
Well, I don't think she'd
feel very good about it.
I mean, you can understand
that, can't you?
Well, sure, I guess I can.
Do you want me to drive up to
Minneapolis late Saturday night?
No, no. That's okay.
I don't want you
on the road that late.
Besides, you told Beth
you'd have dinner with her.
From the way you describe her,
that could take a while.
Well, I got to tell you,
it's a pleasure meeting
you, Mr. and Mrs. Clark,
and it's a real pleasure to
have Jeff on our football team.
Oh, we're sure
proud of Jeff,
and really looking forward to
seeing him play this afternoon.
Well, you know,
anything's possible.
Coach, you got a minute?
Hey, Daub, yeah.
What is it? Come on in.
My dad just wanted to say hi.
Hi, Coach.
Mr. Dybinsky. How are you?
Long time no see.
It's Parents' Weekend.
It's getting to be like old home week for me.
Yeah, what is this now,
your seventh one?
Yeah. I told Dad this could
be the year I graduate.
Yeah.
Well, like I was telling the Clarks
here, anything's possible.
Hey, Christine.
(WHISPERING) Hey, Christine.
What's the matter?
I just don't want Hayden to
know that I'm here. How come?
This is really stupid, I know,
but Beth is coming down
for Parents' Weekend
and I know she's coming
by the office, and...
Oh, God. This is
really embarrassing.
I just wanted to get
a look at her.
How come?
Well, I just have to see
how they look together.
Don't tell Hayden
any of this.
I can't believe I drove all the way
down from Minneapolis to do this.
This is really insecure,
isn't it? I better go.
Hey, don't go on my account.
I just came to get on of these
"Hello, my name is" stickers.
Doesn't everybody
know who you are, Luther?
Yeah, but I got a stain
on my coat.
That'll throw them.
(DOOR OPENING)
Hey! So, anyway, this is the...
Hey! How you doing, Hayden?
Hi, gang,
nice to see you.
Didn't know you were here, Luther.
I'm here.
This is the team
meeting room, everybody.
And, Luther, you remember
Mr. Dybinsky back there, don't you?
Hey, Dybinsky.
Hello, again.
Nice to see you.
This is our defensive coordinator, Luther Van Dam.
These are the Clarks, Luther.
Well, what we have here
is the team meeting room.
Now, this is where the team
gathers before the game
and they meet here.
I see.
Mr. Dybinsky, would you like
to carry the tour on from here?
Oh, sure.
(CLEARS THROAT)
If you'll all follow me,
I'll show you the players' lounge.
That's where
the players lounge.
You all right, Luther?
Yeah. Just got
a stain on my coat.
Well...
I just don't know how a person
could feel any more ridiculous.
I guess if I had
a stain on my pants...
Luther, I meant me.
I really think
I've lost my mind.
I'm just going to go
back to Minneapolis
and try to remember that calm and
capable person I was this morning.
You want me to let you know
how it goes with Beth?
Oh, would you, please?
I hate Parents' Weekend.
Any sign of Beth yet?
No, Kelly said they'd be
here around noon, though.
So, how you feeling?
You remember that time
we played Michigan,
we lost 55 to nothing,
and I threw up in the post-game interview?
Yeah. Yeah, not as good as that.
Uh, Dad.
Hey, Kelly.
I've been waiting for you.
Where's your mom?
She's down the hall.
She just wanted to make sure you
were alone before she came in.
Well, it's just
me and Luther.
Yeah, okay.
I'll go get her.
My God, how big is she?
I'm out of here.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, I'm sure
there's room for all of us.
You ready?
Yeah.
Sheesh.
Hello, Hayden.
Beth?
Well, doesn't
she look great?
You look fantastic.
Have you been sick?
No, I feel great.
Well, I mean,
it sure shows.
It's nice to see
you again, Luther.
Nice to see you, Beth. You really...
That dress really fits.
Guys, you're embarrassing her.
No, they're not.
Well, I just can't
believe it.
I mean, the last time
I saw you, I mean,
I know it's been a few years,
but you don't look anything like you did then. I mean,
you look like
the girl I married.
Well, I'm not.
I'm the girl you divorced.
Right, well,
I guess I had that coming, didn't 1?
So,
what's on the agenda
for today?
Well, we're gonna play the
game, of course.
We've got the game
we have to play.
And then I do a little
team thing after that.
Have your legs gotten longer?
I don't think so.
Yeah. Well, then I made
reservations at the Touchdown Club.
We're gonna have
an early dinner.
I hope that's okay
with everybody.
Well, I'm up for anything
you guys want to do.
Will you be joining us,
Luther?
No. After a game, I always kind of
like to get my mind off football.
I have dinner
with the other coaches.
So, then, we'll meet you
back here about 5:00?
Yeah, perfect.
Well, good luck
this afternoon.
Well, thank you.
It's good
to see you again, Hayden.
It's good to see you, Beth.
Come on, Mom.
There's lots of stuff I want to
show you before the game, okay?
See you guys later.
Bye, Luther.
Nice to see you, Beth.
Boy, does she look great.
I wonder if she quit her job
at the pancake house?
Would you like
another iced tea?
No, thank you.
Hey, Coach!
Good game today.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Excuse me, do I know you
from somewhere?
I don't think so.
No, that's not a line. I mean,
I really think I've seen you someplace before.
No, you haven't.
Wait a minute.
Wait, I know
who you look like.
The lady on the news.
What's her name...
Christine Armstrong.
I'm not her.
Yes, you are.
You're Christine Armstrong.
Hey, everybody,
we got a celebrity here!
It's Christine Armstrong.
Hi.
Well, good night.
(WHISPERING) Dad, what's going on?
I don't know.
But I'm going to go find out.
I'll be back in a minute.
Christine, wait!
Oh, Hayden, hi.
I have to run.
Give me a call on Monday, okay?
Hold on, hold on.
What are you doing here?
Will you just let me go?
We're making a scene.
Fine. Well, let's go
over here and talk in private.
All right. Fine. Now.
We can talk in private.
Now, what the hell is going on?
What do you think is going on?
lam making a fool of myself.
Do you have a problem
with that?
Excuse me, Coach.
What is it, Mr. Clark?
I need my coat.
Number 74.
It's the down-filled
stadium jacket
with the Screaming Eagle
arm band.
Thanks.
Hey, thank you.
So much for privacy.
Christine.
I'm not letting you
leave here
until you tell me what
the hell is going on.
Now, whatever it is,
I'll understand.
I wanted to see Beth.
Are you nuts?
Oh, good. You do understand.
No, listen, I'm sorry.
But why would you want to see Beth?
Because she's the woman
you used to love.
I know that was
16 years ago,
but I just had to see how the
two of you looked together.
By the way,
my heart really goes out to you
for having to spend
the day with a woman
as grossly obese
as Beth.
If that is your idea of
fat, what am 1? A bus?
Listen, I had no idea
she looked that great.
So, you admit
she looks great.
Christine, the whole restaurant
thinks she looks great.
This isn't my coat.
That isn't mine, either.
But I'll take it.
Well,
I think I've had about all the
humiliation I can stand for one day.
Hold on. Christine,
you can't run out now.
Now, you at least got to come over
to the table and just meet Beth.
I am not coming over
to the table and meet Beth.
God, I look like a frump.
A soggy, sweaty,
neurotic frump.
She knows that.
She's already seen you.
Oh, listen.
Christine, I'm not calling you a frump, but I mean,
you got to come over to the table.
I mean, if you don't,
then she's going to think
you're afraid to meet her.
Come on.
I want to show you off.
All right.
I've been humiliated this much,
I might as well go all the way.
Just promise me
that all I have to do is say a
quick hello and then I can leave.
I promise.
Wait.
How does my hair look?
Keep the hood up.
Well, well,
well, well. Yeah.
What a crazy coincidence.
Beth, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.
Yeah, Kelly
already told me.
Hi, I'm Beth Fox.
So nice to meet you.
Would you like to join us?
(BOTH)
Christine's got to get back.
You know, she's an
anchorwoman in Minneapolis.
Yes, so Kelly said.
Must be very exciting work.
Very. Yeah, yeah.
She's just up here doing a report on...
women's winter wear.
Much as I'd love to stay,
I'm sure the three of you want to
get on with your family reunion.
Well, look,
I'll walk you out.
Thank you, no.
I'm sure I'm capable of finding
the door without any help.
Good night, everyone.
Oh, my God! I am so sorry.
I'm sorry. I need a towel.
And I'll need a broom.
Well, you know,
there's really not much
to see here, Beth.
That's my kitchen there,
you know.
And the bedroom's
right in there.
And over here
is the television.
This is where I spend most of my
time, is right in this area here.
Well, down there
is where I keep my boat.
Then, right out here,
in the summer,
I just put my hammock up
between those two trees.
Who owns the tire swing?
Luther put that up.
To swing?
No, of course not. No, come on.
We throw footballs through it, you know?
Well, it's a place you
always dreamed of, Hayden.
It's quiet.
Out of the way.
Just slightly adolescent.
I'm happy for you.
Well, thank you.
Thank you. Yeah.
You know, I don't want to beat this to
death, but I got to tell you, Beth.
You really do look terrific.
Thank you.
And, you know,
I'm surprised Kelly never said anything.
I mean, how long have you
looked like that?
Like this?
Since Tuesday.
I mean, I started six months ago,
but I got to this on Tuesday.
Why'd you do it?
I needed motivation,
that's for sure.
The minute Kelly was accepted
to Minnesota State,
I knew there'd be a Parents'
Weekend and I'd be seeing you again.
You mean,
you did all this for me?
Dear, self-absorbed Hayden.
No, I did it for me.
I spent the last 16 years of my
life feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn't about to come up here
and have you feel sorry for me.
And you know,
I don't think you did.
If anything, I was the one
feeling sorry for you today.
And for Christine.
You both had kind of a rough
afternoon because of me.
Well, I really don't think
it was your fault.
Oh, no. I want it to be.
And now that I've had my fun,
I think I should go.
You know,
I have to get back
and meet Kelly.
Besides, I worry about Christine.
Why?
Because she's sitting
out there in her car.
I mean, at least
I think that's her.
I recognize the parka.
Yeah, that's her,
all right.
Well, you know, she's a lot more
together than she seems, you know?
She would have to be.
Well, listen,
I'll see you tomorrow before I go.
I still want to talk
to you about Kelly.
What about her?
Just...
the way
you're handling things.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
What am I doing wrong?
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Now, what the hell
did she mean by that?
What am I doing wrong?
Every time I talk to that
woman it is something.
I mean, if it's not my
adolescence, then it's Kelly.
If it's not Kelly, then it's something else.
I mean, come on.
Hey, Christine.
Hi.
No. No. Hi, Christine!
Hey!
What a surprise.
What are you doing here?
Well, probably making
things worse.
Do you have anything hot
I could drink?
Yeah, come on.
You want some coffee?
Anything on the stove
I'd be interested in.
Gee, I thought you'd be on
your way to Minneapolis by now.
Well, I couldn't
drive back after
what happened
in the restaurant.
I felt I had a little unfinished
business to take care of.
I wanted to deal with it head
on, like a mature adult.
So ll drove
over here instead
and hid in my car
until Beth left.
Oh, I hope to God
she didn't see me.
No, I don't think she did.
Hayden.
Hmm.
The thing that bothers me
most about today
is not that I made
a fool of myself.
What bothers me
the most is that
until today,
I have been perfectly happy
with what has been,
basically,
a wonderfully physical and
totally noncommittal relationship.
Yeah, me, too.
Let me finish.
All right.
We've always been very clear
that this was a weekend thing.
You know,
no real investment.
Nothing that either one of us
couldn't live without.
But now,
in doing what I did today,
I feel that
I've changed all of that.
I feel that I've taken
a step toward you
that you haven't
taken toward me.
And it would really help me,
if you could do something
or say something,
that would make me feel
that I'm not out here
all by myself.
All right.
You're looking
for where I stand.
Yes.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, Christine,
I think it's pretty obvious
where I stand. I mean,
I care an awful lot
about you,
and, you know, gosh, it, well,
made me feel pretty good today when
you were willing to act goofy
just for me, I mean...
You don't want me to do
something goofy back, do you?
No, I think we've had enough
goofy for one day.
I guess I need to know that
when you were with Beth today,
there were no regrets.
The only regret I had
was that I wasn't going to be
with you this weekend.
Well, then, I feel better.
Are you sure?
Because if you don't,
I mean, I could keep on going.
No, that's fine, Hayden.
We don't want to get sloppy.
You want to stay the night?
I think I have to.
I'm out of gas.