Coach (1989–1997): Season 1, Episode 3 - Kelly, Meet Christine - full transcript
Hayden tries to acknowledge his relationship with Christine just as she becomes friends with Kelly.
WOMAN: Coach is filmed
before a studio audience.
The Buckeye
game films are in.
Great. Well, call
the other coaches
and tell them we're gonna be
watching movies tonight. Uh-huh.
Hey, by the way,
Daub.
What's with
the cap there, huh?
Huh?
Oh, nothing.
I've just decided to start wearing
one, that's all.
Oh. Hey, Daub?
Something the matter
with your head there?
(SIGHING)
It's my hair.
What's the matter with it?
I don't have it anymore.
Well, see,
I heard you and Luther talking about how
the team needed some unity this year.
And I remember
when I was playing,
how we had
that same problem once,
and how a bunch of us got
together and shaved our heads.
I remember that.
You all looked like a bunch of cue balls.
Yeah.
So anyway, last night I was
telling some of our players that,
and they all thought
it sounded like a neat idea,
and they all thought
I should go first.
Then they all
changed their minds.
Aw, jeez, Dauber.
Hayden, can I jump.
In here a minute?
I think I can handle this.
Daub, the most important
thing a coach can have
is the respect
of his players.
You have to remember,
even though you're still in school,
you're a coach now.
I mean, you let the players
make a fool out of you,
you're gonna lose
their respect.
I mean, you don't see Hayden and I letting
them make a fool out of us, do you?
Uh-uh.
That's why you don't see us
without our hair.
Boy, I tell you,
listen to him, Daub.
When it comes to respect,
no one has more than Luther.
(BOYS LAUGHING)
Come on, you guys,
that's not funny!
HAYDEN: You know, we got a lot of
work to do between now and Saturday.
I wanna eat, sleep,
and drink the Buckeyes for the next six days.
I don't want anybody even
thinking about taking a night off.
Surprise.
Wow, Christine!
Hey, what are you
doing here?
I know I didn't call first.
Are you super busy?
No, we're not busy at all.
Come on in. Come on in.
Hey, Luther. Come on.
Nice talking to you,
Christine.
Are you sure
this isn't a bad time?
No, this is great time.
Oh!
Are you kidding?
I mean, at least
I think it's a great time.
You're not here to break up
with me, are you?
All right, great! God.
(LAUGHING) How come
you're not in Minneapolis?
Oh, well, we're doing
a report on a milk tanker
that overturned
a few miles from here,
and traffic is backed up
halfway to Bloomington.
(TSKING) 1 go on the
air live at 5:00.
And if you are free,
I could be live at 6:30 as well.
You mean
you can stay the night?
If you're free.
I'll get free.
Wow, on a Monday.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, I love this.
Yeah, thank God
for reckless truckers.
I'll see you tonight.
All right. I can't wait.
Monday. What a treat.
Christine gone?
Yeah, yeah. She had to
go cover a story, there.
You know, guys,
I've been thinking. I...
I haven't been
very responsible as a coach.
What do you mean?
Well, you know,
I was in there talking to Christine,
and she's got to
cover this story
about the terrible accident
on the highway.
And it suddenly hit me, you know,
what if I were in an accident?
What would you guys
do on Saturday?
You mean
about the game?
I guess we'd wear those
little black armbands.
No, see, I meant
something a little different than that.
I mean...
Well, you'd still have to
play the game without me,
and I haven't prepared you to do
that and that's not very responsible.
I mean, I need to include you guys
more in the decision-making process.
Great.
Right. So here's what
I've decided to do.
Now, you guys are gonna watch these
game films tonight without me.
You're gonna decide how we're
gonna play the Buckeyes.
You're gonna be
me tonight, Luth.
Everybody is gonna move up.
Your assistant is you,
his assistant is him...
Who am I, Coach?
You're a cue ball.
Right.
Now doesn't that sound
like a good idea?
It sounds like a great idea.
So you're gonna see Christine, huh?
Yeah, yeah, but that's not
the reason I'm doing this.
I am doing this
for the team.
My spirit is gonna be here
with you tonight. Right.
It's just my body that's
gonna be with Christine.
Anybody here?
Kelly?
Oh.
Hey, sweetheart.
There you are.
I just stopped by to find out
what time dinner was tonight.
Tonight?
Dinner was tonight?
Is there a problem?
Gosh, how could
I have forgotten that?
What's the matter?
Well, Christine
came into town unexpectedly,
and she wanted to have dinner, you know?
I mean, she caught me off guard.
That's okay, Dad.
We can have dinner another night.
Can we?
Or maybe if Christine doesn't mind,
we can all have dinner together.
Can we?
I've been wanting
to meet her anyway.
Have you?
Is that a problem?
Well...
What's the matter, Dad?
Are you bashful about having
me meet your girlfriend?
Oh, bashful?
What, me, bashful?
Come on!
I'm fine with my daughter
meeting a woman I know.
Jeez.
I just don't wanna spring this
on Christine though, you know?
And besides,
I wouldn't know where to reach her.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Coach here.
Christine?
Problem solved.
Boy, your ears must be burning.
We were just talking about you.
Me and Kelly.
She says hi.
Ask her about dinner.
She says "hi" back.
Ask her about dinner.
She wants me
to ask you about dinner.
Look, Christine,
see, I forgot
that Kelly and I were supposed
to have dinner tonight, so...
The three of us?
Yes.
Well, you know, I don't think it's a good
idea to spring it on her like this, you know?
I think
I'm talking her into it.
So, we'll see you
at the cabin
around 7:00 then, huh?
Great, okay.
Have fun at the accident.
Christine and I
are finally gonna meet, huh?
Yeah.
Well,
I'd better get to Biology.
If you get there late,
you have to sit in the front.
I'll see you tonight.
(EXCLAIMING)
Jeez!
Oh! Oh, it feels good
to get into fresh clothes.
Shall I start a fire?
I just did.
Well...
Why don't you let me
take over?
No, no, no, I really wanna do
this, you know?
I cook all the time
when you're not here.
(KISSING)
BOTH: Oh.
Yeah.
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing. I'm just checking to
see if Kelly's coming, that's all.
You were afraid she'd find us
kissing over a pan of pork chops?
Well, no, I mean, I just want
everything to go right, that's all.
And I don't wanna do anything
to get off on the wrong foot.
Well, I mean,
not that kissing you is the wrong foot,
but I just don't think the first
glimpse she gets of us together
should be of us...
You know...
Harmlessly showing affection.
Harmless? Hey, Christine,
that was my best kiss.
You're unbelievable.
Well, look, I just want
tonight to go well.
Gosh, I mean, don't you care
if Kelly likes you or not?
Of course, I care.
I care whether I like her.
And I assume we will like each other.
I just think we stand a better chance
of getting off on the right foot
if we're all honest
with one another.
Well, hell, Christine,
then why don't we just meet her
at the front door
in our pajamas?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Oh, great, there she is.
Now, if she heard that, I'm dead.
Oh, Hayden, honey.
Tonight is going to be
just fine.
Have a little faith
in all of us, huh?
(PATTING)
Right.
Faith.
Hey, there she is!
Hi, Dad. Hi.
Here, let me get your coat.
Boy.
What took so long?
I've been waiting for you.
Well, you said 7:00.
It's 6:55.
Is it?
Well, hey, you know,
I'm like a kid at Christmas.
I just can't wait
for the big moment.
Here it is.
So it finally came down
to two schools,
and when I weighed them both,
Minnesota State
was really the only one
that had everything
I was looking for.
Well, I know it really
made your father happy.
You know, he talks
so much about you,
I felt like I knew you
even before you got here.
Well, I felt
the same way about you.
I mean, ever since
he told me what you did,
I've been watching you
on the news. You're very good.
Oh.
No, really. You are.
You're very professional,
and you treat all your
stories with a lot of dignity.
Well, thank you.
I spend a lot of time with my stories.
It's nice someone notices.
What is this, a gag?
You two aren't getting along
this well for real, are you?
Dad.
Look at you two.
(STAMMERING) I don't know why
I was so nervous about this.
Anybody want another chop?
I'm fine, thanks.
Well, I'm glad we finally
got the chance to meet.
I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot
more of each other from now on.
Oh, hey, if I have
anything to say about it,
you two are gonna be
sick of each other.
Yes, sir, this has really
been fun, hasn't it?
Yeah, and I hate to be
the one to break it up,
but I have to be up early tomorrow,
so I better call it a night.
Oh, here,
let me help you with that.
Oh, no, honey, come on.
I don't mind.
Well, no, I just thought
maybe you had to get back
and do some studying
or something, you know?
I mean, I know
Christine's got to get back.
Back where?
Didn't you say you had
to get up early tomorrow?
You probably have to get
back to the hotel, don't you?
I'm not checked in
to the hotel.
You're not?
Gee, were you thinking of driving all
the way back to Minneapolis tonight?
Well, gee, I guess
I hadn't thought that far.
You know, on second thought,
I do have to get back.
I just remembered I got
loads of studying to do.
HAYDEN: Oh, yeah?
Yeah, you know. I mean,
I got finals coming up
in four months.
I mean, if you're sure,
sweetheart.
I don't want you to feel like
we're pushing you out or anything,
'cause we're probably gonna be
leaving in a few minutes ourselves.
KELLY: Right, right.
Well, Christine,
it was really nice to meet you.
Oh, nice meeting
you, too, Kelly.
And, Dad, thanks for dinner.
Pork was perfect.
See you.
Hey, if you see a couple of headlights
behind you, it's probably us.
I think that went well.
Don't do that.
Why not?
Because I don't like it.
Since when?
What was that all about?
Well, what was I
supposed to say?
You didn't have to
say anything.
Do you think Kelly doesn't
know we stay together?
Well, it's one thing
to suspect it.
It is another thing to have
it thrown in your face.
Hayden, I wasn't going to
attack you in the living room.
I'd just like to know what's so terrible
about admitting to your daughter
that we have
an adult relationship.
Oh, come on, Christine.
I mean, let's not get into an argument
over one stupid
little thing I said, huh?
Come on,
let's just put that aside
and let's go to bed. Come on.
Hayden, going to bed
is what this is all about.
Oh, come on, Christine. This is Monday.
This was gonna be special.
Let's not have
an encounter group.
By playing this charade,
you are not showing Kelly any respect,
you're not showing
me any respect.
You don't seem to
understand what you did.
I know exactly what I did.
It was wrong.
It was terrible.
I should hang for it,
but I should also get
one last request.
So before I die,
baby, let's go to bed.
Fine.
You want me in bed?
That's exactly
where I'll be.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(LOCKING)
Okay.
Fine.
Lock the door.
I gotta tell you, Christine,
I am starting to lose the mood here.
HAYDEN: You call this
an adult relationship?
Boy, I gotta tell you, Christine.
This is really childish.
(DOOR OPENING)
You wanna know
what's childish?
A 44-year-old man who is so
uptight about his own sexuality...
I swear, Christine,
if you finish that sentence...
I just don't understand
why you can't be honest.
What is so great
about this honesty thing?
You'd think it was some sort
of new religion or something.
Do you think we're doing something wrong here?
Is that the problem?
Are you ashamed of us?
No. Of course not.
Then why can't you
tell people?
You wanna tell people?
All right,
1 will tell people.
Hey, everybody
out on the lake,
Christine Armstrong
and Hayden Fox
are sleeping together!
How's that, huh?
(DOOR SLAMMING)
Or better yet,
why don't you announce it
on the news tomorrow night?
Even better,
why don't we do a live
remote from the bedroom, huh?
That is not
what I'm suggesting.
Aha!
So, there is aline somewhere
that we don't cross over.
lam not suggesting that
we tell the entire world.
I would just like to be able to
tell the people we're close to.
If we can't do that, ...
I don't know what kind
of relationship we have.
So you want me to tell Kelly?
Yes.
Who you gonna tell?
What?
If I have to tell somebody
that I am close to,
you have to tell somebody
that you are close to.
Otherwise, I don't know what
kind of relationship we have.
Well, this is ridiculous.
It's not ridiculous
when I have to be honest.
Hayden, I've already told
everyone I'm close to.
Told your mother?
Let's go to bed.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't think so.
1 tell Kelly,
you tell Mildred.
Hayden, she's in Kentucky.
We never even see her.
Why would I want
to bother her with this?
Because we are being
honest here, Christine.
Okay, fine.
I can make that deal.
You tell Kelly,
and I'll tell my mother.
I am on my way to the dorm.
I'm on my way to the phone.
It's time to reach out
and destroy someone.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Good.
This is the last tape.
How'd it go
with Kelly and Christine?
Got a problem.
How do the Buckeyes look?
You got two problems.
You guys keep looking at it.
I want to talk to Hayden.
So what's
the first problem?
Well...
The problem is, Luther,
I'm a dinosaur, you know?
Different world
we're living in.
People want to express themselves.
Everybody wants to be open.
People want to tell each other
how they really feel.
I can't do this, Luther.
Do what? Be open?
No, pretend it doesn't bother me
that you're sitting in my chair.
Go. Go.
Thought I was still
supposed to be you.
Yeah.
Do you know
where I am headed, Luther?
I am going over
to the girls' dorm
to tell
my 18-year-old daughter
that I am having a sexual
relationship with my girlfriend.
Why?
Because it's
the honest thing to do.
That is the world
we're living in.
I mean, everybody wants
to be honest nowadays.
I remember when I was
growing up nobody was honest.
You weren't honest
with girls.
You weren't honest
with your parents.
Everybody knew that.
Everybody was happy.
Now everybody wants
to know everything.
Nobody's happy.
(SIGHING)
Hey, listen.
You wanna go fishing
this weekend?
I got a game Saturday.
No, no, no.
I mean after the game.
You know,
we could take my boat,
and we could
drink some beers,
eat some cheese balls,
and tell some lies.
Sounds great. Aren't you supposed
to be with Christine this weekend?
Yeah, I was.
But I tell you,
after tonight I think
I'm gonna need a break.
(ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
. Kelly?
What are you doing here?
Well, nothing. I just came by
to see you for a few minutes.
Well, you can't be here.
I can't?
Well, it's the girls' dorm.
There's a
"No men after 10:00" rule.
What kind
of a cockamamie rule...
Actually,
that's a pretty good rule.
Yeah, Dad, I...
Just let me get to this.
I want to talk
about tonight.
Oh, you do?
Well, that's good. I'm glad.
I think we should.
You do?
Yeah.
Gosh, is there anyone except me who
doesn't want to talk about this stuff?
Kelly, you know,
I told a lie tonight,
and I didn't do it
to be dishonest.
I did it because
I want you to like me,
and I didn't think you would
like me if I was honest.
You think I wouldn't like you
just because you're
sleeping with Christine?
I'm not sleeping
with Christine.
Dad.
I don't want to talk
about this stuff!
God, I really don't want
to talk about it.
But we have to talk about it.
But why?
Because we'll both feel better.
How?
Because we won't have
anything to hide.
Dad,
I just want you
to be happy.
Honest?
Yeah.
Don't you want me
to be happy someday, too?
Well, of course I do.
Happy how?
Well, someday I'm going to
have a relationship,
and I'm gonna wanna be
honest with you about it.
Isn't that what you want?
No.
Well, I'm going to be.
Well, you're 18, Kelly.
You're old enough
to make up your own mind.
I mean, if you want to be honest,
there's nothing I can do to stop you.
Oh, believe me, Dad,
it's not gonna be
as hard on you as you think.
See, I think you still
feel a lot of pressure
'cause you think of me
as your little girl.
But, see, I can handle a lot more
than you think I can, you know?
I'm much more mature
than you realize.
Kelly, quick! We're having this great
water fight with the fourth floor!
Grab a wastebasket
and meet us in the shower.
Hey, Coach Fox.
Well, it sounds like you got
some pretty grownup things
you gotta handle,
so I guess I'll be going.
Hey, listen, before I do that,
honey, since we're being honest here,
what do you really think
of Christine?
I really like her.
Yeah?
Yeah, I like her a lot.
Yeah, she's really neat,
isn't she?
Yeah.
I still like Mom better.
I mean, of course you do.
But our seeing each other and
being together is gonna work.
I'm glad.
I'll see you around, huh?
Okay.
Oh, Dad, you can't go out that way.
Someone will see you.
Hey,
I got nothing
left to hide.
I mean, I'm Hayden Fox,
honest man.
CHRISTINE: Hayden,
is that you?
Yeah.
What happened to you?
Huh?
I was in a water fight.
It's nothing.
So,
did you tell Kelly?
Well, I kept my end
of the deal.
I was honest.
Well, good.
How did she take it?
She took it great.
Well, how do you feel?
Well, better than I thought
I would, I guess. I mean,
I'm sort of relieved to know we
don't have to sneak around anymore,
at least not
in front of Kelly.
That's pretty good,
I guess.
So what did your mom
have to say?
Hmm?
How did Mildred take it
when you called her?
Oh, well, I wasn't going to
call her tonight, Hayden.
I was afraid I'd wake her up.
You know, it's an hour later there.
I don't care if it's dawn
there, you know, we had a deal.
Now you get on the blower.
You're not serious.
I am wet
and I am very serious.
Hayden, I'm not gonna call my
mother in the middle of the night
to tell her
I'm sleeping with a man.
I will be in the bedroom.
The door will unlock
when you have made the call.
before a studio audience.
The Buckeye
game films are in.
Great. Well, call
the other coaches
and tell them we're gonna be
watching movies tonight. Uh-huh.
Hey, by the way,
Daub.
What's with
the cap there, huh?
Huh?
Oh, nothing.
I've just decided to start wearing
one, that's all.
Oh. Hey, Daub?
Something the matter
with your head there?
(SIGHING)
It's my hair.
What's the matter with it?
I don't have it anymore.
Well, see,
I heard you and Luther talking about how
the team needed some unity this year.
And I remember
when I was playing,
how we had
that same problem once,
and how a bunch of us got
together and shaved our heads.
I remember that.
You all looked like a bunch of cue balls.
Yeah.
So anyway, last night I was
telling some of our players that,
and they all thought
it sounded like a neat idea,
and they all thought
I should go first.
Then they all
changed their minds.
Aw, jeez, Dauber.
Hayden, can I jump.
In here a minute?
I think I can handle this.
Daub, the most important
thing a coach can have
is the respect
of his players.
You have to remember,
even though you're still in school,
you're a coach now.
I mean, you let the players
make a fool out of you,
you're gonna lose
their respect.
I mean, you don't see Hayden and I letting
them make a fool out of us, do you?
Uh-uh.
That's why you don't see us
without our hair.
Boy, I tell you,
listen to him, Daub.
When it comes to respect,
no one has more than Luther.
(BOYS LAUGHING)
Come on, you guys,
that's not funny!
HAYDEN: You know, we got a lot of
work to do between now and Saturday.
I wanna eat, sleep,
and drink the Buckeyes for the next six days.
I don't want anybody even
thinking about taking a night off.
Surprise.
Wow, Christine!
Hey, what are you
doing here?
I know I didn't call first.
Are you super busy?
No, we're not busy at all.
Come on in. Come on in.
Hey, Luther. Come on.
Nice talking to you,
Christine.
Are you sure
this isn't a bad time?
No, this is great time.
Oh!
Are you kidding?
I mean, at least
I think it's a great time.
You're not here to break up
with me, are you?
All right, great! God.
(LAUGHING) How come
you're not in Minneapolis?
Oh, well, we're doing
a report on a milk tanker
that overturned
a few miles from here,
and traffic is backed up
halfway to Bloomington.
(TSKING) 1 go on the
air live at 5:00.
And if you are free,
I could be live at 6:30 as well.
You mean
you can stay the night?
If you're free.
I'll get free.
Wow, on a Monday.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, I love this.
Yeah, thank God
for reckless truckers.
I'll see you tonight.
All right. I can't wait.
Monday. What a treat.
Christine gone?
Yeah, yeah. She had to
go cover a story, there.
You know, guys,
I've been thinking. I...
I haven't been
very responsible as a coach.
What do you mean?
Well, you know,
I was in there talking to Christine,
and she's got to
cover this story
about the terrible accident
on the highway.
And it suddenly hit me, you know,
what if I were in an accident?
What would you guys
do on Saturday?
You mean
about the game?
I guess we'd wear those
little black armbands.
No, see, I meant
something a little different than that.
I mean...
Well, you'd still have to
play the game without me,
and I haven't prepared you to do
that and that's not very responsible.
I mean, I need to include you guys
more in the decision-making process.
Great.
Right. So here's what
I've decided to do.
Now, you guys are gonna watch these
game films tonight without me.
You're gonna decide how we're
gonna play the Buckeyes.
You're gonna be
me tonight, Luth.
Everybody is gonna move up.
Your assistant is you,
his assistant is him...
Who am I, Coach?
You're a cue ball.
Right.
Now doesn't that sound
like a good idea?
It sounds like a great idea.
So you're gonna see Christine, huh?
Yeah, yeah, but that's not
the reason I'm doing this.
I am doing this
for the team.
My spirit is gonna be here
with you tonight. Right.
It's just my body that's
gonna be with Christine.
Anybody here?
Kelly?
Oh.
Hey, sweetheart.
There you are.
I just stopped by to find out
what time dinner was tonight.
Tonight?
Dinner was tonight?
Is there a problem?
Gosh, how could
I have forgotten that?
What's the matter?
Well, Christine
came into town unexpectedly,
and she wanted to have dinner, you know?
I mean, she caught me off guard.
That's okay, Dad.
We can have dinner another night.
Can we?
Or maybe if Christine doesn't mind,
we can all have dinner together.
Can we?
I've been wanting
to meet her anyway.
Have you?
Is that a problem?
Well...
What's the matter, Dad?
Are you bashful about having
me meet your girlfriend?
Oh, bashful?
What, me, bashful?
Come on!
I'm fine with my daughter
meeting a woman I know.
Jeez.
I just don't wanna spring this
on Christine though, you know?
And besides,
I wouldn't know where to reach her.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Coach here.
Christine?
Problem solved.
Boy, your ears must be burning.
We were just talking about you.
Me and Kelly.
She says hi.
Ask her about dinner.
She says "hi" back.
Ask her about dinner.
She wants me
to ask you about dinner.
Look, Christine,
see, I forgot
that Kelly and I were supposed
to have dinner tonight, so...
The three of us?
Yes.
Well, you know, I don't think it's a good
idea to spring it on her like this, you know?
I think
I'm talking her into it.
So, we'll see you
at the cabin
around 7:00 then, huh?
Great, okay.
Have fun at the accident.
Christine and I
are finally gonna meet, huh?
Yeah.
Well,
I'd better get to Biology.
If you get there late,
you have to sit in the front.
I'll see you tonight.
(EXCLAIMING)
Jeez!
Oh! Oh, it feels good
to get into fresh clothes.
Shall I start a fire?
I just did.
Well...
Why don't you let me
take over?
No, no, no, I really wanna do
this, you know?
I cook all the time
when you're not here.
(KISSING)
BOTH: Oh.
Yeah.
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing. I'm just checking to
see if Kelly's coming, that's all.
You were afraid she'd find us
kissing over a pan of pork chops?
Well, no, I mean, I just want
everything to go right, that's all.
And I don't wanna do anything
to get off on the wrong foot.
Well, I mean,
not that kissing you is the wrong foot,
but I just don't think the first
glimpse she gets of us together
should be of us...
You know...
Harmlessly showing affection.
Harmless? Hey, Christine,
that was my best kiss.
You're unbelievable.
Well, look, I just want
tonight to go well.
Gosh, I mean, don't you care
if Kelly likes you or not?
Of course, I care.
I care whether I like her.
And I assume we will like each other.
I just think we stand a better chance
of getting off on the right foot
if we're all honest
with one another.
Well, hell, Christine,
then why don't we just meet her
at the front door
in our pajamas?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Oh, great, there she is.
Now, if she heard that, I'm dead.
Oh, Hayden, honey.
Tonight is going to be
just fine.
Have a little faith
in all of us, huh?
(PATTING)
Right.
Faith.
Hey, there she is!
Hi, Dad. Hi.
Here, let me get your coat.
Boy.
What took so long?
I've been waiting for you.
Well, you said 7:00.
It's 6:55.
Is it?
Well, hey, you know,
I'm like a kid at Christmas.
I just can't wait
for the big moment.
Here it is.
So it finally came down
to two schools,
and when I weighed them both,
Minnesota State
was really the only one
that had everything
I was looking for.
Well, I know it really
made your father happy.
You know, he talks
so much about you,
I felt like I knew you
even before you got here.
Well, I felt
the same way about you.
I mean, ever since
he told me what you did,
I've been watching you
on the news. You're very good.
Oh.
No, really. You are.
You're very professional,
and you treat all your
stories with a lot of dignity.
Well, thank you.
I spend a lot of time with my stories.
It's nice someone notices.
What is this, a gag?
You two aren't getting along
this well for real, are you?
Dad.
Look at you two.
(STAMMERING) I don't know why
I was so nervous about this.
Anybody want another chop?
I'm fine, thanks.
Well, I'm glad we finally
got the chance to meet.
I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot
more of each other from now on.
Oh, hey, if I have
anything to say about it,
you two are gonna be
sick of each other.
Yes, sir, this has really
been fun, hasn't it?
Yeah, and I hate to be
the one to break it up,
but I have to be up early tomorrow,
so I better call it a night.
Oh, here,
let me help you with that.
Oh, no, honey, come on.
I don't mind.
Well, no, I just thought
maybe you had to get back
and do some studying
or something, you know?
I mean, I know
Christine's got to get back.
Back where?
Didn't you say you had
to get up early tomorrow?
You probably have to get
back to the hotel, don't you?
I'm not checked in
to the hotel.
You're not?
Gee, were you thinking of driving all
the way back to Minneapolis tonight?
Well, gee, I guess
I hadn't thought that far.
You know, on second thought,
I do have to get back.
I just remembered I got
loads of studying to do.
HAYDEN: Oh, yeah?
Yeah, you know. I mean,
I got finals coming up
in four months.
I mean, if you're sure,
sweetheart.
I don't want you to feel like
we're pushing you out or anything,
'cause we're probably gonna be
leaving in a few minutes ourselves.
KELLY: Right, right.
Well, Christine,
it was really nice to meet you.
Oh, nice meeting
you, too, Kelly.
And, Dad, thanks for dinner.
Pork was perfect.
See you.
Hey, if you see a couple of headlights
behind you, it's probably us.
I think that went well.
Don't do that.
Why not?
Because I don't like it.
Since when?
What was that all about?
Well, what was I
supposed to say?
You didn't have to
say anything.
Do you think Kelly doesn't
know we stay together?
Well, it's one thing
to suspect it.
It is another thing to have
it thrown in your face.
Hayden, I wasn't going to
attack you in the living room.
I'd just like to know what's so terrible
about admitting to your daughter
that we have
an adult relationship.
Oh, come on, Christine.
I mean, let's not get into an argument
over one stupid
little thing I said, huh?
Come on,
let's just put that aside
and let's go to bed. Come on.
Hayden, going to bed
is what this is all about.
Oh, come on, Christine. This is Monday.
This was gonna be special.
Let's not have
an encounter group.
By playing this charade,
you are not showing Kelly any respect,
you're not showing
me any respect.
You don't seem to
understand what you did.
I know exactly what I did.
It was wrong.
It was terrible.
I should hang for it,
but I should also get
one last request.
So before I die,
baby, let's go to bed.
Fine.
You want me in bed?
That's exactly
where I'll be.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(LOCKING)
Okay.
Fine.
Lock the door.
I gotta tell you, Christine,
I am starting to lose the mood here.
HAYDEN: You call this
an adult relationship?
Boy, I gotta tell you, Christine.
This is really childish.
(DOOR OPENING)
You wanna know
what's childish?
A 44-year-old man who is so
uptight about his own sexuality...
I swear, Christine,
if you finish that sentence...
I just don't understand
why you can't be honest.
What is so great
about this honesty thing?
You'd think it was some sort
of new religion or something.
Do you think we're doing something wrong here?
Is that the problem?
Are you ashamed of us?
No. Of course not.
Then why can't you
tell people?
You wanna tell people?
All right,
1 will tell people.
Hey, everybody
out on the lake,
Christine Armstrong
and Hayden Fox
are sleeping together!
How's that, huh?
(DOOR SLAMMING)
Or better yet,
why don't you announce it
on the news tomorrow night?
Even better,
why don't we do a live
remote from the bedroom, huh?
That is not
what I'm suggesting.
Aha!
So, there is aline somewhere
that we don't cross over.
lam not suggesting that
we tell the entire world.
I would just like to be able to
tell the people we're close to.
If we can't do that, ...
I don't know what kind
of relationship we have.
So you want me to tell Kelly?
Yes.
Who you gonna tell?
What?
If I have to tell somebody
that I am close to,
you have to tell somebody
that you are close to.
Otherwise, I don't know what
kind of relationship we have.
Well, this is ridiculous.
It's not ridiculous
when I have to be honest.
Hayden, I've already told
everyone I'm close to.
Told your mother?
Let's go to bed.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't think so.
1 tell Kelly,
you tell Mildred.
Hayden, she's in Kentucky.
We never even see her.
Why would I want
to bother her with this?
Because we are being
honest here, Christine.
Okay, fine.
I can make that deal.
You tell Kelly,
and I'll tell my mother.
I am on my way to the dorm.
I'm on my way to the phone.
It's time to reach out
and destroy someone.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Good.
This is the last tape.
How'd it go
with Kelly and Christine?
Got a problem.
How do the Buckeyes look?
You got two problems.
You guys keep looking at it.
I want to talk to Hayden.
So what's
the first problem?
Well...
The problem is, Luther,
I'm a dinosaur, you know?
Different world
we're living in.
People want to express themselves.
Everybody wants to be open.
People want to tell each other
how they really feel.
I can't do this, Luther.
Do what? Be open?
No, pretend it doesn't bother me
that you're sitting in my chair.
Go. Go.
Thought I was still
supposed to be you.
Yeah.
Do you know
where I am headed, Luther?
I am going over
to the girls' dorm
to tell
my 18-year-old daughter
that I am having a sexual
relationship with my girlfriend.
Why?
Because it's
the honest thing to do.
That is the world
we're living in.
I mean, everybody wants
to be honest nowadays.
I remember when I was
growing up nobody was honest.
You weren't honest
with girls.
You weren't honest
with your parents.
Everybody knew that.
Everybody was happy.
Now everybody wants
to know everything.
Nobody's happy.
(SIGHING)
Hey, listen.
You wanna go fishing
this weekend?
I got a game Saturday.
No, no, no.
I mean after the game.
You know,
we could take my boat,
and we could
drink some beers,
eat some cheese balls,
and tell some lies.
Sounds great. Aren't you supposed
to be with Christine this weekend?
Yeah, I was.
But I tell you,
after tonight I think
I'm gonna need a break.
(ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
. Kelly?
What are you doing here?
Well, nothing. I just came by
to see you for a few minutes.
Well, you can't be here.
I can't?
Well, it's the girls' dorm.
There's a
"No men after 10:00" rule.
What kind
of a cockamamie rule...
Actually,
that's a pretty good rule.
Yeah, Dad, I...
Just let me get to this.
I want to talk
about tonight.
Oh, you do?
Well, that's good. I'm glad.
I think we should.
You do?
Yeah.
Gosh, is there anyone except me who
doesn't want to talk about this stuff?
Kelly, you know,
I told a lie tonight,
and I didn't do it
to be dishonest.
I did it because
I want you to like me,
and I didn't think you would
like me if I was honest.
You think I wouldn't like you
just because you're
sleeping with Christine?
I'm not sleeping
with Christine.
Dad.
I don't want to talk
about this stuff!
God, I really don't want
to talk about it.
But we have to talk about it.
But why?
Because we'll both feel better.
How?
Because we won't have
anything to hide.
Dad,
I just want you
to be happy.
Honest?
Yeah.
Don't you want me
to be happy someday, too?
Well, of course I do.
Happy how?
Well, someday I'm going to
have a relationship,
and I'm gonna wanna be
honest with you about it.
Isn't that what you want?
No.
Well, I'm going to be.
Well, you're 18, Kelly.
You're old enough
to make up your own mind.
I mean, if you want to be honest,
there's nothing I can do to stop you.
Oh, believe me, Dad,
it's not gonna be
as hard on you as you think.
See, I think you still
feel a lot of pressure
'cause you think of me
as your little girl.
But, see, I can handle a lot more
than you think I can, you know?
I'm much more mature
than you realize.
Kelly, quick! We're having this great
water fight with the fourth floor!
Grab a wastebasket
and meet us in the shower.
Hey, Coach Fox.
Well, it sounds like you got
some pretty grownup things
you gotta handle,
so I guess I'll be going.
Hey, listen, before I do that,
honey, since we're being honest here,
what do you really think
of Christine?
I really like her.
Yeah?
Yeah, I like her a lot.
Yeah, she's really neat,
isn't she?
Yeah.
I still like Mom better.
I mean, of course you do.
But our seeing each other and
being together is gonna work.
I'm glad.
I'll see you around, huh?
Okay.
Oh, Dad, you can't go out that way.
Someone will see you.
Hey,
I got nothing
left to hide.
I mean, I'm Hayden Fox,
honest man.
CHRISTINE: Hayden,
is that you?
Yeah.
What happened to you?
Huh?
I was in a water fight.
It's nothing.
So,
did you tell Kelly?
Well, I kept my end
of the deal.
I was honest.
Well, good.
How did she take it?
She took it great.
Well, how do you feel?
Well, better than I thought
I would, I guess. I mean,
I'm sort of relieved to know we
don't have to sneak around anymore,
at least not
in front of Kelly.
That's pretty good,
I guess.
So what did your mom
have to say?
Hmm?
How did Mildred take it
when you called her?
Oh, well, I wasn't going to
call her tonight, Hayden.
I was afraid I'd wake her up.
You know, it's an hour later there.
I don't care if it's dawn
there, you know, we had a deal.
Now you get on the blower.
You're not serious.
I am wet
and I am very serious.
Hayden, I'm not gonna call my
mother in the middle of the night
to tell her
I'm sleeping with a man.
I will be in the bedroom.
The door will unlock
when you have made the call.